Jane watched the ball drop in New York on her television screen. She was sitting alone in the inexpensive motel room she had lived in since she left her husband. A couple of weeks ago, she received the final divorce decree.

She raised her glass and said, “Happy Freaking New Year’s, Jane.”

Putting down her glass, she sat down on the small, battered sofa. Now that the divorce was finalized, and she had access to her share of the divided assets, she would finally be able to move into something a little bit nicer.

Irreconcilable differences. Thinking about the decades of her marriage, she had always been a faithful wife, and had followed the teachings of the church they attended. She had deferred to her husband’s opinions. She cooked, cleaned, raised their son, and never questioned the authority that the church gave to her husband.

That is, until she just could not any longer. She had started to follow politics, and she found she did not agree with him on many positions. When she started trying to discuss these issues, he would grow angry. He never physically assaulted her, but verbal abuse was becoming a constant. He complained to their pastor about her newfound independence, and she found herself being targeted in sermons, and her “friends” started to distance themselves from her.

Eventually she left and filed for divorce. In the process she lost her entire support network. Her family all took her husband’s side and completely cut her off.

The thing that bothered her more than anything, though, was that she allowed her husband to disown and disavow their son, Ben. She had not spoken with him in almost ten years. Her, she whispered to herself. What was the name that Ben had chosen when he transitioned? Sarah.

That was her name.

I need to find Sarah and do my best to make amends.

Jane made this her most important New Year’s resolution.

…

Finding Sarah was a bit of a challenge, since she did not have a current address or phone number. She did some online research; she found an address on one of those online people search sites. She saw that it listed her old name as a possible spouse. The address appeared to be Sarah’s current address.

She decided to send her a letter.

Dear Sarah, I hope this finds you well, and that you are truly happy. I would really like the opportunity to talk with you, at your convenience. I understand if hearing from me brings you any pain; that is not my intent.

Know that I love you and am deeply ashamed of myself for allowing this distance to come between us.

Love,
Mom

She added her address and phone number, put it in an envelope, stamped it, and took it to the post office. She sent it with a tracking number, so she would at least know that it was received.

…

According to the postal tracking site, the letter was received on the following Wednesday. Jane said a prayer that Sarah’s heart would be open and would reach out. By Saturday, she was just starting to think that it might be just too hard for Sarah to deal with her, when her phone rang. There was no caller ID.

“Hello?” she answered?

The person on the line did not immediately reply.

“Sarah? Is that you?”

She heard the person on the phone breathe in exclamation. “You’ve never called me Sarah before, Mom.”

“I know, and I am truly sorry for the pain I must have caused you, Sarah.”

Sarah took another breath, and replied “Why now? It’s been ten years. I sent you and Dad a Christmas card every year, and it bounces back rejected. I got the last one the same day I got your letter. So why?”

Jane answered, “I never saw those cards; your father must have been the one to send them back. He always insisted on reviewing the mail before I got to see it. I don’t know if you remember that. I finally stood up to him, Sarah. I have divorced him.”

“Well, I guess that explains the different return address, and phone number. Still, what do you want from me? You rejected me when I needed you most.”

“I’m not looking for anything from you, other than the chance to do what I should have done ten years ago. I’ve grown over the past couple of years, and I deeply regret the choices I made with my life.”

Sarah replied, “I don’t know, it took me several years to get to a place where I was okay. I don’t know if I can risk being hurt like that again.”

Jane flinched and said, “If it is too painful for you, I will understand. I don’t deserve anything from you. But you said you have been mailing us Christmas cards every year, isn’t it possible you were always hoping for a reconciliation?”

Sarah did not answer.

“Sarah, I would really like to come see you. I want to get to know the daughter I missed out on, and to be the mother I should have been, or at the very least your friend.”

“Let me think about it, Mom.”

“As you wish,” she said with a smile.

Sarah chuckled, “I still love that movie.”

“I love you, Buttercup.”

…

Jane got off the plane in Seattle. Sarah had agreed to meet with her at a neutral place and gave her a cell phone number to text when she arrived. She sent, “Just arrived at the airport, heading to the Hampton Inn & Suites near the airport.”

She took the hotel shuttle. Once she checked in and unpacked, she took the opportunity to freshen up.

A little while later, Sarah called.

“Hi, did you make it alright?”

Jane replied, “Yes, thank you, I did. All settled in.”

“I know we agreed to meet tomorrow for lunch, but are you willing to meet tonight? I will pick you up, and I know a place with good seafood, which if I recall correctly you were partial to.”

“That would be very nice.”

Sarah said, “Then I will pick you up in about forty minutes.”

Jane sat down and tried to prepare herself for meeting her daughter for the first time. She had no idea what Sarah would look like. All her memories were of Ben.

She thought back to when Ben had come home that last time, to tell them that he was going to transition. He had not gotten very far, when his father bellowed that no son of his was going to turn his back on God and to reject the gifts that had been bestowed upon him. He had attempted to grab Ben; he thought he could make a man of him by physically assaulting him. Ben wasn’t having any of that and, for the first and only time in his life, he punched his dad in the jaw. His dad went down to his knees, and Ben ran out.

She had been horrified but stood there and watched it happen in shock. When Ben left, she just buried her head in her hands and cried.

He was disowned and disavowed from that moment on, her husband would not hear of anything else.

She made her way to the front lobby and stood outside waiting for Sarah to arrive. A few minutes later, a silver-grey Toyota Prius came into the parking lot and up to the front of the hotel. A woman got out of the driver’s seat and approached her. She was a little a bit on the tall side, had on a very nice, tailored dress, and meticulous makeup.

The woman said, “Mom?”

Jane said, “Sarah? Wow, you look wonderful!”

“Thank you. I’ve worked hard at it.”

“It shows, Sarah. I think I’m underdressed!”

Sarah smiled, “No, you are fine, I just got out of work, so I am a bit overdressed. If you are ready, let’s go eat I’m sure you are hungry.”

Jane sat in the passenger seat, and Sarah got behind the wheel, and they drove to the restaurant. The drive was about twenty-five minutes from the hotel. Jane tried to make small talk for a bit but gave up and they sat in awkward silence.

Once they arrived, Sarah walked her in, and since she had called ahead, it was not a long wait before they were seated.

Waiting until after they had ordered, Sarah said, “so, here we are. Mother and daughter at last. I am still a bit shocked to hear from you. Though maybe I am a bit more shocked that you and Dad are divorced. I never thought you would stand up for yourself. What was the final straw for you? It sure was not me,” Jane heard the bitterness in her voice.

Jane took a moment to reply, “It was a lot of things, and don’t discount how much losing you played into it. When your dad disowned you, that was the first time I let him know I disagreed with him. I just was not strong enough yet to really stand up to him. But I started doing some reading when he was not home. It was not easy to keep him from seeing what I was reading. He could access my phone, and the computer at home was set up to track all websites I might get on.

“I got a library card and, when I would go shopping, I would read newspapers that were not allowed in our house. Sometimes, I would take out a book. Lord, I was terrified he would find them, but I stored them in your old room. He never went in there.”

Sarah frowned, “I suppose that should not shock me. So, what were you reading about?”

Jane answered, “Initially, I just started catching up on what was going on in the world. Your dad was always conservative, but he and the church seemed to be going down a dangerous path. Conservative used to mean America, apple pie, my country right or wrong, and all of that. I saw things that disturbed me. There appeared to be less and less tolerance for other people, especially people of color, and other religions. And, of course, people like yourself were never welcome there. I got to thinking we were pushing people away. But your dad never saw it that way.”

Sarah said, “I wish I could say I was surprised. I am a bit surprised though that you broke free; that’s not easy to do.”

Jane took a moment, “As I said, I was upset about you, and I began to realize that I was not allowed to have my own opinions. The more I started to accept that I did not have to agree with your dad, the more I did not agree with him.” She took a moment, and then went on, “That started the verbal abuse, and reminding me that he was the man of the house. Then after he told the pastor about it, I started to become the subject of his sermons. Basically, I was being ostracized, and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I left. Lived in a cheap motel for six months, skimping on everything. I had no access to any of our money, no credit cards. But I still had my job at the thrift store, and I made sure to get my pay deposited into my own account, which was enough for the motel.”

Sarah said, “Grandma and Grandpa wouldn’t help you out?”

Jane looked away, tears in her eyes, “No, they sided against me, as did my sisters, and my aunts and uncles. I’ve lost them all. Said I had shamed them. They rejected me outright.”

Sarah looked shocked, and then said bitterly, “So they treated you like you and Dad treated me. Is that what made you decide to reach out to me?”

Jane looked ashamed, “No, though it made me understand exactly what I had allowed to be done to you. What I did to you. But I was already planning to try to find you. I just wanted to be done with the divorce first.”

Sarah, still angrily, said, “So you have lost everyone, and almost everything, so you come looking for me because you are lonely? Or is it money you need? What are you doing here?”

Jane said, “I’m here because I messed up. Because I want to make it right. Because I have always loved you. Even though I did not understand why you needed to do this, once I left your Dad I started to research it.” She paused, and through her tears she said, “I still have a long way to go, but I want to make it right. I just want to make it right.”

“How? How do you think you can make ten years right; do you have any idea what I went through after that night? I ran out of the house with practically nothing. I was on the streets for a couple of months, until I met someone who got me into a program. She saved my life. It took me four years of therapy to put it all in my past. I got lucky, she got me a job, and I learned how to help others. Now I counsel other kids just like I was, and I do my best to get them help.”

Jane said, “I am so, so sorry. I am not here to hurt you; if that is what I am doing, I will go. I can call a ride service. Thank you for dinner.”

She got up to leave, and Sarah said, “And just like that you are going to run out again?”

Jane stopped short, “No, I just don’t want to hurt you again.”

Sarah said, “Then stay, don’t run away. We are going to have to confront this, but I think we are going to need some professional help. You willing to do some mother and daughter therapy?”

Jane said emphatically, “Yes!”

Sarah sighed, “Okay then. Are you going to be able to stay here? Or do you have to get back to your job?”

“I quit; that is no longer home. I have enough from the divorce proceedings to last for a little while, while I look for work here.”

Sarah replied, “That I may be able to help you with. You were always good with the kids at Sunday school. Would you be open to helping in our outreach program? Lots of kids, different backgrounds, we can always use some help.”

Jane said, “Yes! I would love that.”

…

It had been almost six months since she and Sarah had that dinner.

She and Sarah had started therapy soon after their first meeting and, slowly, Sarah began to trust her.

Sarah had just let out that she was married, and that she had a four-year-old daughter.

Jane was floored, “What?” She started to cry when she realized that she had missed out on her daughter’s wedding, and the birth of her granddaughter.

When Jane was able to control herself, she asked, “Tell me! Please tell me about your family!”

Sarah was hesitant, but she opened up to talk about the love of her life.

“I met Abigail early in my transition. We fell in love almost immediately. Abigail only knew me as Sarah, but she knew I am transgender. Amazingly, she still fell in love with me.”

Jane grabbed her hand and said, “I think I love her already.”

Sarah smiled, “When we decided, we were going to get married, Abigail had only one requirement. She wanted to be a mom, and she wanted it to be our baby. So, I stopped my hormone treatments, and we arranged to preserve my sperm. We also kept trying the traditional way. We got lucky, and Abigail got pregnant. I resumed my transition. Heather, was born, a beautiful healthy little girl.”

Jane asked, “Can I meet them?”

Sarah said, “Give me a little more time. I’m not quite ready yet.”

…

It took two more months before Sarah was comfortable introducing her wife and daughter to her. Sarah invited her to her home, for the first time. Abigail answered the door, and said, “Hello, you must be Jane. Sarah is upstairs getting Heather ready.”

Jane handed Abigail a gift-wrapped box, and said, “Think of it as a belated wedding present. I wish I had been there for you both.”

Abigail accepted it, and said, “Thank you. I will wait till Sarah is here to open it if you don’t mind.”

Jane said, “Not at all.”

Sarah came down the stairs, her daughter Heather, in her arms. “Heather, I’d like you to meet your grandmother. Can you say, ‘Hello, welcome to our home, Grandma?’”

She put Heather down, and she walked over to Jane, “Hello, welcome to our home, Grandma.”

Jane knelt and said, “Thank you Heather, it is a great pleasure to finally meet you.”

Abigail, said, “Why don’t we go into the living room. Sarah, this is from your mom, you should open it.”

Sarah looked questionably at it and said “Okay.”

Unwrapping the gift, there was an old crystal bowl, along with several glasses and a ladle. Sarah asked, “Is that… “

Jane said, “yes, it was my Grandma Rose’s set. I know you always loved it, you used to stare at it for hours whenever I brought it out. I hope it’s okay?”

Sarah choked up a bit, “Yeah, it’s very okay. Thank you.”

They had a nice evening together, catching up on all that Jane had missed over the years.

When she got ready to leave, she asked Sarah if it was okay to give her a hug, and Sarah said, “As you wish…”

The End

Copyright © 2024. All Rights Reserved!