CHAPTER 8: Family Talks

 

CHAPTER 8: Family Talks

Drive Home

Ma wanted to ride home with me so Dad agreed to go home on his own so he could drive the car back. And since Ma and Dad parked their car near the park, Dad would get to his car first, and get home quicker than us. So he volunteered to buy dinner. Chicago deep dish, of course. Ma gets her own pizza since she likes mushrooms and green peppers while Dad and I like the Everything Pizza.

So, Dad made his way to his car while Ma and I started making our way back to the mall to pick up my car. It took me about fifteen or twenty minutes to walk from the mall to the park. Walking back might take us longer. But Ma and I didn’t mind. She put her arm through mine and we retraced my route.

As we walked back, Ma was amazed at how natural I was acting.

“No big, Ma,” I said. “It just seems to come to me.” I chuckled, but Ma took it seriously.

“It does seem like it is,” she said. “Look at how the boys are reacting,” she said to me under her breath.

“Huh?”

“Stop flirting, Val,” she said.

“I’m not doing anything!”

She put her hands on my hips. “Stop this!” she whispered.

“What do you mean?”

“Stop swinging your hips!”

“I’m swinging my hips?”

“Yes!” she hissed.

I stopped and looked at her in shock. This forced the other pedestrians behind us to stop as well to avoid walking into us, and just walked around us. After a bit, Ma pulled me forward “Don’t stop. Let’s get to your Jeep.” We picked up the pace and walked on in silence.

When we got to the pedestrian overpass over Michigan, Ma pulled me close.

“You mean you really weren’t trying to do anything, Val?” Ma whispered. We were hyper-aware of all the people around us, so we talked in hushed whispers.

“No, Ma, I wasn’t. Sincerely.”

Ma stopped a bit. “You really weren’t?”

“No!” I whispered back, a little frustrated. She started walking again and pulled me with her.

“Hmmm. Maybe you were doing it unconsciously?”

I thought about it. “How is that even possible?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. But, you know, I think maybe that’s why you’re passing so well as a girl… ‘Coz you were acting girlie all on your own.”

We went down some stairs and then we were back in Michigan.

“How do you feel?” she asked.

“I’m okay, like I said… wait – what do you mean?”

“Do you… feel like a girl?”

I thought about the question and answered honestly. “I don’t know - how is a girl supposed to feel like?” I sighed. “What I do feel is weirded out, Ma. Mr. Daimon and Dr. Griffin say I’m a girl now, but I feel the same. Well… except in my briefs…” I chuckled wanly.

Ma smiled sadly at that. “Nothing’s been done yet, sweetie - nothing’s happened. So that’s all in your head.”

What she doesn’t know, I thought…

“I do understand what you mean,” she said. “I mean, what would your basis be on, after all?”

“Yeah…” I sighed again. “Things don’t seem to have changed, so I don’t really believe this intersex junk.” That’s not the complete truth, after all – I don’t believe the intersex junk because I know it’s just a cover story. What I can’t believe is that my disk was gone.

“I think we can believe the professionals, sweetie – they know their stuff.”

“I suppose…”

“Your dad and I – we’re on your side, you know. Whatever the case may be. Do you believe me?”

“Ma. Of course.” I stopped this time and gave her a tight hug. “I love you guys.” I giggled. “How many times do I have to say it?”

She hugged me back.

Pizza

Finally, back at home, I pulled up behind Dad’s BMW.

“What took you two so long,” Dad said and hugged me. He gave Ma a kiss.

“Daaad!” I said, and Ma giggled. I should be used to that by now, but I guess I never will. I walked to the house ahead of them, and as I walked up the path and then up the porch steps, I had this feeling that they were watching me. I was still in my sweater, tights, and boots, and so I felt self-conscious. I rushed inside and let the screen door close behind me. I stopped and listened to them from inside the living room.

“Did you see that?” Dad said.

“Yes. He was doing that the whole way back.”

“He was?”

“The whole thing. Walking like he was in heels, swinging his hips, flipping his hair. All of it. And I don’t think he even knew he was doing it.”

“Really.”

“Yeah.”

I heard them coming, so I rushed further into the living room and then up the stairs.

“I’m just going to change my clothes,” I said and went up to my room.

“Okay,” Dad called. “Hurry up. Pizza.”

“’Kay!”

In my room, I rushed to pull up my new sweater, took my bra off, pulled off my new tights and panties, and dumped all of them in the hamper behind the door. I then put on a pair of shorts and a short-sleeve pullover and then slid on a pair of flip-flops.

As I passed the mirror in the hallway, I noticed my hair – it was still in the straight combed-back style. I paused. It still made me still look like a girl, and I was a little shocked by that. I deliberately mussed my hair and finger-combed it back to my normal look, and went downstairs.

In the kitchen, I found Ma and Dad chowing down on the pizzas that Dad bought. Ma had a glass of white wine while Dad had a beer.

“Dad, is it okay if I get a beer?” I asked.

Dad nodded and got me one from the fridge. He twisted the cap off and handed it to me as I sat.

“Pizza!” I enthused and got a knife to cut out a slice (Chicago natives might laugh, but I learned early on after we moved here to use a knife and a plate when getting a slice of deep-dish pizza and thereby avoid slopping stuff onto the table).

“Son,” Dad said as I chewed my first bite, “your mom says she thinks you did well when you… tried things out today.”

I paused mid-chew. “Huh?”

“You looked awfully pretty in your outfit today, and you tell us it wasn’t like planned,” Ma said.

“Well, no…”

“What made you think of doing it?” Dad said.

“Like I said, Dad – I just wanted to try it. Being a girl, I mean.”

“Why?”

“According to Mr. Daimon, there really was no way back. So I wanted to see if… I could do it… If I could live with it.”

“And?”

“Well… It was okay…”

I saw their expressions and knew that they weren’t satisfied with my reply.

“What I mean is,” I explained, having trouble articulating it, “I don’t know. Yeah, today was pretty good, but it was just a little trial or experiment. So I walked around dressed like a girl for a while, and no one found me out. Not that big a deal, really. It doesn’t really tell if I can adjust to this for real… And it’s not just playing a role for a while, or anything like that – it’s about really being a girl… forever…”

“I understand, Val. I guess what I’m…”

“But one of the bigger things,” I interrupted, “the biggest thing I’m scared of right now… is if you guys aren’t okay with it.” I looked down at my pizza. “… I don’t know if I can go on if you guys…”

I suddenly found Ma’s arms around me. “Don’t say that, Val,” Ma whispered in my ear. “I told you, whatever happens, I’ll be there for you. I love you.”

I found myself sobbing. The phrase, “feeling someone’s love,” is true. In her voice and her hug, I could feel it. I looked up at her through my tears, and I saw her gentle smile. And right behind her was Dad, his hand on Ma’s shoulder.

“Your mom’s right,” Dad said. “Whatever happens, son. You’ll still be our Val.” He laughed. “I’m not sure if ‘son’ is still right. But you pick. Okay?”

We all laughed.

Dad reached down and tousled my hair. “Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out together.”

Ma let go and sat down, and we resumed our pizza dinner.

I’ve always liked pizza, and, for me, Chicago Deep Dish was the best pizza, but this particular one was the best of all. I don’t know why.

- - - - -

“Val,” Dad said, “before you and your mom got home, the vice-principal, Mr. Daimon called. He’s inviting us to a meeting tomorrow morning at his office at nine. Dr. Griffin will be there, too. They want to talk to the three of us and to answer any questions we might have.”

“Tomorrow, Dad?”

Dad shrugged and got another slice. “I guess they want us to make a decision right away. What do you think, Val?”

This is really taking the cover story to ridiculous levels.

“You don’t wanna go?” he asked. “You might have questions that…”

“I don’t think I have any questions left…”

He looked at me. “So you don’t want to go?”

I shrugged.

“Well, what if we just talk to them for an hour or so? And then we can leave if we don’t feel like staying?”

“Well, okay.”

“Good deal. Thanks, son.”

That made me smile tiredly. Dad had the grace to look chagrined a little bit at the word “son.”

I laughed a little. I put another slice on my plate and stood up, intending to bring it upstairs. I stood, kissed Dad on the top of his head, and asked if I could go upstairs. Ma nodded and I went.

“Guys?” I said and turned back to them.

“Yes, dear?” Ma said.

“I love you guys,” I said. And I went upstairs.

She

I put my plate on the banister, went to the bathroom for a quick wash of my hands and face, and then went back out, fully intending to take my slice of pizza to my room and watch YouTube when I heard them talking.

The talk was about me. I sat on the floor, leaned my back on the balustrade, and listened.

“Do you think he’s really okay?” Dad said.

“It looks like,” Ma replied.

“I don’t know if I can be as brave as he is. Finding out he’s a girl…”

“What’s wrong with being a girl?” I heard Ma’s smirk in her words.

“Nothing,” Dad said and they laughed.

“What do you think made him think of going to the mall and dressing up like that?” Dad asked.

“She’s always been like that,” Ma replied.

“What do you mean?”

“You know how she gets when she has an idea in her head. She won’t let it go until she’s done it.”

“Yeah,” Dad sighed. “That has put him in some sticky situations in the past… but you think that he did okay this time.”

“Yes, I think so. I think she did good. She has to face this head-on, so I think what she did was a good first step.”

“I wish he talked to us first.”

“If she did, do you think we’d have let her?”

“Probably not.”

“There you go.”

“… well, I think he looked great. A little bit like you at that age, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, except for…”

“Henry!” I then heard Ma’s giggle as well as a playful slap. I could imagine what Dad said or did, and I giggled, too.

“You really think she looked like me?” Ma asked.

“A little bit. You know, if and when this pushes through, I think he’ll be okay.”

Ma sighed. “You know, I wouldn’t mind a daughter…”

“What? You didn’t want a son?”

“No! I love Val! You know I do. I’m proud of him. I just wish… you know, from time to time, if I had a daughter, too. Just from time to time.”

“I suppose. What mother doesn’t?”

“Val is mine. Ours. And I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

“Me, too… But, Beth – he has a condition…”

“Yeah. We have to find a way to help her.”

“I think that Mr. Daimon has it well in hand…”

“I’m not leaving my baby to someone else’s care.”

“I understand.”

“But this ‘intersex’ thing - I don’t know much about it.”

“I don’t know much about it, too.”

“We’ve got to know what it’s about before the meeting tomorrow. So they won’t make the decisions for us.”

“What do we do, then?”

“Let me get my laptop, and let’s see what we can find about this intersex thing.”

“That sounds good. Oh! That reminds me – I need to get Val’s laptop. It’s in the car. I can return it to him. I’m sure he’ll want it back.”

“I’m sure she will. In the meantime, I’ll get mine: I think it’s in my car, too..”

After a brief pause, Dad cleared his throat. “Did you notice, by the way, Beth, that you’ve been calling Val a ‘she?’”

“I have?”

 

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