Synopsis:

A transfer student discovers his new high school's scholarship program and its unusual rules. Warning the Explicit Content rating is due a violent sexual assault scene. It is not erotic nor is it intended to be.

Note: This story was originally written and posted in 34 parts over two months in the spring of 2003. This version has been revised, edited, and had substantial additions to the 2003 version.

Story:

The Scholarship
By Julie O.

Part 1 of 3

Preface

When I first started writing this tale, I was hoping to write a simple short story. Obviously it grew into something much larger and more complex. I want to thank everyone who assisted in the writing and editing of this story. I would list all your names, but I'd be afraid that I'd leave someone out. Just let me say that I have appreciated all the advice and constructive criticism in regards to this story.

Thank you,
Julie O.

Chapter One

Hi, I really don't know how to start this. My friends and family recommend that I put this all down on paper, so I've put this together based on my journals and memories.

Please be patient with me.

I've decided to focus on my senior year at Central High School. It seems appropriate, as it was the year in which my entire life turned around. 2002 would become be a very monumental year for me.

At the time my name was Eric Alexander Walters, age 17. I was 5'-10" and weighed around 140 lbs.; yes, I was a stick, a stick with shoulder length light brown hair. Entering my senior year of high school I could be best described as a pretty good student, well liked, and a first-class runner; I was, to all appearances, a normal, average, teenage boy.

I can still remember when I registered at my new high school. Looking back, it started me on a path that I would have never thought possible.

Mom and I had just moved into this little town. We had been living in San Diego, but the job market forced us to relocate. Mom got a great job offer that was too good to pass up. She would now be in management, and the money was tremendous compared to what she'd earned before.

The problem was that we had to move to a town called Golden Hill, located in the middle of Pennsylvania. The computer program company that had hired my mom had selected it for their new headquarters, just because it was so "quaint." I had looked at the map and found that it was located perfectly, so that it was an equal distance away from anywhere interesting. There was a small liberal arts college nearby, but not much else. I tried to be upbeat and supportive, but it was difficult. I was about to enter my senior year in school, and now I would be the outsider.

Like I said, I tried to be supportive of the move, even though I dreaded it. My mom's happiness was important to me. She had raised me as a single mother. I never knew my father, and she never said much about him. Mom always was there for me, and I never felt like I was missing anything. The move, however, was hard for me to accept. I had hoped, up to the minute that the movers arrived, that a miracle would occur and we wouldn't have to leave San Diego.

I guess I should explain a few more things concerning the move. I mentioned earlier that I was an average student. Actually I was slightly better than average, but not good enough to get an academic scholarship. I was also a good athlete, but again, not spectacular enough to earn a scholarship. While we were never wanting, there was never any extra money to put away for college. Something always seemed to come up whenever we got a little bit ahead.

I desperately wanted to go to college. But considering our money situation, I had resigned myself to working part-time and attending community college. I had often dreamed of some miracle happening that would solve all our money problems.

Mom was very frustrated with her inability to help me. She really wanted to me make something with my life, which led to her taking the job in Golden Hill. That's what made the move even more frustrating for me. I was leaving my life behind, at the same time I knew that Mom was doing this for me. I also realized that she was also going to be experiencing a whole new life.

The drive itself excited me, giving me a chance to see the country. We crossed the landscape in a roundabout route, which gave us a chance to talk about the new job, new town, and new school. She told me that our new house was really nice. She had already rented a house in one of the newer developments.

Our neighbor, Terri Hawkins, was one of her future co-workers, and they had hit it off from the start. Terri was divorced and had a daughter my age named Caitlin. Terri sent us a lot of stuff on the town and the school. I had even traded a few e-mails with Cat, and she told me to call her. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, I thought.

Terri and Cat helped us get settled in our new home. In some magical way Cat and I instantly became friends. I guess I should tell a little about her. Cat was a little taller and at the time she kept her long brown hair in a ponytail. She was very athletic, but you wouldn't consider her a "tomboy." She loved dressing up and usually wore long skirts that seemed to flow down her long legs. And her personality! She had the same warped sense of humor that I have. I guess I fell in love with her the minute we met; however, it took me several months to tell her. Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, back to the story.

Our first night in town, we ate dinner with the Hawkins. Terri told us that I would need to register for high school and Cat volunteered to take me over there in the morning. Terri then asked my mom if I was going to enter the Senior Scholarship competition. Cat smiled at me and said that I definitely should, that it was worth competing for. I asked her if she was going to apply and both Cat and Terri laughed. Terri told me that it was only open to boys.

I was thinking about how they never would allow such a thing back in California, when my mom asked Terri about the contest. It turns out that the winner would get a fully paid four-year scholarship at the college of their choice; additionally, they would get a monthly stipend to pay for living expenses. It sounded too good to be true!

"So, what do I have to do to win this?" I asked, as I took a sip from my soda.

Terri looked at Cat and smiled. "Why don't you tell him, dear?"

"It is a simple competition that starts on the first day of school. It's a contest of elimination. You're in it until you either quit or violate a rule. The last one wins," explained Cat.

"The last one wins? By doing what?" I asked. I sensed that it was something difficult.

"You dress and act as a girl, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Everything from the tip of your head to your painted toenails," answered Cat. "I hope you enter. I know that, with my help, you'll win!"

"That's not exactly true, Eric. You won't just dress as a girl, you'll be treated as a girl too," added Terri.

I sat there unable to speak. I was hoping this was joke. I looked at Terri and could tell she was serious. Cat got up and brought back an application package and handed it to me. I opened it up and looked at the pamphlet. Sure enough, the rules required the competitors to dress completely as a female. Applicants were also to have a female name and take courses appropriate for their gender. Each applicant was encouraged to go out for extra-curricular activities, or to get a job, in their new gender.

"They have been doing this here for the past seventeen years. The woman who started it was married to the president of Dewey College. She had inherited a huge amount of money and decided that she would put it all into a scholarship program. She offered it as a way of teaching gender equality. It is now considered an honor to win it. When it first started, the competition only lasted three weeks. Last year, it ended just before the winter holiday break," explained Cat.

"What happens if the school year ends before someone wins?" asked Mom.

"Well, that hasn't happened yet, but the rules say that all those still in the competition would get a scholarship," noted Terri.

"Last year, there were nearly forty entries at the start, and there should be about the same this year," added Cat.

I was still reading the rules. During the contest, all competitors would be officially considered female, in all aspects of their lives. I showed this to Terri and Cat

"What exactly does this mean?" I asked, as I pointed to the paragraph in question.

"It means, among other things, that you would be fair game when it came to dating. No one would consider it immoral or gay when you dated, as long as you were dating a boy. Almost everyone around here just accepts the scholarship contestants as girls," explained Terri, "not just at school, but all over town."

"Everybody? I wouldn't consider it normal," I mumbled.

"It's considered part of the competition, Eric. First, you don't have to date. If you want to date, then it's cool. Second, it's just a date; you don't have to kiss or anything like that. Think of it as gaining a new view of world," continued Terri.

I nodded as I absorbed what she was saying.

"Come on, Erika, it would be so much fun. I would help you!" chided Cat, "Besides, I think that you'd look really cute."

I glared back at her for the "Erika" crack. I looked at my mom, and she was looking intently at the pamphlet with Terri.

I wasn't sure if she was serious or not. Part of me still thought this was a joke that was being played at my expense. But, if it was a joke, then it was pretty well played. The form looked very official.

"Well, at least think about it. They will explain it to you again tomorrow at school when you register," replied Cat.

When we got home, Mom asked me if I wanted to talk about the scholarship. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to give the impression that I didn't care one way or another. We sat down at the kitchen table.

She asked me what I thought about the idea. I looked at her and stated. "I don't want you to think I'm gay."

She smiled and reached over and hugged me. "Honey, doing this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. There are straight people who dress in the clothing of the opposite sex just as there are gays who don't. And I'll always love you, no matter what you do."

I sat there for a minute trying to think of something to say. It's funny, but even now I can still remember those same feelings of denial that I did back then.

"You know that this is a great opportunity for you," she continued. "I know how badly you want you want to go to college. You know that our finances aren't great; we had to move here because I couldn't afford to turn down the job. Sometimes, you have to do something you don't want to. And sometimes, it turns out for the best."

I thought about the sacrifices that she had made over the years for me. Would it really be that bad to dress as a girl for a few weeks? If I won then she wouldn't have to worry about paying for college. I also thought about Cat. She really seemed to want me to enter, and maybe this would allow me to get closer to her.

"Even with my new salary, it will very difficult to pay for college," explained Mom.

She didn't have to go into detail. The move had been expensive.

"I want to think about this before I make my decision," I replied softly.

"I also want you to know that I knew nothing about this scholarship contest," continued Mom.

I nodded again. I knew that she was telling me the truth, as she had never lied to me. There were things she wouldn't tell me, especially relating to my father, but she never lied to me.

Mom leaned over and gave me a kiss. "You know, Cat is right! You could make a very pretty girl!"

I laughed in spite of myself.

I had a very restless night. I tossed and turned, thinking about my life, the scholarship, and what I would have to do to win it.

Chapter Two

At breakfast Mom asked me if I had made up my mind. "Honey, any decision you make, I will fully support you."

"Thanks, Mom." I paused for a second. "You'll have to promise not to laugh at me when I'm in a dress."

She smiled. "Just remember, I'll be laughing with you and not at you!"

Mom gave me a hug and told me she would be there for me. She then looked at her watch and told me that we could talk more at dinner. "I really appreciate you doing this, dear!"

"I know how much you've sacrificed for me and I want you to know that I'm not ungrateful," I said.

"I know that, honey," she replied.

"Still, this contest is going to be expensive, can we afford it?" I asked.

"I think so. I look at the costs as an investment," stated Mom. She then glanced again at her watch. "Well, I need to get going. Don't want to be late my first day at work."

As I watched her drive away, I saw Cat walking towards our home. She came up to the screen door and called in. "Good Morning!"

"Hi, Cat! Door's unlocked, come on in. You want some orange juice?" I asked.

"Sounds good," she replied, as she sat down at the table.

"What time do we need to be at the school?" I poured a glass of juice, and handed it to her.

"We should leave soon. It will take a couple of hours to complete the check-in process," she explained, "longer, if you decide to go for the scholarship."

I looked at her and she was smiling at me.

"Well? Are going to do it?" she asked. "Come on, it'll fun!"

"I'll do it. I figure that it's the least I can do for my mom," I answered.

Cat leaned over and gave me huge hug, "Oh, Erika, we're going to have so much fun winning this!"

"So, when do I have to start dressing like a girl?" I asked.

"First off, you won't be just dressing as a girl; remember you'll be living as a girl, at least until the last competitor drops out," she explained. "School starts in two weeks. Officially, you don't have to change until then, but many of those who are entering have already started, so that they are more used to doing their makeup and hair."

"Oh, I forgot about all that. I guess it would make sense," I remarked. The full impact of what I was about to do began to sink in.

"Don't worry, Erika, between our moms and I, we'll whip you into shape in no time! You might not want to change back!" exclaimed Cat enthusiastically.

I picked up a dishtowel and threw it at her.

As we walked to the school, Cat went over a list of everything we had to do. She used her cell phone to make an appointment at her hair stylist.

"You're in luck, Erika, they can get you in this afternoon. Fortunately, your hair is long so you won't be stuck wearing a wig," she stated, as she ran her hand through my hair. "Wow, you have really nice hair. I'm glad to see that you've taken care of it."

"This afternoon?" I moaned. I was hoping to delay the inevitable.

"Hey, you might as well start today. Besides, it's rare to get an appointment with them at such short notice. There aren't that many good salons in town," she explained. "This isn't California."

I ignored the easy cheap shot reply.

Cat continued with her list. She told me that, once I registered for the scholarship, they would give me a discount card. This could be used at most stores in the area and it would save me lots of money when buying my new wardrobe. I really wondered what I getting into. It was like I had entered a river and the current had grabbed me. I no longer was in control of my destiny.

We arrived at the school and went into the main office where I was given a stack of forms to fill out. A secretary confirmed that my transcripts had been received and everything looked good.

As I worked on the forms, Cat excused herself and left. Twenty minutes later, she returned and introduced me to one of the counselors, a Ms. Bell. She looked like to be in her mid-thirties and was very attractive with short brown hair, blue eyes, and a very nice smile. I liked her immediately.

She greeted me in a friendly manner. "Well, Erika, it's a pleasure to meet you. Cat has told me that you are going to try for the scholarship. I think you have an excellent chance of winning."

I started to blush. "Thank you, Ms. Bell. I'm sorry, I'm just not used to being called Erika yet."

She smiled at me. "It'll take a little time, but you'll adjust. I can always spot the ones who have a real shot at winning."

"How many are in this year's contest, Ms. B?" asked Cat.

"With your friend Erika, that brings the total up to forty-two, our biggest class ever!" she stated. "But don't worry, half will be out before the end of the first week of school. When they get finished with you up here, come by my office and we'll get you registered."

"Thanks, Ms. Bell," I replied.

Ms. Bell and Cat walked back to her office

I went back to filling out the paperwork. There were several forms that I had to read and sign. One was for computer use and privacy. Then there was a human rights statement that stated the punishment for various forms of harassment and bullying. I noticed that gender, or perceived gender, was specifically protected. Reading that made me feel a little better.

Cat returned as I was finishing the last form. "What do you think about Ms. B?"

"I like her; she seems pretty cool," I replied, looking up from my stack of paperwork.

Cat nodded in agreement. "She is. She's the perfect person to run the competition!"

We walked down to Ms. Bell's office. She had another set of forms for me to fill out and sign. Additionally, she gave a rulebook. It contained the entire dos, don'ts, and requirements for the competition. She told me that each year the book was revised to include any loopholes and to account for changes in fashion, as well as for any problems that had arisen in the previous year. I was told to read it completely. She told me that many people got disqualified for not knowing the rules, and that ignorance of the rules was no excuse.

She told me to take my application up to the front office and that she'd be back there in a few minutes.

"They really cover everything in this book," I commented "There're sections on grooming, dressing, makeup, behavior, and even dating. You're right, Cat. I just don't think that I can go on a date with a guy."

Cat smiled. "Hey, look at it as a chance to see life from a different angle."

I ignored Cat and read more about the rules. The only person I wanted to date was sitting next to me, and she wanted to see me in a skirt! I found that I could be inspected at anytime during the school day for clothing violations. They even checked underwear. I then read something that made me shake my head in disbelief.

"They can't be serious!" I exclaimed, showing the passage to Cat.

"They want you to experience life as a girl and that is something we have to deal with," answered Cat with a smile. "Be thankful they don't make you use a tampon."

The passage stated that for three days a month I would have to wear sanitary pads.

"So, would they inspect to see if I was wearing one?" I asked Cat.

Ms. B walked back in and spoke. "Yes, that's right, Erika, and each time we do that we disqualify several contestants."

She handed me a piece of paper. It was my new class schedule. Most of my classes were pretty standard. She has put me in the same homeroom as Cat. I then saw that I was enrolled in Home Economics.

Ms. B must have been reading my mind, "Don't worry too much about Home Econ. It may seem a bit sexist, but the district still requires it. The alternative was to put you in the Child Development class."

"I'll stick with Home Economics, thank you," I replied.

"Now, if the competition goes into the second semester, you'll have to take another elective. But hopefully we'll have a winner by then," she explained. "For PE, you and the other 'scholarship girls' will be in the regular girls class. You'll have a different locker room, of course."

Before we left her office, she handed me my temporary school ID and my discount card. Both had my new name of Erika Walters printed on them. I stared at them with a sense of disbelief. Was this really happening?

The rest of the morning was spent getting a tour of the school. It was much smaller than my old school, but it seemed okay. There were two bathrooms that were designated for use by the "scholarship girls." It was one of the few restrictions that separated us from the regular girls. The last thing we did was to stop by the textbook room to pick up my books.

It seemed weird signing my name as Erika Walters.

Chapter Three

We dropped the books off at my house. Cat said she would treat me to lunch downtown but she had to pick something up at her house first. I waited out front and she came out with a gym bag. I didn't ask, but I figured that it contained my wardrobe for after I had my hair styled.

We ate in a small restaurant near the salon. I had many questions and Cat was very willing to answer them.

"I know that I'll be safe in school, but what about the kids who don't go to our school. They have to know all about the competition," I asked as I took a bite of my salad. Cat felt that I needed to lose a few pounds.

"Don't worry. The guys at our school take a special pride in protecting the scholarship girls. Initially, they were forced to do it," reassured Cat.

"How? Were they forced?" I asked with a smirk.

"Sort of. They were told that, if they wanted dates, they'd better ensure that the girls in the competition weren't harmed," she explained. "But now they do it without the blackmail. In my freshman year, a couple of 'girls' got beat up by a group of guys from Red Hill High. Then it got pretty nasty. Almost our entire football team went up there and pounded them. That put an end to that."

I just shook my head. "It's kind of funny, but everyone seems to think that California is so weird; you guys have them beat by a long shot."

For the rest of lunch Cat asked all kind of questions about California. We joked about driving out there after graduation. She looked at her watch and told me it was almost time.

The salon staff was waiting for us. They did their best to make me feel at ease. I was told that they had helped many make the transformation before me.

Cat told them to give me the works. They asked for my discount card. I was tempted to ask if any boy not in the competition every tried to get a discount on leg waxing, but I decided not to.

They had me go into a dressing room and strip down and put on a robe. This was for my comfort and also made their job easier

Waxing my legs came first. I didn't have a lot of hair on my legs, but it had to go. The woman doing the treatment explained to me how much better waxing was than shaving or hair removal creams. The hair that grew back would be softer and less coarse than if I shaved. The process actually sounded worse than it felt. I was amazed at how soft my legs felt after the waxing. I couldn't keep from touching them, they felt so sensitive. She examined my back, chest, and arms and saw that I was almost hairless. The only areas I'd have to shave would be my underarms and face.

She asked me how often I shaved my beard. I hold her once every week, sometimes longer. She smiled and said that I'd appreciate that in the coming weeks. She gave me a moisturizer that she said would slow down my beard growth even more.

Next came my hair. My natural color was basic brown. Karen, the stylist, decided to lighten it a bit. She was pleased with the length of my hair; it gave her a lot of options.

The smell from the dye was pretty bad, and it had to stay on my head for thirty minutes. While I was sitting there, the manicurist came in and started on my nails. Luckily, she decided to keep them short. She said that I would need time to adjust before going for long ones. She worked on my cuticles and cleaned up the ends. She selected a light pink for the color. With flawless timing she finished just as my hair was due to be rinsed.

As my hair was cut and styled, I just sat there soaking it all in. The manicurist returned to give me a pedicure. Before today, the longest I had been in a barbershop was twenty minutes. I was kind of getting into the whole "being pampered" mode. Karen also waxed and shaped my eyebrows, making them much more feminine.

Karen wouldn't let me see the final style just yet. She wanted to do my makeup first. As she worked, she explained what she was doing and why. She told me not to worry, as I could always come back and get a refresher course. Karen went on to tell me that the salon loved getting girls like me there.

When she finished, she stepped back and took a look. She asked me if I wanted my ears pierced. I figured why not, considering everything else that had happened in the past 24 hours. In a few short minutes, I had a gold stud in each ear.

Karen then turned me around to see myself. I was shocked when I looked in the mirror. I saw a really pretty girl looking back at me. She had light reddish brown hair in a short feminine style.

"I love the look on their face when they first see themselves!" exclaimed Karen. "Now hold still, Erika, I need to take a photo."

I wasn't going anywhere. I was mesmerized by my feminine image. Maybe I could pull this off. I saw Cat walk in behind me and she too was blown away by my appearance.

"Wow, Erika, you're beautiful!" she exclaimed. "Come on, I'll help you get dressed. We've got some shopping to do!"

She had laid out an outfit for me, consisting of a bra, panties, short denim skirt, sleeveless green t-shirt, and sandals. She also put a silver chain around my neck and a silver ring on my right hand. As I got dressed, she handed me a box. Inside were two silicone breast forms.

"Just slip them in your bra," she explained. "They're B cups. If you decide to continue running or get into any other sport, you won't want anything bigger."

It was strange hearing Cat, or anyone for that matter, refer to MY bra!

"When did you get this outfit for me? We're not the same size," I asked.

"I had a hunch that I could talk you into the participating in the competition. I guessed your sizes from the photos you sent me," explained Cat.

When I stepped out of the dressing room, I felt a little silly. I was shocked to see the entire staff of the salon waiting for me. They all applauded me as I walked out. I felt my face getting warm. They had me pose for a few more shots. On the way out, I noticed a board above the receptionist. It had the photos of other teenage girls. It was their gallery of the past eight years of helping boys becomes girls. I noticed that three of the photos were marked with a gold star. They said that these were past winners of the scholarship. I felt strangely honored as they put my photo on the board. Before we left, they handed me a bag of makeup, moisturizers, shampoo, and conditioner. They said that it was their gift to a new client.

"Come on, girlfriend, we've got some shopping to do!" said Cat, as she led me out of the salon. "By the way, you look pretty cute when you blush!"

Chapter Four

I was stunned by the amount of stuff I had to buy. I don't know what I would have done without Cat's help. She knew all the best places to shop and was determined to make sure I had everything I needed. We ended up at Target, with Cat handing me one outfit after another.

I still was getting used to seeing myself after our visit to the local salon. I actually looked pretty good as a girl, but it still felt strange. I looked at my new hairstyle and color and wondered what my friends back in San Diego would say; well, maybe I didn't want to know that! I also found that having smooth legs took a bit of getting used to! I think the strangest aspect was that everyone I had come in contact with was totally accepting. The saleswomen in the stores we had stopped in earlier couldn't wait to help me.

As I was trying on another skirt, I thought about everything that we had bought that afternoon. First there was the makeup. I think that that was the most intimidating thing that I needed to learn. Cat promised me that in two or three weeks I would be an expert, but I thought she was optimistic. We also picked up soap, deodorant, and some other toiletries.

Then we made a stop at the shoe store. Luckily, I have small feet, so getting shoes wasn't a problem. I was amazed at how many pairs of shoes Cat said that I would need. I was used to wearing sandals in the summer and sneakers in the winter. I now had to worry about coordinating the shoes with the clothes. I ended up getting twelve pairs of shoes. Cat said that this would be a good start.

We stopped at several clothing stores. The first stop was a bit embarrassing, as we had to get my underwear. I never realized that buying a bra was so complicated. The woman in the store measured me and told me that a poorly fitted bra would feel very uncomfortable by the end of the day. I ended up getting six regular bras and two sports bras for PE. She said that I could always come back if I needed more. She also provided me with another pair of silicone breast pads. She said it was their gift to all contestants. Cat then helped me pick out several pairs of panties, pantyhose, and tights. The last items we bought were the most important. I had to buy several gaffs. They were like really tight thongs and were used to hide my male organs. They weren't very comfortable, but the saleswoman told me that I would get used to them.

Then there were the accessories. I was beginning to have a greater understanding and appreciation of what women had to go through. I needed a purse, wallet, jewelry, belts, a watch, and countless other things. Luckily I was getting a discount for all the stuff I was buying.

"You know, Cat, even if I win this competition I may be losing money" I quipped. "I can't believe all the stuff we have bought today!"

She popped her head in the dressing room. "Don't forget that in a few weeks you'll need a whole new wardrobe," she smiled. "Turn around, I want to see the back."

I turned around to show her the back of the skirt. "Why will I need a new wardrobe?"

"In case you've forgotten, you're not in sunny California anymore. We get all four seasons here and that means lots of clothes. The skirt looks good. You change and I'll meet you at the checkout," replied Cat.

She was right. I had totally forgotten about the change in seasons. I felt pretty stupid. I pulled my skirt up, grabbed the remaining clothes, and headed to the checkout. As I walked over to Cat, I noticed she was talking to another girl.

Cat introduced me to the pretty blonde. "Erika, come here, I want you to meet someone. Kristen, this is Erika."

"Hi, Erika. I think it's so cool that you are in the competition," Kristen stated.

"It's nice to meet you, too," I replied. I still felt shy and self- conscious about my new appearance.

"Cat told me you're from California. That's so cool. I've always wanted to go there. Actually, I want to go anywhere! You'll have to tell me all about it sometime," Kristen replied.

I nodded. "Sure, anytime."

"Great! Well, I'll see you two around. I have to get to practice. Bye!" she stated.

We watched her walk away. Cat turned to me and smiled. "Kristen is the head cheerleader. But don't hold that against her, she's pretty normal!"

"I can't get over how accepting everyone is about the way I'm dressed," I stated, almost in a state of disbelief.

"Well, we've known about the competition our whole lives. It's just something that has always been there. Now, I guess that we'd better go back to your house. I'll help you set up your room," explained Cat.

Chapter Five

We got back to my house around 5:00. Cat wanted to set up my bathroom as her first priority. Fortunately, my bedroom came with its own bathroom, so at least I had some privacy. Cat told me that she would come over early and help me with my makeup, but that I should practice on my own. She was showing me some tricks when I heard my Mom come in.

"Erika, I'm home. Are you up in your room?" yelled Mom.

"Yes, Mom, I'll be right down," I replied nervously. I sat down on my bed and stared at myself in the mirror. I was trembling slightly.

"You okay? You look worried," asked Cat, as she sat down next to me.

"I'm so nervous! I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. This all seems so strange," I replied.

"Come on, this won't exactly be a shock; you did tell her that you were entering the competition," she continued.

"Yes, I did. But I didn't know that I would be looking like this today," I answered.

Cat nodded. "Well, unless you plan on staying up here for the next two weeks, you might as well let her see you now. Besides, you look great, Erika!"

"Here goes nothing," I mumbled softly.

We walked downstairs and found her in the kitchen. "Hi, Mom."

She turned around and stood there in silence. A huge smile slowly formed on her face. "Oh, Honey! You look lovely. I just didn't expect you to change so quickly. But I must admit that you look great. Cat, I assume that you helped her. Thank you, so much."

I noticed that Mom was using female pronouns while referring to me.

"Thanks, Ms. Walters. I enjoyed helping her," answered Cat.

"Well, I was going to cook dinner, but I think that this calls for a little celebration. Cat, would you go ask your Mom to join us?" asked Mom.

"Sure, I'm sure that she's anxious to meet Erika. I'll be right back," announced Cat, as she walked out the front door.

Mom walked over to me and gave me a big hug, "I know that you are making a huge sacrifice, and I really appreciate what you are doing. Now, go grab your purse and we'll meet Terri and Cat outside."

That was something I'd never thought Mom would tell me! It felt a bit strange as I grabbed MY purse. We walked over to Cat's house together. I still found it odd walking in a skirt. Luckily, I was in sandals, so I didn't have to deal with heels too. As we waited for Terri and Cat, I felt a bit edgy. Maybe because I was afraid of being ridiculed. I wasn't exactly sure.

"Oh, my! Cat, you were right. Erika, you look fantastic!" exclaimed Terri loudly.

I was sure that the whole neighborhood heard her. "Thank you," I replied in a soft voice.

"I see that you're still a bit shy. Well, that will wear off as you get used to your new appearance," answered Terri as she gave me a hug.

We went to a local pizza place called Guido's. I was positive that everyone was staring at me. I was getting second, or was it third, doubts about doing this. However, after a few minutes I loosened up a bit. I began to accept, however slightly, that this was going to be my life for the new few months. Maybe this year's group of contestants would all wimp out and I could go back to being Eric again.

As we finished eating, I noticed a group of boys walk in. They were all wearing Central High Football t-shirts. I was hoping they wouldn't notice us. Unfortunately, I saw one get up from their table and walk over towards us. He was tall, muscular, and had short brown hair.

"Hey, Cat, did you have a good summer?" greeted the tall boy.

"Hi, Alex. I sure did, too bad it's almost over," replied Cat.

"Hello, Alex," said Terri.

"Oh, hi Aunt Terri, I didn't mean to be rude," he apologized.

"Alex, these are our new neighbors, this is Ms. Walters her daughter Erika," introduced Cat. "Alex is our star quarterback!"

He looked and me and smiled. "I'm pleased to meet both of you. So, you just moved here? Cool! So where did you live before moving to Golden Hill?"

"We lived in San Diego, my mom got a job at the computer company," I replied, hoping my voice didn't sound too masculine.

"Erika is going to be in our class this year," announced Cat.

"That's cool. Before you leave, why don't you stop over at our table and I'll introduce you the guys?" he offered

"That's a great idea, Alex, thanks," replied Cat, before I had a chance to answer.

He walked back to his table. "He's a good kid," added Terri.

Cat told us that Alex was the son of Terri's sister. She said that, even though he was the same age, she always thought of him as her older brother and that he was very protective of her. I told her she was lucky. I was also a bit relived that they were related. I knew that, even before I started wearing a skirt, I couldn't compete with Alex.

Cat took me over to meet Alex's teammates. I had hoped she'd forgotten. The last thing I wanted to do was to meet six football players while I was dressed like a girl. But Cat insisted.

"Everything will be cool, I promise!" she whispered to me. "Wait, before we go over there you need to reapply your lipstick."

I nodded and reached into my purse for my compact and lipstick. I nervously reapplied my lipstick, under the critical eyes of Mom, Terri, and Cat.

Cat nodded her approval and took me by the hand. "Good job! Now, let me introduce you to the guys."

Cat was right; the guys were all friendly and treated me like I was a new girl on campus. I wasn't sure, but I thought that a couple of them were checking me out. That was another new experience.

On the drive home, Cat told me that I had made some very good connections today. Between Kristen and Alex, I had met two of the upper echelon of the school, and they could have a huge impact on how others accepted me.

The next two weeks flew by. It was pretty much a blur. Cat, Terri, and Mom put me through a crash course on how to be a girl. They were very strict and critical on all aspects of my life. To put it bluntly, they made my every waking hour a living hell. I got a little short tempered at times, but I knew that they were doing this for my own good. The good thing about my lessons was that it took my mind off the first day of school.

I gradually got better with my makeup. I was very pleased with myself when I passed their inspection for the first time.

The only time that I dressed as Eric was when I went to the DMV to get my Pennsylvania driver's license. I wore a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and sandals. Cat used some hair gel to make my hairstyle look somewhat masculine. I also took out my earrings. Even with my hair slicked down, I still looked like a girl in my license photo.

While I was far from feeling completely comfortable, I was becoming more used to my new identity. Actually that wasn't a true statement, I was starting to feel comfortable with my ability to pass as Erika. I shrugged this off, and tried to convince myself that the reason I felt this way was because I was new in the area. I knew I could never have done something like this at my old school.

Mom invited Cat and Terri over for dinner on the night before school started. I had always helped my mom in the kitchen, but now she had me do more than just prepare the salad or wash the dishes. She began to teach me how to cook; she told me this would make going to Home Econ easier. I had a feeling that she was just enjoying the fact that she now had a daughter instead of a son.

During dinner, Cat told me that I would have to check in with Ms. B first thing tomorrow morning. Then we'd go to homeroom and then there would be an assembly to start the school year.

"Erika, I know you are nervous, but you'll do fine. Just try to relax," reassured Cat.

"Isn't that the same speech that they gave the Christians before they sent them out to the lions?" I answered with a smile.

"Once you get through the first day, the rest will be much easier," added Terri.

Chapter Six

I barely slept that night. I watched the minutes tick by on my clock. It was bad enough that I was the new kid in a strange school. But the added "difficulty points" of being Erika made it even more stressful.

I woke up to the sound of Mom's voice. "Honey, you need to get up, today's a big day."

I got up and showered. I dried and styled my hair. I appreciated the style that the salon had given me. It really made it easier to get ready in the morning. I nervously did my makeup. Thanks to Cat, I was better than average.

I checked out my outfit for the first day of school. One of the restrictions of the contest was that I could only wear pants to school once a week. That was subject to change, once it got cold. Being it was still summer, the chances of a blizzard that day seemed highly unlikely! I selected a green skirt and a floral top. I was going to wear sandals as much as I could, although I knew that I would eventually be forced into heels.

Cat had told me that to weed down the number of contestants they would issue short notice challenges. She told me that last year they'd required them to wear high heels for a week straight as well as making them volunteer for a charity fashion show as models. I was to keep my focus on the goal of winning the scholarship and not to sweat the small things.

Mom seemed to approve of my wardrobe choice and helped me with my jewelry. I was still wearing stud earrings since it would be a few weeks until I could wear anything else. I had decided I liked silver jewelry. I'd acquired a few silver rings, and had been wearing them in several combinations. That morning Mom gave me a small package. Inside was a silver chain with a silver dolphin and a matching ring. She helped put it around my neck and I felt warm and happy. It made me feel so much more at ease knowing how much she cared about me.

"You did a good job with your makeup this morning, dear. Just remember to check your lipstick after you eat," reminded Mom.

"Thanks, Mom. I bet you'd never thought you tell me that!" I quipped.

Unfortunately, the closer I got to school, the more my apprehension grew. If Cat hadn't been there, I never would have gone. Several times I was tempted to run back home.

I arrived at Ms. Bell's office and had to wait in line. There were four other "girls" ahead of me. Two looked like boys in dresses, and one hadn't even shaved his legs. They were wearing really cheesy wigs, huge breasts pads, and heavy makeup. I knew that they wouldn't be any competition. The other two looked passable. I had to admit that I looked the best. There was one really tall girl with black hair. She gave me a dirty look as she walked by. I shrugged it off.

The line moved pretty quickly. Ms. Bell was doing an initial inspection and she was being very strict. The two who looked like they were going to a Halloween party were told to go home and change. By the time I was next, there were seven others waiting behind me. I talked to the girl behind me and we instantly became friends. She was calling herself Caroline and, like me, she had entered because it was her only way to afford college. Caroline was a little taller than me and had curly red hair. Caroline's real name was Kevin, and she told me that her dad wasn't all that happy with her entering. We talked until it was my turn to go in.

Ms. Bell was very pleased with my appearance. "Excellent job, Erika! Now I need you to report in once every week. If you need to see me or if you have any problems, you can stop by and make an appointment"

"Thank you, Ms. B, I appreciate it," I answered.

"Erika, I'm a bit concerned about you being in the competition. All the other contestants have been in this school for at least a year. You, on the other hand, are coming here and jumping right into the contest. It may make your adjustment more difficult. So don't hesitate to come in for help, okay?" offered Ms. B.

"I will, Ms. B, thanks again for your concern." I then left and went to my classroom. As I walked out of the office, I noticed that the line to check in was even longer.

I arrived at my homeroom and found that Cat had saved a seat for me. My homeroom teacher was Mr. Grant. He was a math teacher and had actually been a student at Central High ten years earlier. He seemed okay.

"So, how did it go down there?" asked Cat.

"So far, so good. Ms. B already disqualified two guys." I replied. I told her how they were dressed.

"There are always a couple who enter as a goof," explained Cat.

I went on to tell her about Caroline. Cat told me that she had known Caroline since the third grade. Caroline's father was a big time college jock and didn't like the idea of his son dressing as a girl. Cat said that she fully understood why Caroline wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

"He had always figured that Caroline would get an athletic scholarship, but she's more interested in art," she explained. "She could use a friend like you!"

Then the bell rang. Mr. Grant took roll and passed around a seating chart. We had homeroom everyday for 30 minutes; it was a time to take care of administrative needs and it also served as a study hall. Mr. Grant allowed us to socialize as long as we didn't get too loud. I was the only contestant in the class and I was also the only new student. Mr. Grant asked me to introduce myself. Earlier, Cat had told me that there was no need to mention the scholarship. Everyone would know who the contestants were eventually.

I stood up and addressed the class. "Hi, I'm Erika Walters. I just moved here this summer from San Diego, California. This'll be the first winter I've seen snow. We moved here because my mom got hired at the software company. I'll be happy to answer any questions you have."

I was the temporary center of attention as I answered questions. Everyone seemed pretty cool. Then the announcement was made for all students to head to the assembly in the auditorium.

The assembly was the standard "welcome back" pep talk. The upcoming football season was touted as a potential championship season. The cheerleaders were introduced. I watched as Kristen led them out and into their routine. Then, a short Asian woman in a navy blazer and matching skirt walked up to the mike. She was the principal and her name was Mrs. Lee. Cat whispered that she was nice, as long was you didn't break any rules.

"Never, ever, underestimate her! Mrs. Lee may be short, but doesn't take crap from anyone," whispered Cat.

She talked about grades, discipline, etc. It was only when she got to the end of her speech that it directly affected me.

"This marks the 18th year of the Senior Scholarship Competition. Due to some late changes and entries, we have forty-six students competing for the prize. This is our largest group ever," she announced. "I would like all contestants to please stand up, and I would like the rest of you to show them your support."

I almost died. The last thing I wanted to do was stand up in front of the school and wave and say "look at me!" However, I had no choice as I saw the others start to stand up. Plus, Cat elbowed me in the ribs. I slowly got to my feet. The whole audience was clapping. I felt a little silly.

When I sat down, I heard a boy behind me say, "There's no way she's a guy."

I felt my face turning red again.

"You're blushing, how cute," whispered Cat, kidding me.

My classes went by pretty quickly. Being the new kid meant trying to remember everyone's name, which wasn't one of my strong points. My morning schedule was English, Civics, Ecology, and Calculus. Cat was in my first two classes. Luckily, Kristen was in my Ecology class and Alex was in Calculus with me. Having at least one friendly face made it a bit easier. I was pulled out of class for a few minutes during second period. They had to take my photo for my ID card. I was now Erika Walters, high school senior.

At lunch, I scanned the cafeteria for Cat. I saw her waving me over to a table. I walked over and sat down. There were six other girls at the table, who were introduced by Cat.

The only one that I initially remembered was Laura Adams, a stunningly beautiful brunette with short hair. I found out that she was also the class president. We seemed to hit it off immediately. She asked me if I was coming to the football game tomorrow night. I hadn't really thought about it, but when I saw Cat nodding yes, I said that I would.

"We have a cool tradition here. The senior section is called 'The Pit'. We never sit during the game and we never, ever allow non- seniors in. It's kind of the party before the after-game party," explained Laura.

"Sounds like fun," I replied.

The rest of the girls asked me about California and what my old school was like. As I told them, I wondered what my friends would think if they could see me now. I would have loved to tell them that I was sitting with some of the most popular girls on campus. However, explaining that I was in a skirt would be more difficult.

My afternoon classes were all electives. Photography was right after lunch. Then I had PE on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Home Econ was on Tuesday and Thursday.

I had noticed several of the other contestants in my classes, but I hadn't been able to talk to them. I was pleased to see Caroline in my photography class. We talked about the stress of the first day.

"So far it hasn't been too bad. I've gotten a lot of kidding from some friends, but they went easy on me. How about you?" she asked.

"My day has been really smooth. I haven't been goofed on once. Actually, that's making me a bit nervous," I answered.

"I bet that a lot of them don't even know you're a boy. I mean, they've never even seen Eric. In some ways, that will make it a lot easier for you," she explained.

"I never really thought about that," I replied.

"You just need to be careful if you start dating. You'd better make sure they know that you're really a boy!" quipped Caroline.

"Do you plan on dating?" I asked her.

"I don't know. It depends on how long this contest lasts. It is also expected that we go out on a few dates. It's part of the tradition, and we're expected to be good sports," she explained. "Besides, it really doesn't matter. Next year, I plan on being as far from here as possible! So what about you?"

"I just want to get through this. I guess if it is expected of us, then I'll do it. But I'm not really looking forward to it," I replied.

"I'm sure you'd rather go out with Cat," she smiled

I smiled back. "Is it that obvious?"

Caroline just nodded. I felt a strong friendship growing between us.

My last class was Home Economics. I had kind of expected to see a lot of the other contestants in the class, but there were only four others. I'd noticed throughout the school day that many of the other contestants were wearing wigs and their makeup was a lot heavier than the real girls. I secretly thanked Cat for the hell she had put me through before school started. I had only seen a few contestants that looked like they were in for the long haul. As much as I liked Caroline, I knew that she was a rival - a friendly one but still a rival. She was desperate to win the scholarship so she could escape from her family. I felt sorry for her, but not enough to lose the contest.

I was a bit relieved to learn that the class had a much bigger emphasis on cooking than sewing. Ms. Roberts, the teacher told us that she'd wanted to turn the class into an advanced cooking class, but the school board wouldn't let her. So, there was still a sewing requirement.

"Since we might as well get it all out of the way. I am giving you your final sewing exam today. Now take out a piece of paper and number it one to ten. Now I will hold up an item and you must correctly identify it. Here is object number one," stated Mrs. Roberts, holding up a needle.

We broke out laughing and proceeded to take the test. I'm pleased to say that I aced the exam, although the pinking shears question was a bit tricky.

Cat had told me to meet her outside the main office. I noticed a large group of students crowded around a display case. Cat was there and she waved me over. Inside the case was a photo of each contestant, including me.

"They update this display every time someone drops out or is disqualified," explained Cat, she then pointed to a large number - forty-one.

"That is the present count of contestants, five have already dropped out," added Kristen. "By the way, Erika, you are one of the favorites to win. I've got my money on you."

"You mean that you can bet on who you will think will win?" I asked.

"Oh, sure, it's all unofficial, but everyone is in the pool. Even some of the teachers have entered it. However, you are not allowed to bet, that would be dishonest!" quipped Cat.

"Don't worry, I won't throw the race," I replied with a laugh.

As we walked back home, Cat asked me how I was doing.

"It's been slightly overwhelming," I answered truthfully.

I then told her about my day. She agreed that Caroline wouldn't quit early. I told her what Caroline had said about me, and that some people might be confused about my real gender.

Cat nodded. "That might be a problem, but I will tell you that there might be a bigger problem. There is a rumor starting that you are a ringer and that you really are a girl."

"So what should I do, flash everyone at lunch tomorrow?" I joked.

"I wouldn't recommend that, it would get you kicked out of the competition and suspended. I wouldn't worry too much about it for now," reassured Cat.

Chapter Seven

The second day of school came and went without incident, until my last class of the day. The only difference in my schedule was PE class instead of Home Econ. I changed in to my workout clothes in our separate locker room. My class had twelve other contestants. I noticed that some were watching me as I changed. Maybe they believed the rumors that I was really a girl. I was tempted to flash them, but I was wearing a gaff and that pretty much made it impossible.

I began to wonder if I was doing this too well!

We joined the rest of the girls for class. It wasn't too bad. The biggest thing to get used to was running. Even with a sports bra on, I was always aware of my boobs. It would take some time to get used to the sensation.

The PE coach held me after class. Her name was Coach Chambers, and she was also the coach for several of the teams. She asked me if I was interested in going out for the cross-country team, as they still had some openings. I told her that I would think about it. I felt it was a little unfair to compete against girls. I had been on the cross- country team at my old school. She smiled and said that the girls on her team could outrun most boys in the area. I told her I would let her know on Monday.

By the time I got back to the locker room to shower and change, everyone else was gone. There was a note on my locker. It read "We Know Your SECRET! Drop Out! You Cheating Bitch!"

I read it several times before deciding what to do. I changed and took the note to Ms. Bell's office. I was really pissed off and the longer I waited the angrier I became. She opened her door and seemed surprised to see me there.

"Well, that didn't take long. I just called the coach's office to send you over here," she explained. "We have a problem that we need to address."

I handed her the note. "I think I know what it is."

She read it and then placed it on her desk. "Please sit down, Erika. You're right. These are related problems. Every few years we get someone like you that people think is really a girl. I have received several phone calls this afternoon from some angry parents. They want proof that you are really a male."

"What do I have to do? Do they all want to look at my dick?" I angrily replied.

She held back a smile. "That won't be necessary. But I can understand your anger. I believe you, and we need to shut this rumor down right now. I have arranged for you to get a complete physical tomorrow morning. The doctor will, of course, confirm that you a male, and we will present this to the parents and the other contestants Monday afternoon after school. I have already contacted your mom, and she will be there. Now, what do you want to do about this note? If it was up to me, I would disqualify every one of them."

"I guess nothing for now. This should be a moot point after the meeting," I replied.

"You are more understanding than I would be. I'll show this to Mrs. Lee and let her decide. There have been similar notes left for other contestants, and they look like they were written by the same person," she explained. "Don't worry, Erika."

I tried to believe her, but something told me that this was going to get worse before it got better. She gave me the info on my appointment in the morning.

Cat walked home with me and I told her what had happened. "I guess you did too good a job!"

"Do you still want to go to the game tonight?" she asked.

"Absolutely. One of my teachers back in San Diego had a sign on his desk that said 'Illegitimi Non Carborundum'. Roughly translated from Latin, it means 'Don't let the bastards get you down'," I explained.

"Cool, I'll have to remember that one. Do you know what this one means? 'Stultus est sicut stultus facit'," asked Cat.

"I have no idea," I answered, stunned that Cat knew Latin phrases.

"It's from a movie, did you ever see Forrest Gump? It means 'Stupid is as stupid does.' I looked it up the internet," laughed Cat.

I laughed too. "I appreciate you trying to cheer me up."

"Hey, no problem, girlfriend," replied Cat.

Chapter Eight

The game started at 7:00 and Cat said that we should leave by 6:00. Laura was driving to the game and she was stopping to give us a lift.

Mom wasn't as understanding. As I know nothing about my father, I must assume that I get my temper from her. She was also a bit worried about me going to the game. I told her that I wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of scaring me away.

"You know that it's kind of ironic that you were so worried about being harassed for dressing like a girl, and the biggest jerks are those who think that you are pretending to be a boy," she stated. "Just be careful tonight."

One of the great things about going to the game was that I could wear jeans. Okay, they were girl jeans, but at least I was out of a skirt for a few hours. I wore a Central High t-shirt that I had bought at the school store. It was in our school colors, gray with red lettering. It was still warm enough at night to wear sandals. I also brought my camera.

"Well, if it isn't Miss School Spirit!" quipped Cat.

"Rah-rah!" I answered with a smile

On the way to the game, Cat told Laura what had happened. I made it clear that I wasn't looking for trouble but I appreciated their support. Laura asked if I knew the names of the contestants in my PE class. I was able to remember only a couple of names. But I was better at describing them. "The one who seemed the most hostile was called Jan by the others."

"Is she tall, black hair, skinny, and surly?" asked Laura.

"That sounds about right. You know her?" I asked

"Yes, that's Jason Martin. He's a jerk, and he comes from an entire family of jerks. His mom threatened to sue the school when Jason's sister didn't make the cheerleading squad two years ago. The school didn't give in, but they did give her a second try-out. She was awful and didn't make the squad. Jason is almost as spoiled. He lost in the class elections last year and demanded that we count the vote a second time. Be careful of him. He's like the rest of his family, a bunch of sore losers," explained Laura.

We arrived at the game and went to "The Pit." It was a lot of fun. I didn't see Jan or any of the others from PE. I did see Caroline and she waved hi to me.

The team ran out on the field led by our mascot, Willi the Wolfhound. Now Willi isn't a student in a costume, he's an actual 3-year-old Irish Wolfhound. The school used to be "The Wolves." But twenty years ago, the coach brought his pet wolfhound to the games and they won the championship. In honor of his wolfhound, we became the Central High Wolfhounds. Every year since then, we've had a dog at our games and school events. I was amazed at how friendly Willi was. For such a huge dog, he acted liked a puppy.

The game was over by the end of the first quarter. Alex threw for two touchdowns and the defense returned a fumble for another. By halftime we had scored three more times and the coach took most of the starters out of the game.

The atmosphere in "The Pit" was as fun as Laura had said it would be. Cat and Laura introduced me to everyone. Apparently, the crowd in the pit either hadn't heard the rumor about me or didn't care.

The second half was just as much of a blowout. Our second team continued to score and the defense kept the shutout. The final score was 56 to 0, and it really wasn't that close. As the game ended, Cat took me down to the field so I could meet Willi the Wolfhound. I also wanted to take his photo. She also wanted to congratulate Alex on his great half of football. The crowd was pretty happy, as we'd won our opening game. There were parties to go to and everyone was in a great mood.

Well, that isn't exactly true. The Martins were there and they were far from happy. I never saw them as they walked towards us. I turned around when I heard Jason say. "There's the cheating bitch, Mom."

I turned around to see Jason standing five feet away. He was now dressed in male clothes. "You showed them that note, you bitch, and you got me kicked out of the competition just for telling the truth. If you were a boy, I'd slug you," he screamed.

Everyone turned around and looked at the growing disturbance. I saw a tall, slightly overweight woman push past him. She had on too much makeup and was dressed like she was trying to look twenty years younger. She was glaring at me.

"I am going to expose you, girly. Look, everyone! Can't you see that she's not a boy? She's trying to steal the scholarship from my son," she yelled.

My back was against the fence and I began to look for a way out of there. I could see Laura running towards us with the principal, Mrs. Lee.

Suddenly, Mrs. Martin slammed against me and pushed me against the fence. I dropped my purse and camera. She violently grabbed me by my t-shirt and tore it off. As she did, my bra and fake breasts came off.

It then became total chaos. It was obvious to everyone that I was really a guy. Mrs. Martin started yelling at Jason and he was screaming at me. I fell to the ground and tried to cover myself up. Jason started towards me, yelling that he was going to kill me when I saw someone in a football uniform jump over the fence and tackle him. The crowd held back Mrs. Martin until the security guards arrived.

Cat was by quickly by my side. "Are you okay?"

I was trembling and nodded. Without even thinking about it, I was covering up my chest.

Mrs. Lee came over and helped me up. She told Cat to escort me to the school. Laura gave me a sweatshirt to cover up with. I could hear Mrs. Martin screaming the whole way back to the school.

As we approached the school, we were met by Ms. Bell, who took us to the front office. Laura ran up and joined us. Ms. B got me a replacement shirt and I got dressed. Luckily, Cat had scooped up my breast pads. I couldn't put them back on as Mrs. Martin had torn off my bra. I was still shaking a little. I was angry and scared. I was desperately trying not to cry. This feeling of being a helpless victim was one that I never wanted to experience again.

Sensing my emotional state, Ms B put her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to cry, Erika. No one here would hold it against you."

I felt Cat hand me a box of tissues. I looked up at her and initially started to laugh, but it turned into tears. She sat down next to me and gave me a long hug.

"Everything will be okay, Erika. They are taking statements out there and everyone says that you did nothing to provoke them. Many of them are other parents who are sick and tired of her constant complaining," explained Laura. "By the way, I have your purse and camera. It looks like it's okay."

"Who tackled Jason?" I asked, wiping my eyes.

"That was the starting safety, Mike Jackson. You met him at the pizza place a few weeks ago. He's Alex's best friend," answered Cat.

I tried to remember him. Then it came to me. He was the African- American guy who always hung around Alex.

"Remind me to thank him the next time we meet," I stated, as I began to regain my composure.

"Sure thing, Erika. You won't have to wait long. Alex and Mike and around six other players are waiting outside to escort us home," announced Cat. "I told you how they were protective of the contestants,"

"I agree with Cat, you need to go home. Besides there will be other parties to go to," concurred Laura.

Just then Mrs. Lee walked in. "How are you doing Erika?"

"Much better, thank you." I answered.

Mrs. Lee nodded. "I have a pretty good idea of what happened out there. Everyone agrees that you did nothing wrong. Jason will be suspended for fighting and violating school conduct rules. I am seriously considering expelling him. The police are debating assault charges against Mrs. Martin. I've had it with both of them. I've told the police that she is officially banned from all school events and that I would fully support their decision to arrest her. I will not tolerate any parent who assaults one of our students."

"Will anything happen to Mike? He was only trying to stop a fight." I asked, concerned that he might get suspended too.

"No, I appreciate that he was only trying to protect you and, from what I heard, it was his best tackle of the evening," she answered with a smile. "I think you should go home now, Erika. This incident will do nothing to hurt your status in the competition. I hope that you don't drop out."

"No way! I want this more than ever now," I replied. "Thank you very much, Mrs. Lee. I want to thank all of you."

As Cat had said, Alex and Mike and several other players were outside waiting for us. I immediately went up to Mike and hugged him. It just felt like the right thing to do. He returned it and I could feel his strong arms wrap around me.

I smiled at Mike. "I really appreciate you coming to my rescue tonight."

"No problem, I really enjoyed it. I never liked that asshole. So, are you okay?" Mike asked.

"Yes, thanks to you," I answered. "I want to thank all of you for your concern."

They drove us back to my house. I felt so safe and secure knowing that they were there to protect me. I also felt a little strange needing protecting.

Naturally, Mom was both concerned and upset at what had happened. Terri came over and, along with Cat, we sat up a while drinking tea. Mom was seriously considering suing the Martins. Terri told her that she would get a lot of support as most people in the area had had at least one run in with them over the years. I was just glad it was over. I said good night and walked up to my bedroom.

I had just finished changing into my pjs when there was a knock on my door. It was Cat.

"May I come in, Erika?" she asked.

"Sure, what's up?" I asked, opening the door.

Cat walked in and sat down next to me on my bed. "You know, the way you reacted to everything that happened was very interesting."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I think you know what I'm talking about. The way you covered yourself up, the emotional response in the office, and how you thanked Mike. They weren't exactly masculine. And they seemed more like instinctive responses, not thought out reactions," stated Cat.

I just nodded slowly. She was right. I had been replaying my reaction to the attack back in mind, over and over.

"I think it's pretty cool actually. Whether you like it or not, you are starting to act like a girl," smiled Cat.

I didn't initially respond. She was right. I kept playing through my reactions from the attack. While I wasn't the toughest guy back in San Diego, I never would have just let someone attack me back then. I was also a little bothered by the hug I'd given Mike. I didn't think it was just a reaction.

"May I ask you a personal question? Do you feel different since you've become Erika, and if so, do you want to stay this way?" she asked.

"Something is going on, but I don't fully understand it yet. I really can't answer your question." I answered honestly.

Cat hugged me. "Well, no matter what happens, I will be your friend."

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few weeks and began to replay my reactions back. I found that I was trying to convince myself that my reactions were just part of my drive to win the scholarship. I feel asleep wondering what I had gotten myself into.

Chapter Nine

Saturday morning, Mom and I arrived at the clinic and went in for the physical. I was a bit sore from the attack. Mom told me to be sure to tell the doctor.

The nurse led me into the examination room. She took my height and weight. Then she took my blood pressure along with a blood sample. She handed me a dressing gown and told me to get undressed and the doctor would be in shortly. I did not have to wait more than a few minutes. It was a bit surprising to see a woman walk in.

"Hello Erika, I'm Dr. Franklin," she announced, as she read the paperwork on her clipboard. "I see that I need to give you a complete physical. Your principal at Central High called and told me the reason. Now, shall we begin?"

She was very through and examined me completely. She noted the bruises that were on both my back and chest and stated that there didn't appear to be any real damage, but if it got worse to come back in. She also confirmed that I was a guy.

"Erika, I will see you Monday at your school. I think this issue will quickly fade away. But I must admit that you do pass very nicely," she smiled.

She talked to my mother for a few minutes. I guess she was easing her fears that I was really hurt from last night.

On the way home, we stopped at the police station. They had called and asked me to come in to make a statement. A young policeman met us at the front desk and took us to one of their offices. His name was Tom Bell, and I wondered if he was related to Ms. Bell back at Central High.

Officer Bell was pretty cool. He told me that they had enough evidence to convict Mrs. Martin of assault, even without my statement. He told us they even had a videotape of the event.

"I know it may be a bit traumatic, but do you want to see it?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," I answered.

The tape was taken from the stands and, as he said, it caught Mrs. Martin's attack on me. I was amazed by the ferocity of the tackle of Jason by Mike Jackson.

"Yeah, that was a "de-cleater," all right. He sure can hit someone. Reminds me of my days playing linebacker for the Wolfhounds," reminisced the officer.

"You attended Central High?" I asked.

"I graduated there three years ago," he announced proudly. "I was hired by the force six months ago. They're letting me finish my degree at night."

"Were you on the team when they beat up those guys from Red Hill?" I asked.

He smiled. "I cannot confirm or deny that I was. But I am pleased that the story is still being told. I admire what you and the others are doing. And I know how difficult it is. You have enough to deal with in your lives without dealing with jerks. I also have a deep hatred for bullies."

"Are you related to Ms. Bell, the counselor?" I asked.

"She's my aunt," he answered.

"She's pretty cool," I replied.

He beamed a huge smile. "I like her too. I will get back to you if we need anything else. If Mrs. Martin is smart, she will plead guilty and try to plea bargain. Call us if she gives you any trouble at all."

He led us out and thanked us again for coming in. My opinion of this town was much better this morning. I almost felt guilty for the way I had thought about it.

Chapter Ten

Monday, I arrived at school a little apprehensive. Other than Cat and Laura, I had not seen anyone else since Friday evening's incident. I was a bit worried about how I would be received.

When I walked into my homeroom, I discovered my fears were baseless. I received a standing ovation from the whole class, including Mr. Grant. It was a bit embarrassing. I smiled and thanked them.

"So, was this your idea?" I asked Cat.

"Nope, that was a popular uprising. Everyone was pretty pissed about what happened at the game, and they're glad you're all right," smiled Cat. "I told you we're protective of the contestants."

It was strange. I felt a strange sense of happiness based on how I was treated by my classmates. I had been attacked and didn't fight back, yet I was warmly received. I wasn't seen as a wimp; rather I was seen as an innocent victim. Did they see me as a contestant or as an actual girl? No, they knew I was a contestant, but did they sense something else? Life had become very complicated!

I made it through the day pretty well, but my mind was on the meeting that afternoon after school. I was hoping that there wouldn't be a need for it, but several parents still insisted that it go down. The remaining contestants in my PE class seemed friendlier, well maybe not friendlier, but they didn't seem as suspicious. There were no more notes.

I told Coach Chambers that I would like to join the team, if it was okay. She told me that, since there was no boy's cross-country team at Central High, then it was legal. I would still have to earn a position on the team, but she liked my running style and said that I should fit in pretty well. I told her that I wouldn't be able to practice that afternoon because of the meeting. She told me that was fine and to be at tomorrow's practice at 2:30 sharp by the track.

I showered and dressed. I slipped on my dress and reapplied my makeup. I was still a bit nervous. A group of angry parents can do that.

Mom was waiting for me in Ms. B's office. I was glad that they had finally met. Once I arrived, we went to Mrs. Lee's office. She was waiting for us and led us to the meeting. Dr. Franklin joined us before we walked into the auditorium.

I was a bit surprised by the size of the crowd. All the contestants were required to attend, and invitations had been extended to their parents. I saw Caroline and smiled at her and she waved back. A few faculty members were also there. I noticed Mr. Grant sitting in the back row.

Mrs. Lee walked to the front of the group and addressed them. "Thank you all for showing up. I appreciate your cooperation and that, unlike some other people, you are behaving in a mature manner. As you know, the reason for this meeting is to dispel the rumors that Erika Walters, a transfer student, is violating the rules of the scholarship competition. There have been rumors that Erika is actually female and therefore is in violation of the rules. Dr. Franklin conducted a complete physical on Erika this past weekend. Dr. Franklin would you please read your report."

Dr. Franklin stepped up to the podium. "There is no doubt that Erika is physically male. I have a signed affidavit in my hand that states this. I will be happy to show you the physical report."

Mrs. Lee again addressed the group. "Now, I fully expect this to end the rumors regarding Erika. I was very disappointed in the actions of several of the students in this room who sought to discredit Erika by spreading this rumor, and by assisting another student in harassment. Any further acts of harassment will result not just in disqualification from the scholarship contest, but will include suspension and, depending on the act, expulsion from school. I'm dead serious about this."

There was total silence in the room.

"Are their any questions?" asked Mrs. Lee.

Again the room remained silent. Finally one parent stood up. "Mrs. Lee, I am Rick Davis, Jessica's father. I want to apologize for way we have behaved. We should have checked with you before going off half cocked." Jessica was one of the "girls" from my PE class.

"Thank you, Mr. Davis. Well, that should wrap this up. Thank you again for coming in," Mrs. Lee replied.

I breathed a huge sign of relief. Several of the contestants came up and apologized for their behavior. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I was also impressed with Mrs. Lee. She had defused a huge problem, and now she was socializing with the parents as if nothing had happened. Still, I noticed that a few parents still looked at me as if they were inspecting me. Apparently they still had some doubts.

Mrs. Lee took Mom and me to her office to brief us on the Martins. When Ms. Bell had given her the note left on my locker, she'd called Jason into her office. Three other threatening notes had been left in other lockers, and the handwriting was the same. When she confronted Jason, he admitted that he had done it, but said he was justified because he was telling the truth. The notes, combined with the attempted assault, were too serious to ignore. The district had agreed with her recommendation for expelling him. As for Mrs. Martin, the district attorney had filed papers for a restraining order. It would prevent her from stepping on school property unless she had written permission to do so.

"I want to thank you for the way this was handled," Mom told her.

On the way home, I decided to switch the subject. I told Mom that I was going out for the girls' cross-country team.

"What happens if the contest ends before the season does?" she asked.

"I don't see that happening. I get the strange feeling that I will be Erika the whole school year."

Chapter Eleven

After my exciting first three days of school, things settled down a little. I found that Coach Chambers wasn't kidding when she said that being a boy wouldn't mean that I would have an advantage at cross country. I got smoked in my first couple of training races. It also took me a few weeks to get into better shape. By early October, I was making a contribution to the team and even finished third once. We ran as a team and part of my job was to help the stars of the squad by setting a fast pace. My willingness to sacrifice myself for the team made me very popular.

The other good thing about being on the team was that it kept me really busy, which kept my mind off the competition. By the first week in October, our numbers had dropped to only thirty-one. Most had been caught in rules violations. Only a few just plain quit. It was a bit weird - part of me wanted the list to drop off as fast as possible, but another part missed some of these "girls" when they returned to their old selves.

I found that I was very much at peace with my life as Erika. I had never felt so happy. Cat and I remained great friends; in fact, our friendship got stronger. She was always there for me and we were becoming as close as sisters. That sucked in some respects, since I was still in love with her at the time. She seemed content to be close friends. Thanks to Cat and Laura, I was also becoming very popular at school.

School was going pretty well. Actually, school was going fantastic. I was doing great in my classes. I also loved running. For the first time in my life I felt complete. I wondered if it was due to the move, or was it because I was now Erika.

I even got used to wearing sanitary pads a couple days of the week. It felt strange at first, but like everything else, I accepted it and moved on.

However, Friday evenings were the weekly highlight. The Wolfhounds were really kicking butt. Alex, our QB, was on pace to break every school and conference passing record. Many major colleges and universities were recruiting him. And he wasn't the only one having a great season; Mike Jackson had seven interceptions and had scored four touchdowns. He was also being heavily recruited.

I had a soft spot for Mike. He'd saved me from being attacked by that psycho, Jason Martin. The next home game we had seen him waving what looked like a gray rag above his head. It seemed to rally the team and we came from behind to win. After the game I found out that the gray rag was my torn t-shirt. Mike had found it on the ground after my assault. For some reason, he felt it would be a good luck charm for the team. Let me say right here that football players can be a bit weird at times! But, for whatever reason, it seemed to work. The shirt became a talisman and was used to spark the team and the crowd. For this reason, I had become a sort of unofficial mascot for the team. I just hoped that it continued to bring them luck.

Cat and I were in homeroom the second week of October when another major event changed my life. The morning announcements were being read. It was the usual batch of sports and club announcements. I usually just tuned them out. Then we heard Laura's voice on the PA.

"Good morning, Central High. Well, it's that time again and starting today through Thursday morning we will be accepting nominations for Homecoming King and Queen. The requirements are simple. The nominees must be seniors. A committee of staff, club presidents, and fall team captains will review the list of nominees. On Friday afternoon, we will give you the final list of candidates. Elections will be next Wednesday. The King and Queen, accompanied by their court, will be crowned at halftime of next week's game. Also here is a reminder to buy your tickets today for the Homecoming Dance following the game!"

I could feel the eyes of everyone in homeroom looking at me. "Oh, no, please, don't waste your nominations on me!"

There was some laughter and then Paul Brady stood up. "As you know, one of Erika's best traits is her modesty. You have to admire how quickly she was willing to give up this honor to her fellow students. I think this sort of self-sacrifice deserves to be rewarded. So I urge you to nominate our classmate Erika Walters for Homecoming Queen. By the way, I am volunteering to be your campaign manager."

A round of applause followed his speech. Paul was one the class clowns. I usually appreciated his humor, but not today. "I don't suppose that I have a choice?"

"Nope, none at all!" he answered smugly.

"Cat, have other contestants been nominated for Homecoming Queen?" I asked.

"Yes, it is a tradition to nominate a few. But this could be the first year that one gets into the court. Kristen is a dead lock to win as Queen. But I hate to tell you this; there is a lot of support in the senior class for you. Alex told me that several members of the team were also going to nominate you," smiled Cat.

"I suppose that withdrawal from the voting would be out of the question?" I asked.

"Absolutely. The only excuses are either religious or pregnancy. And there isn't time for you to convert or conceive, so it looks like you're in!"

"You're really enjoying this aren't you," I replied with a smile.

Cat pointed her finger at her chest. "Me?"

I tried to put in out of my mind. There was nothing I could do about it. Still, there was a part of me that felt pretty good about being nominated.

At lunch I sat with my usual crowd. Cat always got to the cafeteria before me and she would save me a seat. I had just sat down when Laura came up. We all gave her applause for her morning announcement. I knew that she was also in the running for Queen. In fact, I had filled out a nomination for her that morning. My nomination for King was Mike Jackson. I would have nominated Cat, just to get back at her, but that was too obvious. I would get her back later.

"So, Erika, I'm sure you know that you've been nominated. How do you feel about that?" asked Laura.

"I'd prefer not to be nominated. I think the honor should go to a real girl. But, I appreciate that my friends think I'm worthy."

"If you get elected, I'd fully support it; you would make a wonderful member of the court or even a Queen," explained Laura. "And don't belittle yourself, you are a real girl."

"There are some that would say that she already is a queen," quipped Cat.

Everyone broke out laughing, including myself.

Chapter Twelve

Laura was fast becoming one of my best friends. We seemed to have a lot of common interests. There was something about her that was different, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The rest of the week flew by. On Friday morning I sat in homeroom waiting for the announcements. Paul was up to something, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of getting angry. Actually, I found it impossible to stay angry with him. He was a nice guy. He was 5-11 and had light brown hair and green eyes. He took great joy in kidding me in homeroom. It was never mean spirited, and I found that I could sometimes get in a good zinger back. Paul was also on the school paper. He had teamed up to create a very funny weekly cartoon that made fun of almost everyone. He did the writing and Caroline drew the art.

Then came the announcements. First came the scores and club announcements. Then Mrs. Lee came on the PA to announce the ten candidates for the Homecoming King and Queen. The top three runners-up would be in the court. She first announced the boys. As expected, Alex and Mike were on the list. I didn't pay that much attention to the rest of the names. Then came the Queen nominations. Laura and Kristen were the first two names listed. I heard a few more names and then I heard mine. The class broke out in cheers and applause. I was soon busy receiving congratulations from the rest of the class. Paul began to distribute campaign buttons with a cartoon picture of me on them, and the words "Queen Erika I. Why not?"

"What would you have done with these if I hadn't been nominated?" I asked him

"No way, you were a sure thing!" exclaimed Paul. "What do you think of the buttons?"

"They are cute. Did you have to talk Caroline into helping you, or did she volunteer?"

"She was a very willing co-conspirator," replied Paul with a laugh.

"Hmmm, I'll have to thank her when I see her in photography class this afternoon. Could I have a couple of these buttons? I know my Mom will want one."

"Sure, Erika, here you are," he answered as he handed me a bag of buttons, "You can hand these out to supporters! So, do you mind if I continue to run your campaign?"

"No, not at all. Seriously, I want to thank you for doing this. What can I do for you?" I asked.

As the bell rang he leaned over to me and said, "You could go to the dance with me."

He left before I could give him a response, not that I was able to think of one. I was stunned. The dance was held after the game, so it was not a huge formal affair. But it was considered the first big social event of the year. I made it to my English class, but I was still in a daze. I had known that it would happen eventually. Several of the other contestants were already dating. There was a rumor that if we turned down more than two dates we would be disqualified, but I didn't believe it.

Halfway through class, Cat leaned over and asked what was wrong. I told her I'd tell her later. I still needed time for this to sink in.

Fortunately, Paul wasn't in any of my classes, so I didn't have to make a quick decision. I hadn't expected him to ask me out. I knew that Mike liked me, but he had recently started dating one of the cheerleaders. Her name was Tracey Brown, and she was a bit shy but was also really nice. She was also African-American and there weren't a lot of minorities in the school. Cat told me that this was the second time they were going out. She didn't know the reason why they'd broken up the first time.

By lunch there were campaign posters up all over school. I tried to ignore them, but they were everywhere. There were even a few promoting a write-in vote for Willi the Wolfhound. I saw that Paul had got a few up for me. I also saw the buttons everywhere.

"So what's bugging you? It can't be the nomination, you were expecting that," asked Cat, as she sat down next to me.

I looked over at her and saw she was wearing one of the buttons, as was almost everyone at my table. "Paul asked me out to the dance," I whispered to her.

"Really, that's cool, so what did you say?" asked Cat.

"Look, I'd really appreciate it if you kept this a secret. I didn't have time to tell him anything. I'll tell him this afternoon after the meet," I replied. We had a cross-country meet that afternoon and Paul was usually there. I used to think it was because he was covering it for the school paper. Now I wondered if it was because I was there.

"What are you going to say? You know that he is a pretty nice guy. You could do worse," asked Cat, in a much lower voice.

"I will tell him yes. I'm just not used to the idea that I am about to go to a dance with a guy," I answered. "So, who are you going with?"

Cat smiled. "I'll talk to you about that later."

Chapter Thirteen

There was a light drizzle coming down that afternoon. It was still warm, as we were experiencing Indian summer. I forced myself to forget about the election and Paul. This meet was very important as we were presently tied for first place with the Grantville Cougars. I saw Cat and Laura standing by the start. They had become my private cheering section. I gave them a small wave.

Surprisingly, I ended up having my best performance of the year. Grantville's runners had set a really fast pace and, combined with the rain, our runners were having a hard time. With a half-mile to go, their best runner sprinted ahead and I could tell that I was the only one who had a chance. I ran her down and just beat her at the finish line. While Grantville took second place, we grabbed the next three places!

As I was doing my cool down stretches, I saw Paul. I waved to him and he gave me a "thumbs up" with his right hand.

As I walked to the locker room, I asked him if he could wait for me. He said he would meet me out front.

I showered and changed. I ran my fingers through my hair. I decided that it was time for another trip to the salon, especially now that I would be going on my first date. I finished dressing and dried my hair. While I was getting used to wearing skirts and dresses, I still looked forward to my jeans day. Luckily, my team sweats counted as legit women's clothes. I checked myself in the mirror before I walked out, studying the image of the girl standing before me. It was difficult to remember what Eric looked like. To be honest, I was starting to like the person standing before me. Erika was a more complete person. I tried to put these thoughts down to the events of today, the election, Paul asking me on a date, etc, but deep down I knew that this wasn't true. I knew that I had started to debate my true identity the night of the assault. Life was becoming more complicated and simultaneously a lot more interesting.

When I came out, I saw Paul talking to Cat and Laura. "Here she comes. Excuse me, Ms. Walters, can I get a statement for the press on your great victory this afternoon!" asked Paul as he pretended to be extending a microphone towards me.

"I owe it all to my personal fan club and their undying support!" I replied.

"Girlfriend, if you keep winning, you'll need to give better interviews," joked Laura.

"Seriously, I appreciate all of you being at the race. We don't exactly get a huge crowd for the meets, especially when it's raining. The team is meeting for pizza, you want to come along?"

It was a tradition for the team to celebrate after a win and, being we were such a small team, we always brought friends.

"Sure, that sounds good. Laura and I will meet you two there," stated Cat, quickly dragging Laura away.

I was left alone with Paul. He smiled at me and we walked to his car, a vintage dark green VW Beetle. Somehow it suited him.

I looked at Paul and smiled. "I haven't seen many of these since I moved here."

"I may have the only one in town. It may be old, but it runs great," he replied.

He opened the door for me and I slipped in. "Thank you." I wasn't used to being treated like this, but I could get used to it!

He smiled back at me. I noticed he was less of a comedian when he wasn't in a crowd.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" he asked.

I smiled. "Yes, I have, I will go to the dance with you. However, I am still a bit uneasy about all this; it's happening pretty fast, so be patient with me."

He looked at me and took my hand. "I understand, Erika. But I just want you to know that I am persistent. I am also a good judge of people, and I have a strong feeling that Erika is going to be around for a while."

We met Cat and Laura outside Guido's. They were both smiling as they watched us walk up. I knew that Cat had told Laura everything. I really didn't mind, as the three of us had become very tight friends.

The rest of the team was already there. They waved us over and we joined them. The place was much more crowded than normal, as the football team wasn't playing until tomorrow afternoon over at Grantville High.

As the winner of the race, I was required by tradition to stand up and sing the school fight song. It was a take-off of the University of Wisconsin fight song. I am many things, but a singer is not one of them - in either gender! My singing was met by people putting their hands over their ears and making animal noises. I would have felt bad, but that was also part of the tradition.

"Oh, Erika, that was classic," laughed Cat, "classically bad!"

"Now you know why I was able to win today, nobody else wanted to sing," I quipped.

"This would make a great topic for this week's comic strip," added Paul with a laugh.

"Sure, that sounds great, then you'll also have a topic for the following week," I said. "Comic writer sits home, all alone, the night of the homecoming dance!"

"So, you said yes?" asked Laura.

I nodded.

Just then Rachael Patton stood up and began to tap her glass with a fork. She was one of our Co-Captains and probably our best over all runner. She was tall and wore her blonde hair in a short style and hadn't run today because of a slightly sprained ankle. She had already been offered a full athletic scholarship by several colleges.

"Excuse me, everyone. As you all know, Erika has had a pretty good day. She is one of the finalists for Homecoming Queen," she announced, pausing to allow applause. "She ran a great race today and helped us to stay in first place!" There was more applause. I noticed she was smiling at me, "And finally, and maybe most important, she has a date for the dance!"

I must have turned bright red as everyone looked over at us and clapped and made funny comments. I knew that it was being done good- naturedly, but I couldn't help but feel a little - correction, make that very - embarrassed.

"So much for taking this slowly," whispered Paul.

Later on Cat pulled me aside, "It's better this way, everyone would know eventually, so why try to keep it a secret?"

"Don't worry, Erika, we'll make sure you are ready for this," added Laura. "This is so cool!"

I wanted to say that I was just going to one dance with him, but even I couldn't believe that one.

When I got home, I told Mom about my big day. She had heard at work that I was one of the finalists for Homecoming Queen. I gave her a couple of the buttons. She laughed when she saw my likeness on the button.

"That's right! Why not!" she said as she read the slogan on the button. "How do you feel about this?"

"To be honest I'm filled with mixed emotions. Part of me is honored and excited."

"And what about the other part?"

"I don't know exactly how to describe it. I mean I'm a guy, yet I'm thrilled by the fact that my class has nominated to be the Homecoming Queen. I keep telling me that I just doing this because of the scholarship competition."

Mom nodded and let me talk. I suspected that she knew that I had more things to talk to her about.

I next told her of my victory. I was saving the news of my upcoming date for last. I wasn't sure how she would react.

I was very nervous, and it took me a few moments to get up the nerve to tell her about Paul. "I have one more thing to tell you."

"So, tell me all about him," she interrupted.

I was instantly stunned. "You know?"

"From the minute you walked in. I want you to know that I will always support you, no matter what path you choose," she explained. She then put the teakettle on the stove and turned on the burner.

We sat in the kitchen and talked for several hours. She told me that I should invite Paul over for dinner sometime, and said that I would probably be invited over by Paul's family. She also seemed to know that I was in a budding identity crisis.

Chapter Fourteen

Saturday morning was cloudy and a bit cooler. I decided to wear a red turtleneck top with a gray sweatshirt adorned with a picture of Willi. I was in jeans and brown loafers, my beloved sandals having been put into hibernation until spring.

Cat called. Laura was picking us up for the trip over to Grantville around eleven. Paul was also coming along with us. The only other task that morning was to call the salon and make an appointment. They had heard of my nomination and were excited about working on me. I told them that, due to practice, I couldn't be there until after 6. They told me it wouldn't be a problem and they told me that stayed open late on Wednesdays.

I met Cat at her house. Terri congratulated me and kidded me a bit about my upcoming date.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked Cat.

"To be totally honest, yes, I do. I think this is a very important crossroad for you and you shouldn't put it off," she answered. "Besides, you seem to be the only one worried. You're accepted here as Erika, you might as well acknowledge it and move on."

"Thanks, Cat, I can always count on you to give me an honest answer," I replied.

"That's what friends are for. You have become very special to me."

"So, who are you going to the dance with?" I asked.

Cat smiled at me. "I guess I should listen to my own advice more often, everyone will know soon enough. I'm going with Laura."

I smiled slightly. "You mean you two are lesbians?"

"I don't like labels. I still like boys, but something has clicked between Laura and me. What do you think?" she asked.

"I think it's great. But how will the rest of the school react?"

"Well, we aren't the first, and it would seem hypocritical to make a big deal about it when there are thirty guys running around campus in skirts. My mom knows and she is cool about it. As far as anyone else goes, this is my life and I am not looking for their permission."

"I fully support you and Laura. After all, you've been there for me!"

"Thanks, Erika, I really appreciate it. And I will always be there for you."

We gave each other a big hug. Just then the Hallmark moment was broken up by the sound of Laura's horn.

As I slipped in the back next to Paul, I gave Laura a knowing wink. She smiled back.

On the drive over to Grantville, I told them that I was feeling a bit nervous.

"I feel safe here in Golden Hill, but I am still a bit wary when I go to other towns," I stated.

"Well, don't worry, the Pit will protect you," promised Cat.

We formed the transplanted Pit in the visiting team's bleachers. We were presently 5-0 and headed towards another championship. Grantville was having a pretty good season, and at 4-1 they couldn't afford to lose to us.

Just before the game started, we watched as the Grantville students put up a huge banner that said, "The Grantville Cougars welcome the Central High Drag Queens." There were several male students wearing Central gear in drag mincing around their sidelines. I felt a wave of emotions run through me, ranging from fear to rage. I looked over at Caroline and could see the same range of emotions in her. There were a few other contestants in the Pit, and the rest of our class immediately comforted all of us.

If their intention was to psych-out our team, it failed miserably. Our team just glared at them in silence. The entire team seemed very intense. Alex looked up to the Pit and pointed at us. Mike Jackson starting waving the tattered gray rag that had once been my t-shirt during the opening kickoff. I pulled my camera out of my bag and took his picture.

The game was a blowout from the second that their kickoff receiver caught the ball. Our special teams almost decapitated him and in doing so caused a fumble. We recovered the ball to run in for a touchdown. We never let up from there, scoring on every possession, with the defense adding two more scores. Halftime saw 49-0.

The banners were still up after the halftime show and our team continued with their abuse of the Cougars. Our defense was not content to just not let them score, but they didn't want them to gain a yard. Our coach finally called off the dogs when the score reached 84-0. I also noticed that we let up right after several irate Cougar players tore down the offending sign. There was no more scoring and we recorded our most impressive victory in school history; the rest of the league got the message to not to piss us off.

We all got out of there right away to avoid trouble and headed to the post-game party at Alex's house. His parents owned an old farmhouse on the edge of town. They had converted the barn into an upstairs apartment for Alex, and transformed the downstairs part into a giant recreation room. It had become the site for the many post-game celebrations.

I saw Mike and Tracey when we walked in. He came up to me and said that the win was for all of us. I smiled and thanked him. We met up with Alex; he was talking to Kristen. It looked like they were becoming an item. He told us that our coach had told his Grantville counterpart to take down the sign before the game started.

Alex told us what happened next. "Coach said that the Grantville coach said that we should send some of our "sissies" over to do it. So, he turned to us and told us to really kick their asses. Not that we needed his permission. The team was really pissed and was tempted to go over and tear it down. Coach then made the same demand at halftime and was told to "get screwed." Apparently their own players tore it down without being told to. I guess we showed them!"

"I was hoping that they'd keep the signs up. I think we could have broke one hundred!" added Mike with a huge smile on his face.

I looked at Alex and Mike. "I think you guys are great. I wanted to personally thank you!"

Alex walked up and gave me a huge hug. He actually lifted me up off the ground.

"Well, maybe this will keep a lid on the usual BS that goes down when we play Red Hill High," said Alex.

He went on to tell me about the border war that existed between the two schools. Some of it I had heard about from Cat. He said that this year it would get pretty bad because it was shaping up as the championship game for the conference. Red Hill was our last game and they were also undefeated.

I caught up with Paul. For a non-jock he was well liked by the team. He was talking with some of the players. He planned on making the game the focus of this week's comic and was getting some of their input. He smiled when I walked over to him.

"So, are you having a good time?" he asked

"Yes, I am. By the way, my mom asked me to invite you over for dinner. How about Tuesday?" I asked.

"Sounds good. I have a similar invite from my parents for tomorrow."

"My mom is cool about you taking me to the dance. How are your parents taking it?" I asked. "You did tell them EVERYTHING about me?"

Paul smiled at me. "Yes, they know. They were at the game when you were attacked."

"Oh! And how do they feel about you taking me to the dance?"

"Kind of mixed feelings. My mom is totally cool with it, and so is my sister. My dad has a few issues - more with me than with you. But don't worry, he'll be polite and he won't rip your shirt off. He may not talk to you; but then again he doesn't talk to me all that much either. But on the plus side, my Mom is a great cook."

"Sounds like it will be a thrilling evening. I didn't know you had a sister, how old is she?"

"She's two years older and her name is Barb. She's in college. She's looking forward to meeting you."

The party lasted for a few more hours. The tension of the game slowly passed and everyone's focus shifted to the upcoming events of Homecoming and the game versus the Glendale High Knights.

Laura gave us a lift home. It had been a long day and I was really beat. Paul told me that he would pick me up around 5:00. We dropped him off first as Laura and Cat wanted to talk to me in private.

We went over to Cat's house and went into her room. It was funny that I once felt so nervous walking in there.

"How're you doing?" asked Laura.

"Well, considering everything that has happened in the past few days, I'm okay," I replied. "How are you doing?"

"I am a bit nervous about coming out at school. I know some won't take it very well. But my parents know and, while they aren't exactly happy, they are supportive," answered Laura. "I think they have always suspected that I was different, but that's different from knowing the truth."

"Do you only have feelings for girls or do you like boys too?" I asked

"I like boys like you," she answered with a smile and a wink.

Her answer caught me off guard and I did my best to recover. "Oh, I see. So you like the sensitive types! Well, as I told Cat, I'm your friend; and you'll always be my friend," I promised. I hoped my answer didn't sound too stupid.

Laura winked at me and giggled.

"Erika, I know that you like me a lot. However, I'd rather just be friends with you. Friend really isn't a good description, you're the closest thing to a sister I'll ever have," announced Cat.

"Was I that obvious?" I replied with a laugh, "Look, I'll admit I'm a bit jealous of Laura, but I think it's great that you two are happy." I was happy that Cat saw me as her sister, but part of me knew that meant we wouldn't date.

"Thanks, Erika. I appreciate your honesty," replied Cat.

Back home, I told Mom about the events of the day. She wasn't all that surprised about Cat and Laura. She told me that she'd make a dessert for me to take to Paul's house Sunday night.

Chapter Fifteen

Sunday morning I got up and ran a few miles. It had rained overnight, but it was starting to clear. I liked running early in the morning as it gave me a chance to think about things. The idea that Cat and Laura were now an item was slowly sinking in. I hoped that everyone would be accepting. But then again, the response by the football team yesterday showed that they were open minded.

I used most of the day to finish off some homework. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready. Cat came over and helped me pick out an outfit. I ended up in a long black skirt, black boots, and a red sweater. Cat checked my makeup and complimented me.

"You know, they're a few girls on campus that you could teach a thing or two about makeup," complimented Cat.

I smiled at Cat. I was struggling to put in my earring. I was starting to tremble slightly. Cat reached over and helped me.

"Nervous?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea?" I answered with a slight laugh.

"Look, you'll do fine. It's only dinner, and Paul's mom and sister are pretty cool."

"What about his dad?" I asked.

"Paul's mom and sister are pretty cool," she repeated, with a smile. "Paul's dad is just a little old fashioned. I think he has some personal issues to deal with."

We talked a few more minutes until Paul arrived. He came in and met Mom, and he thanked her for the dessert.

"You look great, by the way," he said.

"Thanks." I was aware that I was blushing slightly. "Sorry, I'm just not completely used to getting compliments from a boy."

"You'd better get used to it," he replied. "You're beautiful."

Mrs. Brady met us at the door. I could hear the TV in the family room; it sounded like a football game. Paul's sister Barb joined us in the kitchen. Like Cat said, they were both pretty cool. I hit it off with both of them; they asked me questions while Paul went in to see his dad.

Paul walked back in. "Dad will be in when the game is over."

I sensed the tension between Paul and his father.

Paul joined us the kitchen table. Mrs. Brady had to get up every few minutes to check on dinner. She was cooking chicken breasts.

"It smells great, Mrs. Brady."

"Thank you, Erika."

"So, how do you feel about being nominated for Homecoming Queen?" asked Barb.

"Nervous. I also feel honored. I appreciate that my friends think so highly of me," I answered.

"Paul told me that Queen was pretty well a lock for one of the cheerleaders," stated Barb.

"Yes, her name is Kristen, but she deserves it. She is really nice," I replied.

"I hope you make the court. I think it would be great. Besides, it will be a night you'll never forget."

"Barb was in the court her senior year at Central," explained Mrs. Brady.

Then we heard the TV go silent. Paul gave me a look and a wink. In walked Mr. Brady.

"Dad, this is Erika Walters," introduced Paul.

I could feel his eyes move down me as he checked me out. He extended his hand. "Good evening," he stated in a flat, unemotional tone.

"Thank you, Mr. Brady, I'm pleased to meet you too." I replied, in a sweet, cheerful manner.

He sat down at the table across from me. He continued to inspect me. I decided to try and start some conversation.

"So, who won the game?" I asked.

"Steelers pulled it out in overtime with a field goal. Do you like football?"

"Absolutely. My mom even took me to a few games back in San Diego."

"Really? I would have thought that you wouldn't follow it now" he answered bluntly.

I ignored the obvious insult, "Well, it was easier to follow out there. The early games came on at 10:00 AM, so you could watch a game and still have the whole day to do things. Also the Monday night game started at 6:00."

Paul cracked a small smile. Barb also looked pleased with the way I was handling myself. The mind games had started. So far I'd returned his first serve. I prepared for the next volley. I was determined to stay calm and unemotional, even if I was kicked out.

"What do you think about the Wolfhound's game yesterday?" he asked.

"I loved it. The game sent a message to the rest of the league that you have to beat us on the field, not try to play stupid mind games with us."

"Yes, but how do you feel personally about the banner?"

"I felt it was insulting and juvenile, but I didn't take it as a personal attack."

He sat there in silence. It was like he was planning his next serve.

"You know, there are some people who would consider this whole scholarship contest immoral and slightly perverted," he stated, in a calm voice.

There was a very loud silence in the room.

I took a big breath. "That's true, but there have always been narrow- minded people who judge something or someone before they get to know and understand it or them."

I wasn't sure, but I think he cracked a smile.

"And what do you do when you meet these 'narrow-minded people' these days?"

"It depends on whether they are truly narrow-minded or just uninformed. If they are narrow-minded, then I ignore them the best I can. If they are just uninformed, then I try to educate them. But I won't sink to their level." Okay, the ball's back in your court, I thought.

The shot was returned quickly. "So, everyone who disagrees with you is narrow-minded or uninformed?"

"No, I never said that. But only a fool would make a judgment about something without knowing all the facts. I respect other people's opinions as long as they are based in facts and reason. I have no respect for closed-minded, uneducated opinions. I respect other viewpoints, even when I don't agree with them."

The only noise was the sound of the chicken cooking in the oven. I wasn't sure what was coming next.

"As a guest in my home, don't you feel that you should be respectful of my beliefs?" he asked.

"Yes, I do, and, as a guest invited into your home, my beliefs should likewise be respected. I doubt I would gain your respect by abandoning my beliefs just to please you. People don't have to all have the same beliefs to get along," I answered, half expecting to get shown the door.

He sat there and then broke out in a big smile, "Well, I'll give you credit, Erika, you didn't back down and you argued your points quite well. If you win that scholarship, you should consider going into law. You have the makings of a good lawyer. Hell, I might even hire you," he stated with a laugh.

"Dinner is ready," announced Mrs. Brady.

The rest of the evening was fine. As I left, Mr. Brady told me that I was welcome back anytime.

"Man, you really pulled it off tonight He actually likes you!" beamed Paul, as he drove me home.

"I'm kind of amazed that I survived his interrogation myself," I replied. "By the way, it's your turn on Tuesday."

"What time?" he asked.

"Come by around 6:30. Oh, my mom's questions will be more on your intentions, just in case you want to start working on your answers."

Paul walked me up to the front door. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again for coming by, and I'm glad that everything worked out."

"I had a good time, thanks," I replied.

Paul stood there looking at me. I knew what was on his mind and part of me actually wanted him to do it. He shrugged his shoulders and then leaned over and kissed me. It was a quick little kiss on the lips, but I remember it to this day. Every girl remembers her first kiss!

He walked back to his car and waved good-bye. I stood there for a few seconds and then walked in.

"I'm home," I announced as I hung up my coat.

"Come on in the kitchen, honey," replied Mom.

I walked in the kitchen and saw that Cat was there with her mom. They were all drinking tea. I grabbed my mug and filled it from the teapot.

"How'd it go?" Mom asked.

I proceeded to tell them about my evening at the Bradys.

"I'm pleased that you held your ground," Mom stated proudly.

"Also, when Paul dropped me off he kissed me," I added, taking a sip of tea.

There was a momentary silence. I waited to see who would ask a question first.

"And how do you feel about it?" asked Mom.

"Mixed feelings. Part of me liked it, part of me is very confused, and part of me is scared," I answered.

"Why scared?" asked Terri.

"I know I may be stating the obvious, but this is starting to get a lot deeper and involved that a simple contest. I'm having a lot of conflicting thoughts. And to be honest, I'm not sure I want the contest to end," I announced. Judging by the looks on their faces, I wasn't exactly shocking them.

"And Paul's attraction to you just compounds these feelings," added Terri.

I nodded. "I appreciate your help and advice. It's also good to have someone I can trust to listen to me," I said.

Chapter Sixteen

The campaigns were in full swing. By Wednesday, almost every wall had a multitude of posters and flyers on it. I gave Paul a free ride with one main exception - don't mess with the other candidate's posters. Due to everything going on that week, Paul took a rain check for dinner. He understood completely.

Voting was very strictly monitored to ensure that the ballot box wasn't stuffed. Each ballot allowed you to vote for your top four. All votes had to be in by the end of lunch.

I basically tried to put it out of my mind, but the growing internal conflict with my gender had an influence. Part of me was really hoping to win. I braced myself for the results. They were due to be announced at the end of 6th period. I was in a fog most of the day and 6th period didn't come soon enough. I walked by the display case for the contest and saw that the number of contestants had dropped to 25. I looked at the pictures of the latest to drop out. I really didn't know them that well. I did recognize one. He had been at the football game on Saturday. So there was at least one casualty from Grantville's ignorance.

During PE, Coach Chambers called me over. "If you are a finalist, you will have a meeting to attend right after school. Go to the meeting, I'll know where you are. If you don't make it, well, you can run off your emotions."

"Thanks, Coach."

There was no need to change after PE with practice so soon after school. I did put on my team sweats. I felt a sense of pride from seeing the Wolfhound logo on one side and my name embroidered on the other. We had only two meets left before the playoffs. Barring injuries, I was a lock to earn a letter. I really wanted it too. I saw myself as a vital part of the team.

The sound of Mrs. Lee's voice snapped me back into reality. I walked out of the locker room and stood in the main hallway that led from the gyms to the rest of the school.

"I have the honor to announce this year's Homecoming King & Queen and their court. There will be a mandatory meeting in Rm. 105 immediately. First, I want to thank everyone for participating and for the wonderful campaigns that you all waged. I also need to add that, once again, Willi's write-in campaign fell short."

I listened as she called off the male winners first. As expected, Alex was named King. I was also pleased to hear that Mike Jackson was selected for the court. I really didn't know the other two all that well. Bill Fry was the student government VP, and Chris Taylor was the captain of the soccer team.

Next came the Queen and her court. Kristen was elected Queen. Then came the three members of her court. As I stood there waiting, several members of the team joined me. Laura's name was called off next, followed by Tracey's, and then mine!

The girls around me immediately swamped me. I thanked them and worked my way through well-wishers until I made it to the meeting.

Laura and Kristen ran up and hugged me when I walked in. I was very overwhelmed by it all. Once everyone arrived, Mrs. Lee once again congratulated us.
We were handed a booklet that contained the schedule of events. Mrs. Lee told us to read them overnight. She said that tomorrow we would be pulled out of class for our fittings. A local formal clothing rental company was donating the outfits. They would measure us tomorrow and have the clothes ready Friday.

Friday we would get to ride the float in the parade before the game. Then at half-time we would be presented to the student body. Our last duties would be to open the homecoming dance after the game. There were a few extras thrown in for the girls. On Friday afternoon, we would be given a free total makeover.

After the meeting, I headed back to practice. I ran into Ms. Bell on my way back to the gym. She asked me to stop by and see her tomorrow morning. I said I would and hurried on back to practice.

I reported to Coach Chambers and she told me to warm up and then to catch up with the rest of the team. Running that afternoon was very relaxing. I felt free. Our next meet was the following day, so we had a light practice. I changed and headed to the parking lot. Mom had allowed me to use her car so I could make it to the salon.

The staff at the salon had already heard that I was in the court. They were very happy for me. They colored my hair again and restyled it. Additionally, they gave me a discount on my nails. They were a bit longer than I was used to, but they looked great. I told them about the makeover on Friday and they told me that the woman who was doing it was excellent. I promised them a photo.

I arrived home and Mom was waiting there for me. She was more excited about what was happening than I was. We had a nice dinner at home. I spent the rest of the evening doing homework and reading the agenda for Homecoming.

Chapter Seventeen

The next day I caught a ride to school with Cat and Laura. We talked about the upcoming events. I was keyed up for several reasons. First, there was all the stuff going on with Homecoming, and then there was the meet this afternoon.

"You know, Erika, when I first met you back in August, I knew you'd do well here, but I had no idea that you'd get picked for Homecoming," confessed Cat.

"I would have been shocked if you'd told me that I'd still be the competition after two months," I replied

"Erika, you aren't in any competition anymore," stated Laura. "With every passing day, you leave your old life further behind you."

"Maybe you're right," I said to myself. Deep down I knew she was right, I just wasn't ready to openly admit it.

We got to school early. Laura wanted to soak in the atmosphere of being a "celebrity". I walked down to see Ms. B. Luckily, she was in her office and she waved me in.

"I see that you're having a great week," she announced

"Yes, it's not bad. It still hasn't sunk in about Homecoming."

"I am very proud of what you have accomplished so far. You are a credit to the program."

"Thank you, Ms. B."

"If there is anything you need or have questions about, please feel free to stop by my office."

"I know that, Ms. B, but thanks for the reminder. Is there anything else you need?" I asked.

"No, that's all for now. I'll see you at Homecoming," she replied.

As I walked out her office, I felt that something was up. I knew that she liked me, but there was something else going on. I put it out of my mind as I headed to homeroom.

When I entered my homeroom, I was greeted by a standing ovation. There were several cries of, "Speech! Speech!"

"Thank you, all. I really appreciate your support. I also want to thank all the 'little people' that helped with my campaign," I announced, while looking at Paul with a big smile on my face.

"I want a rebuttal, I'm taller than she is!" protested Paul.

Mr. Grant said it was time to sit down and get to work. I went to my seat and saw Cat grinning at me.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked.

"I am just pleased to see the changes in you. You have come a long way from the shy girl I knew back in August," she whispered.

"Excuse me, Miss Walters, this is for you," interrupted Mr. Grant as he handed me a pass.

"What does it say?" asked Cat, as I looked at it.

"It's my pass to get fitted for my gown. I need to be in Mrs. Roberts's room at 11:00. Cool! That will get me out of Calculus!"

"You'll have to tell me everything at lunch, and I mean everything!"

*******************

Entering the Home Economics classroom, I ran into Laura. "Hey, Erika! You're next!" Laura was really eating this up. I got a kick out of seeing her so happy.

"Hi, Laura, how was it?"

"It was great. Get this - they're even giving us lingerie to go with the gowns!" she exclaimed, holding up a bag, "Don't worry, Ms. B is here and they know about your status. You'll be fine. Well, see you at lunch!" Laura zipped out of the room.

I saw Ms. B talking to an older woman. The woman was dressed in very expensive clothes and everything on her was coordinated and looked... well, it all looked perfect.

"Hi, Erika, I want you to meet Mrs. Lincoln," introduced Ms. B.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lincoln. I'm pleased to meet you."

"So, this is the young woman that I have heard so much about? It is a pleasure to meet you too, Erika. Shall we get started?" replied Mrs. Lincoln.

I nodded as she led me to her work area. I saw Mrs. Roberts sitting at her desk. She looked up and waved to me. I waved back.

Mrs. Lincoln owned several stores in the area. Apparently she'd married well, several times, and divorced even better. Her stores were known to have the newest fashions and were swamped during major social events.

There was another woman standing there. I figured that she was the seamstress. There was no way that Mrs. Lincoln would lower herself to physical labor.

"Well, Erika, let me take a look at you. Yes, very nice. You stay in good shape," she noted.

"I'm on the cross-country team," I explained.

"Alright, dear, I need you to strip down to you bra and panties. We will need to get your measurements," she explained.

I reluctantly stripped down. The other woman took out a tape measure and went over my whole body. She then went to the clothes rack behind her and handed me a gown.

"Please slip this on, dear. It will be a little loose in some places, but that is what Rita is here for," Mrs. Lincoln stated.

The gown was strapless and was silver in color. "Your Queen will be in red. I assume the color choice has something to do with your school colors. I wouldn't select them," added Mrs. Lincoln with a slight smile. "Now what is your shoe size? We need you in heels to get the hem just right."

I put on the heels and stood there in the gown while Rita marked and pinned sections. Luckily, Cat had made me buy some heels and she had taught me to walk in them. I was still a bit wobbly, but I imagine that was due to being nervous.

I was then told to carefully take off the gown. I handed it to Rita and thanked her.

"Now, we need to get you a strapless bra and some other lingerie," continued Mrs. Lincoln.

She had me try on several styles before settling on a style. She then handed me a pair of matching panties, a garter belt, and several pairs of stockings.

"I think that a girl on a special night should be wearing beautiful things on every part of her body. Now those are yours to keep," she stated.

"Thank you, very much. You are very thoughtful," I answered. I was actually pleased by the gift!

Mrs. Lincoln nodded approvingly, "Now, let me see - good, you have pierced ears and only one hole per ear, how refreshing!"

She selected a pair of earrings and a matching necklace.

"Yes, these will work very nicely with your gown. I will bring these to school tomorrow. I want you here at 2:30 sharp. The makeup artist will be here and then we will get you dressed. Now don't forget your lingerie. I will be very disappointed if you forget them. Now, go get dressed. I think you need to get back to class. I will see you tomorrow, Erika."

I put my skirt and sweater back on and slipped on my shoes.

"Good-bye, Rita, thank you. Good-bye, Mrs. Lincoln. Don't worry, I won't forget. Thank you for everything," I said as I left.

As I walked out of the room, I saw Mrs. Roberts and Ms. B standing in the hallway. "She is something, isn't she?" whispered Ms. Roberts.

I smiled and nodded. "See you later, Mrs. Roberts."

I now knew why Laura had been so dreamy when I saw her. It felt good to be pampered. I could get used to it, I thought. I was immediately dragged back into reality when I got back to class. I arrived just in time for a surprise quiz.

At lunch, Laura and I told Cat all about Mrs. Lincoln.

Cat smiled at my description of Mrs. Lincoln. "She sounds like a real character."

"Will you be at the meet this afternoon?" I asked.

"Of course, we do have season tickets you know," quipped Laura. "Besides, it's so nice out."

We were in the middle of a dose of warm weather. It was due to last through the weekend, and then it was due to turn nasty.

"I know. When I saw the gowns for tomorrow, I was expecting to freeze." I replied.

"Oh, we'll be too excited to feel cold," exclaimed Laura.

I just looked at Cat and rolled my eyes, "What have you been feeding her the last few days?"

"I know, I will have to cut all sugar and caffeine out of her diet," added Cat.

"I don't care what you say, I'm going to enjoy every second of this!" exclaimed Laura.

I ran into Paul on my way to my photography class.

"I'll be at the meet this afternoon. Can I drive you home?" asked Paul, smiling at me.

"Sounds great, see you then!"

I sat down next to Caroline and asked her how it was going.

She looked at me and I could tell that she was depressed. "Well, I got into a huge fight with my dad last night. I told him that I was going to the homecoming dance and that I had a date. He kicked me out of the house."

"What are you going to do?" I asked. I was stunned.

"I moved in with my aunt. I'll still be in the district. My mom still supports me."

"If you need anything, let me know." I put my arm around her.

"Besides, I think you know that this is becoming a bit more than a competition for a scholarship for me," she whispered to me.

"What do you mean?" I replied softly.

"I'll call you tonight."

I told her I should be home between 6:00 and 7:00. I also decided to stop by Ms. B's office.

I swung into Ms. B's office on my way to Home Economics. She thanked me for the information and said that she would do what she could for Caroline.

I pretty much drifted through Mrs. Roberts' class. The team was getting dismissed early for the meet, so I was only in class for 20 minutes.

I was really looking forward to the meet. Not so much because of the competition, but because it would allow me to clear my head for a while. I was really concerned for Caroline and her reference to the fact that the contest wasn't important to her.

The meet was a pretty easy victory. Rachael was back and ran as if she'd never been injured. She easily won and we also took the next three positions. I grabbed fourth, but I didn't care what place I was in as long as we won.

I showered and changed and caught up with Laura, Cat, and Paul.

"So are you heading to Guido's?" asked Laura

"Absolutely!" I replied.

Cat left with Laura and I rode over with Paul. He leaned over and kissed me.

"So what was that for?" I asked.

"For fourth place."

After the celebration, he dropped me off and gave me another kiss. This time I responded back. Instead of a short little peck on the lips, we kissed a little longer and a lot more passionately.

"That was nice," stated Paul.

I nodded. "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I was just getting in the door when the phone rang. Mom answered and I could hear her tell the person that I'd just got in.

"Hi, honey, Caroline is on the phone,"

"Thanks, Mom," I said as I took the phone from her. "Hi, Caroline, how are you doing?"

"Better, thanks. I appreciate your concern and thanks for talking to Ms. B. She already has helped me."

"Hey, that's what friends are for," I answered. "So, what else is on your mind?"

"Well. I guess I can trust you. Ms. B. is arranging with my mom for me to see a therapist, so I can start my official transition."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Caroline's words were starting to sink in.

"I'm transsexual. I finally stopped fighting it, and I plan to live the rest of my life as a female."

I was initially speechless. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I knew deep down that I entered the competition not for the scholarship, but because of the chance to be myself. I mean that I'd love to get the scholarship, but I have never felt so free and at ease as I have this year. My aunt is totally accepting, and if my dad doesn't come around, that's his loss. Ms. B says that, to stay in the competition, I won't be able to start hormones until spring. But I can wait."

"Wow! Well, you can count on my support, Caroline."

"Thanks. Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this quiet for now."

"No problem," I answered.

Caroline's revelation had me thinking. Until the competition, I had never thought about dressing in women's clothes. But I had to admit that I was becoming more and more at ease with it.

I also knew that it was deeper than that. I was happy being Erika. I felt a sense of excitement knowing that Caroline was staying in the contest. That meant that I could stay Erika until the end of the school year. I know it was it a bit selfish, but I didn't care.

Chapter Eighteen

The sense of excitement in school on Friday was electrifying. I drifted through my classes and was clock-watching the whole day. Whatever Laura had was apparently contagious, and I was almost as dizzy as she was.

To be honest, I remember very little about the day. I know I was in school, but I cannot remember a single detail between homeroom and 2:30 in the afternoon.

I arrived at Mrs. Robert's room and joined the other three girls. They had to get us ready by 4:30 for the start of the parade.

As they styled my hair and did my makeup, I smiled, thinking about what my friends in my old school would think. I was very curious about what I'd look like. They wouldn't let me see myself until they were finished.

They finally turned me around and I was speechless. I couldn't believe that it was me in the reflection. I thanked them for their wonderful work.

Next came the dress. Kristen was already dressed. She was having her crown adjusted and pinned down. She looked so beautiful. Mrs. Lincoln waved me over and directed me to the dressing area. I needed some help with the stockings and garters. I couldn't seem to line them up right. Mrs. Lincoln had one of her assistants come over and help me.

The dress fit like a glove. I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and was mesmerized. Mrs. Lincoln came up and helped me put my earrings and necklace on. She then set a small tiara on my head and pinned it down.

She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "You look lovely, dear, soak it all in. You will remember this night your whole life."

I slowly walked over to Laura and Tracey. They also both looked incredible. Although, combined we looked like the backup singers for a '50s girl singing group. Mrs. Lincoln was right. Our school colors looked much better on sports uniforms. Still, it did nothing to diminish the joy I was feeling.

We walked down with Kristen to the float. Only two of the guys would be on the float. The game was too important. Alex and Mike would join us at halftime in their uniforms. I was actually surprised that Kristen was skipping the game. The guys were dressed in James Bond tuxedos. Alex and Mike would change into theirs after the game and join us at the dance.

While we waited on the float, Laura and I joked about practicing our royal waves to the masses. Finally the parade started. We waited for a while. We were the last float and we had to follow the band, cars, other floats, etc.

I started to shiver a little as our float started down the street. I wasn't cold, so it had to be nerves. I had a momentary thought that this was some cruel joke, but it quickly faded. We had been told to smile a lot and to wave to everyone. I had no idea how tiring that could be. I searched the crowd for Mom, Cat, and Paul. I finally saw Mom; she was standing up front taking pictures. Terri was standing next to her and was videotaping us.

I saw Paul and Cat a few blocks down. I nudged Laura and she looked over and blew a kiss to Cat. What really surprised me was seeing Paul's parents in the crowd. I was stunned to see that his dad was also videotaping us.

We rode the float into the stadium and were escorted to seats near the field.

"I guess we're a little overdressed for the Pit tonight," joked Tracey.

Laura, Kristen, and I looked at each other, "Oh, my God! This is a red-letter day, Tracey actually told a joke!" exclaimed Kristen.

We all laughed, as Tracey rarely even spoke. As vocal and emotional as she was while leading cheers, she was equally shy elsewhere else.

We watched as Willi ran across the field with our 6-0 Wolfhounds following close behind.

Mike and Alex came over for a couple of photographs, then they ran back to the team.

We were provided wraps to keep us warm until halftime. The game was another blowout. The Glendale Knights were a .500 team and we had little trouble with them. At half time, we were joined by Alex and Mike and paired up to walk out to the 50-yard-line.

Of course, Alex walked with Kristen. Mike followed with Tracey. Bill Fry escorted Laura, and Chris Taylor took my arm. Chris was pretty cool. He kidded me that the girl's cross-country team was the only sport that drew a smaller crowd than soccer. It was true. Football was king at this school and all other sports combined were a distant second.

I was looking forward to hearing my name called out on the PA, but I was too busy concentrating on not falling on my face as we walked to the center of the field. High heels and turf don't mix. The guys were doing a great job supporting us.

The ceremony only lasted a few minutes, but, as Mrs. Lincoln had advised me, I took in every second and savored it. I wanted to remember this night the rest of my life.

The Wolfhounds continued the beating in the second half. At the end of the 3rd quarter, the coach pulled Alex and Mike and sent them in early to change. They joined us a few minutes before the end of the game.

The plan was for us to be taken over to the dance. Our last official duties were to walk in to open the dance. Then Kristen and Alex would get the first dance solo. Then we would join them for the second dance. After that we were on our own. The only rule was that we had to drop off the dresses, jewelry, and shoes before we left.

The entrance into the dance was pretty cool. It was completely dark except for the spotlight that focused on us as we walked in. Again, the King and Queen entered first. I was very nervous before the first dance. I was as talented a dancer as I was a singer. The only thing that made me feel better was when Chris whispered to me that he "sucked at dancing."

Luckily, it was a slow dance and we stumbled our way through it. After the dance, Chris thanked me and excused himself. I remembered that Cat had told me that he was dating a junior. I was about to look for Paul when I looked out and saw Laura dancing with Cat. They were getting a few looks, but otherwise everyone seemed okay with it.

Just then, I felt someone take my hand. I turned to see Paul and he led me out into the mass of dancers.

"I must tell you that I'm a horrible dancer," I whispered as I leaned close to him.

"Don't worry about it, you more than make up for it by the way you look," he replied.

I smiled and did my best. The combination of my lack of dancing ability and the dress limited my movements. I debated going up to Mrs. Robert's room and changing, but I was enjoying the way I looked too much. Okay, I was a little vain, but I think I'd earned the right to be.

In addition to stepping on Paul's feet, I also tried to dance with several other guys. Because of my "mascot" status with the team, I must have danced with half the football team, including Alex and Mike. Paul didn't mind, in fact he seemed to be taking great pleasure in my suffering.

I ran into Caroline and she was with her date. He was a boy from our photography class. She looked very much at ease with her life now. I was so happy for her.

I saw most of the other contestants. Attendance was mandatory and failure to attend could lead to being dropped. In between dances, I ran into Ms. B.

"You seem to having a wonderful time, Erika."

"I really am, even though I can't dance!"

"I think you're doing fine."

Just then one of the photographers walked by. Ms. B waved him over.

"I would really appreciate a photo with you, Erika," she asked.

"Sure, sounds great," I replied. I had posed with several other people that night, including Paul. Laura had given me instructions on how to pose correctly.

After the shot was taken, Ms. B thanked me, saying she wanted a memento of this evening as a sign of the success of the program.

I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with Paul, Laura, and Cat. Before I knew it, it was time to leave. I danced the last dance with Paul. It was, of course, a slow dance and it felt very romantic.

Laura and I walked up together to Mrs. Roberts's room. Mrs. Lincoln was there to ensure we turned in everything. I carefully took off the gown and placed it on the hanger. The shoes were a bit scuffed from the dance, but I guess that was to be expected. I took off the necklace, tiara, and earrings and placed them in their boxes. It was funny, but I had totally forgotten I was wearing the tiara. It was only after I looked in the mirror that I saw it. It really looked out of place with my denim skirt and white blouse. I didn't bother changing my lingerie. I liked the feel of it against my body.

As I handed my stuff in to Mrs. Lincoln, I felt a bit down. I was sorry the night was over.

"Cheer up now, dear, you'll have other evenings to look forward to. I am very proud of you," she smiled, handing me her card. "When the prom comes around, call me. I have some things that would look lovely on you."

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Lincoln." I threw caution to the wind and leaned over and gave her a hug. To my genuine surprise, she returned my display of emotion and wrapped her arms around me.

I walked back to the gym with Laura; she was also sorry the night was over. We found Cat and Paul talking to Alex, Kristen, and a group of other couples.

"Hey, girls, my parents are throwing a little post-party party in the barn, you want to join us?" asked Alex.

"Absolutely!" exclaimed Laura, perking up.

I rode over to the party with Paul. "So, did I tell you how great you looked tonight?"

"Not in the past ten minutes," I replied.

"I don't know how this will turn out, but it's been worth it so far!"

"I agree!"

After being at the party for an hour, I hit the wall. I suddenly felt very tired and Paul took me home. He parked his bug in our driveway.

"Erika, I really had a great time tonight, and I'm happy I got to share it with you!"

He smiled and took me in his arms. I offered no resistance as he started to kiss me. Suddenly, this all felt so normal and natural. We kissed for several minutes.

"I think I'd better go in." I then leaned over and gave him a short kiss on the lips and walked into the house. I didn't fully understand what was happening, but there was no sense in denying that I was now Paul's girlfriend.

Chapter Nineteen

Early November brought in the first taste of winter and I was totally miserable. It wasn't just cold, but windy and rainy too. For the first time in a while, I missed San Diego. To make matters worse, the rules of the competition still required us to wear skirts or dresses four out of five days a week. Cat was truly enjoying my discomfort. Even with tights on I was freezing.

The cross-country team had finished first in the league and our last meet was the area championship. This would be our last meet as a team. Two of our runners, including Rachael Patton, were going to the state finals. So the area championship would be my last meet. I was looking forward to the meet, but sad at the same time. Being on the team had been a great source of joy to me. Coach Chambers told me that I was more than welcome to try out for the spring track team. She said that I would be a welcome addition. I told her I would be happy to try out, if I was still eligible.

"District rules state that anyone earning a letter in a sport is eligible to try out for other sports. Look, Erika, I know we got you on our team initially through a loophole, but that no longer matters. You also helped this team win a championship, and I fully expect you to help us compete tomorrow. Now, I know there is the issue of the scholarship contest. But is it still an issue for you?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "To be honest, I'm not sure anymore. I am very comfortable with myself right now."

"I suspected as much. Well, be ready for tomorrow's meet and we'll talk about track later."

Paul was waiting for me after practice. I climbed into his VW Bug. I leaned over and he kissed me. I was growing more and more comfortable about dating him. I was now fully accepted in his home and had been to dinner several times since my first combat dinner back in October.

"If you're unhappy now, you're really going to hate it when it gets cold," quipped Paul.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about it. I wish they'd ease up on the dresses and skirts soon. Even the real girls have stopped wearing skirts and dresses!"

"They're trying to weed your group down some more. After all, they can't afford twenty-two scholarships," explained Paul as he drove me home.

"Twenty-two? So we must have lost a couple more!"

"Hey, don't worry about it. Everything happens for a reason," replied Paul.

Paul dropped me off and we kissed good-bye. I walked quickly to the front door and entered.

"Hi, I'm home," I yelled, as I hung up my coat.

"How was practice?" asked Mom as she cut up some chicken breast.

I went into the kitchen, and as I helped her prepare dinner, I told her about school and practice.

We sat down and talked while dinner cooked. It was a chicken and rice casserole. I was excited about the meet and the last regular-season football game Friday evening. We were undefeated and could clinch the league championship against Red Hill, our rival. I began to notice that something was bothering Mom.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"We got a notice in the mail today. Mrs. Martin's assault trial is starting Monday, and they've subpoenaed you as a witness."

The memories of being attacked after the first home game were still fresh.

"I thought she was going to plea-bargain or something?" I exclaimed angrily. I just wanted this whole mess over.

"Apparently, she's claiming self-defense. The DA thinks that she's bluffing and hoping that you and the other witnesses don't show up. He told me that if you show up, she'll probably plead guilty."

"I'll do it. Besides, being in a courtroom can be used as extra credit in my Civics class!"

After dinner, I called Cat and told her about my chance to be a witness. She agreed with my decision to testify, but she warned me to be careful.

"Why? What do you know that I don't?" I asked.

"Jason is very vindictive. He might seek revenge against you. Did you know that he attends Red Hill now?"

"No, I didn't know that. Do you think he'd be stupid enough to show his face around here?" I asked.

"You're right, he's not that stupid. But if we win Friday, we'll play Red Hill again in the first round of the play-offs. The game will be at a neutral site, Pine Valley High. He's not banned from there. If you help put his mom away, he may try something."

"I'll have to tell my mom this!"

"She knows. My mom just told her," confessed Cat.

Naturally, Mom was worried and I had to beg to go to the game. She said that she would call the police in the morning and see if there was anything that could be done.

It didn't seem as cold the next morning; maybe I was getting used to the weather. Then again, I wasn't in a skirt today. Being it was the day of a meet; I could wear my warm-up sweats just like the rest of the team. I was really going to miss cross-country! Paul picked me up and drove me to school. I told him about the trial and the potential problem with Jason. He said that this meant that he would have to drive me everywhere to ensure my safety. I punched him lightly in the shoulder, and then I gave him a kiss.

School always flew by on the days of meets. Because the area championships were being held at the college, we got out of school early that day. It was pretty exciting to see all the top teams from the area. There were several teams from private schools, and they put much more emphasis on the sport. We knew that winning would be difficult. Coach Chambers told us to go out and run our best, and that we'd be winners in her eyes.

As we got in place for the start of the race, we were all pretty amazed by the size of the crowds. We were used to 20-30 students and family at best, and there were several hundred people there.

The team ran a great race. No, we didn't win. We finished fifth overall, which wasn't too bad as there were 21 teams entered. Rachael finished second overall and that was a great victory in itself. I had a good run but was definitely outclassed by many of the runners. I was just happy that I helped us as a team.

After a team photograph, we headed to Guido's for our traditional post-meet pizza party. Emotions were running a little high, as this was our last meet as a team. Coach Chambers stood up and thanked us for our great effort all season. She then named the letter winners. I felt a great sense of pride when my name was called off.

I rode home with Cat and Laura. Unfortunately, Paul couldn't be there as he was starting a new job. Because of his work on the student paper, he'd been selected for a special internship with the local newspaper. He was pretty excited and I was very happy for him, even though I was a bit disappointed that he wasn't at the meet.

With the meet behind us, we were now focused on the football game. My personal historian, Cat, told me that this week was usually filled with pranks. But in recent years some of the pranks had turned nasty. Students were warned that they would be suspended and possibly face criminal charges for any vandalism.

"The police used to turn a blind eye to the pranks, but they got out of hand," Cat informed me.

"Did the retaliation by the team a few years ago have anything to do with it?" I asked. I was referring to an incident in which some Red Hill students assaulted a couple of contestants and the football team went up there and got revenge by beating up the assailants.

"No, the bad blood had started long before that. Last year, a bunch of cars got vandalized during the game up at Red Hill - slashed tires, sugar in the gas tank, stuff like that. Almost caused a riot. Both schools were told to stop it," added Laura.

"And I thought everything was nice and happy out here in the country," I said with a laugh.

"At least we don't have gang wars and drug dealers on campus like California," said Cat.

"You forgot about earthquakes and riots too," added Laura.

"Yes, but at least it's warm there!" I replied.

"Cold? This isn't cold! Wait until January, and then it will be cold!" explained Cat.

"I hope they relax the dress code for us by then. The point has been made: skirts and cold and wind don't mix. I get it. I mean, I haven't seen either of you two wear one in the last couple of weeks."

"Poor baby," sniffed Cat, with a smile, "but you look so cute in them!"

That was it. I resorted to my secret weapon and starting tickling Cat. I soon had her pleading for mercy and forgiveness.

Chapter Twenty

The highlight of the school day was the pep rally during 6th period. The school was smart to cancel classes, as everyone was distracted. In terms of the schedule and the playoffs, the game had little meaning. We knew that we would be playing them again next week. But in terms of pride, the game meant a lot. Alex told us that their goal was to win, without giving too much away for next week. But he hinted that they would try a few plays to plant the seed for next week.

I was showing my spirit that day. I was wearing a long gray skirt, a red turtleneck sweater, and my black leather boots. However, for the game I fully planned to be in jeans. The game time temperature was supposed to be 40. I'll admit it; I'm a California wimp when it comes to weather.

In the Pit, the feeling was electric. I noticed that there were a lot more rent-a-cops at the game, along with many real police. I saw Officer Bell, but he was too far away to see me. I pointed him out to Cat and Laura.

As usual, Willi led the team out. As expected, it was a rather tight game. Both teams played with caution. Next week's victory was more important. The game went into halftime tied at 7-7. I stayed in the Pit instead of walking around. I was a bit worried that Jason might be at the game. Paul told me that the word was out and that if he showed up he would be immediately reported to the cops. Still, I was a bit nervous.

The second half was a bit more exciting. Mike Jackson started it off by returning the kickoff for a touchdown. I had my camera out, but I got too caught up in the excitement of his run and forgot to take any photos! We scored two more times and the final score was 28-14. What was more important was that we were healthy. There was the usual party out at Alex's barn, but it ended earlier than normal, as the coach wanted them focused for the playoffs.

Paul drove me home and waited until I was inside. I appreciated his looking after me. As usual, Mom was waiting up for me. I told her about the game, over a cup of tea.

"So, how is it going between you and Paul?" she asked.

"We're fine, why?"

"I am a little concerned that's all. You two are getting closer all the time. Have you thought about the consequences?" she asked.

"A little."

"How does Paul see you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I took a sip of my tea.

"Look, I'm not judging you or Paul. But is he attracted to you because he sees you as a girl, or as a boy dressed as one?"

I sat there in silence for a moment. "I'm pretty sure he sees me as a girl."

"And the farthest you've gone is kissing?" she asked.

I would have been offended if anyone else was asking me these questions, but my Mom and I had always had a very honest and open relationship, "Yes, that is as far as it has gone, and, yes, we sometimes French kiss."

She smiled. "I just want you to be prepared if and when it gets a bit more serious."

"Oh." I knew what she was talking about. To be honest, it had been on my mind lately. Sexually, as a male, I was still a virgin; I had tried to lose it, but had been very unsuccessful. Oh, I'd had some sexual experience. I'd dated a girl who gave me a few hand jobs and even oral once. Now it occurred to me that I might soon be in her position.

"Look honey, it's normal to want to explore your sexual curiosity. I just want you to be safe."

"I appreciate your concern."

"I think that you and Paul do make a nice couple by the way," she added.

"None of this bothers you, even slightly?" I asked. I figured that, since we were having a heart to heart talk, anything was fair game.

"Concerned, yes; bothered, no. I think you are on a path of self- discovery. I'm here to help you, but you must find it on your own. Besides, you seem to be doing what is natural and right for you. To be upset with you for that, would be like being upset with you for having nicer hair than me," she answered with a smile.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. With that we embraced and had a long hug.

"So, how long have you been jealous of my hair?" I asked with a laugh.

Chapter Twenty-One

I was held out of school Monday because of the trial. I was nervous, but also excited. It was egotistical, but it would be fun to be the center of attention. Mom told me I watched too much TV.

Mom ensured that I dressed up and looked professional. I was in a skirt and matching jacket. I was wearing a white blouse underneath. She checked my makeup and was pleased. She told me that the cross- examination might get nasty and personal.

"I hadn't thought of that," I replied.

"Hmm, maybe you haven't been watching too much TV! They always badger the victim in those shows."

"Thanks for making me feel better. Gee, now I remember all those horrible bedtime stories you told me that traumatized me when I was younger!" I replied sarcastically.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!" she added with a smile.

We arrived in the court and were briefed by the DA. He told me that he would present his list of potential witnesses in the opening brief. He told us he'd be shocked if she didn't try to cop a plea.

I looked around the court and saw many people I knew. Mrs. Lee was there too. I think a lot of them were there to see Mrs. Martin get knocked down a notch. She had bullied and threatened the community for years, and now her enemies were there to see her fall. I almost felt sorry for her. I was more pissed with Jason. He was sitting behind her table with the rest of his family. He looked over my way once and glared at me. I returned it with my best stare. Childish, yes, but I wasn't going to cower in front of him again.

The judge entered and we all stood up. I was keeping notes. I wasn't kidding when I told Mom that I could get credit for being here. She asked if I'd get credit if I were the defendant.

As promised, the DA went through the list of potential witnesses and said that he planned to show four different videos of the assault. Mrs. Martin looked back and saw the packed courtroom. I watched as she whispered to her lawyer. He stood up and requested a conference with the judge and the DA. The court was placed in recess. The DA looked over at us and winked. I'd leave that out of my report.

Thirty minutes later, they returned. Mrs. Martin stood up and changed her plea to guilty. She was sentenced to sixty days in jail, two years probation, and 300 hours of community service. The sixty days in jail would be suspended if she attended anger management classes.

I heard some in the crowd complain that she got off lightly. I was okay with the sentence. I felt Jason staring at me as we walked out. I decided to ignore him and kept my back turned toward him.

"Well, since this finished so early, I imagine you'll be coming back to class," stated Mrs. Lee. "I'll be happy to give Erika a lift to school, Ms. Walters."

"Great! Couldn't I get a suspended sentence too?" I quipped, as I walked out with my principal.

Actually, we had a pretty good conversation on the way back to school. She told me how proud she was of the way I had fit into the class. I had to admit that knowing that she was following my activities made me feel good. We both hoped that this incident was over.

I arrived just time for lunch. I received a lot of compliments for my outfit.

"So, the trial ended before you could testify?" asked Laura.

"Yes. I think she accepted defeat when she saw the crowd there to get their pound of flesh. She could have faced a stiffer sentence if she was found guilty by a jury."

"Speaking of a 'pound of flesh,' I think that's what they're serving today in the lunch line!" quipped Cat.

There was an immediate chorus of groans.

"That joke was below even Erika's standards," stated Laura.

"I thought it was funny," I told Cat, "although the portions seem closer to an ounce here."

"See," replied Cat, "a pound's more than an ounce, so my joke is above Erika's!"

We all groaned again.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. The buildup to the game was making concentrating on class work hard. Luckily, the team seemed focused and didn't appear to be caught up in the hype.

The night of the game we drove over to Pine Valley. Laura was at the wheel, even though Paul had volunteered. For some reason, no one wanted to sit in the back of his Bug. The drive to Pine Valley took an hour. When we arrived, they directed us to our lot. To avoid problems, the teams and their fans were kept separate. The stands were packed and the Pit was formed around the 40-yard line.

By having the better record, we were considered the "home team." Red Hill came out first with their mascot leading the way. They had a student in a hawk costume. He looked so lame compared to Willi as he ran out before the team.

We took the lead halfway through the first quarter on a thirty-yard pass by Alex. The Hawks fought back and soon had first and goal from the two-yard line. This time, it was Alex waving my old shirt above his head. I don't know if it was the reason or not, but the defense stiffened. After two rushing attempts, Red Hill lost three yards. On third down they attempted a screen pass to their running back. Mike sprinted in and intercepted the ball and returned it 94 yards for a touchdown. We were screaming and jumping up and down during his whole touchdown run.

The score seemed to break Red Hill's back, as they never came close to scoring again. We added two more scores and won 28-0. We were now going to the championship game vs. Crawford High. The game would be played at the local college next Saturday.

The road trip to Alex's barn was a joy. I felt so relieved, not only had we won but there'd been no sign of Jason. Paul told me that there were guys stationed all around us at the game, just hoping that he would show up and try to cause some trouble.

"Did you arrange it?" I asked him.

"No, it was set up by Alex and Mike, your guardian angels. Not that they were needed, because I was there to protect you!"

"I believe you would," I remarked as I leaned over and kissed him.

"You guys are sick," joked Laura.

"Yes, I agree with her. Why can't you be normal like us!" added Cat, who then leaned over and kissed Laura on the cheek.

"Hey, keep your eyes on the road. I can read tomorrow's headlines 'Four Students Killed in Car Accident: Police believe lesbian lust was cause'," joked Paul.

"Maybe, but I'm sure the story would focus on you two lovebirds," quipped Cat.

The party was fun but subdued. The team knew that they had to be ready for next week's game vs. the Mudlarks.

"Just what the hell is a Mudlark?" asked Mike.

"It's the local name for a songbird," answered Cat.

"Oooooh! Look out! Here come the vicious songbirds!" laughed Mike

"We'll just sic Willi on them," added one of the linemen.

"The only bird Willi would attack is a chicken sandwich," added Alex. "Let's keep focused. They are also undefeated and they're the defending champions. So, they're pretty tough birds. We didn't come this far to lose now!"

The room got silent as the team nodded in approval. I could see why Alex was the team leader.

On the way home, I asked Cat when she was going to try out for some game show.

"Maybe I should. I do have a wealth of useless knowledge in my head."

I knew that she had more than useless knowledge. She had a 4.0 GPA and was in the running for class valedictorian. She'd applied to several Ivy League schools and was in line for several scholarships.

Laura dropped Cat and me off at her house. She wanted to show me something. I kissed Paul goodbye and gave Laura a hug. We went into Cat's house and she showed me a letter from Cornell University inviting her to apply.

"Wow! That's fantastic!" I said as I gave her a long hug. We went into her room and accessed their website. She said she had time to make up her mind and that she was expecting a few more letters. Cat then asked me if I'd gotten anything back from schools I applied to.

"I won't be going to school unless I get this scholarship, we can't afford it. If I don't, then it looks like community college until I get some student loans," I explained.

"I know you will, besides, at worst you'll tie with Caroline. She told me last week about her decision. I think it's wonderful."

"So do I. I have to get home. See you tomorrow."

"You okay?" she asked.

I smiled back. "Yes, no problems."

I cut across the yard towards my house; it had been a great evening.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When I agreed to write my story down, I knew this would be one of the most difficult parts to write. My friends and family all agreed that I needed to include it in this account of my life in high school. I agreed with their advice, as it really happened and it had a huge impact on my life.

As I crossed the yard, I was suddenly knocked to the ground. I never heard him coming, and I was caught completely by surprise. I didn't have time to scream out, as someone was sitting on top of me, and he was holding something sharp to my throat.

"If you want to live, bitch, don't make a sound," he whispered. There was a vicious tone to his voice. I felt the blade press closer to my throat. I offered no resistance.
He was wearing a black ski mask and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He then took out a roll of duct tape and taped my mouth shut. Then he rolled me over on my stomach, pulled my hands behind my back, and taped my hands together. Looking back, I don't know why I didn't fight back against him. He then pulled me to my feet and led me through the back yard and through the yard of the house behind us. He led me to a beat-up white van and pushed me in. He then taped my ankles together.

We drove away. I was praying that someone had seen us. Hopefully, he would be pulled over by the police. I knew it had to be Jason, and I had never felt so terrified in my whole life.

After driving around for a while, he pulled off the road. From what I could tell from my position, we were behind the strip mall, maybe five miles from my home.

He pulled me up to my knees and stared at me. I couldn't see his face, but I was still trying to memorize anything possible so I could identify him later; that is, if I lived.

He moved closer to me and I could see him smiling. I noticed that his right front tooth was chipped. I searched my memory to try and remember if Jason had a chipped tooth.

"So, bitch, you want to be a chick; well then, let's see how you can please a real man," he sneered.

To my horror, he unzipped and dropped his pants. He turned around the passenger side seat and sat down. He pulled me closer and then he began to stroke his cock.

I shook my head vigorously, but that only seemed to excite him more.

"Now, slut, get any crazy ideas out of your head, I'll kill you in a second if you try and bite me. I also don't want a peep out of you, except any moans of pleasure!"

There was no way out; I had to do whatever I could in order to survive, and so I could get my revenge. Yes, you bastard you are going to pay, I thought.

He moved my head closer to his cock and then he pulled the tape off my mouth. He pushed me closer. "Open your mouth, bitch," he demanded.

I tried to focus on anything else as he used me. I felt tears dripping down my face as he worked my head back and forth. I noticed that he had a large mole just to the right of his navel and I concentrated on it. I also prayed for help. He climaxed in my mouth and then pulled out and finished shooting his cum all over my face.

He reapplied the tape and pushed me back. He wasn't just content to use me, but he wanted to humiliate me too. I forced myself to remember every single detail. If I survived, I wanted to put him away.

As he sat there, I saw him take a drink from a bottle of something in a brown bag. The last thing I needed was for him to get drunk! He stood up and reached down and pulled me up. He then punched me in the face. He repeated this several times. Taking a drink in between punches.

He tired of this game after a few blows. By now, I couldn't see out of my right eye, and I could feel blood dripping out of my nose. In fact, my whole face hurt. I felt a growing fear that he would kill me.

He then rolled me over on my back. I felt him cut the tape from my ankles and he pulled my legs apart. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong. I felt him pull down my jeans and then my panties and gaff.

"Don't struggle, bitch, I know you want thish," he exclaimed, slurring his words.

I kept telling myself that this wasn't happening, and at the same time hoping it would be over soon.

I felt him wipe something cold and slick between my legs. I felt him press against me and violate me. There was no pleasure, only pain, fear, anger, rage, and hatred. Yes, I truly hated him and wished him dead. My hatred kept me going through it all. I felt him in me. I felt my tears pouring down my face. I tasted blood in my mouth. He then finished and pulled out of me. He pulled up his pants and took another drink as I lay there.

"Maybe I should just cut off your useless little cock; sluts like you don't need one of their own. You can always get some guy to fuck you!" he growled. He then pressed the knife against my male organs.

I held my breath and waited. Would this be how my life ended?

Thankfully, he pulled the knife back and then he then reached down and pulled up my jeans. "Now I'm going to be nice and let you go. Be a good little slut and go home and don't tell anyone," he ordered.

Unwillingly, I nodded - anything to appease him. He grabbed me and pulled me out the back door. I was dragged across the ground. He then lifted me up and tossed me onto the edge of a dumpster. I caught a glance at his van and made out the color and make. It was a white Ford van. I even saw the last three numbers of the plate. He then pushed me in. I found myself on my back surrounded by trash.

"Thish is what happens to trash, you slut!" he laughed, as he pulled away.

I waited until I heard the van drive away. I fought to get on my feet and, after twenty minutes, I worked my way out of the dumpster. Thankfully, he hadn't taped my ankles again. I knew I had to get away, just in case he changed his mind and came back. He had already raped me, he might decide to come back and kill me.

I was cold and in pain, but my mind was clear. Hate does keep the mind clear; it also kept me from passing out. I stumbled to the road and looked for help. It was difficult, as I could only see out of my left eye. I was able to pull the tape away from my mouth. I tried to get the tape off my wrists. Unfortunately, he had taped them too well. I looked around and tried not to panic. It was late and there were no cars in sight. I saw an apartment building in the distance, and I stumbled towards it.

I started shivering uncontrollable. I guess it was a combination of the cold and being so scared. I was terrified by the possibility of Jason returning.

Then I saw the headlights of an 18-wheeler approaching. I jumped up and down to get his attention. The sound of his air brakes was the most beautiful sound I could have heard. My legs immediately went weak, and I fell to the ground. I also started crying uncontrollably, almost hysterically. I guess it was from relief.

The trucker ran over to me. His eyes told me that I must have looked like hell.
He carried me over to his truck and carefully set me down. First, he called for help on his radio, and then he gently loosened the tape around my wrists.

"Help is coming, Missy. Hang in there," he comforted, as he cradled me in his huge arms.

Within minutes, I was in an ambulance and heading to the ER. I tried to tell the policeman everything. I wanted him to get the bastard. He radioed my description of my attacker and the van. He also called for a rape investigator to meet us at the hospital. As the EMT worked on me, I relaxed a little and then the pain of what had happened swept through me. I was now a rape victim!

The EMT was very calm and soothing and did his best to help me. The policeman was also very sensitive to what had happened to me. He apologized as they took samples from my face. I nodded and tried to say that it was okay. I wanted them to have evidence so they could get him.

I was taken into the ER and examined. The doctor was very nice. He told me that my nose might be broken and I had a post-traumatic shock. There was a cut above my right eye, which needed stitches. He told me not to worry, as the scar should blend nicely into my eyebrow. He promised that I would look fine. The eye wasn't injured and he put a cold pack on it to bring down the swelling. I also had a few bruised ribs. I wasn't sure how I'd hurt them. It had to have happened either during the initial attack or when I thrown into the dumpster.

He had to do a total exam, due to the nature of the attack. He worked with a policewoman trained to gather rape evidence. She had to take swabs from my mouth and my rear. The doctor told me that I might have some bleeding for the next few days. Additionally, he ordered the nurse to give me some medication for the pain.

They were both very cool and understanding. A detective came in and continued the questioning. The female police officer also took photos of my face and all the damage. I lost all track of time and have no idea how long they questioned me.

After they'd gotten the evidence they needed, they let Mom in to see me. Of course, she cried as she tried to comfort me. The doctor said that they were going to keep me overnight for observation.

By the time they moved me up to a room, the drugs had pretty much taken their effect. The physical pain was deadened, but the emotional pain was still strong. I gave in and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Three

When I woke up, I was disoriented. There was an IV in my arm. I looked around the room and saw Mom asleep in a chair pulled up next to my bed. I also noticed Cat, Laura, and Terri asleep in other chairs.

I tried to sit up. I felt so stiff and sore. My nose and eye hurt, and I reached up to touch them. I didn't want to wake anyone, so I pressed the button for the nurse.

The nurse came in and smiled. "Well, I'm happy to see you're awake. How can I help you, dear?"

I tried to smile, but it hurt too much. "Can I have something to drink, please?"

"Sure, I'll be right back. I'll also tell the doctor you're awake," she announced.

I noticed that everyone was now waking up. "Good morning," I greeted them softly.

I still felt like hell, but having my friends and family there made me feel better. Nobody wanted to break the silence.

"I know I must look bad, but please, someone say something," I pleaded softly. I needed to hear their voices.

That broke the ice. They immediately expressed their concern for me.

"When did you guys get here?" I asked, as I slowly sat up.

"We drove your mom here. Laura arrived shortly afterwards with everyone else," explained Cat.

"Everyone else?" I looked around the room.

The nurse came in and brought me a sports bottle filled with water. Thankfully, it had a straw built in. As I took a sip, I winced from the pain in my lips and jaw. The nurse then showed me how to adjust the bed.

"That reminds me, I'll go let them know you're okay," stated Laura. She got up and walked out of the room.

I looked over at Cat. "Who else is here?"

"The waiting room is packed with your friends," announced Mom, "including Paul."

"The word got out pretty fast, and they just started arriving," added Terri.

The doctor came in and checked my injuries. He said that the nurse would be in to remove the IV and she would also give me my medication. He wanted to get an x-ray of my face before he discharged me. He was concerned about my eye socket and also my nose. Fortunately, my teeth were all fine. He said he'd review the x-rays and I should be discharged in the afternoon, but that he wanted me to be back at the end of the week.

He reviewed the chart. "I'll need to remove your sutures, and check your other injuries. I should also have your test results back."

"Test results?" asked Mom.

"Yes, we had to test for HIV and any other STDs. It's standard in all rape cases," he explained. "There'll be a counselor here later to talk with you. I'll see you later, Erika."

As he left, I took a deep breath. "The good news just keeps coming doesn't it?" The reality of the situation hit me hard, and I started to cry.

Mom reached over and hugged me. I finally let it all out and started sobbing. I couldn't stop. I was angry, hurt, humiliated, frightened, and numerous other emotions. They all came pouring out in a stream of tears. Terri and Cat came over and put their hands on me. I don't know how long I cried; it seemed like hours.

"That felt good," I announced as I slowly regained my composure. I tried to smile but it still hurt. I also knew those wouldn't be the last tears I'd shed over this.

The nurse came in and removed the IV. She gave me my pain pills and explained their dosage. She said that she'd be back in an hour to take me to the x-ray room.

After she left, I told them all what had happened. Cat then told me that the police were looking for me when the trucker radioed in for help. She said that, after I left her house, she'd noticed that I'd left my purse in her room, and she called over and found that I had never gotten home. When they went outside, they saw the area on the ground where I had been tackled and found some duct tape. They immediately ran in and called the police.

"Do you think it was Jason?" Mom asked.

"I never saw his face, but he was the right size and shape. He obviously knew me and wanted to hurt me and humiliate me."

"Well, the police are looking for him and his van," Cat informed me.

"Not to change the subject, but can you help me up? I need to see how bad I look," I replied.

"Are you sure, honey?" Mom asked in a concerned tone. The look on her face told me that I looked pretty bad.

"Yes, knowing is better than imagining, and right now my imagination is running in overdrive."

They helped me up, and I walked stiffly over to the mirror. I really looked dreadful. My right eye was still swollen shut and was all multicolored. I saw the sutures near my right eyebrow. My nose was swollen and slightly bent. My lips were split and swollen.

"I suppose that it could be worse. This could have happened the week of homecoming," I quipped. On the outside I was trying to be brave. Inside, I felt like screaming.

I excused myself and used the bathroom. The doctor was right; there was a little bleeding. I went back to my bed and sat down on the end of the bed. Mom sat next to me and I rested my head on her shoulder. Thankfully, she sat on my left side.

Laura came back in. "I told everyone that you were awake, and that you appreciate them coming here, but that you wouldn't be taking visitors right now. As your self-appointed press secretary, I told them that I'd keep them updated on your status by e-mail."

"Thanks. By the way, please tell them not to waste their money on buying flowers or anything like that. I'm not dead yet."

"Sure thing, Erika. Paul is still out there. Do you want to see him?" asked Laura.

I sat there a moment. "Sure, just give me a second to get something on."

Cat grabbed my robe and helped me into it. I sat back down on the side of the bed.

Laura came back in with Paul. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink all night.

"Hi," I said, putting my hand up and waving slightly. "You look like you could use some sleep."

"I don't know what to say," he said. Paul's face said it all. He was running a range of emotions too.

"There's a first," I stated, trying to smile.

"Give her a hug, you idiot," exclaimed Cat.

Laura pushed him towards me. He came over and gently wrapped his arms around me.

"I promised that I would protect you. I'm so sorry I failed you. I'm sorry," he exclaimed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I replied. I felt more tears forming.

The nurse came back and ran everyone out except Mom. A detective from the police force and a state trooper came in.

"Hello, Erika, I'm Detective Bill Parker and this is Sgt. John Webb. We need to ask you a few more questions about last night."

The few questions became much more than that. For the next two hours, I told them what had happened and tried to include every detail possible. I searched my mind for everything that might be useful.

Detective Parker closed his notebook and stood up. "I think we've got everything we need for now. We'll keep you informed of our progress. I just want to thank you for being so observant. We'll get him, I promise you that. I also want you to know that your being in the contest has absolutely no bearing on our investigation. We are treating this with the same priority as we would any other sexual assault."

The nurse was waiting for them to leave. They apologized for running a bit late. She pushed in a wheelchair.

"I can walk there myself, thanks," I announced, looking at the chair.

The nurse shook her head and pointed at the chair. "I'm sure you'd try, but you don't have a say in this. Please get in the chair. I've seen people in better shape than you pass out, and you've already been through enough."

I tried to smile and then moved into the chair. She wheeled me down to the X-ray room. The technician was very thoughtful and tried to minimize the pain as he moved me around. He was done in twenty minutes, and I was on my way back to my room.

When I returned, there was a woman talking to Mom. She was in her thirties and had her light brown hair pinned up. She was wearing a Penn State sweatshirt, jeans, and hiking boots. When she turned around, I could see she was also wearing glasses.

"Erika, this is Dr. Jennifer McCall and she needs to talk to you,"

"Please, call me Jenny," she stated as she held out her hand.

I was still in the wheelchair. I started to get up to greet her.

"Please, stay seated. As you've probably guessed, I'm the counselor you were told about."

As we started to talk, Mom got up and left. "It's okay, Erika, I asked her to leave. I prefer to conduct the first sessions without other people in the room."

We talked for over an hour. I immediately felt I could trust her. She explained that I would have good days and bad days, and not to expect to get over this quickly. She recommended that I see her weekly at first and then, if I felt comfortable, she would get me into group counseling. I asked her how they would feel about me being in the group. She said that they would be okay.

We talked about the range of emotions running through me, and she said that it was very common in someone experiencing a traumatic event. I asked her if these feelings and emotions would fade. She smiled and said that they do, but it takes time.

"How long?" I asked, trying to smile.

"It varies from person to person. You may never get over all of it, but you'll learn to live with it. You seem strong, adaptable, and you obviously have a lot of people who care about you. Don't try to get over this by yourself. It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help, but a sign of strength."

"I never thought this would happen to me."

"No one ever does, Erika. Here's my card, call me anytime; I mean it."

"Thank you very much. You've already helped me." I looked at the card. It was another physical reminder of how my life had changed.

She gave me a hug. "I know you think that your case is different because of your true gender, but I've helped other girls like you who have been attacked."

After she left, Mom walked back with the doctor. "Well, to start with, your eye socket is fine. We'll see how your nose looks after the swelling goes down. I can recommend an excellent plastic surgeon who can make any needed corrections. You're free to go home anytime. Now, if you have any problems, don't hesitate to come back in. See you Friday at 3:00. Take care, Erika." He then turned around and walked out.

"I hope you got all that," I said to Mom.

"Yes, I did. The important thing is that you can go home. We brought you some clean clothes. Besides, all your old things were taken as evidence," explained Mom.

"Okay, makes sense. Any word from the police?" I asked as I got dressed. I saw that she'd brought my favorite sweatshirt. I slipped on my panties and then my bra. I was happy that she'd brought my other set of breast pads.

"No, nothing yet."

"So, did they need my boobs for evidence too?" I asked, as I slipped on my jeans.

"Let me check, they gave me a list of what they kept. That's odd, they only list one. That means the other one may have come out during the attack."

She phoned the police and told the detective of this latest bit of information.

I slipped on my socks and loafers. I then looked in the mirror. Mom handed me a brush. I tried to brush my hair, but even that hurt. Still, I made myself look a little better. The rest of my face looked like I'd just been in a boxing match.

Mom stood behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "The bruises will fade, honey."

"I know, I'm not worried about them," I answered softly.

"Sure, I understand," comforted Mom, as she leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead.

The nurse came back in. "So, you look ready to go home, have a seat," she ordered, pointing to the chair. "Hospital rules, dear."

Cat, Laura, Paul, and Terri were waiting for us downstairs. I was wheeled outside and we waited for Terri to go get the car. It was cloudy and cold. The sky was a hard gray and there was a strong wind blowing that normally I'd have found unpleasant. That day the cold air felt so clean and refreshing. I stood up and turned in the direction of the wind. I closed my eyes and stood there with the wind blowing past me. I wanted it to wash through me and blow away my pain and troubles.

"Honey, the car is here," announced Mom, snapping me out of my trance.

I nodded and got inside.

Laura and Paul followed in his Bug. It felt good to be going home.

Chapter Twenty-Four

We arrived home, and as I walked slowly towards the house I looked at the place where I'd been attacked. There was still a wrapping of yellow police tape surrounding the area.

"How long will that be there?" I asked.

Mom took my hand and led me into the house. "I'll call the police about it when we get in."

I started feeling really tired, and once we were inside I told everyone that I wanted to take a nap. At the same time I didn't want to be alone, so I crashed on the couch.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt really dopey from the pain pills and it took me a few seconds to clear my head. There was some momentary panic, and I thought I was alone. Then I heard voices from the kitchen and it reassured me. Jenny was right, my friends and family were an asset.

"Hi, guys. What time is it?" I asked, as I shuffled into the kitchen. My mind was foggy and I wondered if it was still Saturday.

"It's only 6:30 in the evening. How do you feel?" asked Mom.

I looked around and saw Cat, Terri, Laura, and Paul sitting there looking at me. "Better."

"Are you hungry? We were about to send out for some pizza," said Mom.

"Sounds good. I actually feel hungry, I guess that's a good sign," I said as I took a seat next to Cat. I realized that I hadn't eaten all day.

"Yes, it is," agreed Terri.

Cat went and called out for the pizza. A minute later the phone rang.

"I'll bet they are checking to see if we really just ordered three pizzas," quipped Paul.

Cat answered it. "Walters residence, may I help you? Yes, just a moment. It's the police," said Cat, handing the phone to Mom.

"This is Ms. Walters," said Mom. She listened for what seemed like hours. "Well, thank you very much, I'll tell her immediately. Thank you very much."

"Well?" I asked nervously.

"They got him," she announced softly, as she put her hand on my shoulder.

There was total silence. All I could do was let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank God," exclaimed Terri.

"Was it Jason?" I asked.

"Yes. He was arrested up in New York. They think he was heading to Buffalo and then Canada. They found evidence in his van that ties him to the crime. In addition, the three numbers you saw matched up with his plate."

"Good," I sighed. One less worry to deal with. I'd been so afraid that he would come back.

"They said that there will be a news conference on TV around 7:00PM. They wanted us to know so we weren't caught by surprise," explained Mom.

"Well, put the TV on. I have no problem watching it," I remarked. I suddenly felt really hungry.

The pizzas arrived shortly before the news conference started.

My jaw still hurt, but I was willing to put up with the discomfort, as I was famished and the pizza was excellent.

"There's a police car sitting out front," Paul informed us.

I looked over at Mom. I wondered what was wrong.

"It's okay. He's there in case the media break their rules and try to bug us," explained Mom. The press said they had an agreement that they wouldn't try to interview or videotape any rape victim, especially one who was only 17. But with the potential scandal aspect of this case, there was a chance that they might violate their own rules.

"Should I take him some pizza?" asked Paul.

"I'll take it to him, I want to thank every policeman I see," I announced.

Paul walked down with me. The cold air felt very good for a change. He joked that if I fell, he could be Lassie and run for help. As we approached, the officer rolled down his window.

"We thought you might be hungry, and I want to thank all of you," I stated as I handed him some pizza and a coke.

"You're welcome. We're glad we got him. So, you hanging in there?" he asked.

"Doing better, thanks. Take care."

When we got inside, the press conference still hadn't started. Laura was just hanging up the phone. "Your mom said it was okay to start putting the word out."

"Hey, you're just doing your job, you're my press secretary. I really appreciate everyone's concern, and I'll lean on you guys when I need some help."

"It's starting," announced Cat.

Major crimes in our town were rare, and my rape had quickly become big news. The police chief read a prepared statement concerning the arrest of Jason Martin, age 19. Charges were being prepared and they planned to charge him with rape, kidnapping, and felonious assault. Additionally, they'd found drugs in his van. He was being transported back to Golden Hill and was expected to be held without bail.

"He'll be locked up for a long time," stated Terri to no one in particular.

He then opened it up for questions. Thankfully, they didn't mention my name. My status in the contest was brought up, and whether it would make a difference in the charges. The police chief said absolutely not. He went on to say that this was a violent crime that deserved to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of the circumstances of the victim. He also stressed that the press should respect my privacy.

"It's really strange listening to someone describing you in such vague terms," said Cat.

"I know," I replied.

I was starting to feel a bit sleepy again. The pain pills not only killed the pain but also really made me sleepy.

I woke up the next morning on the couch. I felt a bit more refreshed and not as sore. I got up and saw Mom asleep in a chair. I put a blanket over her. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 5:00 AM. I went upstairs and took a shower. I did my best to keep my stitches dry. It made shampooing my hair very difficult. The swelling was down a little around my eye, and I could see slightly out of it. The colors around my eye were even more varied. My nose was still very sore. I was also developing two impressive black eyes.

I still had a little bit of bleeding - well, how do I put this politely? - from my butt. The doctor had said that there might be a little bit of bleeding on and off for a few days. I laughed a little, thinking that I now had a reason to wear pads. I looked at myself in the mirror and stared. I decided right then that I would get through this. I would not give the bastard the pleasure of knowing he'd hurt me.

I stepped into my room and got dressed. I put on a bra and panties. I slipped in my boobs. I put on a gray Wolfhound t-shirt and then my team sweats. I wanted comfort clothes right now. I logged onto my computer and checked my e-mail. There were over 200 new messages. It was a little overwhelming, and I had to hold back the tears.

I went downstairs and put the kettle on the stove and turned on the burner. I checked on Mom and she was still asleep. I put in a teabag, English breakfast, and some sugar in my mug and poured the hot water. I wrote a note telling Mom I was upstairs. I added some milk to my tea, and then I picked it up and walked to the stairs. I did a quick check on the front door lock. It was still locked. I noticed that it was the third time that morning that I'd checked the lock.

I went into my room and started to read my mail. I was amazed by the concern. I had mail from students, staff, and friends in town and even some who I had no idea of who they were. I went through each one and at least replied with a thank-you, even if I didn't know them that well.

I gave more detailed responses to close friends. I wrote a long response to Caroline. I also told her that I wanted to ask her some questions sometime about her decision. I saw a message from Coach Chambers, and I told her I was sitting in my sweats right now and how safe and secure I felt in them. There was also a message from Ms. B. I wrote a very lengthy response to her. I even told her about Jenny.

After an hour, I was through about a third of the mail. I was interrupted by knocking at my door.

"Honey, is everything okay?" asked Mom.

"Yes, come on in." I went back to typing.

"Honey, you need to unlock the door," she explained.

I got up and opened the door. "Sorry, I didn't realize I'd locked it,"

"That's okay. That's a common reaction. How're you feeling this morning?"

"Better, thanks. I'm going through my mail. I'm kind of blown away by the response. I don't even know some of them. By the way, did you get an address for the truck driver who found me? I want to send him a thank you note."

"I'll get it for you. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd love to thank him myself."

"Thanks."

She pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "I talked to Mrs. Lee yesterday, she says that you can stay home as long as you need to. They'll bring your assignments."

"Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to get right back to school. I need to stay busy. I know that the first day back will be a little overwhelming, but I have to do it."

"I see. Let's play it by ear then. We'll see how you feel later today. So, do you feel like eating?"

"Sure, pancakes would really hit the spot," I replied with a smile.

"Okay, I'm going to a grab a shower and get dressed first. I'll call you when they're ready. Do you want me to lock your door on the way out?"

"Not necessary, but thanks for asking."

I worked on responding to my mail. I then wrote one to Paul. I asked him for a favor. Around thirty minutes later, I got his response. He wrote that it was a great idea and it would be ready later in the afternoon. He said he'd bring it by around 5:00 PM. He also told me that his family wished me the best.

I went downstairs and found Mom preparing breakfast. I looked out the front door and saw that the paper was on the front step. I didn't see the police, but then I didn't see any news vans. I opened up the front door and picked up the paper. I was pleased to see that the little yellow fence was gone. I closed and locked the door.

In the local section, Jason's arrest was the top story. I read the article even though it brought back a lot of bad memories. I was sticking to my plan of not running away from this.

"Get this, the article says that Jason's lawyer claims that it was consensual and that Jason didn't know my true gender until after the act. The assault was just a normal response from a shocked young man. He also claims that Jason was the true victim. You don't think that anyone will believe this bull?"

"His lawyer will have to try something, but you have the truth on your side. Plus, the very fact that he attacked you once before kind of makes his whole argument moot," remarked Mom.

"If he's hoping that I'll be intimidated then he's highly mistaken!" I could feel my rage growing.

"That's exactly what I was hoping you'd say."

Chapter Twenty-Five

Breakfast was excellent and it really hit the spot. It also calmed me down. I felt almost normal. I helped Mom to clean up.

"I have something to tell you. I want you to know that the events of this weekend just helped me accept that it's the right decision. I want to stay as Erika. I want to be a girl." There, I'd said it. I looked at Mom and tried to gauge her reaction.

"I've been waiting for this for several weeks. I've suspected that you've been struggling with this for a while. I fully support your decision, and I'll be here for you." Mom leaned over and gave me a long gentle hug.

"I'll just go through the rest of the year like Caroline. I don't see any reason to make this public yet. Besides, everyone treats me like a girl anyway."

"Are you going to tell anyone else?" asked Mom.

"I'll tell Cat and Terri, but I don't think they'll be surprised. I'll also tell Paul, Laura, and Caroline. But again, I think they may have known before I did."

"What about Ms. Bell?" asked Mom.

"Yes, I owe her that," I said.

I spent the rest of the day grabbing naps and answering mail. The physical pain was decreasing. I told Mom about the favor I'd asked of Paul. She thought it was funny, appropriate, and consistent with my personality.

Terri and Cat made lasagna for dinner and brought it over. There was enough for a small army. Luckily, Laura and Paul showed up. Paul slipped me a bag and I took it upstairs and inspected it. It was just what I wanted.

"So, what's the big secret?" asked Laura.

"I want to save it for tomorrow," I said.

"You're not serious about going back to school tomorrow, are you?" asked Terri.

"I'm planning on it. I need to be around people. If I stay home, I'll have too much time to think. I want to stay busy."

"Yes, but can you make it through the day?" asked a concerned Laura.

"I don't know, but I want to try," I answered firmly.

Laura looked at me as if I was crazy. "I don't agree with your logic, but I'll be there for you."

"So will I," added Cat.

"Me, too!" stated Paul.

The dinner was great. Jenny was right, my friends and family were a great source of strength.

After dinner, I told them all that I was going to stay Erika. The responses were interesting. They all supported my decision and didn't seem that surprised. Cat and Terri were like "what's the big deal?" Laura was giddy and so happy for me. Paul looked very content and pleased with my decision.

We made plans for tomorrow. Laura and Paul would meet us here and we'd all ride in together.

I walked Paul to the door. "So, I take it you approve of my decision to stay as Erika?"

He glanced back at the kitchen, then he gently kissed me on my swollen lips. "I was so afraid I had lost you. Yes, I'm very happy," he said. "Well, get some sleep; it'll be a long day."

We kissed one last time.

"So, I guess you'll be going to school without any makeup tomorrow," added Laura.

I smiled a little. It was still a bit painful. "I doubt if even those makeup artists from homecoming could cover all this up." The bruises were spreading out, and the whole right side of my face was multicolored and still a bit swollen. I was also bruised beneath my left eye.

"You do have a rather unique look," added Cat.

"There's also a part of me that wants everyone to see this. Especially after the crap that bastard's lawyer is putting out. I want everyone in school to see me and to tell their parents and friends," I said angrily. I felt tears forming in my eyes

"I see that we still have a little anger issue," stated Cat with a smile. She handed me the box of tissues.

"You'd better have a few of those with you tomorrow," suggested Laura.

"You mean tissues? I plan to," I replied.

"Actually I was thinking that you should have several boxes with you!" joked Laura.

They left a few minutes later. I felt so lucky to have them for friends

Mom suggested that I take a long hot bath before going to bed. I followed her advice and she was right, it really relaxed me. As I lay there, I reflected on the weekend and the highs and lows. I decided that overall the good outweighed the bad.

Chapter Twenty-Six

I had a little trouble getting out of bed and even more trouble waking up. Maybe I was pushing this too soon. No, I knew I had to do this. My multicolored face in the mirror greeted me in the mirror. The swelling was down, and I could see out of both eyes completely for the first time since my attack. I also saw my raccoon eyes. I had two very black eyes. The doctor had said that some of the bruises might come in delayed. After showering, I got dressed. I put on one of my long denim skirts and my long black boots. I put on my bra and slipped in my boobs. I thought about starting hormones in a few months and it gave me a smile. I slipped on a top, then I put on the sweatshirt that Paul had made me. I liked it.

"You up for this, dear? I can take the day off if necessary," asked Mom.

"I'd rather you save your days off for something fun. Thanks, but I feel good enough to get through this." I appreciated her concern, but I just had to go to school. I wanted to show everyone that Jason hadn't crushed me.

"Alright, honey, but you have my number; call me if you change your mind." Mom then leaned over and kissed me.

There was a knock at the front door.

"That should be Cat!" I walked over to the door and looked out the peephole. I was right, it was Cat. I unlocked the door and let her in.

"Good morning," she greeted as she walked in. "Oh, I love your makeup, but why did you stop with the right side?"

"I ran out of makeup."

She nodded approvingly at my sweatshirt. "You plan on wearing that all day?" she asked, laughing.

"Yep!" I turned around so she could see the back.

Cat laughed even louder. "I approve 100 percent."

We saw Laura pull up in the driveway. Paul was with her.

"Bye, Mom." She gave me a long gentle hug.

The last time I'd felt this nervous was the first day of school back in August. But this was different. I had to go to school today. I wanted to prove to everyone, and especially myself, that I wasn't a weak, vulnerable victim.

"You ready to do this?" asked Laura, as she put her arm around my shoulders.

"Yes, let's go!" I replied.

As I stated earlier, major crimes in Golden Hill were rare. The fact that one had involved a high school student was big news, and I was sure everyone had heard what had happened to me.

I was slightly overwhelmed by the stares as I walked to homeroom. I could feel every eye on me, and I could almost feel it as they pointed at me. I got to my locker and took off my coat and grabbed my books and put them in my bag. As I walked down the hall, their eyes were drawn to my shirt. I could see their stares turn to smiles. I saw them nod at me and some gave me the thumbs up. I could hear some laughs as they read the back.

Laura came up and read my shirt and smiled. "Leave it you to make a joke out of this. I'm so proud of you," she said as she hugged me.

The sweatshirt stated in large red letters, "I FEEL MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU!" and on the back it said, "I FEEL BETTER THAN I LOOK!"

I reached homeroom and waited outside until Cat and Paul caught up.

"How're you holding up?" asked Cat.

I could hear the concern in her voice. "Okay. My emotions are pretty loose right now. Well, let's get it over with!"

We walked in and all heads turned to me. I sat down next to Cat. I was a little surprised by their reactions. I didn't expect them to be silent. I was about to tell them that it was okay to talk to me when Mr. Grant asked the whole class to step out into the hall. I joined the line out and he pulled me out.

"Miss Walters, I need you to sit here for a minute," stated Mr. Grant.

He stood between door and me. There was a knock and he looked at me and smiled. "Okay, would you follow me, please?"

Out in the hallway there was a mass of humanity. It looked like the entire senior class and much of the staff. They then stepped aside and revealed a large banner taped to the lockers. It was nearly five feet long, and there were flowers forming a border. It was filled with messages of encouragement and best wishes from the students and staff. I completely lost it. But at least this time they were tears of joy and not fear, anger, or hatred.

Laura and Cat handed me tissues. I tried in vain to regain control of my emotions.

"I can't express what this means to me. This is unbelievable. Thank you all so much. I also want to thank those who spent Friday night and early Saturday morning in the Golden Hill Hospital waiting room. It really gave me a boost when I heard you were there. I was told that one of my assets that would help me through this was my friends; and I know that I can count on every one of you, just as you can always count on me. Thank you!"

They then swamped me. Luckily Cat, Paul, and Laura were there to protect me. I was still a little fragile physically, and I didn't want to get crushed.

Paul and Laura rolled up the banner for me and I put it in my locker. I was twenty minutes late for English, but then again so was every other senior.

Chapter Twenty-Six

By lunch, I was near total exhaustion, but I was determined to make it through the whole day. Actually I only had one more class. I'd been excused from PE for the next few weeks. Coach Chambers had arranged for me to work for Ms. B in the front office. It would also allow me to talk to her.

Ms. B. was very understanding and saw that I was beat. She let me just sit and relax.

"I like your sweatshirt, was that your idea?" she asked.

"Yes." I then went into my reasons for wanting to be in school today.

"I fully understand, but remember that you're only human. Don't push yourself too hard. I'd hate to see you come crashing down."

I then told her about my decision to stay as Erika.

She smiled and told me she was happy that I'd discovered the real me. She said she'd known weeks ago. "I wouldn't worry about telling your friends; from the response today, I'd say that everyone has pretty much accepted you as Erika."

"You know, I'd like to be able to tell one person who didn't know this before me," I stated in mock anger.

"Erika, I've been observing students like you for several years. Now that you have come forward, I can let you in on a little secret, but you must not tell anyone. Do you promise?" she asked.

"Absolutely. I swear not to tell anyone," I said.

"Well, I don't run this program entirely by myself. There are other teachers and staff who assist and who provide me with reports. We're not just looking for violations, but we're also looking for girls like you. We know that there are boys entering the competition whose true nature comes out once they are involved, and some may be entering because they have a conflict with their gender. Part of my job is to help them in their transition and make it as smooth as possible, but we do not directly contact them until they come to us. We're not recruiting anyone. We watch, we observe, and we try to protect."

"Was I the first to get raped?" I asked.

"Yes, and hopefully the last. There was no way to foresee that Jason Martin was so deranged. I hope that you don't hold that against us?" she asked.

I shook my head. "The only person I blame is in jail. So, is finding and helping people like me the main reason for the contest?

"No, it's kind of a fringe benefit. I'll let you know more about the main reasons later."

I was fighting to stay awake, and I guess that she noticed as I tried to hold in a yawn.

"Erika, you look exhausted. Let me drive you home. I'll get word to your friends."

I offered no argument. She was right; I was totally burned out. I really needed to sleep. I also wanted to read the banner, but sleep won out. Actually, I fell asleep in her car going home. I stumbled towards the house and waved goodbye. I was happy to see that she waited until I was in the house before driving away. I went into the family room and crashed on the couch.

Mom woke me up for dinner. We just warmed up some of the leftover lasagna. I showed her the banner and told her how it was presented to me.

"No one will tell me who instigated it, but maybe that's for the best." I had already picked a place in my room to hang it.

A few minutes later, Mom told me that the DA had called and wanted to know if I could stop by for some more questions. Without any hesitation I said yes.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We went in on Tuesday afternoon after school. I wore a dress, pantyhose, and high heels. I still didn't bother with makeup. Even though the swelling was down, in some ways I looked worse. My black eyes complemented the rest of my bruises quite nicely. My other reason for not using makeup was that I wanted the DA to see what Jason had done to me.

After we arrived, a female officer took Mom and me into an interrogation room. The officer explained that it's the DA's official policy that whenever a male is questioning a woman, a female officer must be present.

I felt good knowing that the DA was treating me as a woman, even though he knew that I was physically male.

The DA was very nice. He was the same one who had prosecuted the case against Jason's mother. His name was Sam Warren. He told me that he really appreciated my help. Because of my age, he was hesitant about me taking the stand at trial, and he wanted to avoid the necessity of my having to testify before the grand jury if at all possible. I told him that I wanted to ensure that Jason was put away for a long time.

Sam explained what would happen.

"Erika, this session will be videotaped and will be used in the grand jury hearing. That is when I'll present evidence concerning your case. The grand jury will then decide if there is sufficient evidence to indict Jason. It's a legal formality, and I want to reassure you that we have a very strong case," explained Sam.

"What happens next?" I asked.

"If they decide to indict Jason, he will be arraigned before a judge, and he'll be officially notified of the charges against him. He will then be allowed to enter a plea, if he desires," continued Sam.

"Where will this happen?" I asked.

"In an open courtroom."

"Do I have to be there?" I asked.

"No, that's not required."

"Will the video be enough, or will she have to testify before the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"The video should be enough. We have a lot of physical evidence to support the charges," stated Sam. "Again, let me reassure you that we have a very strong case."

"Let's do it," I stated.

Sam nodded. "Ms. Walters, you may stay here, but I need you to sit behind Erika and not speak to her while I'm questioning her. We don't want the defense to think that you coached Erika."

"I understand," replied Mom. She stood up and sat down next to the policewoman.

"You ready, Erika?" asked Sam.

I nodded.

The video camera was turned on and he swore me in. I gave my full male name, but Sam addressed me as Erika. I truly appreciated that!

He said that they were building a very strong case against Jason. He asked me if I was sure about the mole on his stomach. I told him that I was and that it was to the right of his bellybutton. I also described the size and shape.

"Is that to the right from your point of view, or to his own right?" asked Sam.

"Oh! From my point of view as I was looking at him. I was hoping it was cancerous as I stared at it," I added.

He smirked slightly at my comment and then he showed me a photo of Jason's stomach. There was the mole, just as I'd remembered it.

He then asked me what was the other main thing I remembered about him. I replied that it was his chipped right front tooth.

He asked me to describe it in as much detail as possible. I closed my eyes and tried to picture it.

"It's chipped on the outside corner of his right front tooth. It's smooth and looks like it happened a while ago."

He took out several pictures of front teeth and asked me if I recognized any of them. I focused in on one right away. I picked it up and stared at it.

"This is it," I answered positively.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positively. I focused on it while he was cursing me out and after each time he hit me."

He turned the photo over and stated, "The witness has identified photo B, which is the photo taken of suspect Jason Martin," he said. He turned off the camera and then he looked at the mirror on the wall and smiled.

I looked at the mirror and asked who was behind there. He smiled and said no one anymore. He said that one of his assistants and also the lawyer for the defendant had been back there.

"I'm hoping he'll go back to his client and recommend that he plead guilty. I wanted him to see how tough you will be on the stand and that it would be a grave mistake to try to discredit you. Once we get the DNA evidence processed, it will be a grand slam."

"Good. So do you think that they'll want to go to trial?" I asked

"That is what I'd advise. They might offer a plea bargain, but I doubt it. But the defendant is a psycho. I think he'll go to trial just for the attention and the hope that his lawyer can discredit you. We'll get a better idea of their plans at the arraignment. I must warn you that rape trials are very trying on the victim. What you read in the paper is just a taste of what they will try. But I will be there for you. You won't be alone."

"I'll still do it. You can tell his lawyer that I am not backing down. Jason tried to humiliate and break me and he failed."

"Good. We'll stay in contact. I don't expect to go to trial until spring. I'm fighting to keep him locked up until then," he added. "His attempted flight to Canada makes it fairly likely that the judge will not grant him bail."

"Thank you very much."

Mom's cell phone began to ring and she excused herself. I stayed and talked to Sam until she returned. I figured it was someone from work calling her.

I was very quiet on the way home.

"Penny for your thoughts, honey?" asked Mom.

"I was just thinking that I won't get peace until he's convicted. I also think that he's going to try to humiliate me, but I can't let him win."

"I just got some good news from the hospital, your lab tests all came back clean. They do want to repeat them again in a few weeks, just to be positive, but it looks good. We still have to go in Friday to get your sutures removed."

I let out a long sigh. "That's a relief. I just want to get back to school. I want my biggest worry to be the championship game and getting good grades." But deep down I knew that it wouldn't be that simple.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I continued to try to put the assault behind me. On the outside my bruises were fading, but inside I was still in turmoil - not enough to stop me from functioning, but it was always there.

Thankfully, the upcoming football game on Saturday served as a much needed distraction. We were playing the Crawford Mudlarks for the championship. The game was being played at the local college. Their stadium held 20,000, and from what I'd heard the game would be a sellout. The game was being touted as the biggest game in years. I fully planned to be there. Laura had arranged for tickets for the entire Pit.

On Thursday, I talked with Caroline during photography class. I asked her if she wanted to get together after school. I wanted to tell her about my decision to remain as Erika, and I didn't want to "out" her in class accidentally. Instead we talked about the cartoons that she and Paul wrote together. They were always current and often hilarious. No one was sacred, but they didn't allow it to get mean-spirited. I was very happy to see her get the recognition from her peers that she deserved.

She said that she'd love to get together and that she'd stop by my house around 4:00.

She smiled at me. "I think I know what you want to talk about."

I smiled back. Just once, I'd like to be able to find someone who hadn't figured this out before me, I thought.

I caught a ride home with Paul. He was on his way to his job with the local paper. I was pleased that he waited until I was inside the house before he drove off. I was a bit skittish about my security. Mom said that it was a normal response; still, I planned to talk to my counselor, Jenny McCall, tomorrow afternoon. Before my session, I first had to go to the doctor and have the sutures near my right eyebrow removed. I hoped that the doctor was right and that the scar wouldn't be too noticeable.

Caroline arrived a little after 4:00 and we went into the kitchen. I was drinking a cup of hot tea and I offered her some.

"That's okay, do you have something cold?" asked Caroline.

I looked in the fridge and ran through the inventory. She decided on a Diet Coke.

"So, tell me all about your decision!" she stated.

"You aren't even going to let me try to surprise you?" I responded.

"Nope!" she said, sipping her soda.

I smiled. "Well, I'd been thinking more and more about it in the past few weeks. For all practical purposes, I knew that I was Erika and to return to my past life would be difficult. I was getting ready to tell my mom when the attack happened," I paused for a moment. I felt myself choking up a bit, and my eyes were feeling moist. I felt Caroline's hand holding mine. I looked up and smiled at her. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You need to let it out occasionally," comforted Caroline.

I grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears. "Thanks. Anyway, the attack just reaffirmed my decision. I definitely know that this is my path in life. I talked with Ms. B and she was very helpful and supportive."

We talked for another hour and then she had to take off. I walked her to the door and waved good-bye. I watched her drive off and then I closed and locked the front door.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I had a major dose of conflicting emotions on Friday. I was excited about the game and the pep rally that was taking place during fifth and sixth periods. However, there was the dose of reality of having to see the doctor and then to see Jenny, my therapist and counselor.

I swung by the competition display cases and saw that we were down to eighteen contestants. I scanned the faces. I soon realized that I only knew a few of them. There were a few that I didn't even know their names. I then got a brainstorm and walked over to Ms. B's office. She totally agreed with me that the remaining members of the group were not very close. She liked my idea of us having a weekly group meeting and that she would schedule one next week.

"We tried it a few years ago and it didn't work, but this year looks different. Usually we're in single digits by now, but since we have such a big group I think it will work. Thank you, Erika."

In Civics we got the great news that we had to submit our topic for our research paper on Monday. I really liked our teacher. His name was Mr. Kline, and he was sort of an aging hippie. I think he was in his late fifties, and he still wore his hair in a long gray ponytail and usually wore jeans and t-shirts. He really tried to get us to expand our minds and to make us form actual opinions.

I walked up to him after class. "Excuse me, Mr. Kline, I was wondering if I could do my paper on the judicial system? Specifically, I want to focus on the process that the state uses from the crime to the actual trial."

He looked at me and smiled. "Hmmm, I wonder why you want to do that?" he stated in a slightly sarcastic tone. "Yes, Erica, that would be an excellent topic for you. Now tell me, what's your opinion on the way your case has been handled?"

Another thing I liked about Mr. Kline was that he treated us like adults. "I'm impressed with the DA, Mr. Warren. He seems very concerned with my rights and feelings."

"Has he told you about the way defense lawyers treat rape victims?" he asked in a concerned manner.

"Yes. He told me that they would prepare me when we get closer to trial. He's hoping that the other side offers a deal, but he isn't too optimistic."

"Well, I have some contacts with a few victims' rights groups, and I'll let them know about your situation. They might be able to provide some help. They have some excellent experts that your DA might be interested in using. I know this will be very difficult for you. Feel free to drop in anytime you need to talk."

"Thank you. I truly appreciate your concern."

I thought that it hadn't been a bad day so far. It was also nice that it didn't hurt as much to smile.

The pep rally was awesome. We all piled into the gym. The band was playing so loud that you could actually feel it. I waved to Kristen and Tracey. I saw that Rachael was back. She'd been at the State Championships and had been out of town since Saturday. She had placed second overall, and they were going to honor her during the pep rally. I saw she was waving at me, and I got out of my seat and walked down to her.

"Erika, I was so shocked when I heard what happened," she greeted me as she carefully hugged me.

"Your taking second place gave me a lift."

"That reminds me, I want to show you this." She opened up her bag and showed me her shoes. She had written my initials on her shoes. "I did this to honor you at the meet. I think it gave me luck."

"Thank you." I started to wipe my eyes. Rachael was also crying. We then both started laughing. We hugged and I went back to my seat. It was still a pretty good day.

Chapter Thirty

After the pep rally, I rode with Mom to the hospital. The doctor was pleased to see me. He examined my face and seemed happy with my progress. He took out the sutures and put a new bandage on it. He also asked me about some other issues. I told him that I hadn't had any bleeding since Monday morning. He then told me that the test results on Jason had also come back negative. He went into his desk and pulled out some information on plastic surgery and he handed it to Mom. Personally, I didn't think my nose looked that bad.

We then stopped at Jenny's office. It was located in a small medical complex near the hospital. The receptionist had me take a seat and fill out a form. I only had to wait a few minutes before I was taken back to see Jenny.

She was more dressed up than the last time I'd seen her. She was wearing a gray skirt, a white blouse, and a black blazer.

"So, tell me how you feel and remember, you don't have to hold back and give an answer you think that I want to hear," she asked with a smile.

"Thanks, actually I'm doing okay, as long as I'm with other people, or when I'm really busy. Being alone, or just having free time to think is pretty tough. As tired as I was all week, I'm glad I went to school."

She had me tell her all about the past few days and what was going through my mind. It was nice to have someone I could talk to who I could be totally open with. We even talked about my initial contact with the DA. She also told me to set aside time to relax.

"Will it be as bad as he said it will when I'm cross-examined?" I asked.

"No, it could be much worse. I know the lawyer defending Jason. He can be very brutal. He will bring up any detail that might make the jury think that you brought this on yourself. He has already shown his hand a bit, and your being a transsexual will be a major issue," stated Jenny. She saw my surprise at her calling me a transsexual. "Jean Bell is a very old and dear friend. She called me and we discussed your situation at great length. She obviously thinks a lot of you. I hope you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind, in fact it makes me feel a bit better."

"Anyway, you can expect to be dragged through the mud. His actions will be like a second assault. I understand the legal concept of fighting for your client; I don't understand the cruel way in which it is often done. That's why many rape victims won't even report the crime or take the stand, even when it means the attacker will get off."

"I will be ready. I want to see him locked up for as long as legally possible."

"Good. You will have a chance to make a victim's statement at the end of the trial. It can be your chance to tell him what you think. Let's continue this next week at the same time; is that good for you?"

I nodded. "Yes, that sounds good. Thank you, again!"

Chapter Thirty-One

I met Mom outside in the waiting area and we made the next appointment. As we drove home, I talked to her about my session.

"You don't have to talk about this unless you want to, honey."

"I don't mind and it helps me to express my thoughts. You can even pretend to listen if you want."

"Sounds good. I'll nod occasionally and say something like yes or hmmmm or okay. I'll just pretend I'm you when I'm lecturing you on something."

I broke out in laughter. It felt good.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. There was a phone message from a Mrs. Lincoln for you this afternoon. She wants you to call her back. She was wondering if you'd be interested in working for her as a salesgirl in one of her shops. So, who is she?"

I smiled thinking about the best way to describe Mrs. Lincoln. "She was the woman who provided the gowns for Homecoming. She is unique. She dresses and speaks very formally and everything is perfect. She comes off as being a bit of a snob, but she's really very sweet."

"Do you think that you might want to work for her? It could be a great opportunity."

"Well, I do have free time, now that cross-country is over. Coach has asked me to go out for track, but that won't be until spring. I'd rather be doing something other than just sit around. I just wonder if she'd want me as a salesgirl now, being I look rather gruesome."

"You do not look gruesome, and the bruises are fading. I think you should call her."

When we got home, I found the message and called her. "Good evening, Mrs. Lincoln, this is Erika Walters and I'm returning your call."

"Erika, oh yes, thank you for being so prompt. I would like to hire you as a salesgirl for my store at the Golden Hill Mall. I believe that is only a mile away from your home. I would need you three days a week, 6:00-9:00PM, and Sunday afternoon 12:00-5:00PM. You will be required to be well dressed and well groomed. I will see to the clothing. I provide all my employees with outfits to model during their shifts. I would like you to start Monday. I need to get you trained before the holiday rush starts."

I was caught off-guard by her offer. From the sound of it, she had already made up her mind.

"It sounds great, but I don't think that I am presently qualified." Before I could finish she interrupted me.

"Nonsense. I saw the way you handled yourself at that school event of yours. You can more than handle the position I am offering you."

"It's not that. I don't know if you heard, but I was attacked this past weekend and I got beat up really badly. I'm afraid I'd frighten your customers."

"Nonsense, child. I will be at the Golden Hill store for another hour. You come down here and we'll talk. I expect to see you soon. Good- bye."

I hung up the phone and shook my head. I told Mom what she'd said and I asked her for the keys to the car.

"You up to going by yourself? Why don't I join you? We can grab dinner down there afterwards."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Okay." But I was relieved to have her come along.

Chapter Thirty-Two

I changed before going over. I put on a nicer skirt and sweater. I also put on my favorite black boots. I figured she'd take one look at my face and come up with some polite excuse. I tried to estimate how long it would take for them to all fade away. Anyway, it would it be a few weeks at least.

On the way over, Mom asked me if I was nervous about seeing Mrs. Lincoln.

"No, I was just thinking about the attack. I am so angry that he took away my freedom and left me with fear."

"You'll get your confidence back; it will take time, and it is all part of the healing process."

We walked into the mall and over to Mrs. Lincoln's store. We agreed to meet in an hour by the Chinese restaurant. I went in and asked to see Mrs. Lincoln. The sales woman walked me to the back. We stopped outside a door and she told me to wait outside.

She knocked and entered. "Excuse me, Mrs. Lincoln. The young lady you were expecting has arrived." She turned to me and smiled. "Go right in."

I entered and found Mrs. Lincoln getting up from her desk. Her office was just like her, it was beautiful and extremely orderly with everything in place.

"Good evening, Erika, please have a seat. Now, let me take a look at you."

She stood up and walked around and looked at my face. She appeared to be taking mental notes as she inspected the damage.

"He definitely seems to have done a thorough job. Still, I see that the bruises are showing signs of fading. Your nose is a bit crooked, but it isn't bad. That scar above your right eye should heal in time. No, I see no reason why this unfortunate incident should stop you from working for me. By midweek, we should be able to cover much of the damage with makeup."

I let out a slight sigh of relief.

Sensing my release of relief, she smiled softly at me. "Dear, I am not trivializing what happened to you. You were attacked and violated in a most heinous way. That will take time to recover from. In the meantime, you have to go on with your life. I still want to hire you. But I want you to get one thing, I am not hiring you out of pity. I also will not cut you any slack. You showed me something back in October, and I believe that you have great potential."

I waited a second to see if she was really done or just grabbing a breath. "I accept your offer. I'm really looking forward to working for you."

"Excellent. I knew that you would see it my way," she stated. Mrs. Lincoln proceeded to talk to me for the next thirty minutes about what she expected from her sales force. She sounded demanding, but fair. I had to admit that the idea of wearing expensive outfits every day at work sounded like fun. I was told that I would start Monday and she expected to see me here at 5:45 PM.

Chapter Thirty-Three

I met Mom just outside the restaurant. I told her that I now had a job and that I was starting on Monday. As we ate our dinner, Mom noticed a couple sitting at a nearby table staring at me. I had seen them too, but was trying to ignore them. The woman had pointed at me and then leaned over to the man and whispered something to him. He would then look over at us and then whisper back to her.

It was really annoying and distracting. I could feel them both looking at me and I turned towards them. They quickly turned away and pretended to be talking about something. As soon as I looked away, they started staring at me again.

I finally had enough and turned around suddenly. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked sweetly.

At first, they were at a loss for words. My question had obviously caught them off guard.

Finally the woman spoke. "I'm sorry to be so rude, but are you the girl who was attacked this past weekend?" she asked in a low, soft voice.

I fought my instinct to give her a sarcastic answer. "Yes, I am."

"I thought it was you. I'm glad to see you are doing better than the last time I saw you," she explained.

"I'm sorry, should I know you?" I asked. I was taken aback by her response. How did she know me?

She smiled. "I told Bill that you didn't remember me, very few do. I'm Officer Nina Robbins; I was in the ER with you last week."

Then it hit me, she was the policewoman who was assigned to collect evidence of the assault. I instantly broke out in a huge smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. I do remember your kindness and how you treated me. Thank you for being so understanding. By the way, I'm Erika and this is my mom."

"It's a real pleasure to meet you. I'm Jill Walters," Mom greeted them, extending her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Jill, this is my husband, Bill. You should be very proud of Erika, as she gave us a very detailed description of the perpetrator and his vehicle. That is why we were able to catch him so quickly."

"I'm very proud of her," beamed Mom.

Bill had the staff move our tables together so we could continue our conversation a little more comfortably. We found out that Bill was also a policeman and had just been promoted to detective. I was thinking that, thanks to the Martins, I now knew half the police force - well, maybe not half. It was the only good thing about meeting them, I felt.

It was a fun evening. I thought that overall it had been a very good day. Jenny had told me to take things slowly, so a good day was something to be cherished.

Chapter Thirty-Four

I woke up Saturday morning and eagerly got ready for the game. I showered and did my new daily ritual of checking the progress of my recovery. I still looked bad, but at least the bruises were fading. I looked at the bottle of pain pills and was glad that I didn't need them anymore. It had been three days since I had last taken one. My ribs were still a little sore, but I had gotten used to that. Also, my nose still hurt a little, but not enough for drugs. The scar above my right eye was still gross looking. Still, I looked a lot better than I had a week ago. My body had an involuntary shiver at the thought of my assault. I started to slip into feelings of self-pity and "why me?" but I quickly ran those ideas out of my brain. Overall, I was having an above average school year and, without this incident, it would be a great year. Still, it was hard not to get a crime as personal as this one was out of my mind.

I slipped on my jeans and put on my bra and boobs. I must admit the idea of having my own, real boobs was pretty exciting. I had done some online research about hormones and how long they would take to cause change. Caroline and I were planning to ask Ms. B if we could start sooner than April. I wouldn't risk the scholarship, but I wanted to get started as soon as possible. I slipped on a red turtleneck top and then my new Wolfhound sweatshirt. My old one was sitting in a police evidence room along with my favorite pair of jeans.

I went downstairs and joined Mom at the breakfast table. I asked her if she was sure about not coming to the game. She told me that she'd never really liked football and that she liked being out in the cold watching even less. She said that she was going to get some quiet time in. I knew there was a better reason, but I decided not to press her. I suspected it had something to do with my father.

Cat called and said that everyone was meeting at her place around 10:00. I told her about the job and meeting Nina in the Chinese restaurant. Cat told me that she was seriously thinking of going into law enforcement. I was stunned, as I had thought she was capable of so much more. But then she said that she wanted to focus on the science and forensic investigation side of police work. I asked her why the sudden career decision, and she told me that she had been thinking about it for a while, but she'd made up her mind after my attack. She liked the idea of helping nail people like Jason.

I had no trouble going over to Cat's house. The fact that I took the long route and did not cut across the yard was very logical. It was to avoid getting mud on my shoes. No, even I didn't believe that one. I was happy that I did walk over without an escort, so we'll call that a victory.

Laura and Paul arrived a few minutes later. We were so excited. The Wolfhounds just had to win this game. I really needed us to win. That may sound selfish, but I really didn't need any more disappointment in my life.

We arrived at the stadium and parked the car. The crowd was unbelievable. The game had attracted a lot of football fans from all over the area. Many figured that both starting quarterbacks were going to be at major universities and that they might end up in the pros, so this game could one day achieve legendary status.

We found our seats and did what we had done all season; that was to stand for the whole game. Thankfully, they didn't put the adults near us. I'm sure that they would have complained about our standing and our noise level.

We watched the familiar sight of Willi leading out the Wolfhounds. The team seemed really focused. Then came the returning champions onto the field. The Mudlarks also looked very focused.

Both teams played the first quarter very carefully and conservatively. We were slowly winning the battle of field position, due to our great punting. Paul kept pointing this out to me. I let him go. I didn't want to tell him that I had played football in Junior High. Why burst his bubble?

The game was 0-0 at the end of the first quarter. During the delay, I looked around the Pit. I saw Caroline and waved to her. Then I felt someone tapping my shoulder. It was Rachael. She had a huge smile on her face.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked.

"Here, use these. Look at their feet," said Rachael, handing me a pair of binoculars.

I looked through them and focused on the feet of the team. I could just make out a small EW on many of their shoes.

"I showed Alex what I had done to my shoes for the meet, and he thought it was a great idea and that he would do it too. I guess it kind of caught on," she said.

"Thank you, Rachael. You just made my day!" I replied, barely holding back my tears.

"Hey, you really won me and the rest of the team over. I doubt if you know this, but the team wasn't very happy when Coach first brought you on the team. Some of the girls were ready to quit. But, when we saw that you just wanted to help the team, we changed our minds. I am really happy and very proud to call you a teammate."

I gave her a hug and thanked her again. Thankfully, the game started up again and prevented us from making an even bigger emotional display. We had the ball around our 40-yard line when Alex threw a long pass. We hadn't noticed that Mike had been brought into the game as a receiver. With his speed, he easily outran the defender and caught the ball at their 20. He sprinted into the end zone for a touchdown. The Pit went ballistic. We were all jumping up and down and screaming. I had to be careful not to get hit in the nose. The last place I wanted to end up today was the ER.

The Mudlarks took the kickoff and moved up the field. They crossed midfield and were starting to get their offense going. Then we caught a break. Their receiver slipped and fell down on a timing play, and the only player near the ball was Mike. He easily won the race to the end zone, and, just like that, we had a two-touchdown lead!

There was no more scoring in the first half. We felt good about having the lead, but Chris Taylor pointed out that Crawford was trailing last year and scored on all of their four possessions in the second half to win the championship. I knew that there was no way that our team would fold. I thought about their little tribute to me. I was glad that no one else had noticed it; they didn't do it for attention or to look good to the rest of the school. Rachael promised not to tell anyone else.

We kicked off to start the second half. It was up to the defense now. The Mudlark's QB was really good; fortunately his receivers couldn't catch a cold. They dropped several easy balls. We began to sense that this could be our day.

We got the ball back and moved slowly up the field. Obviously, we were trying to take as much time off the clock as possible, while keeping possession of the ball. We were on their 35 and the coach put Mike in again as a wide receiver. They immediately double-teamed him and this left our running back wide open. He came out of the backfield and ran out on the opposite side of Mike. Alex faked a pass deep to Mike and then tossed a screen pass to the RB. There was no one near him, and he easily ran in for the score.

The Mudlarks tried to come back and they did mount a late drive in the fourth quarter but it stalled inside our 10-yard line. Even if they scored, there was less than two minutes left on the clock. The defense was not about to give up their shutout without a fight. Crawford's last chance to score was a fourth down play from our 2-yard line. Alex was waving the remnants of my old t-shirt. I looked at it and that incident seemed like years ago.

Their QB tried to throw a short pass to their tight end, but he was covered and, when he threw to their secondary receiver, Mike intercepted the pass. There was no one near him and everyone thought he would run it back for a final score. He could have easily run it back for a TD, as the receiver was on the ground and there wasn't another Mudlark near him, but instead he took a knee in the end zone. There was no need to rub Crawford's nose in the dirt. The clock showed only thirty seconds left. That show of sportsmanship by Mike was the most impressive thing I had seen him do all year.

Alex led the offense out for one last play, and then the celebration started. It felt great to be jumping around like a total idiot. To this very day, thinking about that victory brings a smile to my face. I can close my eyes and picture us all celebrating that wonderful season.

Chapter Thirty-Five

We headed out to the barn for the party. I admit that being part of the inner circle was really cool. I know that I initially got in because of Cat, but now I was totally accepted.

Alex's parents had the place all decorated in the school's colors. There were red and silver streamers and balloons all over the place. I ran into Mike and Tracey almost immediately. She was still a little uncomfortable around me, but then again she was pretty shy when she wasn't being a cheerleader. I congratulated Mike on a great season and a great game. I then thanked him for the little tribute.

"I only wish I had hit that bastard harder when I had the chance. Oh! By the way, we are going to place your old torn shirt in the display case with the game ball. It is now part of school history."

"Thanks for the honor. I doubt anyone will know why there is a rag in the display case ten years from now, but I will always remember it."

I thought about how important this season had been to me. Being in the Pit was my weekly therapy and I would miss it.

I finally got close to Alex and thanked him for what he had done. He smiled and gave me a hug, I winced a little as he grabbed me around the waist, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want everyone to think I was fragile.

Everyone was still in shock, as the victory hadn't really sunk in yet. Yes, there was celebrating and everyone was happy, but there was also a look of disbelief in many people's eyes. I don't think that the magnitude of our victory sank in until the next day.

There were other parties going on, but we decided to go back to my house instead. We picked up a few pizzas on the way for dinner. We talked about the upcoming Thanksgiving break and where everyone was going. This was the last full week of school. The following week we had only two days of class.

Paul and his family were driving to his grandparents in Harrisburg. Laura and her family were going to Pittsburgh for a big family get- together. Cat and I were staying put, and our families were doing a small dinner together with our moms.

Then Cat looked over at Laura and gave her a look. Laura nodded and then said, "Sure, I'd rather you tell them."

"Laura and I have a little announcement. We have decided to stop seeing each other. We would rather just be good friends right now," explained Cat.

"Neither of us was ready for a long relationship, and we felt it was better to end it now than to lose our friendship too," added Laura.

I got up and hugged both of them. Paul also expressed his support.

After Paul and Laura left, I talked with Cat in private.

"So, how do you feel? It actually feels good to be the one asking that question for a change," I quipped.

Cat smiled. "I'm okay with it. It was very stressful on Laura and her family. I know that our feelings were genuine and not some sort of experiment. I love her, but I'm content to have her as a friend."

"That's cool," I replied. "If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am always here for you. It's the least I can do, after all you've done for me."

"Thanks, Erika, I appreciate it. While we're on the topic, how are you and Paul doing? I've noticed you aren't as romantic. I saw that you didn't kiss him good-bye."

"You should become an investigator; I guess it may have something to do with the attack. I just feel uncomfortable when he gets romantic. I know he can tell that something is wrong. He's very sweet and caring and I don't want to hurt him. It's not fair! He did nothing wrong, and I am punishing him. I'm wondering if we should split up," I vented.

"I'm not telling you what to do, but it might be wise. You need time to heal. But you can't push away those who love you. I think you should tell him how you feel. Maybe you can work through this, or maybe you'll just stay friends. But if you don't talk, then it will end badly. Both of you deserve better than that."

"How did you become so wise?"

Cat smiled and we hugged again. After she left, I thought about what she had said. The more I thought about it, I knew she was right. I decided to call Paul in the morning and sit down and talk. I put this down as another casualty of Jason's attack.

**************

The next day I called Paul. He seemed to know exactly why I was calling, even though he didn't say it.

He came over around 1:00 and we sat down in the kitchen. I decided to be straightforward and tell him exactly how I felt. He sat there and listened.

"I'm really sorry. You are very special to me, but I just don't think I can return your affection right now."

"I understand, Erika. I sensed it all this week. I want to do what is good for you. If you just want to be friends for now, I understand. But this doesn't mean I'm happy about it. When you are ready, I'll be there. I've never seen you as anyone other than a beautiful girl. I am just so angry at that bastard, I could kill him!"

'You'll have to get in line behind me. So, we are still friends?"

"Please! I will always be your friend, even if we don't get back together."

"Thanks. I won't be offended if you want to date other people. There's no reason for both of us to suffer."

"Let's not worry about that for now. Let's just consider this a break of undetermined length. Do you mind if I give you a hug?"

"No, in fact I really need one - just don't press too hard, my ribs are still sore," I asked, fighting back tears.

He gently took me in his arms and held me. We both knew that this was the right thing to do, but why then did it feel so bad?

He held me for a long time. When we pulled away, I reached for the box of tissues. He sat there in silence.

"I guess I'd better get going. You still want a lift to school tomorrow?" he asked.

"Sure, I'm still a California wimp; I don't think I could survive the walk in the cold. Thank you for understanding."

He smiled. "I wouldn't call it understanding, rather accepting."

We walked to the front door and I watched him drive away. I turned around and saw Mom walking down the stairs.

"So now what?" I asked, as I brushed a tear away.

She smiled and came down the stairs and put her arm around me. "Well, honey, I've always found that ice cream works at times like this." She put her arm around my shoulders and led me into the kitchen.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I arrived at Mrs. Lincoln's store at 5:40PM. I had no intention of being late for my first day of work. I was wearing a dark blue skirt, matching jacket and a white silk blouse. I was even wearing pantyhose! I checked my face in my compact mirror before entering. The bruises on my face were slowly fading; they were still visible, even though I had spent a lot of time trying to cover them with makeup.

I was looking forward to starting my new job, as I needed something to throw myself into. I didn't want free time to think about the assault or breaking up with Paul. I knew that breaking up with Paul was the right decision, but it still hurt. Now, I just needed to get into being a normal teenager - well, make that a semi-normal teenager, as I knew that I'd never be really normal! Besides, being normal was overrated.

Mrs. Lincoln seemed pleased to see that I was on time. She introduced me to one of the women standing by the front counter, "Erika, I would like you to meet Cindy Ziegler, she is my store manager and she will be your supervisor."

"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Ziegler," I greeted her.

"Thank, you Erika," Ms. Ziegler turned to Mrs. Lincoln and said, "Polite. That is very refreshing to see in a young woman."

Cindy Zeigler looked like she was in her late thirties. She wore her black hair pinned up and it made her look very distinguished. However she was very down to earth. Like all the other employees, she was wearing a beautiful dress.

I was pleased that she referred to me as a young woman.

"Erika, you can call me Cindy," she replied, with a big smile. "We are a family here."

I nodded. "Thank you, Cindy."

"Well, I will leave you in Cindy's very capable hands. Welcome to the family, dear," stated Mrs. Lincoln. Without another word, she turned around and walked back to her office.

Cindy took me by the arm and led me through the shop. "Let me show you around first, and then we'll get you properly dressed for work."

Cindy explained that, unlike Mrs. Lincoln's other businesses this store did not deal in rentals. I looked at the quality and prices of the outfits. Everything was top of the line and the prices reflected this.

"I know what you're thinking; how can she stay in business in this little town? She's been in business in this town for thirty years. She knows fashion and has unbelievable connections in the industry. We have regular customers who live over 200 miles away. And what she doesn't have, she will get," Cindy explained. "She's also using the Internet. We started a website three years ago."

Another woman walked over and interrupted us for a second. She asked Cindy about the location of a dress that had been special ordered. The other woman was in her twenties, short, thin and had short blonde hair.

"Mel, this is Erika," introduced Cindy. "She's our newest employee."

Mel extended her hand. "Hi Erika, I'm Mel, it's short for Melissa."

"Pleased to meet you, Mel," I said. I instantly liked her.

"We'll talk later, Nice to meet you." Mel then left to get the special order.

"Mel was also hired by Mrs. Lincoln out of high school. She is now doing her postgraduate work over at the college," explained Cindy. "Now, let's get you into something nice!"

In the back room there were several racks of clothing, each outfit had a label on it with an employee's name on it. I saw one with mine on it.

Cindy started looking through the rack, as if she was looking for something specific. "Mrs. Lincoln selected these with you in mind. She also selects all our outfits. Here, why don't you try this one?"

She handed me a navy colored cocktail dress and a matching pair of shoes. Everything fit perfectly. Cindy was impressed and gave me some hints for accessories. She told me to keep my earring selection simple for now.

Cindy also helped me with my makeup. She gave me a few hints on how to cover up my bruises. I was amazed at the difference.

"Wow, I can't believe it," I exclaimed, as I looked in the mirror. A huge smile broke out on my face. The bruises were barely noticeable.

"Mrs. Lincoln sent me to a course on makeup several years ago. She wanted me to help the employees," she explained.

I couldn't stop looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Thank you, this is the best I've looked in a while."

Cindy stood there smiling. "Yes, dear, I know. So, are you ready to learn some more?"

"Absolutely," I replied, as I took one last look at myself. It felt great to look "normal" again!

I was kept very busy the rest of the evening. I was amazed by everything that I had to learn. I would be a trainee for the next few weeks. The goal was to have me ready for the Christmas/New Year rush. I thought the hardest thing about the job would be wearing heels. By the end of the night, my feet were killing me!

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Thankfully, even though the group had just gone through a massive dating break-up, we were all still friends. Paul still kidded me in homeroom, and Laura, Cat, and I still ate lunch together. In some ways, it made us all a lot closer. I told them about my new job on the ride to school.

As Cat and I walked to homeroom, I told her that I had to go in to see the DA that afternoon.

"They want to tell me something about the case. I was wondering if you would like to join me? That is, if you are still interested in that sort of thing," I asked, with a smile.

"That would be great! What time?" she asked.

"Right after school," I replied.

Cat hugged me. "Count me in."

When I reached homeroom, I was given a pass by Mr. Grant. I opened and started reading it.

"What's up?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B wants to see me. I think it's about that weekly meeting she was thinking about starting," I explained.

I grabbed my books and left. I couldn't help but notice Paul smiling at me. I let out a small sigh as I stepped out into the hall.

As I thought, the reason for the pass was to tell me that there would be a mandatory meeting of all contestants this Thursday afternoon. The meeting would be held during lunch and would be in room 131. Ms. B told me that notices were going out to everyone today.

"You seem a bit down, what's up?" she asked.

"I broke up with Paul. We're still friends - well, I think we are. I just don't feel comfortable being close with a boy right now. Does any of this make any sense or am I rambling?" I asked.

"Yes, it does. Looking at your circumstances, it makes sense. Work on your recovery and then, if it was meant to be, you'll get back with him. If not, it isn't the end of the world."

"Thanks," I replied with a smile. "I'll see you Thursday."

"Bring your lunch and don't be late!"

That afternoon on the way to see the DA, I told Cat of my internal struggles on breaking up with Paul.

"I mean, he did nothing wrong. In fact, he was unbelievably understanding and I pushed him aside," I sighed. "That must make me look like a total jerk."

"No, it makes you look human," answered Cat. "I have no idea of how bad it was for you during the attack, and I hope I never do. But if it was as bad as I think it was, you'll need time to get yourself right. To be honest, I doubt that you'll really find peace until after the trial. Paul is a great guy and he understands. Don't forget, I've known him a lot longer than you have."

"Has he talked to you about me lately?" I asked.

"Yes. We talked Monday evening on the phone. He's trying to understand what's going on. I told him to be content with being friends and to wait it out"

"Thanks," I answered. I felt a little better.

We went into the DA's office and sat down in the waiting area. Mom joined us a few minutes later. After a few minutes, Sam Warren came out and greeted us.

"This is my best friend, Cat; she is very interested in law enforcement," I said as I introduced Cat.

He looked at her as if he was trying to place her name. "Oh, yes! Caitlin Hawkins, you're the one who first noticed that Erika was missing. I was reading your statement last week. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He led us back to his office and told me that he just wanted to let me know that the initial DNA tests had come back and matched to Jason.

"We've matched Jason's DNA to samples taken from you at the hospital and from your clothing. Your bloodstains were found in Jason's van and on his jeans and sweatshirt. Additionally, we have Jason's fingerprints on the duct tape that was used to tie you up," reported Sam. "The lab techs are still waiting for confirmation on several other samples."

"So, that should be it, right?" I asked.

"I wish it was that simple. We are still waiting for the private lab report. Of course the defense is still claiming that it was consensual," explained Sam.

"And how're they explaining the fact that she was found taped up?" asked Mom.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Good question. I doubt they have a good excuse. The statement from the truck driver is also very strong. I have more than enough evidence to submit to the grand jury," replied Sam.

"So, are they going to take this thing to trial?" I asked. My disappointment was evident in the tone of my voice. I was hoping there wouldn't be a trial, as I really didn't want to be in the spotlight.

"Well, they did offer to plead guilty to a minor charge in exchange for dropping the rest of the charges. But it's a joke. They would only plead guilty to simple assault. Don't worry, we never even considered accepting it," he stated. "I plan on filing a multitude of charges against Jason. Starting off with kidnapping, assault and battery, forcible sexual assault, aggravated felonious assault, forcible rape, and several other charges."

"So, when will this trial start?" asked Mom.

"We thought they'd want to wait and draw it out, but they have pushed for a trial as soon as possible. We haven't got a firm date, but I expect it to start in early February. He has the right to push for a prompt trial."

"Why so soon?" asked Mom.

"I think they hope to create a sensation. They'll claim that his rights were violated and hope to get a sympathetic jury."

"What about my rights?" I asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Actually, your being here is part of your rights. I'm required by law to inform you of any plea bargains, even ones as ridiculous as the one they just offered. As we get closer to the trial, I'll brief you on what they can ask and what they can't. I want this conviction badly, Erika, and we will ensure that he won't get off on a technicality," explained Sam.

"I believe you. I guess sooner is better than later," I stated. There was something about Sam that made me trust him.

"Do you think they'll try to negotiate a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I would if I was defending him. However his lawyer seems convinced that he can win. If there is a plea bargain, I won't settle for less than twenty years in prison," answered Sam.

"If the evidence against Jason is so strong why would you consider accepting a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I'd do it to protect Erika," stated Sam. "I fully expect that Jason's lawyer will go after her hard."

"Thank you, but I want to testify," I stated firmly.

Sam nodded. "I kind of expected that to be your answer."

"Will she have to testify at the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"Right now, I'd say no. I have no plan on calling her, although it's possible that the grand jury might want to question her. I suspect that the video will be sufficient, as they've been satisfied with videos in the past. You'll be contacted either way," answered Sam.

After the official part of the meeting, he asked Cat if she would like a tour of their lab.

"It's small and we send most of our major evidence to the State Police, but it should give you a better idea of what we use," explained Sam.

"I'd love to see it!" exclaimed Cat. She turned to me and asked, "You don't mind do you, Erika?"

"No, not at all, take your time; I'll catch a ride back home with Mom. Call me when you get home," I asked.

On the drive home, Mom asked me if I really was comfortable with the prospect of an early trial.

"I just want to get it over," I sighed. "The longer the wait, the more time I'll have to worry about it."

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I was finishing up some homework when Cat called. She sounded very excited. She said that she'd be right over and that she had something great to tell me.

"You won't believe this, but they're offering me an internship down at the police lab! I'll spend three afternoons a week down there, and they'll even take me to the main lab some weekend!" she exclaimed.

"They just offered it to you?" I asked. I had heard of the opening and had talked to the DA about Cat.

"Well, they had a person earlier this year but they quit. When I told them my academic background, they offered it to me. Of course, they have to check with Mom and the school, but I don't expect any problems," explained Cat.

"That is way cool! Well, now we have spies in both the press and the police. Soon we take over!" I answered with my best mad scientist laugh.

"I want to thank you so much for recommending me. Yes, they told me that you had asked about the program for me," thanked Cat.

"I just wanted to try to pay you back for everything you've done for me," I replied.

There was a long pause. We both sat there looking at each other.

"Do you still have a crush on me?" she asked softly.

I looked at her and nodded, as I knew it would be pointless to lie. "Yes. I love you just as much as before, but I also want to keep you as my best friend in the world."

Cat nodded. "I want you to know that I feel the same way. I can't imagine you not being in my life. You are very dear to me."

"Too bad our friendship is so strong, otherwise we could start dating," I quipped a smile.

"I knew you'd understand," smiled Cat.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I had another great night at work, and I told Cat and Laura all about it Thursday morning on the drive to school. Paul wasn't with us because he had to go to the newspaper immediately after school.

"So, today is the first group meeting of the survivors of the great scholarship contest?" asked Laura.

"Yes. It should be interesting," I replied with a smile. It may have just been my imagination, but I began to notice that Laura was becoming interested in me, and not in a regular friendship sort of way. I kept remembering her comment about liking "boys like me." Laura was really sweet and to be honest I had always thought a girl like her would be out of reach for me.

"Interesting is a bit of an understatement," quipped Cat.

We were allowed to bring our lunches into the meeting. I sat next to Caroline. We looked around the room and counted sixteen others. The number of contestants had stayed at eighteen for the past week. I noticed that of the group in my PE class, there were only three left. I still wondered how many of them were in on the note that Jason wrote.

Ms. B walked in and welcomed us all to the meeting. She said that this would be held every Thursday that school was in session.

"Its purpose is to allow you to get to know each other better. I want to make a few ground rules. First, whatever is said in here stays here, I want you to feel free to talk. Second, this meeting is for contestants only. Any questions?" she explained.

We all looked around the room and didn't see any hands.

"Okay, I have a few more announcements to make. Starting next week, you may now wear pants three days a week. This rule will stay in effect until spring," she announced.

There was a huge sigh of relief followed by a spontaneous round of applause.

Ms. B smiled at our reaction. "Apparently that was a popular decision! Next, the week after the Christmas holiday break, there will be a special meeting. As you know the contest in past years has been just about over by now, but I know from talking too many of you that it might last well into spring this time. So, there will be some special new challenges that you will have to accomplish. We've had this plan for years, but have never had the opportunity to use it. I want to make this very clear; the activities are designed, not to humiliate you, but to give you more insight into the gender you have been living since the start of the school year."

She paused to give us time to absorb what she had said.

"Now, I am not able to tell you what all these challenges will be, but many of you will not find them that difficult. Hopefully, you'll have some fun doing them I will tell you that one of them is that for second semester each of you will be required to take child development."

A round of groans met this announcement. There was a hand raised.

"Yes, Ann?" asked Ms. B.

Ann was tall and thin. I had talked to her a few times in English. She had entered as a way of paying off money she owed to her sisters. She told me that her goal was to make it at least into February, as that would pay off the debt.

"Does that mean we'll have to do everything in the class?"

"Yes, it does," answered Ms. B, with a smile

More groans. That meant that we'd each be stuck with "the baby" for a weekend. It was a doll with electronic sensors in it. The sensors recorded any abuse or failure to provide correct care. The baby was set to start crying randomly, and it needed a special key inserted into the back to make it stop. The sensors would record how well we met the needs. I'd heard many girls say that it was the worst weekend of their lives, and that it convinced them to avoid getting pregnant until they were ready.

Oh, then there was the other big part of the course. There was also the "pregnant for a day" requirement. All students got to wear a pregnancy empathy belly for one school day.

"Any other questions? None? Okay, now I'd like to go around the room and have you introduce yourselves and tell us why you really entered the competition. Again, everything stays in here," she reiterated.

"Hi! I'm Ann, and I entered to pay off a debt to my sisters," she stated.

Her answer brought out a lot of laughs. The rest of the group each stood up and gave their name and reasons. There were a few that stood out. Lisa was a pretty Korean. She had entered because her girlfriend dared her. Claire, a short quiet redhead, said that she'd entered because she lost a bet with her Mom. Actually I was surprised to see Claire in the room, as I'd always thought she was a real girl. She was short and very petite. I wondered if she was like Caroline and I.

The scariest answer was by Denise, which made sense, as she was the scariest looking person in the room. She was tall, muscular, and was wearing a heavy base of makeup. She had taken to dressing slightly Goth. But it seemed to fit her. Her hair was dyed jet black, with slight streaks of purple, and she even wore black nail polish. Her dress was long and black and she was wearing Doc Martens. Actually, her outfit was practical, as the many tattoos on her arms didn't seem so noticeable. Her answer was that her choices had been this or military school. The reason for those choices was never given.

Ms. B thought that the meeting was a success and told us that she looked forward to our next meeting in two weeks.

As we walked to photography class, Caroline told me more about Denise. She told me that I shouldn't take Denise too seriously, as she loved spoofing people.

"Last year 'Dennis' was in a heavy metal garbage-band with my cousin," Caroline explained.

"The correct term is garage band," I corrected, laughing at her mistake.

She smiled back at me. "You never heard them play, garbage is a better description. Actually, Denise isn't as tough as she looks. I'll introduce you to her sometime. I have the feeling that you'd like her."

Chapter Forty

Friday was a busy day and it had nothing to do with school. I had to go to my therapy session after school and then I had work. My schedule looked a bit overwhelming. I decided to ask Jenny McCall, if we could move the sessions to Tuesday or Thursday. I didn't want to be distracted at work, and I wanted to be able to absorb what had happened with Jenny in private.

She had no problem with changing my session to Tuesdays. With that crisis over, she asked me how my week was going. Of course my breakup with Paul was the biggest thing on my mind, followed closely by the trial. We talked about what was going through my mind and my fears of going out alone.

Jenny looked at me. "I assume that you also check to see that the doors are locked when you are home alone a lot."

"Three or four times aren't really a lot of times is it?" I answered with a smile.

"I wouldn't get obsessed about it. Do you still lock your bedroom door?" she asked.

"No. I stopped doing that a while ago," I lied. Well, I only did it occasionally, so that shouldn't count!

"What about nightmares?" asked Jenny.

"I have them occasionally. Not every night, but a couple times a week," I answered. "Will they go away?"

"They should. However, be aware that you may go through cycles of these nightmares. Let me know if they start affecting your sleep," stated Jenny.

The rest of the session went by really fast. The last thing she asked me was about starting group therapy.

"There's a group over at the college that I checked out and I'd like you to consider joining it. It is mostly women aged 18-26, and it's the closest that I can find to your age, which I guess is a good thing. I know the woman who runs it and I have told her about your situation. She has no problem with you joining the group," explained Jenny.

"What about the members of the group?" I asked. "I know that some people are hostile to my status. I can understand their hostility to men and some of them might just see me as mocking them."

"The group I have in mind should be okay. The woman who runs it is a close friend, and she is anxious to have you join. Well, I'd like you to at least think about it. I'd like you to call her this weekend," she said as she handed me a business card.

I read the name on the card Dr. Karen Buford, "What time should I call?" I asked.

"She is usually available between 10-12:00," explained Jenny. "I'll see you Tuesday at 4:00."

I got up and hugged her. It suddenly struck home how much I needed her.

Chapter Forty-One

Mom was waiting for me and drove me to the mall. She listened to my post-therapy ramblings without complaining. She said that the group might be good for me.

"So you were actually listening to me? Thanks. I was afraid that I wasn't making any sense," I replied.

"I never said you were making sense!" quipped Mom. "By the way, I'd like to meet your boss this evening."

"Okay, I think you'll like her," I answered.

Mom found a parking spot right up near the entrance, so we only had a short walk in the cold. We walked into the store and I introduced Mom to Cindy and Mel.

"Is Mrs. Lincoln in, Cindy?" I asked.

"Yes, she is. Erika, why don't you go get changed, and I'll take your Mom back to meet Mrs. Lincoln. I have your outfit hanging in the back dressing room. By the way your makeup looks very good this evening," commented Cindy.

My dress that evening was a black cocktail dress. The dress was nice, but I dreaded seeing the heels. The shoes were three-inch heels, and I immediately knew my feet would be killing me by the end of the evening. I checked myself in the mirror and walked out. I looked at the clock. It was 5:45 PM exactly.

I found Mom talking to Mrs. Lincoln and Cindy. They seemed to hit it off quite well. They all turned and watched me as I approached. I could tell from their expressions that they were pleased with my appearance.

"Oh, Erika, you look lovely!" exclaimed Mom, as she looked me over.

"Thanks Mom," I replied, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I am very pleased with your daughter so far, Jill," stated Mrs. Lincoln to Mom.

"Erika, what time do you want me to pick you up?" asked Mom, who had a huge smile on her face.

"Don't bother, Jill, I can give her a ride home. You don't live that far away, and I really don't mind," interrupted Cindy.

Mom looked at Cindy, "That's very kind, I appreciate it. Well, it was nice meeting all of you."

I said goodbye and got to work. That night I worked mainly with Mel and she showed me how to work the cash register. She also taught me how to make entries into our computer database.

"Mrs. Lincoln has us keep this up to date as much as possible. That way she can spot trends. Don't ever underestimate her. She sees everything. She can be very critical, but she's also very generous and caring. She really doesn't need this store, but she loves running it and helping her friends, customers, and employees," explained Mel.

"I am beginning to see that," I answered. I could sense a lot of loyalty in Mrs. Lincoln's employees.

As long as I was busy I was OK, but when it got slow I started thinking about my session with Jenny.

"Earth to Erika! Hello. You there?" asked Cindy.

I was refolding some sweaters and kind of zoned, thinking about what Jenny had told me about the group session.

"You seemed to be somewhere else for a minute. Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I had a counseling session this afternoon before work. I was thinking about something she told me. Don't worry, it won't happen again. I moved my sessions to Tuesdays." I went back to folding the sweaters.

"Don't worry about it. If you don't mind telling me, who are you seeing?" asked Cindy with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Dr. Jennifer McCall over at the County Health Office by the hospital," I answered, as I folded another sweater.

Cindy smiled and nodded knowingly. "I know where Jenny works. She's very good, isn't she?"

I stopped and looked up at her. I didn't know what to say. I started to open my mouth and Cindy shook her head and put a finger to her lips.

"No need to say anything, dear. I first saw her six years ago, when she was first starting out. She helped me a lot and I know she'll help you."

"Do you still see her?" I asked.

"Sometimes," she answered with a smile. "Now, you need to finish that up. I have some other tasks for you this evening."

"Yes Cindy, I'm almost finished," I answered.

On the ride home I wanted to ask Cindy some more questions, but felt that I'd be prying into her privacy. I knew that I was not the first to experience an assault, but there was a sense of relief in knowing someone else who had been through it and had survived.

She pulled into our driveway. I thanked her for the ride and told her I'd see her Sunday at 11:45. I was relieved that she waited until I was inside.

I made it through another day and a good day at that. Life was looking up.

Chapter Forty-Two

Saturday morning, I helped Mom around the house. That was one aspect, of my so-called female life, that I was already familiar with. Since it had always been just the two of us, I'd long ago taken on many household chores. I did the laundry, dusting and vacuuming long before I started wearing skirts. The only big change from before was that now I was more involved in the kitchen.

Neither of us was really into cooking. It was a necessary evil. We ate well, and sometimes Mom would try something adventurous, but it wasn't something we truly enjoyed. Thanks to my Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Roberts, I'd become pretty good. Still I'd rather have someone else cook.

Around 10:30 I called up Dr. Buford. I was almost hoping that she wasn't at work. I could leave a message and hang up. Unfortunately, she was in.

"Good morning, Dr. Buford. This is Erika Walters. I believe that Dr. McCall talked to you about me," I explained. Gee, that didn't sound too formal and dorky, I thought.

"Yes, good morning. Erika, I was hoping you'd call me this morning. By the way, please call me Karen," she offered.

We talked for a few minutes and then she invited to come by next Saturday morning.

"I have a group that meets at 8:00 AM. They would be a good fit for you. There are eight women in it presently," Karen explained.

"I'm a little worried about how they will receive me, Karen," I replied.

"Don't be. I hinted that you might be joining us. They seemed willing to give you a chance," she answered. "I'll be on your side. I don't see your assault as being any less traumatic just because you're physically male."

"Okay, I'll be there," I said.

She gave me directions and asked me to bring something to share for breakfast. It was a tradition that the new person brought bagels or muffins to the meeting. I thanked her and hung up the phone.

I got back to the laundry when the phone rang again. I heard Mom get it.

"Honey, it's Cat," she yelled.

"Thanks," I answered, and I picked up the phone. "Good morning, Cat."

"Hi Erika. Laura and I are going to the movies this afternoon, can you join us?" asked Cat.

That sounded great, I thought. I checked quickly with Mom and she said no problem. I told Cat that I'd love to go with them, and she said that they would pick me up at noon.

The three of us headed to the mall. First to get something to eat and then catch the 1:30 show.

Nothing exciting happened, no one dropped any bombshells, and no one had any earth-shattering news. Just a fun afternoon hanging out with friends. I mean, I had had plenty of afternoons like this one before. I'd never thought they were important enough to include in my saga. But the reason I included this one was that my life was craving something like this. It also made me realize how important every moment in life can be. When I got home, Mom asked me how my afternoon went. I told her it was just fine.

Chapter Forty-Three

Sunday, I was back at work. I wasn't ready to wait on customers yet; that wouldn't happen for a few more weeks. I was still being trained on all the little things. I learned how to properly wrap up the customers' purchases. This was especially important when we were dealing with such expensive items. I was also taught to be very polite and nice to the customers. I also learned what it was like to be the junior salesgirl with such fun duties like emptying the trash, restacking and refolding clothes and most importantly making the coffee run!

Actually, I'm not being fair to Mel and Cindy. They really treated me nicely and they did their share of drudgework at the store. I figured that there was a bit of them feeling me out and seeing how well I'd fit in. Yes, it is true that they did send me for coffee, but they also bought mine.

I went to the gourmet coffee stand to pick up our order. Cindy ordered a latte and Mel wanted just normal black coffee. Cindy joked that she wasn't sure that they even sold that anymore. Personally, I couldn't get into coffee, it was too bitter for me, except when I put in sugar and milk. On the other hand, Cat was really into coffee and she had tried several times to get me to like it. I stuck with tea. Cat kidded me that it had been easier to get me into dresses than to get me to like coffee.

As I picked up our order, I saw Paul walking by. I waved to him and he looked at me kind of strangely. Then it hit him who I was.

"Wow! I didn't recognize you, Erika, how is it going?" he asked. "You look great!"

"Better, thanks. I work over there," I answered, pointing to the shop.

"Swanky! That's right, I forgot you'd got a job. My Mom shops there sometimes," he said.

"Well, I have to head back to work," I explained as I checked my watch.

Paul took the cups from me. "Here, let me help you. It would be a shame for you to spill something on that dress." I could see that he was wondering how I could afford it.

"It isn't mine, my boss insists that we dress nicely and she supplies the clothes," I answered. "And thanks for helping."

We walked back to the store. Paul was a bit hesitant to enter the store.

"Don't worry, they won't make you dress like me. Come on, I want you to meet my co-workers," I quipped.

I introduced him to Cindy and Mel as I gave them their coffee.

"Paul, what did you say your last name was?" asked Cindy.

"It's Brady."

"Is your mother's first name Jackie?" asked Cindy.

"Yes, it is," answered Paul, slightly surprised.

"I've known your mother for years. It is a pleasure to finally meet the son she is always talking about. She thinks the world of you."

Paul seemed slightly surprised and pleased to hear that his mom thought so highly of him.

"Here, Paul, please give this sales pamphlet to your mother. It's our holiday mailer," added Mel.

Paul thanked them and said good-bye. He looked at me and smiled and walked out.

"Nice boy," commented Cindy, "His mother has been a regular customer for years."

"Yes, he is nice," I said softly, as I watched him walk way.

"Ohhhh...." acknowledged Mel, "So, when did you two break up?"

"Is it that obvious?" I replied, watching them both nod yes and then take a sip from their coffee, "We didn't break up, I broke it up. I'm okay with it, but I don't like to see him sad."

"I understand, Erika, you don't need to say anything else," said Cindy, as she put her arm around me.

Mel gave me a look, as if she really didn't believe me.

"I don't mind. We're still friends," I answered as I went back to work. Mel was right. I was far from being over it.

"Even though you're 'okay' with it, feel free to talk to me anytime," smiled Mel.

"Thanks," I replied.

As I worked, I thought about Paul. I accepted that my feelings for him had changed. I knew that we would never be more than friends. There was a feeling of concern for him. I felt bad for hurting him, but I knew that I had done the right thing.

Cindy drove me home again. She asked how I liked working at the store.

"It's much harder than I thought. Mrs. Lincoln has such high standards," I explained.

"That's true, but you will learn a lot from her," added Cindy. "So, anything else on your mind?"

We were stopped at a light. I looked over at her and could see her smiling.

"How long does it take for the fear to go away?" I asked

"To be honest, I don't think it ever does. You just learn to control it," she answered. The light changed and we continued down the road.

I nodded. "Oh. I've talked to Jenny and the DA about how difficult testifying will be, they make it sound pretty bad."

"It won't be fun. But when I look back, it was one of the days that that I'm most proud about!" Cindy exclaimed

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry," I apologized

"Don't worry, Erika, you're not prying," she replied. "I just want to help you when I can."

"Thank you."

When I got in, I found that Cat and Terri were in the kitchen with Mom.

"So, here's the newest salesgirl at the most stylish boutique in town," announced Terri.

I sat down and joined then. I kicked off my shoes and began to rub my feet. "I spent the last five hours in heels and my feet are killing me."

All three of them just stared at me.

"I guess I'm not going to get any sympathy here." I smiled

"None at all," replied Terri. "During college, I had to wear a very skimpy outfit at the restaurant I worked at. The money was good, but I felt like I was almost naked."

"I know what you mean. I had a similar job back in San Diego," added Mom.

I was shocked by Mom's confession. "Really? You never told me about that one!"

Mom gave me "The Look." "The Look" was used whenever Mom didn't want to discuss something. I knew that there were some things in her past that she didn't want to share.

"I'll tell you about it when you are older," joked Mom.

"How much older?" I asked with a smile

Mom laughed. "When you're fifty!"

During dinner, we discussed Thanksgiving. Terri agreed to have it at her house, as she loved cooking. She also told us that she'd invited her sister's family to join us. That was fine with Cat and me, because that meant Alex would be coming. Cat was close to Alex and had always seen him as her big brother. I liked him a lot too. He'd really made my adjustment to school a lot easier.

I told Cat about meeting Paul when I was at work. I also told her about my present feelings toward him.

"You know, I think I know a solution to this problem," announced Cat.

"Well? What is it, oh wise one?" I asked.

Cat just smiled at me, "I'll tell you tomorrow."

Chapter Forty-Four

It was 6:00AM on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I was up early, having a cup of tea in my pjs at the kitchen table and reading the morning paper. Actually, I was doing more thinking than reading. I had been stuck on the same article for the past twenty minutes. It had been a restless night, and I had a lot of things on my mind.

First there was Thanksgiving. Actually, that was a good memory. It was my first big holiday since we'd moved to Golden Hill and my first since I had become Erika. We'd had dinner with Cat and Terri. They had become our family since we moved here, and in some ways they were closer than some of my real relatives.

Terri put together a great dinner. We assisted but she did most of the work, which was fine with Mom and I. It was also nice to socialize with Alex and his family. Alex had been swamped since we'd won the championship. Over twenty colleges and universities were recruiting him. He told us that all the attention was getting kind of old and that he had narrowed his choice down to a couple of schools.

Alex's parents were really cool. They told him that they would support his selection. However, they wanted him to consider academics as well as athletics in his final decision. Personally, I had no doubt that Alex would succeed in both areas. I also got to meet Alex's younger brother, Nick, who was a junior.

Alex's father also recommended a lawyer to Mom, just in case we decided to file a civil suit against Jason and his family. I appreciated his thoughts, but I didn't want any money out of this. The only thing I wanted was justice.

The second thing on my mind was Paul. I still felt guilty about breaking up with him. Cat claimed to be working on something that might make me feel better about it, but so far she had kept it to herself.

But really the thing that had me up so early was that I was going to my first group therapy meeting today. I checked my watch and saw that I needed to get into the shower soon. The session started at 8:00 and I'd have to make a stop along the way to pick up some muffins.

I walked towards the stairs and hesitated by the front door for a second, but I didn't check the lock. I hoped that I was getting over that obsession. I went upstairs and showered and afterwards did my daily examination of my face. It had been a few weeks since the assault, and I was almost looking normal. The bruises had faded and weren't too noticeable anymore. My scar above my right eye still looked bad, but I was told it would take time to heal. Then there was my nose. It was now a little crooked, but it didn't seem to bother my breathing. Mom had told me that I could get it fixed if I wanted to.

My ribs didn't hurt anymore. Alex told me I was lucky that they hadn't been broken. He told me that he'd broken two ribs in junior high and that it had hurt to breathe for months. I think that the only reason that they weren't broken was that they were injured during the initial tackle. It wasn't an intentional injury like everything else Jason did to me. If he had thought of it, I'm sure that they would have been broken.

After putting on my panties and bra, I debated on what to wear. It was early so I went with the casual look. It was also cold and cloudy outside, so warmth was a major consideration. It wasn't even winter yet and I hated it already. I selected a sweater and slipped it on. I then put on a little bit of makeup. Thankfully, I had very little facial or body hair so I rarely had to shave. I knew that, even after I started hormones, I'd have to get some electrolysis. I wasn't looking forward to that.

I slipped on a pair of socks and some loafers. I inspected myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought, although my hair would need a touchup soon. I made a note in my planner to call the salon.

I could hear Mom stirring as I left my room. I knocked on her door and asked her if she wanted me to fix her a mug of tea. I heard a groan that sounded like a yes, and walked downstairs and put the kettle on again.

Mom came down a few minutes later. "Good morning, honey. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Great, I just got up a little while ago, thanks for asking," I replied. It was a lie, I had been awake since 3:00 and I had got out of bed around 5:00. "How about you?"

"Good thanks," she answered. "Funny thing, I thought I heard someone up a little after 5:00, must have been the wind."

I looked over and smiled. I never get one by her.

We drove together to the college. I picked up a dozen muffins at a little donut shop near campus.

"If they get hostile, I'll just throw the box one way and run the other," I quipped

We parked right outside campus. I could see that the building where the meeting was held was right across the street. Mom saw a coffeehouse up the block and told me to meet her there.

Chapter Forty-Five

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was time. I crossed the street with the box of muffins and entered the building. I checked Karen's instructions and found the room. I stood outside for a second, took a deep breath, and entered.

The room itself was unremarkable. There was a large table in the middle of the room with chairs arranged around it. There were several women standing around talking. Some stared at me as I walked in. I didn't get an instant feeling that I was welcome!

A tall woman with dark brown hair walked towards me smiling, "You must be Erika. I knew you immediately by the pink box you're carrying. Here let me take that from you," she greeted me, as she took the box of muffins from me and set them on the table.

"Yes, I'm Erika, are you Karen?" I asked.

"That's me," she stated. "I'm really glad you showed up. Many first timers get cold feet. We're about to get started. Don't worry, Erika, you'll be okay"

I nodded and sat down next to her. From the looks I was getting, I wasn't sure how well I was going to be received. As I looked around the room, I saw eight women sitting around the table. I got looks ranging from indifference to anger and a few that wouldn't even look my way.

"Good morning, everyone," announced Karen, acting as if nothing was wrong. "As I told you all last week, we have a new member of our group. I expect all of you to give Erika a warm welcome."

The room was filled with silence. Not exactly a warm welcome.

Karen was suddenly interrupted by a woman at the end of the table. "Excuse me, Karen, but I think I speak for the group when I say that we really don't think that this person should be allowed here. As you told us, this person isn't a real female and therefore can have no idea of what we have gone through. I know that you mean well, but there has to be a more appropriate group for...HIM," she grumbled as she pointed at me.

The look she gave me was full of anger, and I started to get up to walk out, when I felt Karen's hand on my shoulder gently pushing me back down into my seat. I glanced up at Karen and saw that she was smiling back at me. I knew that at least one person was on my side

"Does Dana speak for all of you?" asked Karen.

I watched as each woman nodded in agreement. Many wouldn't make eye contact with Karen.

Another woman glared at me and then turned to Karen. "You promised that no men would be allowed in these meetings!"

"I'm not a man," I stated.

Dana looked at me and rolled her eyes. "I don't wish to be insulting, but it is a risk that someone like that takes when they go out in the world. I admit that HE does pass well as a girl, and because of that he does share some of the blame for what happened."

For the first time since I'd survived the attack, I felt really scared. If this group of women saw me as causing the assault, then what chance would I have with a jury?

"I did nothing wrong," I interrupted. My voice was soft at first, but was becoming stronger and more filled with confidence. "The person who abducted, beat, and violated me knew my status and took great joy in injuring me. I think you'd like him, as you seem to have a lot in common with him. He liked humiliating me too."

Screw them, I thought! If I was going to get kicked out, then I was at least going to have my say.

Dana turned and glared at me. "How dare you speak to us that way! You have no idea of what we have been through! You're a male in drag! It's totally different for you," she yelled. "You may have been assaulted, but it wasn't rape!"

"The DA is calling it rape!" I angrily yelled back.

Karen interrupted and stood up. "Fine. If you feel that way about Erika, then I will ask her to leave. However, I want you all at least listen to what she has to say first. Go ahead, Erika, tell them your story."

I looked up at her and could see that she was smiling at me and nodding gently. She had her hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I looked around the room, took a sip of water, and then started to tell them about my assault. I started with the background and events leading up to the attack. Then I went into the attack. I closed my eyes and pictured what had happened as I told it. I found that I just wasn't telling the story, I was reliving it. I included every detail: the abduction, the rape, the beatings, the humiliation, and the fear. I spared nothing and did not soften the details. I wanted them to hear everything that Jason had done to me, and I wanted them to feel my pain.

When I finished, I bowed my head. I didn't want to make eye contact with them as I was also fighting back tears. I didn't want to appear weak to them. I hoped that they would just let me get up and walk out of there without any further insults.

I sat there for a moment. The room was totally silent. I guessed that I had put them all to sleep. Karen's voice broke the silence.

"Are you finished, dear?" she asked me in a low soothing voice.

I nodded yes. "Karen, thank you for letting me talk. I won't bother you all anymore." I started to get up to walk out.

"Wait. Excuse me, Erika, but I'd really like you to stay. I'm really sorry for what I said earlier. I was totally out of line. I directed the anger I feel towards my attacker to you. That was stupid. I'm sorry, please stay," apologized Dana. She got out of her chair and walked over and wrapped her arms around me. Most of the group followed suit, although a few sat in their seats and looked away from me. Naturally I broke down and started crying.

Karen asked me to stay for a few minutes after the meeting. I was totally drained, but I felt pretty good. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red from crying and my makeup looked awful.

"I'm sorry for their initial reaction to you, but you handled yourself very well," she explained. "The way you described the assault is the way you should do it when you testify."

I wiped my eyes with a tissue. "I guess that I've been too sheltered the past few months. I forgot how most people view the transgendered. I wonder if the jury will be understanding or see me as some sort of perverted freak who 'got what they deserved'."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Erika, it won't be easy. There are a lot of closed-minded people out there. But many of them are just uneducated, which is a lot different from being totally ignorant. Keep in mind that you swayed a whole room of hostile women over to your side this morning by just being yourself," she explained.

"Not everyone was swayed," I stated, referring to the two women who refused to acknowledge me.

"True, but the rest are on your side," answered Karen.

"So, will I be welcome back next week?" I asked meekly.

"Absolutely, Erika. Now, do you need a ride home?" she asked.

"No, thank you. My mom is waiting for me at the coffeehouse down the block. I just need to go clean up first," I replied, as I wiped my eyes.

"I'll wait for you. I'd like to meet your mother if you don't mind," she added.

I washed my face and reapplied my makeup. My eyes were still a bit red, but there was nothing I could do about that.

We walked over to the coffeehouse and I introduced Karen to Mom. They hit it off right away. I desperately needed something really sweet, and left them to talk. I picked out a raspberry Danish and ordered a medium hot chocolate. As I waited for my order, I looked around the room. There were individuals studying or reading and there were groups involved in heated discussions. I glanced over at the bulletin board and saw the variety of notices and ads. It was so exotic compared to high school. I suddenly got a new shot of adrenalin that refreshed my desire to win the scholarship and go to college.

On the drive home, I told Mom about the meeting.

"Karen told me how well you handled yourself. I'm very proud of you," Mom announced.

"I'm very proud of you too, Mom. I can't even begin to thank you for all you've done for me the past few weeks," I replied

Mom smiled at me. "You just did, honey."

Chapter Forty-Six

When we got home, I called Cat. I knew she would want to hear a complete report. She invited me over to her house. We grabbed a couple of sodas and headed up to her room.

I told her everything that had happened. She shared my concern on the attitudes of the people towards my being transgendered.

"It's something that you are going to have to deal with the rest of your life. There are a lot of people out there who disapprove of what you are doing. Gender is just something that most people take for granted. When someone like you comes around and challenges their beliefs, it can hard to accept. Most will be indifferent, but there will be those who will take great joy in hurting you. I also agree with what you said about being sheltered. Our school and this community are the exceptions and it took us many years to get that way," explained Cat.

"I don't expect everyone to accept me, I just want to live my life in peace. Maybe I jumped into this too quickly, but once things started I just sort of rode it. I know that I've made mistakes and reacted instead of thinking things through. Am I rambling yet or am I still making sense?" I asked. I then took a long drink from my soda.

"Borderline rambling, but I understand what you are trying to say," replied Cat with a smile. "Would one of those regrets be Paul?"

I smiled back. "You'd better become a cop, it would be a shame to waste your talent for reading minds."

"It wasn't that hard, Erika," she replied.

"Oh, that makes me feel even better! Yes, I know now that I got way too involved with Paul, and it all happened too fast. I was so caught up with everything that was going on with Homecoming and with my emerging feelings that before I knew it I was in a relationship with him. I feel really guilty about hurting him."

"What were you feelings about him?" asked Cat.

"I'm not really sure. I never really felt attracted to guys before the competition. Then I met someone who saw me as a girl and wanted me to be his girlfriend. At first being with him felt good, but even before the assault I was having doubts. Mom had a talk with me about sex and I began to wonder," I answered, taking another sip of my soda.

"Well, I saw you two together and there was attraction, you can't deny that. I think what you are going through is very normal. You were raised as a boy and now, thanks to the contest, you have discovered your true self. As you adapt and adjust to becoming female you're going to have conflicts and self-doubts. I wouldn't worry about your sexuality right now. You may be bisexual, or you may like guys, or - who knows? - you might turn out to be a lesbian," explained Cat, with a smile.

"I guess you do have a personal insight into this after all," I said.

Cat punched me in the arm.

"While we are on the topic of dating and Paul, I need your help," asked Cat, "I think I found the right person for Paul. I talked to her about my idea and she is all for it!"

"Okay, so who are you talking about?" I asked. I knew that I was truly over him, but I really didn't like to see him sad.

"Caroline," she smiled. "It makes perfect sense. They obviously like each other a lot. I just don't think Paul knows it yet."

Cat was right. Caroline and Paul would make a great couple. Their chemistry was obvious to everyone, except Paul!

"Now, this is what I have planned. Paul and Laura are meeting us this evening for pizza. Caroline will arrive with us. Laura is going to let Paul drive, she told him her car is acting up. When it comes time to leave, we'll suggest that Caroline ride with Paul and that we give Laura a ride home. Then it's up to Mother Nature. What do you think?" asked Cat.

"And you got this plan from which sitcom?" I joked.

"Okay, it's a bit lame, but I think it will work," Cat stated confidently.

"I hope it does, it would be one less issue in my life."

I went home to grab a nap and agreed to meet Cat and Caroline at 5:00PM.

Chapter Forty-Seven

My best friend Cat has many virtues: she is intelligent, insightful, funny, and very thoughtful. She is, however, a lousy matchmaker. If I had to grade Cat on her plan to fix Paul and Caroline up, I would have to give her a C for planning and an F for execution. But since everything worked out, she does get a passing grade, but hopefully she'll never attempt it again.

I would like to be able to put everything down in detail as a chapter in my saga, but to this day I can't quite find the correct words to describe what happened. I tried to get everyone else's input, but that wasn't a big help. After talking to everyone involved, I am not even sure we were in the same restaurant. So, to avoid reopening old wounds and arguments I give you the condensed version of Cat's matchmaking.

Basically the plan began to fall apart as soon as we arrived. I'm not sure, but I think that Paul thought I was going with Caroline. It was all downhill from there. Then there were words spoken, even angrier words, insults, and a lot of crying. We also came close to being kicked out of Guido's.

Fortunately, everything worked out in the end. Everyone made up and the insults and accusations were withdrawn and forgotten about. I wasn't much help as I was crying my eyes out. Laura was the voice of reason and helped smooth many of the hurt feelings. Caroline and Paul left together and seemed to be hitting it off. We weren't even banished from the restaurant. We told them that we were rehearsing for a play! Laura and I were able to make Cat promise to never try this sort of thing again. Neither of us really believes she won't though.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Snow is highly overrated. Yes, it is beautiful, and I suppose it can be fun to play in, but when you have to wear a skirt and are just trying to get to school or work, it is awful. On the plus side, my personal discomfort was providing all sorts of entertainment for my friends. Even with the relaxed dress code, I still had to wear skirts or dresses twice a week and it was miserable.

I was kept busy between work and school and it suited me fine. I did see Caroline and Paul walking down the hall holding hands. That made me very happy. I made a point of telling them how good they looked together. I didn't want to lose them as friends.

On Tuesday I had my last weekly session with Jenny McCall. We decided that I'd see her once every other week for now. She was pleased that I had been accepted into the therapy group.

"Karen was impressed by the way you stood up to Dana and the others. Dana isn't a bad person; she is just carrying around a lot of anger and she is quick to vent on others. Dana really can help you, now that you've established diplomatic relations. I hope that you can get to know them all a bit," explained Jenny.

"The one thing that was good about their initial hostility was that it prepared me a bit more for the trial. I'll find out Thursday the date that it will start," I replied.

Jenny nodded. "I see, well as soon as you know, call me. I want to help you get ready."

"Thanks, I will."

We went on to discuss how I was getting along in school and with my friends. She also wanted to know how work was going. I told her that it was great. I also mentioned working with Cindy and that she was fast becoming a good friend. Jenny seemed pleased to hear that Cindy had taken me under her wing. I didn't press for any more information on what happened to Cindy. I figured she'd tell me if and when she wanted to.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Mom picked me up and treated me to dinner. Snow was falling lightly as we drove downtown to a little Italian place. She told me that things looked good for her to get a promotion.

"Wow, they must really like you!" I exclaimed. I was nibbling on a piece of garlic bread.

"If I get it. I'll have to start taking some classes over at the college. I dread going back to school after all these years," she grumbled.

"Didn't you like college?" I asked.

"I loved my classes, but there were other things going on that soured my memories."

I knew that we were entering touchy ground, but I decided to press a little. "Like what?" I asked.

She sat there for a while and didn't say a word. She then looked up at me and smiled softly. "I guess that I should tell you. I'm sure that you've figured out that you were born during my third year of college. Thanks to your grandparents, I was able to balance going to school and being a single mother. Please don't take this the wrong way. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I often think that you saved my life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sensing I would finally be told something about my past.

She took a sip of her wine. "I am not proud of everything I did when in college. I was a bit wild and I made some mistakes. Dating the man who fathered you was one of them. Not because he got me pregnant, but because I was stupid enough to think that he would marry me."

"Who was he?" I asked.

"He was on the football team and he thought he was going to the pros. Having a pregnant girlfriend ruined his "All-American" image, so he dumped me. I guess that cosmic justice caught up with him, as he blew out his knee his senior year and never played again. The last I heard, he was selling insurance in LA," she explained.

"Did he ever contact you?" I asked.

"No, not after you were born. I don't think he even tried, as far as I know he doesn't even know if he had a son or a daughter," she stated.

"He still wouldn't know," I wisecracked, trying to hide my smile.

That caused Mom to smile too. "Cute. Anyway, at first I was angry with him for abandoning us, then as I matured I realized that having you forced me to be more responsible. I came to love being a mom, so he does deserve some thanks."

I just sat there. I didn't think it was possible, but my opinion of Mom just went up some more.

After a long silence, Mom looked straight at me. "Do you want to know his name?"

I didn't need much time to respond. "No. I'm content with the truth. He doesn't mean anything to me, he only fathered me, you raised me."

"Thanks, honey," she said as she held my hand. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"So, tell me more about the job!" I asked.

For the rest of dinner she told me about the position and the raise that would go with it. I was so happy for her.

Chapter Fifty

Thursday, Laura, Cat, and I traded work stories on the way to school. It was very cold that morning and I shivered as I waited for the heater to warm me up. Cat told us that when she went to the State Police Lab in the spring they would let her observe during an autopsy, if there were any going on.

"You mean you want to go to an actual autopsy?" asked Laura as she drove. "That's so gross!"

"Well, it will give me an idea if I can do this as a career. Actually, it's very fascinating," explained Cat.

"That's okay, you can keep your stories to yourself, I really don't want to hear them," reiterated Laura.

Cat and I looked at each other and we both smiled, as we knew we had something new to needle her about.

"Do you get to keep anything, you know, as a souvenir?" I asked, trying to get a rise out of Laura.

"You know, if I was the one wearing a skirt, and if I really hated the cold, and if I constantly whined about the cold, I wouldn't risk being tossed out of the car and being forced to walk the last quarter mile to school, when it is 24 F outside, by annoying the driver," interrupted Laura.

"Touch," I replied, as I redirected a heater vent.

Cat broke up laughing.

"I won't see you at lunch today. I have our group meeting with Ms. B," I announced.

"Do you need a lift home?" asked Laura.

"No, I have to go downtown with Mom. The DA wants to see us," I added. "Thanks for asking."

"Oh. Okay. Good luck," answered Laura.

"Thank you," I said. I'd be so glad when the whole trial thing was over.

At the meeting I noticed we were down to seventeen. As before, Caroline and I sat next to each other.

"I guess that isn't too bad. I thought we'd lose more," explained Caroline.

"So tell me, how are you and Paul doing?" I asked.

"Really good thanks. We're taking it slow. I think we both learned something from our first relationships," she said. She then looked up at me, as if she'd said something wrong. "Oops. Erika, I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry."

I smiled at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Paul did nothing wrong. Remember, I was the one who broke it up. I am very happy for both of you."

"Is there anyone in your life right now?" she asked.

"No, and that is fine. If something happens, well that's great, but I can survive without dating right now."

Just then Ms. B opened the meeting up. There were a few announcements and she then she threw out another question for us. "Okay, we'll go around the room and I want you to introduce yourself and tell us about your after-school job if you have one, or any school club you're involved with."

As before, we had some interesting answers. I was surprised that 12 of the 17 remaining candidates had jobs. As we went around the room, I could see how lucky I was. I easily had the best job, although a few were more interesting.

Denise, our Goth girl, was now playing drums in a local band. The other members of the band were all women, and their style was new age techno punk. She said that they were developing quite a following. She told us that they would be playing at an eighteen-and-under club nearby in a few weeks. Caroline and I whispered to each other that we would have to go see her play. I was trying to imagine what "new age techno punk" sounded like.

Debbie White worked as a volunteer at the hospital, where her mother worked as a nurse. Debbie was cute. She also got her hair cut at the same salon as I did. I remembered seeing her picture in there. Several other girls were waitresses and the rest had various sales jobs at the mall.

As we were dismissed, I asked Denise for a handout for her band. She seemed pleased that some of us would be there.

I waited around for everyone else to leave so I could talk to Ms. B.

"What's on your mind, Erika?" she asked.

"This afternoon, I find out the trial date, and I'm worried about what will happen here."

"Mrs. Lee and I have discussed it already. All contestants are legally minors, so we will turn down any requests by the press to interview any of you. We've survived controversy before this; and we'll weather this storm too. You just concentrate on yourself. And if there is some controversy, just remember it is not your fault; you did nothing wrong," she explained.

"Thanks. I'll let you know the date the trial tomorrow."

Mom was waiting for me after school. I was quiet the whole ride down.

By now the trip to the DA's office was very familiar. I said hi to his receptionist and sat down next to Mom. We were supposed to see Sam Warren, the DA, at 4:00PM but were still waiting at 4:30.

"Hi, Erika, I'm sorry I got delayed, please come back to my office. Glad to see you again, Jill," he apologized, as he looked at Mom and grinned.

We entered his office and sat down. "Jury selection for the trial will be the last week of January and we should be able to start the trial the following week. That is less than two months, but we will be ready," he announced.

"They really want this to go to trial?" asked Mom.

Sam nodded and took a file out of his briefcase and handed it to me. "Yes, it looks that way. I'm going to give you some homework, Erika. These are the rape laws and trial procedures. I want you read them and see that they are designed to protect you as much as possible."

"Will there be a quiz?" I asked.

Sam smiled slightly. "No, but the trial could be considered a final exam. I have also been in contact with Dr. McCall and Dr. Buford. I've worked with both of them on previous cases and they will be helping us to get you ready. After the holidays, we'll bring in a consultant who will act as the defense attorney. He knows all the tricks. He'll cross-examine you as if it was a real trial. He won't pull any punches, and it won't exactly be pleasant for you, but it will prepare you for the real thing."

"How much will the defense make of Erika being a transsexual?" asked Mom in a concerned voice.

It was a bit strange hearing Mom call me a transsexual.

"Actually, we expect it to be a huge part of their defense. It looks like they are going with the consensual sex defense and a form of gay rage defense, in that Jason snapped and beat Erika up when he discovered that Erika wasn't a 'real girl.' He claims that he only taped her up so he could get away," he explained. "They are going to portray Jason as the true victim in this case. They will probably round up a few so-called experts who will try to portray Erika as mentally ill or disturbed. But we are lining up our experts too."

I felt physically sick as Sam described their defense. I also knew that some people might actually believe it and I felt a shiver of fear run through my body.

"How can he lie like that? He KNEW I was a male back in September!" I exclaimed angrily.

"I know that, Erika. I fully plan on using that against them," replied Sam in a soothing manner.

"Sorry. I know that you're on my side," I apologized.

Sam smiled and nodded. "No need to apologize, Erika. I know how stressful this is for you."

I nodded slightly. The reality of the trial began to sink in. I cringed thinking how bad the trial might be.

Sam must have sensed my fear and turned to me. "Between your testimony, the physical evidence, and my expert witnesses, I will tear apart their defense," he reassured me. "I know you are scared, but I feel very confident about our case."

"I trust you," I answered, and tried to smile.

On the way home, I asked Mom if she believed what Sam had said.

"Yes, yes, I do. I've asked around and found out a few things about him. Sam used to be a detective in Philadelphia and while he was there he earned his law degree. He moved out here and became DA four years ago. He has prosecuted seventeen sexual felony assault cases since he has been here and has never lost one"

"Who told you all that?" I asked.

"Your group therapist. Karen and I talked last night, and she told me to have faith in Sam," confessed Mom. "She also told me that Sam has a very high standing in the LGBT community, so your being transsexual isn't an issue to him. In fact, Jenny says that he goes out of his way to ensure that victims like you get the best protection from the defense lawyers possible."

That made me feel better. I then turned and smiled. "Did she let you know if he was single?"

Mom laughed. "And what exactly do you mean by that, young lady?"

I laughed. "Mom, Sam obviously likes you. He can't do anything about it until the trial is over, but then I'll bet that he'll call and ask you out."

"Okay. I'll take you up on that. What do you want to wager?" asked Mom.

"If I win, you let me buy a car," I offered. I had been saving up for a while but Mom refused to let me buy a car because she wanted it to go for college. But I figured that by winning the scholarship her arguments would be pointless.

"And if I win?" she asked.

"I'll cook dinner for the rest of the school year."

"Hmm, you seem pretty confident. Well, I accept."

I know we were both hoping that I was right.

Chapter Fifty-One

My second group session went a lot better than the first. First off, I wasn't the center of attention. I was just a contributor like everyone else. I could still feel a little uneasiness from some of the others, but I wasn't sure if it was residual from the previous week or just because I was new. I did notice that two of the women from the previous week weren't there.

Karen went around the table and asked each person how their week had gone and to share anything on their mind. Much of what was said was very personal so I won't include it here. After all, they have all moved on with their lives.

When it was my turn, I talked about the anxiety of the upcoming trial and the unwanted spotlight on my life. Several of the women in the group had had their cases prosecuted by Sam Warren, and they confirmed the information that Karen had given Mom. They confirmed that he takes these cases very personally.

"So, do you know the name of the weasel who is defending your attacker?" asked Dana.

A woman named C.J. interrupted, "Excuse me, I object to the term weasel being applied to the defense lawyer. He is just doing his job," she said rather seriously. "Besides, I think it is an insult - to weasels that is!"

That caused a few laughs.

"I think his last name is Turner," I replied.

There was an audible silence in the room.

"Martin Turner?" asked Dana.

"Yes, that's it. Have you heard of him?" I asked.

The deafening silence returned to the room. I looked around and could see a lot of rage forming in some of their eyes.

"Yes, a few of us know him. He specializes in rape defense. He used to be in a big firm in Philadelphia, but they fired him and he ended up here. He works the entire area. I think he is trying to work his way back into the big leagues," murmured Dana. "He is an excellent lawyer and is a total SOB; he has absolutely no morals whatsoever."

"Erika, I don't want to scare you, but he will be very tough on you. He has won acquittals in many of his cases. The good news in that Sam Warren has beaten him every time they have gone head to head," added C.J.

I nodded. "I see." That was good news.

"Look, Erika, you need to be prepared for a rough time. The good thing is that we will have you prepared and you will get through it," added Karen.

"I appreciate your honesty and the help," I stated. I tried to act brave, but on the inside I was a bowl of Jell-O.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Cat, Laura, and I were out driving towards Westerville, around one hour south of Golden Hill. The sky was clear, but it was still very cold. They had gotten tired of listening to me complain about the lack of good Mexican-American food in town. Laura said that there was a place in the mall. I told her that a national fast food chain taco shop wasn't considered good Mexican-American food. She called me a California snob, and I told her she could always put gravy on her carne asada. So, we were going to a place that Paul's sister had told me about.

The drive took an hour, but no one seemed to mind as it gave us a chance to be together. Laura had been accepted at Penn State and was going to major in political science and Cat was looking for a school where she could major in criminal justice and minor in something related to forensics. And as for me, unless I won the scholarship, it looked like I would end up going to community college. Overall, it still meant that soon we would be split up, so we savored every moment together.

"You do have your budding career as an upscale women's clothing store salesgirl to fall back on," added Cat.

"It's salesperson, not salesgirl, thank you very much! Besides, you might be right. If I do go to school locally, I'll have a good job," I replied.

I told them all about Mel and how she had worked for Mrs. Lincoln since high school and that she had held her job through college.

"She adjusts Mel's work schedule to match her classes and ensures that she has time off during exams or when a paper is due. Cindy told me that Mrs. Lincoln has also provided financial support," I added.

"Still, you should have a plan in place if you win the scholarship," remarked Cat.

"Actually, I think I'll be taking a year off before I go to college," I announced.

"Why?" asked Laura

"Well, unlike you two, I haven't decided what I want to do. If I go to school locally, I can always transfer later on, "I continued.

"What else?" asked Cat.

"Well, there will be the whole transition thing: hormones, name change, and so on," I replied.

"You are sure about this?" asked Laura. I could sense her concern.

"Yes, even with everything that has gone on, I can see things very clearly," I stated confidently.

"That's great! I am so happy for you," exclaimed Laura.

"When can you start the hormones?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B suggests that I wait until the spring," I replied.

"Why the wait?" asked Laura, "That doesn't seem fair."

"Something about making sure that I am truly committed to the change. They are making us wait around six months from the time we told them," I added.

"So, Caroline will have a head start on you," remarked Cat.

"Yes, I am a little envious of her," I answered with a smile.

"Just like real life," smiled Laura, "I remember being envious of the girls who began to change before me."

"Well, it looks like you've caught up and passed them," quipped Cat.

Laura had a great figure and a really nice pair of breasts, and she knew it. We all broke out in laughter.

We easily found the restaurant and I was very impressed with their menu, everything looked very good. It was a family run place and they had moved here from Northern Mexico. Everything was made there, including their tortillas. Cat and Laura agreed it was worth the drive and much better than the taco place.

I told them about Denise and her band. Laura was instantly interested in going, she said it would be a lot of fun.

"So what about you, Cat?" I asked.

"Sorry, I am working that night," she explained

"I didn't tell you the night."

"Doesn't matter. I am sure I'll be working, or studying, or getting root canal surgery, or something like that."

"Sounds like Cat doesn't like the music," added Laura with a smile.

"I hate punk rock, I don't like techno music, and I can barely tolerate new age music. So, I am positive that a combination of the three would cause my eardrums to implode," explained Cat with a smile.

"Well, I want to go with you Erika," announced Laura. "I think it'll be fun."

"Sounds good," I answered.

Laura smiled at me. "But since we'll be going to a club, you'll have to let me do your makeup and your hair! I'll make you hot!"

Cat smiled at us and shook her head.

"You know, Erika, you and I are about the same dress size, I have a dress that will be perfect for you," added Laura with a big smile.

"I'll need a little padding in the front," I quipped.

"Not for much longer, my dear," laughed Laura.

"She has been dying to get her hands on you, and do a makeover, Erika, so you might as well surrender now," laughed Cat.

"Don't listen to her! It'll be a blast," smiled Laura.

Chapter Fifty-Three

We finished up our feast and headed back to Golden Hill. As we drove home I thought about the afternoon, it was the perfect balance to the stress caused by the assault and the pending trial. Laura dropped us off and Cat and I went into my house.

"How was the meal, girls?" asked Mom.

"Great! You'd like it a lot; we'll have to go there together sometime. I had forgotten how good real Mexican food was."

"What did you think, Cat?" asked Mom.

"She's right, it was worth the trip," Cat replied.

We grabbed a couple of sodas and headed up to my room. Cat looked at the banner that I had hung up above my bed.

"I am still amazed that we were able to get so many people to sign that in such a short period of time. We didn't expect you to be in school on Monday, we thought that we'd get a whole day at school to get it all signed, and so we had to rush around Sunday evening," explained Cat.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I promised not to tell you, but I think you'd want to know. After you told us you were planning on going to school on Monday, we quickly got the paper and set it up in Guido's and then started calling around. It sort of took on a life of its own after that. Kristen and Tracey took it to school early Monday and got the rest of the school to sign it before you got to school. Mrs. Lee saw what they were doing and made an announcement on the PA. She also passed the word to the staff to expect late arrivals during first period. Promise me you'll never tell anyone that I told you this!" revealed Cat.

"I promise!" I exclaimed. The value of the banner had just become priceless. It remains one of my most valued possessions to this very day.

"I just wanted you to know that you have a lot of good friends that will be there to support you," explained Cat.

"I know that. But there are people that signed this that I don't even know. I didn't think I was that popular," I stated.

Cat laughed. "They signed it because they wanted to show their support for you. Remember, I told you that our students are protective of girls like you. What happened to you shocked and stunned everyone."

"If I ever start feeling sorry for myself, please remind me to look at this work of art," I remarked. I had to wipe away a tear.

"Agreed! Now that we've gotten this 'Hallmark Moment' out of the way I need to talk to you about something," said Cat, as she sat on my bed.

I joined her. "What's up?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Laura really likes you," stated Cat.

I nodded. "I thought so."

"I think that you two would be a great couple, and I don't mind one bit if you two go out. It won't have any bearing on our friendship," explained Cat.

"So, is this why you aren't joining us when we go to the club next week?" I asked.

Cat shook her head with a smile. "No, I was serious about hating the music. Look, Erika, don't rush into anything if you don't feel up to it. Laura knows that you are still a little fragile."

"Has she talked to you about me?" I asked.

"No comment," replied a straight-faced Cat, "Let me just say that she knows that I have no problem with you two going out."

I thought about it for a moment. I remembered what Laura had said to me back when she first starting dating Cat. I'd asked her if she still liked boys and she'd told me that she liked "boys like you."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure, go ahead," replied Cat

"How does Laura see me?" I asked

"She obviously knows that you are still male, but she only knows Erika. She also knows that you want to be a female. I think she is attracted to that," answered Cat.

"How does this fit into the contest?" I asked.

"The rules don't forbid contestants from dating girls. It just doesn't happen all that often."

"Why not?"

"Well, to be honest, it is more a problem for the girls than the contestants. They want a boyfriend who will act and dress like a boy. They don't want a girlfriend. Some are afraid of being labeled a "lesbian." The girls who are lesbian don't want a boyfriend, or a pseudo-girlfriend. Not everyone is as liberated and open-minded as Laura and I," she explained.

"So, you are saying that the boys who date the contestants are more open-minded in their views on gender and sexuality?"

"You just opened a whole new topic. Yes, some of the guys are like Paul and they have enough confidence in themselves to date someone based on feelings of attraction, not the rules of society. Others do it because it's something daring. Then there are the guys who are gay, but closeted."

"How far into the closet can they be if they are openly dating a contestant?"

Cat smiled. "A lot! You still see the school social environment with new eyes. For those of us raised around it, we accept certain things and ignore others. No one considers it "gay" if a guy dates a contestant. It is never questioned. It's nice because it allows gays to avoid the harassment that happens in other schools."

"True, my old school was pretty liberal, but the gay students caught a lot of grief," I reminisced.

"Now, again this didn't happen overnight. Our senior class has been raised with these beliefs, so no one really questions what is going on at school as far as the contest is concerned. Hopefully this education in acceptance will spread to areas outside the competition and will stick with us when we go out into the world," continued Cat.

Maybe this is the true reason for the contest in the first place, I thought to myself.

Chapter Fifty-Four

I was getting more responsibilities at work. I spent a lot of time behind the counter and running the register where I was amazed by how much money some people spent there. Cindy told me that December was always their best month, largely due to holiday parties. Some women would spend a bundle on an outfit just for one party.

There were lots of little things that had to be done daily at the store. One thing that I could do only during the day was empty the trash. There was a long back hallway that ran behind all the stores, at the end of the hall was the exit that led to the dumpster. It was a long hallway and the sound echoed as you walked down it, especially if you were wearing heels. It was a bit creepy during the day, at night it was frightening, at least to me. I had tried to do it the first week of work and almost had a panic attack. I guess I was carrying around more baggage from the assault than I thought. Cindy and Mel both completely understood, even if I didn't.

I was determined to do this and Sundays were a good time to practice. I tried to pretend it was night. I felt good when I was able to walk down and dump the trash without feeling too edgy.

While I was walking back, the idiots in the next store decided to play a joke on me. The shop next to us was a leather shop. They had all sorts of really nice jackets. I'd been looking at a cute black leather jacket for the past few weeks. Anyway, as I walked back to our door one of the salesmen jumped out from their store and grabbed me from behind. I completely freaked out. I starting screaming and began kicking backward into his shin and stamping his foot with my heel. He let go, and I turned around and hit him several times, including a solid hit on his nose! Several other people came running to see what was happening.

Needless to say, I was angry and shaken, and he also was really pissed off. I'm not sure what made him most angry, but the fact that I'd given him a bloody nose may have been it. He was yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names. I was yelling right back at him. Cindy came out of our store and told me to go in, that she would handle this.

I needed a minute to calm down before I was able to rejoin Mel out in the store. I told her what had happened. I described the guy who I'd hit.

"Those morons. They are always doing stunts like that to the new employees," she exclaimed. "I went to school with a couple of them. Did you really give Cliff a bloody nose?"

"Yes, I guess I overreacted a little," I replied, a bit sheepishly. I was a bit embarrassed by it all and I worried that I might lose my job.

"No, you didn't. I only wish I could have seen it!" she replied, with a big smile on her face. "You really punched him in the nose?"

I nodded

"Good! Maybe they'll start acting their ages now!" She had a big smile on her face.

Then I saw Cindy come back in. She motioned me to meet her in the back.

"I know what happened and, after I talked to them, they felt really bad and extremely sorry that they'd pulled their dim-witted stunt on you. It has been so long since we've had a new employee that I forgot about their pranks. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry to cause any problems," I answered.

"You have nothing to apologize, for Erika," she reiterated.

I went back to work and put it behind me. Cindy put me to work putting together gift boxes in the backroom. After an hour of assembling various sized boxes, I was called back into the store.

Standing at the front counter was the guy I had hit. He was standing there with a sheepish look on his face. He was good looking, even with the slightly swollen nose. He was tall, around 6-2, and had short brown hair, a moustache, and goatee, and blue eyes.

"Hi, I'm Cliff. I really want to apologize for what happened. They told me what happened to you last month, so I can fully understand your reaction. I'm really sorry," he apologized.

I nodded. "Thanks, apology accepted. How is your nose?"

He reached up and touched it. "Sore. By the way you've got a good right! Oh, I almost forgot, the guys and I got you this. Our way of saying we're sorry."

He handed me a bag. Inside was a small gift basket from the gourmet food shop. I could see all sorts of exotic goodies in it, "Thank you very much. You didn't have to do this," I replied.

"Yes, he did," interrupted Mel, looking into the bag.

He turned around and smiled at Mel. I noticed she didn't return it. He turned and looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and then winked at me, "Well, nice meeting you under better circumstances. If you ever need anything, please let me know."

I watched him leave. I looked over at Mel and she was smiling.

"Always good to put men in their place, every now and then. So, let's see what's in the basket," Mel added.

"You like him?" I asked.

"Who Cliff? He was an immature oaf in high school and he hasn't changed one bit, and the answer is yes. But don't you dare tell him that!" she said with a big smile.

I decided to put the contents of the basket back in our break area. We still had an hour until closing and I spent the rest of the time helping Mel set up a new display of seasonal items - mostly stuff like scarves and gloves and a few hats. Cindy told me that these were big sellers, often on impulse due to the temperature outside.

Just before we closed, Cat came in.

"Hi, Erika, you need a lift home?" she asked.

"That would be cool. You don't mind waiting?" I answered.

"No, not at all."

I introduced her to Cindy and Mel.

It took around half an hour to finish up after the store closed. Cindy checked the receipts and then always put the cash drawer in the back. Mel and I cleaned up and wiped down the front counter. Then we had to go change and get back into our own clothes. This was my favorite time of the day, as I was free of my heels, although I was getting more used to them.

On the way home, I told Cat about what had happened.

"You really punched him?" she asked.

"Yes, several times. I feel bad about it now, but at the time I was so angry at him," I replied

"Did he tell you his last name?" asked Cat.

"No, just his first name. Why?" I asked.

"He's Kristen's older brother. I can't wait to tell her!" Cat informed me.

"Please don't, he said he was sorry," I pleaded.

"Don't worry, he'll probably tell her before we do!"

Chapter Fifty-Five

The next week of school flew by. I was kept very busy, as it seemed every teacher was trying to get in everything possible in the weeks before the holiday break. Work was also starting to get more hectic as we were fully into the party season. I was really looking forward to the weekend, specifically Saturday night. That would be the night that Laura, Caroline, and I were going to the club to see Denise play. Their band was called "The Downfall of Humanity." Yes, it was a dumb name, but they seemed to like it. Paul dropped out, claiming a sudden attack of musical appreciation.

The only other thing of note that week was another meeting with the DA. As before, Mom took me down to see him. I kidded her about the bet. It was a pretty routine meeting to update us on what was happening. He wanted to inform us that the third set of DNA tests confirmed what the first two showed.

I then told him what my support group had said about Martin Turner.

"I wouldn't expect them to have a high opinion of him. Martin has made a lot of enemies through his courtroom tactics. He tries to justify his actions by claiming that he is trying to protect his client, but I think he does it to satisfy his own ego," he stated bluntly.

"Did you know him when you were in Philadelphia?" I asked.

"I thought your friend Cat wanted to be the detective?" he said with a smile. "Yes, I knew him there. When I was on the force I testified against several of his clients. He was much worse then. He has become more refined and far more dangerous."

"So, what happened?" asked Mom.

He smiled at her; "He tried to refute my testimony during cross- examination and was failing miserably. He kept pressing on a specific point until he was told to stop by the judge. I could tell that he was about to lose his temper, so when he looked over at me I just smiled at him. He snapped and totally lost his temper. He just started ranting and raving, and he was taken out and held in contempt of court. He ended up being fired after that. But he won't make that mistake again."

"Do you think he's working up this way so he can beat you?" asked Mom.

Sam nodded. "Most likely, but he would deny it. What he does not realize is that I know his tricks. I can prepare my case and my witnesses to nullify his strengths. He is an excellent lawyer, but he has been taking cases that he has no chance of winning just to get a shot at me. The problem in this case is that the defendant is just as delusional. Our case against them is very strong and their defense has many holes in it. But they want to go through with it, even though juries will probably give a harsher penalty that what has been offered."

"If Jason did plead guilty today, how long would he be in jail?" I asked.

"If he was well behaved and stayed out of trouble, he would still serve at least twenty years," he explained. "But I doubt he will stay out of trouble; he has a bad temper and a big mouth, a really bad combination."

"Only twenty years?" I queried. "I would have thought he'd get more years."

"His age and the fact that he is a first time offender will be in his favor during sentencing," explained Sam.

He walked us out to the lobby. I excused myself to use the restroom. I really didn't have to go, I just wanted to give them some time together.

As we drove home, Mom brought up my sudden departure.

"Are you trying to hedge your bet?" she asked.

"I have no idea of what you are talking about. I merely had to go to the bathroom. My, you are suspicious!" I stated as I protested my innocence.

"To be honest, I don't mind if I lose this bet, the consolation prize would be very nice," she smiled.

Chapter Fifty-Six

Caroline and I arrived at Laura's house around 7:30PM. Laura said she wanted time to work on me before we went to the club. Caroline was already ready to go. Her aunt had done her makeup, and she was wearing a very hot looking red dress.

I put myself completely into Laura's hands. She made my eyes much more dramatic than I had ever seen them. She told me that, due to the lighting in the club, my makeup would have to be a bit heavier and more extreme. I wasn't sure if I believed her, but it sounded logical. She finished my makeup and then she brushed my hair out and used a styling gel to finish the effect. When I saw myself, I almost didn't recognize my own face.

She told me that the dress was hanging up in the bathroom. It was a very slinky black dress. It was also slightly low cut. She had a push- up bra sitting out on the counter with a note stating, "Try Me!" on it." I was impressed by the fact that, once I had it on, I looked like I actually had breasts. I was very excited by my new look. It wasn't a way I wanted to look all the time, but it was fun getting dressed up.

Laura had changed while I was in the bathroom. She was also in red and her dress was very similar to the one I was wearing. Before we left for the club, Laura's mom took pictures of us.

We all piled in Laura's car. It only took ten minutes to get to the club. That night there were three other bands playing besides "The Downfall of Humanity." We saw a lot of people from school. I had heard of this place but this was my first time here. The man who ran it ensured that only eighteen and younger got in. Additionally he was strict about drugs and underage drinking. He also owned several other clubs in the area that were for adults, including several in the college area.

Laura made sure that we walked around and that everyone saw us. She was having a lot of fun. I was too. It felt really good to do something silly and fun.

We sat down with some friends from school. The first band was playing mostly '80s and '90s dance music. From what we could tell, Denise and her band would be the next band that night. Much to my initial annoyance, I was asked to dance by a guy from school. My dancing skills were no better now than back at Homecoming. Luckily, it was dark and the dance floor was very crowded.

I have to admit it - I was starting to enjoy dancing. Laura walked over and took my hand and led me out to the dance floor. Now as you know, girls can dance together in clubs and most people don't even look twice at them. But a blind man could have seen that there was something growing between Laura and me. Fortunately it wasn't a slow dance, but even dancing apart there was a deep sense of attraction. We got many knowing looks when we walked back to our seats.

Caroline leaned over and whispered, "Don't take this the wrong way, but watching you and Laura out there was very hot!"

I immediately felt my face blushing. Thankfully, it was too dark for anyone to see. I was feeling very confused. I would have killed to have a girl like Laura when I was back in San Diego. But now I viewed her so differently. Oh, I was attracted to her, but it felt different. I didn't feel turned on like I had when I had been Eric. Now it was different. Yes, even now I find it hard to describe, but it did feel very good.

Another cool thing about the club was the variety of kids there. There were people there dressed in many styles ranging from very causal to very dressed up. We sat and waited while they got the stage set for Downfall. They came out and took the stage and then they started into their first song.

Let me say that I give them a lot of credit for getting up there and playing. I also must admit that they seemed to have their fans. However, their music was very bad, and I don't mean bad in the good sense.

Caroline leaned over and shouted, "They're better than her old band!"

I should also point out that they were also very loud. Actually loud wasn't a good enough description. Deafening might be a better choice of words.

When they finished, we were trying to come up with words to describe them.

"I think they are missing something," noted Laura.

"Talent?" wisecracked Caroline.

Laura and I laughed. "No, I think they should stick with one style of music," I remarked.

"Which style?" asked Caroline

"Probably punk would fit them best," decided Laura.

I nodded in agreement.

"Here comes Denise, quick, think up some lies!" smiled Caroline.

"Hi everyone. I really appreciate you coming tonight," Denise thanked us. "So, what do you think?"

There was a long pause. No one wanted to go first. Actually, no one wanted to say anything. I looked at Laura and then Caroline. I guess that it was up to me.

"You want some constructive criticism, Denise?" I asked.

"Always," she stated, sitting down next to us.

"Your style is a little too exotic for your audience. I think you should go with something a bit more traditional," I explained. "Maybe just punk, for example."

"So we should play the classics? Like the Ramones or the Sex Pistols, groups like that? That might be a good idea," nodded Denise. "Thanks a lot for being honest. I've always liked that about you. I'll run your idea by the rest of the group. Thanks for coming!"

"You know the other day you were saying that you didn't know what you wanted to do?" queried Laura.

"Yes. What about it?" I asked.

"Try politics. That was very impressive, you basically told her that the band was awful and she thanked you!" replied Laura.

We all started laughing.

At least The Downfall wasn't the worst band of the evening. The third band tried to be hard rock. The problem was that they couldn't play together and the lead singer kept forgetting the lyrics. It was so bad that the crowd began to yell the words out to him.

At least the last band could play. The music was similar to the first group and did all cover music of popular songs. At least people could dance to it. I danced a few more dances before Laura monopolized me for the rest of the night. I know we were getting the same amount of stares, but I noticed them less. I particularly enjoyed the last slow dance with her.

A bunch of us decided to meet at a local 24-hour diner. We arrived in several cars and piled into a couple of booths. Everyone was in a great mood. We had less than two full weeks of school left until the break. Only eight school days total. People were sharing their holiday plans. Some were heading out of town and some were having family visit from far away. A few people asked me if I was looking forward to my first white Christmas. I laughed and told them that I preferred the green ones back in San Diego, but I would survive.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

As we drove back to Laura's house, Caroline suggested that Laura should drive me home, as it would be faster. Besides, she said that she lived in the opposite direction. I think she just wanted to let Laura drive me home alone!

I was going to go change but Laura suggested that I just wear the dress home. She said that my mom would like to see me dressed. So she went in quickly and got my stuff. I stayed in the car and turned up the heater.

"Whoa, how cold are you?" It's like an oven in here," quipped Laura, as she got back in the car. She turned it down a bit.

"This dress isn't exactly made for cold weather," I explained.

"I think it's perfect. Just like you," replied Laura softly.

On the drive over I could tell that Laura wanted to say something. I decided to wait. We pulled into my driveway and she stopped the car and put it in park. She turned and looked at me.

She reached up and brushed my hair back from my face. "I think you know how I feel about you, Erika. I truly love you. But I know that you may not be ready for this. I don't want to push you. But I want you to know that I will be here for you."

I felt her hand slip to my cheek. I closed by eyes and felt a slight tremble. It wasn't from cold or fear. Rather it was one of those pleasure waves that run through your body when it is experiencing something wonderful.

"I want to be with you too," I answered. "But, I do need to take it slow. I don't want this to burn out quickly."

With those words she leaned over and gently kissed me. She pulled me closer and held me tight. Now I had kissed girls before, but this was different. First off, it was strange not being the aggressor. Laura had taken charge and for some reason this felt very nice. Second, the kissing itself was different. It was more mutual. I felt very much at ease and things became very clear.

She stopped and sat back. "Well?" she asked with a smile.

I felt myself blushing from excitement. "That was very nice."

Laura smiled. "I will go with your desires and we'll go slowly. I know that you're going through a lot right now, and that the thing I want to do is to make your life more complicated."

I laughed. "Too late. But it is a nice sort of complication. I just don't know if I am ready to get back into a relationship."

"One of the things I love about you, Erika, is your honesty," she added.

"Thanks. I have one question and please don't take this the wrong way. How much of your attraction for me is the fact that I am going through this transition?" I asked.

From the look on her face, I could tell that my question wasn't exactly a surprise. "I was expecting that one. I admit that I find what you are going through very intriguing, and I can't wait until you go on hormones and to see your true body grow. But my attraction is for you. I love this beautiful girl sitting next to me. I love your personality and your sense of humor. I want to be with you, Erika, no matter what form your body is."

"Thank you. I'd better get inside. I had a great night!"

Laura leaned over and kissed me again. I closed my eyes and returned her passion. I felt myself trembling from excitement as we kissed.

"Goodnight, sweetie," she cooed. "I'll wait until you get inside before I leave."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Good night," I replied. I hesitated with my next response. "I love you." I felt myself blushing again.

"I love you too," she replied. "By the way, you're really cute when you blush!"

I grabbed my clothes and closed her car door. I walked up to my house and gave her one last look before I went inside. My life had just taken another interesting turn.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Mom was waiting for me as I got in from going to the club.

"Oh, my, you look great!" exclaimed Mom.

"Thanks, I had a lot of fun," I stated as I set down my stuff.

"I can tell!" smiled Mom. "Whoever she was, I like the color of her lipstick."

"Ooops!" I exclaimed as I looked in the mirror and saw Laura's lipstick on my cheeks. "I forgot about that. It's Laura's."

"I see. I take it this was more than just a friendly little kiss. Don't get me wrong Honey, I am not judging you, I just want you to be happy," stated Mom.

"Thanks, Mom!"

"So, do you want tea or hot chocolate?" asked Mom, knowing that we would be staying up for a while.

"I'll take tea please," I replied.

We spent an hour or so talking about it. Mom was very understanding. She told me that she expected me to be flexible in my sexuality. She said that Laura would always be welcome in our house. She then asked me how we would be received in school.

"Most of the kids don't seem to care. Laura may get more grief than I do. She did say that she got a note in her locker calling her a dyke, but considering they spelled it D-I-K-E, she didn't really worry about it. You know, I could be one of the first students ever to be called both faggot and dyke in the same school year!" I quipped.

We both laughed about that.

"How do you think her parents will feel about you?"

"Good question. They did warm up slightly to Cat when Laura was dating her, so who knows?"

I went to bed with a lot of questions, but also with a sense of security in knowing that my mom and friends would support me.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

The next couple of weeks were a complete blur. School was busy, work was busy, and my private life was busy. I'll talk about school first.

As I stated earlier, my teachers seemed to be trying to get as much work crammed into our schedule as was possible. My biggest project was my Civics paper. Mr. Kline, my teacher, liked my rough draft. He had me stay after school one afternoon so he could read it and provide constructive criticism.

"Well written paper, but you need to pay closer attention to your grammar and spelling. I recommend that you have someone edit it for you," he suggested. He was sitting on the edge of his desk, drinking a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, I thought I had caught them all. It does bother me when I miss the mistakes, sometimes my mind is running in a faster gear than my typing," I explained. Unfortunately, I still have that problem; some things never change!

"What's new on the trial front?" he said.

I told him about the trial date being set and the issues with the defense lawyer. I appreciated that he treated me like an adult when we talked about the trial.

"Unfortunately, that is one of the necessary evils of having a fair legal system. You must allow the defendant to have a fair trial and any restrictions on them could sway things too far in favor of the prosecution," he quipped.

We both laughed slightly.

"I understand the need for a fair system. That doesn't make it any easier when I have to be subjected to a public verbal assault," I stated angrily.

"If you feel up to it I'd like you to address next semester's Civics class. Your insight into the workings of our legal system would be an interesting lecture," he offered.

"You want me to teach a class?" I asked. I was stunned by his request.

"Sure, why not?" he continued. "Think about it, you don't have to make up your mind now. But I think you'd like doing it."

He'd definitely given me something to think about.

Work was going really good - too good. We were swamped and during our shift we barely had time to think, let alone take a break. I think my breaking in period was more to get my feet used to heels than anything else! I was getting a nice paycheck and it allowed me to get my shopping done without having to borrow from Mom. I did some of my shopping at the store, thanks to my employee discount. Cindy said that we should be getting a great bonus this year.

The guys in the leather goods shop were really nice to me and they had also become very protective of me. They often walked me out to the parking lot at the end of the day. I was pleased that they watched over me, as I was still a bit uneasy about being alone at night.

One more thing, Mel had started going out with Cliff. They were so different, but they seemed to get along great.

My group meetings were going well. I looked forward to my weekly group session. The initial hostility was a thing of the past. Dana had really taken to me and told me that, if I wanted, she would be in the court during the trial. I sort of looked at her as a role model. I decided that I wouldn't become as bitter and angry was she had become. It was a shame because that Dana could be such a nice and caring person, but she was carrying around so much anger and hostility. I felt sorry for her, as deep down I suspected that she wanted to get rid of her rage. I thanked her but told her that it wouldn't be necessary. Karen and I had a long talk about it and she agreed that I had done the right thing.

Then there was my social life. First off, Paul and Caroline were really becoming close. They went everywhere together. We were still good friends and my having dated him wasn't an issue.

Laura and I were slowly getting closer. This was due more to my being so busy as anything. I knew that I was falling deeply in love with her and that I was also getting comfortable with her taking the more dominant role in the relationship.

Chapter Sixty

The last day of school before the break was a rather eventful day. We had an impromptu meeting with Ms. B, as she wanted to talk to all of us about the contest and the holidays. She hinted at some sort of reward for everyone who stayed in and reminded us to follow the rules. After the meeting I stayed around to talk to her.

"I hope you have a good break Erika. I have really enjoyed having you in the competition this year," she complimented.

"It's been interesting, to say the least. I want to give you this," I stated, as I handed her a package.

She took the gift and smiled back at me. "You shouldn't have, Erika! Do you want me to open it now?"

"Yes, please," I replied. "It isn't much, but you have meant a lot to me and I wanted to give you something."

Ms. B opened the box and took out a charcoal gray scarf. "It's very lovely. This is very thoughtful!"

She gave me a long hug.

The rest of the school day was a lot of fun. Most of the teachers accepted the fact that no one wanted to be there and we didn't do a lot. The only class that I did any work in was Home Economics and all we did was make cookies. We made a lot for the scavengers who hung outside the door on the days we cooked. Mrs. Roberts didn't mind as long as they didn't disrupt the class. I looked over and saw Alex peeking in. I picked up a plate of sugar cookies and took them out to him. When I stepped out into the hallway to talk to Alex, I naturally found Mike with him.

"What class are you guys skipping right now?" I asked.

"Shhhh! Actually, if you give us a few extra we can bribe Mr. Grant and not get into trouble," begged Mike, with a smile.

"Here, take the whole plate. Have a great holiday!" I exclaimed.

Mike took the plate and then gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. Alex did the same and they took off back to math class.

I walked back into class with a big smile on my face.

"So who was out there today?" asked Mrs. Roberts.

"Just my guardian angels," I told her.

I had to hurry home as Mrs. Lincoln had asked me to work early that week. I had to be in at 4:30 instead of 6:00, but I really didn't mind. I rushed home to shower and change. I had just finished getting dressed when Mom came home.

"Hi, honey, do you need a ride to work?" she asked.

"Yes, please! You're home early, is everything OK?"

"It's perfect. They let us out early today because of the holidays," she answered. "I also got the promotion!"

I ran over to her and gave her a big hug. "That is so cool. I am so happy for you!"

On the way to work, she told me all about it. She would have to take a few classes at the college, but they were paying for them. It also meant a big pay raise. It was the perfect present!

For the first hour of our shift we worked with the day people. The only one I knew was the seamstress, Rita, whom I had met during Homecoming. She was working longer hours for the holidays and often could get a dress altered immediately, depending on the customer. Certain customers got extra special treatment from Mrs. Lincoln. I know what you are thinking, but it wasn't because they were rich or had just spent a lot of money in the store. Some customers just ended up on Mrs. Lincoln's "A" list and were treated extra special.

I carried the trash out by myself that night. It was the first time that I done it alone without feeling really frightened. It was a small step, but at least I was moving forward.

The mall stayed open until 10:00, and we had customers in the store until almost 10:30. Mrs. Lincoln's policy was that you never turn a customer away. Fortunately, they all spent a lot of money so it was worth it.

It took longer to close down the store. Mel and I spent almost 40 minutes straightening up the stacks of clothes. It was almost 11:30 before we had changed and were ready to go home. I was impressed that Mrs. Lincoln was there the whole time. Before we left, she called us over and handed each of us an envelope.

"Now, here are your bonuses. I want to thank each of you for getting through another hectic holiday season, but don't forget that we still have the New Year to deal with."

I didn't expect that much of a bonus as I had only been there for a few weeks. Still it was the thought that counted. I was stunned to see a check for $500.00.

"This must be a mistake, Mrs. Lincoln," I explained.

"Excuse, me young lady, but I never make mistakes," she replied sternly. "You have worked very hard since you got here and I want to make sure that you stay with us. However, I want you to put some of that away for college."

"Thank you so much," I replied. I then gave her a hug.

"Have a wonderful Christmas, but don't forget I will need you all in for the New Year's Eve rush," she added.

Cindy drove me home and we talked a little about Mrs. Lincoln , the store and the holidays. We gave each other a big hug as she dropped me off at home.

As I walked up the sidewalk, I noticed how still everything was. There were a few inches of snow on the ground and the sky was clear and totally free of clouds. The air was cold and clean. I hesitated before going inside. I looked up at the stars. The sky was filled with them and they looked so close. I was snapped out of my trance by Cindy who was waiting for me to go in.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. Happy Holidays!" I waved goodnight and I entered the house.

Mom was waiting for me by the front door, "What's up?" she asked. "I heard Cindy's car pull up and I didn't hear you come in, so I got a little concerned."

"I'm fine. I was just taking in the beautiful night. I no longer feel afraid of the dark."

"That's wonderful, honey," she exclaimed, and we hugged. I knew she was more worried about me than she let on.

It was amazing, the fear that had gripped me when I was outside at night had just vanished. I can't explain it but it was like a big weight had been taken off my shoulders.

Chapter Sixty-One

I won't go into Christmas other than to say that we all had a wonderful time. I'd rather focus on New Year's Eve and the party at Kristen's. I probably should have devoted more time earlier describing Kristen Carr. She was the head cheerleader and probably the most popular girl in school. Additionally, she was dating the star quarterback. She's blonde, beautiful, friendly and intelligent. This combination could be very dangerous in most other people; the potential to be a totally stuck up conceited bitch was very high. However, Kristen is a genuinely nice person. She was friendly and social with most students on campus, and I am proud to consider her one of my closest friends.

While we didn't socialize a lot, due to our conflicting schedules, we'd become great friends. She sat next to me in Ecology and we'd ended up as lab partners. We did a big project together on endangered species. We put together a PowerPoint presentation. We focused on captive breeding programs in the US. It was a big success. The class especially liked the list of websites that had live web cams showing mothers and their young. We'd got lucky as the San Diego Zoo had a web cam on their new baby chimpanzee and her mom. We ended up with the top grade in the class.

When I was elected to the Homecoming court I'd been a bit worried that Kristen might be upset with me being on the court. I couldn't have been more wrong. I later found out that she had campaigned for me to be on her court and had told a few irate parents that she would boycott Homecoming if I were excluded.

She didn't even mind the fact that her boyfriend was protective of me. In fact, she encouraged him to do so. Then of course, she was one of the leaders of the group that created the banner for me. I know that today some people question if she is really that nice. I can testify that it isn't just hype from a PR man.

Kristen was also really cool about the incident with her brother Cliff. He'd felt even worse once he found out that I was a friend of his sister's. She told me that she thought it was really funny that I had given him a bloody nose.

Anyway, the big New Year's Eve party would be at her family's house. Alex suggested that they could hold it in the barn, but the lack of heat killed that idea. Kristen also wanted it to be a dress up party. She wanted a classy event that we would remember the rest of our lives, not a drunken party.

Cat, Laura, and I decided to go all out for the party. We made an appointment at the salon to get our hair and nails done on Dec. 30th. Laura was a bit wary at going to a different place, but Cat convinced her it would be okay. As we had our nails done she commented on how nice this place was.

"They are much better than the place I've been going to. Why didn't you tell me about this place earlier?" she asked.

"We did!" replied Cat and I in unison.

On our way out Laura noticed my photo in their gallery, "Well! I didn't know I was in the presence of a celebrity!" she said with a laugh.

The evening of the party we all met at Laura's house. She insisted on doing our makeup. Cat was a little apprehensive about it. She didn't care for the overdone look she had seen in the pictures from the night we went to the club. But Laura promised to tone it down a notch. She did a great job on both of us, and while she finished her own makeup Cat and I changed.

When Mrs. Lincoln had heard me talking about the party, she'd insisted that she provide me with a dress. She loaned me a very beautiful and very expensive black, sleeveless dress. I was initially afraid to even try it on, but she insisted. Cindy had told me that Mrs. Lincoln saw her employees as the daughters she'd never had, so it was pointless to argue with her. I had to admit that I really loved the way I looked in the dress.

I hadn't shown it to Cat and Laura, as I wanted to surprise them. They both looked stunned and slightly envious when they first saw me in it. Mom had helped me pick out my jewelry and shoes. I was wearing four- inch heels and had a simple gold chain around my neck and small gold hoop earrings.

Cat smiled at my appearance. "Erika, I can't believe how great you look."

I looked over at Laura and she was just staring at me.

"Well?" I replied as I posed for Laura.

"You look good enough to eat," quipped Laura.

"Save it for later you two. Don't make me have to hose you both down!" joked Cat.

Both Cat and Laura looked great. Cat was also in black, while Laura was dressed in red. We had a lot of fun posing for photos taken by Laura's mom.

Chapter Sixty-Two

We arrived at Kristen's house a little after 9:30. The party was just getting started. Kristen was very pleased to see us and she gave us a quick tour. Her family had a beautiful home.

I looked around the party and saw many of the crowd from the football parties. I was happy to see that Mike and Tracey were there as well as Paul and Caroline. Caroline and I were the only two contestants at the party. That really wasn't a surprise as the others ran in different social circles. I was happy to run into Rachael. She joked that I looked better in a dress than she did. I was pleased to see that she was dating Chris Taylor. They had started as training partners during their respective seasons and it had just kind of developed into romance.

The party was spread out over the house. The downstairs family room had been cleared for dancing. In the dining room a huge buffet was set up. The living room was the place for talking. We made the rounds to see who was there. When we reached the family room, Laura insisted on the two of us dancing. I was getting better but was still far from graceful. Laura told me what was important was that I was at least trying to dance.

We ended up dancing with other people including Cat. I even danced once with Paul. After dancing a while I needed a break and I headed upstairs. I was getting something cold to drink when Kristen's mom came up to me. We had met once at one of the football parties.

"You're Erika, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes, I am, Mrs. Carr."

"That's a lovely dress. May I ask where you bought it?" she asked.

I explained to her that it was from the shop where I worked, and that it had been loaned to me.

"So, how's everything else going?" she asked. "We were so shocked to hear what that beast did to you."

"I'm doing better; the trial will start in early February. I'll be glad when it's over," I replied. I really didn't mind her questions.

"I just want you to know that the community is behind you 100%. If you need anything, let us know. We have a lot of pull in this town," she bragged.

"Thank you, I appreciate your concern," I replied honestly.

"Also, let me know if Cliff does anything stupid. Sometimes I'm not sure he has any common sense whatsoever," she quipped with a smile.

"Actually, he has been really nice to me and he even stayed with me while I was waiting for my ride home," I replied in Cliff's defense.

She smiled, pleased that he had redeemed himself. "It was nice talking to you, Erika. I'll let you get back to your friends."

"Thank you, Mrs. Carr." I turned around and saw Cat and Laura coming upstairs.

"Come on Erika, it's almost time for the ball to come down!" announced Cat.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 11:45. Kristen was getting everyone into the living room. Mrs. Carr came in with a tray of champagne glasses. There was some ooohing and ahhhing from the guys.

"Don't get too excited, it's just sparkling grape juice," explained Kristen.

So, everyone had a glass while waiting for the ball to fall and signal the new year. I thought about everything that had happened to me that year and it barely seemed real. I almost got lost in my thoughts, but was snapped back to reality by Laura who had wrapped her arm around my waist.

"Ready to bring in the New Year?" she asked.

I smiled back, "Absolutely! Oh. I just remembered, here take these coins, it's supposed to be good luck to be holding money at midnight on New Year's," I said as I handed her and Cat some coins from my purse.

"Do you really believe that?" asked Laura, as she looked at the coin.

"I see no reason to take any chances!" I replied.

We watched as the clock ticked down. Everyone counted down the last few seconds, " Five.... Four... Three.... Two.... One!" Then everyone yelled "Happy New Year!"

We toasted with the grape juice and everyone began hugging and kissing. Laura pulled me close and we embraced. She looked at me and then we kissed. It was long and very sensual. I was feeling tingles all over my body. Fortunately, we stopped before we went too far.

"Happy New Year, sweetie," she whispered in my ear.

We hung out at the party for a few more hours. Yes, I know that it may have sounded a bit tame, but at least everyone made it home in one piece. I know there were other parties in town that had lots of drinking and other things. But I figured that my life was complicated enough. I also wanted to stay out of trouble. The last thing I wanted to do was to give Jason any ammunition for the trial.

Cat asked me if I wanted her to see about getting a ride home so Laura and I could be alone. I thanked her for the option but I really wasn't ready to go any farther with Laura. I found it ironic that I was dating one of the prettiest girls on campus and I was the one taking it slowly. I wasn't sure of the reason for my apprehension. Maybe there was some residual effect from the attack or maybe I wasn't totally comfortable with my new gender/sex role. Fortunately, Laura was very understanding.

"Look, we agreed to take this slow and I'm willing to wait," explained Laura, "But I must admit that it is very difficult to hold back looking at you in that dress."

I smiled and leaned over and kissed her, "Thank you, I really love you."

There was a sudden exodus and soon we were the last group there. So we decided to help Kristen clean up. The only other people still there, besides us, were Alex, Mike, and Tracey.

Mrs. Carr felt we got to the worst of it and told us that they would get the rest later. We ended up sitting in the living room talking. It was just starting to sink in that in less than six months we would be going our separate ways. Even though I had only known these people for less than a year, I felt very close to all of them. I think everyone picked up on the significance of the moment and that everything would soon be different. There was a desire to hold on to this feeling forever.

Mrs. Carr, sensing what was going on, had us all get together for a group shot. She told us that she would get us all copies.

"This is the kind of photo that you will hold onto for the rest of your lives," she explained.

She was right. I had my copy framed, and I still get a smile whenever I look at it.

Chapter Sixty-Three

As fun as the party was, it also marked the end of our break. It was time to get back into the routine of going to school again. I looked over my planner and saw how my week shaped up. I was still working four days a week. Then there was group therapy on Saturdays and my separate sessions with Jenny every other Tuesday. The latest thing added to my schedule was my running.

Coach Chambers wanted me to be on the track team in the spring, and I had been slacking off in my running. I'd stopped after the attack, and I kept finding excuses not to start again. I had no desire to run outside. I was getting more used to the cold, but still didn't want to run outside. So I decided to join the local fitness center. It was located in the mall, so I got an employee discount. They had machines, but I preferred to use their track, even if it meant running lots and lots of laps. The good thing about the running was that it gave me time to work off my growing anxiety about the trial.

Actually, I wasn't sure how much help I would be to the track team. I was a long distance runner and the longest event for girls was only the 3K. Coach asked me if I was interested in trying the pole vault, as they only had one girl presently on the team who competed in that event. She said that she had a friend who could coach me. I said that I would give it a try, but I doubted that I would be a big help. Coach told me that she mainly wanted me around on the team because I was a good teammate.

So, between school, work and training I didn't have a lot of free time. This suited me fine. I still had a social life and there was also my budding romance with Laura. I thought that staying busy was the best way to cope with everything that had happened and with the trial. After all I had been making great advances in the past few weeks, so I thought that the worst was behind me.

To be honest, the competition had become secondary. It was still very important to me, but as I was moving towards transition it all was looking so easy. The meetings and the upcoming tasks were merely small hurdles. I also stopped looking at the display case. Looking back I was pretty arrogant about it all.

The first day back we had a meeting with Ms. B. The first thing that everyone noticed was that we were down to ten contestants. Of course, Caroline was back, as were Denise, Ann, Debbie, Claire, and Lisa. I'll go into the other three later. Caroline figured that Denise would stick it out to the end too. She just liked her female persona and she treated it as if it was just another phase of life. That was fine with me. I liked her a lot and I found her attitude very refreshing.

Ms. B was pleased to see as many of us back. She told us that were now guaranteed a minimum $1000.00 scholarship regardless of how much longer we lasted. It was our reward for making it through the holidays. This naturally caught us all off guard. This was a drop in the bucket for a major school, but it would cover a lot of the costs for community college.

"Now, if you are all done celebrating, I have a date for you to write down. The first weekend in April you will all be models for a fashion show to be held at the Chamber of Commerce Luncheon. There will be a practice session on Saturday and the actual show will be on Sunday," she announced.

There was stunned silence in the room. I thought this sounded like fun, but as I looked around the room at the faces of some of the other contestants, I figured we'd be down to single digits by tomorrow.

"There will be additional information on the show as we get closer. However, I want to let you all know that this group always gives a scholarship to at least one model every year," continued Ms. B.

After the meeting, she asked me to stay behind. She looked concerned.

"Is there something wrong Ms. B?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. How are you holding up?" she asked.

"I feel great. Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Well, some of your friends are a bit worried. They think you may be trying to do too much," she explained.

"I'm okay. I appreciate their concern but, to be honest, I haven't felt this good in a long time," I replied. It was true. I felt great.

By the look on her face, I don't think I convinced Ms. B. "If you need help, please come see me."

"I promise," I replied. I felt pleased knowing my friends cared about me.

Chapter Sixty-Four

The following weekend I had my first practice cross-examination. Mom drove me over to the college and dropped me off. Karen and Jenny brought in a retired lawyer to act as the defense attorney. He was an older man, medium build, very distinguished looking, with gray hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a tailored three-piece suit. They set up the classroom to simulate the courtroom and told me to pretend that this was the real thing.

I thought that it wouldn't be that bad, but I was wrong; it was brutal. His questioning was fast paced and I barely had time to think. He became impatient and raised his voice when he addressed me. He also used sarcasm when referring to my name and gender. I was suckered into losing my temper in less than ten minutes. My anger grew and I began to loose control, as he hit me with question after question, and soon I was confused and rambling. Still, he didn't stop it. After twenty minutes I could barely remember my name. By the 30-minute point I was a total wreck. I was almost ready to start crying. That is when they stopped.

Jenny took me outside and got me calmed down and relaxed. After twenty minutes she brought me back in. Sitting at the table were Karen and the lawyer.

"Erika, let me introduce you to your tormenter Mr. Robert Hancock," stated Karen.

"It is good to meet you, Erika," he greeted. He was now smiling and it caught me a bit off guard.

I sat down at the table. "Nice to meet you too," I answered, rather flatly.

"I can understand your feelings. But if it makes you feel better you lasted longer than I expected," he added with a smile.

He went on to tell me that he had been a prosecuting attorney and then a judge for nearly twenty-five years. Since retirement, he had become a volunteer expert and he specialized in helping victims prepare for cross-examination and he specialized in "high profile" cases.

"So you consider my case to be 'high profile?'" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Knowing Martin Turner, he will try to make this into a circus to distract from his weak case. Jenny told me that you are an athlete. Good! I want you to consider what we are doing here as training to get you ready for a big event."

For the next hour, he told me how to conduct myself while on the stand. I was told to dress conservatively and to be well groomed. He told me to make eye contact with the jury. I should answer questions with sincere, positive, definite answers. He said that Turner would try to give me yes or no questions, but it was okay to explain to the judge that the answer couldn't be given in a one-word response.

Next, he told me to watch my temper and avoid getting into an argument with him, and if the judge interrupted then to stop speaking. He said that Sam would protect me as much as possible and that I should have faith in him.

He gave me a wealth of information. But knowing what to do and actually doing it was different.

"Look, as long as you stay cool and tell the truth you will be fine. Don't ever lie - any lie, no matter how small. Martin will pick up on it and he will use it against you. By the time you testify, you will be ready," explained Robert. "So, same time next week?"

I nodded yes.

With that he walked out. I knew he was there to help me, but I couldn't help feel agitated at what he'd put me through.

"Are you still angry at him?" asked Jenny with a smile.

"Be honest, Erika," added Karen.

"Okay, I am still a little angry at him," I answered. I did manage to crack a smile.

"Good! Then he is doing his job. Remember that Martin may act friendly too, but he isn't your friend either," explained Jenny. "Robert is one of the best at his job. He does this strictly as a volunteer and he has helped us many times. Think about what he said to you and read this booklet."

She handed me a small booklet titled "Sexual Assault Victims Judicial Guide."

"Forget the formal sounding title, that book is full of information that will help you get through this," added Karen.

"I'll read it. I know that he means well and I will do what he says," I answered. I thought about his comments about treating this like an athletic competition. The main difference was that there was no prize for second place.

Chapter Sixty-Five

The weeks leading up to the trial were surprisingly normal - actually, above normal! I was excelling in school and work. Laura and I were moving along slowly. I was worried a little that she would get fed up with the way I was inching into our relationship. I talked to Cat about it and she told me not to worry about that.

My practice sessions with Mr. Hancock were proceeding along nicely. He was still very hard on me, but he felt that I would be ready by the time the trial started. I was still hoping that Jason would just plead guilty and end it there. But part of me really wanted to testify; it was as if I needed to tell what happened publicly. I was expecting to be more stressed out, but the closer we got to the trial, the better I felt. I was feeling very much at peace with myself as I counted down the days until the trial started. Looking back, I view this time as the calm before the storm.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Well, the big day finally arrived and the trial began. As expected there was some media interest in the trial. Thankfully, the judge had decided not to allow cameras in the courtroom and had turned down a request to have the case televised. The press was warned to respect the privacy of all involved and reminded that I was a minor. I think the fear of a public backlash for exploiting a victim of a violent crime kept many away from the story.

I had intended to avoid reading the paper or watching TV coverage of the trial, but my curiosity got the better of me. I think what bothered me most was the way I was described and the use of gender. The local paper was very cool and always used the correct pronouns, but they were the exception. Mom said that it was due more to ignorance than any intended prejudice. I wasn't so sure.

There were several requests for interviews. Mom turned them all down. That was the last thing I needed right now. I also later found out that she'd had Terri screen our mail during the trial. My being transgendered brought out a fair share of hateful people. Fortunately, I never saw the letters. I only found out about them later on. Cat told me that they were pretty vile. She said that they ranged from homophobes to religious nuts. Thankfully, they soon tired of this activity.

Mrs. Lee had worked out a program that would allow me to keep up with my classes. Fortunately, thanks to my transfer credits from San Diego, I had a very easy schedule for the second semester. My schedule was Child Development, Law & Enforcement (an elective taught by Mr. Kline), Photography, PE, American Literature, and I was a Teaching Assistant in US History for Mr. Kline. Still I would be missing a lot of classes, so I had a lot of homework.

Mrs. Lincoln had taken me off the schedule until the trial was over, she did however continue to pay me. Mom's company was also very understanding and told her she could take off the time as necessary. I cannot find any fault with the way the town treated us during the trial.

I was nervous as we waited for the judge to enter the courtroom. Jason was sitting with Martin Turner. He was dressed in a nice suit and looked like he was going to church. He had short hair and was clean- shaven. They made him look so nice and normal, as if he was incapable of committing any crime. I wrote down much of what I saw in a small notebook for my future lecture.

Martin Turner had won one small battle. The facts of Jason's previous attack on me wouldn't be allowed to be discussed in the trial. He argued that it was prejudicial to Jason. The judge would allow it in the penalty phase.

I took a deep breath and tried to act calm. I felt Mom's hand on my shoulder. I looked over and felt a little better.

The judge entered the court and the trial started. By listening to the opening statements you might have thought you were listening to two completely different cases.

The DA told the court about a violent crime of abduction, assault and sexual assault. He stated that the evidence would prove this beyond a shadow of a doubt. He took several hours to lay out the case.

After lunch, Martin Turner gave the defense's opening statement. He told the jury that this wasn't a case of sexual assault but a case of deception and the overreaction of a shocked young man. He stated that the sex was consensual and that due to my deception Jason was the true victim in the case. I was prepared for this and I wasn't that bothered. It was how he kept referring to me as "he" and as "Eric" that was annoying. It was as if Erika didn't exist, so therefore there was no crime.

After he finished, the judge let us go for the day. Sam Warren had decided to give the physical evidence first and then use me as his last witness. He told me that I could expect to be taking the stand in four or five days.

That pretty much wrapped up the first day. I felt really tired as we drove home, almost to the point of exhaustion. I put it off as due to being so keyed up about the trial. I slept very poorly that night. I woke up often during the night. I thought about the trial and everything that could go wrong. I cursed Jason for causing so much pain in my life.

The next day Sam started his case. The photos taken of me the night of the attack shocked me. I had seen them before but seeing them blown up and in a courtroom was different. I barely recognized myself. My face was bloody and my hair was all dirty, sweaty, and pulled back. I glared over at Jason as he shielded his eyes from the photos. I wished the judge would make him look at them. I also observed the jury. They seemed shocked by what Jason had done to me.

Sam had experts testify on the condition of my clothes and that they showed grass and mud stains consistent with our yard. They also showed photos of the marks in the ground where he tackled me. They also pointed out the residue of the tape on my pants legs.

A doctor testified about my injuries. He explained that the facial injuries were very deliberate and didn't look like those given in a moment of rage. He stated that in most cases of rage the victim was in much worse shape. He also commented on the injury to my ribs, stating that it was very similar to injuries experienced by football players when they are tackled.

There wasn't a lot of cross-examination by Martin Turner. He made a few arguments on minor points. This was a surprise as I'd thought he would be arguing everything said.

The truck driver was called next. He told the court the condition that I was in, when he found me. The truck driver described my condition and how terrible I looked.

"You removed the duct tape that was binding her wrists?" asked Sam.

"Yes," the truck driver replied.

"Would you describe the tape as being on tight or loose?" asked Sam.

"Very tight. I almost had to cut it off," the man replied.

"Thank you, no further questions," remarked Sam.

Sam wanted to show how brutal Jason had been with me.

Martin asked a few questions, but again I was surprised passive the defense was acting.

In addition to the large photos of my injuries, there were large poster board sized diagrams in the court. Some showed the timeline while others showed the location of key events. Sam used these to visualize the events and the sequence of events.

Sam then called Alex, Cat, Laura, and Mom to testify about the timeline of events. They confirmed the approximate time that I left the party, when I arrived at Cat's house and when I left for home. Mom testified about making the 911 call after receiving Cat's phone call. Again there wasn't a lot of argument by Martin Turner. He did try to imply that Cat and Laura were protecting me by lying to everyone about my love for Jason. I almost choked when he said that.

Sam followed this with the playing of the 911 tape to the court. I was shocked to hear Mom's voice and the fear in her voice. I glared at Jason for the pain he had caused my friends and family.

The next to testify were the various investigating police officers. Included in this group was Nina Robbins, who had collected the rape evidence. The last policeman to speak was the NY State Trooper who had arrested Jason.

The DNA expert went last. He showed how the various samples all matched Jason. They held up photos showing the dumpster and Jason's van. There were circled areas showing where they found samples. They found my blood in Jason's van, on his clothes, and on the edge of the dumpster. They identified Jason's semen on my clothing and from the samples taken during the rape examination. They also identified hairs found on the duct tape as belonging to Jason. Cat found this extremely interesting.

At the end of the third day of the trial, I asked Sam why Martin Turner hadn't been more aggressive in cross-examining the witnesses.

"It's simple, Erika, since they are claiming that what happened between you and Jason was consensual, they have no reason to dispute the evidence. They've admitted that Jason struck you and taped you up. What Martin is betting on is that he can discredit you. If he can do that, then the rest of the evidence means nothing," explained Sam. "Martin is also being careful not to slip up and introduce any evidence that will allow me to mention the previous assault."

"So you are saying that it is all up to me then?" I asked. "Nothing like a little added pressure!"

We both smiled at the joke. But it did deepen the importance of my taking the stand.

"I thought the judge said that you couldn't talk about the earlier attack?" interrupted Mom.

"I can't. But if Martin brings it up, then it's fair game. Martin knows that their case is shot if we prove that Jason knew your biological gender," replied Sam.

I was feeling more and more tired. Oh, I could make it through the day, but I had little energy for anything but the trial. I really had to force myself to do my homework. Even eating was a struggle. The trial went into recess over the weekend and Sam told me that I would most likely be on the stand by late Monday.

Cat and Laura did their best to cheer me up. Cat told me that I was fortunate that I didn't have to wear the pregnancy empathy belly during the trial. I think I laughed for the first time in a week. We hung out all weekend long and they tried to make me relax, but my mind was on the trial.

I was really stressing by Sunday. I was still waking up at night. I was also having some frightening nightmares. In some of them I was back in the dumpster and Jason was trying to get me. Mom suggested that I call up Jenny. Actually, that's not true. It wasn't a suggestion. Mom had called Jenny and she took me over to her office.

We talked for over an hour and she made me feel a bit better. Jenny said that it wasn't unusual to have nightmares so close to the trial. She also told me that she would be in court during my testimony and cross-examination. She told me to take it slowly and not to press myself too hard. I knew that Mom had been talking to her about the way I was behaving, but I didn't press the point. I fully expected to feel better after the trial was over.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Monday morning, I felt surprising refreshed. I took the stand and had to state my full name. It felt strange calling myself Eric Walters while I was wearing a skirt and a blouse. The judge then asked if I was more comfortable being called Erika and I told him yes. I watched Martin Turner and saw him making notes. I then refocused and prepared for my testimony.

I initially told about the competition and my gradual acceptance of my true gender. I spoke as Mr. Hancock had taught me. I made eye contact with the jury and initially avoided looking at Jason. I answered every question that Sam asked completely honestly. So far, so good.

Sam brought up the controversy in the fall and the physical I was forced to take to prove I was a male. He did this without mentioning Jason or his mother and therefore the judge allowed it to stay in the case.

"So, the results of the physical were made public?" he asked.

"Yes, there was a meeting where any parent could view the results," I replied.

"Objection!" exclaimed Martin Turner. "My client was not..."

"Your honor, may both attorneys approach the bench," interrupted Sam.

The judge nodded and they walked over to discuss something. I don't know what was said at the time, but the objection was withdrawn. Sam walked away smiling, and Martin Turner appeared shaken. He then sat down and glared at Sam.

Sam went into the competition and asked some personal questions. He'd told me ahead of time that, while the questions were personal, his asking them would take ammo away from the defense. So my life was laid out and exposed for the world to hear.

As I progressed, I found that I was gaining confidence and I could look over at Jason. He sat there smugly. Every now and then he would shake his head and lean over and talk to Martin Turner.

We went into recess for lunch before I got into the actual assault. Sam told me that I was doing a good job so far. I looked out over the court and saw many friendly faces. As promised, Jenny was in the crowd, as was Karen. Thankfully Dana stayed away, I love her, but she's too volatile. I also saw Cat, Terri, and Laura. Mr. Kline and Ms. B were also there. I apologize to everyone else who was there and that I've failed to mention.

I forced myself to eat, even though I wasn't very hungry.

After lunch, I told about the night that I was assaulted. Sam pretty much let me tell the story. He stopped me at times so he could emphasize a detail. Martin Turner objected a few times, but was overruled each time. Jason sat there and stared at me. I even thought I saw a small smile on his face, I was hoping that the jury also saw it.

I had a very hard time holding back my emotions as I told about being abducted and assaulted. My voice cracked a few times and I had to fight back tears. When I told about the actual rape, I lost my composure for a short time and my voice cracked due to emotion. I also broke down in tears. The judge asked me if I could go on or would I prefer a break. I shook my head no and told him that I wanted to continue. I regained my composure and finished telling the court about the attack. I focused on Jason and glared at him. Maybe I should have tried to be more detached, but the hate and rage that helped me survive the attack resurfaced. I was no longer telling this to the jury but to Jason, I wanted him to feel my pain. When I finished, I looked over at the jury and I saw a few of them smiling and some others nodding knowingly at me. Jason was looking down at the table; he wouldn't look up as I left the stand.

"What happened during that conference at the bench this morning?" I asked Sam.

He smiled. "Martin Turner was about to object based on the fact that Jason was not at the meeting when the doctor confirmed your biological gender. I told the Judge that if he allowed Martin's objection, then I should be allowed to tell the jury WHY Jason was not at the meeting."

"That explains Martin's pale look as he left the bench," stated Mom. "I thought he was going to be sick!"

I actually laughed at Mom's comment.

"You were good in there today, Erika. I know you'll do good tomorrow, so get some rest," remarked Sam.

My cross-examination would start in the morning.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

I was up really early the next morning. I sat in the kitchen drinking a mug of Earl Grey and thinking about what was going to happen. Mom came down and joined me. We didn't talk; her presence was enough to calm me. Without asking, she fixed me my favorite breakfast, buttermilk pancakes with real maple syrup. It was the first meal I'd enjoyed in days.

After eating, I went back upstairs and changed. Before I applied my makeup I ran my fingers across the scar above my eye. I felt a sudden urge of rage at what Jason had done to me. Why did he do this to me? Why had he caused me so much pain?

I stared back at my reflection and focused my anger. No, I wouldn't let him get away with what he had done to me. While I wasn't happy about my impending cross-examination, I knew that it was the only way to get back at Jason.

I dressed in a conservative black skirt and green sweater. I wanted the jury to take me seriously.

We arrived in the courtroom and again I was pleased to see so many friends in the crowd. I was immediately strengthened by seeing Mrs. Lincoln sitting next to Ms. B. They seemed very friendly and I wondered if they knew each other better than from the Homecoming fitting. I was also pleased to see Coach Chambers in the crowd.

I was recalled to the stand and prepared myself for the cross-exam. The judge warned the defense about the line of questioning. He was told that my sexual history was not admissible. I found it ironic that my only sexual experience, besides kissing and a little petting, was the rape.

"Well, Eric, you told the court a very interesting story yesterday. I would like to ask you about a few minor points," he asked, in a nice calm voice, "You don't mind me calling you Eric, do you?"

"My friends call me Erika," I replied calmly.

He had a slight smirk on his face for a second, "Very well. However, since I am here to shine the light of truth on these proceedings, I think a good place to start with the truth is to use your legal name and gender."

Sam immediately objected and Martin withdrew the last comment.

"Still, I want to get one thing straight. Tell me your legal name," asked Martin.

"Eric Alexander Walters," I replied.

"And, for the record, your true biological gender?" he continued

"Presently, I am male," I replied softly.

"Please repeat your answer louder, Eric," demanded Martin.

"My biological gender is male," I replied, in a slightly louder tone. I did my best not to control my temper, as I knew this was just the beginning.

"Thank you, Eric," stated Martin. "See, telling the truth isn't so hard."

Sam immediately objected and the judge agreed. Martin smiled and withdrew the last comment.

"So, we've established that you are Eric Alexander Walters and that you are male. Is that correct?" he asked.

"Yes."

Martin stepped back from the stand and looked me over. "Eric, I must admit that you do a good job in dressing up as a girl. Do you tell everyone you meet that you are really a male?"

Sam objected. Martin stated that he needed to establish that Jason had been fooled by my appearance. The judge let his questioning stand.

"Please answer my question, Eric," demanded Martin.

"No, I don't tell everyone I meet that I'm biologically male. But I don't deny my birth gender either," I replied.

Martin just nodded. "I see. Did you ever tell Jason that you were really male?"

"I was in the same scholarship competition with him at Central High," I replied.

"That's not what I asked. Did you ever tell him to his face that you were a male? It's a simple question, Eric. Yes or no," stated Martin firmly.

"No. I never told him to his face that I was born male, but...."

"Thank you, Eric," interrupted Martin.

I looked over at Sam and he motioned me to stay calm, and I nodded in reply.

"So Eric, you claimed yesterday that what happened was an attack. First thing, you stated that he used a knife to keep you quiet. When the police searched his van they didn't find a knife, can you explain that?

I had several real smartass answers, but knew that I couldn't use them. "He had a knife the night of the attack, and I felt it against my throat and against my genitals. I also saw it when he cut the tape off around my legs. After he left, I don't know what he did with it."

"I see. Strange that he could press a knife against you and not leave a mark, but we'll get back to that later. Now, did you ever say no to him? Yes or no? What is your answer?"

I sat there for a second. I was about to answer but remembered what Mr. Hancock had said.

"Eric, it's a simple question. Yes or no," repeated Martin. He was now standing directly in front of me, with his hands on the railing of the witness stand. He deliberately blocked my view of Sam.

I turned to the judge. "I can't answer that by just yes or no, Your Honor. May I please explain my answer?"

This led to a small discussion between the lawyers and the judge.

Sam walked away smiling and I saw Mr. Hancock give me a thumbs up. I was allowed to explain my answer

"No. I never told Jason no. Initially, it was because there was a knife to my throat. He threatened me not to speak. Then it was because he taped my mouth shut. The only other time the tape was off was when he was using me. I did shake my head several times to indicate no."

Martin Turner looked back in the crowd and saw Mr. Hancock. I wished I could have seen his face. I did see that Mr. Hancock was smiling at Martin.

However, this initial defeat didn't deter his attack. We proceeded to go over every detail of my testimony. He did everything to try to break me. I was now appreciating the hell that Mr. Hancock had put me through. It was rough, draining and insulting. He tried to make it look as if I had tricked Jason. He told me that this was my chance to tell the truth about what happened that night and to free an innocent young man. I stuck with the truth and my account of what had happened. I glanced over at Jason and saw that he was slumping in his chair. He was beginning to accept the fact that I wasn't about to crack. His defeatist body language only gave me strength. I also glanced at the jury and they seemed to be sympathetic to me.

He questioned the way I dressed and how I tried to look attractive. He tried to imply that I was perverted and that I was deceitful. Additionally, he brought up the homecoming and my sexual preferences. He couldn't get into specifics of my dating but he implied that I was a tease. He even brought up the night we went to hear Denise's band play.

"Eric, would you describe to the court the outfit you were wearing that night," asked Martin.

Sam objected, but was overruled. I described my outfit.

"Eric, did you dance suggestively with several partners that evening?" asked Martin.

Again Sam objected and again he was overruled.

"I danced with several friends that night," I replied.

"Both male and female partners?" asked Martin.

"Yes," I replied.

"Very interesting," replied Martin. "Did you tell everyone you danced with your real gender?"

Sam objected again and again the judge overruled him.

"There was no need to. They were all classmates and they know my biological gender."

"Is that a yes or a no?" Martin demanded.

"No, I didn't tell them I was a male. However...."

"That's all I wanted to hear," interrupted Martin.

I looked and Sam and he motioned to me to stay calm. I nodded back.

Everything seemed to be trying to show that I'd tricked Jason and got what I deserved. Sam did his best job to protect me.

As bad as it was, there is something very cleansing about having your entire life dragged out into public. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but I almost felt like I was given a clean slate. Martin Turner had brought out in court that I was a seventeen-year-old bisexual transsexual. That's what I was before the trial, and now it was public knowledge. He didn't, however, break my testimony.

He kept me on the stand for a complete day. When I was dismissed, Sam was smiling and Martin Turner was conferring with Jason. I walked proudly past Jason and sat down next to Mom. I really needed her hug.

I was totally exhausted but extremely proud of my performance. My friends all came over and hugged and congratulated me as we left the courtroom. I was looking for Mr. Hancock as I really wanted to thank him, but it looked like he had slipped away. Looking back, I think it was very appropriate that he disappeared like a super hero in a movie. I know that I wouldn't have done as well without him.

Sam waved Mom and I over to a conference room. "Great job today, Erika! I'm very proud of the way you handled yourself. You gave them nothing and combined with your strong testimony yesterday you left them with few options. Their only shot is to put Jason on the stand, and I doubt if they'll do that. Martin knows I will destroy him on the stand."

Part of me wanted to see him get Jason on the stand, but I knew it would never happen.

"So, do you think that they'll continue the trial?" asked Mom.

"I wouldn't, but then again I would never have brought this case to trial in the first place. If I do get a call from them about a plea, I'll call you immediately," he promised

Chapter Sixty-Nine

When we got home I was surprised to see Terri, Cat and Laura waiting for us in our kitchen. I could smell Terri's famous lasagna cooking in the oven. It smelled wonderful!

"Your mom though you might be a little hungry after your big day," explained Terri.

"Thanks, it's great to see all of you," I gushed as I went around and hugged each of them and then got a kiss from Laura.

Dinner was great but I felt so tired. It wasn't sleepy- tired, but every cell of my body being exhausted-tired. I should have been more up; after all I had survived the worst of the trial.

We were settling down after dinner when the phone rang.

"Hello," asked Mom. She listened for nearly five minutes without saying a word. "We'll be there at 9:00 sharp. Thank you very much, Sam."

We were all watching her as she hung up the phone.

"That was Sam, Jason's lawyer wants a meeting tomorrow morning. Sam figures that they want to cut a deal and he wants your input. He told me that one of the conditions of the plea will be that Jason must tell the court that he raped you and that it was not consensual. You'll also be allowed a statement during the sentencing."

You'd have thought that I'd be overjoyed by the prospect of this coming to an end. But I felt strangely empty. Somehow, after going through the cross-examination, I wanted my pound of flesh. I wanted to see the jury walk in and declare him guilty on all charges. Yes, it was petty and vindictive but I figured that I was owed that.

Even though I was tired I barely slept a wink that night and it was a real struggle to get up in the morning. I had to force myself to get going. What was strange was that once I was up and functioning, I excelled.

We arrived at the courthouse and were directed to a side office. Sam walked in and sat down at the table.

"He's willing to plead guilty but they are seeking a reduced sentence. If we accept the deal he could be paroled in fifteen years, but no sooner. He will also be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life," he explained.

"Is that good, Sam?" asked Mom.

"It is a bit less than I think we could get if this goes to the jury, but it would bring it to an end. It is up to you two. I can just as easily tell him that we won't accept the deal and go for the conviction in court."

"Let's take it. I want this over. But, will he have to say that he attacked and raped me and that I didn't willingly do anything with him?" I asked. This was extremely important to me. I wanted Jason to exonerate me publicly. I knew that he wouldn't have to do this if the jury found him guilty.

Sam nodded. "Absolutely. It is key to the plea. He must give such a statement in court. If he doesn't do it, then we'll send this right back to the jury; Turner knows this."

"Good. So when does this happen?" I asked.

"By this afternoon or I'll withdraw the deal," he replied.

"Are you sure, honey?" asked Mom.

"Yes, let's just close this chapter now," I stated firmly. I was more interested in Jason being forced to tell everyone the truth than his sentence being longer. "Wait. There's one more thing that I want Jason to say. I want him to admit that he told his lawyer that he knew my real gender." I wanted to get back at Martin.

"I'll see what I can do. Jason doesn't have to admit to anything he told his attorney," replied Sam.

Court was back in session by 1:00 and then Jason changed his plea to guilty. There was some clapping and cheering in the crowd until the judge threatened to clear the courtroom. There was a short recess and then Jason took the stand to make his statement.

I sat there with Mom next to me with her arm around me. I was trembling slightly and was glad to have her next to me.

Jason sat there with is head down. His voice was low and without emotion. It was as if the reality of what he had done was sinking in, "I want to say that I am sorry for what happened. Yes, I abducted and assaulted her. Everything happened the way she said it did. She did nothing wrong, what I did to her was forced and she tried to resist," he confessed. "I just want both of us to be able to get on with our lives."

Okay, it wasn't a huge confession, but at least he admitted attacking me. I didn't feel sorry for him, in fact I still felt a strong sense of hatred towards him, but there was a sense of sorrow that he had ruined his life at such a young age. I noticed that he didn't mention anything about Martin.

I began to cry softly, as did Mom. Luckily, Terri handed us some tissues. It wasn't until I saw the transcripts that I realized that he'd referred to me as female.

The sentencing date was set for mid-March. Jason was sent back to jail.

We walked out and were mobbed by friends and well-wishers. Terri kept the reporters away for us. I appreciated their support, but I just wanted to get back to my life.

Chapter Seventy

I tried to get my life started up again. The trial was over and I had been vindicated. Even the papers dropped the story. The only real negative thing was an editorial in the local paper calling for an end to the scholarship competition. It claimed that it was the real criminal in this case and not Jason. However, the letters that responded to it were overwhelming in favor of keeping it.

I was feeling good, but I still tired easily. I decided that I could work my way out of these doldrums. I started working again for Mrs. Lincoln. My closest friends and Mom all told me to take it easy and to slow down. They suggested that I take a break and relax, but I knew better. I told them that I was glad that they were concerned, but the worst was behind me.

My first night back at work was great. It was a Friday and Mrs. Lincoln had selected a nice outfit for me. It was a beautiful navy cocktail dress. Cindy and Mel welcomed me back to work and I was given my assignments for the evening. It felt good to be dressed up and to be working again. I didn't even mind the high heels.

I was working in the back room when I noticed that the trash was full. Without giving it much thought, I picked it up and went out into the passageway to take it to the dumpster.

********

The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed. I woke up with a start and was totally disoriented. There was an IV in my arm. My mind was foggy and I was confused and scared. Mom reached over to comfort me.

"Where am I? What happened?" I cried out. I had many more questions but Mom stopped me.

"You're okay, Erika. You're in the hospital, they brought you here from work," explained Mom with tears rolling gently down her face. "You had me so worried."

Before I could say a word, Mom walked over and hugged me. We held each other for what seemed like hours.

"What time is it? I feel like I've been out for a long time," I asked as I tried to shake off the cobwebs in my mind.

Mom looked at her watch. "It's 7:30 AM.... Sunday morning."

"I was out that long?" I asked. I was shocked! I had no idea that I had been out for so long. No wonder Mom looked so tired.

She nodded. "I need to call the doctor, he'll be happy to see that you're awake."

The doctor arrived and he checked my chart while the nurse took my vitals. She also took out the IV.

"You look much better than you did when they brought you in, young lady," he stated.

"What happened?" I asked, as I sat up in bed.

He smiled. "Tell me, Erika, what is that last thing you remember?"

"I was at work and I was taking out the trash and after that I don't remember a thing."

"You were found on the floor in a fetal position, shaking and totally unresponsive. We brought you in and sedated you. You were suffering from near total exhaustion. Basically, I think that you just shutdown due to all the stress that you have been under," he explained.

"So, I cracked up?" I asked. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that I had failed.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Erika, you didn't crack up. I'd put it down more to stress and depression. Unfortunately, it's very common in sexual assault cases. Tell me, how are you feeling right now?"

"Tired. No, make that totally exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week!"

"I think that rest will help you a lot. At least, it's a good start," he explained. "You need to let your body and mind heal and rest; sleep will be the right medicine. Also you need to put on a few pounds, you're a little underweight"

"So what happens now? Do I get to go home?" I asked with trepidation. Suddenly, I had visions of being taken away and being committed to an institution.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea, but I want to have you cleared by Dr. McCall first. I understand from you have been seeing her," he added.

"Yes, I have," I replied softly, wishing I had listened to her advice more.

"Good. I called her and she should be here in an hour. Call the nurse if you need anything. By the way do you want to see your friends? They're out in the waiting area,"

"I think she would, Doctor, thank you very much," interrupted Mom.

He smiled and walked out.

"I can speak for myself," I stated with a small laugh. "I'm so sorry for all of this. Please forgive me for everything I've put you through."

I started crying and held onto her.

"You have nothing to apologize for, honey. This is just another injury from the attack. You did nothing wrong," she comforted, as she stroked my head.

Just as we were wiping the tears out of our eyes Terri, Cat and Laura came in and the crying started all over again.

We talked until Jenny arrived. As they all left Cat told me that they would get me something a little more casual to wear home.

"Hi Erika. You know, we really need to stop meeting here," she greeted me with a smile.

"Yes, but I'm getting a great collection of these bracelets," I said, holding up my wrist and showing my hospital tag.

"You were wearing this when you were brought in?" asked Jenny, as she examined my dress hanging in the closet. "It's lovely, it's no wonder you love your job."

I just smiled.

We talked about what had happened and the consequences. She told me that it could have been far worse. I asked her how much worse and she said, "How about substance abuse or suicide?"

Jenny felt that she should see me a couple of times this coming week and then go back to seeing me weekly in addition to the group sessions. She told me that I was to cut back on my activities, it wasn't a request it was an order. She wasn't against me working, but only a few times a week; and she also recommended that I cut back on the training.

Jenny's biggest job was to convince me that what Mom had told me was right, that this was an injury from the assault and that I needed to let it heal.

"Look, Erika, I know that you feel that people will see you as weak or something for this, but you can't let that bother you. Besides from what I saw in court, your friends accept you and have deep feelings for you. I'm sure that your real friends will support you as you recover from this injury, and if they don't they weren't your friends in the first place. Now, I have to talk to your mom. Don't worry I just need to let her know about your increased counseling schedule. You will recover from this, but we need to do this by my rules. Do you agree?"

"Yes, Jenny," I replied. She was right. It only required me going into stress induced shock and being sedated for nearly two days to see this. "Thanks!"

After she left, Cat and Laura came in with some clothes. I smiled when I saw what they had brought. It was my running sweats, Wolfhound football championship t-shirt, bra, panties, socks, and sneakers.

"I figured you'd want your comfort clothes," explained Cat.

"Thanks."

I went into the bathroom and got dressed. When I got out, I found Laura eyeing my dress.

"Erika, you want me to take this back to work for you?" she asked.

"Yes, but no detours," I quipped.

"Party pooper!" she replied, as she held the dress in front of herself.

"How cold is it outside?" I asked, noticing that they hadn't brought my coat.

"Pretty cold. Damn! I knew we forgot something! Laura, see if you can go borrow a coat from someone," exclaimed Cat.

Before I could protest, Laura was gone.

"You don't think she'll ask someone for their coat for her crazy friend do you?" I asked Cat.

"No, but she might ask for one for you," answered Cat. She stared at me and looked really serious. "You really scared us this time. From now on you need to listen to others and stop trying to act as if nothing happened!"

"I know that.... now. I will listen to you guys more in the future," I replied. "I promise." I put my hand up as if I was giving a pledge.

"Like I'm going to believe you," Cat quipped. "I figure that I'm going to be helping you out of one mess after another for a while. But it's a job I don't mind having."

"I'm so lucky to have you as a best friend," I replied and then we hugged.

"Hey, Erika, I found a jacket and it looks like it will fit," interrupted Laura, as she entered my room.

She came back in and was holding out a red and silver Central High Wolfhound letterman's jacket. She held it and I saw my name embroidered on the front with Cross-Country under my name. My cross- country letter was on the other side.

"Where did you get this?" I asked in stunned disbelief.

"We were saving it for you as a post-trial gift, here try it on," explained Cat, as she handed me the jacket.

"What did I ever do to deserve such good friends as you two?" I said as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was a perfect fit.

"We're still trying to figure that one out," snickered Cat.

We then embraced in a group hug and cry.

Mom and Terri came in. "Well the doctor says you can go home. Jenny wants you to stay home from school for the rest of the week and no work either. She'll see you later this week and see how you are doing," explained Mom.

I didn't argue. I knew that I was lucky and that it could have been a lot worse. I had a second chance and I wasn't going to throw it away.

Continued in part 2 of 3

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