Helping Mum wasn’t as dire as it sounded. She took charge, which was only right since she knew a lot more about the running of her kitchen than me, and preparation for lunch took less than half the time it usually did. The happy bonus being that Mum calmed down rather than becoming her usual frazzled self. With twice as many hands available, it was easier to wash up as we went, so there wasn’t much in the way of dirties in the sink by the time we were ready to serve up.

Which was probably just as well since Dad usually coerced me into helping him with the washing up afterwards. It looked a little like he was going to be on his own today, so better that he didn’t have as much to do.

Rather unusually, we chatted like a family over lunch. I mean, given the oddness of the previous day and our rather trying Sunday morning, it felt good to have a touch of normalcy.

It wasn’t entirely normal. The plateful Mum offered me was once again half the size I’d have enjoyed as Mitchel, and once again I wasn’t about to argue with her. Once again, I ate more slowly with smaller mouthfuls and more consideration to the taste and texture of each one, which meant Dad won the race for once. Not difficult since he was the only one trying to do so. For my part, the experience was a lot more pleasurable, and I found myself comfortably full before I’d finished everything. I placed my knife and fork side by side on my plate with my last roast potato untouched.

It didn’t last long with Dad spearing it and popping it whole into his mouth while Mum gathered the plates. She gave him a reproachful look which prompted a shrug and a wry grin. “There have to be some benefits to this situation,” he said.

Like more apple pie left over. Again, my portion was a lot smaller than usual, and again, it was just enough to satisfy.

Mum and I both helped Dad with the washing up, which he appreciated all over again.

Finishing my homework didn’t take as long as I’d feared. Mind you, once you have the framework in place, the rest is easy, and actually quite enjoyable. I was done by two thirty and texted Nick to say I was free.

While I was waiting for him to reply, I called through to Stuart.

“My parents have asked me not to come and see you for a day or two,” I said by way of opening.

“I see,” he said by way of response. “That’s, er, dis, er, distressing.”

“Tell me about it. I mean what if I’m still not altogether a girl? I don’t want to be stuck mid change.”

“I can see why you wouldn’t particularly want that, but it wasn’t my first concern. The, er, the portal in my basement has been, er, considerably more active today. So far it’s been, er, shall we say self-regulating…”

“You mean they’re fighting each other?”

“Er, yes, but if we have another creature like that greshnick come through, I’m not sure my defences will be able to withstand a concerted attack from, from something of that nature.”

“And if it gets out, that would be bad.”

“You appear to have mastered the discipline of the understatement.”

“Yes would have been enough. What can we do?”

“I’ve been thinking on that, because, of course, a greshnick could easily enough come through when you’re not about to take care of it.”

“So, you’re saying it doesn’t really matter that much if I come by.”

“No, no, it would. Whenever you go into the basement, you, er, you sort of draw anything close to the portal to you – your scent, you know – so if you were to spend regular time in there, the number of creatures near to the portal would be kept to a minimum.”

“But there’s always a chance of a particular nasty coming through anytime?”

“Er, yes.”

“See that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“Er, what?”

“Never mind. So you said you’d been thinking about it.”

“Yes. I, er, I could untether the portal.”

“Okay. Please explain for those who are not so well versed in mystical geekology.”

“I mentioned the convergence of ley lines in the shops basement.”

“You did.”

“And how when there is too great a convergence of them, they weaken the fabric of spacetime?”

“Resulting in portals, yes.”

“Well, once a portal has been formed, there’s not much can be done to repair the damage to reality that formed it, but it is possible to, er, to unravel the ley lines temporarily. It’s quite a delicate and dangerous piece of magic which could make the portal larger if it goes wrong, but if it works, the portal would no longer be bound to the shop basement.”

“Wouldn’t that mean the monsters would then start appearing somewhere else?”

“It’s likely the portal would be drawn to nearby places of mystical energy, that is to say ancient places of worship, of which we have several relatively nearby, and places associated with, er, death.”

“Graveyards? We have quite a few of those too.”

“Yes. Hospitals as well. For all that they’re places of healing, they experience a great many more deaths on a daily basis than most places.”

“So, what’s the advantage of, er, of untethering the portal?” I wasn’t trying to mimic his stutter, honest.

“At present it appears to be fixed on the other side as well, which means all the monsters are gravitating towards it. They would be far less likely to find it if it were adrift.”

“But they could find it?”

“Yes, but I could keep track of it, and you would be able to patrol the areas it’s drawn to without necessarily having to disobey your parents in regard to coming to see me. The, er, vampires would be fewer and less dangerous, at least until the portal finds another convergence.”

“And when that happens?”

“Then we’re back to the same situation we have at present, except the portal will be somewhere else, possibly in a location we cannot control, and with fewer options when it comes to containment.”

“What options.”

“At present my basement provides a physical barrier in addition to the magical wards I have in place. Neither are infallible, but magical wards alone won’t be as effective. I suppose I could cast a spell across the area which will ward any vampire from entering a building.”

“Yeah, why don’t you do that?”

“It won’t be particularly effective with public buildings. The ward links to the building proprietor meaning creatures from the vampire dimensions would be repelled until the building owner invited them in.”

“Kind of like the traditional thing about vampires not being able to come into a home uninvited?”

“Yes, this spell happens to be the origin of that, er, tradition. Public buildings tend to have a blanket invitation to everyone to come in, so they wouldn’t provide any protection.

“The alternative, of course, is that you disregard your parents and come to see me anyway.”

“Yeah, I don’t see that happening. I have a feeling they’ll be keeping a closer eye on my now that I have all girly bits. You know, ‘where do you think you’re going, young lady?’ sort of thing.”

“You could, er, you could lie.”

“Definitely an option, but I’ll run out lies soon enough, and I only need to be caught once.”

“I suppose.”

“I’m eighteen in a month or so, then they won’t have a say in what I do, other than maybe to threaten to chuck me out if I don’t follow the house rules.”

“That wouldn’t be ideal. Alright, so I’ll see what I can do to about protecting the neighbourhood and then I’ll untether the portal, after which it’ll be down to you. You’ll have to adapt your fighting style of course.”

“Why of course?”

“If the portal shifts to a graveyard, you’ll be fighting on grass a lot of the time, so no options to use the tap rhythms to confuse them, and, and the spike heels on the shoes will, er, will have a tendency to sink into the soft ground, so you’ll have to balance on the balls of your feet.”

“Right. I’m guessing there will also be an issue with my wearing those shoes in public. Those spikes aren’t exactly subtle.”

“Yes, well, er, when the shoes come to me, the spikes are hidden in, er, in a sort of sheath that makes the heels seem a little less, er, lethal. I suppose you could walk around wearing them like that and I suppose I could devise a, er, a sort of quick release mechanism.”

“That would be useful. I guess I’m going to have to get used to short skirts then, aren’t I?”

“Does that bother you?”

“With legs like these? Hardly. When can you get the modified shoes to me?”

“Well, I think I can come up with a working modification for the heel sheath’s sometime today. If you happen to go out for a walk later this evening and happen to walk past your local graveyard, it’ll hardly be your fault if I happen to be walking in the same vicinity at the same time, will it?”

“Are there likely to be vampires there?”

“Not so soon, no. I won’t be able to complete the untethering until later tonight at the earliest, but it won’t do any harm to set a precedent for evening walks, would it?”

“I suppose not. I’ll call you when I’m heading out this evening.”

“Good. I’ll drive to meet you. Do you know what a Citroen DS looks like?”

“I’m guessing it has four wheels and an engine?”

“Yes, but… It’s a vintage car, Sarah. Google it. 1963 Citroen DS. Mine’s a sort of pale green colour.”

“Alright. I suppose it’s easier than getting you to wear a chrysanthemum in your hair.”

“Yes, indeed. Alright, I’ll see you later.”

I hung up and checked my messages. Nick had replied suggesting we meet in the park at three, which was just ten minutes away. I’ll say this for girl shoes, they’re a lot quicker to put on. I was out the door with my handbag over my shoulder less than thirty seconds later.

“Going to meet Nick,” I called as the door swung closed behind me.

I’ll say this for girl shoes, it’s a lot harder to run in them. I mean, sure, I had better coordination now, but I needed every bit of it to keep from twisting an ankle and, despite my short legs, I made it to the park entrance just a minute late.

Nick was waiting with impatiently tapping feet. I slowed as I saw him and took a few deep breaths to calm my fluttering heart. I mean it wasn’t as if I fancied him or anything, but he’d been my friend for a lot of years, and I was worried how this was going to change things.

He caught sight of me. “What happened? Couldn’t find shoes to match your handbag or something?”

Yeah, that’s the sort of thing I was afraid of. He had no idea how to be around women, or maybe it was me who didn’t know how to be around him. No reply I could think of would make things better.

“Something like that,” I said rather lamely. “Anyway, you said three. It’s hardly as if you’re the best timekeeper in the world.”

I couldn’t help it. It was kind of a Mitch thing to say and would result in us both laughing over it.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he snapped at me.

“Nothing, only weren’t you half an hour late once because you overslept?”

“That was one time. Why do you always fucking bring that up?”

Because we both found it kind of funny the last few times it came up. Because it was better than mentioning the five minutes late you’d been last time, or the ten minutes late you’d been the two times before that, or the time last week we’d missed that film because you’d been late again. Because going back to that one time was better than nagging him about all the other times. It was just Nick, and I’d accepted that about him, but I wasn’t going to take shit from him for being just two minutes late on the one time he got here early.

“Forget it, bro.” I hoped he would.

“So what do I call you now? I mean bro doesn’t fit, you don’t like dudette.”

“Would you if our positions were reversed?”

“Names would be the last thing I’d be worried about if our positions were reversed.”

“Same here. Sarah is fine, and I really don’t mind dude and bro. Sis if you have to.”

“Whatever. How the fuck did this happen? I mean I saw you yesterday morning outside that weird shop, and fuck, none of this shit.”

“And then I went in, and when I came out, all of this shit.”

“You’re saying this is some kind of weird voodoo curse or something?”

“I think voodoo has more to do with zombies, and I don’t really have a hankering for brains – which is probably as well given I probably couldn’t find yours.”

“Hey, not cool man. Woman.”

It would have been if I’d been ordinary old Mitch.”

“Yeah, but you’re not.”

“And it bothers you that much.”

“You’re saying it doesn’t bother you?”

“No. I actually kind of like it.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Hey, at least I can be your date to the summer fling.”

“Fuck no. It would have been funny if you were a dude and nobody else knew, but I’m not going with the chick everybody knew used to be a dude.”

Were Mum and Dad right about this guy?

“I thought we were friends.”

“Yeah we were, but this kind of makes it harder.”

“Why? I mean what’s changed, apart from my height, shape and gender?”

“Fuck!”

“I don’t think our relationship’s reached that level of intimacy, dude.”

“Fuck shit!”

“Definitely not reached that level.”

“Fucking stop it, will you?”

“Okay, but will you stop it too? You’re acting weird as hell. Sure, things are going to change between us, but for now I’m still the same person underneath all this. I mean, when we were texting yesterday evening, you didn’t figure anything was different, did you?”

“You mean you were...?”

“Short skirt and tights, lying on my bed trying to decide how to make my room look prettier.”

“Not the image I had, dude.”

“No, the reason being that I was the same person underneath, and I still am, so why the fuck do you have to be so weird about it?”

“Give me a break, dude. This is quite a shock.”

“Tell me about it. You’re just looking at the outside. Me, I’m dealing with it from the inside. The difference being that I’m dealing with it and you’re not.

“Nick, I didn’t ask for this, and I tried to deal with it as fairly as possible.”

“By getting one of your new girl friends to text me a picture of the new you.”

“No, by trying to arrange to meet up with you yesterday so you could see for yourself. By sending you a warning when my ’rents ended up dragging me along to church this morning. I didn’t ask Linda to send you the picture. I didn’t even fucking speak to her.

“Lastly by coming out to meet you now so this isn’t so freaky tomorrow at college, and to figure out how you want to handle it. If you need space, then we keep to ourselves tomorrow.”

“That’s hardly fair on you. I’m guessing you’ll be dealing with a whole lot of flack tomorrow, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. That wouldn’t be cool.”

“And there’s my friend. I knew you were in there somewhere.”

“Yeah, well generally I’m easier to find if you don’t fuck me about so much.”

“I’ll remember that the next time I decide to change species on you.”

“You’re telling me you’re not even human now?”

“Since when did you ever think girls were part of the human race?”

We were through the tunnel. There’d probably be rocks on the track ahead, but when wouldn’t there be in any friendship. The banter was back though, and the rest of the time we spent together felt not far from what we’d always had.

Not quite the same though. There was an underlying tension we could both feel. It would mean we’d need to renegotiate our friendship, and quite possibly the easiest way to do that would be to get him a girlfriend as soon as possible.

Maybe I could help once I was friends with a few.

We slouched around the park for a couple of hours, then my phone beeped. It was Dad wanting to know when I’d be home, which my girlgle translator interpreted as meaning, ‘I’m getting nervous. I want you home soon.’

“Dad’s being annoying and overprotective,” I said. “I’d better go.”

“This is the way things are going to be now, is it?”

I shrugged. “I’m guessing so, at least for a while.”

“Okay then. See you at college tomorrow. Jeans and a frumpy sweatshirt?”

“Since when did you ever use the word frumpy?”

His turn to shrug. “It seemed to fit.”

“Yeah, well I already tried that. I just look cute in a ‘girl in her boyfriend’s clothes’ kind of way. I was thinking go large or go home sort of thing.”

“So go home then?”

“I’m not turning into a hermit for anyone, Nick. Come prepared to drool.”

He shook his head and disappeared back towards his neighbourhood. I texted Dad that I was on my way home and settled into a relaxed walk, enjoying the scenery for a change.

#

Mr Giles’s car did nothing to raise my opinion of the man, or of the French automotive industry. Honestly, for a country that more or less single handedly brought fashion to the world, it had really shot itself in the arse when it came down to vehicular design. Peugeot was generally the exception to the rule, but even they had their dog days. The Peugeot 1007 for instance.

They had nothing on Citroen though, the rather beautiful irony being that the name meant lemon, and pretty much every car off the Citroen production line was one, at least in appearance. Giles’s DS was no exception. Okay its styling matched the nineteen sixties, but very much in a classic Citroen way. The insipid green – which looked like the original colour – finished off the look in as hideous a way as you can imagine. It was not a car I had any intention of being seen in dead or alive. Hell, I didn’t even want to be seen next to it.

I steeled myself and approached the passenger window, which he leaned across to wind down. I guess the sixties predated electricity.

“You actually chose to buy this?” I asked.

“What’s wrong with it? It’s a classic.”

“Yeah, so were Ugg boots, but I’m pretty sure anyone who values their rep would burn such monstrosities on sight.”

“Well, these aren’t Ugg boots,” He picked up a couple of pairs of shoes in my current size. The heels were a fair bit blockier than the spikes underneath, but they looked stylish enough. “If you kick something hard enough with the toe, the sheaths will spring off.”

“Two pairs?”

“One black pair, one beige. I’m told that between them, they’ll go with almost everything. I’ve been advised to sort out a grey pair and an off-white pair.”

“Ooh, Mr Giles has an advisor in girly matters.”

“Well, Miss Ephemeris if you must know. Hopefully these will do for now.”

“They are going to make my legs look so good.”

“Well, I am pleased. We aim to resolve the important issues.”

“Stuart, I told you sarcasm isn’t your thing.”

“Oh really. I thought I, I was rather good at it.”

“Well, thanks for the shoes. I’d better be getting back before Dad has a conniption.”

“You surprise me, Sarah. I wasn’t aware anyone in your generation knew what one of those was.”

“I think you’re wearing off on me.”

“Yes, well. Keep your mobile handy, just in case things go bad with the untethering. I’ll be trying to do it about midnight, I should think.”

“Ooh, the witching hour.”

“No. Well alright, yes. Magic does tend to work better at night. I’m just a bit of a night owl though, so it’s just the time my mind happens to be freshest.

“Please stay awake in case you’re needed.”

“Alright but let me know when you’re done. I need my beauty sleep.”

I changed into the black pair and practiced walking in them. Dancing was one thing but walking quite something else. It felt like I was balancing on the balls of my feet already, and shorter steps felt more natural. I wandered around the graveyard to get the feel of things and picked up a firsthand understanding of what he meant about fighting on soft ground, especially after I kicked a gravestone a couple of times to unsheath my weapons.

It was all together too easy to stick them in the ground and overbalance myself. I kept practicing until I had a sort of rhythmic dance that gave me access to most of the fighting moves I’d used. I might have done a little more if I hadn’t been interrupted by a flashlight.

“Who’s there?”

I made my way towards where I’d dropped my heel sheaths. It would have been easier if I’d been able to take my shoes off, but the straps were fiddly.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was trying to find a shortcut, but my stupid heels got stuck.”

One sheath picked up. There was no difference between left and right, so I slid it over a spike and tugged on it until it clicked into place.

The flashlight drew closer, showing me my other heel which I managed to press home a moment before its owner was in front of me.

“Not the sort of place a young lady on her own should be after dark,” he said.

I took a hold of his flashlight and shone it into his face. No uniform. Nobody official.

“You’re probably right. I should be getting home.”

“Let me walk with you.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m not that far.”

“It’s no trouble. If you prefer, I can hang back and follow you. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

“Oh, I’m safe, don’t mind me.”

“Okay, but I may just happen to be going the same way as you.”

I pointed in a direction roughly away from home.

“What a coincidence...”

I started walking homeward.

“...I was about to point that way before walking this. I’m David by the way. David Engel.

I gave him a once over. Head and shoulders taller than me with broad shoulders and a brooding look about his eyes. He smiled, but it felt like a practiced expression rather than anything genuine.

“Sarah,” I said. “Geller. I like your coat.” Long, leather, like Neo’s in The Matrix. All he was missing was the wraparound sunglasses, only who wears sunglasses at night?

“Thanks. I’d like to return the compliment and pick something of yours, but I’m spoilt for choice.”

“Seriously? Does that ever work?”

“Sometimes. I wasn’t really expecting anything this time, but I figured what the hell.”

“You live around here?”

“No. I’m new to the area.”

“What brings you?”

“I heard rumours of excitement.”

I laughed. “You heard about our traffic lights then?”

“What about them?”

“If you watch and wait long enough, the actually change colour.”

“I thought they all did that.”

“Yeah, well, if you’ve seen traffic lights change, you probably won’t find anything in our little village to excite you.”

“I don’t know. I just found something really exciting in one of the graveyards around here.”

“Points for persistence, and slightly better execution that time round. Anyway, this is my street. I hope you don’t mind, but I’d rather not show you which house.”

“I understand. Maybe I’ll see you around, Sarah.”

He turned and wandered off into the dark.

“Maybe you will, David,” I murmured under my breath.

It wasn’t my street, but there was a short alley through to it. It was unlit and I was just stepping into the shadows when some character in a black hoodie ran at me and grabbed my bag. The strap snapped, but I wasn’t about to let him get away. I spun around and swept his legs out from under him, then planted one of my shoes across his throat.

“That was my favourite handbag you just broke. How are you going to pay for it?”

“I don’t got no money, bitch. Why d’you think I was robbing you.”

I looked at the brand name on his trainers. Apparently, the reason he had no money was he spent it on designer gear.

“I’ll take those.”

“Aw man, not my kicks.”

“Call it a life lesson. For one, find something else to do other than robbery. You suck at it. And for two, don’t call the person who has a foot across your throat a bitch. Now take them off unless you want my other foot in your delicates.”

He took them off and handed them to me. I took them and my ruined bag and started walking away.

“Seriously though, dude,” I said, “in a few days you really won’t want to be out here after dark.”

The rest of my walk home was uneventful, except as I let myself in, I had a vague hint that maybe someone was watching from the shadows.

#

Needless to say, Mum and Dad were waiting up for me when I stepped through the door.

“Where the hell have you been?” Dad asked. “I don’t like you out there after dark, young lady.”

Needless to say, Mum spotted the shoes.

“Where did those come from?” she wanted to know.

The Spanish Inquisition has nothing on my parents.

“I went for a walk, Dad. It’s a lovely night and we live in a safe enough neighbourhood.”

“Some of the neighbours have been talking about a purse snatcher in the area. Oh, your handbag. How did that happen?”

“I got it caught on something.” Not a lie. The something happened to be our friendly neighbourhood purse snatcher.

“So, tell us about the shoes then,” Dad said.

“I ran into Mr Giles…

“I told you I didn’t want you seeing that man.”

“I know Dad, and I called him after lunch to tell him that. He just happened to spot me while I was out walking. The shoes are for me to practice with. He said I should wear them as much as possible, so I’m used to them when I practice my moves. I think he was planning to drop them in at the college tomorrow, but then he saw me walking. He asked me to apologise for him. He appreciates that you don’t want us meeting, but he didn’t think you’d mind his pausing to hand me these.”

“Yes, well. And the, er, what are those? They’re definitely too big for you, anyone can see that.”

“Yes, well, when Stuart gave me these, it reminded me I said I’d pick up a pair of trainers for Nick from one of his friends. I was going to take them with me tomorrow.”

“Yes, well. Perhaps you should get to bed since you have college tomorrow. I take it you finished your homework?”

“Yes Dad. I did that before I went out to see Nick this afternoon. Remember, that was part of our agreement, which I’m trying to keep.”

“Well, alright. Goodnight then, Sarah.”

“Night Dad. Would it be a bit weird if I gave you a kiss?”

“What? Yes! Well, maybe. Maybe not. Alright.”

I kissed him on the forehead. We’d work on the rest of it in time.

“Night Mum.” I didn’t need to ask her. She’d have been happy for a hug and a kiss goodnight from me is Mitchel or Sarah. I felt sorry for Dad with his hangups and was only glad I wasn’t caught up in that mess of repression and denial anymore.

Mum followed me upstairs to take me through all the creams and unctions of my nighttime routine, which meant I had to put on my nightdress and do the rest of my nighttime ablutions. The whole regime of goops was a lot more complicated than I was expecting, but I kind of got it towards the end. Mum followed me into my room to tuck me in and kiss me goodnight, which meant, by the time she was done, there didn’t seem much point getting dressed again on the off chance that Stuart messed up his spell.

Midnight was still more than half an hour away. Generally, I’m not a great one for reading, except for my college studies which were more of a chore than a pleasure, and I was pretty much up to date on my reading anyway, so instead, I picked up my phone, opened an incognito browser window a hunted around the internet, searching for anything that combined the terms vampire, portal, ley lines and greshnick. I wasn’t sure on the spelling of the last, so tried several variations, eventually finding myself in a place called the Dark Arts Web, where I logged in as a guest.

It looked like a chat forum for anyone interested in magic and seemed serious despite the passing reference to fictional wizardry.

Satana666: Shit going down in Summervale.

WikkaWannabe: Yeah, I heard someone summoned a greshnick

Lucifernal: No such thing

Satana666: Yeah, stay out of it Wannabe

Lucifernal: What you heard Satana?

Satana666: Disturbance in the ley lines. Feels like someone’s messing with them

Lucifernal: Sounds like something BlackMagicMan would do. Wanna fuck him up?

Satana666: Could be fun. Watcha got in mind?

Lucifernal: Ethereal disrupter?

Satana666: Kewl. I’ll get my candles.

Guest74679: No, you can’t

This was me. I mean, no PhD needed to figure out this was bad.

Satana666: Who’s the lurker?

Lucifernal: Don’t know. Wanna find out?

My phones camera turned on and my face appeared in an inset in the screen.

Satana666: Ooh, pretty. I want one.

WikkaWannabe: Logout quick!

Lucifernal: Do you think she’d look better with a wart on her nose?

Guest74679: Don’t let them mess with the spell

WIkkaWannabe: I won’t. GO!

I shut down the browser and dialled Mr Giles’s number

“You’ve reached the number for the Magic Box. I’m afraid I’m not available to take your call at present, but please leave your contact details after the beep and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

Beep. I mean, well duh.

“Stuart, if you’re screening, I just came across a chat forum where a couple of witches I suppose were talking about casting, what was it, ethereal disrupter I think to mess with someone called BlackMagicMan. If that’s you…”

“Oh no, you don’t get away that easily my pretty.”

I looked at my phone where the forum page was back again. My image was back on the screen, along with another less attractive one. To say goth look would have been unkind to goths. She didn’t seem to know where to stop. Spiky black hair, way too much kohl around the eyes, black lipstick and more piercings than you could shake a stick at.

I made a sort of eep sound pressed the power button on my phone. It took a few seconds before the shutdown options came up, then I had to force it to turn off despite the running apps. I dropped the phone on the bed in front of me.

My door opened a crack and Mum’s face appeared around the corner.

“Is everything alright, dear?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. Just Nick trying to be funny and failing.”

“Yes, well, put that thing away. You should be sleeping. Or do I need to take it off you?”

“No, no, it’s okay. See, it’s off.” I showed her the blank screen.

“Alright. Well, no more, okay?”

“Okay Mum. Night.”

She closed the door.

“Uh, uh, uuh,” my phone said. The screen was on and goth girl was back. “You know the harder you try and run away the worse it’ll be for you when we do fuck you up? Now how big do you want that wart to be?”

DateWithDestiny: Back off Lucerferna

“Oh fuck, the white hats are here. If I find you had anything to do with this Wannabe, you’re going to wish…”

Goth girl’s face disappeared from the screen.

SiteAdmin: Luciferna’s account has been suspended pending a review of conduct and resources misuse. Satana666 is under caution.

Satana666: Fuck! I didn’t do anything.

SiteAdmin: “Kewl. I’ll get my candles.” ???

Satana666: I was fucking joking!

My face disappeared from the screen.

DateWithDestiny: Guest user, all links between the guest account and your device have been removed. I suggest you log off and don’t come back here. You’re out of your depth in this place.

Guest74679: What about BlackMagicMan?

DateWithDestiny: We’re handling it. Go!

So maybe I did need telling more than once, but not more than twice. I logged out and force shut down my browser. My phone vibrated. I just about kept the eep in this time. The caller ID showed Mr Giles.

“What?” I whispered into the phone.

“The spell is cast, but it didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. The portal drifted across to the cemetery where we met earlier. I think you should head down there just to be sure.”

“Sarah?” Mum’s voice had a last nerve edge to it.

“Okay Mum, Sorry.”

“It’s important, Sarah, and, and rather urgent.” Mr Giles said into my ear.

“I know. I’m on it.”

I hung up and strapped into my shoes. The cemetery was a five-minute sprint away, assuming I could actually sprint in these shoes, I didn’t have the luxury of changing, and with Mum still on the prowl, I didn’t have the option of leaving through the front door either.

I made a crude body shape under the covers with my pillows, then climbed out the window. Hanging from the ledge, I pushed the window closed then dropped to the ground below. Dad was still watching TV but didn’t seem to notice the apparition in billowing white falling past the living room window.

Keeping low, I ran off towards the cemetery. The shoes were an added awkwardness, but I managed to keep a good pace all the way, slowing as the gates came in sight. I could hear sounds of fighting ahead, so changed my mind – women’s prerogative after all – and put on a last burst of speed, kicking the sheaths off my spikes as I entered the grounds.

A familiar figure stood in the middle of the graveyard, somehow holding his own against two vampires. They each had a hold of an arm and were attempting to pull him apart. Unsuccessfully for the time being it seemed.

I launched myself in a spinning flip that planted both my spikes in the back of the nearest vampire, turning him to dust before he could slow down my flight. I landed on the balls of my feet, as I’d been practicing, and swung into a roundhouse kick that took off the other one’s head, pulling my knee in close so I didn’t do the same to David.

“Interesting, er, shoes,” he said. “Thanks for the assist.”

“You shouldn’t be fighting these things,” I said. “You’re lucky they didn’t pull your arms off.”

“I’m tougher than you think. Nice to see you again. I wasn’t expecting you back so soon.”

“Yeah, well you know, just happened to be passing. Will you help me find the rest of my shoes.”

“What do you mean?”

I’d spotted one of the sheaths and danced over to collect it, slipping it over the sharpened hardwood and snapping it into place.

He found the other one and handed it across.

“Daring fashion statement,” he said as I slid that one on as well.

“I was in a bit of a hurry,” I said. “Just the two of them?”

“Three, but I took the other one out before those two jumped me.”

“Is that offer to walk me home still open?”

“Sure. What changed your mind about me?”

I nodded towards the piles of dust, now drifting off gently into the breeze. “Turns out we’re on the same side, though I’m not sure I should be encouraging you. There’s also something you can help me with when we get to the other end.”

He took off his coat and draped it over my shoulders, which was kind of gallant, except the hem was then dragging along the pavement.

“I’m grateful for the thought,” I said, “but I’ll ruin it. It’s not that cold a night and I should be fine.” Global warming and that. Definitely no snow expected this Christmas.

“I guess I’ll have to find a shorter coat for next time.”

“Don’t. That one looks good on you.”

“Okay. So, tell me, what brings you out wearing a pretty nightdress and those scary shoes?”

“Yeah, I was going to ask you the same thing, apart from the nightdress of course, and the scary shoes. Although your shoes are pretty scary too, in their own way...”

Shutup, shutup, shutup. What just happened to my capacity say anything sensible?

He laughed. “I was looking for somewhere to sleep when those three jumped me.”

“You don’t have anywhere to sleep tonight?”

“Yes, of course I do. I just don’t know where it is yet.”

“Oh, is it like Air BnB? You book the place and can’t find it when you get there?”

“Not really, no.”

“Because that would be a lot easier if they used What3Words, don’t you think? Sorry, what?”

“It’s not like Air BnB, but how come you were out in the cemetery dressed for bed.”

“Oh, that’s... kind of complicated.”

“I don’t need all the details. Just the highlights.”

“Someone I know untethered a portal from his basement at midnight and it didn’t go quite as planned. He asked me to check the cemetery in case something snuck through.”

“Okay, maybe I do need a few more details. Why would anyone untether a portal?”

“The guy with the portal in his basement was relying on me to keep down the things that come through it, but my parents aren’t that happy with me going to his place.”

“You?”

I pinned my arms by my side and relaxed my legs into the loose semi-chaos that is Irish Dancing. A couple of syncopated beats later, I dropped back into my normal walk before my heels snagged on my nightdress.

He gave an ah of recognition. “Into every generation…”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“He didn’t give you the slayer speech yet?”

“He mentioned something about me possibly being the slayer.”

“Only possibly? Usually it’s kind of obvious, like with the way you took out those two vamps just now. Why don’t your parents want you seeing him, other than the whole creepy older dude showing an interest in the innocent young girl thing, which I suppose is a fair reason.”

“Well, there is that, plus he may have inadvertently turned me into a girl.”

“I’m sorry, come again now?”

“I used to be a guy. In fact, as recently as Saturday morning. He called me into his shop – I mean you’re new here, so maybe you don’t know the weird black shop in the arcade…”

“I know of it, but you were saying.”

“Yeah. It started when I joined the try outs for the Irish Dancing squad at college. I didn’t make the team, because our dance teacher was only looking for girls, but she did say the guy from the shop might be interested in coaching me.

“On Saturday he stopped me as I was walking past his shop. He persuaded me to do a few practice routines with him, which then stretched into my encounter with a couple of vampires…”

“In at the deep end, eh?”

“Something like that. Anyway, by the time I’d finished the routine, I was halfway towards becoming this. I did another session with him later in the afternoon with my dad present for part of it…”

“Not the vampire killing part?”

“No, which was just as well because I ended up facing a, er, greshnick I think it’s called.”

“Yeah, I sensed one of them coming through. That’s quite a handful on a first encounter.”

“Second if the morning was my first.”

“How many vampires were with it?”

“I lost count. I’m thinking at least thirty, but once you get into the rhythm with them, they’re easy.”

“Never easy. I’ll admit they lack imagination, but they’re fast and strong enough to take advantage of any complacency. The moment you give them a fraction of an inch, you’re toast. Don’t forget that.”

“Fair point. All right, I won’t.”

“All that being said, you can clearly look after yourself. I’m a little curious why you want me to come along.”

“Oh, it’s not for protection. We’re here.” I pointed at my house. The downstairs light was off which meant this wouldn’t be quite such a stealth mission. “That’s my bedroom,” I pointed at my window. “Would you give me a boost so I can get back up to it.”

“Is that what I am to you? A stepping stool?”

“You offered to help. This is how I need help right now. If it’s too much to ask, I’ll figure out a way to scramble up there by myself.”

“No, it’s fine. Here.” He made a stirrup with his hands, lifting me as though I weighed nothing – which from his point of view I pretty much did. I mean, I was half the weight I’d started with – and heaven knows where all that weight had gone – and if his fight with the two vamps was anything to go by, he was faster and stronger than your average.

Standing on his outstretched hands, I was hip high to the windowsill. The window was pushed shut as I’d left it, so all it took was a healthy step up from my perch.

No, let’s try that again. Lift the hem of my nightie out the way and a healthy step up from my perch.

I dropped down silently into my room, waved him goodnight and pulled the window closed.

Apparently I wasn’t as silent as I’d thought. I could hear Mum’s gentle footsteps padding across the landing. I slipped under the covers with my shoes still on, rearranging the pillows as I did so. Completely buried in the duvet, I just about made out the sound of my door creaking open.

“Sarah?” Mum called quietly.

Make like a… what are those animals that play dead? American things. Look like a cross between a badger and a rat. You know the ones? Anyway, make like one of them.

I felt Mum’s hand rest gently on my shoulder through the duvet.

“Mmn?” I murmured, shifting a little but still pretending to be asleep.

Opossum! That’s the fella.

“Are you awake dear?”

“Mmmnoo.”

I felt her lips brush gently against my cheek, then she withdrew, the door closing with a gentle snick.

I kept still, listening, then heard her slippered footfalls recede gently. As quietly as I could, I unbuckled my shoes and lowered them to the floor. A quick glance at my phone told me it was one o’clock. I texted Stuart to tell him all was well then dived into Morpheus’ arms. Getting up in the morning was going to be my next challenge.