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A Transgender Romance
Copyright © 2024 Tara Nicole Miller
All Rights Reserved. Word Count 22,300 |
Image Credit: Adobe Stock Photos - File# 1080011320
Butterfly lyrics by Lenny Kravitz
Green Eyes lyrics by Chris Martin, et. al.
When I first met Thad Williams, I thought I would scream. Not only was he gorgeous, but he knew it, and was the biggest pain in the ass on the planet, I was sure of it. He has an ego as big as Hearst Castle, but somehow makes it cute. Dammit! We have been paired together for like a ‘Fixer Upper’ type show and I’m not sure it’s gonna be worth it. I’ve always idolized Joanna Gaines (I wanna be her when I grow up!) and I think Chip is cuter than a basketful of kittens. I mean, Joanna can decorate unholy heck itself and make it so beautiful it can make you cry. Of course, it had to have a lot of shiplap and gun metal gray paint!
I originally hoped this show would star me and my brother, as we had dreamed of it since we were young. Josh had gone into carpentry and construction while I went into all kinds of art design and decorating courses - even some basic architecture. He’s two years older than me and twice my size. Did I say? I’m 5’6” and 120 pounds, while he’s like six-two, 220! My mom would say we were like Mutt and Jeff, whoever they were. So, anyways, we always thought we were the perfect team, our interests being so complementary and all.
Yes, I suppose I’m a walking cliché, being as gay as Christmas on 5th Avenue and becoming an interior designer. I’ve never actually had sex, but I do get all squidgy when I see a cute guy. I’m also pretty femme, so, yeah, that’s me - the sissy who endured incessant bullying from a very young age. My whole life is a cliché. All I need to do is ice dance in a tutu and the image would be complete. Actually, that sounds kinda fun!
I remember making my parents crazy when they bought me black hockey skates for Christmas one year and I insisted (read: threw a major fit - the kind with cows and kittens). Anyway, I fervently insisted they exchange them for a pair of white figure skates. Jeez, you’d think I asked for neon pink ones or I’d fire-bombed an orphanage or something. You know, I think they’d actually prefer me being a terrorist to being gay. Sigh. Needless to say, I don’t have much to do with them anymore. I got the white skates though. Yay me! Sometimes hissy fits actually work!
So, anyway, Josh and I recorded ourselves, pretending to be like Chip and Joanna, or those property brothers or whatever. We used my fancy new iPhone, and did several takes of each scene to get different angles and stuff and it turned out pretty good. Woulda been better to have a whole film crew, but I’m not exactly Stephanie Spielberg, dontcha know? We had so much fun! After I edited the video, Josh and I posted it to all of our social media accounts. That was as far as it was expected to go. Just entertain our friends and family. That sort of thing.
Turns out I had to consider wearing a Covid mask thingy cause it went totally viral in about a week! I had to giggle because there were like thousands of guys asking who the cute girl was and if they could get a date and such like that. I wasn’t wearing makeup or a dress or anything; I just had on jeggings with a pretty blouse and my long blonde hair up in a bouncy ponytail. I didn’t have stilettos on either, just a pair of cute hiking boots with slouch socks. I thought I looked cute, but I didn’t expect a bunch of straight guys to fall in love with me. Okay, I have to admit I found it very flattering. Don’t tell Josh, but I even friended a few.
Yes, I actually do have some dresses and stilettos. I like dressing up, so sue me! I don’t recall the last time I was pegged as a boy. It just doesn’t happen; everyone understandably assumes I’m a girl regardless of what I’m wearing, what with being small with delicate features and a mezzo soprano voice, and, truthfully, I don’t mind it one bit. Except it’s hard to get a date that way. I mean, if a guy thinks I’m a girl, he’s gonna actually expect me to be a girl, right? He would be mighty surprised to find out otherwise, wouldn’t he? Unless he was bi- and what are the chances of that? Ooh, yes, that’s what I need, a bi-guy!
So here’s what happened. A woman, named Denise, from HGTV, called one day out of the blue. How she got my phone number I don’t know, but call she did. Apparently it’s her job to monitor home and garden social media postings for ideas and stuff. Kinda wish I had that job now I think about it! Anyway, she said she loved me, but Josh was a bit, well, less than they were looking for. I thought Josh was cute and funny and talented, but maybe I’m just biased. So we discussed it over dinner one night.
“Stevie, you need to take this!” Josh told me with some vehemence. I was born Steven Darling, but I’ve been called Stevie forever. I actually had my name legally changed last year; just made everything easier that way. Josh continued before I could object. “This is your dream. You’ve always been the one hamming it up, digging the spotlight. I would love doing this with you, but I’m not what they want apparently.”
I frowned at my enchilada, “Maybe if we practice more?”
“Practice won’t make me better looking. You’re the pretty one with the effervescent personality.” He said, looking me in the eye.
I blushed. “You really think I’m pretty?” I said before I remembered that guys aren’t supposed to be pretty. Although, I was called ‘pretty boy’ in school quite a bit (not pretty boy like Brad Pitt, but pretty boy like Angelina Jolie! Hey, I’m not complaining); along with girly-boy and a dozen other less than flattering epithets. After a while I decided to accept them as badges of honor. Don’t let the bastards get you down and all that.
“You know you’re pretty and you love being pretty. I know my little brother, and you were made for being in front of the camera, whether it’s being an actress or a reality TV star, whatever.”
I giggled. “You just said ‘actress.’”
He just smiled. “So I did. Anyway, you could use the money. I have regular work while you just get the occasional decorating job. You could be so much more and this is your chance.”
“Well, I could finally pay you more for rent and utilities and stuff. God, adulting is so hard!” I whined.
Josh laughed, “Don’t you worry about that, we’re doing fine. Besides you’re the chief cook and bottle washer and make the house so pretty and homey and clean up my messes. But, I suppose, if you hit it big you can buy me a ‘Vette or something.”
“Ooh, and I could finally get that pony I always wanted!” I giggled.
I really had always wanted a Shetland pony when I was a little girl, er boy. I also wanted Barbies and never got those either. I got a GI Joe once and ended up decapitating him in a Christmas morning hissy fit. That was followed by a defenestration of the naked and disappointingly anatomically incorrect body parts. The drop from my second-storey bedroom window was a bloody prospect with pyracanthus bushes lying in wait! Poor Joe.
I don’t know why I still love Christmas so much, considering how depressing they always were. My list always had dozens of girly things on it and I never got a single one; I just got stupid boy stuff. I don’t know who’s more stubborn, my parents or me. ‘Course, I thought it was Santa who was being mean to me until I learned the awful truth about him. Have you ever noticed how Santa and Satan are like nearly the same name? I know, right?
But that was nothing compared to the awful truth I learned about myself about that same time. I thought I was a girl for the longest time, exasperating my parents for some reason or another, until they made Josh and me strip right in front of them. I knew Josh was a boy, so when I saw I had the same parts down below, I couldn’t very well deny the facts as much as I wanted to. I cried for hours. That was when I started praying for God to turn me into a girl. Every night it was the same prayer and every birthday and shooting star I had the same wish, but it never happened. So, God went the same way as Santa Claus - and the G.I. Joe.
Then, in junior high, I was called a fag and other similar nasty things, so I set myself the task of learning more about the concept. I guess I kinda fit the effeminate gay type deal, but I wasn’t the type to be over the top about it. I was just girly - feminine, I guess you’d say. I was still totally jealous of girls and then I started becoming attracted to boys on top of it all. I still felt like they were another species, definitely the opposite sex, but I was the same sex! Supposedly. So confusing, I gotta say.
#
So, here I am about to meet Mr. Thaddeus T. Williams. Seriously, who’s named Thaddeus? I couldn’t exactly be snarky about it; lord knows I was teased enough having the last name Darling. As if gym class wasn’t bad enough as it was, the teacher developed the annoying habit of calling me darling. ‘C’mon darling, you throw like a girl.’ Gee, I wonder why that is, Mr. Doofus. I was never very good at giving people snide nicknames. Or throwing a ball.
I sighed. Why am I the one who had to drive across town? Anyway, I got to ogle Thad’s fancy Beemer as I sidled my way up his snow-laden driveway. Well, the driveway of the house he was flipping. That’s how we were put together. Apparently, he does videos too. Everybody wants to be the next flipping star I guess. So, I tentatively knocked on the front door that was sadly in need of renovation. A nerdy looking guy about my age with a camera on his shoulder answered the door. “Hey! What can I do ya for?” He practically leered at me. Creepy.
“Yeah, um, Thaddeus?” I asked meekly.
He chuckle-snorted, “God no! Thad’s in the back doing demo. His favorite part of the project. I call him the ‘Demolition Man.’ Funny right? No? Anyway, I’m just one of the cameramen.”
One of the cameramen? Yikes. What, does he have a whole crew working with him? It turns out that, yes, he has a whole crew of college kids working with him for school credit. Some audio/visual type training I guess. Way to get free labor. Why hadn’t I thought of that? He even has an IT kid doing his editing and social media stuff. God, I hate this guy already!
Stewart, that’s the name of the welcome wagon camera geek, led me to the kitchen area. He shouted, ‘Thad! Bro, some chick to see you!” Chick? That’s a new one.
He turned from tearing apart a cabinet with a scowl, then he brightened up when he saw me. “Wow, lovely to meet you. Denise’s description didn’t do you justice.” He smiled, revealing perfect pearly whites. Omigod he’s gorgeous! Denise omitted that fact as well. Geez, he’s like if George Clooney and Tom Selleck had a love child. Or grandchild - they’re like way old now. I’m gonna have to watch Thad’s videos, if I can keep from passing out that is.
So, I stood there speechless, like a big dodo. He had to jolt me from my hunk-induced stupor. I get those on occasion. “I’m Thaddeus Williams,” he crooned, “but please, call me Thad.” How can I call him Thad? It makes me feel like I’m lithping or thomething. I giggled like a silly schoolgirl and he gave me a quizzical look.
“S-sorry,” I finally said, reaching out my hand. “Stevie. Stevie Darling. Denise sent me.”
“Well, darling; can I call you darling?” He tried with a smile.
“Well, we’ve only just met, sweetie.” I giggled and gave him a shy smile. Lord, I’m turning into a puddle of goo. “Please, call me Stevie.”
“Sure thing, Stevie. Now, I’m a good judge of character and I already have a good feeling about you.” He said, while I thought about the good feelings I was already having about him. “Why don’t we have lunch and get to know each other? Put my intuition to the test.”
“Sure, Thad. That’d be fine.”
He unclipped his work belt and tossed it onto the counter. “Take a break guys. Lunch. Two hours!” He commanded.
He took me to Steuben’s a couple miles away near Capitol Hill. It looked like an upscale cafe, if there is such a thing. The prices were upscale, that’s for sure. I’m more of a Taco Bell/McDonald’s type of girl. Omigod, he’s got me saying it now! I’m supposed to be a boy, why can’t I get that through my thick skull? Anyway, we got a booth and before my butt hit the cushion, he says, “Order whatever you want, it’s on me.”
I was sorta taken aback but pretty thankful to be honest. I replied with a smile, “Wow, thanks Teddy, that’s awfully nice of you. But, you don’t have to.”
He looked at me nonplussed. “Nobody’s ever called me Teddy before.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m afraid I didn’t even realize.” I sputtered. Well, I’m off to a good start, aren’t I?
“It’s cool. I actually like it, at least from you. That can be our thing. If we end up working together, that is.” He gave me his charming smile.
I smiled back at him. “Of course.” My luck he’s probably straight, I mused. So, naturally, I had to risk it. “So, Teddy, um, you wouldn’t happen to be gay, would you? Or, maybe bi-?” Please, please, please.
He flushed, “No! Of course not. Wha-why would you ask me that? I mean, not that I have anything against gays, but…” He’s so cute when he’s embarrassed. Well, shit.
“Well, I admit that I find you very attractive and charming, and…” I didn’t know where to go with this one. I was certainly being forward.
“And…?” He smiled. Just stop it!
Completely flustered, I had to get it out in the open if this, erm, relationship is going to work. “You know I’m a boy, right?”
He looked stunned for a moment, then he laughed, a deep baritone guffaw. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard! Talk about an off-the-wall joke.”
“It’s true, I’m afraid. Do you hate me?” I pleaded.
“Girl, I know women, believe me, and you are absolutely a woman - I mean, you totally vibe girl. A beautiful girl at that. I don’t know what your deal is with this stupid joke, but… shit!” He ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s just eat. You’ve wound me up good!”
I just shook my head and told him my meal choice. I ordered a bowl of spicy pork green chili off the appetizers menu. I loves me some green chili! He got something like a Philly cheesesteak or something. God, I really made him mad, or at least really confused, which can be just as dangerous with guys. And he’s so big, he could just snap me like a little twiglet if he got mad enough.
When we got back to the house, I got out my driver’s license. “Look, Teddy, here’s my ID. See? There’s an ‘M’ there, under sex. If we’re going to collaborate, you need to know the truth, don’t you think? Just think of me as another guy.”
“This is crazy. No. I don’t think it’s possible.” He shook his head. “I mean, you’re just so beautiful and sweet, I honestly don’t understand. No. Even if this is some elaborate joke I don’t think this is going to work Stevie. It’s just too confusing for me.”
“I totally get it, but I am who I am. This isn’t the first time I’ve missed out on an opportunity for just being me. Course, I did get to play Belle in ‘Beauty and the Beast’ in high school. The other girls were sure pissed.” I giggled.
He said, “See? You lumped yourself in with the other girls. Even you’re confused. How do you expect me to deal with this?”
“I don’t. I honestly don’t. Um, I’m just gonna go, ‘kay? It was really nice meeting you. Teddy.” I winked at him.
He ran his hands through his hair and growled. He turned away, so I took that as my cue to leave.
At home, I gave Denise a call. “You didn’t warn him Denise. He totally thought I was a girl!”
She laughed. “Hey, don’t put it all on me, girl; you need to stop being so beautiful and sweet. It took a while for me to believe it, too. Even with a full background check I almost didn’t believe it! Maybe you were misdiagnosed at birth?”
“Nope, I checked my panties just this morning.” I giggled.
“Well, Stevie, maybe next time you don’t tell the guy you’re a boy, huh? I’d tell you to butch it up and pretend to be a boy, but I just don’t see that as a real possibility. The producers think you’re better and prettier than any one else on their roster. Or in their stable, whatever. Your look and personality are what set you apart. So…” She left it hanging.
“I dunno Denise.” I started.
“Oh my god, I’m so brilliant! Stevie! Just say you’re trans! Yeah, yeah, me and my fellow bumpkins are in Tennessee and all, but they can’t really discriminate against trans people, I don’t think. I guess they might try, but please, tell me you’re trans.” She begged.
“Well, I used to think I was a girl, but my parents beat that out of me at an early age. I dunno, Denise. Being gay was a big enough blow for my parents, how can I even entertain being trans? Denver’s pretty liberal, but my parents? Not so much. I mean, I’d love to be a girl, to be totally me, but…” It was my turn to leave the sentence hanging.
“Honey, you are a girl. Trust me on this. I talk to a lot of people in my job and I’ve noticed a major difference between males and females in communication. You’re a girl. Just own it. So, tell me, who’s running your life? You or your parents? You’re what, 22?” She asked.
I nodded into the phone, uselessly. “Yeah. I know you have a point, and I don’t even really see my parents any more. I’ll have to give it some thought, I guess. Thanks Denise.” Yeah, thanks for throwing my life up in the air again. It took me years to get used to the idea of being gay. Now trans? Everybody hates trans people these days. The thought is kinda scary.
So, what do I do when I’m in a quandary? I call my BFF, Janet. We’ve been friends since middle school, when I first bought into the whole gay thing. She was there with me, even enduring the inevitable spewing of ‘fag hag’ at her. All my friends were girls. It’s weird, because girls usually separate from boys at that age, but I guess I was safe or something. I wasn’t a threat and I understood the female mind, mainly because I kinda had one. Sigh.
“Hey Janet! It’s been a minute.” I said.
“Hey girl!” She’s always said that and it always makes me smile. She knows I like it. Then she began the inquest, “So, why have you been avoiding me? New boyfriend?” I rolled my eyes, because she also knows I’ve never really had a boyfriend. I live in the marches between boy world and girl world; not many takers there.
“Nope; still no takers.” I admitted.
“Well, their loss is my gain. What’s going on?” She asked.
“Well, you know how you always call me ‘girl?’ Do you think I may really be a girl?” I thought I’d just throw it out there.
“Yes.” She said simply. “I think I told you that like ten years ago. So, why are you asking now?”
“Janet? Can I come over?” I practically whined into the phone. I prefer going to her place, because it’s really super nice. It’s a huge condo her father bought for her (brat) and it’s really pretty and has all the coolest new gizmos. She had me help her decorate it last year when she moved in. Also, I sometimes need a little girl talk without Josh around, much as I love him.
“Course you can sweetie. I’m just here all by my lonesome. You’d be more than welcome.” She said. Did I say? She’s the best.
“Janet, you’re the best. I’ll see you in fifteen minutes.”
She said, “I’ll be here with bells on and a bottle of wine. Hurry your pretty little butt over here. Byeee.”
She’s one of the few people I feel comfortable dressing extra girly around, so I threw on a denim skirt and a pretty blouse over a padded bra. I’m kinda flat chested, after all. A pair of strappy heels and a touch-up of my makeup and I was ready to go. As I got to the door, Josh was just coming in.
“Whoa. Where are you going all prettied up?” He smiled.
“Just over to Janet’s. You know, girl talk. Gotta run; bye Joshie!” I said breathlessly and gave him a peck on the cheek.
“You be careful, sis!” He said as I rushed out the door. God, I love when he calls me that!
#
I knocked on Janet’s door and she flung it open. “Stevie! Oh my god, you look so cute!” she gushed. “Get in here, girl.”
So, we got our glasses of wine and settled in on the couch. The nail polish and crystal nail file were sitting there on the coffee table, ready and waiting. It’s kinda our thing, doing each other’s nails while we talk. I shook the bottle and set it down, taking up the file. “I just had a quick thought,” I began. “Well, thoughts are always quick, aren’t they? It’s not like they’re sitting in the back of your mind, biding their time…or are they?” I rolled my eyes at myself. I was doing it again. I always rattle when I’m nervous. “Um, before we start, I think I need a little Taylor, so, if you don’t mind.” She just motioned like ‘be my guest’ to the Echo sitting there. “Alexa, play You Need to Calm Down.” Alexa annoyingly repeated what I said, and then some, and began thumping. God, Janet’s sound system is sooo awesome.
“Oh boy,” Janet said. “You’re in one of you’re moods again, aren’t you?”
I just smiled, got up, and started dancing, throwing my hair around and gyrating my hips. I love dancing in heels! Janet quickly joined me and we were giggling and singing like school girls. It was like junior high all over again, except back then we were dancing to Shake it Off and we were drinking out of juice boxes, not cut crystal wine glasses.
After the song I collapsed back onto the sofa. “Phew! I needed that!”
“So I gathered. Okay, what’s wrong in Barbie’s dreamworld today?” She teased.
“Oh god, Janet,” I began. I told her all about the HGTV deal and meeting Thad/Teddy, finishing off with Thad scuttling the show. Well, cutting me out of it anyway. Then I told her about my conversation with Denise. “That’s why I asked if you thought I was a girl. She thinks I might have an easier time if I just admitted I was a trans girl. Is it time? Should I just forget my parents and finally be a girl?”
“Stevie, you already are a girl. You always were and you’ve never really hidden it. I mean, you wore more makeup than me back in school.” She said.
“I did not!” I whined and smacked her arm. “Well, maybe in eighth grade I did.” I giggled.
“And you got your ears pierced even though your parents would like to kill you over it. Two in each lobe! Look, you didn’t hang out with the girls because you were gay. We accepted you because you are a girl. Everybody caught your vibe, even Stacy Allred.” Stacy was a cheerleader and too cool for school. This was news to me.
I had to giggle. “Remember how the boys always sang ‘Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on’ when she walked by? God, she hated that!”
Janet giggled. “Oh my god, I so remember that! I also remember how I was so jealous of you in choir. You had the most beautiful soprano…”
“Mezzo soprano,” I corrected and Janet rolled her eyes.
“You are such a diva.” She teased me.
So, that’s the verdict. I’m a girl and I should embrace it. But it’s sooo scary. I went home, cleaned off my makeup, put on a nightie, and collapsed into bed.
I didn’t have any jobs lined up, so I was home just puttering around a couple days later when my phone rang. Well, it played Vivaldi’s Spring, indicating an incoming call. It’s Thad; what in the world could he want? I decided to answer it. “Hi Thad. What’s up?”
He replied, “Well damn, what happened to Teddy? I thought we were friends.” What? When did that happen?
So I said just that. “What?” Terse, but effective.
“I had an interesting talk with Denise. Why didn’t you tell me you were trans?” He asked.
“Would it have made any difference?” I asked, a little perturbed.
“Well, yes. It clears up any confusion I had. You’re not a guy in makeup looking all hot. You’re a girl, and that I can understand.” He tried.
“So, you’re a homophobe?” I pressed.
“No. I told you I’m not. But when I’m told the sweetest, prettiest girl I’ve ever met is really a guy, I kinda can’t process it. Can’t you understand that? I’m just a regular guy after all. I mean, I’m pretty woke, but I haven’t had my coffee yet.” He quipped and I couldn’t help but giggle.
“You think I’m pretty?” Why am I always fishing for compliments?
“You’re gorgeous, and you were just wearing work clothes when I met you. I bet you clean up real nice.” He said.
“You’re a real charmer, you know that?” I volleyed.
“Touché. So, now that that’s all cleared up. I mean, it is cleared up, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, pretty clear.” I verified.
“Okay, good. So, I’d like to give us a go. As a team I mean, for the show. I watched your video and it’s really very very good. You’re a natural and I think this could work.” He was laying it on thick, but I didn’t mind.
“Okay. Yes. Let’s do it.” I said.
He continued as if he hadn’t heard me, “I mean, I understand if you don’t want to. I was kind of a jerk…”
“Teddy? I said yes.” I interrupted his self-flagellation.
“Oh, right. Cool. So, can you come tomorrow?” He asked.
“I’d love to.”
#
I still had half a day with nothing much to do, but I was really excited to start on a new project. Not only that, but it’s shooting a demo, a concept video for Denise to show to her producers. Omigod, I’m gonna be a star! I giggled. Calm down girl, we’re a long way from that. Who knows? Maybe Thad sucks, although, Denise thought he was better than Josh, so I guess that’s something.
I had Thad email me the blueprints and whatever video and stills he had of the project so I could get started envisioning the space and developing thematic ideas. I input all the dimensions into my cool 3-D design program - I got a huge student discount on that last year - it is soooo much fun! I also got a powerful laptop through school. Anyway, that took me most of the day, so to chill out I poured a glass of Pinot and placed a stack of home and garden mags on the coffee table. I also have a few I get through Kindle Unlimited, so that’s a bonus! I decided to do the total bliss-out experience, so I asked, “Alexa, play my playlist ‘Reading Music.’ Thanks sweetie.” I like to be polite to her for some reason. Then I put on the fireplace video on my TV and started to wonder when I lost touch with reality? Everything is virtual now - hmmm. I once read that the mind can’t differentiate between reality and something vividly imagined. Sounds true, but I think there is a deeper emotional component when interacting with the real deal. That’s why I like to engage in reality when I can afford it, which is none too often, sadly!
I had images and ideas for the project flooding through my mind as I readied myself in the morning. I decided that I’d give Teddy a taste of the real me - the whole girl. Being December, I chose a beautiful cranberry red sweater dress that I would pair with my black knee-high kitten heel boots. I wanted to wear my white ones, but then remembered I would be at a construction site!
So, I put on all my shapewear so I could have a nice hourglass figure. It’s time I really got serious and started looking into finally getting hormones. I want my very own breasts and hips, dontcha know? I’ve dreamed of that my whole life, but have been denying my true nature every step of the way. Thanks mom and dad! I may be stubborn, but I’m also a scaredy cat, a combination that has led to a lot of turmoil over the years. Sigh.
I did full daytime makeup and put in a pair of sparkly hoop earrings. I looked into the mirror and gave a sexy little pout. I love being pretty! A little of my thigh will show between my dress and boots, so I decided to wear nude pantyhose, too. Oh, who am I kidding, I would wear panty hose anyway! They feel so amazing, I’ll never get used to that luscious feeling. So smooth and silky. Mmmm. I threw a few odds and ends into my black purse and I was ready to go.
I glanced at my pretty nails as I caressed the steering wheel of my trusty, very cute VW Cabriolet. Janet did a good job, and they match my dress! How lucky is that?
Thad left me some room in the driveway to park close to the house. How thoughtful! He even had the drive and walkway shoveled. Maybe he isn’t the self-centered jerk I imagined him to be. I guess I’ve developed a negative attitude toward guys cos of all the bullying and harassment I’ve endured over the years. I’ve got to be mindful of that.
I opened the front door and waltzed into the house. There were a few guys milling about the living room so I gave them a “Merry Christmas boys!” and did a little twirl, a kick of the hip and a flip of the hair. I guess Josh was right when he called me a ham!
“Oh wow, oh wow, Stevie, could you do that again? That was awesome, but I wasn’t ready for it,” Stewart said excitedly, lifting his camera to his shoulder. All the other guys were just slack-jawed. I couldn’t help but giggle.
“‘Course, Stewie! Anything for you!” I cooed, making him blush. “Ready?” He nodded and I reprised my role as Christmas Vixen. Isn’t that one of Santa’s reindeer? I believe it is. I then strutted into the kitchen, where I heard the demolition man at work, while Stewart filmed me. “Hey Teddy!” I gave Thad my best Marilyn Monroe. The look on his face was priceless, just ask Stewart.
“Oh my god that was priceless!” Stewart blurted excitedly.
Thad gave Stewart a scowl, then he turned to me with a bemused expression. “Um, yeah, so why are you dressed like that?”
“What do you mean? Don’t you like it?” I pouted.
“Well, sure, you look beautiful, but…is this how you’re gonna dress for the demo? The, uh, video demo, I mean. It’s a bit…”
“Too much?” I offered.
“I dunno. I mean, this is a construction site, not a fashion shoot. I don’t want you to get dirty, or injured. I mean, high heels?” He said. He really did seem concerned.
I said, “You’re right, of course. I just thought I’d give you a taste of the real me. I’ll tone it down during construction, then maybe I can vamp it up for my decorating segment? Speaking of which, how much do I have to spend on furniture and decor? Oh, and I have lots of ideas for design; I was thinking modern Tuscany. This is an older neighborhood of big, gorgeous Victorian and Georgian houses; lots of wood and stone. We don’t want to do this on the cheap, do we?”
“Well, no,” he began. “If we get the gig with HGTV we’ll have a bit more money, at least later on, so let’s make sure we nail this. Then you can have double the hundred thousand I was planning on. I want to make half a mil on this one. This is my biggest one yet. I trust you. I’ve gone over your portfolio and your work is impressive. Let’s just, I don’t know, make it look good without getting crazy? You know what I mean?”
“Well, Teddy, that’s my superpower - gorgeous on a budget. So, Tuscany, yea or nay?”
“I think that would be perfect, actually.” He conceded.
“And Christmas, yea or nay?” I asked.
“Whaddya mean? Yeah, I like Christmas.” He answered.
I giggled. “I mean, can I do a bit of decorating for Christmas? I think buyers would eat it up. You’re aiming for a pre-Christmas open house, right?”
“Oh, right,” He frowned. Then he smiled. “Stevie, you’re genius!”
“Please, you’ll give me a big head!” I grinned and giggled. “So, I was thinking Victorian Christmas.”
“Nice. Okay. First, you nail down what you want for cabinets and appliances and fixtures. Can you let me know by like Monday?”
“Three days? Wow, um, I guess so. Let’s hope my superpowers hold up. Okay. So, where can I set up with my laptop?”
“You’re not gonna change first?” He enquired. “Not that you don’t look sensational and all, but…” He blushed.
“Well, I didn’t bring a change of clothes, so I guess I just have to chance it. Got a clean tarp or piece of plastic or something?”
He gave a melodramatic sigh, “Women!” He exclaimed, causing my heart to leap happily.
One of the boys, Rick, I think, set me up in a corner of the kitchen with a piece of wood on two sawhorses for a desk and an old lawn chair covered in a bath towel for a seat. Ah, the glamorous life of a home design maven. I set up my laptop and brought up my schematics.
“Teddy? Can I show you something?” I asked, interrupting his total destruction of a cabinet. “Um, first, do you have to totally destroy the cabinetry? It would be awesome to donate it to Habitat for Humanity or something. You could get a tax credit you know?”
“Oh shit!” He blurted. “I never thought of that. That would be cool, wouldn’t it? Okay, I’ll be more careful. Good catch.”
“Great. Okay. So this is the kitchen.” I said, showing him my 3-D mockup while tucking my hair behind my ear. “I think buyers today are going to want a more modern flow. A more open feel. Do you think we could take out that wall?” I pointed to the wall in question. “That would open it up into the living room. We could put in a breakfast counter or a large island. Whaddya think?”
“Well, that’s a great thought, but I’ll have to see if the wall is load bearing. If it is, I’ll need another man to help me shore it up, so…” He left it hanging.
“Lemme call my brother. He’s in construction. I bet he would help out for a pizza and a six pack. Okay?” I offered.
Thad smiled. God, I love it when he smiles. Pearly whites and dimples in a sea of fabulous stubble. I gotta make him do more of that! He replied, “Yeah! Do it! I think I can swing a pizza and some beer.”
“We can have a whole pizza party thing with your undergrad minions, too. When should we do it?” I asked.
“Well, let me check the joists real quick.” He said and began his way down the basement stairs. When he returned, he seemed happy. “It’s most likely load bearing; it’s perpendicular to the joists.”
“So, why are you so happy?” I queried.
“We getta have a pizza party!” He blurted, raising his arms, causing me to giggle.
“Kegger!” I heard from the peanut gallery in the living room.
“Hey, that’s an idea. I can buy a keg! See if your brother can come tomorrow. I’ll check with the guys; see if they wanna work on a Saturday.”
“I’ll be here with my toga on!” Stewart quipped from the doorway.
“Oooh, I’d love to see that, Stewie,” I cooed.
#
So, Saturday I decided to dress down a bit. I was going to the house again. I like the ambience of a renovation to get my juices flowing. Plus, I wanted to be there for Josh and pizza! My brother agreed to help out ‘whenever you need a hand.’ I love my brother.
My house party outfit was black leggings with a cute black and white buffalo checked long-sleeved blouse, tied with a belt. I would just wear my cute hiking boots - don’t wanna get impaled by a nail, or break a nail for that matter. I put my hair up in a kicky ponytail and made my way to the kitchen. Josh was there with coffee and a newspaper.
“I can’t believe they still make those old-school papers. Aren’t you afraid of a paper cut?” I quipped.
“Morning.” He grumped. He’s not a morning person. “Dang, we don’t leave until ten, why’re you all prettied up already?”
“Just in a good mood. I love having a project to sink my teeth into. It’s just so much fun!” I exuded.
Then my countenance fell. “You know, I kinda miss Christmas time at home. Even with getting all the wrong presents every year, I still liked everything else. The tree and decorations and Christmas music playing. Mom letting me bake cookies with her and all the good food; having company. I really miss it. I kinda miss mom and dad, too. Please, don’t ask me why.”
“Yeah,” Josh began, “it hasn’t been the same, though, with you not being there the last couple years.”
“I couldn’t take them being on me for being too ‘fruity’ all the time. I think dad got out his thesaurus so he could berate me on multiple levels, you know? I thought being gay would be something they could come to deal with. I mean, it’s not a big deal any more.” I mused, sadly.
“I think if you weren’t so girly, they could probably deal with it. You know, don’t ask, don’t tell? If you looked and acted like a guy?” He said.
“I suppose you’re right, but there was only so far I was willing to go. I can be as stubborn as they are, I guess. It was just way too hard, trying to be masculine. It’s just not me.” I lamented.
“I know that, and I’m glad you’re finally being your true self. I think we should try to think of a way to get through to them. I’d love to have you come to Christmas with me. I’ve told them off and threatened to boycott them, but they’re just so bull-headed.” He stated with a growl.
I blurted, “You didn’t! I told you not to do that, Josh. You don’t have to suffer because of me. I mean, I appreciate it and all, but I don’t want you to ruin your relationship over me. I’m not worth it.”
“Girl - and trust me on this - you are absolutely and entirely worth it. You’re a better and cooler person than both of them put together.” He declared.
A tear rolled down my cheek as I hugged him. “Thanks Joshie.” I whispered. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, sis. Let’s put our heads together. I mean, they are our parents, so I’d really like to figure this out. You, of all people, shouldn’t be an outcast.” He assured me with a squeeze. “I’m lucky I get to have you all the time. Living with you has been so wonderful; incredible.” He gave me a wistful smile.
“Ditto,” I said with a grin; then I got on my tiptoes and gave him a peck on the cheek.
I plopped my laptop down on our kitchen table and got to work. Josh helped me figure out the top three cabinet makers in the area, then I moved onto appliances. Lowe’s had good Christmastime deals going on so I had that going for me. I was going back and forth with the idea of having custom paneled doors on the appliances, or letting the sleek and modern stainless steel look rule. I’d have to ask Thad on that one. I did decide on Bosch appliances, though, and two ovens and two microwaves. That was non-negotiable. I think. I giggled. Everything in this life is negotiable, I’ve learned. Ah, except expressing your gender identity. You either do it or you go nuts. Add that to the list of sure things - death, taxes, gender identity. So there!
Anyways, whoever buys this house is going to be a wealthy professional, so we need to appoint the house accordingly. Though, I guess we could rent appliances as part of the staging of the house and let the buyers choose and supply their own. But I want to choose everything! Gosh, so much to consider. Gaah! I really need to have a business lunch with Thad and I’m not sure that today’s kegger is going to be the right environment. Or maybe it’s the perfect environment. Get him a little tipsy and have my way with him. I’m talking business - get your mind out of the gutter! Giggle.
“Earth to Stevie!” I heard, somewhere out in the ether.
I looked up and Josh was smiling and shaking his head. “Boy, you sure know how to focus. Whatcha thinking so hard about?”
“Oh, I’ve got myself going over appliances and decor and I haven’t even touched the stuff Thad needs right away. You know, the built-in thingies.” I moped.
“Is that a technical term, maybe from the course on doohickies and doodads?” He snorted.
“I’ll have you know that Academy of Art is a well-respected university.” I said, snootily. “And the thingamajig course taught me the difference between doodads and doohickies, so money well spent. Seriously, being in San Francisco was a major bonus. Ooh, we should go sometime. I can show you all the cool places.” I was on a good ramble now. “You know, when I was pretending to be gay, I tried all these gay bars. Utter disaster by the way. I only got hit on by the girls, the lesbians. Not a single guy, ever!” I pouted. “I guess that was a good clue, huh?”
Josh laughed. “I’ll say! Though it makes me wonder why you never went through puberty. Not a guy one anyway. I guess that’s lucky for you, huh?”
“Yeah. Never went through a girl puberty either - no boobs.” I gestured to my embarrassingly flat chest. “When I was thirteen I thought I was getting ‘em, but then the growth went away.” I said softly as my mind drifted and went into muse mode. “Reminds me, I’ve gotta go see an endocrinologist. I think it’s time. Well, past time, really.”
“An endo…” Josh struggled.
“...crinologist. For like hormones; you know, girl juice? I guess going to those gay bars wasn’t a total waste of time. Some of the female impersonators were actually trans. The only job they could get, I guess. I learned a lot from those girls. It totally miffed them - offended their conscience - to be thought of as impersonators when they saw themselves as real girls; flawed, but real.”
“Everyone’s flawed to some degree. Even me!” He grinned, extending his arms, one of which I gave a girly swat. “Show me a person without a flaw and I’ll show you a person that hasn’t lived; never loved, never been burned - their lack of a flaw is the biggest flaw of all. It’s the imperfections that make a person interesting.”
“You have hidden depths, my lovely brother. So, do you find me interesting?” I prodded with a wry smile.
“Girl, I find you utterly fascinating.” Was that a diss? “I hope Mr. Thaddeus T. Williams appreciates what he’s got. You know, if he hurts you, I’ll kill him.”
“Oh Josh, I hope you’ll be nice to him; I really need this job.” I implored.
“I wasn’t talking about the job.” Huh?
#
Josh and I got to the house spot on ten o’clock. Traffic’s not quite as bad on a Saturday. So I guess Stewart moonlights as the doorman to Chez Williams, because he was the one who greeted us. “Hey Stewie!” I enthused. “You ready for the big bash?”
He paused, then began laughing, “Oh, I get it, because we’re gonna take down a wall and then have a party. We’ll be like the Israelites at Jericho, eh?” I rolled my eyes, but I have to admit, that was pretty clever.
“Okay Mr. clever clogs, where’s the big bad boss?” I asked as I looked around the living room, or is it called a drawing room? Anyway, it was set up with mismatched lawnchairs and Home Depot buckets. My makeshift desk was being pressed into duty as a pizza buffet, only sporting dozens of red SoloTM cups and napkins at the moment. Thad’s a regular Martha Stewart. This must be how she decorated her jail cell, I mused cynically. Poor Martha. Remind me not to engage in insider trading. But, I digress.
“Did I hear my partner in crime come in?” Thad grinned as he came from around the corner, passing the fireplace, which had a roaring fire going. He gave me a once over. “Now that’s a more appropriate outfit! Still model gorgeous, but more like from a Des Moines runway rather than Paris.”
I giggled and gave him a hug. Oops! Why did I do that? So unprofessional. I pushed away. “Hi Teddy. How are things coming?” I looked up at him, then scanned the room. Stewart was recording everything, as were Rick and John, also known as Koko and Stalin - I’m guessing that John’s nickname was because of his giant bushy moustache. They were ever present, but I’ve learned to ignore the filming, mostly.
Thad answered, “Great! It’s all great. On schedule so far, and getting this wall taken care of is going to help a lot. Thanks for coming Josh.” He shook my brother’s hand, then turned back to me. “The massive rough-hewn beam you found was delivered last night, along with the smaller ones for the fireplace and door frames. It’s gonna look amazing.” He seemed really pleased. Gold star for me! He turned back to Josh. “Your sister is a miracle worker.”
Josh gave me a side hug. “She sure is, but can she make pizza?”
“I can order pizza!” I chimed. “In fact, I’m a professional. Speaking of which, you two boys go play ‘Bob the builder’ while I scare up some more miracles and light fixtures and stuff.” With that, I opened my laptop and got busy. Both Michael’s and Hobby Lobby had 50% sales going on, so I fired up Thad’s credit card and practically bought out both stores. I would go pick up the stuff Monday. But now it’s time to party!
The guys all had their girlfriends come over, even Stewie! Good for him. The girls didn’t seem overly impressed with the ambience, but they seemed nice enough. I thought it was a real swanky gala, but to each his own, I guess.
I chatted with the girls and crew, and Josh and Thad talked quite a bit over near the new beam they installed. I guess they were stuck with each other since neither of them had girlfriends apparently, at least not ones amenable to such swank. The Keg was getting a workout and the pizza was a hit. It was what Thad called ‘Chicago Style.’ It had a thin crust and it was actually super yummy.
Suddenly I felt a hand grab mine. I looked and it was Thad’s. My heart leapt. “Come with me,” he murmured and pulled me toward the fireplace. Gulp. In front of the well-stoked fire was one of my Tuscan beams trestled across two buckets. So romantic!
We sat, staring at the fire. “You’re doing a hell of a job Stevie,” He began. It’s probably not the best time, but I’d like to go over our game plan.” His eyes were only slightly beer-glazed, and they were still mesmerizing. Get a grip girl, he wants to talk about work.
“Game plan?” I asked obtusely. I told you, I’m not good at sports. Then I inferred his meaning via context. “Oh, right. I guess I need to ask you about existing fixtures, flooring and bathrooms. What all you want to update. Do we want to do just enough to entice, or do a full makeover to blow them away?”
“I didn’t mean the house, Stevie; I meant, will you give me a second chance? Let me take you to dinner? Maybe dancing?” He stared me right in the eyes. My heart raced.
“Teddy, just how much have you had to drink?” I asked, taken aback by this turn of events. Here I thought he was just tolerating me, now he wants to go on a date?
“Just two.” He stated. “Believe me, I am completely clear headed.”
I lowered my voice further, “You do remember who I am? I can’t have children, you know.”
He laughed. “Wow, that’s jumping ahead! I’ll admit, I hadn’t thought of that, but I mean it when I say it doesn’t matter. If we’re going that far into the future, I guess we could adopt. But, how ‘bout we start with a simple date first? If, if you want to, I mean…God, I suck at this.”
“What do you suck at?” I prodded.
“Talking to beautiful women.” He said, making my eyes go wide. I doubt I’ll ever believe that I’m a beautiful woman - too much scar tissue.
“Oh Teddy, you’re doing fine,” I assured him. Who would have thought it? The great Thaddeus T. Williams has a chink in his armor. He just got even cuter. “And, you also need glasses.”
“See, that’s just it. You don’t even know you’re beautiful and that makes you even more attractive.”
“Do you know you’re extremely handsome?” I tested.
He laughed again. “I have been told, mostly by my mother.” I had to smile at that. I gave him a little shoulder bump and he leaned into it. We were touching now and my body was buzzing. He looked into my eyes and leaned in further. I tilted my head up hopefully. That hope was soon requited with a soft kiss. I melted inside and closed my eyes, returning his kiss gently.
This was not the business meeting I was expecting. “Okay, back on topic.” He said, as if this were a board meeting. “You never answered my question. Dinner, yea or nay?”
I turned to him and raised my arms. “Yay!” I sang out in a little girl voice. That brought on the dimples as he smiled and shook his head.
#
Sunday morning, Josh and I were at the kitchen table again, indulging in our morning ritual. I get the New York Times online and I was doing the crossword puzzle, when Josh spoke up. “Since you missed Thanksgiving, I asked mom if you could come for Christmas.”
“You did what?” I wasn’t so much angry as flabbergasted. His eyebrow went up and I took a long sip of my coffee. “So, what did she say?”
“She said you could come if you behaved.”
“What? What the heck does that mean? I’m always well behaved, I mean, she’s even criticized me for being ‘too sweet and solicitous.’ Her words. I kid you not.” I was starting to get revved up. Mom has the habit of doing that.
“That’s not what she meant. I think you know what ‘behaving’ means to her.” Josh said.
I took another sip of my coffee, then nodded my head. “Yeah, she means I need to look and act like a man. Well, you know damned well that’s not going to happen.”
It was his turn to nod. “I know that. So, and don’t hate me for this, I emailed her all the research I’ve done on being transgender.”
My eyes widened. “You’ve done research?”
“Of course. I wanted to try to understand it. Mom knows damned well that you’re transgender, but she refuses to believe it’s a real thing. You know, she watches FOX Noise.”
“Don’t I know it. Her personality totally changed once she got hooked on their fear-and-hate-mongering nonsense. She’s been brainwashed. She became a total bitch, spewing their abhorrent talking points no matter what the conversation was. It makes me want to scream. I think she needs an intervention or deprogramming or something.”
He nodded. “I know what you mean. I agree, she’s gone to the dark side. Anyway, I edited all the research - all the evidence and proof - so that that her FOX-addled brain could understand it. I also reminded her of the scientific method, since she seems to have forgotten that science is a real thing, too. Another part of science is observation, so I also reminded her of all things Stevie, the girl. The oh so obvious girl.” He grinned, then took a sip of coffee.
“Wow. So, have you heard back from her?” I asked.
“I have.”
“And?” God, he could drag things out.
“She’s willing to give it a try.” He said.
“You’re kidding!” I almost snorted coffee out my nose.
“Nope. Scouts honor.” Josh held up two fingers. “And, I suggest you dress to the nines. Don’t soft-peddle it for them, hit them right between the eyes!”
I laughed. “Okay. Cool. So, um, Christmas Eve?”
“Yep. Don’t get mad, but she said she’s not inviting anyone else. Just us, you know, cos this is apparently so embarrassing and all.” He said, rolling his eyes. “At least she’s trying, right?”
“Oh yes, she’s very trying!”
#
Come Monday morning I had a lot on my mind. Mom and dad; work; endocrinologist; yada yada. It’s a good thing I’m a proficient multitasker. I ordered the most amazing red granite countertops for the kitchen, and antique bronze plumbing fixtures for throughout the house. Josh said I could replace all the dated lighting, too. He said this was our big shot and he was willing to take a hit on profit if it meant we could get the HGTV gig. I was so excited, I was vibrating in my cute ankle boots.
Josh had already gone off to work and I was waiting for my Christmas decor deliveries. So, I decided to take a few minutes and make an appointment with an endocrinologist. Better late than never, right? She had an opening for next week! I couldn’t believe I could get in so soon! I was so excited. Then I downloaded both the ‘DR 2083 Change of Sex Designation’ form from the DMV and the birth certificate correction form. The process is way easier than I was expecting. Colorado really is quite extraordinary. I could get a new drivers’ license right away, but the birth certificate takes more than a month, which is fine by me. I’ve already waited 22 years after all. One thing I wanted to ponder, though, is whether to change my name again. Stevie is kinda cute, but it’s not entirely a girl’s name. I could ask mom what she would have named me if I had been assigned female at birth, but I don’t think our current state of affairs is going to allow that. She’s probably gonna need a bit of time to adjust. Likely a decade or two, I’m guessing. But, Christmas is at least a step in the right direction. I hope.
I’ll need to buy two more presents now. Jeez, what to buy for a mom and dad who’ve been opposed to your very being for twenty years? Hmmm, let me think. Oooh, maybe a doll with a removable penis? I giggled. Like Teddy said, he may be woke, but he hasn’t had his coffee yet. That was so cute. Mom and dad are more like not woke and totally in the middle of REM sleep!
So, seriously, they are gonna be tricky to buy for. I guess I could get them gift cards, but that’s so impersonal… Actually, I think I’ll go with clothing and show off my feminine skills in couture. That’s the ticket! I’ll have to ask Josh if he knows their sizes. I knew them back in the day, but it’s been a few years. They may have grown, at least with regards to their physical bodies. I don’t hold out a lot of hope for spiritual or intellectual growth, but maybe I’m being too cynical. Time will tell.
Our doorbell camera thingy announced that someone was at the front door. My decor! I hurried to the door and my jaw dropped. I had forgotten that I’d ordered a full-sized christmas tree, and the other boxes were huge, too! There’s no way I could drag all that stuff inside. So, what’s a girl to do? Call a big strong guy, that’s what! I texted Josh to see if he could come home for lunch. I could just see him rolling his eyes as he read of my dilemma. “I’ll buy you lunch!” I texted. “Vinnola’s,” He replied.
That meant he wanted a Vinnola’s Italian beef sandwich. Now I wanted one, too! I added several other odds and ends from the Italian deli/market since I was going to have to pay for delivery anyway. I couldn’t leave the house with all my goodies sitting out front, could I? This is a decent neighborhood, but I couldn’t bear to take the chance that my boxes would walk off on me.
I set the table and made sure we had two cold Pepsi’sTM waiting for us, then I just chilled. Not my strong suit. I put Andrea Bocelli on for background music, since we’re gonna have Italian food. Well, it’s sorta Italian. I like to base my dinner music on the ethnicity of the food I’m serving; I’m cute that way. So, then I grabbed my Tuscan Homes magazine and started browsing, or what I call ‘research.’ I love my job!
#
After Josh moved all my stuff into the garage and we ate our lunch (so delicious!) I puttered my way over to the project house, bringing some of the new decor with me. I have to wait for the furniture to arrive before I can really decorate, but I can throw a few things up to make things more festive.
Thad was running this monstrous circular sander thingy over the hardwood floors we found when we removed the tacky carpeting. That was a major bonus, even if not entirely unexpected. I can’t wait until he applies the dark walnut stain I picked out, it’s gonna be so gorgeous! It’ll be so Tuscan, so Florentine. ‘Course, their stain was applied by the passage of centuries, ours is from MinwaxTM. What’re you gonna do? We only have three weeks before the open house, so…you do the math.
I tapped Thad on the shoulder. He stopped the machine and removed his earphones. “Hey Stevie, what’s up?”
“Hi Teddy. Look, I brought Christmas with me! It was left on my doorstep with a note pinned to it’s chest.” I quipped, causing his dimples to flare up again. “I’ve got a couple wreaths, a couple little houses, and, wait for it…mistletoe!” I really wanted to hold up the mistletoe and give him a big kiss, but I wasn’t sure if our kiss the other night was a beer-induced hallucination. So, I decided to just hang it up and let the cards fall, or the chips, or whatever.
I still couldn’t believe this rich, gorgeous guy would be interested in me, so I had to assume he was drunk during our previous encounter. “Stevie?” He called and I spun around. He was standing under the mistletoe as fate would have it.
“Yes Teddy?” I breathed.
“Um…you know what? Never mind.” He shook his head and put his headphones back on and started up that infernal machine again. Well, shit.
I pouted my way back to my ersatz desk and plopped my laptop down on it. Okay girl, just get to work. You need to pick out the staging furniture. I pulled up the website for the best furniture leasing company in town, reputedly, and was really disappointed in the available options in the premium packages. I need to be able to pick and choose, so I’m going to have to shop around. I found a place with a lot of cool stuff and prerented items will save us a lot of money. If I was buying, I could get exactly what I wanted, but I think I can still make do and have it look really nice. I was getting excited.
#
After a week of herding cats on the job site, things were really coming together. The tile guys really made the bathrooms look like high-end spas and I was seriously tempted to move in. At least temporarily. Thad had uncovered some really nice brick around the fireplaces and we were going to leave it exposed. I told him to leave some of the damaged plaster and he agreed it looked spectacular. He had put up the gorgeous rough-hewn beams around the doorways and fireplace mantel. That immediately transported me to Italy. I was really proud of how this was all coming together.
Finally, my trip to the endocrinologist arrived. I had been so busy, I hadn’t had time to fret about it. Keeping with my Italian theme, I wore an ecru sweater dress with a black belt and a pair of black D’orsay pumps. Tres chic! Or I should say molta bella! I strutted into the doctor’s office portraying way more confidence than I was feeling. I was called back several minutes later.
I was in the silly paper gown that covers nothing and told to hop up onto the examination table. I actually had to put my feet up into a pair of stirrups! I felt so exposed at that moment. My embarrassing appendage was about to be seen by another human being. Gaah!
Dr. Franzen manipulated my, erm, scrotum. “Interesting,” She murmured, then she looked up at me. “Did you know you don’t have testicles?”
“Yeah, I guess. I kinda just tried to ignore it.” I managed to squeak out. “When I was young, the boys would take great delight in kicking me, um, down there. The pain was excruciating, and one time, J.J., Jimmy Jacobs, I’ll never forget him, kicked me super hard down there at least a dozen times on my way home from school. I truly thought I was going to die, and about that time I didn’t care if I did. Anyway, my parents had to come get me. I was still curled up in a ball on the ground when they found me. They blamed me! Can you believe it? If I wasn’t such a sissy, it wouldn’t have happened, they said. I brought it on myself, they said.” A tear rolled down my cheek and Dr. Franzen squeezed my hand.
“Shhh, it’s okay now. It’s not your fault.” She cooed.
“Yeah. Well, they didn’t even take me to the hospital and the pain lasted like two weeks. They made me go to school and I could hardly walk or think straight.”
“My god. Your parents could’ve gone to jail from what you’ve told me. I’m appalled.” She seethed. “Anyway, this explains why you never went through puberty.”
“Can’t say I’m sorry about that. J.J. did me the biggest favor. If it weren’t for him, I would’ve gone down a path I never wanted to travel. I really should thank him.”
“Well, that’s putting a positive spin on things.” She smiled. “You’re a remarkable girl.”
I walked out of Dr. Franzen’s office with a Barbie bandaid on my hip. I finally had estrogen flowing through my veins! The secret sauce. I grinned and giggled my way to the elevator, causing a little girl to notice me and say, “Wow, she’s really pretty, mommy. Don’t you think she’s pretty?” I smiled even wider as I pressed the down button. That little girl was really cute. I suddenly got a little wistful.
But I was feeling pretty good when I waltzed into the project house. Thad was installing one of the lighting fixtures I had picked out. “Wow, that looks even better than I imagined, Teddy!”
He smiled. “Doesn’t it though? You really know how to pick ‘em, girl! This is the best project I’ve ever done. I guess I should thank Denise.” He came down from his ladder.
“Denise?” I asked.
“Yeah, she brought you to me.” He said softly, looking into my eyes. Rick was the only cameraman today, and he filmed me turning into a puddle of goo. Then Thad grabbed my gooey hand and led me to the library. “What do you think? He asked.
“Oh wow, Teddy.” I whispered. I went speechless for a moment. “When I found those windows, I knew they would be totally perfect. Just look at them!” I like to go to antique stores and flea markets and estate sales and call it work-related research. It’s so fun, especially when I find a real treasure like these leaded glass arched windows, still in the original frames. They were spectacular. I bet someone replaced them with aluminum double-glazed windows with zero personality. Lucky for me!
We were still standing there, holding hands, looking at and through the windows. He turned and looked me in the eyes. He practically whispered, “You really are remarkable. You’re a remarkable…” He paused and I stared up at him breathlessly.
“Yes?” I prodded.
He tore his eyes away from me and resumed looking at the windows. “Um, a remarkable designer.”
After I picked up my fallen crest, I managed a little smile. “Thank you, Teddy” I pulled my hand away from his and had to chastise myself for falling for this guy. Sure, he’s gorgeous and electrifies me, but what else do I know about him? He obviously doesn’t feel about me… wait! I just remembered he asked me on a date. And he kissed me. Was that when he was inebriated, though?
I thought I’d test the waters. “So, Teddy, where are you taking me on our date?”
“Hmm? Oh, right, sorry, we’ve been so busy, I completely… I was thinking of Elway’s actually. Does that sound good?” Elway’s is a great steak place, kinda ritzy, that I’ve been wanting to go to but could never afford.
“Oh yes,” I replied. “That sounds amazing. I’ve always wanted to try it. Um, text me with the details, huh?”
“You bet. Come on.” He led me out of the library, which I would have to fill with a thousand books next week. I’ll have to hit the Goodwill, or something. I wonder where all the previous owner’s books went? Prolly an estate sale. Ooh, that’s what I’ll do - they sell them by the lot!
#
December 22. D-Day. Or, the date that will live in infamy! One of those WWII references anyway. This is the day my furniture arrives and I get to pull an all-nighter doing the funnest part of my job. I would be really busy, and probably getting dirty, so I just put on a pair of cute corduroy leggings and an old tunic-length sweater. Well, on little ol’ me it’s a tunic! It’s still a designer sweater, though, I’m not a sty-snuffling piggy after all!
The weather had turned really cold and they were predicting a white Christmas, which I was really looking forward to. I should have worn my hair down for the warmth, but I need it in a ponytail for my work, so I just put on a pair of fuzzy earmuffs. I’m not really a hat kinda girl. I flipped my scarf over my shoulder and slid into my car. Janet turned and smiled at me. No, she’s not a stowaway; she had the day off and wanted to come have fun with me. Isn’t that sweet of her?
We sang Christmas carols all the way to the house - she’s really good at harmonizing! I sipped my Starbucks cocoa after I backed into the driveway and parked. I turned to Janet. “Ya’ll ready for this?” I giggled and we started beatboxing the SpaceJam song. I only know it because I love the song “I Believe I Can Fly” and they’re on the same album. Anyway, we each grabbed a box of Christmas decor and giggled our way into the house. Having Janet with me was going to make this an extra fun day!
Ten minutes later, the delivery truck with all my furniture arrived. Omigod! So, I spent the next hour being chief bitch and navigator, getting all the pieces into their correct spots. Finally, the delivery guys left muttering and I plopped down onto the dark sage green damask sofa and sighed, allowing a little smile to curl the corners of my mouth. I mused how crazy this month had been. Got my biggest design job ever - well, that wasn’t hard as I’ve only been doing this for six months. I finally accepted that I’m a woman and not a femme gay man. I found out that I don’t have testicles (#sorrynotsorry) and I’m now on estrogen! That has to be the most mind-blowing of all. I’m falling in love with my work partner. Okay, that’s pretty mind-blowing as well. Let’s see, my drivers’ license now has an ‘F’ on it instead of an ‘M.’ You know, I still pull it out every day to look at it. And tomorrow I visit my parents for the first time in three years. And I’m going as a girl, dressed to the nines! Wow.
Beside me, Janet said, “Yeah, wow.”
“Oh! Did I say that out loud?” How embarrassing.
“Yeah, the place looks great, Stevie. You are…” She looked around, then into my eyes, “...really talented.” Her face resembled something in the realm of awestruck. But, okay, good, she didn’t hear all the other stuff that was going through my addled mind. Yeah, it’s all good.
Then I beamed. “Guess what time it is?”
“Lunch?” She proposed.
I rolled my eyes. “No silly; it’s time to decorate! Wait ‘til you see all the fun stuff I got!” Actually, it was getting close to lunch time, so I ordered Chinese food for delivery. I got enough for Stewie and Stalin, too. They’ve been filming all the excitement today. I can’t wait until we see the final edit. We’re gonna include it as part of the New Years Eve festivities. We decided to throw a party here at the house. We made it absolutely perfect for entertaining large groups. That’ll be such fun!
It was my idea to have another open house on New Years Eve, with champagne and hors d'oeuvres and all that, going into the night for all those who wanted to stay. I hope it’s not a total drunken disaster after all our hard work. If things go well at mom and dad’s day after tomorrow, I’m thinking of asking them to come. Really not counting on that one, though.
I had filled the basement with hundreds of great finds, so we, the four of us, made the trek up and down the stairs and I directed the items to their proper locales. By three o’clock I was ready to start decorating! I was hoping to be out by midnight, but you never know. I’m Janet’s ride, so I told her she could sleep in the master bedroom if she didn’t want to Uber home. I’m not selfless enough to drive her home in the middle of decor day! She said she was in it to the bitter end with me. Okay, I guess she’s a better person than I am. But I already knew that!
Janet’s eye for decorating is rather good, so I didn’t have to do a whole lot of tweaking, and that extra bit of help got us out of there by 11pm. I was exhausted but happy as we sang our way home.
I sang Janet the song I wrote last Christmas, when I was still in school. I was alone in the dorm over the holidays and feeling sorry for myself as the words just flowed. It was an angst-ridden country song, kinda like the ones where the dog dies, the pickup truck breaks down and the boyfriend runs off with the barmaid:
I walk ‘long the tracks between the haves and have nots
I’ve got nothing but hope to my name
Without a name, I suppose, it’s all just as well
‘Cause it’s Christmas on the wrong side of town.
I look down at myself in my hand-me-down rags
And think of all those wrong toys stuffed in bags
And the wrong boys they wander in and out of my life
Sometimes I just wish they’d leave me alone.
I see the girls in their dresses and long flowing tresses
My gorgeous blonde hair’s been cut to my ears
I’d give my left arm for just one doll in my right
If I thought crying would help, I just might.
‘Cause it’s Christmas on the wrong side of town
And the world seems it’s so upside down
I wanna dance to the music in a red skirt and heels
But it’s Christmas on the wrong side of town.
I had to steal my nail polish and a lipstick or two
Then I had to just hide them away
‘Cause when your born to be poor in both spirit and soul
You just hope you’ll be dancing one day.
One day at a time, oh if I had a dime
For every time someone said “dear, just smile”
I’d be richer than God in His mansplaining prime
Here’s my shoes, come and walk just a mile.
‘Cause it’s Christmas on the wrong side of town
And the world seems it’s so upside down
I wanna dance to the music in a red skirt and heels
But it’s Christmas on the wrong side of town.
There’s a train rumbling down, I can feel as I walk
There’s the whistle I’d hear if I cared
Then I look over again to the girls I should be
But I live here, for now, I’ll survive.
So I step off the tracks as the train rushes past
Then find myself face to face with a girl
She’s so pretty and sweet, and those heels on her feet
Oh my dear God, that sweet girl is me!
And it was Christmas on the wrong side of town
When the world seemed to be upside down
But now I dance to the music in a red skirt and heels
No more Christmas on the wrong side of town.
No more Christmas on the wrong side of town.
“Oh my god Stevie! That was so awesome! You wrote that? It’s so sad. It’s true, though, isn’t it?” I nodded and smiled. She continued, “And the end! You’re dancing now, aren’t you?”
I looked back to the road. “I think I am.” I whispered.
#
I decided to sleep in the next day. I was just gonna stay home and chill out since my work was done. Thad would be there if any home buyers came by for the open house. I was being a bit obsessive, but I sent him a text telling him what lights to turn on and to light the fireplace and the enticing and fragrant Christmas candles. I told him to text me if there was any news. He texted me around noon to tell me that about twenty people had come to look at the house, but he guessed maybe half of them were just lookie-loos. Still, ten’s not bad.
I spread out on the couch in my sweatpants and hoodie and watched a cute Hallmark Christmas movie I had recorded. I try to watch every one that Kimberley Sustad stars in. She is absolutely flipping amazing!
After the movie, I decided to make a huge pot of beef barley soup with steak we had leftover from a couple days before. I try not to eat a lot of steak, because I can picture the poor cows’ faces with those big dewy cow eyes staring at me, pleading. So sweet. Why do they have to be so damned delicious, too! Grrr! I’m so conflicted…Story of my life.
I still had a couple hours before Josh got home, so I thought I’d take the opportunity to pick out my outfit for tomorrow night. I went to my bedroom and closed the door. My modesty extends even to an empty house; or is it shame? Lately I’ve been thinking about having my biggest shame removed. It’s certainly not the first time I’ve thought about getting rid of the damned thing, but it is the first time I have absolutely no doubt about its removal. A penectomy - sounds painful, but it couldn’t be any worse than the pain I felt when my testicles were destroyed. That’s impossible.
I stood naked in front of my mirror. I could finally look right; feel right; be whole. I could finally be the girl that’s always cowered or scratched and clawed within me. That flawed girl. Hers is a beautiful flaw. A necessary flaw. I am wabi-sabi. I learned that in my aesthetics course. Wabi-sabi is a traditional Japanese aesthetic concept, or world view, based on the acceptance of transience and imperfection; the appreciation of beauty that is "imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete" in nature. Yep, that’s me - I will always be imperfect and incomplete, as are we all. I must remember that.
It’s just that mine is an imperfection that most people don’t understand. They can’t comprehend it. And it has to do with sex, so it’s rife with confused and passionate feelings. Many fear it because it strikes at their ingrained concepts, their world view, their self-image. It can feel intensely threatening to them. That leads to anger and irrational behavior that is actually rational in its aims - to keep the very foundations of their world stable.
I sighed. I have been born to walk a lonely, sometimes terrifying, path. But it is a path that must be taken. Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” I would add that the inauthentic life is not worth living. I strive for authenticity. And my authentic self is undeniably female.
I only hope my parents can come to terms with that fact. Can I persuade them to allow the love a parent usually feels for their child to override their fears and preconceptions? Can they overwrite the script of their foundational texts? Shouldn’t a parent be willing to do that for their child? I can only hope so.
I shook my head. That’s enough philosophizing for one afternoon! It was actually pretty easy to choose my outfit for Christmas Eve. I would wear my cranberry sweater dress again. It’s the most Christmassy thing I own, after all. I really need to diversify my wardrobe! This time I would add a gorgeous silver belt and, though it’s supposed to be quite cold, my silver strappy heels. My makeup I plan to do an evening look with smoky eyes. I know the look is a bit sexy, but like Josh said, ‘hit them between the eyes!’
I returned to the sofa and sat with my legs curled under me. I grabbed my phone and texted Thad. “How r things?”
“Amazing. I think we’re going to have a bidding war on our hands. Everybody loved what u did btw!” He texted back. “Going to head home now. Was a good day.”
“That’s awesome.” I texted. Now, here goes nothing. “U doing anything tomorrow nite?”
“LOL, no, probably order Chinese takeout and watch a movie.”
“That’s sad! Been there, done that, tho, tbh,” I replied. “Wanna meet the parents?” I tried. Please please please! I need all the support I can get.
“Pardon?”
“Josh and I are going over to mom and dad’s for xmas eve dinner and festivities. Wld love if you could join us.” I said.
A minute passed without a reply. Shit. Then my phone rang in my hands, causing me to startle and drop it on the floor. As I reached for it, I fell between the sofa and the coffee table. Well, this is just great. I lay there and looked at the screen. Thad!
“Um, hi.” I answered softly.
“Hey Stevie. So, is this a big step or just a coincidental confluence of events?”
“Oh, totally coincidental and confluential. I don’t need their approval of my boyfriends.” I said, still laying on the floor looking at the ceiling. Is that a crack?
“Am I your boyfriend?” Oh shit, did I call him my boyfriend? This is why I like texting, I can edit my big mouth.
“Um, no, of course not! I mean, unless you wanna be?” I sputtered.
“Yes, I think I would like that. Very much.” He said softly.
“Really?” I smiled. “Me too.”
“So, what time is this little get-together? What’s the dress code? Should I bring something?” He rattled off.
“Oh Teddy, thank you! Um, it’s an all-day type thing, starting at noon. And just dress Christmassy, no suit and tie. Maybe a sweater? I don’t mean…well, it’s not an ugly Christmas sweater party or anything.” I couldn’t feel my tongue any more.
“It’s okay, I think I know just the thing. And I’ll just bring a bottle of wine, will that work?” He asked. “Oh, what about a fruitcake?”
“That would be lovely, Teddy.” I cooed.
“Okay then. I’ll pick you up shortly before noon, okay?”
“Thanks Teddy, that would be great!”
Josh came in the front door and I was still laying on the floor. “What’s this?” He looked concerned for a moment then he smiled. “So, are you the floor model? In as-is condition, I presume?”
“Silly,” I said, sitting up. “Dropped my phone. Teddy’s gonna come to mom and dad’s tomorrow. He’s gonna pick me up.”
“Really! Wow, that should be…interesting.” He said.
“Bad idea?” I asked.
“No, no, maybe his presence will tame the wild beasts. Keep them in check. Could work out well for you.” He tried.
“I’m not expecting things to go ‘well,’ I just want to avoid a bloodbath.” I said, as Josh helped me up off the floor. I gave Josh a hug. “I just want them to like me, is that so wrong?”
“No, it’s not wrong. Maybe a bit ambitious. Maybe bilious toleration should be the goal. At least for now.”
“What’s ‘bilious’ Mr. Dictionary?”
“Like nauseous, or ill-tempered.” He defined, leading me by the hand to the kitchen table. “Wine?”
“Yes, please. Okay, that sounds about right, bilious…” I trailed off and lay my head in my hands. “Oh Josh, I’m so scared.”
“Don’t worry, Stevie, Thad and I will be there running interference. If worse comes to worse, one of us could drive you home.”
“Oh god, do you think? Jeez, I don’t want Josh to have to deal with a lot of drama. It’s not what he’s made for,” I quoted the Billie Eilish song. ‘What Was I Made For?’ is one of my theme songs. I like to sing it when I’m feeling down. I used to sing it way too often, along with ‘I Dreamed a Dream’ from Les Miz. Sigh.
“How ‘bout I go over early and set some ground rules?” He offered.
“Ground rules? Like what?”
“Like, no lethal weapons. No, seriously, um, how ‘bout no insults, no dead-naming or misgendering?” He said, causing my eyes to widen.
“You really did do research, didn’t you? Oh Joshie!” I gave him a big hug and a tear trickled down my cheek. His masculine scent tweaked my nose.
“Of course I did. Hey, no tears. That’ll be a ground rule for you; put on a thick skin. Do you have one in that massive wardrobe of yours?” He smiled.
“I might be able to scare one up.” I said, not really believing it. “They’ve always known how to push my buttons, though.”
“Yeah, they’re good at that. They even push my buttons. Good thing they’re not in charge of the nuclear arsenal.”
“I know, right?” I giggled. “Okay, you go a few minutes early and prepare the groundwork for me. That’d be great. Should you mention Thad? I wanted him to be a surprise, but I don’t want to cause any heart attacks or anything.”
“I’ll just tell them you’re bringing a boyfriend. Let them get their heads around it before the big reveal. I’ll just say it matter of fact, like they’ll need an extra plate for dinner or whatever.” He said.
“Okay, cool. Do you wanna shower before dinner? I made beef barley soup and fresh bread.” I mentioned.
“Wow, I was wondering what smelled so good. Yeah. Give me five minutes!” He said. Five minutes? Men have it easy don’t they?
#
Christmas Eve morning arrived and as soon as my eyes opened my heart jumped into my throat. God, mom and dad today! Okay, wait, don’t panic, you’re a problem solver, you can do this. Alright, I’ll just pretend. I acted in school, I can do it now. Pretend that everything is normal; pretend that I’m full of confidence; fake it ‘til you make it, right? Gaah!
I put on my robe and made my way to the kitchen to make a special breakfast casserole. It’s one my aunt used to make around the holidays and is absolutely sinful; it has all the basic breakfast foods all in one dish; bread and eggs and cheese and sausage and bacon - yum! I feel my arteries slamming shut already. I hope the fat goes to my hips, butt and boobs. Still no noticeable progress on that front, by the way. It’s only been two weeks, but come on already!
Cooking usually relaxes me, but I don’t think anything can help today. Not even Josh’s joyful, “Good morning sis!” He put his hands on my shoulders. “That smells so good. You are the best cook.” He said, which would usually please me no end. But I was vibrating with tension this morning and I think he could feel it. “It’s gonna be fine.” He tried.
I turned to face him with tears running down my face. “I don’t know if I can do it, Josh. You don’t know what it’s like for someone to despise you and tear you down just for who you are. I mean, I’m a good person, right?”
“You’re the best! Now, you listen to me. If they’re mean to you, that’s not on you, it’s an indictment of their character. I feel sorry for them, really, always angry at the world and finding fault in everybody and everything. Right? So, look on them with pity, and since they are our parents, maybe try to lead them away from the dark side and toward the light? All you have to do is be yourself. Be the sweet, kind, caring person you are. Your very being is the example of what all human beings should strive to be. Maybe that would the best way to inform them, rather than any sermon or tongue-lashing by either of us.”
“Look, I know their kind," he continued, "and they are always trying to persuade or bludgeon people into thinking as they do. Yes, we all want to help fix the people we love, but who determines what is right? I just happen to believe that love trumps hate.”
“God, Josh, why didn’t you ever become a minister? You would have been so good at it.” I said.
“Well, I found out early on that I was way too scientifically minded. And that’s another thing. Mom and dad have been brainwashed into believing that even science can’t be trusted, no matter how overwhelming the evidence. If it doesn’t fit their world view, the science is wrong. So, we have an uphill battle here. We may fail in our quest. As sad as it would be, we may have to cut them loose at the end of this and hope they change in their own time. It’s just, nobody should have to endure what you have for so long. I won’t be a party to it anymore.”
“Oh Josh. You’re the best.” I sniffled. “Are you hungry?”
He feigned exhaustion, slumping against the counter. “Oh, yes ma’am, soliloquies always take a lot out of me.” Omigod, that’s the first time anyone’s called me ma’am! I love it!
I froze the remainder of the casserole in individualized portions. I wanted to give one to Thad and one to Janet, too. I supposed the house was going to be spic and span before the morning’s through; I tend to clean when I am stressed. Oooh, I could take a bath. That would be relaxing, right?
#
I gave myself a once over in the full-length mirror. I kinda think I look too hot for my folks to handle, but that’s sorta the point. Well, looking good is sort of its own point. But, no more hiding, no more faking, no more pretending to be a boy for their sake. I am so done with that. Yeah, that’s a lot of bravado for somebody with a pound of body shapers on. C’mon hormones, do your job already! Oooh, wait’ll they find out I’m on hormones. Oy! This is gonna be a frickin’ nightmayah. Remember Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny? I loved her in that!
I love a man in a sweater and that’s what Josh was wearing when I sat next to him in the living room. “You look nice, Josh.” I said.
“Sorry, I was going to say something similar to you, but I almost swallowed my tongue. Mom and dad are gonna be speechless, but I guess that’s a good thing. Better than the alternative. Shit, I’m starting to get nervous now.”
“No Josh, you can’t. You’re supposed to be my rock. Should I change?” I asked.
Josh balked, “Certainly not! You look gorgeous, and Thad’s gonna love it. He’s a lucky guy.”
“Thanks Josh. You ready to go?” I asked, wringing my hands.
“Um, I guess so.” He said with a quaver. He stood and drew me up with him. “Wish me luck,” he said, giving me a little squeeze.
I watched him go. “Good luck.” My voice trailed off. God, this is terrible; I shouldn’t be alone right now; who knows what nefarious deeds I’m capable of in my condition? I might make the house dirty just so I could clean it again. Or maybe I should make some cookies? Or…the doorbell rang and I jumped. “Eep!”
“Oh, thank god, Thad! You saved me from cleaning the house for the third time this week.” I whined.
“That bad, huh? C’mere.” He took me into a warm cuddly wonderful hug. Ooh, is that cashmere?
We separated, just for him to come back and pull me into a toe-curling kiss. “Wow. Hello boyfriend.” I whispered.
“Hello girlfriend.” He grinned. “You ready to be thrown to the wolves?”
“How did you know?” I asked, looking up into his eyes.
“I’ve learned a lot about you this month, Miss Darling. May I call you darling?” He teased.
“Yes, you may, sweetheart.” I returned, which earned me that big smile of his, with those fathomless eyes and dimples.
“And don’t you worry. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll never let anything bad happen to you - ever. I hope you don’t mind. I’ve always wanted to be a knight in shining armor.” He said, his eyes etched with sincerity.
“I’ve always wanted to be protected by a knight in shining armor.” I breathed. “Or carried off by Prince Charming, I always go back and forth.” I giggled.
“Your wish is my command, m’lady.” He said, sweeping me off my feet. I had to roll my eyes at the corniness of it, but this was part of my childhood dreams after all. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a kiss on his perfectly stubbled cheek.
“Um, sorry, but I need to get my purse and lock the door. Oooh! My phone!” I splurted. Way to kill the moment, girl.
Then I also remembered the gifts for mom and dad. It’s a good thing they don’t live far away, cos I probably forgot ten other things. Josh moved the wine and fruitcake from the passenger seat to the backseat, then helped me into the car. I can manage fine with heels, but it’s nice to know he’s such a gentleman.
Josh slid in and immediately put a hand on my stocking-clad thigh, nearly sending me through the ragtop of his really cool convertible. “See, I can multitask, too.” He began. “I can be your knight in shining armor; your Prince Charming; and the Beast to your Beauty.” He smiled.
“I told you about that?” I blushed.
“You did. When we first met, do you remember? When you told me you were a boy. I didn’t believe you, but you had me going.” He said as he turned the heat up and clicked on the seat warmers.
“Yeah, about that…” I began.
“Shh, it’s okay. I know you were pretending, for your parents. That’s why I know today is going to be really difficult for you and why I’ll be by your side the whole way. Okay?”
“Thanks Teddy.” I leaned over the center console for another kiss. I take every opportunity I can, so sue me.
#
We were standing at the front door of my parents’ house and I was quaking in my really cute strappy heels. I was either really nervous or really cold, or D: all of the above. Josh interrupted my inner monologue of catastrophizing and chickening out-izing. “It’s gonna be okay. Go ahead, push the button.”
I reached up my hand and held my perfectly manicured finger over the doorbell. My nails have gotten really long and pretty lately. Another nail in the coffin of Steven. Oh god! My heart was going 280 or 360 or something. Then I did it! I actually pushed the doorbell!
I was a bit shocked when my dad answered the door. I was expecting, well, anyone else. All he said was “Yes?”
“Hi daddy,” I whispered. His face did this thing, then he turned to Thad. “And you are?”
“Thad. Thad Williams, Sir.” He reached out a hand, but my dad didn’t take it. Okay, we’re off to a good start here. Then Thad reached out the fruitcake. “Um, a fruitcake, for the party,” he offered.
“Then dad muttered under his breath, just loud enough for us to hear it, “Ah, two fruitcakes, then; or is it three?” He glanced at Thad who just smiled.
“Dad, what did I tell you!” Josh said as he nudged dad out of the way to help us in. “Hey Thad, Merry Christmas! Here, let me take those. C’mon in.”
“Merry Christmas Josh. Thank you.”
“Is that Steven?” Came mom’s voice from the kitchen. Jeez, she’s never used my birth name in my life! Well, except for when I’d done something bad.
“Mother!” Josh bellowed back.
I started to turn to walk away, but Josh grabbed my hand. “No, Stevie, please stay, I’ll go talk to them - again!”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
Josh turned. “You two, in the den!” He snarled.
“Hey you can’t talk to us like…” Dad began.
But Josh cut him off. “Just move it!”
And they actually did. They were wide-eyed, but they all went to the den. Wow.
I turned to Thad. “I am so so sorry about all this. You could be home with your Chinese take-out and a nice movie, but instead…” He stopped me with a kiss.
“Hey, please don’t worry about it. This is way more interesting. And I got your back, okay?”
I looked up at him and gave him a wan smile. “‘Kay.” He gave me another little peck.
About ten minutes later, mom, dad, and Josh reemerged from the den. “So, who wants eggnog?” Josh asked with a smile, arms wide. Wow, and I thought I was a good actress.
We played some party games, which were actually pretty fun, while we got slowly hammered with spiked eggnog. “You look really pretty Stevie,” my dad said out of nowhere. What? What is happening?
“Um, thanks daddy.”
“Yeah, you look just like your mother when she was young. Doesn’t she, Mags?” He said wistfully. My god, how hammered is he?
“Just how many of those eggnogs have you had?” I asked him with a giggle. I leaned toward Josh and whispered, “what in the world did you say to them?” He just shrugged with a little twinkly grin.
“She dresses better than I ever did, but yes, Stevie, you’re beautiful.” Mom said, reaching her hand toward mine. We met in the middle and we gave each other a little squeeze.
Thad chimed in, “You know, she’s not just a pretty face. She’s sweet and kind and smart and really really talented.” He leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips, right in front of mom and dad! To my surprise, they just gave bemused grins. I think Josh broke them.
After dinner, we all gathered around the Christmas tree. There weren’t a ton of presents, but then we’re not kids anymore. Mom asked me, “Stevie sweetie, would you give out the presents?”
“Um, I would actually love to, but I’m not exactly dressed for it.” I said, my face flushing.
“Let me,” Josh said. “I’m not wearing a minidress and sky-high heels.”
“I would kill to see that.” I giggled.
So, Josh distributed the gifts and we each had a little pile next to us, even Thad. When did they find the opportunity to get him gifts? They didn’t even know he was coming. Although they did sneak off for a little while this afternoon….Hmm.
We always went around the room, going from youngest to oldest, each opening our gifts one at a time. This way, everybody got to see what each one got and ooh and aah and make the joy last a good long time. We each had a glass of warm spiced wine so the atmosphere was quite relaxed. This was a far cry from the way the day had started! I smiled as I began to open my first gift. It was from Josh. It was my biggest present and I was so curious to discover what it could be.
“Omigod! A Barbie Dreamhouse! Omigod Josh! Thank you!” I was crying within seconds. My first Barbie! We usually wait until the end to give each other kisses and hugs but I couldn’t help myself - I bowled him over. This is now officially the best Christmas ever!
“Damn, how can I compete with that?” Thad said with a smile.
“It’s not a competition, silly.” I said, taking the opportunity to sneak a little kiss.
Mom’s and dad’s gifts were at least non-gendered this year. Well, kinda. One of the CDs was Taylor Swift’s new album. I doubt any guy would admit to liking Taylor. I also got BluRays of a couple of my favorite movies. They must have gotten Josh’s help on what to get. Last but not least was my gift from Thad. It was a small oblong box.
I smiled at him as I opened it, then I went into shock. Jewelry? He bought me jewelry? What does that mean? It was the most beautiful tennis bracelet I had ever seen. “Omigod Teddy! Please tell me these are not real diamonds!”
“Of course they are! We’re going to make a fortune on our flip and it’s all thanks to you.” He said before he was bowled over and kissed to within an inch of his life.
I sat staring at him, then reached up to wipe my lipstick off his face. He said softly, “I take it you like it then?” He got another mushy kiss in reply. Best boyfriend ever! “I have one other thing for you, but that’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning.” I pouted and he laughed. “I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”
I continued my little girl pout, “Okay, I guess. You’re so mean to me!” I giggled.
#
We were all too inebriated to drive home, so mom and dad put us up in the guest rooms. I got what used to be my old room. I’m really glad she redecorated it - it’s actually pretty now. I had to sleep in one of Josh’s old t-shirts that came to mid-thigh on me. But, I was able to change clothes in the morning, since I now keep a set of work clothes in the car, ever since my first day on the job, when I dressed like Christmas Barbie instead of Lumberjack Barbie. Mom made a big breakfast in the morning and we all piled in, in various states of post-eggnog dishevelment.
“You look so cute, even in flannel!” Mom smiled. Wow, so last night wasn’t a Dickensian dream? I thought maybe I was visited by the ghost of Christmas Never-Gonna-Happen-Not-In-This- Lifetime-Anyway last night.
“Thanks momma,” I blushed. I didn’t even have makeup on!
I was able to grab a moment with Josh a little while later. “What in the world did you say to them last night? Or did you replace them with pod people?”
“Well,” He began, “I gave them one of those sermons you’re always accusing me of delivering.”
“It’s not an accusation. I mean it, you would have been a great minister, and your words are always so meaningful and powerful.” I told him.
“Well, thanks sis. I think I just opened the windows to their souls enough to let a little light in. Or, maybe it was a Christmas miracle, I don’t know. Are you happy?”
“Deliriously! Thanks Joshie!” I gave him a little peck on the lips.
After loading up our gifts into Thad’s car (I got a Barbie Dreamhouse!), he drove us to my promised gift. He assured me I looked totally fine for this particular venture. About a mile out of town, where the suburban sprawl gives way to scrubland, we pulled up to a giant metal building.
“What is this place?” I wondered aloud. “My gift is inside there?”
“And outside,” Thad said cryptically.
“O-ka-ay.” I drew out.
We crunched through the snow before he pulled out a key and put it into the padlock securing the door.
“Oh, is this place yours?” I asked.
“Nope.” He said tersely.
“Then why do you have…?” I began.
“Just hold your horses girl, all will be revealed.” He assured me.
I pouted, “Okay.”
Inside the massive building were rows and rows of shelving. To the right, in the corner, was a beautiful plush chaise lounge, looking decidedly out of place in this industrial setting. There was a floor lamp next to the chair, and over to the side a very nice Chippendale-style desk with a desktop computer on it.
“What is this place?” I asked again.
He grabbed my hand and led me to the first row of shelving. “Have a look,” He said.
“Hey, this is all my leftover stuff from the house! What’s going on?” I was totally confused now.
“Yes, it’s your ‘stuff,’ He laughed before pointing me to a large wooden sign that said ‘Steff’s Stuff.’ I had told him I was thinking of changing my name to Stefani, or Stephanie or some iteration thereof. That way people could still call me Stevie without it being weird. I do like the name, though. A lot.
He resumed, “Now, I want you to know that all this is yours no matter your answer to my question. And don’t worry, I got it for a song, okay?”
I nodded. I still didn’t get it, but, “Your question?”
“Yes, my question. Stephanie Darling. You’ve become more than a random co-hopeful in a video demo.” I started to speak and he put his finger to my lips. “You’ve made me realize that without you, my work, my life even, was mediocre at best. Even if we don’t become the next reno star couple; if we’re never on TV; I guess what I’m trying to say is: Stephanie Darling, would you be my business partner?” He reached into his pocket and placed a rubber o-ring on my finger. I giggled and he continued, “would you be my o-ring? The gasket that holds it all together?”
“Oh my god, you are so weird!” I blurted. Then I squealed, “Yes! Yes, I will be your o-ring, if you’ll be my fuel pump!” That happens to be the only part of a car I know. Mine conked out last year.
He grabbed me and pulled me into a bear hug, then he kissed me, long and soft, tongues intertwining, and I am his o-ring! We finally separated, breathless. “Oh, Teddy, this is gonna be so much fun!”
He reached for my hand and we started meandering around the place. “So, like the sign says, this is for all your decorating and design stuff. You’ll build up a big inventory and you can buy stuff on spec and store it here along with all different styles of decor. Well, you’re the pro, however you want to do it.”
“I can buy stuff?” I whispered with wide eyes.
“Anything you want, I trust you. Our company is loaded thanks to you.”
“Our company?” I asked. This is all so overwhelming.
“Yes. Ours. If you agree. My dad has drawn up an LLC, a partnership, tentatively named ‘Monarch Renovations.’ You, my beautiful butterfly, floated in and changed everything. What do you think of the name? We can always change it.”
It was my turn to put my finger to his lips. “I love it, Teddy. It’s perfect.” I reached up for a kiss.
“Great! I’m glad you like it. There’s just one more thing…” He began and I held my breath. How much more could there be? This has been the most amazing day ever. Truly a Christmas to remember.
He walked me over to the computer. “This is yours, by the way. Do with it what you will; inventory, design, whatever; you can link it to your laptop. But this…” He squiggled the mouse and then clicked on something. “Dance with me,” he said as the music began echoing from hidden speakers in the ceiling. “Have I ever told you what amazing green eyes you have?”
“No,” I whispered as we began rocking back and forth. I placed my head on his shoulder. It was the song ‘Green Eyes’ by Coldplay. When the chorus played, the tears began to fall.
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter now I met you
And honey, you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
When the song ended, he held me at arms’ length and looked into my eyes. “That’s exactly how I feel. I could’ve written that song, you know?” He wiped the tears from my eyes. “I have a hard time finding the words to express myself, so… It’s exactly like they said, ‘You're the one that I wanted to find.’ Don’t worry, I’m not going to propose to you, as much as I would like to.” My eyes went wide and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed, then he continued, “We haven’t even been on a proper date yet. So, ah, how ‘bout a first date? Where would you like to go for lunch?” He smiled causing me to giggle.
#
I considered my condition as we exited my new office/design emporium. “Maybe we could just get takeout? I look like puppy poo.”
“You look beautiful, silly girl! But, your wish is my command.” He held the door and helped me into the car. “So, what? Pizza, Chinese? Congolese?”
“Congolese?” I giggled. “What in the world do they eat in the Congo?”
“I dunno, tse tse flies? Hippopotami? Are you hungry hungry for hippo?” He smiled broadly while I squinched up my nose.
“Does it taste like chicken?” I asked. “Oooh! How ‘bout Popeye’s? I loves me some spicy chicken.”
“Ah, yes, the traditional Christmas fare.”
“Well, chickens are like little turkeys, the kind designed for two people.” I grinned.
“Okay, then, my Cajun Queen, you got it!” He said cheerfully as the car kicked up gravel on our way out.
We held hands on the center console as we motored toward our sustenance. He broke the companionable silence. “You know, it’s true, I can never find the right words for what I’m feeling. I kinda rely on songs and poems. Do you mind?”
“Actually, I think it’s lovely.” I told him sincerely.
“Okay, good, cause I’ve got one more thing to say to you today. You know, the name of our company, Monarch?” He said and I nodded. “I really did name it after you. I see you as a butterfly. You had to grow up as a sort of caterpillar, but then shazam! You came out of your chrysalis this beautiful butterfly.”
“Omigod, I am totally a butterfly! That’s so cool! I was born with this gross boy body. Sorry, no offense. It’s just not the right body for a girl, you know what I mean?” I rambled.
“No worries, I know what you mean.” He assured me.
“It’s still not where I want it to be, but I’m on my way.”
“On your way?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’ve been on hormones for like two weeks. So maybe I’m more like an inchworm or a moth; god I hope I’m not the annoying kind of moth that flaps around your face and gets stuck in your hair and stuff.” I giggled.
“Okay, you are not a moth and you are certainly not annoying. Okay, silly girl, this is what I wanted to say.” He tapped on the CarPlay screen. ‘Butterfly’ by Lenny Kravitz started playing.
“Oh my god, you are such a dork!” I giggled. But, he's my dork.
Butterfly
You are the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen
You shine just like sunlight rays
On a winter snow
I just had to tell you so
Your eyes sparkle as the stars
Like the moon they glow
Your smile could light the world on fire
Or did you know?
Your mind's full of everything
That I want to know
I just had to let you know
I just had to tell you so
You're my butterfly
Fly high
Fly fly fly
“Oh, Josh,” I cooed. “Okay, you are so not a dork. That was just beautiful. You really think those things? About me?”
“Every word.” He said and leaned over for a warm tingly kiss. Wow.
#
Okay, so lunch was kinda anticlimactic after that, but delicious! And, our first official date! I wonder if we’ll tell our grandkids about it? Anyway, Thad took me home to get changed, then he took me back to my parents’ house ‘cause we all decided to hang out for Christmas Day since things ended up so well last night. Thad and I were just cuddled together by the fire when I asked him about New Years. “Should we consider the New Years Eve party to be our second date?” I mused.
“Yes, I think we should; that is, unless we decide to go out again sooner.” He offered.
“Oh, well, I’ll have to ask my boss if I can have the time off.” I said, giving Thad a little peck on the lips.
“First of all, I’m not your boss, we’re partners.” He said sincerely.
“Oh, please? I’ve always wanted to have an illicit affair with my boss. Mr. big boss man, you know, bossing me around and stuff?” I cooed.
“Ooh, you’re a bad girl! Okay. Since you’ve been such a naughty girl, I’m gonna need to see you in my office first thing in the morning for your year-end review.”
“Did you say rear-end preview?” I deadpanned.
He just looked at me and started cracking up. Soon, we were both rolling on the floor giggling. I always wondered what ROFL meant, now I know.
We lay face to face, catching our breath and looking into each other’s eyes. I just had to ask, “So, why aren’t you with your family on Christmas? Are you Jewish or something?”
“Nah, it’s just my parents have never done the Christmas thing. They’re both professionals and always busy, so…”
“That’s so sad.” I pouted.
“Maybe, but I always got great presents. High income, high guilt, high-priced toys. I guess it’s a trade-off.” He said, brushing my hair out of my face.
“You know, my father’s a lawyer too. Scary, right? So how’d we fall so far from the tree?” I asked.
“Well, some nuts just roll that way.” He said, matter-of-factly.
I giggled and snorted (omigod I actually snorted!), causing him to smile. I smiled back with relief. I guess he’s okay with the occasional gigglesnort. He may be a keeper.
#
A few days later, a couple from California swooped in and made Thad an offer he couldn’t refuse. Three million cash on the barrel head! Can you believe it? Half of that was profit, triple what he was hoping for! They wouldn’t be moving in ‘til the middle of January, so Thad said we could go ahead with the New Years party.
Mom and dad said they would come, so things were still looking up on that front. I started to think about all that had to be done getting a party together for fifty people. “Let’s just hire a caterers; let them figure it all out.” Thad offered. “We can afford a little splurge.”
“I suppose we can, but isn’t it a little late to hire a caterer? I would think they’d be all booked up long ago.” I said, throwing water on the whole idea.
Thad groaned, “You’re right. Damn. Well, I guess we need to get busy then!”
Good thing Thad has a big car; we went to Crate and Barrel for all the dishes and silverware and stuff. No paper plates and plastic cups for us! It turns out there were after Christmas sales all over the place, so we went hog wild! The liquor store had a bit of a sale for New Years, but the lack of discounts didn’t hold Thad back. Thank god he was well versed in all the different liquors; as it turns out he was a bartender in college. I learn something new about him every day. I’ll have to ask why he had to work at all considering he had a silver spoon lodged firmly between his pearly whites.
Last but not least were the grocery stores. I got as much as I could at Trader Joe’s, but I was still gonna have to do a bit of cooking and baking, which I didn’t really mind. We were going to do half posh and half working-man snacks to cater to the eclectic tastes of our varied band of acquaintances. I would try the fancy schmancy stuff, but I wasn’t holding out a lot of hope. Our local grocery store had several different kinds of chicken wings and I was very much looking forward to sampling those. The firecracker ones looked especially appealing!
Even just shopping with Thad was enjoyable. I have the feeling that digging ourselves out of a collapsed mineshaft would take on a pleasant drudgery as long as we were shoveling together. I’ve never had that feeling before and it’s quite nice. Anyway, we got back to the house and unloaded all the goodies. The fridge was already jam-packed and I hadn’t even started cooking yet!
The kitchen we designed was going to be perfect for this type of party. Thad put up all the different bottles of liquor on the massive island and I arranged all the pretty glasses. The island has a built-in sink, so that’s gonna come in handy. When we were done, he opened a bottle of peach schnapps and toasted to our partnership. Wow, that stuff is really good!
“Wanna stay here for the night?” Thad asked softly with a hopeful slant to his eyes.
“But we only furnished one bedroom, how would that work?” I asked stupidly.
“Well, it is a king-sized bed.”
“Oh, Thad, are you sure? I mean, that’s a pretty big step and you know, my body is, well... I mean, this isn’t all me, you know.” I spluttered, addressing my padded figure.
“Okay, I get it, but I’m in love with the woman, not her body. Although I am looking forward to exploring that some day, hopefully. I mean, I think it would be kinda nice to just lay there beside you and wake to your beautiful face in the morning.” Omigod, he said he loves me and he didn’t even use a song or a poem or anything. Wow.
“Oh Teddy, um, okay, if you’re sure. I’m a work in progress and I usually don’t like to show off my work until I’m finished; but that won’t be for a while, so…” He looked at me expectantly. “What I mean to say is, yes Teddy, I would love to lay next to you and wake up next to you.” Gaah! This is not the romantic conversation I envisioned in my daydreams, But, whatever. I get to sleep with Thad! Kinda.
Teddy refilled my drink and led me over in front of the fireplace. He got the fire going, then clicked on his boombox bluetooth speaker thingy. That’s all we had since we only had the fake staging TV and stereo at this point. They don’t really get good sound! He selected the John Barry station from his phone. So romantic!
“Teddy?” I began softly. “I love you too, by the way.” I know it’s way too soon for the ‘L’ word, but he said it and I feel it, so… As he reached for a kiss, he accidentally brushed my padded bosom, but something tingled underneath. It thrummed and its pulses reached my um, nether regions. That was new! “Um, Teddy, could we try something?”
“Sure, like what?” He asked amiably.
I grabbed his hand and slid it under my bra. My nipple went erect and he tweaked it, causing me to moan and writhe in ecstasy. Holy mother of God! “Wow; my um, my hormones must be working.” I breathed.
“Cool. That was quick, though, wasn’t it? I mean, I don’t know anything about that sort of thing, but…” He blushed.
“You’re right. I wonder why? Not that I’m complaining!” I grinned. Gosh, I need to talk to Dr. Frankel about that. But that’s for another day, I’m otherwise engaged right now; mmm…
#
My eyes opened to be greeted by the late December sun. I just lay there looking at Thad sleeping. He’s even handsome when he sleeps! I grinned to myself. I thought of him straddling me and kissing my little budding breasts and I started getting all tingly again. He hadn’t seemed put off by my undeveloped body, just curious. He actually touched my appendage and called it ‘cute.’
“You know, there are lots of things we can do even without your having surgery yet, but you know, just say the word and I’ll whisk you off to Thailand.” He had said. I had mentioned Thailand as a possibility as they didn’t have as many strings attached as we do in the States. Besides, they have some of the best surgeons in the world. Thai food’s pretty good as well, I’ve been told!
When I was pretending to be a gay male, I had assumed that one day I would be engaging in that one sort of sex, you know, erm, anal. It was my only option, after all. I know girls sometimes do it that way too, but I just really wanted my first time to be vaginal, you know? Now that I’ve stopped my pretending, my desire to be a proper, if somewhat limited, girl, has been niggling at me persistently.
I sighed, slid off the bed and padded off to the bathroom. I looked at my naked body in the mirror. It’s never going to be fast enough for me, but Thad’s right, my budding breasts happened really quickly. I caressed them gently. If guys only knew how great this feels!
I suppose my body is a little curvier than it should be, but I’m still really the sport model instead of the luxury sedan. I giggled to myself; Thad’s got me thinking in car terms lately. I’m ruined! I put on the dress shirt Thad let me borrow for a nightgown. It comes to mid-thigh on me and looks kinda cute. I made my way to the kitchen to see if there was anything in the fridge that resembled breakfast food. We did have a couple things left over from the guys doing the reno. Bread and peanut butter and jelly - ooh! Strawberry rhubarb - love it! I set the coffee to brewing. I have always used a Keurig, but I was able to figure out the Mr. Coffee without any trouble.
We were being very domestic, sitting at the table, reading our phones and chatting. “We got the house.” He said simply.
“Hmm?” I said with a mouth full of PBJ.
“Oh, sorry,” He began, “I put in an offer on this great house downtown. Franklin Street. 500 block. It’s the last one that hasn’t been renovated already. I didn’t expect to get it since I kinda lowballed them.” He looked sheepish. “I gave the realtor all the reasons it thought it was a complete disaster and they must have agreed or something. The owner had just died. Maybe the kids just wanted rid of it? Whatever, I got it, we got it, for only two mil.” Only two million dollars? Yikes. I grew up in a saltbox on the west side of town, this was rarefied air I was now breathing with Thad.
“That’s great Teddy! Well done!” I enthused.
“Thanks babe.” Ooh, a new term of endearment; they’re coming fast and furious now. I sorta liked it. “Wanna go look at it with me?” He asked, not looking up from his phone.
“I’d love to, but I really need to go home and get a shower and changed and all that. ‘Kay?” I asked.
“Well, can you just throw on what you wore yesterday? It’s just a couple miles away; taking you home would be way out of the way.” He was right, but it still miffed me that I wouldn’t be able to get fixed up again. I was turning into a regular hobo. Boho is cool, Hobo is so not!
“Um, okay I guess. If I’m gonna be hanging out with you, Mr. Spontaneous, I’m gonna have to keep some things in your car. I’m getting kinda grungy.” I complained.
“Well, you still look beautiful to me.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it. He’s a terrible liar but I love him.
The curb appeal of the house was pretty good, but inside? Yikes! It looked like the 1970’s threw up in there. But I have a knack for seeing past the passé to the possibilities beneath. This place could be amazing. I already had ideas swarming and couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into it. It was so exciting to have another project lined up already. But first is the New Years party. I’ve still got a lot to do.
#
Okay, I kinda chickened out NYE morning. I’ve never cooked gourmet food, so I decided to go get a few backup items at Whole Foods. I found several great-looking items that would seem to fit the bill, then I made my way to the liquor store to pick up the beer that Thad forgot to get the other day. Of all things! I know of several young guys that would have been completely bumfuzzled had they wound up beerless!
I was totally glad I had insisted on installing two ovens and two microwaves. All four appliances were getting a good workout today. I was taking on recipes by Martha Stewart, Ina Garten, Adam Richman, and even Stephen Colbert, of all people! My mom offered to come over early and help me (I know! Who woulda thought it a week ago?) and I accepted gratefully.
We were having so much fun cooking together, even though she scolded me for cooking in heels! By five o’clock we were essentially done, we just had to wait for a few things to finish baking. The first guests were due to arrive around six. It’s funny, I had banned Thad from the kitchen and he had gratefully become ensconced in front of the real working TV he had imported from home. He was watching football games and I found the idea and the atmosphere actually kinda homey and domestic. Woman cooking in the kitchen, man glued to the TV. Stereotypical, but comforting in a way. I even enjoyed bringing him the occasional beer!
The doorbell rang at five minutes to six and who to my surprise did I find at the door, but Josh and Janet, together! How did this happen? When did this happen? They gave each other a kiss and just said ‘Surprise!’ Surprise, indeed. My two favorite people in the world, well, other than Thad these days, joining forces!
I squealed, “Oh my god, you guys, when did this happen?” We had a quick group hug, then they came with me into the kitchen. They grabbed a wine and a beer and told me the whole story of their own meet-cute. Well, it wasn’t so much a chance meeting as they grew on each other, kinda like a fungus! I giggled when I said that to them and they rolled their eyes. They’ve known each other more than ten years, but never knew they each had a crush on the other. So sweet.
When Stewie and the boys arrived, they descended on the buffet like a swarm of locusts. I grabbed Stewart by the hand and turned him toward me. “Hey Stewie,” I cooed, giving him a peck on the cheek. I feared he may swallow his tongue! I couldn’t help but giggle. “I hope you brought our video. We have a captive audience and we want to take advantage of it.”
“Yep! And it’s an Emmy winner for sure!” He prattled excitedly.
“That’s great Stewie, I hope you’re right. It would be so cool to be on TV. You could say you ‘knew us when…’
“You were so amazing, Stevie. I had so much good stuff to work with I really had a hard time editing it down to 42 minutes. But I think I did good.” He smiled. “This house turned out absolutely phenomenal! If they don’t hire you, they’re nuts.”
“Cool. Can I get you a beer?” I offered. “Champagne is for later.”
“Sure. Thanks Stevie.”
“No probs Stewie. Have a good time, ‘kay?”
At eight o’clock, everyone gathered around and we casted the video to the big TV. I sat on Teddy’s lap and we did some synchronized grinning with the occasional peck on the lips. Stewart wasn’t kidding! Look out Chip and Joanna, Steph and Teddy are comin’ for you! I giggled to myself. I was absolutely mesmerized. Stewart did an amazing job. He’s gonna go far. He’ll get an ‘A’ for this project for sure.
We got a standing ovation and for the next hour we chatted with everyone and their mother, literally, about the project. Oh, and a couple fathers. Thad’s father cornered me and said, “I understand now what’s got Thaddeus so worked up lately. He seems a different man. I understand you’re the reason for that. You’re quite a girl, Stephanie; talented and beautiful, too. I already told him he better not screw this up if he knows what’s good for him.” Mr. Williams smiled.
“Thanks Mr. Williams. I have to admit, I’m quite smitten with your son. Oh, and thanks for setting up our company, my dad says it all looks great. He’s a lawyer too, you know.” I admitted.
“Is he now…?” And we were off talking about legal mumbo jumbo. I soon had tactfully maneuvered him over to my father and let nature take its course.
#
It was nearly midnight and the ball was slowly dropping in Times Square. Teddy and I held hands, waiting for the moment and the whole room began counting down the last ten seconds. When the clock struck midnight it was bedlam. All the noisemakers and stuff created a beautiful cacophony that soon morphed into ‘Auld Lang Syne.’ I made sure that everybody also sang ‘Imagine’ with me, because I was in no condition for a solo rendition.
We were supposed to kiss! We haven’t had a chance to kiss yet! Finally, Teddy turned me to face him and he leaned down. I stood on my tiptoes and we welcomed in the new year with a PG-13 kiss. We were surrounded by fifty of our closest friends, so it didn’t exactly lend itself to exploring either tonsils or uvulae.
The champagne was flowing and the party continued on. Teddy sat me down in front of the fire, the very place where we sat on buckets a mere month ago, discussing second chances and first dates. “Steph,” He said softly, holding my hands in his. He’d taken to calling me Steph lately and I quite liked it. “I have a modest proposal for you.” I got only slightly nervous, because his proposals had all turned out pretty good so far. “I know we’ve only known each other for a month, but it’s been a helluva month!” He grinned.
“It sure has,” I agreed, keeping my eyes locked on his.
“My proposal is this… Um, my question is this. Will you consider cohabiting with me?” His voice was nearly a whisper. Cohabiting? Oh! Living together!
Wow, that’s a big step. Like he said, it’s only been a month. But it really has been a helluva month. A helluva year, really. I started the year out a sorta boy, then I graduated from college, then I moved back to Denver. I set up housekeeping with Josh and started my own business, such as it was. Then I got picked to audition for a TV show, met a jerk who turned out to be a great guy, and actually fell in love with him over the course of renovating my dream project. Then I finally started on hormones and actually started budding! I also I became a partner in a multimillion dollar company and seem to have mended the relationship with my parents. Phew!
Now, the man I love wants me to move in with him? I mean, it’s the logical next step, isn’t it? But it’s been so quick. Do I need to slow things down? Why? I seem to be handling it all okay. But it’s too soon. Way too fast. And where would we live? I couldn’t possibly…
“Steph?” I heard a lovely baritone voice from somewhere in the distance. “What do you think? I was thinking the new house on Franklin would be perfect for us. I know it’s kinda sudden, but it’s not, really. Not for me, anyway…”
I put a finger to his lips, then I kissed those lips. “Teddy. I would love to cohabit with you.” I giggled and he rewarded me with his beautiful dimply smile, ooh, and another kiss.
Gosh. What will the next year hold?
The End... of the Beginning
Comments
open ended
So can we expect flipping over Valentines?
What will the next year hold?
giggles. good things, I hope!
nice story, huggles!
Impressive...
Solid, enjoyable story, and a lot of the asides had me laughing out loud. Great read.
(But Hobby Lobby? The we-don't-need-to-follow-the-laws-because-we-got-religion folks? Gee...)
Eric
Wonderful!
I love the humor and byplay. Steph is a fully drawn character and the storytelling is superb. A fun read.
Outstanding, Tara!
Another one I missed, with all of the holiday busy-ness and bustle. I mean, I’m a sucker for Christmas Eve and Christmas and St. Stephen’s Day and New Year’s and Epiphany and even Gaudete Sunday, but damn, it does cut into my reading!
Stevie’s assertions at the outset about being an effeminate gay man kept getting undermined at every turn by each revelation of her complete and utter girlishness. In that sense, she reminded me just a bit of Courtney in Melanie E’s delightful story False Start. It was very well done, and seriously cute.
I liked Stevie’s bubbly character, and I liked how her relationships developed. Her friend was great, Thad was really good, and her brother was absolutely the best — everything a trans girl could ever want.
Truly a fun read, and I hope more people go back and catch it now that the holidays have passed. Thanks, Tara!
P.S. The line about the unexamined life not being worth living is a good one, but I think in Stevie’s case the reverse aphorism is more apt: the unlived life isn’t worthy of examination. By deciding to crack her egg, Stevie finally started living — and her life became worthy of this excellent story!
Emma