I've been thinking a lot about my relationship with my brother.
I think I can finally admit I've been jealous of him pretty much my whole life.
As a kid, I wanted to be able to catch up to him in school, to be competitive with him at ping pong, or play the guitar like he did.
And even when we became adults I always felt like I was not as good as him. He managed to overcome his issues and succeed at college, and get a good job as a programmer, while I failed three times to get a higher education and barely managed to get a certificate as a Nurse's Aide.
And the comparison is even worse in terms of our personal lives - he's managed to be with the same woman for more than three decades, while I blew up my marriage and will end my life alone.
I even struggle to call him, because I feel like I'm a burden, that he has spent enough time having to look after me.
All of this is not pretty, but its truth.
Comments
It's happened at least twice, last century ...
... that a promising musician/composer has gone to a current Master, asking to be taught ...
Both were turned down with the comment "I could teach you to be a second-rate 'me.' But why?, when you can be a first-rate 'you'."
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https://imgur.com/a/pJJBR
https://www.reddit.com/r/classicalmusic/comments/5oapgg/til_...
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So.
Why be a second-rate { Sorry!!! } version of your brother? (Which is what you are currently 'moaning' about.)
Be a first-rate version of =you=.
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It is =you= writing here, and giving me pretty reliable "happy sniffles" - not your brother ...
It is =your= FB that page I look in on, not your brother's ...
It's =you=, not your brother, where I'm willing to 'dig' a bit (ex: above) in order to reply ...
It's your life to live - not his.
Don't be like the trope-y "Sweet (but dumb) Young Lady" in campy horror movies, who always keeps looking behind ... which of course allows the Bad Thing to catch her.