I soloed a couple of severe cracks, just to feel the joy of thuggery while sanctimoniously claiming it was purely to demonstrate how jamming worked, and then spotted the other three for some low level gymnastics. For Carolyn, that actually meant standing with my hands either side of her hips, while she told me her own hands were too small.

“That, my love, is why we have fists. Try it this way”

A standard hand jam consists of sliding a bladed hand into a crack, pulling the thumb across the palm to make it bulge; if placed thumb down, the jam naturally cams as it is weighted, effectively allowing a hold that takes no real strength to maintain, although one’s pain threshold may be crossed first.

A fist jam involves placing the hand across width of the crack, and as it is clenched, the fist widens. LC tried it, and suddenly she was laughing, freely and openly. She pulled on her tiny fist jam, reached above her to put another one in, and forgot all about her feet, which left me with my arms full of six-year-old girl.

“DO IT AGAIN!”

So we did.

Whatever they had made her do, it had left her with surprising strength, and it was Maz who cried a halt to the games for the simple reason that it was nearly one o’clock and therefore, by definition, afternoon. Back into the car, LC demonstrating her fist technique to Kawan, and along to the Fiddler’s Elbow and a right turn.

“Dad?”

“Yes, son?”

“That flat bit, with the path over it. I’ve seen it before somewhere”

“Princess Bride, son. Lot of it was filmed around here. That’s Carl wark, another hill fort, and… that bit there is Higger Tor”

“Any climbing there, Dad?”

“Loads, as long as you don’t mind leaving all your skin behind. Overhangs a bit”

“A bit? How much of a bit?”

“It’s a leaning block, so like a reverse slab. Fifteen metres high, four metres of lean. Too painful even for me. Now, we’re just coming round to the… Right. Going to pull over for a few minutes. This is called the Popular End”

Ish went “Wow!”, while Maz asked the obvious question.

“How much of it is there, love?”

“Five kilometres, love. This is where I was taking Dal and Kul, or at least on day trips That’s Smily Beard, Carolyn, when we all lived here. Oh… there are red grouse behind the edge, Maz”

“How far’s the camp site, Dad?”

“See those trees in front of us?”

“Yeah”

“Just downhill from that. Seen enough for now?”

I had been silently texting as I spoke, with a kettle request, so when I finally pulled up at the North Lees site, Auds had tea ready. LC’s face lit up on seeing her, and I caught a whisper from Ish to her. I couldn’t quite hear, but I could guess the content: ‘See how your friends are still your friends, even if you can’t see them’.

“What kept you dirty stop-outs?”

“Please Miss, I can’t tell a lie, but bigger boys made me do it, and they’re called Burbage North”

“What kit have you got?”

“Rock boots for three of us, and one eight foot sling and an HMS screwgate, although they’re in use as a harness for Carolyn’s bear Oh, and she has her own harness”

“Right! I will admit I did some sneaksing, and checked littl’un’s shoe size. One of our lot works in London, so took a trip to Kensington High Street. Dose she remember who we are, Mike?”

“Yes, but it’s a bit of a trust issue. Not you; she doesn’t seem to understand that people, friends, don’t vanish from the planet when out of sight”

“Not being funny, Mike, bit I doubt she’s ever had a friend before. Maz, yeah, but mums are a different thing. Tell you what: let’s get this brew sorted, your tents up, and then we can natter”

She was right, and once we had our accommodation sorted, we gathered around one of the tables, friends around us in camping chairs or sprawled on rugs or mats, mugs in hands. LC was clamped to Maz, but didn’t seem frightened so much as overwhelmed by the number of people present. Auds did the FAQ bit for late arrivals, such as ourselves.

“Right! No fires, for very bright and warm reasons, but we have been put up in the upper field so that we can have a bit of music. The warden has told everyone who has booked that we will be having a sing-song, so expect some extra company. Just in case we are presented with some miserable campers, we have a noise curfew of ten o’clock, so be aware. Now, it is damper here than up on the moor, so we have permission for barbies, which should help make this lot feel at home. Once we’ve necked these, it’s an amble up past the Plantation for some exercise. Al?”

Her husband walked over to us, a bag in hand, and Audrey waved to LC.

“Hiya, Carolyn. Remember me?”

LC looked sharply up at her mother, before turning back to Auds and nodding.

“Well, we heard you’ve learned how to do fist jams, am I right?”

Another uncertain nod.

“Your Dad tells me you got so busy with hand jams you forgot your feet”

A much quicker nod, followed by, “But he caught me”

“And what did you say when he did?”

That brought a wide grin, and a shout of “Do it again!”, as Auds raised her eyebrows.

“You didn’t say ‘Thank you’, then?”

The grin vanished as quickly as it had arrived, with another jerk of her head to check for any hint from her mother, as Auds shook her hands to signal ‘No’.

“We only want to help you remember your feet, so we found these for you”

It was little Enfys once again, as Al unwrapped a tiny, tiny pair of rocks boots. Auds was so much softer in her tone.

“Want to try them out? We’re going for a walk up to the rocks, but we have ropes and things. Coming?”

Vigorous nodding, followed by an extremely quick look at her mother: ‘Have I done the wrong thing?” unspoken but clear in her expression. Maz hugged her, before asking, “Do you have harnesses for the rest of us? Our girl here has her own”

Auds nodded.

“And ropes and a few racks of gear. Shell we get moving, people?”

We ended up around the Twin Chimneys area, plus some time by Robin Hood’s Cave. I just had to do it, of course, and soloed Hollybush Crack, but much more of my time was spent watching one little girl, face set in concentration as she tried to compensate for her innate lack of reach. On a hunch, I walked my family down to Straight Chimney, an old favourite of mine for having two really sweet jams.

“Right, you lot. I am going to tow a rope up, but will set some runners, so set a ground anchor, Ish. Maz to second, then Carolyn, if she wants to try. Photos please, son, and then we’ll bring you up”

I checked over my borrowed rack, which carried a decent mix of wired and rope-slung nuts, plus slings and quickdraws. Dad and Lad, we danced through the ritual calls before I set off up the introductory wall.

In essence, the route is a wall followed by a narrow chimney, which is capped. There are footholds out on the ribs that form the chimney, but to get to them involves slipping a hand jam in either side of the capstone and sort of leaning backwards a bit. It’s not difficult: you’re only technically sort of a little bit upside down until you’ve brought the first foot out onto one of those holds on the rib. Honest.

It's then a matter of adjusting your jams one by one until you can step onto the capstone and finish. Easy peasy. I set up a multi-anchor direct belay, just in case, and brought Maz up. She arrived grinning like an idiot, and as soon as she was safe, I got a very, vert serious snog.

“That, husband of mine, was SO different! I see why you love it. Those jams, they’re just so, well, like the rock was made for it. You think she’ll manage?”

“One way to find out. Could you belay, so I can watch her?”

“No worries. Give me a few to tie into this…”

“Not that sort of belay, love. Direct: you’re out of the loop, deliberately, just in case. ISH?”

“Yes?”

“Carolyn still want to come up?”

“Oh yes! She said you were like an orang utan”

“Climbed like one, or, and be very careful, looked like one?”

His laughter came up on the wind, and I gathered the rope end.

“ROPE BELOW!”

Another well-rehearsed sequence, and LC was climbing. I clambered a short way down the broken stuff to her right, until I could see her, hair streaming out in the wind.

“Nearly at the chimney, love. Turn to face to your left when you get into it”

“Dad? Where’s Mum?”

“Waiting for you and Ish at the top”

I had to describe back-and-foot technique a few times before she caught on, but her jams were superb. Being so short, she simply stepped straight out onto the footholds, rather than gibbon about, but each upward movement of her hands brought a grin of pure delight. I scrambled back up as she topped out, and then it was another crushing hug for Maz, followed, after no hesitation at all, the same favour for me. I almost forgot about our son, until he casually coughed for attention as he cruised over the capstone.

“Not the only one who can solo, Dad”

“And you won’t be the first to crack a spine here, son. Please get used to the rock first”

He looked a bit shamefaced, but that mood was broken when something nearby shouted “Go back go back go back”, and a happy wife called out, “Red grouse!”

It was still light as we strolled back to the campsite, where one of our few non-climbers had set the barbecues burning, and in short order bottles were being opened as various food products were set out for conversion to crispy burnt bits. As half the climbing club or more was also in the folk club, the rest of the evening was absolutely predictable, with a steady flow of campers from the lower field heading up to join in. We had songs, we had tunes, we had ale, or beer, or coke, and that night’s sleep was as peaceful as I had ever enjoyed in a tent.

“Dad?”

LC’s voice drew me from a confused dream involving a barbecued melodeon.

“Yes, love?”

“Mum said I have to ask you”

“Ask me what?”

“Can we do the climbing thing again today?”

“Right… Could you squeeze across a bit, Maz, so Carolyn can get in the middle? Easier to talk that way”

The girl exchanged a glance with her mother, but was soon eliciting a series of grunts and comments like “Watch your elbow” until she settled down inside our double bag. I moved some of her hair away from her face, and while the flinch was still there, it was much less obvious than it had been.

“Has Mum told you what the plan is, for the rest of our holiday?”

“I can’t remember it all”

“Well, Ish and I have been here before, as well as other places. We are spending two more days here, and they will include climbing. Do you like climbing?”

“I like this climbing!”

“What’s the best bit?”

“It’s not like trees. I can’t fall off”

Maz simply murmured “Palm trees and coconuts, love, and rambutans, sometimes”, and I had to strangle my ‘for fuck’s sake’ before its birth.

“And I like the bit where you don’t have to grip”

“Sorry?”

She made a couple of moves with her hand, and it clicked.

“Jamming! My favourite, too”

“Yes. In that tunnel one, with the roof, that was best”

“That was called ‘Straight Chimney’, love, and it’s a little harder if you’re tall. Ish and me, we have to twist a bit”

“Did the new shoes help?”

“YES!”

“Then This is our plan. We have two days here, as I said, and then we drive to meet other friends, where there are mountains, and there will be a lot of climbing there”

She almost whispered her next question.

“Will there be music?”

“Oh yes, love. Our friend Enfys plays the harp, and do you remember Steph, Mrs Woodruff? With the long red hair?”

“Who jumps about?”

“That’s the one. There may also be some other friends, like Lexie, the woman with the hole in her head, who helped find you and Mum”

She looked at her mother for permission, and then asked the obvious question.

“How did she get the hole?”

“Ah, love, Di—remember Di? Yes? Well, Lexie and Di work to keep people safe, and that was what Lexie was doing when a bad man shot at her.”

“She was nice to me. Di was nice to me, but she’s scary”

Too bloody right, she was.

“Love, she’s scary against bad people, and that’s her job. Anyway, that’s another part of the plan, visiting Di and her friends, before we drive back to the airport”

“Why the airport?”

“Because we have our home a long, long way away, and we need to fly back”

“What will I do? Will it be cleaning again?”

Once more, I throttled the words I needed to say.

“No, love, except for helping me, Ish or Mum sometimes. We will be finding a school for you”

“School?”

“Where you will learn things, with other children your age. Make more friends. Oh, and we live next to the sea, remember? Lots of swimming”

“Will there be climbing?”

Maz answered that one.

“Yes, darling. Smiley Beard and us, we have a group of friends, and… Mike? When we get reception for the phones, that video?”

“Of course! Carolyn, we can show you what we do, and there is also a bit showing Ish, when he was just little. Would you like to see that?”

“Yes please”

I squeezed LC’s arm.

“Right, then. I think Auds mentioned Froggatt for tomorrow, so it will be the Popular End for today, and I can smell bacon already. Ready for breakfast, love?”

“Will they have sausages?”

“They will, love, because WE have sausages, in the eskie bag. Shall we see who is up?”

She wriggled out, unzipping the tent to exit barefoot, wearing her new pyjamas, and Maz chuckled.

“I suppose we have no choice now. Up and at ’em, Mr MBR”

“At your command, Mrs MBR”

A typical communal campers’ breakfast was followed by another walk uphill, where some groups were already gathering at said Popular End, and I began the mental process of ticking off the great routes that LC would be physically unable to complete, simply due to her lack of reach. No Flying Buttress, no Black Hawk Traverse, but there were still plenty of others available. Ish led her up Castle/Black Hawk Chimney, which actually left LC giggling. As for me, I decided that while she might be too short for the high step on Flying Buttress, I could pass her up to the start of the flake. Thus, she climbed the initial slab on a toprope, I placed her on the footholds so she could access the flake, which she fairly flew up, and then I hoisted her over the awkward finish for our son to secure.

That was how the day went, and I had no complaints at all, especially after soloing all three ‘Via’ routes and leading both FB Direct and The Tippler.

Thug is as thug does, naturally. Both Maz and Ish were able to follow me up FB Direct, with its heel hooks and roof, but neither of them managed the crux move on The Tippler. I still had my edge, appropriately.

We ate that night in the Little John, after a walk into town by way of Baulk Lane, and yes, there were a few falling stars. The next morning, we drove out to Froggatt by way of Grindleford’s station café, where we had a Proper Breakfast, and LC discovered what she said was her favourite climb ever, Heather Wall.

It’s a pretty low-grade Severe, but the middle part is the loveliest jamming crack, in a corner to the right of a nice rough slab. For me, it’s basically tow jams and up, but for LC it was a whole sequence of fist and foot jams until she could reach the finishing ledge, and once more I got a shout of “DO IT AGAIN!”

Driving allowed us to pick up some more supplies in Hathersage, and our last night with so many of my oldest friends involved another camp cooking session, a copious quantity of bottled drinks, and LC’s discovery that she could climb the outside wall of the toilet block, oh dear. Our final morning was more than a little emotional, as Auds actually wept into my chest. In the end, she wiped her eyes on her sleeve, before pulling Maz into the hug.

“Maz, I am probably putting my foot into things, but, well, Caro was my best mate, and, well, painful. When Penny told us about you, well, big shoes to fill, I thought, and now, here you are, and… I still mourn my friend, but you two, well. Shoes filled. Shutting up now, but please promise you’ll be back, all of you. Enjoy the mountains, and give them all our love”