But when I opened the door and the woman in there turned around to look at me my mouth dropped open. I knew who she was, and all I could think is why does a massively famous Hollywood actress want to talk to me?

Leaving the meeting I was a very surprised, well, a very surprised young woman and it wasn't at all what I expected in so many varied ways. What she said gave a lot to think about and according to the agreement I had signed I wasn’t even allowed to talk it over with anyone apart from her, and she did want me to talk about it with her as what she was asking was huge. Like really huge!

This time the cab they got for me had a female driver and I was too distracted to engage with her on the way back, but when I was dropped off at the hospital she did say she hoped I was ok which was really nice.

“Thank you, I do appreciate that, and yes, I am ok.”

She gave me a big smile and said, “And I hope I’m not out of order for saying this, but I read the article about you and I think you make a very nice young woman. I hope things go well for you.”

Well, she got a big tip from me for that.

The next week was more of the same, but on the Friday Penny came to visit and I said she could bring Evie, and lets just say that was a whirlwind of activity. Despite being older than her, I’m now physically smaller than her, and technically almost the same age. She ran in and gave me a big hug and we fell back not he bed as I struggled to understand what she was saying as she talked to me. Everything was coming out so quickly from her mouth, but from what I understand she hadn't told anyone anything about me, and that while everyone talked about me at her school, it soon stopped. Basically, she was overexcited to see me, not just as a new girl, but as she had missed me.

And then she said, “Oh, we need to follow each other on TikTok.”

I had heard of it, but never used it myself, but she helped me set up an account, right after setting up a new email in my new name and she said she would make some videos that will help me, especially with my clothes as she could tell that her mum had been helping me.

She was an absolute breath of fresh air and made me feel, well, accepted. She arranged to go shopping with me as soon as I released from here and to introduce me to her friends, but I said no to that part. While I loved the idea of her being my guide, there was still a part of me that felt, well, weird with the idea of hanging out with a bunch of young girls, and in a sign of either her maturity or the amazing job Penny is doing in raising her, she understood it instantly.

We hung out in my room and I told them both that while I was being released, I was also becoming an outpatient but first I was being whisked away by the magazine for another interview or something for a few days and they wouldn't tell me where. For some reason they were worried about someone else trying to talk me and stealing their exclusive.

The next day I was allowed out again and I decided to do some shopping as Evie uploaded her wearing loads of different outfits, clearly in an attempt to make me buy some better clothes and I liked the video and left a comment saying there were some good tips in it. Walking around the store in leggings felt quite nice and no one seemed to bother me very much which was a massive bonus. Either they were ignoring me or had forgotten all about the freak I sometimes thought of myself as. I had my list of things to look for thanks to Evie and she had texted me after I commented on her upload that I should try and get three complete outfits, but not to try and get the exact same that I needed to try and find the things that I like while I work out my own style.

It’s funny really, but the only thing I managed to find that I liked was a pair of jeans, surprised at how they fit me now I have a lot less down there. While thinking about my lack of shopping success (although Penny later told me it was a success as I tried on a lot of things and rejected most of it), I was sitting in starbucks having a coffee and I saw two guys in their early twenties, and well, I could feel some of the things that Lou had warned me about. The warmth I could feel down there was due to them and a lady boner is a bit of a nightmare, maybe worse than sitting here in shorts as a man with an obvious erection.

But I’m not quite ready to delve into those thoughts just yet, even if Rose wants me to talk about it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that happened in my line of work - her words - that I need to overcome but I’m not ready. As Lou said about it, I’m now a growing girl and she struggled with it as well.

Back in hospital I was very excited to finally be ending my stay here and was told on the final day that I was now about 13 years of age. I packed up my little suitcase, the type you would put in the overhead on a plane that Penny picked up for me, gave Graham a hug and walked out to the car the magazine had sent for me. The windows were blacked out, they had even pulled the curtains shut and made it so I couldn't see where I was going.

So I took my phone out and looked at the map as I was curious. I spent three days in a quite nice hotel and asked not to leave my room while the press went looking for me and hoped to get a photo of me outside my flat, but thankfully they got bored and left on the third day and I was finally allowed to go home. That was all very cloak and dagger and I really didn’t see the point in it to be honest, it’s not like I can hide forever. The journey home was funny really, and I almost treated it like a game, but they were so serious about the whole thing. I was back in the blacked out car and then transferred to a taxi which took me to a train station. Then we crossed the foot bridge to go out the other side to another taxi, all timed with two trains in the station in case we were being followed. Then we did it again at another station and finally I got a cab to take me home.

I opened the door and Penny and Evie were waiting for me, and the three of us had a mini party, in that they put up a banner and restocked my fridge and we had some cake. Evie was upset that I was drinking a beer, saying to her mum, “How come she’s allowed to drink and I’m not!”

I tried not to laugh as she was reminded that while we both look the same age, we’re not, but decided that in future I will never drink in front of her, well, at least until she’s allowed to anyway.

They went home after a couple of hours and for the first time in weeks I was truly alone. I stuck the tv on, went and had a shower and just sat there in a pair of leggings and tee shirt while I switched off my brain and just let myself fall asleep on the sofa.

When I woke up I was annoyed with myself. This is what I used to do and as Lou said I’ve been given an opportunity that while I might not want it, it is an opportunity and one for me to grab or just ignore. I sent her a text saying I was home now and had no idea what to do, and she rang me. I had woken her up as it was 2am in LA but it was ok, she was here for me and she went out to sit on her balcony while we chatted for hours.

The next day was a Thursday and I got a nice surprise in the post, a new driving license and passport in my new name, so I sent a text to Lou’s solicitor to thank him for sorting it, and he rang me a few minutes later for a chat and to share some unwelcome news. He told me that while the money has now been transferred into my account, I need to deal with all the tax stuff and he worked out what I will owe HMRC and that I need to put that someone so that I don’t spend it. It was a bit of a downer as it massively changed my plans and how long I could survive without getting a job, but he was really insistent on this as I wouldn’t get away it like I thought I would.

So on my first full weekend out of hospital I started looking for a job.

My CV is a bit light really and with barely any qualifications apart from driving I had no idea what I could do, so I rang my old boss for a chat. He said, “Well, to be honest driving is out, you’re too small and will get stopped by the police all the time, or the customers will complain about the use of child labour. Sorry.”

I was starting to feel all depressed about the whole thing again, there was so much I needed to buy such as a whole new wardrobe, make up, haircare products and so much more according to the list from both Penny and Evie, I was starting to think that maybe I will only have enough money for a year at best and now my old boss is basically telling me I’m screwed.

He said, “Look, let me make some calls and see what I can do but I’m not going to make any promises.”

It was better than nothing, but didn’t fill me with a lot of confidence going into the weekend as I sent off a load of emails looking for a job. On Monday I had to go the hospital for the first of my weekly check ups and then in the afternoon I was on Skype with Rose for my weekly therapy session. She didn’t have any answers for me either and got the problem I faced. I really didn’t want to blow through my money and end up needing to go on the dole, but all she could suggest is I keep trying.

I said, “I know, I just find it really frustrating that even though I have my license back I won’t be able to get a job as a driver.”

And then my phone rang, and I saw it was my old boss. I muted the Skype call and answered it quickly to say I will call him back then went back to Rose, saying, “I’ve got an interview. My old boss spoke to someone who’s looking for, and these are his words, ‘an office girl at their transport firm’, and he put my name forward. It’s tomorrow.”

She was obviously pleased, and the moment the call ended I rushed round to see Penny as I needed some urgent help. What the hell do I wear to an interview!

The next day in a borrowed blouse from Penny and one of Evie’s skirts I set off for my interview.

In the evening Penny came round to see me and she found me drunk on the sofa. I not only didn’t get the job, they specifically said I look too young and ‘lets face it, none of the drivers will take anything seriously when I give them their next job’.

I’m not proud of it, but I basically ran out the interview as I had started to cry, I mean, I wore this as I thought it was the type of thing they wanted to see, but all they could see was a young teen girl and not the 32 year HGV1 driver stuck in this body.

They just didn’t care.

Penny arranged for a neighbour of hers to look after Evie that evening and she sat with me talking and not letting me drink anymore, holding my hair as I was sick in the toilet and helping me clean up and put me to bed. I said, “I love you so much, I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now.”

She kissed the top of my head and said she would come round in the morning as she didn't have any appointments, but I’m used to heavy drinking and early mornings so I was there just as Evie left for school who rolled her eyes at what I was wearing and told me to do better next time as I gave her a hug, I thought I looked ok.

Once tea was made I sat on her sofa and she said, “Look, if money becomes a problem you can move into here.”

“No, I don’t think that will be problem, at least not just yet, but I wanted to say thank you for looking after me last night.”

She smiled at me and said, “Seriously, you are never a problem for me and what you’re dealing with right now is a pretty shit thing. You know you came up in a meeting yesterday and they asked my advice. They were talking about if you needed a social worker and I made it clear that you have a very large support group across two continents, and no one there talks to you without going through me.”

I felt ashamed really, she’s still looking out for me after all these years and I mouthed ‘thank you’ to her.

I wasn’t sure if I could talk to her about this though, it had been on my mind since I came out of hospital but I trusted her opinion and even with the NDA I had signed, I needed to talk it over with someone I trust, someone who understands me. But I won’t tell her who asked me to sign the NDA, after all, I guess I need to follow some of the rules.

“Well, there is another offer I’ve received.”

And I told her everything.

She was surprised, but given what has just happened understood why I was seriously thinking about it, I mean, all it took was one bad experience and something that was abstract was suddenly feeling like a very good option.

I thought about it all that day, finally thinking it was a good option so I sent a text, followed by a phone call that lasted about an hour while all the details were being sorted and an agreement was made. So now, here I am on a train to London to do something either very stupid or very worthwhile. I won’t say she supported my decision, but she did say she will support me and at least now I have someone to talk to about it.