The next couple of weeks of school were ok, but I was plagued with regret. I don’t regret using my body and femininity to protect Tom, even letting my body be used to do so, but I think the threesome was a bad idea. I wasn’t ready to do something like that, and I know I only did it as he said he kinda liked watching, but me, as a growing woman, well, that’s a different thing. I am glad it happened, I enjoyed parts of it, but I don’t think it would have been my choice, or at least, not at that time in my development. I suspect I’m not alone in this and many other girls do similar things, but my connection with the other girls at school wasn’t at the point where I felt comfortable enough to share that I was spit roasted.

Anyway, I had a good chat with Tom about it. He is such a gentleman that he didn’t just apologise for it, he thought he had pressured me into it and I hugged him so hard I thought I would hurt myself as I apologised for making him even think that. We’re a couple of dummies really, both trying to keep the other happy in a very messed up situation. My school uniform aside, we are adults and both know we should have talked about it before we let something like that happen.

When I finally opened up to Annette about it, she was cross with me, and I felt awful. It reminded me of those times when I was a kid, well, I kinda am right now, and she pointed out that I was in the development stages of being a new person, and the whole point of being at school was to help me develop. She knew about Tom, but was worried that I was still a bit fixated on him and needed to be a girl more.

I said, “I don’t think I can give him up, not completely.”

She smiled at me and handed me a box of tissues, just seconds before the tears broke. But she made me feel better, telling me that I don’t need to give him up, I just need to remember who I am right now. She also talked about the concerns she had about my English Lit teacher, but I reassured her that I have scared him from looking at any girl, ‘Besides, he did think I was an adult at first.’

But today, today I am getting ready for a school trip and as I don’t need to wear a uniform for it I am struggling to pick what to wear. Jane helped me, as she wasn’t sure my original idea of jeans and tee shirt was a good choice for the day, picking some things that were a lot lighter in colour. I left my jacket on the bus when we went in as I didn’t want to drag it around with me as we walked around the art gallery. I am pleased to report that I didn’t see anyone I had worked with there, although to be honest that wasn’t likely. My employees did most of that, I was just involved with the contract negotiations and final sign off, but a part of me was hoping to see some record of that work still in existence.

I wasn’t in the mood to walk around with a load of girls today, I’m still struggling to connect with them, the whole mental age difference and lack of things in common on an emotional level seemed to create too many barriers. I just don’t feel like they are my peers. With John it was different, maybe due to how I met him on that first day and knowing what it was like for him, or maybe it was our shared love of pop culture, not that I could tell him that I lived through a lot of the things we both loved.

I had been struggling to think of what to get him for his birthday yesterday, trying to work out what other kids buy for each other as I really didn’t want to spend a fortune and it look weird, but in the end I didn’t buy him anything, but took something from a box in my unused garage, a classic Star Wars poster that had been singed by a couple of the cast I had picked up on my travels at a convention in the states. Not the big names, just some of the others who were in it, and he loved it.

I’m really not sure I would have survived being at school without him, so I’m not sure if it was enough to say thanks to him. When we were dropped off at school I got him to ask his parents if he could come to mine for something to eat, and they said yes. They were a little strict on him sometimes, but it was only to make sure he focused on his schoolwork, and I completely got that. Anyway, we ordered in pizza and chatted away with Jane passing through the kitchen every now and then, and I said, “Your birthday, I think there’s something else I want to give you.”

John said, “Why, the poster is awesome! Did you know it was an original from when it was first released in America?”

I didn’t actually, I just liked it and had the money to buy it and a blank wall to fill. I shrugged and said, “That’s ok, but I still want to give you something.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t even know what I want to give you, you might like it.”

It was his turn to shrug, saying “What it is?”

I blushed and said, “Me.”

I was guessing he was a virgin, and with his nerves the first time will be awful and he might even get chewed up and spat out by his first girlfriend. I’m really hoping this will help him, plus, I wanted to do this with him. It would be nice to do it with someone my physical age I actually like. He sat there looking at me, trying to work out what I was saying and he was about to ask a question, so I nodded and said, “Yes, that’s what I’m offering. You don’t have to collect your gift now, but I want you to know I’m here and ready to deliver it whenever you want it.”

Now he was blushing and sneaking some looks at me, so I explained the conditions around it, specifically that this is two friends who will have sex over a particular period of times, however many times he wants with that period, but that will be the end of it. Afterwards we will remain friends and nothing more.

He was quiet for a while after that, and we just sat there eating pizza and when he headed home he said he will see me the next day. Later that evening I got a text from him that just said ‘for real’. I almost sent a nude to him to prove it, but remembered that while he is now 16 and above the age of consent, he is still below the legal age of 18 that allows him to see that sort of content and I really don’t want to be arrested.

I replied with ‘yes’, but heard nothing else from him that night.

The next day when I arrived at school, he came over to say hello and asked me what I was doing on Saturday, blushing to his core so it’s pretty clear what he is asking me, so I said I was free all day. So on Saturday at 10am he knocked on my door and Jane let him in, saying I was in my bedroom. He came up to the attic room and left the door open, he has to do that when I visit him, so I told him to close the door and join me. We sat on the bed and he was clearly nervous, so it was up to me to relax him. I stood up and took off my tee shirt dress then sat back down completely naked, looked at him and said, “Your turn.”

He was nervous and a bit fumbling as he undressed, finally getting down to his underwear and to save him any further embarrassment, I climbed into bed and held up the duvet to invite him in. Once under the covers I suggested he take off his underwear, and turned on my side to face him, hoping he would do the same as I said, “We can stay here like this as long as you want.”

I took his hand and held it as he turned to face me, and just talked to him, waiting for him to begin to relax, and before long we were talking and laughing like always. When I thought he was ready I said, “You know, men are always looking at women, so I think it’s my turn.”

I started to slowly pull down the duvet, and before long his chest was exposed along with my breasts. He looked at them of course, but then our stomachs were exposed, the lower part of our stomachs and as I started to pull it a bit lower, he stopped me, saying, “It’s ok for you girls, it’s not obvious when you’re turned on.”

I said, “Trust me, if you know what to look for it’s pretty obvious. Pay attention.”

And I kept pulling to down till I needed to use my legs to kick it slowly off the bed.

He left to go home around 6pm as he was doing something with his parents and I made him take a shower before leaving. I will say it was a reasonably enjoyable day for me, but I would say for him it was very enjoyable. The last time I let him be inside me without a condom, but I thought for the first few times he needed to know how to use one properly, explaining that I was on birth control - which surprised him - but I wanted to be sure that in the future he does everything right, teaching him how to be a good lover.

I won’t share the details, but I will say that teen boys have a lot of energy with a short recovery time, so the first hour was three times, each getting longer in duration, then three more times after that. It did help with his nerves around girls, becoming a bit better at talking to them. I think I helped him get over the worst part of waiting and hoping it would happen, now I just need to hope that next time he doesn't get hurt, and I’m pleased he never once shared with anyone what happened between us.

And we never did it again.

But…

I guess I should talk about sixth formers. I can’t say they are great in bed, but I can say that over the next couple of months I had a few more dates with a few of them, and yes, I slept with some which was probably all part of me working through what happened with the English Lit teacher. I was always honest with Tom about it, and he was honest with me about his dates. It’s strange laying in bed with your boyfriend who you only really get to spend time with once a month, talking about the dates you’ve been on, covering every single detail with them. We’d had a couples therapy session with Annette, and it was one of the things we talked about during it.

Her advice, not to mention Tom’s, was that I needed to grow as a woman, my advice to him was to have dates to help with the fact that I was on them as well. But as we wanted to be together, the only way to get through it was brutal honesty. Sometimes it was tough on both of us, but it was like there were two versions of us. The school girl version of me, and the teacher version of him. Those two knew each other, but the two people here in bed talking right now, were the ones who matter and while one day they will both be the same people, right now, we just have to accept it. But my fear of losing him never went away, so I focused on one day losing my teacher, and then on getting my friend and my lover back, assuming I stay the same person of course.

Christmas came and went, a lonely affair for me as Jane was with her Family and Tom went to his, but I was glad that Jane had got me plenty of wine and cigarettes to keep me going. The new term started and now things got really crazy at school and I had some decisions to make, I was allowed to stay to the end, and Mr Giles gave me the option of taking some GCSEs as I had put the work in, or I could drop out when the exams started.

Strangely, I wanted to do them, partly to test myself, and also to give me the opportunity to put an end to this part of my life. I was now only going to the hospital once a month for checks and examinations, and they said I was developing quite normally, growing up as would be expected and they wanted to publish a paper about what happened to me. I got them to agree to a few things such as not to give too much detail on the changes to my physical appearance - they said they wouldn’t - and also when they would submit it. I wanted to be out of the country when it happened, so that was when I was going to go on holiday.

I talked it over with Tom, and he wanted to come with me, our first real couples holiday, so I got him to book the time from work and let me do everything else. I had something to look forward to beyond my exams.

And the exams were a nightmare! I had done the work, but wasn’t particularly worried about the outcome as unlike my friends, it had no meaning or impact on my immediate future, but I really felt for the others. John was doing nine in total, and horrendously stressed over it, not quite understanding why I seemed so relaxed. It’s not like I could tell him that as he was doing A Levels these result were meaningless, and the next exams will be a year after he leaves and starts doing something else.

Once they were done though, everyone relaxed and it was prom night, which I wasn’t really wasn’t sure about. In my days there would be school disco’s, a chance to sneak in some beer, but this was a new thing for me. I went shopping for a dress, and of course there was the issue about being asked to go with someone. At first I was hoping that John would ask me, but he asked another girl, and one of the other kids in my year asked me. My biggest concern then was his age, but thankfully he was old enough for me not to worry.

I rented a limo to pick up John and his date, then it picked up me and mine and it was a weird evening and another new experience for me. We had our photos taken, held hands, danced, chatted and walked around the school in groups. Sometimes a couple would break away, and then my date gently pulled me in one direction and I decided to follow so I didn’t spoil it for him. He was an okay kisser and I got fingered while giving him a hand job. He was very excited about that and it only just missed my dress, making me furious at him.

I saw Tom as I walked back into the hall, and gave him a smile. He took his phone out his pocket and seconds later I felt mine vibrate as he told me I looked beautiful.

I love that man so much.

I got a cab home by myself, and sent him a text saying to come here and ravish me when he manages to leave, and my doorbell went the moment I hit send. I really hope it’s not my date hoping for more after I abandoned him, but when I opened it Tom was there, holding a bunch of roses and asked me if I wanted to dance.

Jane came home an hour later to find us in the living room slow dancing to some romantic music, giving me a smile and leaving us alone. Waking up in my bed with my boyfriend was amazing and I highly recommend it, especially when you get to do it for a whole week in a row.

After our week just being together, we got up early to go the airport. Tom had kept asking if he would need a visa, but I kept reassuring him there was nothing to worry about as we arrived at Heathrow and checked in. He was really surprised when we headed to the first class lounge and then I showed him his ticket. We were going to Florida to Disney World as I was quite sure none of the class were likely to be there.

We stayed in one of the big resort hotels and I spoiled him rotten for putting up with me and all my shenanigans at school, and that I knew he was lying about those dates he went on and how well they went. And while we were there I told him about the plans Annette had suggested and that I was going to be going away for four months on an exchange programme.

He said, “I know, she told me about it before she spoke to you. You need to be away from me while you continue growing into the amazing woman you’re becoming. Right now I’m a reminder of who you were, and you still need to find out who you are. I like you and I love you. I can wait.”

Well, I spoiled him a lot more after that.