I Won't Get Fooled Again
She was still warm...in fact she was alive; perhaps more alive than ever in her entire life. Sad events of the past had been attacking her like ghosts....that held only as much power as she ceded to them.
"You're doing better," her therapist said. "In fact, you're doing much better than anyone could have hoped for."
"I don't really worry much about the flashbacks and the dreams." She said, or rather her other half did, but she sat in the room right beside him. "They come and go, but I'm able to deal with them...I think of a silly picture of Joann and I can usually cope quickly. It still is sad...how she never really had a childhood." She said with tears streaming down her cheeks.
"You never did either. But you're getting that back, a little at a time," her therapist said.
"It's this other part...I can't risk anything right now...it's enough just to write and talk at the site." She said.
"That's your career...your work...what you're to be about doing...something will open up...I'm sure! I'm proud of you...you did really hard work." She smiled at her.
"Why do you think? My doctor says I'm doing like three or four steps forward and maybe one step back."
"That sounds about right. It's like my husband...he loves to surf, and he just gets on that board and goes right at the wave...no holding back. You've done that with your work with me and with your writing. Tenacious," she said.
"I'm sorry, but we've got to stop for today. Want a hug?" Her therapist asked. "I am so proud of you."
She bit her tongue and wiped her face with a tissue, remembering that she had never even heard her mother say that once, and her father said it for the first time when she, rather "they" turned 38. It felt good to have someone finally validate her efforts. She always took away much more good than the pain and sadness she deposited at her therapist's office.
"How did it go with her today?" her best friend of several best friends asked on line.
"Great...I'm still sad that I can't tell Mrs. D about this part of me." The friend echoed the same thing her several other best friends had told her.
"It will happen...you have a lifetime...I'm holding your hand," the friend said..."Gentle hugs."
The next morning her other best friend of several best friends told her that she sounded so much stronger than when they first started talking. That balance was so important and that she could see her striking that balance.
Later that evening her first of several best friends once again reminded her the same thing that her therapist had told her...that the ghosts were always part of what she was going through but they still only had as much power as she gave to them...
And she realized she had spent a lifetime being fooled by lies others had told her and even more frustrating...lies she told herself, repeating what others had said. She had the support of oh so many...and she wasn't going to get fooled again!
And it certainly hasn't helped my health
But the lies that fooled me once will soon be gone
The ghosts have been stringin' me along
They sit and tell me I've been wrong
They all lie but both of my selves sing this song
I'll shake my head and face confrontation
Reject the past for the next generation
Smile and grin at all the change in me
Pick up my pen today
It's no longer yesterday
Still I'll get on my knees and pray
I don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
Wisdom it had to come
You know I knew it all along
I've been liberated from my past - that's all
And the world doesn't look the same
Since along the way I added a name
Learning about my other self, we're standin' tall
l'll shake my head and face confrontation
Reject the past for the next generation
Smile and grin at all the change in me
Pick up pen today
Set aside yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
I don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
Maybe someday I'll be sharin' my life
Reveal myself to my son and my wife
I'll get approval and smile at the sky
For I know I won't fall again for the lie
Oh Yes!
There's nothing more for me
Than to be whom I will be
And the lies of the ghosts are rejected, bye and bye
Truth and falsehoods have grown apart
As I unburden my own heart
And I finally know the whom, the how, the why
l'll shake my head and face confrontation
Embrace a new future of regeneration
Smile and grin at all the change all in me
Pick up my pen today
No longer like yesterday
And I'll get on my knees and pray
You know I won't get fooled again
Won't get fooled again
No, no!
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Meet the new me;
more than just the old me!
to the tune of
Won't Get Fooled Again
by the Who
Words and music by
Peter Townshend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUbGLVvfB7Y
Comments
How Do U Do It All
Are there 48 hours in a NJ day?
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Who's Next?
Beautiful! You've taken one of the more cynical songs in rock and made it an anthem for hope, the possibility of growth & change :)
I was expecting more of a CSI parody, full of mob references & Jerseyisms, but yes sometimes the scene of the crime
is the human soul, the detective work is introspective, and the best victory is personal liberation...
~~~hugs, rock on Sweetie! Veronica
What borders on stupidity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
PRIDE !!
ALISON
We should all be very proud of you ANDREA LENA Di MAGGIO----I know I am.
ALISON
Morning Mom....Evening Gram....
....or is it the other way around??? I don't know how you come up with so many memorable pieces sooo quickly. It's like the two of you are working full time on themes and tales and, of course, poetry. You're the best!
Love and Hugs....Lil' Brat
No Jill
She simply thinks and writes twice as fast as the rest of us - and doesn't take long breaks for leisure activities like sleep!
Susie
I must say Drea...
...dear... You seem to be the Mozart of the site. You are so very prolific and you seem to usually offer us something different, unusual, and often of interest. This piece is no exception. And you never seem to mention chat rooms at all! Brava, yet again!
Mea the Magnificent
BTW... I love the hair color!
It may be easy for some to get away
from their past. But what happens to those of us that although we are strong in character and convictions, still have the nightmares, see the ghosts and fear the demons that still stalk us from our past that refuses to let go? This is very well written, and our heroine has the strength we all need to be ourselves, but...and that is a big but too...but can our heroine actually be herself openly and bravely without fear of resprisal? Even those of us that have had love, acceptance, and happiness in our early years have had problems later on. Today that later on is our past, and it is a haunting past too. Thank you Drea for sharing this very important message.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."
sometimes, we fool ourselves most of all
sometimes, I wonder who I fooled trying to be a guy, besides me. Nice story, nice version of the song.
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
Great writing Drea.
This therapist reminds me so much of my therapist I had in Wisconsin. The day before I left for Australia she gave me a hug and my letter of recommendation. Her hug that day was the most important hug I had ever gotten.
As for my ghosts, they stay with me, and it isn't that I give them the power to stay, they just do. My PTSD is triggered by many things; a song, a story, a movie, a television series. Whatever the trigger is, the ghosts are there to prod and make fun of me. But what makes me strong over them, is I am still me. Even though through my teen years they tried to shut me up, tried to break me down, tried to steal my soul, I refused to allow them the satisfaction. I am still me and always will be me, regardless of who says different.
This is a wonderful short with a very deep message. I am praying and hoping that one day every one of us will be out of the closet and a force to be reckoned with. Thank you for sharing this soul stirring story.
"With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward."
Love & hugs,
Barbara
"If I have to be this girl in me, Then I have the right to be."