She was still warm...in fact she was alive; perhaps more alive than ever in her entire life. Sad events of the past had been attacking her like ghosts....that held only as much power as she ceded to them.

"You're doing better," her therapist said. "In fact, you're doing much better than anyone could have hoped for."

"I don't really worry much about the flashbacks and the dreams." She said, or rather her other half did, but she sat in the room right beside him. "They come and go, but I'm able to deal with them...I think of a silly picture of Joann and I can usually cope quickly. It still is sad...how she never really had a childhood." She said with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You never did either. But you're getting that back, a little at a time," her therapist said.

"It's this other part...I can't risk anything right now...it's enough just to write and talk at the site." She said.

"That's your career...your work...what you're to be about doing...something will open up...I'm sure! I'm proud of you...you did really hard work." She smiled at her.

"Why do you think? My doctor says I'm doing like three or four steps forward and maybe one step back."

"That sounds about right. It's like my husband...he loves to surf, and he just gets on that board and goes right at the wave...no holding back. You've done that with your work with me and with your writing. Tenacious," she said.

"I'm sorry, but we've got to stop for today. Want a hug?" Her therapist asked. "I am so proud of you."

She bit her tongue and wiped her face with a tissue, remembering that she had never even heard her mother say that once, and her father said it for the first time when she, rather "they" turned 38. It felt good to have someone finally validate her efforts. She always took away much more good than the pain and sadness she deposited at her therapist's office.

"How did it go with her today?" her best friend of several best friends asked on line.

"Great...I'm still sad that I can't tell Mrs. D about this part of me." The friend echoed the same thing her several other best friends had told her.

"It will happen...you have a lifetime...I'm holding your hand," the friend said..."Gentle hugs."

The next morning her other best friend of several best friends told her that she sounded so much stronger than when they first started talking. That balance was so important and that she could see her striking that balance.

Later that evening her first of several best friends once again reminded her the same thing that her therapist had told her...that the ghosts were always part of what she was going through but they still only had as much power as she gave to them...

And she realized she had spent a lifetime being fooled by lies others had told her and even more frustrating...lies she told herself, repeating what others had said. She had the support of oh so many...and she wasn't going to get fooled again!
 

to the tune of
Won't Get Fooled Again
by the Who
Words and music by
Peter Townshend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUbGLVvfB7Y