Toni’s met Tim again, and been introduced to his friend. And all the rest, Natasha, Sally and Jess, have met Tim and Tim’s friend Mouse. No alarm bells are ringing for anyone and it’s all been a lot of fun. In fact Tim has been quite sweet, with him and Toni exchanging kisses, and Mouse has even bought a table-load of food, after being very picky about his sandwich.

Now it’s back to Tim and Mouse’s apartment, where Mouse says he’ll cook them dinner if they stick around. But does Toni really know what to expect? Going back to the man you’re kissing’s apartment, even if he’s apologised for being too forward? And it might not have occurred to Toni, so doll-eyed is she, but the others are really more interested in why Mouse is called Mouse, and what his deal with food is, rather than the two sickening lovebirds making googly eyes at each other.

-----------------------

We’re all walking towards the front of the Light Avenue, Sally and Mouse, Jess and Natasha, me and Tim, on our way to Mouse and Tim’s apartment. I don’t know what I feel apart from excitement, and even then I’m not sure why. At college I’d often end up in random places, and that wasn’t that long ago.

As we get towards the front of the bar I realise something. “Tim, do you mind if I invite Jackson back? Tell him to come after his shift ends?”

Tim seems unperturbed and says, “No, of course not. If it makes you happy.” Then stops walking, waiting, while the rest of them leave through the front doors.

I’m quickly up at the bar counter where Jackson is pouring some beers. “Jackson?” I say.

“You leaving me?” Jackson asks.

“After you finish your shift do you want to come join us? We’re all going to Tim and Mouse’s place. It’s close by, they say.”

“Oh, no way,” Jackson says. “I’d be incredibly jealous and might do something silly.”

I gasp at that, then realise he’s only joking, I think. “You had your chance with me, Jackson!”

“I’d be jealous of you, Toni,” Jackson says. “Literally everything in my power to get him to take me to his bedroom. Anyway, he’s too hot. There’s something wrong with him, guaranteed. Small dick, I’m guessing,” Jackson says, while the people I think he’s pouring the beers for stand silently, waiting.

“Bigger than yours,” I say.

“That cuts! But no, I have plans. Thanks for asking, though. Just remember, bedrooms don’t tend to be soundproofed.”

“Why is it always about sex?” I ask, mostly to myself.

“Yeah,” Jackson says. “Why?” And he laughs, walking away but not without telling me to have fun.

I walk back to Tim and we leave Light Avenue, with the rest off them a little ahead of us, and I’m wondering why it is always about sex. Sure, Tim is hot, but I like him for more reasons than that. He took me shopping, and was sweet. He’s kind and polite. He’s nice to me, and my friends.

“Let me take your bags,” he says, literally taking them out of my grip and transferring them to his other hand before he bends down to me and gives me a quick kiss. So, yeah, maybe it is a little bit about sex.

I take a deep breath and reach my now free hand towards his, where he needs absolutely no prompting and takes it in his. And this is it. I’m holding hands with a boy, while wearing a dress, going back to his place, after he just kissed me in public. Like, not in an LGBTQ+ bar. This is a kind of woman and a 100% man being, I don’t know, couple-y. We’re not a couple, of course, but could we be? Could I have a boyfriend? Do I want a boyfriend? It’s wrong to think that, I tell myself. We’re just holding hands. I’ve been at this a week.

We keep walking until we meet the rest of them standing on a corner, waiting for a crossing light. “We’re here,” Mouse says, as we all cross the street, before he turns to enter a building with no security code on the door but a massive lobby. And a man in uniform behind the desk!

“Enjoyable lunch, gentlemen?” the man in uniform asks.

“Yes, thanks Dave,” Mouse says. “We’re having some guests back. If we’re too loud just phone and we’ll keep it down.”

Sally turns to look at me, eyes popping out of her head and her mouth wide open while, yes, my chest feels like it's collapsed.

“If anyone complains I’ll gently remind them of all the times over the years you two have never complained about them. You rarely have a group of people. Enjoy yourselves,” the man says. Then he says, “Tim,” while nodding at him.

We all pile into an elevator in silence. Tim and Mouse because they’re just going home, and the rest of us because this is one of the fanciest buildings we’ve ever been in, certainly for me.

We eventually get to an apartment, with a hallway leading to a big room with three couches, a few armchairs, a big-ish TV against the wall, bookshelves against another wall, coffee tables in front of the couches and doors leading off the room along with another hallway, and a glassed off area with blinds that seems to lead to a pseudo-balcony. There’s no nooks and crannies off the living room. No tiny kitchen, like mine, just off to the side. It’s not open plan where it’d be cheaper not to build walls and give the illusion of space in a cramped apartment. It is the home of someone quite, or very, or extremely wealthy.

“You’re rich!” Sally says.

“We’re not,” Mouse says.

“Yeah, this is social housing if I ever saw it.”

“My brother is richer than you can imagine, me and Tim are not. He rents it to Tim, for a good price, on the condition we look after it and he can stay here whenever he has business in town.”

Sally laughs, and it’s her ‘I don’t believe this’ laugh. “Can you introduce me to him?” she asks.

“He’s married, and has kids. And he’s very happy. Now, do you want something to drink?” Mouse says.

“Champagne, and some caviar,” Sally says.

“I’ll bring in beers for everyone, for now,” Mouse says. “Go on, sit down.”

Tim takes all our coats, puts my bags in a corner then leaves, and we all sit down, just looking at each other. Sally is on one couch with Natasha at the other end. Jess is in an armchair and I’m on another couch. Most of us are facing the TV, which appears to be attached to a sound system. No-one is saying anything, we’re not even looking at each other any more when Sally says, “Way to go, Toni!” While the others nod.

Tim comes back helping Mouse carry some beers and they hand them out, twisting them open. Tim gives one to me then sits on the opposite end of the couch I’m on, space between us. Everyone is sitting in silence.

“Can I smoke on the balcony?” Natasha asks.

“In here or on the balcony,” Mouse says. “In fact I’m going to smoke in here, right now.”

“Come on, Toni, let’s go look.” She stands, walks to the sliding door, sliding it back, then waits for me to go through. My mind is completely empty, not in the at-ease way Steve talked to me about, more in the frozen way.

Natasha pushes me fully outside, and it isn’t really a balcony, it’s flush with the building’s exterior so it’s more a sun lounge, with an amazing view over the city.

There’s some beanbags out here, wooden flooring, and wicker seats, including a wicker love-seat with cute cushioning on it, and a table with an ashtray on it before the love seat. At one end of the area is another table, probably for eating, for four people with some metal but not too fancy seats around it.

Natasha places me into the love seat, then sits down next to me and is taking some things from her purse, laying them up on the table.

“Do you smoke weed, Toni?” she asks.

“Not really,” I say.

“Will you? I have some Dad weed, it might relax you. It will help.”

“Dad weed?” I ask.

“Weak,” she says. “It won’t blow your mind, or anything near it. I think it might help.”

“Help?” I say.

“Yeah, exactly with that.” And she’s already pulled something small and pre-rolled and stuck it into my mouth with a lighter in front of it. I draw on the flame, inhaling, and it’s fine. It tastes like weed, but I don’t choke on it or anything.

She takes another pre-rolled joint from another container and is lighting it for herself. She draws deeply, inhales, holds it, then lets out a thin cloud of smoke. She takes a sniff and says, “Are you ready for this?”

“The weed?” I ask.

“You’ve never been with a man, have you?”

“No...” I say, feeling ashamed.

“Women?” she asks.

“Not really,” I say.

“Do you want to be with Tim?” she asks.

I stay silent for a while, and there’s really no pressure on me. Natasha is just smoking, looking at the view. I don’t have to say this but I want to, “Yes. I think I do want me and him... But—”

Natasha interrupts me. “He likes you. That’s obvious. Being trans is not an issue. That is not the problem. The only problem is you not accepting it. Not accepting you and him.”

I feel myself sinking into the chair. I sit and wait, while Natasha keeps smoking. “What do we do though?” I ask.

“You finish what you’re smoking, then you go in and sit down next to him. Then you do what you want. What you want! No doubts, no hesitancy, no ‘Oh but I’m not really..!’ You are extraordinarily lucky.”

Yeah, I say. Or I don’t think I actually said it. I think the word was just in my head. The ‘Yeah.’ I am lucky. It’s really loud inside me. Like it was on a billboard in neon in my mind. “Do you want to finish this?” I ask, holding out what I’m smoking.

“No, just put it down.” And I do, then I stand, slide back the door and walk into the living room. I navigate my way towards where Tim is sitting and put myself next to him, where he’d sat himself away from me before. I don’t even notice it but somehow his arm is around me. I’m thinking of what Natasha was saying, about how I’m lucky, but I’m also kissing Tim, I have no clue how it happened. I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m kissing him. Or how he’s kissing me. We just are. And people are talking around us. It was silent, I think, but now there’s conversation.

And we’re kissing. I’m breathing with Tim. Our mouths are joined and we’re with each other. There’s no need for anything else. It’s not even boring, or a chore, like it was when I kissed girls before, just something to do. Something I had to do before, to be a man. This is real. Now I understand it. My hand goes under his t-shirt and I feel the hair leading up to his bellybutton and I want to kiss there too. I want my mouth everywhere.

My fingers creep towards his belt. “Oh this is disgusting!” Sally roars.

Tim stops kissing me and laughs. “I’m sorry I think she’s sex incarnate,” Tim says to Sally. But I wish they’d just shut up and me and Tim could get on with things. And I’m sitting, just looking at him, imagining...

“Give her the tour,” Natasha says. “Show her everything.”

“OK,” Tim says, then stands, with my hand in his grip and pulls me out of the seat. “Let me show you the apartment, Toni,” Tim says.

“I don’t want to see—” but a groan from literally everyone but Tim shuts me up.

He leads me away, passing closed doors, not giving me a tour at all. “Why are you...” And he opens a door to large bedroom, neat-ish but with some clothes scattered about, men’s clothes, mostly underwear, and another door just beside where we came in. “Oh!” I say. And he’s kissing me again, forcefully.

“Is this OK?” he asks.

I think I nod or something, or maybe I just grunt. Whatever I did he got the message and carries on.

He grabs me beneath my ass and lifts me up. I wrap my legs behind him wondering if I’m going to knock him over but he’s strong. He’s so fucking strong. I’m kissing him and moaning, trying to grind my crotch into him as he holds me.

He turns around and lays me down on his bed and I feel a parting between my thighs. I want him between me again. I want... I don’t know what I want! “Take off your shirt!” I say.

He pulls his t-shirt up, twisting it off with both hands and my god he is quite literally the hottest man I have ever seen in my life, anywhere, ever. Literally from anywhere, ever. My hand is on my skirt massaging myself. “On the bed,” I say.

He sits down next to me, kissing me as he sits, and I’m all over him. I’m in his mouth, my hands are on his chest, on his stomach, beneath his stomach. My hands are under his belt. I feel his pubes. I go further. I feel his dick. Oh wow! I love his dick. I don’t know if I love dick but I want Tim’s dick.

He breaks away from me and undoes the buckle on his belt, struggling to push his shoes off each foot. He lifts himself a little off the bed and slides his pants and underwear down, and then they’re off completely. I don’t know what I say, but I say something to him. It could be something like ‘Fuck me’ or ‘Hey sexy’ or it could just be me gurgling, drool spilling out. But I know what I need to do. It’s not a want it’s a need. A desperate need. I grab his cock in my hand and begin to jerk him off. I kiss him and love jerking him off. And I shiver.

I keep kissing him and feeling him in my hand and I want him inside me. But that’s impossible, mostly. I want more of him. I want to know him. I want to taste him. Without full awareness but with anticipation I’m down on a knee before him, looking into his eyes as I part my lips and lower my mouth around his cock.

Then... Well... We have fun.

A lot more fun.

Then I’m lying on Tim’s bed, me completely clothed, him completely naked and we’re looking at each other. We’re smiling at each other. At least I’m smiling. He’s just looking at me. “How long have we been here?” I ask.

“Does it matter?”

“I’m going back to my friends.”

“Am I not your friend?” he asks. So I kiss him. Which I hope answers his question.

I walk back to the living room feeling floaty. I stand by the hallway leading into it, just looking. “Yes, I’ll go to the bathroom with you, Toni,” Sally says, standing. “Natasha?”

“Couldn’t pay me...” Natasha says, and Sally has me by the hand and is leading me back down the hallway where I hope I don’t bump into Tim.

Sally knocks on one of the doors and says, “You decent, Jess?”

“Come in,” Jess says.

Sally opens the door to a fairly spacious bathroom, where Jess is standing in the middle. “Find anything interesting?” Sally asks.

“Nope, boring,” Jess says.

“Toni is freaking out,” Sally says. Then she turns to look at me. “No, we are not leaving. You are not running away. We are going to stay here and have dinner and a nice time presuming they don’t start talking about sex dungeons or something.”

“I am not freaking out!” I say.

Jess sits down on the closed lid of the toilet and says, “OK, go on.”

“Go on what?” I say.

“You wanted to talk,” Sally says.

“No I didn’t,” I protest. “You dragged me in here.”

“So you’re fine?” Jess asks me.

“Yeah,” I say, then I think. “It was great.” And I’m smiling.

“Do you need a toothbrush?” Sally asks.

“Oh, no! Can you smell his—” I begin, and both of them burst out laughing. “That’s mean!”

“I get to pick your Halloween outfit, Sally,” Jess says.

“Yeah, you won that one,” Sally says. “Go on, Toni, tell us everything.”

“No!”

“Oh, wow! She grew a spine,” Sally says.

“But...”

“But?” Jess asks me.

I pause for a moment, unsure how to say this, but it’s mostly true. I think it’s correct, anyway. “He’s hot, isn’t he? Like, really hot? Stupidly hot? That’s not just me thinking that?”

“Wow, she sucked a dick and cured her stupidity!” Sally says.

“Imagine how smart she’ll be in a few weeks,” Jess says.

“I plan on becoming an astrophysicist,” I say.

“Good for you, girl!” Sally says. “Now the ice has been broken we want the details.”

“I had a good time,” I say. I did.

“Did your good time have a peak moment?” Sally asks, making air quotes as she says the words Peak Moment.

I nod assuredly and say, “It did.”

“Do we need to get you Plan B?” Jess asks.

“Not unless fingers can get you pregnant,” I say.

“Fingers?” Jess asks. “Plural?”

“I don’t know. I don’t care. He knew how to use them. Now if you’re done with me?” I say, putting on my Downton Abbey matriarch look.

“Haha, Tim found her inner bitch,” Jess says.

“And he’s welcome to find it any time he wants,” I say, before leaving the bathroom and walking back to the living room, where Tim is sitting in the same spot on the couch he was in before all of this happened.

I sit myself down next to him, he puts his arm around me and I snuggle into him. Fuck Sally and Jess. They’re just jealous. “Sally and Jess are jealous,” I say to Tim.

“Of what?” Tim asks.

“Because you’re really hot,” I say.

“And you’re sexy,” Tim says to me, and now I know he really does not have a clue how hot he is, so I cuddle into him more, more than happy being held.

I draw a deep breath and open my eyes. “You’re hot,” I say, looking at the man holding me.

“Feel better?” Tim asks.

I look around the room, where Jess and Natasha have moved some beanbags into the middle of the floor and are sitting next to each other. There’s no sign of Sally and Mouse. I rub at my eyes. “How long was I asleep?” I ask.

“A little bit,” Tim says.

“And did you hold me the whole time?” I ask, and he just smiles at me so I give him a kiss. “You’re amazing.”

“You’re sickening,” Sally says from behind me. “And Tim probably needs to pee, he hasn’t moved since sleeping beauty nodded off. Barely talked...”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, shuffling up on the couch. “Do you need to..?”

“Couldn’t hurt...” Tim says.

“Don’t ask him if you can watch, that’d be too much, even for you,” Sally says, sitting herself down on the couch and placing some wine glasses on the table. “Can we put on music now?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Mouse says. “Unless any of you plan on having a snooze soon.”

“Tim wouldn’t insist the music is off if one of us fell asleep, would he?” Natasha says.

“Of course he would,” Mouse says. “I told you, he’s nice and an idiot. Anyway, any preferences?” He places the open bottle of wine on the table and walks to a laptop next to the TV, fiddles with some cables and is soon typing away.

“It’s your place,” Jess says. “Your choice in music.”

“If you want to put something on you know how Spotify works, just put it in the playlist,” Mouse says. And both Natasha and Jess do stand and go to look at the laptop’s screen.

Then Tim is back into us, also playing with the laptop before he sits down next to me and I have to hold myself back from kissing him again. I really don’t want Sally yelling at me about being disgusting any more. I do notice Tim is wearing big, soft, bear feet slippers though. Not quite novelty level but definitely themed. “They’re cute,” I say, pointing.

“Do you want some slippers?” Tim asks. “Anyone? If you want?”

“What do you mean?” Natasha asks, looking a little, well, I guess the word is curious.

“Tim bought a load of slippers, various sizes, men’s and women’s, from one of those online Chinese stores. For any guests. What did I tell you about him?” Mouse says.

“What’s wrong with him?” Sally asks. “Why is he like this?”

“You’ll be thankful for them tomorrow morning, Sally,” Tim says.

“Presumptuous!”

“Yeah...” Tim says, then looks at me. “Did you tell your friends about Emma’s place?”

“Emma?” I ask.

“Where we went shopping.”

“Oh! No! No way. It’s too good for them. I do not want to share it.”

“She’s a friend,” Tim says. “Any help she can get in growing her business...”

“What’s this?” Jess asks.

“OK, fine! It’s a nice second hand shop, lots of clothes. Good prices, I think. You’d like it. There! Happy, Tim?”

“What’s it called?” Jess asks. “I might have heard of it.”

I shrug. “The Thrift Store,” Tim says. “I don’t know if it has an actual name.”

Jess laughs. “No, never heard of that,” she says, but she has her phone out. “Its website?”

“It doesn’t have one...” Tim says.

“Address?”

“I think the alley is just random letters on a planner’s map.”

I can see Jess wondering about this place’s ability to market itself so say, “You know that overstock store I was telling you I got the bathrobe in? It’s near there.”

Jess types a few things into her phone and then looks at me, or more Tim. “A few people mention it, from what I can see. Standard comments. There’s really not much on it. Why doesn’t she want to advertise?”

“She doesn’t want to go the online route,” Tim says. “She thinks clothes, and what she sells, needs to be an in-person thing. And wants word of mouth to build her up. I’ve told her how much it’d help, but she’s insistent, for now. Says the customers she has from markets will keep her going for a bit.”

“Tall, thin, blonde woman? Kind of snooty voice?” Jess asks. Tim nods. “Had a few pop up stores?” He nods again. “I was wondering where she went to! Oh, this is great. Can you show me on my maps app where this alley is?”

Tim stands but doesn’t go to Jess, instead he’s digging in a backpack he has set by the TV. “Will this do?” he asks, walking to, then handing Jess a flier.

“Yeah! Perfect!” Jess says. “How do you know her?”

“Business,” Tim says. “She needed graphic design, liked my work and could afford what I charged.”

The song on the playlist ticks over and Natasha groans. “Who put this on?” she asks.

Sally shakes her head. “Who’s the only teenage girl here, at least in spirit?” she asks, looking equally annoyed.

I realise they’re both talking about me. “I did not put Backstreet Boys on! I wasn’t even at the laptop!”

“Do you like Backstreet Boys?” Natasha asks.

“Well... Yeah! But I didn’t put them on! I swear!” I say. “I’ll even change the song, if you want.”

“The guilty mind,” Sally says. “Told Tim to put it on...”

I move to the laptop and change the music, and as I’m sitting down Natasha says, “Fuck you, Toni. You’re a fucking bitch!”

“I knew it was you!” I yell at her. “I can tell because you’re laughing! If you didn’t try to blame me for Backstreet’s Back you wouldn’t be suffering Enya now.”

“Yeah, right, fine. You win this time,” Natasha says.

“And you should see her in her work outfits! She’s like a pretty faerie!” I say.

“Don’t do this to me, Toni,” Natasha says. “You’ll regret it eventually.”

“It’s just a pity I don’t have any photos. Which reminds me, will someone take a photo of me and Tim, please? If you don’t mind, Tim?”

“What makes you think we don’t already have photos?” Jess asks.

“What?” I say.

They all take out their phones and start typing away, then my phone begins to beep. I open up my message app and there’s a stream of photos of me asleep on Tim.

“Can I get some of those?” Tim asks, looking over my shoulder.

“I need your number first,” I say, and feel nervous saying it. Although I don’t know why. A couple of hours ago his fingers were literally inside me. So we exchange numbers, and then the photos, and we’re taking a few more. Just the two of us, except I’m awake this time.

Then we all talk, and drink, and a few people smoke. Mouse begins to prepare dinner as it’s getting dark outside. Sally offers to help but Mouse gives a stern, ‘No!’

After a bit longer we’re all sitting in the same places, but with plates on our laps.

“This is lovely,” Natasha says.

“It’s a basic stir fry, nothing amazing. There’s no need to boost my ego. I know I’m not a great cook but I can make some healthy things well.”

“He can cook almost everything,” Tim says. “But apart from a few meals he does regularly he never sticks with anything long enough to perfect it.”

“So what’s the plan?” Mouse asks. “I’m fed. I think Tim said Toni likes dancing. We could go back to that bar?”

“Why do you think I like dancing?” I ask Tim.

“You, and that woman in there yesterday, when I first saw you... She was saying you like to dance. Or should dance more.”

“Oh, that? Yeah...” I say. Then I whisper into his ear what Steph meant by ‘tangoing.’

He laughs and asks, “So am I a good dancer?”

“You’re a very good dancer,” I say, which is true, at least in my extremely limited experience. Still, there’s a look of pride on his face.

Sally laughs. “I wonder what their deep code could mean? Will us who have such simple minds ever be able to figure it out?” Everyone else laughs at that. Including Mouse who’s cleaning up.

“So what do you want to do?” Tim asks.

“I want to stay here,” I say.

“Are you staying the night?”

“Where would I sleep?”

Tim looks puzzled for some reason. “In my bed,” he says. I didn’t even realise that was a possibility. That’d he want that. That he’d be OK with it.

“I have nothing to wear in bed,” I say.

“That’ll make things easier, Toni,” Sally says.

“Shut up!”

“I have a spare hockey jersey, I’d bet you’d look tiny in it,” Tim says.

“What about—”

“And I have spare toiletries, toothbrush, et cetera. You have nothing to worry about.”

“What if I stay the night?” Sally says. “Will that calm you down, Toni?”

Mouse is back from clearing up and says to Sally, “You can sleep in my bed, Sally, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“See! All settled. Me and Toni are staying the night. Now I want a fashion show.”

“Yes, I’ll stay. But what fashion show?” I ask.

“Yeah, you have loads of new clothes, try them on for us!” Natasha says, with an evil smile on her face.

“I am not some toy for you to abuse and mock!” I say.

Mouse shrugs and says, “Sorry Toni, you’re the only person with shopping here. I bet if they all had things to try on they’d join in as well. Right?” he asks, looking around at Jess, Natasha and Sally, who all nod and smile at me, far too sweetly.

“He’s right, Toni. Sorry,” Natasha says.

“Then, I’ll get the clothes you three can prance around in,” Mouse says.

“What?” Sally says.

“Yeah, loads of clothes. Every size. Women think Tim is handsome, then see the apartment and refuse to accept we’re not rich. They’ve basically moved in after a week. Then they break up with Tim, never want to see him again and Tim is sobbing while he packs bags full of their stuff to store away forever.”

“Don’t tell them that, Mouse. Fucking hell. You’re killing me,” Tim says.

“I’m certain there’s some very slutty stuff that’d look great on you, Sally,” Mouse says.

“You wish!” Sally says.

“So, are we doing the dress up party?” Mouse asks.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Jess says.

“Definitely not,” Natasha says.

“Why don’t you throw them away, Tim? Or donate them to charity?” Jess asks.

Tim shrugs and says, “They’re not mine to give away.”

“How long have some of those bags been here?” Mouse asks Tim.

“They’re not mine to give away! What if someone wants them back? Anyway, we’re not short on space.”

While they’re discussing this a thought is wiggling around inside my mind. “Why are all these women breaking up with you, Tim?”

“I really don’t—” Tim begins.

“Because he’s boring. Normal and boring. They see him looking all handsome, the fucker, and he’s polite, then they see the apartment and think he’s some suave, playboy millionaire. As we have said, a few times now, neither of us are those things. He’s a just-about doing OK graphic designer, I work for a sports statistics business. We’re young-ish but not mad for insane parties. We’re boring.”

“You’re boring?” Sally asks.

“And he’s handsome, and as you said I’m ‘no slouch.’ We do OK for ourselves.”

“So you think we’re boring?” Sally asks, smile on her face.

“You’re relatively normal,” Mouse says. “Relatively... You didn’t see the lobby of the building and immediately start listing off fancy restaurants to go to. You sat and ate my stir fry. It’s not an insult.”

“Anyway, it’s up to you,” Tim says. “We’re happy doing whatever you want to do.”

“What would you do if we weren’t here?” I ask.

“Watch TV, a film...” Tim says.

“Let’s do that then,” I say. “Just a normal night and not a crazy bitch being all crazy to you.” I hug into him tighter when I say that.

“I’ll get a taxi home, then,” Jess says. “Do you want a ride, Natasha?”

“That’d be great,” Natasha says.

“I’ll get your coats,” Mouse says. “We can call you one here, or whoever’s downstairs can.”

“We’re fine,” Jess says. “I know a good company, they’ll be here in literally minutes. Same one I always use.”

Mouse hands them their coats and asks if they want someone to walk down with them, but both refuse, and then it’s just me and Tim, and Sally and Mouse.

“What streaming platforms do you have?” Sally asks.

“Do we tell them?” Tim says.

“Being honest has worked so far,” Mouse says, with a shrug. Me and Sally exchange a look.

“Do you know the film Knives Out? The murder mystery kind of one?”

Me and Sally exchange another look, and she says, hesitantly, “Yes?”

“We like shows like that. Murder mysteries, detective stuff. They’re not big in the US but countries around the world have been making them for decades. Usually two hour long self-contained episodes, or a mini-series. They’re silly, but not as silly as you’d think.”

“Kind of like Columbo? Or what was that other one..? Monk?” I say.

“Yeah, like that,” Tim says. “You happy with that?”

“Of course!” I say.

“Subtitles or English?” Mouse asks.

“Please no subtitles,” Sally says.

And we sit watching a detective show for an hour, Sally and Mouse on one couch and me cuddled into Tim on the other.

Eventually Mouse pauses the show and says, “Anyone want popcorn? Something to drink?”

“Yeah, put on some popcorn, Mouse. Drinks anyone?” Tim says.

“Soft drink?” Sally asks. “Whatever you have, diet or regular.” And I nod in agreement.

Sally and Tim are talking about who they think the murderer is, Sally thinking it’s multiple murderers, while I hear popping coming from the kitchen. Eventually Mouse comes back carrying some bowls filled with popcorn and glasses on a tray, setting them down in front of everyone.

“Right, where does Mouse come from?” Sally asks.

“As I said, it’s worked so far,” Tim says. “It’s your story, it’s up to you.”

Mouse places his fistful of popcorn back in his bowl and says. “I had an eating disorder... Have an eating disorder, it’s under control, it wasn’t at university.”

“Which is why you’re so persnickety about food,” Sally says.

“Yeah, and to keep people from finding out I kind of nibbled at food like a mouse. Which people did notice, enough to give me the name but not enough to see what I was doing to myself. Not until I got quite bad, which is when Tim noticed, and got me help, along with my brother.”

I hug into Tim as Mouse is saying all this.

“I knew some girls in school with eating disorders,” Sally says. “It’s an awful thing.”

Mouse nods. “Full story, Tim?”

“That’s up to you.”

“It’s your story too, in fairness.”

“I am more than fine with you telling them,” Tim says, as he wriggles his arm around me to get more comfy.

“Me and Tim knew each other from sports,” Mouse continues. “He had a sports scholarship, I didn’t, I wasn’t a star anything. I’d always been weird with food, and working out was another way I was abusing myself. When I got to college and was stuck around really serious athletes my eating disorder went into overdrive. When Tim noticed how bad I was in the second year he tried sorting me out. Doing anything and everything to help. He lost his sports scholarship because of it, because of how focused he was on me, but he didn’t care about that. Eventually he got onto my family, then my brother, who was paying for my classes. Together both my brother and Tim got me help, help that worked. Tim was so good it saved me from having to be hospitalised, I could be treated as an outpatient. My brother realised how much Tim had done for me, and paid for the rest of his college, after convincing them to let him back in.”

“And now he pays for the apartment,” I say. “As a kind of thank you.”

“He rents it to Tim for fair market rate for an average two bed apartment less central than where we are, but it’s certainly nothing either of us could afford at its real price. My brother also pays most of the bills, heating and that, and he’ll pay for whatever food we want to get, within reason.”

“And Tim still keeps an eye on you?” I say.

Mouse nods. “He does. Which I am very appreciative of but he can be really annoying about it. Like I said, Tim is very nice, and a lot of people don’t try to get to know that.”

“Sally and Jess are kind of like that to me,” I say.

“That’s sweet, but we still hate you,” Sally says.

“I hate you too,” I say.

“This is really good popcorn, Mouse, like, best I’ve ever had level of good,” Sally says.

“Just use the highest quality oil you can get your hands on. There’s no trick,” Mouse says.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it. Do you want to watch the rest of the show now? Any more questions?” Mouse says.

“The show must go on!” Sally says. “And I’m telling you, there are at least three murderers.” At which point the detective show is un-paused, and we all keep watching, eating popcorn and drinking cans of diet 7-Up.

Then we watch an episode of Columbo.

Then I’m being rattled. “What?” I say.

“That’s the third time you’ve fallen asleep during this episode,” Tim says. “What time did you wake up this morning? Do you want to go bed?”

“I was up early,” I say, yawning.

“Yeah, you had a big day, babes,” Sally says. “Go to bed. I’m sure Tim will join you.”

“Are you coming too?” I ask Tim.

“Of course,” Tim says. “Come on, I’ll you get the things you need.”

And within a few minutes I’m lying in Tim’s bed, in the oversized hockey jersey he gave me, with him cuddled into my back, holding me. And I fall asleep as probably the happiest woman in the city, next to someone unbelievably kind and gentle I’ve been blessed with.