“Ex- excuse me?” The young woman asks, her facemask muffling her soft Yorkshire accent. “Can — can we get a selfie with you, please?” I allow myself a small chuckle as I turn to face the asker of the question — a girl barely older than sixteen, standing with three others of her age. All of them are wearing t-shirts with cartoon caricatures on the front and, even though I can’t see them, angel wing prints on the back, just like all t-shirts promoting the group I tried — and failed — to join.

“Of course!” I say, grinning behind my own mask as I pose for the photo with the four girls, all of whom walk away squeaking with excitement after taking the picture.

As they walk away, I can’t help but muse on how my life has changed since leaving the Angel candidates’ mansion, specifically how there are many, many more people who want a part of ‘Dina Williams.’ And, more significantly, how glaringly that contrasts with those who want absolutely nothing to do with me.

It seems strange to say it, but in the time since I returned to Edinburgh, losing my job with my family’s firm has been the least of my worries. In a way, it’s even been a positive, as it’s given me the time to dedicate myself fully to my social media income. More importantly, though, it means that I no longer have to keep up the pretense of being ‘William.’

The very next day after my father disowned me, I bagged up all the clothes that belonged to ‘William’ and took them to the nearest charity drop-off point. My next stop after that was to return my (former) employer’s working from home equipment, and after that I headed straight home to fill in the forms to begin the process to formalise my name change to ‘Dina Williams.’ All the while I did this, I was dressed in my new usual attire of a tight scoop neck bodysuit, a pair of nearly opaque black tights and a short, clingy black skirt.

Several video sessions with Doctor Clarke followed, in which I affirmed and reaffirmed that ‘William Constable’ was no more and ‘Dina Williams’ was the only identity that mattered to me. Eventually, she agreed to bear witness to my deed poll certificate, and while she had still yet to prescribe the hormone replacement tablets I desperately craved, she gave the impression it was a case of ‘when’ rather than ‘if,’ thanks to my coming out to my family — or rather, thanks to me losing my family.

While I was excited to start my new life as ‘Dina,’ there was a part of me that couldn’t escape the simple fact that I was, to all intents and purposes, an orphan. There were nights when I cried myself to sleep and occasions when I would suddenly weep during the day at the knowledge that I would almost certainly never see my parents again, or my grandparents, or even my sister. However, while that door had been firmly slammed shut, another door had opened, and beyond this one laid the kind of love and acceptance I never even dreamed was possible.

Despite her filming commitments with the remaining episodes of ‘So You Want to Be an Angel,’ Kelly has kept up her promise to be there for me when I needed her the most. We still chat on average once every 2 days, often with her consoling me and offering advice about my situation, but sometimes just chatting about trivial things, exchanging fashion and make-up tips, sometimes even just gossiping about our lives. Having this kind of friendship seemed utterly foreign to me as a child — friends were only friends if they offered you something practical or tangible, a way to get ahead in life. Having someone to simply talk to has been one of the most pleasant revelations about my transition.

And, of course, it hasn’t just been Kelly I’ve interacted with since leaving the mansion. As I promised her when she left the mansion, I met up with Ginny and gave her a guided tour of Edinburgh, our photos from that day being the most ‘liked’ on both of our Instagram pages. Much to my surprise, a week after I left the mansion, Lil — who was the next candidate eliminated after me — showed up in Edinburgh, and we had a pleasant day exploring the city together, Lil’s competitive streak having vanished with nothing left to ‘compete’ for. Photos from that trip were also extremely well ‘liked’ and also extremely profitable in terms of partnership offers from brands. And while there was a part of me that saw those offers as being from brands who simply couldn’t afford ‘real’ Angels, I wasn’t about to turn down the revenue they brought me. Despite my ‘technical unemployment,’ I could still live comfortably even if I wasn’t making as much money as I was working for my family.

That’s not to say that I didn’t have the option to make that much money if I wanted to, though. Ever since my elimination, countless newspapers and websites contacted me for interviews, but each one made it clear that the main reason they wanted to interview me was about my relationship with my family, and that was a bridge I didn’t want to cross. Especially not as I knew that I wouldn’t be able to cross it without burning it to ashes. Whatever their feelings toward me, I still loved my family, and a tiny part of me still hoped beyond hope that one day, ‘Dina Constable’ would be welcomed back into the fold with open arms. However, I knew that if that day did come, it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

Despite everything, though, I was determined to look on the positive side of things. ‘Dina Williams’s debut to the world had been, for the most part, a total success, and if the group of teenagers who walked away on a high at the mere thought of getting a selfie me isn’t proof of that, I don’t know what is.

My connecting train arrives mere moments later, though, preventing any more selfie opportunities, and as I take my seat I allow myself a small nervous shiver as the train ferries me back in the direction of the mansion in Lincolnshire that was my home for nearly two weeks, and was the place where I truly consider ‘Dina Williams’ to have been born.

Another reason for the nerves, though, is that at long last, I will get to meet face-to-face the woman who’s helped me so much these past weeks — though as I step off my train, I realise that that meeting is taking place sooner than I expected.

“Dina!” The oriental trans woman squeaks excitedly, making me gasp with shock as I exit the station concourse.

“Kelly!” I squeak back, instinctively rushing forward to give my mentor a hug, before remembering the reason we’re both wearing face masks.

“Ah — heh,” Kelly giggles, before waving both hands at me. “Virtual hugs and kisses!”

“Virtual hugs and kisses!” I giggle, mirroring my mentor’s gesture. “What are you doing here, anyway? I thought I wouldn’t see you until the finale tomorrow?”

“Like I wasn’t going to take the opportunity to get up here a little earlier?” Kelly says. “Me and a couple of the other Angels, the ones who don’t have family commitments, came up a day early and we’re staying in the annex of the mansion. It’s meant to be a secret, so stay tight-lipped!”

“Don’t worry, I will,” I say, my heart beating faster at not just being in the presence of an Angel, but her treating me as an equal — no, not just an equal, an equal woman. “And thanks. And it is genuinely great to finally be meeting you in the flesh, heh.”

“Likewise, and I really mean that,” Kelly says with obviously genuine enthusiasm as I put my suitcase in the boot and we both elegantly slide onto the back seat of the car that’s been laid on for us. “How — how are things, anyway?”

“Honestly? Improving day by day,” I reply. “They’ll be better once I finally get a prescription for the ‘miracle drug,’ though.”

“Oestrogen?” Kelly asks, sighing sadly as I nod. “It — it’s a weird one. Before I started it myself, I thought ‘I’m already 5’ 6” and delicate, do I really need it?’ Then I realised that yes, yes I do. It really is — heh. Cliches aside, it really does transform your life.”

“I’ll try not to feel TOO jealous,” I say with a tired chuckle.

“Sorry,” Kelly grimaces, chuckling as I shrug to let her know I didn’t take any offence. “Long trip down?”

“Ooh, yeah, and an early start too,” I chuckle. “I’ve been getting used to sleeping in since — well, since becoming ‘self-employed,’ heh.”

“It’s definitely a perk of the ‘job,’ hehe!” Kelly giggles. “Okay, I was up early this morning too — well, earlier, anyway. London is a bit closer than Edinburgh, heh.”

“Most places are closer than Edinburgh,” I retort. “That’s actually the big thing I wasn’t looking forward to — like, if I won the show, having to move to London. Heh, though that was BEFORE I — well, when I still had a family, if you get what I mean.”

“I get it,” Kelly whispers softly.

“Ironically, most of my ‘new family’ now do live in London,” I chuckle sadly. “A- anyway, what are the plans for the next couple of days? I packed everything the producers told me to, but I assumed I’d only be there for the finale itself?”

“Well…” Kelly says hesitantly, “there’s going to be a big dinner tonight for all nine of you, where you’ll sort-of be a ‘treat’ for the final three. You’ll stay overnight in your old room, then have breakfast and lunch together, then the ‘crowning’ ceremony will take place and then, well, new Angel time, heh!”

“Are all of us coming back, then?” I ask. “I’d be surprised if Michelle agreed to come back, and Aura, after coming so close to the final three but falling just short.”

“I won’t lie, we were expecting to see some photos of positive lateral flow tests this morning,” Kelly chuckles tiredly. “But nope, everyone’s come back! I think the producers might have more planned for the rest of you, but if they have, they haven’t told me. The talent is usually the last to know, heh.”

“It’s good that everyone’s back, though,” I muse.

“Oh, totally,” Kelly says with a smile. “So if we do the show again next year, we can be confident it’ll be another success. Heh, and next time round Martha, Lydia or Hayley will be one of the ‘mentors.’ ”

“I take it we can’t enter two years in a row, though?” I ask, chuckling as Kelly sighs sadly at me behind her mask.

“Not if you reached a ‘squad,’ I’m afraid,” Kelly replies with a sad chuckle. “Those are the producers’ rules, and — yeah. Though it’s not like you haven’t made the most of your time in the mansion already, I saw the posts you made with Ginny and Lil.”

“Yep, they were definitely fun and profitable days,” I say with a grin. “Helped, of course, by living in the most beautiful city in the world. I don’t suppose you’ve ever been to Edinburgh, by any chance?”

“A few times, actually,” Kelly replies. “All pre-Covid, of course. My then-boyfriend went to the Fringe with his friends one time and we went back for a romantic evening a bit later, when it wasn’t so busy, heh.”

“Yeah, it can get a bit crowded when the Festival and the Fringe are in town, heh,” I say.

“Though we did genuinely love the city,” Kelly continues. “Even if, within the following six months, we also visited Paris, Florence, Barcelona and Oslo.”

“It’s a hard life, but someone has to do it,” I snort as the car continues to bear us westward.

After dropping Kelly off at the small cottage in the mansion’s grounds, the car continues on to the main entrance of the mansion. As we pull up outside the imposing facade of the mansion, I feel a wave of emotion pass over my body, just as I did when I first arrived here two months ago — but which feels like a whole other lifetime.

However, unlike the first time I was here, the emotion I feel isn’t anxiety or excitement, but rather familiarity, even a sense of belonging. ‘Dina Williams’ may have been ‘born’ in Scotland, but it was in this building that she — or rather, I — truly began to blossom, to find my feet, find my voice — my true identity, even. It was here where I met eight other women — seventeen, if you include the Angels themselves — who unquestioningly accepted me as one of their own. And I’m returning here not as a loser, but as a friend — perhaps, even, as a ‘sister.’ Even though I’ll only be here for less than 48 hours, it’ll be just as hard to leave as it was the first time round….

Once I’ve grabbed my suitcase from the car, a member of the production crew leads me into the mansion and back to my old room, which is just as I’d left it weeks earlier, to the extent that even the make-up mirrors are adjusted just how I’d left them when I departed. I waste no time in unpacking and changing from my comfortable travelling outfit into a short, tight dark purple off-shoulder cocktail dress, a pair of glossy black tights and my favourite pair of Louboutin stilettos with thin 4” heels. After enhancing my make-up, my nails and volumising my hair as much as I can with hairspray, I sit down on my bed and wait for the production crew to give me my next instructions. Before that can happen though, much to my surprise, my screen illuminates to inform me of an incoming call.

It takes me a while to remember where I’d put the remote control that answers the call, but I eventually get the screen switched on, and unsurprisingly it’s the face of my mentor that greets me with a warm smile.

“Hey Dina!” Kelly says with an excited grin. “Long time no see, hehe!”

“Yep!” I reply with a knowing wink.

“And you are looking H-O-T!” Kelly giggles. “I am totally getting that dress when I get back to London. Are you all settled back in?”

“Thanks, and yep,” I reply. “It kinda already feels like I’ve never been away.”

“And I bet you’re looking forward to seeing everyone again,” Kelly says softly. “Out of everyone — including those you’ve met up with since leaving the mansion — who would you say you’ve missed the most?”

“…Probably Ginny and Martha,” I reply after a moment’s consideration. “They were both the friendliest while I was here. After them, maybe Lydia.”

“So — so if you had to pick two of the others,” Kelly says, pausing like she's taking extra care when wording her question, “out of everyone, even those who have been eliminated, if you had to pick two of the other girls you’d have liked to have seen become Angels, would it be Ginny and Martha?”

“Definitely,” I reply without hesitation, smiling as Kelly chuckles and nods.

“Are there any challenges you wished you’d been here for?” Kelly asks, waiting patiently as I think about my answer.

“the ‘TV and film cosplay’ one looked especially fun,” I reply. “I’ve been told sometimes in my comments that I look a bit like Keira Knightley, so I’d have happily slipped into a fancy 19th century ballgown and a tight corset for the evening.”

“I’ve done that before for a photoshoot,” Kelly says in an almost cautious tone. “Trust me, those vintage corsets are NOT fun when you’re trapped in them for hours at a time!”

“I’ll have to take your word for it,” I giggle. “But — yeah. I really missed this place more than I thought I would, heh.”

“I can tell,” Kelly says softly. “I can also tell that the friends you’ve made here will be genuine ones you’ll keep your whole life. And that, well, for want of a better way of putting it, and correct me if I’m wrong, but here you — you’ve felt accepted, felt ‘seen’ for the first time ever. Am I right?”

“Heh, you know you’re right,” I reply, earning another sympathetic smile. “And yeah, even if I can’t take away the ‘grand prize,’ making lifelong friends is more than an acceptable ‘consolation prize,’ heh.”

“It’s not just Jamie who thinks that you can never have too many,” Kelly says with a wink as I sit back down on my bed, crossing my legs and allowing myself to be engrossed in the conversation.

My mentor and I only have a few more minutes to talk, though, before we’re interrupted by one of the production team, who escorts me down to outside the main recreation room. Along the way, I feel my nerves start to jangle, though they’re quickly put to one side when five familiar faces loom into view.

“Dina!” Ginny squeaks excitedly as she rushes forward to give me a tight hug, followed by Lil. After exchanging more ‘polite’ hugs with Marcie, Aura and Michelle, the conversation that the five women had previously been having resumes — with Lil and Aura predictably ‘taking charge.’

“So, like, easily the best thing about now being a national celebrity is being able to order your boyfriend to do whatever ya tell him to,” Lil says with a smug giggle, apparently having already forgotten about my arrival. “Like, for example, take the day off work to drive me down from Newcastle to Lincolnshire and then find some way to keep himself entertained when nothing’s open and there’s nothing nearby to be open in the first place! Okay, a train might’ve been more comfortable, but ya got to show them who’s boss, right?”

“Too right,” Marcie giggles. “Though it’s my family who’ve been the real heroes since I got home. I dunno if it was because I was up for elimination so many times, but they REALLY started treating me like a princess when I got home.” Lucky for some, I think to myself as I bite my tongue.

“You ARE a princess,” Aura gushes as she gives her friend a one-armed hug. “Though I’ll admit I got plenty of ‘extra love’ from my family too. Apparently just saying the name ‘Aura Randall’ opens doors even if you aren’t Aura herself, heh!”

“Yeah, well, not all of us can be that lucky,” I find myself saying almost automatically, regretting the words the instant they leave my mouth — though much to my surprise, they actually seem to have the intended effect.

“Oh — oh, Dina, I am SO sorry,” Aura says, and actually appears to be sincere in her contrition. “Was it — was it bad? When you got home, I mean?”

“It couldn’t really have gone any worse,” I sigh as all of my friends look on with sympathy. “Apparently, for wanting to follow my own path, I’m no longer good enough for the ‘proud Constable family.’ My father made it clear that I’m dead to him, I’m a waste of skin, I’ll never amount to anything-”

“Tch, shows what he knows!” Lil interrupts as she gives my hand a supportive squeeze. “We are ALL gorgeous and successful women, right?”

“Right!” We all cheer as Ginny gives my other hand a gentle squeeze. Naturally, before I can say anything, Lil picks up on the gesture and uses it as an excuse to continue her 'interrogation.'

“Ugh, did — did you get grief from your family too, Ginny?” Lil asks, and I can’t help but find it telling that this question wasn’t asked before I arrived.

“I didn’t get a gosh darn thing from them,” the Texan woman snorts. “I don’t even think they know the show exists, and I surely ain’t gonna be the one to tell them.” Ginny smiles appreciatively as I return her hand squeeze. “I did find that I got a lot more folks recognising me on the streets of Oldham, though.”

“As you should,” Lil gushes to unanimous agreement. Before anything more can be said, though, the producers open the door to the recreation room, and I’m almost deafened by the shrieks of excitement that come from the three ‘Angel candidates’ I haven’t reunited with yet, as well as the women already in the room — myself included. I can’t help but grin when out of everyone, Martha immediately makes a beeline for me and wraps me in a tight hug.

“Oh my god, Dina!” The mixed-race woman squeals as she lays eyes on me. “They said they were giving the three of us a special treat tonight, I didn’t realise it was THIS special!”

“Trust me, it’s a treat for me too!” I say, squeaking with excitement. “And you look AMAZING!”

“Uh — yeah, I really look ‘amazing,’ huh?” Martha says with a snort of laughter as she gestures to her unmade-up face, baggy t-shirt and leggings.

“Yes, yes you do,” I reply sternly, earning a giggle from my friend, which only gets louder when we’re joined by the tall bespectacled girl who is also one of her fellow finalists.

“Hey Dina!” Lydia sighs happily as she gives me a hug. “Ugh, it seems like forever since I last saw you and the rest of the girls….”

“I know, right?” I sigh. “But we’re back now, even if all we are is ‘window dressing’ for you finalists, heh!”

“Well we need a bit more than just ‘window dressing,’ ” Martha snorts. “This one’s been an absolute basket case since the last task!”

“I’m in the final, can you blame me?” Lydia retorts.

“Is someone having a bit of a freak out at nearly being an Angel?” Lil asks, inserting herself in the conversation and exchanging hugs with Martha and Lydia, while I can’t help but notice how the previous ‘cliques’ have suddenly reasserted themselves despite their ‘leaders’ having long since been eliminated from the competition. Sensing that she feels a little left out, I gesture for Ginny to join our ‘subgroup,’ and she almost immediately receives hugs from Martha and Lydia as well.

“So…” Ginny teases. “What’s it like, nearly having them big ol’ white wings on your back?”

“STRESSFUL,” Martha replies with a tired laugh. “Like, we’ve been here 28 days and there’s only one left, but even that feels like — well, I’ve never run a marathon, but I can kinda imagine.”

“I HAVE run a marathon,” Lydia interjects, “and you are totally right, believe me. The difference is that you start a marathon knowing that you’ve probably got no chance of winning, so you’re only really ‘competing’ against yourself. Then, all of a sudden, the finish line is in sight and there’s only two people ahead of you.”

“Flattering that you think that I’m ahead of you,” Martha snorts. “I mean, I get that Hayley’s probably ahead of me, but still….”

“No telling who’s the Angels’ favourite, then?” Lil asks.

“Not for us, nope,” Lydia replies with a sigh. “I’m looking forward to the usual Strictly-style ramping up of tension where they say ‘and the winner is’ before going to the loo for fifteen minutes and leaving us all at the end of our tethers.”

“Guess we’ll just have to be your ‘nursemaids’ for the next 24 hours, then?” I suggest to the general approval of the group, before biting my lip and sighing as I see Michelle standing apart from both groups, looking lost, almost like she's too nervous to talk to anyone after the way she left the mansion. While I have no particular love for the woman, after the way my family treated me on my return to Scotland, there is no way I’m letting ANYONE be excluded or ostracised. After all, she did follow me on social media when she left the mansion…. “Hey, Michelle? We’ve decided we’re going to be nursemaids for the finalists, do you want in?”

“…Okay, but if any of you throw up on this dress, you’re getting the dry-cleaning bill,” the tall, dark-haired woman says in her refined accent as the room quickly fills with the sound of excited laughter.

A short while later, the three finalists head back to their rooms to change into fancier dresses to match us six 'returnees.' Eventually, they return to the main room just as the production staff arrive to set it up for a fancy dinner, just as we enjoyed on our very first night here a month ago. However, the excitement levels in the room remain high, and that doesn’t change when the dinner is cleared away and we again break into our respective ‘cliques,’ with Martha, Lydia and I accompanying Ginny to the bar while Lil and Michelle take a walk around the mansion grounds.

“I was truly impressed that y’all tried mixing your own drinks after I left,” Ginny says as she takes over behind the bar, just as she did before her elimination.

“Not as impressed as I was when I saw you get that promotional deal with that gin company,” I tease, smirking as the American girl blushes.

“Heh, almost makes me feel like we’ve missed out, being in here,” Lydia says as she gestures to herself and Martha.

“Ladies, your inboxes will surely be burstin’ at the seams with offers of work when y’all get out of here!” Ginny says confidently.

“Even if neither of you become the next Angel. But honestly? I’d happily bet on either of you,” I saw with a smile.

“I think you’re writing off Hayley a bit too easily there,” Martha says, before grimacing. “Not that I’m saying that being trans is giving her an advantage, because I know who I’m talking to here, but — yeah. She has nailed EVERY challenge since being in the ‘persuasion’ that first time.”

“And for what it’s worth,” Lydia says, “I’ve been in here with her for a month and I really don’t think of her as a trans woman, just a woman, full stop. Same applies for both of you.”

“This — this place is, like, the most ‘included’ I’ve ever felt,” I whisper. “Though admittedly I haven’t been ‘out’ that long, heh.”

“Well, I HAVE been out a while,” Ginny says, “and I feel the exact same way. And I know that whoever wins tomorrow, they’ll have earned it, plain and simple.”

“Aw, thanks!” Martha giggles as we all clink our glasses together. “…And yes, you two are doing a much better job than the alcohol when it comes to relaxing me, hehe!”

“Glad I could be of service,” I giggle. “And everyone in here has done a much better job of being a family to me than my blood so-called ‘relatives’ ever have, too.”

“Aww, Dina…” Lydia sighs sadly, giving me a gentle one-armed hug. “Family’s about more than just blood or names.”

“Or titles?” I ask, smirking as Lydia nods defiantly.

“Families are about love, plain and simple,” Lydia states. “A group of people united by love will always be stronger than a group of people united by blood. Not that the two are mutually exclusive, but my point still stands.”

“And I, for one, do genuinely love all of you guys,” Martha says with an emotional voice.

“…Just how many of these have you had?” Ginny asks, earning giggles from all of us, Martha included.

“Not enough!” The dark-skinned woman says, finishing her drink and laughing as she sets her glass down to be refilled, while I muse on what Lydia said.

All throughout my childhood, I had it drilled into me that nothing was more important than family — or rather, nothing was more important than the bloodline, as though the concept of a family was more important than the people who were actually part of the family. Preserving the family’s image, keeping up appearances for our ‘betters’ was paramount. Actually taking care of the people in the family, ensuring they — we — were okay, mentally and physically? That was at best seen as nothing more than an investment. And when a member of the family was deemed ‘beyond repair’ like me or my oldest brother? We were discarded, almost like firing an unruly employee. Literally like that in my case, even. But Martha, Ginny, Lydia and the others? I can already tell that we will be friends for years, through thick and thin — just like the Angels. A group of women who were not united by blood, but by friendship and love, and who, for the last seven years, have set a far better example of what family should be than any blood relative that I know.

And in less than 24 hours’ time, there’s a very good chance that one of the two women sat on my immediate right will join their ranks. Despite my envy, I genuinely couldn’t be happier for the new Angel, whoever they might be.

Naturally, my head is thumping when I wake up the following morning, but despite the fact that I haven’t slept here in over two weeks, I don’t feel disoriented at waking up in a bed other than the one in my Edinburgh flat. The mansion has truly become a second home to me, and even though I won’t be the only one leaving today, it’ll be hard to tear myself away from my ‘honorary birthplace’ once again.

After showering, I pull on a casual grey t-shirt and denim miniskirt before heading down to breakfast, where the mood is understandably subdued. However, it quickly becomes clear despite the silence in the room that the tension has far more to do with the expectation of today’s result — and the breaking of our little ‘fellowship’ — than with the alcohol that was consumed last night. Martha and Hayley in particular barely eat anything or say anything to anyone, such is their anxiety about today.

None of us stick around for long after breakfast, as the ‘ceremony’ is scheduled for 11:30am to allow time for extra filming afterwards and to allow the Angels — old and new — to return to London later today, many of them having young families to care for. Naturally, this fact makes me smirk as I remember my thoughts from last night. Everything I’ve seen of the Angels and their children made me envious whenever I thought of my own childhood. Charlotte, Jamie, Krystie, Mary and Viks all have children under the age of seven, but they don’t put any pressure on them to be ‘proper.’ There’s no pressure to uphold ‘family values’ or 'traditions.' The children are free to be who they want to be, and sure, according to their social media pages Krystie’s daughter studies ballet enthusiastically, and Mary’s eldest daughter has recently got big into gymnastics like her mother. But those interests came about naturally, rather than the kids being coerced into them. I wonder if I’d have taken up an interest in hunting and shooting if I hadn’t been forced into it every summer. I wonder if I’d have taken up an interest in remaining male….

Naturally, I put those thoughts to the back of my mind as I get ready for today’s grand finale. After pulling on my shapewear, including a tight girdle, my best padded bra and 'tucking' thong, I double check to make sure my body is perfectly smooth and hairless below my eyebrows, before pulling on the dress I had picked out for today. Wanting to make up for my ‘faux pas’ in the first challenge (even if that does feel like a lifetime ago), the dress is very slinky, has a high neckline and hugs my body tightly before flaring out to a long skirt with a high slit up one side. The dress and the matching stilettos I pick out are both a shiny shade of dark blue, and after painting my nails to match, I set about my make-up. I start, of course, with my hair and make-up, brushing out my growing hair into an elegant style that frames my face, before applying liberal amounts of my favourite foundation, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara and of course my preferred brand of nude matte lipstick. As I examine my reflection in the mirror, I feel just as ‘Angelic’ as any of the other women I’ll see today.

…Though my confidence wanes slightly when I’m led by the producers to the stage that’s been set up outside the mansion for the ‘ceremony,’ and I discover that many of the women I’ve looked up to are already here in person and are mingling with the others. My confidence then vanishes completely when one of the women I’ve looked up for my entire adult life spots me and rushes straight over as fast as her stilettos will carry her.

“Dina!” The refined yet friendly voice of Jamie-Lee Burke calls out, grinning widely as she greets me with a gentle hug. “Don’t worry, we all tested negative before coming up here today, hehe! I was hoping I’d get the chance to talk to you before the finale.”

“Th- thanks,” I giggled nervously. THE Jamie-Lee Burke wants to talk to ME?

“I just wanted to say that even though you weren’t in the mansion long, I was really impressed with how well you did,” Jamie says softly. “And I — I genuinely can’t believe you’re not on HRT. Well, you weren’t on HRT at the time, anyway — please tell me that’s now changed?”

“Ah — umm, nope,” I reply with a sigh, earning a sympathetic smile from the woman who is an idol to many, myself included. “Soon, maybe.”

“If you lived in London, I’d recommend you to my counsellor,” Jamie offers with a genuine sympathetic smile. “She does video calls as well, but I’m not sure exactly how ‘long distance’ she is. I can always ask on your behalf when I get back home, if you’d like?”

“Oh- umm, that — that’s kind,” I stammer as I try to process what’s happening right now. “I kinda don’t want to, you know, start over with a new counsellor.”

“I get that,” Jamie says softly. “But the offer’s always on the table, as is the offer to-“

“Umm, excuse me?” My ‘official’ mentor — I say ‘official’ as it feels like I gained another mentor in the last two minutes — interrupts as she walks up and places an almost protective arm around my shoulders. “You already have your candidate, Jamie, stop trying to poach mine!”

“Miss Watson,” Jamie says with a devilish grin.

“Mrs. Milton?” Kelly replies- Milton being Jamie’s married name while Burke is her ‘professional’ surname.

“Can you ever have too many friends?” Jamie asks with a smug grin while my mentor pouts.

“…No,” Kelly mumbles in reply, before giggling and greeting Jamie with a hug of her own.

“For what it’s worth, I agree,” I say, giggling as Kelly gives me a playful nudge. “But Hayley did look REALLY nervous last night.”

“Oh, I know, and she’s no less anxious this morning,” Jamie sighs sadly. “But from where she was at the start of the show, she’s really come out of her shell and no matter what, she can consider herself proud to have reached the final.” Why do you sound almost like you’re conceding defeat on her behalf? I think to myself. Has the decision already been taken? “I just wanted to take the time to talk to all of the candidates one on one as, well, I’ve kinda already said my catchphrase, heh!”

“And — thanks,” I say with a smile. “Not just — not just for, like, now, but for everything you’ve done over the years. You’ve both been such a help to me, you’ll probably never know how much.” Much to my surprise, Jamie almost looks like she’s blinking back tears as I speak — she must surely have heard this before countless times?

“As long as you help girls like us with your new public profile, I’ll consider us even,” Jamie says, exchanging another hug before heading off to mingle with the other candidates.

“…Okay, wasn’t expecting THAT when I set foot in the garden, heh,” I chuckle as Kelly smiles. “Oh — I, umm, I didn’t mean that, like, no offence, but — umm….”

“Honestly? I get it,” Kelly chuckles. “I mean, okay, I started transitioning before the Angels were founded, but I wouldn’t join them for another three years, so — yeah. Sometimes even I get starstruck talking to Jamie, same goes for all the other girls.”

“That’s comforting to hear,” I sigh. “As I still — I still sometimes feel like a phony next to all the oth-“

“No, just — no,” Kelly interrupts me. “You are most definitely one hundred per cent NOT a phony. You are a woman, end of story, and you deserve to be here just as much as any of the rest of us, whether they're Angel, candidate or anyone. Okay?”

“O- okay,” I say. “I mean, I know this, consciously, and I — I do feel more confident with every passing day. Every ‘like’ on my social media is another ‘eff you’ to my f- my biological family, and anyone else who — well, you of all people should know, right?”

“Try being mixed race and trans, THAT isn’t fun,” Kelly snorts, making me blush.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“Oh — no, I’m sorry,” Kelly sighs. “It being hard for me doesn’t make your struggle trivial, okay? It’s not trivial for any girls like us. So do you know what the best thing we can do is?”

“Set a good example for everyone?” I ask.

“…Yes, but we do THAT by living our best lives at all times,” Kelly says, earning a grin from me. “Which means showing off my gorgeous and girly candidate to everyone! Hey, Hannah!”

“Hey Kelly — oh, hey Dina!” The tall, blonde Angel says, a wide, genuine grin spreading across her face as she sees me standing next to my mentor. “LOVE that dress, hehe! Did you get down from Edinburgh alright?”

“Umm, yeah, thanks,” I chuckle, astonished that a woman with such a colossal public profile as Hannah’s would be interesting in simply chatting with me. “Everything — umm, was everything okay on the journey up from London?”

“I actually got here yesterday, same as Kelly,” Hannah replies candidly. “Thankfully not much of a hassle, at least until we ran out of ‘proper’ roads and had to take the back roads to get here, heh!” I smile in amazement as I continue to just chat with this ultra-famous, ultra-beautiful woman like we’ve been friends for years, before Hannah heads off to do the rounds with the other candidates.

And that’s how it goes with all of the other Angels. They come up to me, greet me like they would any other woman and chat to me like an old friend. At no point am I ever made to feel like the odd one out, an imposter of someone who didn’t belong in the company of such famous, successful women. A couple of the Angels even get their phones out for selfies with me — ME! All of them also add me on their social media pages — not just their public ones, but their private, personal ones too — and mention how much they’d like to see me travel to London one day for one of their famous Saturday night parties at Charlotte Hartley’s London residence.

Eventually, though, the time for talking is over, and the production crew waste no time in springing into action. In what feels like seconds, they set up cameras and microphones and order both Angels and candidates alike into the positions they set out for us on the stage in the mansion's vast garden. Much to my surprise, though, the three finalists aren’t ordered to stand separately from the rest of us, but rather all nine of us are standing in one line, side-by-side, albeit with Martha, Hayley and Lydia in the middle. Much to my surprise, I actually find myself starting to feel nervous as the Angels take their marks opposite us, each one looking at us with knowing, almost smug looks on their faces.

“Angel candidates,” Hannah announces. “Over the last month, you have all worked hard to try to impress us, not just with your looks, but with your work ethic, your adaptability to new challenges, and most importantly of all, your kindness toward each other. If we could make you all Angels, we would. But, sadly, we can’t.”

“What we can do, though,” Viks teases, “is offer all of you one-year contracts with Heavenly Talent.” Naturally, this makes all of us gasp — Heavenly Talent, despite its humble beginnings, is one of the biggest and most elite talent agencies in the country. While I’ve worked hard — and undoubtedly, so have the others — for them to offer even a limited-time contract isn’t just validation of my work as an influencer, but of ‘Dina Williams’ as a woman as well. And, given that the agency prizes hard work and Kelly has given me nothing but praise for my work ethic, there’s every chance that at the end of the twelve months, the contract could be renewed for even longer.

What happens next, though, comes completely out of the blue.

“However,” Jamie continues, “only one of you can win the grand prize of a lifetime contract with Heavenly Talent. Only one of you can become an ‘Angel.’ ” All nine of us ‘candidates’ murmur with excitement as a large throne-like chair is carried onto the stage area, upon which is a pair of white Angel wings and a glittery silver halo — obviously to be used in a symbolic ‘coronation’ for whichever of the three finalists win the competition.

“Except…” Charlotte teases with as wide a grin as I’ve ever seen on her, “that’s not quite true. As you know, ever since 2016, we have been a ten-woman ensemble. Well, that changed last year when Malaika went back to Kenya to start a new life and career closer to her family. And with Mary, Krystie and Viks also stepping back from full-time ‘Angel duties’ to focus on family and their businesses, that leaves our group of ten down to just six. Well, seven after we crown the winner of the show.”

“But do you know what’s better than seven?” Mary asks as excitement among us ‘candidates’ reaches fever pitch. “Eight.” I can’t help but glance over at the three finalists, all of whom have their mouths open in shock and anticipation — their chances of winning have just gone from one third to two thirds. Presumably, anyway….

“Where we struggled,” Abbey-Gayle explains, “was how to choose our ‘eighth Angel’ fairly.”

“We had thought about awarding the spot to one of our runners-up,” Kelly says. “But we really didn’t feel that would be fair on the third-placed candidate.”

“So we thought about picking from one of the remaining six candidates as well,” Alice says, making my heart beat even faster. “But again, there was the question of how to choose fairly.”

“Which is why,” Hannah finally says, barely able to contain her own excitement, “we decided that YOU should choose.”

“When you spoke to your Angel mentors yesterday,” Jamie says, “we asked you which two Angel candidates you would most like to have seen become Angels. What you didn’t realise is that you were actually picking who would — or rather, will — be the eighth Angel.” I almost start to hyperventilate as Ginny and I grip each other’s hands harder, letting me know that I’ve received at least one vote, then….

“The votes are in,” Charlotte explains as I find myself starting to sweat, even though I know I have no realistic chance of winning the ‘eighth Angel’ vote. “The winner of the competition received five votes from us Angels, and the winner of the ‘eighth Angel’ also received five votes.” I bite my lip with anticipation as I try to figure out who those five votes are likely to have come from, and more importantly, who they were for.

“And the winners, and our newest Angels, are…” Hannah says, pausing for dramatic effect as all nine of us tremble with anticipation. “Martha!” I grin widely as the dark-skinned woman looks up in a state of shock, almost like she’s about to faint. “And…” Yet another dramatic pause as I think to myself that when the name is called, all of the anxiety will finally be over, and I’ll be able to go home, get back to my ‘new normal’ life, start working on the content that will hopefully get my Heavenly Talent contract extended and — “Dina!”

My jaw drops as I wonder whether or not I actually heard what I thought I heard. I’m in a state of shock, almost numb as Ginny gives me a tight hug. Me? Out of these eight other beautiful women, these borderline goddesses, five of them chose ME to be the next Angel? There must surely be some mistake. I must be dreaming, or imagining, or hallucinating, even. I close my eyes and try to concentrate, fully expecting to wake up back in my bed in Edinburgh, but every time I open my eyes, I’m back in the same large garden in Lincolnshire, with the same seventeen women looking at me expectantly.

“Did they — did they say MY name?” I ask, my legs wobbling even as the others giggle at me.

“You gone done and won, Dina!” Ginny yells in my ear, before leading me to Martha, who — also in a near state of shock herself — wraps me in a tight hug.

“We did it, girlie!” Martha whispers, clinging to me to keep herself upright even as I struggle to simply stay on my feet. With our bodies still shaking and both of us unlikely to move under our own power anytime soon, Kelly and Krystie — my and Martha’s respective mentors — arrive to take us by the hands and lead us toward the two thrones. Despite my years of experience of walking in heels, I still find myself stumbling — and gratifyingly, so does Martha — and tears well in my eyes as I reach the throne and turn back to face the other seven women, all of whom are cheering enthusiastically, and as far as I can tell, genuinely happily for the two of us.

It’s only as Kelly fastens the wings to my back, places the halo on my head and sets me down on the throne that the enormity of what just happened dawns on me. I, Dina Williams, am now an Angel. I have been chosen out of the nine candidates, and thousands more who applied, to not just represent, but be one of the faces of this famous group and agency. And as I relax back into the throne, my heart rate gradually slows down, and I can’t help but smirk at the symbolism of it all.

All throughout my childhood, I had it drilled into me by my family that I need to set an example for everyone else to live by. That as our family was upper class, the rest of the country — almost by default — looked up to us and almost idolised us, just as we idolised — or rather, should have idolised — the royal family and those our family deemed ‘better’ than us. Naturally, as I grew up, I began to realise just how ridiculous this concept of ‘better’ was, all thanks to the Angels, and to an almost equal extent, Dina Black.

The ‘other’ Dina didn’t come from an upper-class family. Her family was at ‘best’ middle class, but that didn’t stop her from being kind, friendly and humble. She set an example for me to live by in more ways than just her fashion sense, and so did the Angels. They came from a variety of backgrounds — Charlotte and Viks are upper middle class, Krystie and Alice are working class, Mary and Hannah both grew up poor and Abbey-Gayle and Malaika are (or in the latter’s case, were) immigrants. That didn’t stop them from treating each other as equals, and as friends. It didn’t stop them from seeing Jamie and Kelly as the true women that they are — or me as the true woman that I am.

My grandfather, and those like him, will no doubt consider this to be ‘bolshie nonsense.’ There are those in every comments section that I post who call me simply living my life to be ‘wokeness gone mad.’ But friendship, kindness, tolerance and acceptance are never nonsense. This is something I truly believe, and this has no doubt helped me earn — truly earn — my spot as the newest Angel. My father was right about one thing- I have a duty to set an example to others. Literally, as I’m now an ‘Angel.’ I will have a greater presence in the British zeitgeist than the rest of my family put together, and while I intend to use it to spread the Angels’ message of friendship and tolerance, there’s a part of me that desperately wants to rub my new success in my family’s faces — not that I’d ever expect them to care, of course. However, thousands, if not millions of people will care that I’m an Angel, and I intend to live up to all of their expectations.

After the film crew finish getting shots of Martha and I on our thrones, the two of us are led back to the house to have more footage taken, including photos with the other Angels and video of us cracking open a bottle of champagne and sharing a toast with our mentors (even if Krystie doesn't drink any as she's recently become pregnant with her second child). More ‘formal’ obligations come next, including signing another NDA to agree not to disclose the result until it’s streamed online, and most importantly of all, the signing of the lifetime (albeit with come caveats, including some concerning conduct and behaviour) contract with Heavenly Talent.

“Well, now it’s official!” Kelly giggles as I apply the signature of ‘Dina Williams’ to the contract — an action that still makes me tingle with excitement.

“One of us! One of us!” Abbey-Gayle cheers as the rest of the Angels look on with pride.

“W- wow, this is — this is still so unreal,” Martha gushes with me nodding in agreement. “Do I — nah, it’s not important, I was going to ask who voted for me, but I — I don’t need to know.”

“All you DO need to know is that all nine of us accept you — both of you — into the family with open arms,” Charlotte says as she gives the tearful new Angel a tight hug, before turning to me and giving me one as well. “And I honestly can’t wait to start working with both of you, I really can’t. I can already tell you’re both going to be great additions to the family.” At the blonde woman’s mention of the word ‘family,’ it’s my turn to tear up, something she immediately picks up on. “Oh, Dina, are you — are you okay? Did I say something?”

“N- no, it’s just — heh,” I reply. “The word ‘family.’ Guess I am going to be moving away from Scotland after all, even further away from my ‘family’ than I already was.”

“Well, we’ll all be your new family,” Kelly says, wrapping a comforting arm around my shoulders as I smile. “Assuming you can get used to the accents, anyway.”

“It does take a while, but you eventually stop noticing it,” Alice says in her pronounced Teesside accent, earning a giggle from all of us.

“…Thanks,” I whisper happily as for the first time, I finally feel like I, Dina Williams, have found somewhere I truly belong.

“And it’s kinda ironic, in a way,” Alice muses as we head back out to the garden, where a party and some food has been laid on for all eighteen of us (television productions being exempt from Covid rules for the time being).

“How so?” I ask, curious about the red-haired woman’s choice of words.

“Well, I nearly had a ‘Dina’ on my squad,” Alice replies. “Good-looking girl, and Scottish too, but she was living in London when she auditioned. Didn’t quite have enough of a social media presence to make the cut, but she might reapply next year, you never know. Heh, it’d be funny if Dina has her own ‘Dina’ on her squad, right?”

“…Yeah,” I reply as all of a sudden, I’m gripped by anxiety. The entire world is about to be presented with Dina Williams, the newest Angel- and that includes Dina Black….