Blonde Joke Chapter Twenty-Three by Jeffrey M. Mahr   What do you get when you put several blondes in a freezer? Frosted Flakes

The party was over, the lights were dimmed to near normal and all the other guests had left. Tommi, Frankie and Katrina sat at a table in the corner as the Cravat’s wait staff cleaned around them. Each nursed a partially filled wine glass and communed with her own thoughts. Finally, Frankie hesitantly asked, “That went well, didn’t it?”

Tommi and Kat laughed before pointing out that it was an amazing party.

“And I don’t just mean the food, the wine and the people,” Tommi added. “This wrapped up so well, it could have been the ending of a fairy tale.”

“Yes,” Katrina agreed. “And not one of those Grimm Brother tales where everyone dies, a happy fairy tale, like the one’s Disneyâ„¢ likes to tell. The only thing missing was Agent Serdland. Maggie’s been seeing him for a while and wanted him to come to this shindig with her, but he was on assignment and couldn’t.”

“So, Mom,” Tommi asked. “I know I’ve asked this a bunch of times already, but I’ve got to ask again. You’re really not mad?”

“No, Tommi darling. I couldn’t be happier with the way things have turned out. Not that I ever had any expectations of changing gender. I can honestly say I never anticipated that, but I can live with it and, to be honest, being about forty years younger outweighs any issues I might have had.

“Actually, I applaud the two of you for finding a unique and ingenious solution to the problem of Franklin Brodsky. Even the gender change might not have stopped me if it weren’t for two things. Withholding the proof of change I would need to obtain a new identity until I agreed to step down was the first. The second was using your mother’s genes as the template for my remake. No matter how hard I fought and how much I wanted to hate, I couldn’t do it because I kept seeing her reflection and knew I needed to act as she would, not as Franklin Brodsky would. Does that make any sense?”

“Perfect sense, Mom,” Tommi said and reached over to hug her.

“How abut you, Tommi?” Katrina asked. “Do you have any regrets here?”

“You mean about being turned into your twin?”

“Among other things, yes.”

“Nope. None what so ever. In fact, it’s been a really blast to watch people do a double take and reassess their first impressions of me after underestimating me in a business deal. Besides, now I have a twin sister or three. How could I ever give that up?”

“How about you, Kat?” Frankie asked and then mused, “Gee, as Franklin, I don’t think I would have even thought to ask that question.”

“Probably not, Mom,” Tommi interjected. “But it’s a great question. How about it, Kat? I was a real bastard to you and those blond jokes were just the icing on the cake.”

“Actually, I could have done without the last year or two, but I heartily support the outcome. I wasn’t joking about this being a fairy tale ending. I got the job of my dreams, I got to reconnect with my kid sister and I got not just one twin,” Katrina noted as she patted Tommi’s knee, “But three if you count Rikki and Sydni.”

“By the way, did you hear that Rikki and Archie Goddard have been spending a lot of time together? They’ve been double dating with Sydni and Billy Smith, two of the guys in the consortium that was competing with BioTronics until we co-opted them onto the Board.”

”Well, Kat, you haven’t been doing too badly with Jack Webster.”

“Nor you with Chang Wu,” Kat responded with a laugh.

“So, how about you, Mom?” Tommi asked. “Are you ready to get into the dating scene yet?”

“Please,” Frankie laughed, I’m having enough trouble just trying to keep up with all you youngsters.”

“Yeah,” Tommi chortled. “Youngsters? Have you looked in a mirror lately, you old crone?”

“I’ll old crone you. I’ll have you know I don’t look a day over thirty.”

“Try twenty, Mom.”

Kat nodded in agreement.

“Honestly, I’ve just been clearing the decks, so to speak. With Sandra taking over as CEO I’ll have time for a bit of personal exploration. In fact, I plan on making sure there are very few Board meetings for the next year or so as I do some traveling and try to get a better handle on who I now am.”

This time, all three hugged. Afterward, Kat mentioned the time. “It’s getting late you know and all three of us need our beauty sleep. But, Tommi, before we leave, just to show that there really aren’t any hard feelings, I have a blonde joke for you.”

“Hey, I resemble that remark,” Tommi said indignantly before giggling.

“You certainly do, dear,” Frankie noted, “especially the blonde joke I’m about to tell.” Turning back to Kat, she asked, “Are you sure you want to do that? Blonde jokes have been an especially painful part of the horrible way you’ve been treated.”

“Not a problem, the way things have turned out, blonde jokes just don’t seem as barbed as in the past.”

The others settled in and took a last sip of their wine. Just as Frankie was about to begin, Tommi interrupted. “Sorry, Mom, but I have just one completely irrelevant question, I’ve just got to ask.

“Sure, Honey. Ask away.”

“Why do we always call Morton, your butler, Renfrew?”

“That’s an easy one. When you were three, you couldn’t say his last name, Redfield. It kept coming out something like “Refew, and given the similarity to Dracula’s man, Renfew, the name stuck.

“Now, before that blonde joke, may I ask you an irrelevant question or two?”

“Sure, Mom. Gee, you know, I really like saying that. I never realized exactly how much I missed Mom.”

“Me too, Honey. Me too. Anyway, the first question, this is a somewhat irrelevant question, actually two, is, “Who was Tennant and what ever happened to him?”

“That’s an easy one too. George Tennant was a made-up name for Ed Woods–his real name, I think–one of the bouncers here at The Cravat. He’s also an actor, who’s since left the area for Hollywood to follow his dreams. The money you gave him was a great help I understand.”

“And my second and more relevant question is, “When did you two concoct this whole sting?”

Tommi and Kat glanced at each other and Kat shrugged, so Tommi answered. “Back when we were in the isolation chamber at the lab, the general framework was developed in-between planning how to escape from BioTronics. It all almost fell apart when Tommi had a brief identity crisis from trying to be Tom and Tommi at the same time. The plan wasn’t finalized until after I took Kat’s place as your captive at White Wood in order to give her time to talk to you, when you were still Franklin Brodsky. It wasn’t until she agreed with me that Franklin Brodsky just could not continue to exist if this was to be resolved, just before we escaped from White Wood, that the last stage of the process when into effect.”

“Tommi took my place so I could prepare the serum needed using some stray hairs from the clothes in mom’s closet. I was actually the one to add the modified dose of ViTaGeSeM needed to initiate your transformation to you champagne that night. We hope you forgive us, if not now, than at some point. Even Maggie, Barbie and Karen were mad at us for a while because we couldn’t tell them.”

“Of course, I forgive you.” Frankie smiled and hugged the two blondes yet again in order to help relieve them of any feelings of guilt. “You need to believe that I now see this as the best thing that could have happened to me. I had wealth and power. I had all the trappings that went with wealth and power, but I was so angry I could never enjoy it. I almost destroyed you, Tommi, my own flesh and blood. I never really saw you, just a reminder of your mother. I can finally step back and look objectively at my life as Franklin Brodsky. Now, I can see that he did some good, but I can also see all the pain that he caused. Best of all, he’s not me. Frankie Brodsky can, and will do what she can to ease the pain and help others the way Jacqueline would have wanted from the start.

There were tears in everyone’s eyes and everyone hugged yet again. You can never appreciate the value of a cathartic event until you experience one of your own and it was evident that Frankie Brodsky truly was a new person.

“I feel like I should ask an irrelevant question too,” Kat noted, realizing that it was time to change the subject or the party would end on a sad note–unacceptable after all that had occurred. Instead, she said, “but I don’t have one, so I’ll just ask, ‘What’s the joke already?’”

They all sat back and enjoyed a sip of the wine as Frankie began.

“A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

“He explains, ‘I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa.’

“Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, ‘Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00.’

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

“The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What's the distance from the earth to the moon?’ The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.

"’Okay,’ says the lawyer, ‘Your turn.’

“She asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?’ The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.

“The blonde says, ‘Thank you,’ puts her head on the pillow and goes back to sleep.

“The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, ‘Well, what's the answer?’ Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.”