Chapter 12

Allan arranged a gig on a Saturday night at a civic party. We did our new look show and it went well. I wasn’t highly excited about it. We played our music and then went home. I may have been the only one feeling a bit jaundiced. But I did have a lot of other things on my mind.

I wondered if it was the prospect of being a father that outweighed the upgrade of becoming a woman. Was I worried about the future of the farm against my likely career as a music star / model / businesswoman?

Our school lectures seemed better than ever, and we were really on top of our studies. Josie and I made love most nights. I was a bit more manly having suspended my blockers. Did I want to be a father? Was I ready? More to the point, would our having a baby affect our life with the Pixies?

The magazine spread earned wide praise. We finished the Stable Sisters album, and it went on the market to a reasonable acclaim. The pictures on the cover and notes were tasteful and effective.

The four of us had made Allan split the income from it six ways so that the other two girls weren’t left out. We were all earning a regular income. Allan told promoters that we would be available for more shows after the end of July. To cap it all off, the Sisters became a very slick music-writing machine.

At the end of February, Josie announced that she was very late with her period and Mom took her off to buy a test kit or two. When she tested positive, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. When the band was told we all had a party.

My time as a father had come and my time as a man was ending. I went back on the blockers, saw the doctor, got an appointment with a gender specialist, and started on hormones.

My doctor told me I couldn’t go any further, except for breast augmentation. I hadn’t seen her until late last year. I could wait for the final operation, but the idea of my own breasts occupied my mind.

Things were happening around the property. We had shipped out enough of the older chickens to allow us to move the remaining ones into the other two sheds. This allowed Brad’s crew to repurpose the shed into a hydroponics set-up.

Our farm part-timers had become nervous because it looked as if we were down-sizing. We got them together and told them the plan. Most said they would be happy looking after the plants and picking the fruits or vegetables. Everyone agreed that plants would be much cleaner than chickens.

The biggest expense in the change-over involved buying the growing set-up -- tubs, pumps, and piping. We could use the old lamps with slightly different bulbs and a specialist company helped us out with selecting them.

Our people cleaned the top layer of the floor and dumped it over the back lot. It may lead to us doing something horticultural. Then we had several truckloads of builders’ sand spread and rolled in. This was a lot cheaper than any other flooring solution.

With the inside and outside cleaned with high pressure sprayers, the shed took on a whole new appearance. I couldn’t wait to see the other two overhauled. But that would be down the road after we shipped more birds.

The other change included the laying of a concrete slab on one side of the house. My parents had decided that we needed a complete apartment for Josie and me with our coming baby. It would feature a big bedroom, walk in closet, full bathroom, and a second bedroom big enough for when our child got bigger. With Brad on board and thinking about his grandchild, it would be built before the due date, sometime around the end of October.

Throughout that January to March period, we still held regular sessions in the studio and put together a show that we could stretch to three hours, if needed. We did, during that time, evolve a little more. Donna took less of the vocals, leaving most of that part to Josie, Emily, and me. We made every effort to be inclusive.

We knew that, in a little while, Josie would drop out of the line-up, for a few months. We discussed how we could cover that period. The idea was floated that we may need to bring in someone new and it caused us all to stop and wonder. Were the Pixies still a bunch of girls having fun, or had we become a brand where the personnel could change?

In effect, the Pixies were slowly becoming the Stable Sisters plus. We kept our new songs back for the moment, building up a new album set and being far more careful about what we added to ensure our sound remained true.

During March, we went into the recording studio on weekends and cut ‘Pixie Capers’ which would go on the market in May. On top of that, we had more sessions in the recording studio to put down our tracks for the Christmas Album, which would be released around the time my baby was due.

We were all doing fairly regular photo shoots and it was becoming a steady job for us all. The money was nice and there seemed to be quite a bit of that, thank goodness.

Things were too good to last.

Donna broke the bubble on the weekend we played in Chicago. She told us that she was also pregnant and would be marrying her Jack on the second Saturday in April. Not only were we invited but she wanted us all to be bridesmaids, with Josie as the Maid of Honor. Neither of them would be showing too much, that day. She also said that her next two years of training would be full-time and that she wanted to drop out of the Pixies by the start of the Fall semester in August. It was a shock to us all. We had spoken about getting replacements, but nobody thought that it would be this quick.

The show was the biggest we had done, by far. The venue was huge. The audience was massive -- and very happy to see us. Our opening band that night set a high bar.

We went on after the break and ran until nearly midnight.

On top of our playing fee, we earned a lot from CD and poster sales. I was surprised to see the vendors selling a DVD taken from the show the TV crew had filmed. I bought a few for my own collection.

When I saw the quarterly spreadsheet that Allan gave us April 1st, I was amazed at how well the Genesis CD, of just the four of us, was selling. The Billboard placings over the past quarter for both albums were impressively positive.

With the wedding in the middle of April, I just had time to get my boob job done and I was operated on quietly and privately in a specialist clinic during the week after we got back from Chicago. Josie saved the course notes for me. I didn’t really miss a lot because we were coming to the end of the semester, and it was mainly review.

By the time we hit the stage in Cleveland I was almost back to being myself. Well, me with natural breasts, instead of falsies. I now racked an upper female form that matched my hips.

The show went well. Because it was the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Allan organized for another film crew with an idea for a longer DVD of live Pixies, especially as it was likely to be one of the last times this line-up would be on stage. We were in the top ten, in the hearts of our fans, and in love with big shows and big crowds.

I had to laugh when I thought about my first time on stage at the Chuck Wagon and wondered whether I would ever play in front of small groups again.

In the weeks between the show and Donna’s wedding, Allan found us a stand-in guitarist who could take over Donna’s place. Joyce was already a fan, knew all the songs, and seemed delighted to be a Pixie. After three sessions, you could hardly tell the difference on stage. She was, however, a total musician who was with us for the long haul.

Donna’s wedding verged on mayhem. Jack was quite a catch, being in the same medical stream as Donna and also on track to be a specialist surgeon. His folks were quite wealthy, and the ceremony took place in one of the cathedrals in the city.

Our dress sponsor had provided our gowns. Our salon did the full make-over and the press attended in force. I’ve never been so caught up in the wonder of the day before and it went like a dream. Janet caught the bouquet as the happy couple left for their honeymoon.

On top of all that Josie and I had our end of term exams, which weren’t too bad. The week after the wedding was a lot quieter for us all. When I say ‘quieter’ it was still full on with the sponsors.

The wedding pictures found their way into all the magazines. The remaining five of us were still in demand for fashion shoots. Josie and I were off until mid-May. We prepared for the show in Cincinnati on the Saturday before school started for our final term.

Allan ran ragged trying to find things we could do without cutting into our schooling. He would be very glad when we graduated.

The Cincinnati show went without a hitch. We went on stage, again with an opening band, and did our set with Joyce filling in for Donna. She was accepted by the fans and came off the stage that night fully committed to the band.

Everything was good until breakfast when Janet didn’t come down.

Flora went to find her, but there was no answer from her room. She got the management to open Janet’s door. Inside were the obvious signs of a struggle and no sign of Janet.

Flora had a mean look in her eyes as she called in the police. Viewing the security tapes of the corridors showed a couple of guys carrying a bundle to the rear of the hotel. The outside cameras caught them loading it into a van and leaving.

I could tell that one of them was her father and Flora identified the other as his brother. Most of us went home on our scheduled flight -- but Flora and Emily stayed behind.

Allan promised to call the salon to tell them what had happened. It took most of the week before they found Janet. The brothers had taken her to their hometown and set about bringing her back “into the fold.”

The police finally tracked her down in the barn of one of the parishioners, chained to a post with just straw to sleep on. She spent three weeks in a hospital to heal the scars. They had tried to whip the “devil out of her.” They also found traces of semen in her that was matched to the DNA of her father or his brother, the laboratory being unable to split the result.

Janet made a statement which accused her uncle of rape, and the police charged the brothers with kidnapping, assault, and just about everything else they could think of.

It was good that it was the abduction took place in Cincinnati. It was up to the county authorities there to prosecute. Flora told us later that the police chief from her hometown had said that the brothers were just doing “God’s Work.”

Flora started divorce proceedings, clearly determined to take her husband to the cleaners. Her town was divided about the preacher, half being shocked and ashamed with his activities, and the other half following the line of the police chief.

Janet came home but never went on stage as a Pixie again. She had been traumatized to the point where crowds and big men got her hyperventilating. She wasn’t able to go back to work at the salon. She and her mother set up a singing school to reap some of the benefit of having been a Pixie.

She donated her van to the Pixies and bought herself and her mother a nice hatchback to take her to those photo shoots that still had her contracted. The media had a field day at the trials with the usual split between the liberals and conservatives taking opposing views.

Her uncle got five years. Her father received a two-year slap on the wrist. In the divorce settlement, her mother took him for pretty much everything he had. She put the house on the market and the two of them vowed never to visit the town again.

The whole affair should have slowed us down. We had a meeting with Allan, and he told us that he wouldn’t organize anything on stage until August, giving us time to finish school and also decide on our future.

We had the second Pixies’ album that would be in the market by then. We could spend our session time working up a show to feature it and getting two new girls up to speed.

We had not seen a lot of Donna since the wedding. She and Jack had bought an apartment and told us that they were now concentrating on their medical careers. “I’ve loved being a Pixie,” she told us, “Now it’s time to get serious. I love you all, but my future will be more normal.”

I wondered if she had taken what had happened to Janet as a sign and wanted to get out of the limelight. Joyce stopped being a paid as an extra member and became a full-time Pixie. It didn’t take long to get her into a photo shoot, adding her figure to the cut-outs, and her name to what would be our third album.

Abigail joined us as a drummer and became a full Pixie with her cut-out replacing Janet’s. Beautiful and blonde to the max, she soon vied with the rest of us for top billing in the sponsor stakes.

Moreover, we found that she had a great voice. We tried a few songs with her as our vocalist, ending all thoughts of her being just the drummer.

We had a meeting that included Allan and, after a short look we had Dave and Wally join us, as bass player and drummer. They had been in the Ramrods that played the Halloween show. That band had broken up, the two guitarists packing up and going south to find fame and fortune in sunnier states.

We became the Stable Sisters plus four. The two guys were paid a flat rate as extra members. With eight now to fit into the studio I financed a little project of my own after talking to Brad.

He put down a concrete slab to the back of the stable and added a new studio grafted onto the old one. This was fully lined with proper acoustic tiles and the old studio became the control room, with the addition of the right equipment.

It also made a good relaxing room, with the addition of some armchairs and a coffee machine. The work had been completed during the week of our final exams in June.

Josie and I graduated with honors. I often wonder how much dressing for success added to our GPAs. The graduation became an event with a lot of photographers wanting pictures of the two of us, with our folks, and also with our school friends.

The following week the new-look Pixies did the honors at the prom, which seemingly outdid all previous efforts.

We didn’t have to go looking for work. The first shed came online with its first harvest. We had underestimated just how much we could produce out of one shed. With chickens we had used about the first two feet of height but with the plants growing on mesh we were now using more height. Our much happier workers had taken to the new work with gusto.

Instead of one truck coming for eggs in the morning we now had several from different supermarkets and small outlets making smaller collections. Any eggs left over were shared by the workers. Talking with Brad we could see that we would equal our previous revenue, with just two sheds operating.

Allan got us some more shows to play. We spent most weekends flying somewhere, playing on Saturday night to a big crowd and then flying home again Sunday. Once we had settled into the new studio, we rehearsed our third album ‘Pixie Movement’ which was more dance-oriented with the beefier line-up. Talking about being “beefier,” Josie now showed her baby bump. I went on guitar in August while she stayed home.

The loss of a single violin didn’t really affect the sound, especially live. Our new songs were suited to using two keyboards on stage. One was programmed as a piano, when we did Sisters’ songs, with Abigail and me singing duets. Emily used either of the two keyboards for the rest of the set.

We moved into the new bedroom in the extension and furnished the spare bedroom as a nursery. Our sleeping arrangement became two singles because Josie wanted to sleep, without me bothering her.

I took the opportunity to remodel my old rooms in the stable with new paintwork, lighting, and electric outlets. We used it now if anyone came to stay overnight. It became a second home for Alicia as Josie got closer.

My first few months after graduation were nothing like I had imagined they would be. The farm was doing nicely, and the only real input was nutrients we added to the water and the electricity to run the lights and pumps.

A guy with a tractor plowed the back lot where we had spread the chicken manure and we planted potatoes. Well, everyone wants potatoes, don’t they? Getting toward the end of the year we moved the remaining chickens into one shed and planned the upgrading of their old shed starting the following year.

Josie went into labor in the first week of October and our daughter was born after a six-hour session which left her drained. We named our baby Alicia Elizabeth after both our mothers.

Alicia, or Ali to me, was a lovely child. I would hold her in wonder that she was the fruit of my loins. She would try and latch on to my nipples and would cry when the well was dry. I would give her back to Josie for her meal. Both sets of grandparents spent a lot of time with her and that allowed Josie to have a little rest. She slept a lot in the time before Christmas.

I know that a ten-week-old child can’t appreciate Christmas, but we did the whole Christmas thing. Alicia and Brad stayed over in the stable and Jordan in my old bedroom. Jordan was now into his first year in Veterinary School and loving it.

He was, as it turned out, a super fan of the band in all its forms and had collected quite a lot of our merchandise. He had also truly thawed when it came to interacting with the Pixies. He was in seventh heaven whenever he was able to sit in on a practice or recording session.

We got nominated for the Grammies but didn’t win the Best Album, or the Best New Band. You don’t have to win to have a nice time. The other two Ramrods caught up with Dave and Wally and they went out for a drink together.

Ali had stayed at home with my folks, and I hoped that Josie and I would get together while we were away. The hosts, however, had put us all in separate rooms. I was starting to wonder as we kissed occasionally but hadn’t slept together since I had gotten my breast job.

I held off the final SRS, thinking that she may be frightened of what she felt if we went to bed as two complete girls. Back home she stayed out of the Pixies and just looked after Ali, buying a car. She would take the baby to the park in it. We shared the bedroom but hadn’t shared a bed for some months.

The Pixies still played regularly, about every couple of weeks, in big arenas and halls. The fourth album was coming along nicely, and the crowds still paid to see us. The year crept by as we played, recorded, and also spent a lot of time at photo shoots and socializing. In March, I decided that I’d gone too long putting things off. I asked Allan if he could give us a month or so without a performance so I could take medical leave and have the operation.

It was embarrassing, painful, and took a while for me to come to accept that I was now fully female -- as far as appearance went. The bandages, the bruising, the catheter, the hormone injections, the lip job, the dilating -- it was all unpleasant, and unwanted. However, I had to suffer through it all to pass into the wonderful world of womanhood.

It did wonders for my marketability as I was now more feminine than ever before, and it showed in my photo shoots.

We were about to go back on the road in late May and I spent a day in a meeting with Allan and some of our backers. My parents had gone off on a cruise and Josie was home with Ali.

When I got home the house was quiet and her car wasn’t in its usual spot. I looked in the nursery and it all looked as it usually did. Then there was a knock on the door and one of our workers had Ali in her carrier.

“Miss Josie left Ali with us while she went out. We have to go home now, so I’ve brought the little darling, so you can take her. She’s been very good.”

When I asked about Josie, he told me that mid-morning, about an hour after I had left, a yellow F100 had pulled in. I knew that Dave drove one of those. About a half an hour later, both the F100 and Josie’s car had left.

I took Ali back into the nursery and changed her before giving her a bottle. Josie had stopped breast feeding her a couple of weeks before. I carried her around while I checked all the rooms.

All of Josie’s things were gone. I sat down with my baby in my arms and cried. After I had put Ali to bed, I looked further and found a letter in the studio. Her guitars and amps were gone, and the letter was put in the space that was left.

It read like a Harlequin romance novel. She wrote that she had loved me and still did but needed to have a real man in her life. She confirmed that the man was Dave. He had been meeting her on the days she was supposed to be taking Ali to the park. She had decided that she couldn’t two-time me any longer and that her new life, according to Dave, had no room for a baby. She urged me to be a proper mother for our child.

I tried to make phone calls, but Josie, Dave, and Wally had all blocked me. I called Allan and told him we had a crisis. Then I went back into the house to cry some more.

That night I didn’t sleep much at all and spent a lot of the time sitting by my baby’s crib and wondering if I was up to really being a mother for her. I must have looked like hell when Allan turned up the next day.

He was, as usual, unflappable. I suppose that having faced death you find everything else somewhat less critical. He read the letter, and then made a couple of calls himself while I made us some coffee.

I was still in shock. After our wonderful years together, she had put a knife in my heart. I realized that I had been living with one of the vixens, and then thought that I was lucky in a way. She had gone, true, but she had left me something you can’t buy. I had my home, I had my future, and I had my baby to look after. I was still able to reach for the stars and the foxes were still far below me.

By the end of the morning, I’d pulled myself together and Allan had been in contact with all of the other Pixies. We still had our core group. With me, Emily, Pet, Joyce, and Abigail we’re almost a group -- but with a show coming up in a few days there was just us five.

Allan arranged with the others to come into the studio the next day and told them to be prepared to do some work. He then took Ali and me out for a meal, which did cheer me up a bit. He told me, in no uncertain terms, that the show really does go on and that we could go on stage as a five piece again as long as we believed in our abilities. We had a big show on the Saturday, and we’d better be up for it.

I smiled, bravely, for the first time that day.

“Allan, we can do it. We’re the Pixies.”

Marianne Gregory © 2022