I remember watching the movie Moonstruck starring Nicholas Cage and Cher in 1987 when it first was released, probably by streaming. It remains a very good movie. And a key part of the plot is when after an over-night fling Ronny (Nicholas Cage) promises to never bother Loretta (Cher) again if she attends a performance of La bohème at the Met with him. Loretta is deeply moved by the opera and eventually breaks up with Johnny (Danny Aiello) and accepts Ronny’s proposal.

So that is something of a benchmark for me in terms of an emotional response to an opera which is largely musical and often in a language I don’t understand that well. My actual experience with opera consists mostly of listening to the Met radio broadcasts although I have seen a few actual live performances. The last one I saw with my wife before she died was Tosca at the Santa Fe Opera. So when I had the chance to enjoy the same opera on her birthday(!) last summer, I couldn’t resist. It was an enjoyable, affirming and cathartic experience. It certainly helped that the waiter at the Indian restaurant where I dined beforehand was attentive and wished he could attend the opera too!

At that time I had been on estradiol for about three months. It was changing my emotional responses to a lot of things although not really in an overwhelming way. And I remember enjoying this performance of Tosca much more. (The singing was better too.)

But now I’ve been on estradiol for over a year and the emotions are getting stronger. So I decided to go to a performance of Bizet’s Carmen performed in Spanish(!) at the National Hispanic Cultural Center. It was an exceptional performance with great singing, costumes and staging. And I walked out of the theater on an emotional high which still comes back to me two days later as I write about this.

I have loved music for a long time. But I have become much more aware of how it bypasses the reasoning centers and can speak directly to the emotions.

And so, getting to experience it directly has become an important part of my transition.