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I have recently spent more time as Leeanna in public. I never got a hostile or second glace, apart from some guy checking out my legs when the wind lifted my dress above the knee.
I learned most people will pass you by as they are not interested. I spent a few days on the Essex coast with a very kind gentleman who has been encouraging me to spend more time as my other self. Over the weekend I spent longer as Leeanna than I have ever before.
I got to cook and eat a meal with him in my Leeanna persona. After a while, I was unaware of what I was wearing and I felt "normal". It was amazing to feel so relaxed. He did not push me past my limits, just carefully encouraged me to exceed them.
We went out in public for a seafront walk in the daylight on Saturday and on Sunday I even ventured into an arcade on the pier.
I don't know if it was because I was with someone, but I always feel I am being stared at when I walk alone. This did not happen once. Do lone women attract more attention? I never got a curious or hostile look. I was just anther women walking by.
I tried a different look. I think glasses help disguise the harder male lines of my face. I still find it hard to think I can "pass"
Thank you "M" for bringing Leeanna so much happiness.
Comments
Good on You.
Not many of us are in the position to live as our real selves, and many of the professionals think that we are delusional. You have my encouragement. :)
Gwen
Thanks Gwen.I only get to be
Thanks Gwen.I only get to be Leeanna when I go away alone. This time I was not alone. It will be March until I can be my other self now. I have some good memories and some pictures to see me through.
Leeanna
Openly Lying
Nowadays, I openly lie if I feel the need. Thankfully there is strong evidence that I am XXY ...... and a bunch of stuff, and since most people don't know what Intersex is I use that. Of course my familial and work relationships were Nuked two decades ago, what difference does it make? I'll face God with my actions and do hope that he will be merciful.
Looking good.
I know what you mean about finding it hard to believe you can pass. I have that same problem, but I've had repeated times when it was either I passed or no one cared enough to say anything. What really brings it home is when I need to use the toilet when I'm out and about.
The first time I was in desperate need and there was no "family restroom" anywhere nearby. So I just bucked up my courage and went into the ladies only to find a line of about 5 women waiting for an open stall. The lady in front of me had two girls in front of her. One I'd say about 12 and the other about 14. Two stalls opened up and the girls each took one leaving only me and the lady in front of me. When one of the girls came out, the lady turned to me and said, "You go ahead, I'm just waiting for my daughter." I mumbled a thank you and went in the stall.
Another time I was in a grocery store and went to use the restroom. When ever I can, I use the handicap stall because my knees complain when I sit on a standard height toilet. When I came out of the stall a lady with a cane was there and berated me. Not because I was in the women's room, but because I had used the handicap stall without a noticeable handicap. I told her that I had arthritis in my knees and had a hard time getting up from the standard toilet. She harrumphed as if she didn't believe me and went into the stall.
Neither time did either of them seem to be concerned about the fact I was in the ladies room.
Your experience it the norm. Most people are far to caught up in their own little world to care about who you are and what you're doing there. I find the if I act like I belong there doing what I'm doing most other people will accept it as fact.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Thank you, Patricia. I try to
Thank you, Patricia. I try to dress as plain as possible. No heels, short skirts and basic makeup. I don't want to stand out. I tried the glasses as have a squarish face. They seem to break up the shape somewhat. I only need glasses for long distances. They were blue light filters.
I am still learning to use makeup and often get it very wrong.
Leeanna
you go, girl!
fantastic!
Sounds like you had a great time
I'm really glad. And Patricia makes some very good points. If you act like you belong people generally don't care. As well as that most people are far too worried about their own situation to care about you. You get cranks and crazies calling into radio stations and the like but they're so busy writing unhinged letters you're less likely to run into them in places normal people go (well, relatively normal. Most people are a little mad when you get to know them.)
I still get nervous going places I don't know, but not once have I had a bad encounter. If anything it's the opposite, people being too kind. But when you get that, or people looking at you in the streets it's rarely because of hatred. I have to tell myself this walking down the street. The times people do look it's because I'm a little outside the norm, and when people clock me they're almost certainly thinking, "Oh! That's who/what she is! Good for her! I'm glad she finds my town safe to be herself." Which is the same thing I think when I see gay couples holding hands or kissing in public. A sense of pride that I'm in a place where people get to be who they are.
And I can't count the amount of times someone has taken me aside, or in casual conversation, to offer threats of physical violence on anyone who gives me hassle, if I let that person know. That they won't tolerate bigotry when I'm around and they're nearby. I've had some great days with people who told me something like that, especially with them opening up in ways that are really nice when they wouldn't otherwise. They feel like you're being truthful with them so they are with you. And that's what it's about for many people, a real truth.
I know sometimes it can seem
I know sometimes it can seem the world is against trans folk, especially trans women. Polls seem to show almost 8 out 10 people are accepting. generally more women than men. It was very encouraging. I am going away with my mother in a few weeks. I may try to spend more time in the daylight.
Leeanna
Men Seldom Make Passes
At girls who wear glasses! That used to be a saying when I was young. However, I think your decision to wear glasses helped you to look feminine. I'm happy that you had a good time and didn't encounter any bad experiences. What do they say? Practice makes perfect. Keep on practicing.
I tried a different wig.
I tried a different wig. Apparently, with my shape of face, I should wear shorter fluffier hair. I think the roll neck may be a bad Idea too.
I think the glasses are here to stay.
Sad thing is I don't have many pictures of me smiling as a man.
Leeanna
The Wig
IMHO a great big yes. I don't think the rollneck makes any difference.
The glasses
Are a good look for you. Glad to see you are getting some self satisfaction time in. Hopefully you can get some quick breaks in before March. I've heard that it gets easier to fit it every time you do that. Any hope of finding a support group? Take your mum out for a drink?
Oh, not to forget, relax and give yourself the life you want and deserve.
Ron
Thanks Ron. The man I was
Thanks Ron. The man I was with wanted us to go for a meal. I am taking baby steps though. The pier was not very busy as it was a Sunday night, and most people were busy playing. It was still a big step. I used to cross the road or walk the other way last year.
Leeanna