The Good Son: 4

 

Sometimes you're living a lie and you don't know it.
As Jack tells his story, you'll see what I mean.

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Author's Note: I love to read comments, pro and con, but I'd also just love for you to check in and let me know that you're doing ok. ~Clara.
 
This version of The Good Son: 4 has been updated with many corrections towards spelling and grammar.~Sephrena.
 
Image Credit: Image created through the use of ai at https://perchance.org/beautiful-people .~Sephrena.

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Chapter 4
 

When we got to the car, I opened the front, passenger door, where I had been sitting, and I let Ronny sit there. She sat in the seat and turned to everyone and said a very quiet 'hi' to everyone, but the only one who replied was Ria.

I sat behind her in the back seat, beside Julia, with Avery on the other side. "Avery. Julia. Say hello to Ronny."

They just stared for a moment before finally Avery said, "Hi, Ronny. So... What'cha been up to lately?" It was a weird thing to say, but it was funny enough to make everyone laugh and relax a little so that the ride home wasn't as awkward as it might have been.

When we got home, Ronny told us a bit of her story. She told us that, growing up, she'd been jealous of the girls in the house and always found herself attracted to men. Those things scared her and to mask that, she had started drinking heavily at a young age and acting out.

"If you don't think I knew that I was an asshole, you're mistaken," she said. "I just didn't know how not to be one."

"Ronny," Julia said, looking at our cousin with sympathy for the first time ever, "why didn't you ever talk to us? I mean... we were all right there all that time."

Ronny smiled, but the smile was a little sad. "Jules... would you have been sympathetic... or would you have laughed?"

Julia thought for a moment. "We were never very close, but I don't think I would have laughed, Ronny. I really don't."

Ronny raised her eyebrows, not sure if she believed her.

"You never gave us a chance, Ronny," Avery said. "You just assumed we'd let you down. Maybe we would have, but... I'd like to think that we wouldn't have if you'd reached out to us."

Ria had been pretty quiet the whole time until then. "Of course, I'm pretty new to all of this, but it seems to me like, when Jack reached out to you, you were the one who let him down."

Ronny looked at me and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I? You know, I was really ticked off by your tenacity, Jack, but I should have been grateful for it. Come here."

She stood up and held up her arms spread, as I had done in the bar. I stood and received the hug the way she had done. "I'm sorry, Jack. I'm really sorry. It's going to take some time to learn how NOT to be an asshole."

"You're getting there, Ronny," I teased. "One step at a time."

We heard the backdoor open and close and we all held our breath for a moment waiting to see who might enter the room. Luckily, it was Chelsea. She stopped dead in her tracks, though, at the sight of what she thought was her sister hugging a stranger.

"Oh...umm... hello..." she said, then looked around the room for a moment and became more confused. "Ok... what's going on here?" She pointed at me. "Avery, or Jack?"

"Jack," I said.

"Ok," she said, then she stepped forward and extended her hand. "And this is?"

"Ronny," Ronny said, extending her hand.

"Ronny... RONNY! HOLY SHIT!" Chelsea was almost frightened and took a step back. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

"Come on Chelsea, calm down," Avery said, "Ronny is here to talk to us about his - I'm sorry Ronny - about her changes."

"And Jack? Are you joining 'Team Estrogen?'" Chelsea said with very little sympathy, but with rather uncharacteristic snark. In fact it was a rather harsh remark.

"Alright," I said with more authority than I would have expected of me, "that attitude is going to stop right now. Ronny has been avoiding us because he didn't want to deal with that kind of bullshit, Chelsea. So, knock it off, right now. Ronny's your cousin and deserving of your respect, do you understand me?"

When I'd finished my scolding, Chelsea's face had gone from a look of superiority to a look of embarrassment. She nodded and looked from me to Ronny and back again. "Ok. You're right, Jack. Ronny, I'm sorry. I was just taking advantage of an opportunity to get back at you and I shouldn't have. How are you? I... I mean... Are you ok... you know what I mean... Are you happy... now... like this?" She had softened a bit, but her standoffishness was still obvious. She was being cold in a way that was unusual for Chelsea.

Ronny smiled a little at Chelsea's inability to find her footing. I think she was trying to be sympathetic. "Yeah, Chelsea, I am. Thank you for asking. I feel like I've finally found myself. I have a good job, good friends, and... thanks to Jack... I'm trying to find my way back into the family and help my mom."

Chelsea nodded. "Well, that's great, Ronny, but I don't think that The Mom's are going to be one hundred percent accepting of you like this - especially at this particular moment." She took off her jacket and looked at me. "Jacky, I assume that you looking like my little sister has something to do with Ronny being here?"

I nodded.

"So... is there a plan?" she asked.

"We're working on one," I said. "If you have any ideas, we're open to suggestions."

No one did, so after a while, we called it a night.

It kind of killed me to shower after all the time that we'd spent on my hair, but Aunt Ann was going to wake up the next day and I wanted to be there, so having 'Avery hair' was not in the cards.

Ronny slept in her bed at our house for the first time in ages, Ria slept in mine and I slept on the couch, again. Despite encouragement from all parties, except Chelsea, who still seemed oddly bothered by Ronny's presence, I did not wear my flannel nightgown to bed. Yes, it would have been warmer, but I was concerned that my mother or aunt might surprise me in the night and that it just wasn't the right time for that kind of discussion. So, it was a warm pair of sweat pants and a warm sweat shirt.

The next morning, Chelsea drove Ria home and then drove me to the hospital on her way to work, while Avery and Julia drove Ronny to her apartment to pick up some clothes.

After dropping off Ria, I asked Chelsea if she was upset about Ronny being back. She hemmed and hawed before finally answering. "Jack... Ronny and I have a... complicated history, I guess is a good way to put it. He's ten years older than you, Jack. He's six years older than me. When he was eighteen, I was twelve and you were eight... well... a lot happened that an eight year old probably wasn't aware of."

"Like what?" I asked, knowing I probably didn't want to know the answer.

Chelsea sighed. "Look, Jack... One afternoon, I was babysitting you and Jules... my mom and yours had taken Avery to her soccer game... Aunt Ann was working... and... Ronny was wherever Ronny got to back then." I could tell that this was not something Chelsea was comfortable talking about, but after a moment or two, she continued. "Well, he came home drunk. Really drunk. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even remember it happening, but... he got pretty handsy and... then tried to..." she stumbled on her words. "... you know..."

"Tried to what?" I asked, assuming that what I was thinking wasn't possible.

"He tried to rape me, Jacky."

"Holy cow, Chelsea, did you tell your mom?"

'Of course I did, Jack. I told your mom, too.

"And?"

"And... nothing. Ronny was drunk, they said. He was just acting like his father. They said he PROBABLY was so drunk that he couldn't have done anything anyway and I shouldn't have been wearing shorts that short in front of him... other crap like that. Then my mother told me to watch myself when he was like that and..." she got quiet.

"And what?" I couldn't imagine that they just let that go unpunished.

"And life went on."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. No wonder she hated him so much. "Geez, Chelsea, I'm so sorry. I didn't know anything about this."

She shrugged. "Neither do Avery of Jules, Jacky. Don't tell them, ok? It's not something I want to talk about." She drove on for a little bit, then said, "I suppose I should be happy that he's getting himself gelded eventually, shouldn't I?"

I didn't know what else to do and laughing certainly didn't seem like the right thing at the moment, so I just reached over and took her right hand off the steering wheel and held it as we rode on.

When I got to the hospital, I found my mom and Aunt Mary in the critical care unit where I'd left Aunt Ann. Both of them hugged me and they told me that the doctors were going to revive Aunt Ann slowly.

"Your mom is in a kind of twilight right now," the doctor said, referring to my aunt, assuming that she was my mother. "We've just removed the breathing tube and we're going to wake her up a little more, now. She may say some odd things, but don't worry about that. It's just the anesthesia."

Aunt Ann began to stir.

"Hey, Annie," my Aunt Mary said in a sweet voice, "how are you feeling?"

"Oh, I feel awful," Aunt Ann moaned. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital, Annie," my mother said in that same voice my Aunt Mary had used.

It occurred to me that I'd never heard my Aunt Ann spoken to in such loving tones before. It was kind of sweet to hear it now.

"Why am I in the hospital?"

"You fell, honey," Aunt Mary said.

"Don't you remember, Annie. Jack found you on the ice. He rode with you in the ambulance," my mother offered.

"I don't remember the ice or falling, but I remember the ambulance," Aunt Ann said. "Jacky said he loved me and told me not to die."

My mother's right hand went to her mouth, and her left hand waved me towards the bed, but she wouldn't look at me. Her voice was breaking as she spoke and she sniffled a little. "Jack's here, Annie. He's here to be with you."

I took my aunt's hand and leaned down low. "Hi, auntie. It's Jack."

"Hi, Jacky." She said and I swear she smiled a little. "Jacky... I didn't die." Her voice was weak and surprisingly sincere.

"No..." I laughed a little. "You didn't die. Thank you for that." I kissed her hand. "I'm really happy that you didn't."

"Jacky... did you find Ronny like you promised?" I was more than a little shocked that my aunt had heard that promise, but like I said, she'd definitely reacted when I'd made it.

"Oh, Annie," Aunt Mary said, "no one knows where Ronnie is. You can't expect Jack to..."

"Yes I did," I interrupted. "I found Ronny for you. I brought Ronny home."

"Honey," my mother said quietly, "don't make promises you can't keep. Your aunt is in a very fragile state right now..."

"I'm telling the truth, mom. I went through a lot last night, but I found Ronny last night. Last night, Ronny stayed at our house." I was very careful to avoid any pronouns.

"Then why isn't he here with his mother, right now?" my mother asked a bit annoyed, but still speaking quietly.

"It's a little complicated. Avery and Julia are with Ronny now, getting clothes and things like that so that Ronny can help with Aunt Ann's recovery when she comes home."

"So he'll be staying with us?" Aunt Mary asked.

"For now, yes. I don't know about work, but as far as sleeping and helping out with Aunt Ann's recovery... yes."

I saw a look of concern pass between my mother and aunt and I wondered if it might be related to the story that Chelsea had told me in the car.

We all sat with my Aunt Ann for several hours, until she got too tired and needed to sleep. When she drifted off, we stepped out into the hall to speak.

"Do you guys want to go home to shower and get some rest?" I asked. "I can stay here for the night." Had I been thinking, I would have realized that having them go home without me would mean them seeing Ronny without me and that would not be a good thing.

My mother hugged me. "Somethings I think you belong in another family. You're way too nice to belong in ours." I laughed, but she continued. "I think we'll stay here one more night, though. We've each brought one more change of clothes, we can shower here and now that Ann is awake, we should stay in case she needs us. We'll go home tomorrow and get ready for the work week."

"Ok," I said, with a nod. "Let me know if you need anything."

I started to leave, but Aunt Mary stopped me with a question. "Jacky, what's going on with Ronny?"

I tried to play innocent. "What do you mean?"

"Well, there was no sign of him at Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years... he hasn't even called his mother in months... Now, you say you found him, but he can't be bothered to be here when his mother is coming out of anesthesia. Is he drunk? Strung out? What's going on?"

"Actually, no. Ronny's doing better than ever, in fact." I hoped they'd just let it drop, but no such luck.

My mother folded her arms and gave me that 'stink eye' look. "What aren't you telling us, John?"

Before I got to the whole 'John Kennedy Richards' thing again, I figured the most mature thing to do was to tell them the truth - at least some of the truth. "Ok, look... Ronny has been going through a lot and you need to be supportive, ok?"

My mom and her sisters all looked really similar, but right now, with the two of them staring me down, their arms folded and both of them giving me the same 'stink eye,' they looked like two heads on some weird mythical creature.

"Supportive of WHAT, exactly?" Aunt Mary spat.

"Well..." I took a deep breath and prepared myself. "Ronny has found that she is a..." I never finished.

"SHE!?" My mother said.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me," Aunt Mary let out a sardonic laugh as she slapped a hand to her forehead and turned away from me.

"This is NOT happening in our house, Jack," my mother stated emphatically. "Not now, not ever, but CERTAINLY NOT NOW!"

"You tell Ronny to put on his big boy pants and act like a man or get THE HELL OUT OF OUR HOUSE, JACK!" My aunt screamed at me in a rage like I'd never seen before.

"Mom, Auntie," I tried to be rational and calm them down and also get some control over what was happening in this public place, "I don't think you understand. Ronny didn't just throw a dress on or something like that. She's been living as a woman for months. She's made changes in her life and to her body. She's a different person than she was the last time you saw her."

"Oh, Christ Almighty," my mother hissed, "Ronny is still the same obnoxious, self centered, spoilt little asshole that he's always been and he's not going to pull the wool over my eyes by wearing a dress. You tell him, Jack, he looks like a man by noon tomorrow or he leaves that house. Is that clear?"

"No, mom, I am not tell her that."

"Oh, God, Mary, do you hear this? 'Her?' Ronny wants to be called 'her.' Jack, I have enough on my plate right now and I do not need this. Just get him out of my house."

I hated to be the bad guy in this conversation, but... "Mom, it's not 'YOUR' house. It's 'OUR' house. And even if you don't think of it as being owned by the 'kids,' it is Aunt Ann's house, too, and Ronny is Aunt Ann's kid. Now, please don't be the way you're being. Just give Ronny a chance. She's really changed and she needs her family now and so does Aunt Ann."

My mother and her sister just looked at each other and shook her heads without saying anything. The silence went on for so long that I couldn't take it any more.

"What if it was me who was a trans-woman, mom? Would you feel the same? Would you just throw me out, too?" I asked. They were both silent for way too long. "Well? Would you?"

"YES!" My mother finally exploded at me. "Yes, Jack, I would. I told you I didn't like this dressing up stuff that you do sometimes, but that seems to be something that the world is ok with. But this 'trans' stuff... it's wrong, Jack. It's unnatural and it's just a trend that we're all going to have to pay for at some point down the line when half the men in the world have destroyed themselves. It's absolutely ridiculous and I will not play any part in it."

I could not believe what I was hearing. My mother had always been a fairly caring and understanding person. I never expected anything like this from her.

"Aunt Mary," I turned to her for support, "you don't feel that way, do you?"

She nodded before she spoke. "Yeah, Jacky, I do. I agree with your mom a hundred per cent. This whole trans-gender thing... it's unholy, Jack."

"Unholy!?" I was shocked. "My God. Do you know how hard I had to work to convince Ronny that her family would love her no matter what? I thought we were more than just people who lived in the same house... I thought..." I could feel my emotions getting the better of me and I knew that I had to be careful or I'd start to cry like a child, and I certainly didn't want to do that. So I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "I guess it doesn't matter what I thought. We're only a family as long as we don't need each other, right?"

I turned to leave and I heard my aunt say, "Jack, don't be so melodramatic. Come back."

I did turn around. "Melodramatic? Should I have just let my aunt, your sister come to the hospital by herself? That's what your daughters and my sister thought. In fact, when my mother found out I'd come with her, she sounded mad at me. But guess what, when she woke up just now, she remembered that I was there. So why did I do it? Because we're family, and I thought that's what family did. Why didn't anyone else? Because their in THIS family and YOU TWO taught them what THIS family is. Well, I'm not sure I want to be in THIS family."

"Oh, Jacky, come on," my mother said, coming towards me, but I took a step back.

"Look, when you get home tomorrow," I said, "Ronny will be there and I will be there to support her. By then, we will have figured out how we are going to tell Aunt Ann about Ronny. It would be really nice if you'd decided to accept Ronny as she is, but if not, we will have a bridge that we will need to cross. Ok? No matter what happens, though, remember that I love you both. I love Aunt Ann. I love Chelsea, Avery, Julia and even Ronny. This family is my heart and soul and it taught me how to love so well that now I am able to love Ria, too. What just happened here has really hurt me, mom, but I still love you all and I want nothing more than to repair everything and make this family whole - to make it the way I THOUGHT it was." I turned and walked away. I think they called after me, but I was just too upset to hear them.

I sent a group text to the girls for someone to pick me up. Avery and Julia showed up about twenty minutes later and saw that I was upset. I gave them a thumbnail synopsis of my battle with our moms, then a thought occurred to me.

"Wait, wait! It's only two thirty," I said. "Avery, is there any chance that your hairdresser might have an opening today?"

She pulled over and turned in the driver's seat to look at me. "I don't know, Jacky, but I think I have an inkling of what you might be thinking about doing and I really don't think it's a good idea."

"I don't either, Jack," Julia agreed. "You just told us that mom said she'd throw you out if you were a trans-woman. Are you seriously going to challenge that?"

"Yes, I am," I said, defiantly. "You should have heard them! 'Unholy.' 'Unnatural.' I couldn't believe it!"

"Yeah, but Jack, will this do anything more than piss them off?" Julia asked. "You know, you've always been the Golden child, but this might be a little bit more than even you can get away with."

I laughed. "The Golden child. Right."

"Oh, come on, Jack," Julia scoffed. "The baby of the family. The only boy - well, except for Ronny, and he was such a screw up that he didn't count. From the moment you left mom's womb, you could do no wrong, but Jack... do you really want to put all of that at risk just for Ronny?"

I looked at my twin sister like I'd never seen her before. "Jules, Ronny needs help. If she can't turn to us for help, who else can she turn to?"

"Yeah," Avery said, "but what about our moms. Don't they deserve our respect? Isn't supporting Ronny being disrespectful to our moms?"

"Not if our moms are wrong, Avery," I said, and I think I must have sounded exhausted. "Please... I need you to help me. Can you just call your salon and see if I could get the same kind of perm you get so I can get that same kind of body to my hair? Maybe they could trim it a little, too, so it's exactly like yours."

Avery looked at me, then at Julia, then shrugged and grabbed her phone.

Julia put her hand on Avery's phone. "You know that you'll get some of the blame for this, too. Especially if he looks like a clone of you."

Avery paused for a moment, then looked at me. "Yeah. Why do you need to look just like me?"

I grinned. "Because I think it'll play with their brains if I do."

Avery's face grew into an evil smile that indicated that she loved the idea. "You'd better let me wear that navy blue dress whenever I want to."

"Any time you want to." I smiled.

She looked at Julia. "It's worth it."

It turned out that Avery's hairdresser had an opening at three fifteen, so off we went. I had my first perm, just to add some body, mind you, and a little trim so that I had Avery's style copied exactly, and for the near future, it was a commitment.

"Well, I hope Ria likes it," Julia said, as we got into the car.

"Oh, shoot, Ria," I said. "I probably should have bounced this off of Ria, huh?"

Both the girls laughed. "Something tells me that isn't going to be an issue," Avery said.

I called Ria and explained the situation. When I told her my plan to make my mother and aunt see things more clearly, she shrieked, "YES! I'LL BE RIGHT OVER!" So I took that as a sign of support.

When I got home, I pulled out the box containing the brown sweater and corduroy jumper-dress combination that Ria had given me for Christmas and tried it on. It fit beautifully. I left it on for Ria to see, but that was my outfit for the next day.

"What's this about?" Ronny asked when she saw me in the outfit.

I gave her a toned down version of the dramatics at the hospital and I had to stop her from grabbing her bags and heaving.

Chelsea wasn't a lot of help, either. She was being a bit passive/aggressive with remarks meant to make Ronny feel uncomfortable in our home.

"Alright, alright!" I finally said, at my wits' end. "Everyone to the kitchen table. We are talking this out, NOW!"

As the youngest of the group, I was actually a little surprised that they all obeyed me and headed out to the kitchen.

"Listen, hon," Ria said quietly, "I should probably duck out and let you and our family talk without me and it sounds like I probably won't see you tomorrow either, so," she kissed me sweetly, "just remember I love you, and that you look really cute in that dress. Good luck and call me if you need me to come get you, ok?"

I gave her a hug. "Ok. Thanks, Ria. I'm sure... well, I'm pretty sure... that everything will be ok. I'll let you know. Bye bye."

When I joined the others at the kitchen table, I was not at all certain what to say, so I spoke the way that the councilors in high school had spoken when we had had conflicts in class, but I was sincere about my feelings.

"Ok, guys, I really feel like I've dug a pretty deep hole here and I'm trying to figure out how find a way out. So, I'm going to speak first and then I'm going to ask that we go clockwise around the table and that we speak honestly. Ok? After we all have spoken, then we can interact, ok?"

Everyone nodded. I was already surprised that things were going this well.

"Ok, so... the way I see it is that, yes, Ronny has been a problem in the past - no offense, Ronny, but you have - but now, she has explained to us why she was acting out and she is making some pretty big efforts to change her life, so I am offering her my support - BUT BEYOND THAT - Aunt Ann came very close to death the other day and Ronny is her... well, she thinks of Ronny as her son and she needs us to help us reunite her with Ronny, so my vote is that we do everything we can to make that happen. That includes getting our moms to accept Ronny as she is and having Ronny stay with us for the time being." I thought for a moment. "I guess that's all I have to say." I looked to my left. "Avery. I guess you're next."

Avery took a moment to collect her thoughts then said, "Look, Ronny, I'm not going to pretend that we were ever close or anything, but obviously your mom needs your help now, so I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt IF you are willing to behave properly. I mean... you need to be here for your mom. Of course, you can go out with your friends on a Friday or a Saturday, but you need to make plans with us to cover for you, ok? Just like a job. I know that sounds kind of childish, but you haven't been all that reliable in the past, so... if you intend to come back home with the intention of HELPING, then you're going to need to actually need to help. Ok?"

Ronny nodded. "Yeah, ok," she said. "I can do that."

"Julia," I said, "it's your turn."

Julia looked at everyone. "I have to tell you guys. I'm really uncomfortable with all of this. Ronny... I mean... you grew up here, so... I guess this is as much your house as anyone else's. I don't think I really have any say in any of this. I think it's really between you and your mother. Beyond that, I'm really uncomfortable with how my mom and Aunt Mary are going to react when they get home. I don't like conflicts like this, but... like I said... I think this really comes down to Aunt Ann and Ronny. So... Ronny... you need to win over my mom and Aunt Mary. It can't be a constant battle ground around here."

Ronny nodded. "Ok. I'll do everything that I can."

I looked at Chelsea. "Chels?"

Chelsea shook her head for a long, long moment before she spoke. "Ronny... I hate to say this, but... I just don't want you in this house and I think you might know why."

Ronny looked at her and shook her head. "Chelsea, I know that I was a jerk for most of my life, but I've change. I really, have. I used to drink a lot - now, I only drink one beer a night and I nurse that for three of four hours. I don't hang out with the same people I used to hang out with. I'm not a black out drunk any more, I..."

Chelsea slammed her hand onto the table as hard as she could. "Are you serious? Do you seriously not remember what happened right here... right here in this kitchen, ten years ago when I was babysitting the twins? You walked in here drunk as a skunk and tried to rape me!"

"What?" Avery shouted and leapt out of her seat as if to protect her sister.

Julia looked almost as shocked as Ronny did and they both sat and stared in shock.

"Oh, God," Ronny finally said. "Chelsea, I... I... I don't know what to say. I don't... I didn't..." She looked around at all of us. "Look... ten years ago I had no idea who I was. I hated myself and everyone around me. I just lashed out. I drank... I just drank and took whatever drugs I could get my hands on to get away from the pain of being alive. Chelsea... I didn't... I mean... I don't have any memory of doing that. I mean, I'm not denying it and... I am so sorry that I did it. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I really am. Honestly, I am not that person anymore. I really am not."

Ten years of pain and hurt and frustration had finally come pouring out of Chelsea, though and she couldn't possibly handle all that pain at one time. "So?... So?... So?... what? Am I just supposed to put the most traumatic moment of my life aside because you say you're sorry? Is that it? Ronny, I know you were drunk, but I WAS TWELVE FUCKING YEARS OLD! Christ, you were always drunk! We were like sisters and a brother and then there was you and we were all afraid of you! We lived in fear of your arrival every goddamned day, Ronny, and that day was no different. I had left the twins out on the swing set that we used to have in the back yard and I was making them lunch and you stumbled in here and you just stared at me while I made the sandwiches. Then, all of a sudden... you were all over me! Your hands were on my breasts, you knocked me down on the table and you were pulling my shorts down. If I hadn't gotten my knee up and kneed you in your balls, you would have actually raped me, Ronny. You would have violated me. Taken away my choice as to how I chose to share my body for the first time."

Ronny looked at her hands, then at Chelsea and then at all of us. She was pale and upset. "I... I... just don't know..." she sputtered.

"Are you taking hormones, now?" Chelsea asked bluntly.

"Am I...?" Ronny seemed surprised by the question. "I am... yes."

"Good." Chelsea nodded. "I said this to Jacky this morning - I know it's not nice to say, but I'm glad that you're finally gelding yourself. It's probably safer for everyone."

Ronny blinked a few times, then sniffled a bit. "I think I should probably go." She pushed her chair back and stood. "I... I'm..." she looked around at everything in the room that didn't have a face and then finally said, "I can't... no... I'll go."

I stood when she did. "Ronny... I think we need to keep talking..."

"No, Jack," Ronny said, sadly. "Look, honey, I appreciate everything you've tried to do, but... sometimes a person does things too horrible to apologize for and...," she looked at Chelsea, "I really do apologize, Chelsea. I know that means nothing, but... I do. I know you'll never forgive me, but... now that I know what I did... I'll never forgive myself, either."

She hugged me and kissed my cheek. "I've unblocked you on my phone, Jack. Call me now and then, ok. Let me know how my mom is doing."

"Ronny..."

"Avery and Julia know where I live if you ever want to come by. I'll let you know if I move." She looked around. "I'm sorry for everything, girls. I really am. I was... well.." I could hear her losing control as she spoke and I knew she wanted to get to the door, but needed to say something.

She took three steps towards the door, but stopped. "Chelsea... I..." She sighed. "... never mind..." She started to leave.

"No," Chelsea stopped her. "Say what you want to say." I thought that Chelsea looked a little bit too superior under the circumstances, but I understood that she'd suffered with this for a long time and needed to show her strength, now.

"Did you hear anything about me trying to kill myself a few years ago?"

Both Julia and Avery said 'no,' but both Chelsea and I said 'yes.'

"Well... I didn't try to kill myself," Ronny said. "I was desperate. I couldn't afford sex reassignment surgery and everyday I became more and more... manly. I had to do something. I bought a sharp straight razor and I drew a hot bath. Then I called 911 and told them I'd cut off my scrotum. Then... I got into the bath tub... and did it."

'Oh, my God..." Avery gasped.

"Ronny..." I whispered and tried to hug her, but she held me off.

Julia stood in shock.

"So..." Ronny was weeping, now, "I actually gelded myself quite some time ago. And you're right. It probably was best for everyone." And she walked out the door.

We all just stared at the door for a long time, until finally I sat and cried. I don't think I cried just for Ronny. I think I cried for the impossibility of the situation. This meant that my mother and my aunts knew that Ronny was, at least at some level, trans, and they still said all those terrible things at the hospital.

Julia sat beside me and rubbed my back. "Are you going to be ok, Jack?"

I shrugged and grabbed a tissue to dab my eyes. "I don't know, Jules." I looked around and realized that Avery and Chelsea had gone into the living room. "Is Chelsea ok?"

Julia shook her head. "I don't know, Jacky. This is all such a mess. I don't think anyone is ok right now."

"I know," I agreed. "I should probably just get changed, I suppose."

Julia gave a noncommittal shrug and we both stood. "Jacky... I don't know what to say, but... I think you were doing the right thing, even though everything went wrong. We just didn't know how much damage Ronny had done."

"I don't think Ronny even knew," I said and I gave my sister a hug. "Thanks, Jules."

I was just about to go to my room when the door opened and my mother and Aunt Mary entered.

"Hi, girls," my mother said, looking tired. "Your Aunt Ann is doing better, but she's tiring out awfully quickly. We thought we'd come home quickly and..."

My mother stopped because Avery had come into the kitchen to hear what was being said. My mother looked at my cousin and then at me. "I don't have the strength for this today, Jack. Which one are you?"

I sighed. "I'm Jack," I said and I was about to explain my reasons for being dressed as I was, but I wasn't given the time. Instead, my mother went on the attack.

"God Almighty, don't I have enough to deal with today? What the hell is wrong with you?"

Look, mom," I tried to explain, "the reason that I'm dressed like this is because, like I told you, we had Ronny here and I was trying to make a point..."

"And I told you that Ronny could stay here if he put a pair of pants on and acted like a man! Now, did he do that, or did he leave?"

The vehemence of her attack was pretty surprising and threw me off a little. "He's gone... I mean... she's gone, but not because of any ultimatum or anything. She left because..."

"I don't care why he left, as long as he's gone. This stupidity has gone on long enough. Go get out of that ridiculous thing. After having the police, fire department and ambulance here the other day, the last thing I need right now is for the neighbors to see my son flouncing around like some fairy."

Now, I had planned on getting changed, but...

"You know, I think that things have gone far enough around here." I said, with more authority than I really had.

"Excuse me," my mother said, folding her arms.

"I've learned more about this family in the last seventy two hours than I ever wanted to know and I have to say that I am not at all pleased with what I've learned."

My mother smirked and shook her head. "Is that so? Well, why don't you enlighten me, Jack. I'm sure that you, a nineteen year kid, know SO MUCH MORE than the rest of us! Tell us Jack! What have you learned about this family?"

"Well, first I learned that what I thought was a pretty happy family was actually a hopelessly dysfunctional group of people that was living in complete denial."

My mother laughed and looked at my Aunt Mary and shook her head. "One semester of college and this is his diagnosis. We are a dysfunctional family." She looked back at me. "Go ahead, tell me more."

"Alright," I said. "First off, there was a thirteen year old boy in this house seventeen years ago and when he started drinking and taking drugs, you and your sisters didn't help him find help because that might just have brought some embarrassment to your Irish, Southie, lace-curtain sense of pride. Instead, you just let him get get drunker and drunker and more and get more troubled instead of helping him get sober. Then, when he was eighteen and he attacked a twelve year old girl in this household," I saw Chelsea turn to look in my direction and Aunt Mary turn to look at Chelsea, "did you get her help? No! You made her just live in fear and guilt and then keep all that fear and confusion inside herself and you told her to be careful around her cousin - like it was somehow her fault! Ronny needed your help and you ignored him. Chelsea needed your help and you ignored her! Then, when Ronny finally figured out what was finally wrong with her and came to Aunt Ann, Aunt Mary and you and she told you that she was transgendered, you all turned your backs on her. When she was so desperate that she nearly killed herself by cutting off her own testicles, you all turned your backs on her! My God, mom, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?"

"Alright, I've heard just about enough of this..." my mother tried to interrupt, but my flood gates had opened and there was no closing them at that point.

"You pretend that we're a family, but as soon as there's the slightest chance that someone might be embarrassed by anything then we turn our backs on each other or pretend that no problems exist. Is that how families are supposed to behave?"

"I said that's enough!"

"No, it's not nearly, enough, mom," I continued, "because your sister needs her child and maybe her child isn't exactly who she expects her to be, but they need each other and you're not standing between them right now."

"Of for crying out loud, Jacky, she doesn't need that drunk queen prancing around this house in a dress. She needs help, not a drag show." My mother waved her arms around dramatically, now. "This is ridiculous. You have no idea what you're talking about. Your aunts and I have held this family together though all of the troubles and bullshit that Ronny has put us through and THIS is the thanks we get!? You turn on us when things are at the worst?"

"Things wouldn't be at their worst if you hadn't been making them this bad for years, mom. Think about it. We need help. We all do. This whole family needs to sit down with a therapist and work out a truck load of problems..."

"Oh, please! I am not going to air my dirty laundry in front of some total stranger...!"

"See! There's the problem! Right there! Hide the problems! Ronny's a fifteen year old black out drunk - hide it! Ronny sexually assaults Chelsea - hide it! Chelsea is traumatized - hide it! Ronny is transgendered - hide it! Jack is gender-fluid, and Jack IS gender-fluid, mom, THIS," I indicted my dress, "is NOT going away," that was a realization that had suddenly burst into my psyche, "hide it! Well, SCREW THAT! Jack is not hiding it just to make you or anyone else happy, mom! Starting right now, this family is going to start facing reality."

"STOP IT!" my mother shrieked. "RIGHT NOW. STOP ALL OF THIS NONSENSE."

I'd lost all sense of propriety, though. I was as unhinged as she was. "No, mom. I'm done. I am going to the hospital and I am talking to Aunt Ann and some healing is going to start right now, today."

"Good God Almighty." My mother shook her head. "NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME, JOHN KENNEDY RICHARDS..." she shouted my full name, about to pull out the big guns, but I cut her off.

"Maybe you should change that to 'Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis Richards' while I'm dressed like this, mom," I said.

Now, I had escalated this whole thing to a level higher than anything that had ever happened in our house before and no one, not my sister, my cousins, my Aunt Mary, my mother of even I was really aware of how high our emotions had gotten, but I never expected the open palmed slap that my mother's right hand connected to my left cheek at that moment. It was so powerful, so loud, so stinging and painful that it actually silenced the room for a moment.

I blinked as I processed what had happened and I looked at my mother. In nearly twenty years, I don't remember her ever hitting me, let alone slapping me like that. I wasn't sure what my response should be, but I was sure that backing down wasn't appropriate.

"Was that meant to shut me up or show me that you loved me? Because I didn't get either message."

"Jacky, come on," I heard Julia say, but I was busy.

"If you think that hitting me is going to prove to me that we DON'T need family therapy, then you are mistaken."

"I've heard enough, Jack," my mother said, flatly.

"My whole life, I thought that Aunt Ann was the judgmental prude, that you were the voice of reason and Aunt Mary was the one who just went along, but now I realize that you were always the bully, Aunt Ann was the patsy and I was right about Aunt Mary - she just went along."

My mother's arm went back to strike again, but someone grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. Before I knew what was happening, I my face was pushed into the nook of my cousin Chelsea's shoulder and neck.

"I love you Aunt Didi," she said, using my mother's nickname, "but so help me God, if you ever strike this boy again, you will be the most unhappy woman in the world."

"Chelsea!" I heard my Aunt Mary shout. "Don't you dare talk to your aunt like that!"

"You know what, mom?" Chelsea said, still holding me close. "Something Jack just said made more sense to me than anything else I've heard, or even thought of, for ten years. All that time I've been blaming Ronny and Ronny alone for what happened that day and... yeah, he attacked me, but he had been a drunk kid looking for help for years and none of you helped him. And after he attacked me... instead of getting me help, you made me feel like a victim all over again. No one got me help. No one said, 'It's not your fault, Chelsea.' You just told be to stay away from Ronny and implied that I should have known better than to have worn shorts like that in front of him. So, every day, I just had to live in fear of what Ronny - a sick, tormented kid who was crying out for help and being ignored - I had to worry about what he might do to me if he got a little too drunk and a little too brazen. EVERYDAY, MOM! EVERY FUCKING DAY I HAD TO LIVE WITH THAT. And all you and Auntie Ann and Auntie Deidra had to do was get him help... or get me help... or get us help... but you didn't. You just told me not to talk about it. Just be quite and be careful."

The room was quiet and sad for a long time.

"Chelsea..." my Aunt Mary said, but she couldn't seem to find any other words to say. Here lips just moved, but no sound came out.

Finally, Chelsea said to Julia and Avery, "Come on. Get your coats. Avery, get a coat for Jack. And a pocketbook, too."

"Where are we going?" Julia asked, as she buttoned her jacket up.

"To see Auntie Ann. She needs to hear the truth and she needs to hear it from all of us." She let me loose. "Jack has done enough of the hard work for all of us. It's time we do our part."

"That's it," my mother said, turning and headed towards her room. "I am fed up with the whole bunch of you." She slammed her door as she entered her room.

Avery handed me a coat and we all headed to the door, but my Aunt Mary grabbed both Chelsea and me by our arms. She was very upset, I could see that. Her eyes were watery and red. She looked at both of us, then hugged Chelsea and said, "Chelsea, honey... I'm sorry. I did my best."

Chelsea let her hug her, but didn't reciprocate. "I know, mom, but Jack is right. A lot could have been done, but nothing was."

My Aunt Mary let Chelsea go and nodded. "Maybe, honey, but... it's hard to see that when it's happening."

Chelsea raised her eyebrows. "Really, mom? It's happening now and Jack's only nineteen. It seems like he's seeing things a lot more clearly than any of us." She turned to the door, but waited for me.

My aunt looked at me. "Jacky... I'll talk to your mom. We'll get there, Jacky. This is all very confusing to us, but... we'll get there..."

I felt really badly about everything that had happened that afternoon, but I had meant every word that I'd said and every word that I'd said needed to be said. "Aunty... I need you to get there today." I kissed her cheek and I started crying - really hard. "I think... this might be the last time I see you Aunty. I'm sorry, but... I had to say what I said."

She pressed her lips together and cried a little, too. "I know."

"Now... I feel like I may never be welcome back in this house." I said. I looked around one last time, then I left feeling like I might never be back.

When we got to the hospital, we found that Aunt Ann had been moved to a new room, which was good, since I wasn't sure how we were all going to get into the ICU. Even on a regular ward, the nurse in charge was wary of letting all four of us in at the same time. "Please be aware of your aunt's condition," she warned us. "If she seems to be tiring, give her a break and let her sleep."

We assured her we would be considerate of Aunt Ann's needs and we were allowed in.

She was asleep when we entered, but the quiet bustle of our entrance was enough to rouse her. She blinked and smiled. "Hi, girls. Thank you for coming to see me," she said, weakly, as looked at us, then she realized there were two Averys. She squinted and shook her head, "Is one of you Jacky? What's going on?" She was obviously a little loopy from the drugs she'd been given.

I bent and kissed her cheek. "Hi, auntie," I said. "I'm Jacky. How are you?"

"Oh, you know me, Jack," she smiled. "I'm too ornery to die. You'll all just have to deal with me for years to come."

"We're glad to hear that," Julia said.

"You look good, auntie," Chelsea said.

"A heck of a lot better than you did the last time we saw you," Avery smiled, her sardonic wit shinning through.

Aunt Ann laughed a little at that then looked at me. "So, Jack... Why the dress? Are you just trying to irritate everyone again?"

I chuckled a little. "Auntie... what if I told you that I'd discovered that this was a part of who I am? That I was still going to be the Jack that you always knew, but that this Jack... that this... girly Jack... was going to be around sometimes, too... would you hate me?"

My aunt touched my cheek. "Jacky... how could I ever hate you? You saved my life, honey."

"Auntie, I saved your life because we're family and I love you. You understand that, right? I mean... maybe we haven't always been the closest, but I do love you. You know that, right?"

"Of course I do, honey, and I love all of you." She slurred her words a little from the drugs and her fatigue. "Oh, I know I'm an old, cold fish, but I love you all in my own way."

"We know, auntie." Julia smiled and patted my aunt's hair.

"I think the drugs are talking," Avery whispered.

"So, the clothes and how I live my life... none of that matters, right?" I persisted, moving surprisingly easily towards my goal.

"Of course not, Jacky. I don't care if you wear jeans or a ball gown," she touched my face. "You're still the same Jacky. You're a good boy, Jacky."

"Wow. It really is the drugs talking," Chelsea whispered back to Avery.

"Shh," Julia whispered to them.

"Auntie," I continued, "you know that Ronnie wasn't happy as a man, right?"

"Oh, I know," she shook her head. "My poor Ronny. He was never a happy boy."

"Yes, auntie, but did you know that Ronnie was transitioning to become a woman?"

"Is he?" She muttered and shook her head just a little bit. "Is he?" She pondered that for a few moments. "Well... I suppose that is for the best. He was always so unhappy. He even cut off his own... oh, I can't even say it, Jacky... Oh, poor Ronny... I hope he finds some happiness. The poor boy."

That was a surprising response. I had really expected a condemnation of some sort. "So... You're ok with Ronny becoming a woman?"

She nodded. "I wish I'd been a stronger woman myself, Jacky. Maybe I could have been a better mother to Ronny, but what could I do? I had no place else to go. No one else to turn to. I needed to have someplace to live. I was afraid my sisters would throw me out on my ear if I gave an inch. They nearly did a few times when Ronny's father wouldn't leave us alone - back when I first moved in. Of course you were all too young to remember, but he'd show up in the middle of the night and raise holy hell. It was awful. The police were there all the time. The neighbors were watching from the windows, oh, it was so embarrassing. Deirdre and Mary hated it - I did, too of course, but they threatened to make me leave if it didn't stop."

"And it did stop?"

"Oh, yes. When he died," she shrugged. "I guess that was inevitable. My ex-husband was a mean, hard man and he drank till he passed out every night. I certainly would rather Ronny find happiness than drink himself to death like his father."

"I'm very glad to hear that, auntie..." I started to say.

"Of course your mothers didn't have to deal with their husbands bothering them after their divorces. That's why they moved out of Boston in the first place. To get away from them." My aunt said.

All four of us froze. 'Divorced?' We we're always told our fathers had died while they were in the Marines fighting in the Middle East.

"Umm," Chelsea was the first to recover her speech, "auntie, did you say that our mom's were divorced? I thought that our dads were killed in the same battle in the Middle East back when we were little."

Aunt Ann laughed. "Oh, that foolish story. They made that up when they moved out here so that they would look like big deals in the community. You know how your mothers are."

We all stared at her in silence.

"You all knew that, though, didn't you?" our aunt asked.

"Oh, yeah, of course we did," Julia said with a smile and we all agreed.

"So..." I continued, "is it ok if I bring Ronny to see you?"

Aunt Ann's eyes brightened immediately. "You've seen Ronny, Jack? Yes, honey, yes. Bring him to see me."

"Well, auntie, you see... Ronny is transitioning. Do you understand what that means? It means that Ronny is much more of a 'she' than a 'he' these days. Is it still ok if she comes to see you?"

She petted my face again. "Ronny's my baby, Jacky. I'll always want to see my baby. Just tell him to come."

I stepped out of the room and called Ronny and told her the good news. It took her about forty five minutes for her to get a ride from a room mate and get to her mother's room. She text me from the lobby and I met her in the hallway and boy was she nervous.

"Are you sure she's ready to see me?" Ronny asked, actually shaking. She'd dressed up a little since we'd parted ways earlier that day.

"She's excited, Ronny, and she knows that you're transitioning, so don't worry. She says that she'd love you no matter what."

Ronny gave a skeptical shrug. "Ok, if you say so. Do I look ok?"

I smiled because it was such an 'un-Ronny' question. "You look great. Let me get the girls out and you can have your mom to yourself."

As I started to open the door, Ronny stopped me, "Jack, I think I'd feel better if you came in with me, too. Ok?"

"Oh... ok, sure."

I opened the door and told the girls that Ronny was here. They said their goodbyes to Aunt Ann and they filed out of the room, with Chelsea coming out last. As she passed Ronny, she stopped and looked at her. Ronny had a hard time returning Chelsea's gaze after their earlier interaction. After a moment, Chelsea spoke.

"Hey... Ronny... I... well... since we talked earlier... Jacky pointed out a few things about how our mothers might have, maybe, helped you... and me... when we were younger, but they didn't. I mean, you know, with our problems, but... look, I'm not ready to put it all behind me, but... I'm ready to start talking about it. Ok?"

Ronny gave her a small smile. "Thank you, Chelsea. That means the world to me... really."

Chelsea didn't exactly smile, but she did press her lips together and nod. Then she looked at me and said, "We'll be waiting out here, Jacky."

Ronny and I went into the room and I could see my aunt's face brighten immediately. "Ronny! Oh, Ronny, come here, honey!" She said, holding her arms up.

Ronny bent down and hugged her mother and I could hear both of them sniffle. "Hi, mom. Oh, I'm so sorry you got hurt."

They spent the next half hour getting reacquainted with each other. I think the sweetest moment was when Aunt Ann told Ronny how pretty she looked. It made Ronny cry. It made me tear up, too, to tell you the truth.

It seemed like their conversation was starting to get very
mother/daughter-ish by then and I was feeling like an interloper, so I cleared my throat and said, "Umm, hey... I'm going to give you two some space, ok? Auntie, I'm glad you're feeling better." I kissed her cheek. "Ronny... welcome back." I kissed hers, too.

Ronny stood and gave me a big hug. "Jacky... I can't thank you enough." There were tears on her cheeks. "I'll be in touch, ok?"

"Ok," I said and I left them alone to find some healing.

The girls were waiting for me.

"How are they doing?" Julia asked.

"Pretty good," I smiled. "Lots of misunderstandings getting straightened out."

"There's a lot of that that needs doing," Chelsea said with a smirk.

"Yeah," Avery agreed. "We've been talking about this whole 'divorce' thing and how we should approach that."

I sighed. "I don't know about you guys, but I don't think I have the wherewithal to deal with any of that tonight. As a matter of fact, I don't think I have the wherewithal to go home."

"So...?" Julia let that hang.

"I think I might stay at that Red Roof Inn down on Rt 9 for the night. I don't think I can deal with mom and I hear that's pretty cheap."

There was shocked silence for about ten seconds, then Julia said, "Ummm.... No," rather emphatically.

"What do you mean 'no?," I asked.

"Ok, I get it, you don't want to deal with mom, fine, but you've never slept away from home before and your first night away from home isn't going to be at the Red Roof Inn on Rt 9 where some guy cheated on his wife with a prostitute an hour earlier. And besides, I know you. You're going to call Ria, get all sad, she's going to come and comfort you and then you're going to get carried away and what should be the most beautiful night of your life is going to turn into a rushed, regret filled, sad night at the end of terrible day."

"Come on, Jules," I whined, "I just can't go home tonight."

"Fine, but I'm going to stay with you and we'll stay someplace nice. We'll stay at the Marriott and split the cost," my sister said with finality.

I shrugged. "Ok, but we'll need clothes and stuff."

"We can get some in the morning after mom goes to work," Julia suggested.

"No, I'll bring you some school clothes and PJ's and stuff," Avery said. "You guys check in and have some dinner. I'll be there in time for dessert, then go back home. We'll pick you up for school in the morning."

"You sure?" I asked.

"Sure." She smiled. "How are we dressing tomorrow, though? El guapo or la guapa?"

I laughed as I considered it. "I think I'd like to go slightly guapa to start. I mean, I have all lectures tomorrow, but I don't feel like I want to just go all the way on day one, you know?"

Avery smiled. "I get it. Poco a poco."

"Why are we suddenly bilingual?" Chelsea asked, a bit frustrated. "I think we're losing focus. So, I'm dropping you guys off at the Marriott, then we're going home to get some clothes and coming back, is that the plan?"

"I'll bring the clothes back if you don't want to," Avery said.

"Yeah," Chelsea said. "Like I'm going to stay home by myself with mom and Aunt Didi while you guys all hide. No way. Here's the deal - you guys check-in, we'll get you clothes and bring them back, BUT YOU have to tell your mother that you're not coming home. I'm dealing with my own crap, ok?"

"Ok. I'll text her," Julia said.
 
 
To Be Continued...