Another BigCloset TopShelf story.

A twenty-something auto-parts salesman’s obsession with superhero fantasy characters leads to a life he never imagined. An over-the-top side-story to Timeout, my Whateley Academy Fan Fic.

Morpheus Story Contest Entry: Glacier Girl (REVISED ENTRY)

Written for Morpheus's contest on FM. The premise for the contest was all stories must be about someone turning into a fictional character of their own creation.

This is a major rewrite of a side story to my Whateley Academy Fan Fiction. It may or may not match the timeline, characters, and continuity, but since it's fan fiction, who cares? To see the canon Whateley Stories, check out either Sapphire's Place,

(http://www.sapphireplace.com/stories/whateley.html) or the Big Closet (http://bigclosetr.us/topshelf/taxonomy/term/117)."

This was my first attempt at publishing a TG/sci-fi piece. I’m confident it’s derivative, unimaginative, dull, unitentionally plageristic, ungramatical, and possibly hazardous to ones health. Please be gentle and constructive in your criticism. I did this for the pure fun of it, take it in that spirit and enjoy. Remember this is non-canon not cannon fodder. Any infringement on copyright or trademark is purely accidental, honest. All rights reserved in perpetuity, John of Wauwatosa WI, 2005-2006 yada, yada, yada. See my agent at the Sirius Cybernetics Corp. for further details. Please don’t hit me!

Special thanks to Morpheus for hosting this contest, may the best person win. Which certainly won’t be me. — P.S. Eric won, but I had fun. --

Glacier Girl (Revised version, Jan 06, 2006 and 08/30/2006)

By J. L. Brown

July 26, 2006, Madison Wisconsin
China Express’s Chinese Buffet, 7pm

I’m at the bi-weekly meeting of MSG, the Madison Supers Group, also the Mutant Support Group. I know, the same acronym, but it does save on stationary expense.

“Evening, Driftless, Kid, looking sharp, Red.”

~There’s that new girl Joanie coming in, what a babe! ~

This sure ain’t gonna be easy, how do I explain that a former auto parts salesman is now an established super heroine? It’s bad enough it happened to me, now I‘m expected to help new mutants adapt to their changed lives.

“Evening, Joanie, saved a seat. Com’on dear I won’t bite,” I said.

~Well not too hard. ~

This new girl Joanie is a challenge; a former middle-aged man stuck permanently as a teen wet dream, but as they say, that’s another story. As for me, let’s say I knew better, yet here I am.

“I know we told each other about our origins at the last meeting, but to be fair, I did give you the ‘Reader’s Digest’ version. I think I owe Joanie and the rest of you the whole story, so here goes,” I said.

~Ghods, this is so embarrassing. ~

“I’ve long been fascinated with the so called superhero. I grew up reading Superman, Spiderman, Green Lantern, and such; your classic comic book heroes. I suppose deep in my soul I wanted to be one, even envied them at some level. Problem was, I was and still am a rational, logical person. Such people were not possible; their powers not only defied rational explanation, they also violated nearly every law of physics. Logically such powers -- if they existed -- would fry the user to a crisp or tear them to pieces the moment they used them. Oh it looked great in the comic books, but the laws of thermodynamics are absolute or so I thought.

“I looked at it like this at the time; consider Superman and other classic ‘bricks’. Despite their ‘origins on distant planets’, ‘mystical sources of power’, or whatever, their abilities were impossible -- for instance flying at close to or even faster than the speed of light. Even in the hard vacuum of deep space, the friction would incinerate them and that didn’t even consider the massive radiation exposure it would generate. I thought a lot about it back before all this happened to me. I remember my boss at work.”

‘Jerry, I need you to finish stocking the filter wall. Your break was over ten minutes ago.’

“I was busy reading the latest comic.”

‘Sure thing, Mike, just a minute,’ I replied.

‘ ~What a pest, ~’ I thought.

“You see the trap I was falling into, I was slowly withdrawing from the real world. In my fantasies I’d hoped for superpowers, but my logical mind soon found the fly in the ointment each and every time. I wasn’t the son of a planet orbiting a dying red star who is rocketed into space by his parents and imbued with powers beyond the ken of man. Okay, so the cape and big red S were out. Radioactive insect bites; I figured with my luck I’d end up like that scientist in The Fly, euw! I didn’t believe in magic and knew of no mages, sorceresses, Djinn, or other magical people so any hope of being Merlin’s apprentice seemed pretty remote.

“I thought of objects of power like Excalibur, the Green Lantern’s ring, or forgive me, Space Ghost’s gauntlets. Nope, I struck out here too. Suction cup Garfield plushies didn’t hack it. As to power suits and nanobots, p ... lease. The technology didn’t exist, and still doesn’t or is in it’s infancy at best. Anyhow, with the way fate seemed I’d have been lucky to end up as human looking as the Iron Fireman. Tony Stark I was not. As to mutants, you’re more likely to get a genetic disease than superpowers from a roll of the DNA dice. That’s if such powers exist, which of course they don’t.”

The entire MSG membership present starred at me like I’d gone loco.

“Don’t look at me like that, Gang, it’s what I thought at the time.”

“My boss Mike was a decent guy and put up with my weakness as I did know my job. I’d start day dreaming but he’d snap me out of it. He’d call out,”

‘Jerry, any minute now.’

‘Sure, sure,’ “I’d reply. See what I mean, I was fading fast and didn’t know it.

‘~Maybe something simple like regenerative powers and adamantium claws, ~’ I thought.

“First of all I didn’t know what adamantium steel is, I still don’t. As to regenerative powers, that was pretty much limited to tiny flatworms and plants, neither of which I resembled. Exposure to exotic chemicals, radiation, lighting worked for The Flash and Bob Arnold’s Jennifer Stevens, but I shuddered when I thought of the example of Ben Franklin. Other’s who repeated his kite experiment found lighting a tad fatal. Same with superpower serums, to this day coffee gives me the jitters. It seemed hopeless.

“I concluded I’d never be a cool, macho, sexy superhero. I’d be lucky to be a handsome rake and man about town. Still it was alright to fantasize, wasn’t it? Post college I sold auto parts, still do part-time, it didn’t pay the best, but I got by, and I did like the problem solving aspects of the job. My ‘hobby’ was consuming more and more of my spare time and occasionally interfered with work though I tried hard not to let it.”

‘Jerry, what the hell are you doing? Your break was over half an hour ago -- you reading that sci-fi trash again?’

‘Mike, I’m only fifteen minutes late, and I got shorted out of forty yesterday, you said I could catch up. Besides this is quality literature.’

‘A Vampira vs She Hulk magna is quality? I’m loath to think what you’d call trash. Does Cheryl know you read this stuff?’

“We had that sort of conversation increasingly often. In my spare time I indulged in reading and watching science fiction and dabbling at writing some. My role-playing gamer friends inspired me. I’d come up with a character and write a story about him. This one character stuck in my mind and it kind of confused me. One, he was a she, and as most male fantasies go, a bombshell.

“I was conscious that Wisconsin seemed to lack in fictional or real superheroes and supervillains. All I could think of was Paul Bunyan and the Hodag hoax of the late 1800s, but that was pretty much it. Heck back when they did that book about one day across America, Wisconsin was about the only state with no entry whatsoever. Even our best sports team, the Green Bay Packers, was and is technically a non-profit organization. We were simply not on the cultural map then or now. I started thinking about what our strengths were.”

‘~Lots of cows; nah too cheesehead. A lot of lakes and rivers, but Minnesota grabbed that ‘land of 10000 lakes’ slogan away from us, so that’s out.~’

“It came to me, crystal-clear and cold,”

‘Glaciers!~’I thought excitedly.

“That seemed the key, the last great glacial period was the Wisconsin. What could I do with that?

“I pictured this Viking goddess of a woman, 6ft 2, no 6ft 3inches tall, white-blond hair; very busty, at least a 44E with a 22inch waist and 35 inch hips. Rather like a Boris Valero fantasy painting. She was leggy and strong like an Amazon warrior but sexy. As to powers and a costume, she was expert with sword and battle-ax. A Viking by heritage, but no stupid horned helmet wearer, she was a genius, yet worldly and read minds. Her long hair hung free and curled down to her asschecks.”

~Oh Ghod, I’m drooling here, and it’s two years after my change. ~

“At work it was more of the same.”

‘Jerry, are you daydreaming again? I need help moving these brake drums; they’re heavy,’

‘Coming, Mike,’ “I’d say.

“That’s the problem with this stuff, you can get so caught up in these fantasy worlds, you ignore life. It’s an addiction, and there’s no twelve step plan to fight it. Remember those Rumpleminsk liquor billboards of a few years ago, the ones with the half-naked warrior woman riding a polar bear? It gave me the inspiration for my character’s costume. Leather and bronze sleeveless armor top, a bit like Xena but with lots more cleavage and sexy well-toned midriff showing. Hers was definitely an innie, no piercings or tattoos. She wore tight form-fitting leather low-rider shorts that end scant inches from her faintly visible feminine mound. Six-inch high-heeled leather boots with crisscross lacings up to just below the knees as if some Roman cobbler was possessed by the spirit of Steve Zink. Just a hint of pure white fur trimmed the top of the lacings and the bottom of that crop top body armor. Leather and bronze forearm guards and fingerless gloves completed the outfit.

“The rest wrote itself. Piercing sapphire-blue eyes, a bit too large of course, on a heart shaped face. Slightly bee-stung lips, a cute modest upturned nose, delicate arching eyebrows, perfect teeth with slightly overlong canines, proportional hands and feet and a flawless peaches-and-cream complexion; the whole oh-my-Ghod-gorgeous package. In many respects my creation resembled my girlfriend at that time, just a ‘scaled up’ and ‘pumped up’ version. What a jerk I was and what a fool. Here I had this beautiful woman who loved me, and it wasn’t enough somehow. The inevitable happened, then one day my boss asked me,”

‘Jer, whatever happened to that cute university sophomore you were dating? Cheryl wasn’t it?’

‘We broke up last week, said it was my hobby or her. I’m an idiot, satisfied, Mike?’

‘Sorry man.’

“Back to my story, I guess. As to her movement, a slinky walk that oozed sexuality, picture Cat Woman in heat. A voice and vocabulary like a classy phone sex operator, a set of mannerisms and expressions that could turn any man to Jell-O and engender envy and resentment in any female of reproductive age. Age: a fully matured young woman of 20 to 24 max but ageless, a beauty that would defy time. And she shagged like a minx, if you didn’t guess already. That one’s caused me a lot a trouble since my ‘accident,’ but it has its compensations.

“That handled the physical aspects, what about superpowers? That proved easy, I pictured a mutant who’s able to absorb heat energy and use that to freeze things solid and project blasts of glacier-pure ice at her enemies. She could do anything from make it snow on the hottest day of summer to burying an evil doer under a hundred feet of ice in minutes. She could also project blasts of intense heat just as easily but preferred to use her cold powers. She could read minds enough to know someone’s intent but closely guarded the secret. It made her a better fighter and a perfect lover, as she would sense a partner’s needs the moment they did. As to her names that’s easy, super’s name Glacier Girl: mundane name Janice Johansson. The ice in Janice was deliberate.”

‘~Perfect, ~ I thought, ~A few tweaks here and there, and I’ve got my character. ~’

“My life was harder to tweak, I took my breakup with Cheryl hard and sunk ever deeper into my addiction. I played around with my creation for many months until I figured she was near perfect, then I put her away. Like some guilty secret I kept coming back to her. She truly was an addiction at the time.

“I got obsessed and began to assemble a real costume for her. I got a used mannequin of the correct height but with typical female proportions, of course, then re-sculpted it with auto body compound and fiberglass until the measurements matched my character’s. I used auto body filler to perfect the arms and legs and give her a firm sexy butt. Mike was very accommodating and sold me some damaged cans at a very reasonable price. The face was more difficult but eventually that came along too.

“I scrounged secondhand shops and fabric stores for her clothes. The bra was a bit tricky but V.S. and Fredrick’s will sell you anything, and fetish shops took care of the leather goods and boots. The bronze was the hardest to get, but aluminum was cheap, easy to work, and an electroplating place soon had the bronze look coated on my handiwork. It took two years, but by my 27th birthday she was complete, even to the broad-ax and sword. A renaissance/medieval fair weapons maker filled that order in hand-forged carbon steel. My role-playing gamer friends at the sci-fi club and Mike at work tried to get me to date again or to try and get back with Cheryl, who was still single, but to no avail. I was trapped beyond hope.

“At 6ft 2inches and a big 200lb plus man, no way could the costume fit me. The thought did cross my mind. I hoped I’d find a tall woman athlete and get her to model it someday. As I studied my creation, something was missing; jewelry. I scoured the curio shops and even went to a pawnbroker when I spotted this cheap looking necklace on the ground. It had a sort of angel figure on one side, but was caked in dirt and hard to make out. Yes, it was the Medallion of Zulo. I had read about it, but it was fiction, right? I took it home and cleaned it. It was just what she needed. Another obsessed looser -- like me? -- must have made one up for fun and lost it.

“I got to thinking about Cheryl again, that got me drinking. That evening I had a few, well more than a few cocktails, a bad thing as I tend to binge. I got the brilliant idea to try on my creation. I couldn’t even get the shorts up all the way and the bra was in serious need of stuffing. The boot laces gave me fits in my intoxicated state. Finally it was all on; I staggered to a mirror and saw a joke. The empty bra looked silly on my hairy chest, and the armor fit poorly. It looked sooo funny. I laughed, grabbed the ax and sword and strapped them on. I grabbed up my drawings and writings about her and placed them in my belt pouch. I reached for that fake Medallion of Zulo and put it over my head.

“If I had any brains, I never would have done that. If I had any sense at all, I would have taken it off the moment I felt that tingle, but no. Instead I had another big drink and passed out. I woke the next morning in pain. I remember saying something like,”

‘Oh Ghod why did I drink? What a hangover.’ “This came out in the sexiest, low woman’s voice I ever heard.”

‘Who’s that? Where are you?’

“I challenged the intruder, while in the back of my mind praying it was Cheryl, but all I heard was me in that new, strange voice. I got up and found the pain wasn’t a hangover, but my sword and broad-ax digging in my ribs as I slept. Not the most comfortable of ‘cushions’. I checked for injuries, my peaches and cream skin was flawless as ever as was my sexy, figure hugging ...”

‘Flawless? Oh, oh! ~’I thought, nervously.

“I re-laced my boots, got up, pulled up and zipped my shorts then fastened my open top over my nearly overflowing bra cups, finding I jiggled in places I never had before. I seemed taller, a lot taller. I looked down to see why, but my bountiful breasts blocked my …”

‘~Breasts?~’

“At this point I panicked, I must have, as my next actions would seem to confirm. Let’s say at a minimum I was in shock and not thinking clearly. I saw my self in the mirror; I was Glacier Girl; impossibly sexy Amazon body, centerfold face with sex kitten expression -- except for the look of utter shock -- and the white blond cascade of curls down to my ass-to-die-for. I could have passed for Cheryl’s older, taller sister with the face I had now. Any remaining grip on reality was lost with that revelation. I ran out of the house and felt something choking me. I think the handle of my sword got between the necklace and my neck. At the time all I knew was I’m choking, so I ripped off the necklace and threw it away as hard as I could, which was very far as I found I was very strong. That and I’d generated a blast of ice with it that flung it hundreds of yards and onto the top of a passing bus.

“I wandered for hours attracting all sorts of attention including the police, who tried to find some reason to arrest me but couldn’t. One; technically I was decently dressed. Two; I’d hurt no one and damaged nothing. Three; though definitely weapons the ax and sword were sheathed, and I did have a permit from the State Patrol to carry them. Four; I had a valid Wisconsin drivers license in both my code name, Glacier Girl, and my mundane name, Janice Johansson. I’d wrote that into my manuscript as well.”

‘~Oh dear,’ I thought. ‘Does this mean I have an ice-blue Harley back home with vanity plate GG 1? ~’

“Of course I do, you’ve all seen it.

“I got back home finding all my familiar male clothes gone, replaced by all my familiar female clothes,” ‘~Huh? ~’, “a dresser and closet full of custom bras, panties, blouses, skirts, negligees and the like.”

‘~Wait, I’m a, well was a guy, what gives?~’

“If I wasn’t confused enough, I found the spare bedroom similarly filled with clothes but for a shorter, less over-endowed woman. I saw a framed picture on the bedside table. It was me, the new me, and Cheryl. We were roomies, and from the looks of things, lovers. The door to the apartment opened and I heard,”

‘Jan, are you ready yet? Your friend from the auto parts store and the twins from MSG said to meet them at the bar eight pm sharp. That’s only thirty minutes from now, time to get your sexy rear in gear, girlfriend.’

“Something good did come of my obsession after all.

“I realize now, whatever it was in the necklace that changed me, altered more than just my body. Reality itself shifted to accommodate my fantasy, and I’m grateful now. This body is strong, perfect and sensual; my personal life is immensely satisfying. If I can’t go back to who I was, I can live with who I am. I may be the ‘queen of ice’ but I’m no ice-queen, or so all the guys and gals tell me.”

‘~Ghod, I so have to get laid tonight. I wonder if Mike is interested in a threesome, or the twins a foursome? Oooooh!~’

“That’s my story for what its worth. I hope it helps you avoid mistakes I made. Good luck.”

~Damn, Joanie’s cute, I wonder if she’s bi? ~

“One last thing gang; Joanie, I love your Steve Zink #11 boots. Know where I can get a pair?”

~Well it’s a start. ~

* * * *

The man in the strange sort of bath-robe stood by at the shop counter worried.

“Danni, Danni! Did you ever recover that fake Medallion of Zulo you sold in Madison in 2003? That things plain out dangerous, I told you Never make a transformation spell open-ended. Look what happened to that auto parts guy who found it. Thank Ghod Jerry didn’t imagine himself as the Hulk or Godzilla. Nice work on the breasts by the way, not to mention her libido.”

A beautiful young woman emerged from the back of the crowded shop.

“Thanks but that isn’t the one I made. I have that right here in this warded containment jar. I may be just your apprentice, but I’m not an idiot, no offence meant, Master. I do know this much, it’s not any of Chiff’s work as it’s still working, and it’s definitely not the Medallion of Zulo because the Medallion can’t grant powers unless something in contact with him was from a super. In fact, I think I may have a trace on its location. Do you know anything about a Steve Zink?”

“Oh Ghod!”

* * * *

In a remote cabin in northern Wisconsin a young Eurasian woman dropped her scrying glass, suppressing the giggles but failing miserably. Eventually she stopped and dried her eyes.

“I haven’t had this much fun in centuries. I wonder if my cousin Discordia ever got out of that statue. She was such fun a parties.”

The End

This is a heavily revised version of my entry. I was not happy with the original which was nearly all monolog and rather ‘Reader’s Digest’ at the end. Hope you find this more enjoyable. Thanks again to Morpheus, for the contest, it was fun.

Best wishes to all,

John in Wauwatosa

Revised 08/30/2006
Special thanks to my evil blonde sister for proofing assistance.