"neatly groomed and glossed nail." Um... how? She's just been transformed, if anything she should look horrible with deformed overgrown nails. I mean they'd need to grow to really shrink in width... I think. Um, sorry for the realism ;)

David seems a bit too less weirded out with his change. "Cool, I can sing again, so who cares if I'm a girl now. Let's check this body out... masturbation seems cool, but I should do something else right now." That seems very odd, even for a mystic like David. Actually I have a hard time to imagine anyone who's reacting like this when he hasn't experienced it before. It's more like something that would happen in one of John Varley's eight world books where sex changes are common.

That whole scene feels off somehow. It seems wrong even if David was really transgendered before, because his reaction isn't enthusiastic or disbelieving enough and not shocked enough for anyone else. The whole thing reads too much like a TG fantasy. Davida is admiring her new body, which strangely looks perfect for some unknown reason. And her first thought is to get new clothing. I'm not sure if you attempted humor here, because that's like TG-tropes central. I gather you're not the big fan of angst, but you should use it here, at least a bit.

Good thing is you let her have real problems, like the child services. That adds the realism you totally lost with the waking-up-scene.

I'm not sure about the makeup thing. I mean I know nothing about american youth culture, but is a girl going out without makeup really that weird? If she's not trolling for boys or trying to impress other girls, why bother?

Then she suddenly thinks using the wome's toilet weird. Seriously, after taking her transformation like a seasoned gender changer, she's weirded out by the idea of changing clothes in a women's toilet. Weird.

The fight scene with the little darkness monster was cool btw. It's a nice idea to lighten the shopping stuff up. The shopping itself has a bit too many details for my liking, but it doesn't really hurt. It would probably better if you'd combine the shopping with her feelings about her new gender. Would be the perfect opportunity to add some angst or gender dysphoria.

Cool scene with the policeman. Although I'd like to know why it resolved without trouble. I hope to learn this later :)

The whole affair seems to be more than a "simple" sex-change, David seems to have had a gender change on top of it, considering how easily she deals with the situation. If it's the latter there should be some more explanation earlier after the change.

The bra shopping gets annoying. I just wished she was done with it and the main storyline could continue. What happens next... shoe shopping. The only good thing is the woman and her son's problems.

"Four hundred dollars was more than half a month's rent" Isn't that like mega expensive for a one room apartment? I mean that would be like 800$ a month for her place. That's really much for a one bedroom apartment, or are american apartments that expensive? I pay about 400€ warm for my place...

Only when she's home we get some real information. Apparently not everone can have magic. Nice surprise that she doesn't lack money, but it makes the former sstuff somewhat superflouus. The whole thing feels like planting checkov's guns.

I think this chapter needs some serious cutting. Try to limit the shopping to one scene, I really don't need to know every shirt she buys. You're very thorough listing her financial/life-assets. This gives the story the feeling of a computer game RPG where you can look at a stats screen. It was really weird when you listed all her liscences and cards.

This was the worst chapter so far. Too much fetish fuel in the beginning and not enough plot in general. Or maybe I'm just bored with TG-shopping tours. The plot relevant information seemed rather forced in the end. I guess that was because you've just wrote that much about the mall.

Anyway, worst chapter is definitly relative. The previous chapters were better, but this one definitly also had its funny sides. I just had too many "um... what?!" moments.

Sorry if this comes off somewhat disjointed, it's probably a bit too late here to write serious critic. I kinda hope this helps though. Thank you for writing,
Beyogi