The Might-Have-Been Girl A novel by Bronwen Welsh Copyright 2016

Chapter 31   Family and friends

Reggie and I spent a happy hour together before I had to get on the train and return to Stratford, and I promised to return the following weekend to see him and stay Saturday night at the flat in Southgate.

Three days later I received a phone call from Dr McLeish to say that my blood tests had been quite satisfactory, and that she would be posting a prescription for oestrogen to me. It duly arrived on Friday, and I immediately went to a local pharmacy to obtain my first batch of hormones. I think I will always remember the day when I took the first tablet – I was on my way to becoming a complete woman, well as complete as any transgender woman can be.

The rehearsals were going quite well. Naturally, Tony Robertson was devoting most of his time to the cast, and the understudies were under the care of the Assistant Director, Marilyn Greenwood. She had only just arrived, having been caught up in another production which had just finished. She turned out to be very pleasant and very competent. Most of the understudies were 'off book' by now, and we usually rehearsed in a hall behind the theatre, occasionally going to the theatre itself when it wasn't occupied.

On the Friday of my first oestrogen tablet, I mentioned to Phoebe that I was going down to London to see Reggie, and she very kindly offered me the use of her car, since she was going away with Paul for the weekend.

“That's very kind of you Phoebe,” I replied. “But there is one problem, I can't drive.”

“I didn't mean to embarrass you,” she said. “You're nearly nineteen now. Don't you think it's time you learned?”

“You're right, it is. I'm going to make enquiries at a driving school on Monday.”

That evening I packed the clothes I wanted to take, and first thing Saturday morning I went to the railway station and took the train to Marylebone. From there I took the tube to Southgate Station where Reggie met me. Richard was away, so Reggie had use of his car and drove us both down to the Walker Cricket Ground in Waterfall Road, just a few minutes' drive away. It was another warm sunny day so I wore my second summer dress, white this time with a rose pattern, and of course I wore my white slip under it and my white sandals. Because of the sun, I also brought along a straw hat. In the unlikely event that I took the stage as Ophelia, I couldn't see her having a sunburned face

Reggie introduced me to the wife of the club chairman and then went off to get changed into his 'creams'. Peggy Broughton was a charming woman and greeted me warmly.

“You are very welcome to the club, my dear. What a pretty dress! It's impossible to get my two daughters out of trousers. I keep telling them that they'll never find a man if they insist on looking like lorry drivers. Now your young man is just the sort of person we need in the club. We were so disappointed to hear that he is going off to study in York and won't be with us much longer. My husband says he is very talented.”

'Goodness me,' I thought. 'This woman could talk under wet cement.' Then as inevitably happens I felt terrible having such uncharitable thoughts, especially when she led me to the deckchairs where the women partners of the players were sitting in front of the pavilion, and introduced me to several more of the wives.

It seemed that Reggie's team were batting first and I was surprised to see him as one of the first two batsmen to take to the field. How like Reggie not to tell me that he was an opening batsman.

I could write all I know about the finer points of cricket on the back of a postage stamp, but I certainly could appreciate the elegance and fluidity of Reggie's strokes at the ball. Several times it went to the fence, and I could see his numbers steadily climbing on the score board. He had just reached fifty-one to applause from the small crowd, which he acknowledged with a wave of his bat, when it appeared there was some confusion as he and his partner ran between the wickets, and he started to walk back to the pavilion.

Reggie disappeared inside and a few minutes later appeared again after removing his pads and storing his bat, and came and sat on the grass beside my deckchair.

“That was really well done,” I said enthusiastically.

He laughed “Apart from the confusion at the end.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“I was run out. Charlie called the run then said 'no' and then changed his mind and started to run. I had no choice but to run too, but I was hopelessly out of my crease.”

I didn't really understand the intricacies of what he was saying, and decided that I must learn more about cricket, so maybe I would get a book from the library. I wondered if there was a 'Cricket for Dummies'? Perhaps Reggie could draw me a diagram of fielding placements, I mean 'third man', 'gully', 'silly mid on', I've heard the words before, but what on earth did they mean?

Reggie's team scored two hundred and ten. It was a limited over match, I understood that at least, and it would be over in one day. When the other team went in to bat, Reggie had told me he would be bowling and also mostly fielding in slips. He saw the look on my face and grinning said “Don't say it!” I have no idea what he meant of course!

When I saw him and two other team members standing to the side and slightly behind the batsman, I realised I knew one fielding position. I also realised it meant that Reggie and the others two didn't have to run far for the ball, thus conserving their energy for when they were bowling. Reggie started off very well by holding a catch, and later on, when he was bowling he was responsible for two more wickets when the batsmen were caught off his bowling. All this was explained to me later. At the end of the game, Reggie's team won when the other side was all out for one hundred and eighty-five.

Afterwards everyone was invited into the pavilion for a meal provided by the lady members. There were some speeches and Reggie was mentioned as vice-captain, something else I didn't know, and also awarded the 'man of the match' trophy. I felt so proud of him. Several of the members who by now were aware that I was his girlfriend, spoke to us and complimented Reggie on his performance.

“I don't suppose you can persuade him to stay in London and keep playing for us?” said one old gentleman with a florid complexion who seemed to have trouble taking his eyes off my bosom.

“I'm sorry, I can't do that,” I replied. “He's quite set on going to university in York, and I support him in that.”

“Hmm, pity,” he replied. “He's been a breath of fresh air at the club.”

Reggie looked a bit embarrassed and was glad when the old boy walked off.

“Don't believe everything you hear,” he said. “There's a lot of good players in this team. It's not a one-man band.”

That was typically Reggie, being modest about his accomplishments.

Once the meal was over, it seemed that some of the older members were prepared to do some hard drinking which wasn't our scene, so we made our farewells and drove back to the flat. We had a cup of coffee and then went to bed.

It was lovely to spend the whole night with Reggie, something we hadn't had much opportunity to do previously, apart from our trip to Wales. I don't need to go into details except to say that is was a very enjoyable night and we even managed to get in a few hours' sleep!

We slept in on Sunday morning and finally got up about ten o'clock. It was an lovely day, not doing anything very much but just enjoying each other's company. We went out for lunch at a local pub, and at four o'clock, Reggie took me to the tube station and insisted on coming with me to Marylebone where he waved me off on the train to Stratford before going back home on the tube.

Rehearsals continued. Mostly I was rehearsing as Ophelia, but occasionally I played the part of Queen Gertrude. Thanks to my memory, I was 'off book' on both parts before almost everyone else. It seemed very unlikely that I would be playing Queen Gertrude, but on a few occasions Tony appeared at rehearsals and expressed satisfaction on both the parts I was playing.

I should mention that I was still in touch with Antonette back in London. She rang me almost every week, and told me she had now been to see a doctor and was taking Aldactone, just as I had been. There had been a family conference and it was agreed that she would change schools and start attending a new one as Antonette. She seemed nervous and excited about that, but was also very determined that this was the person she wanted to be. She asked how I was going so I thought it would do no harm to tell her that I was now on hormones.

“Have you noticed many changes?” she asked.

“A few but they are slow,” I said. “My breasts are starting to grow and I think my skin is softer, but it's only been a few weeks and these things take time.”

She wished me good luck and rang off.

My next phone call was quite different. I normally rang Mum and Emma once a week, and I wasn't due to hear from Emma for some days when she rang up.

“Is anything wrong Em?” I said.

“No, well not exactly wrong,” she replied. “The fact is, well I've got news for you, you're going to become an aunty.”

I was shocked into silence for quite a few seconds.

“Harriet, are you alright?” Emma sounded anxious.

“Yes I'm fine. It was just a bit of a shock, that's all.”

“A nice shock I hope,” she said.

“Yes of course. Congratulations, to you and David. You're pleased of course.” I said it as a statement rather than a question, and hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way.

“Yes of course we're pleased. We were a bit surprised too as I was on the 'pill', but sometimes these things happen.”

“Well it's great news. How did Mum take it?”

“Well she was a bit shocked of course, but yes, she's pleased for us.”

“And Penny, what about her?”

“We were quite worried about telling her, thinking she might be jealous, but surprisingly she's quite excited at the thought of having a little brother or sister; well half-brother or sister of course but you know what I mean.”

“Em, I'm really pleased for you, I'm sure you'll make a great mother,” I said, hoping I was making up for my apparent lack of enthusiasm on first hearing the news.

“Well, there's more to tell you. We always intended to get married of course, but now we've brought it forward, in fact it will be in four weeks' time on the Saturday. You may think I'm vain but I'd rather not have a baby bump in my wedding photos.

“The ceremony will be at St John's church where Mum goes, and the ladies of the local Women's Institute are catering for the reception which will be in the church hall next door. It's going to be a small wedding, only about twenty guests. I don't know when Hamlet starts but we're hoping you will be able to come.”

“Well, you seem to have it all organised, and that's perfect timing actually,” I replied. “Opening night is the following Saturday, which would have been a problem, but yes, of course I'll be there.”

“Good. Oh, there's one more thing, Penny is very excited to be a bridesmaid, every little girl's dream, but we have budgeted for two.”

“Who did you have in mind?” I asked, thinking it was probably an old school friend.

“You of course, dummy,” she laughed, and of course so did I.

“O.K., I'm a dumb blonde. There's just one thing, how many of the guests know that you used to have a brother not a sister?” I asked.

“Well most of the guests are from Apollo, so they already know, and the others probably don't remember anyway. Put it this way, if you're not worried then I'm not, and neither is David.”

“Well in that case I am honoured to accept. It's certainly not something I ever expected to do,” I replied.

“Reggie is invited too of course. In fact, do you think he'd be willing to 'give me away'? I know it's a hangover from the days when women were regarded as their father's possession, but it is part of the ceremony, and we would like a traditional wedding.”

“I'm sure he'd be honoured too, but there might be a problem. He plays cricket most Saturdays, so I'm not sure he'd be able to come, but I'll ask him and let you know as soon as I can. Now, what about dresses, have you sorted that out too?”

“Well, I've already decided on a pale cream silk gown, since it would seem a bit hypocritical to wear white. Can you come up next weekend, and we can go shopping for a dress for you and Penny?”

“Of course, and please let me pay for both bridesmaid's dresses,” I said. I knew that Emma didn't have a lot of money and I was on a reasonable wage now, so it seemed only fair to help out.

“That's very sweet of you,” she said. “We'll have a fun time shopping. Maybe you can get some new shoes to match?”

“That's a given,” I laughed. I'm sure Mum will enjoy coming along too. In fact please let me pay for her outfit too.”

“Goodness me, have you won the lottery?”

“No, but I'm on a decent wage for an actress, even if I am an understudy; after all I'm understudying two roles so there was quite a bit of learning involved.”

“I'm sorry, this phone call has been all about me,” she said. “Are the rehearsals still going well?”

“Yes they are. In fact I was going to tell you, I actually had a chance to go through a couple of scenes with David and that was totally awesome. He's an amazing actor.”

She laughed. “You sound quite 'star struck'.”

“Well, acting with a great actor makes you lift your own performance. Another thing, there's a whisper that some of the understudies may get a chance to act in a matinee during the run. Maybe it's just a rumour to keep us on top of our game, but it would be an amazing experience.”

“And no more than you deserve,” she replied.

We rang off after that, leaving me to digest the implications of Emma's news. Babies may be very small, but they have a massive effect on lives. Emma would be moving out to live with David, so Mum would be on her own. I would have to seriously consider if I should put my career on hold and move back to Brid to be with her.

The next day I rang Reggie to tell him the news and also Emma's request.

“I'm not putting any pressure on you to come, Reggie,” I said. “I know how much you enjoy your cricket and that the club expects you to be there.”

“What date did you say the wedding was?” said Reggie.

“Saturday, the twenty-fourth of June,” I replied.

“Well that's perfect,” he said. “My club has a bye on that day so I have the weekend off. In fact I was going to check if you were still free and suggest we go away together.”

“Hmm, just our luck, but it's not every day my sister gets married and I'm asked to be a bridesmaid.” Then I went on to tell him about Emma's request that he stand in for our late father and 'give her away'.

“Well I never expected to do that until...” and he stopped abruptly. “I'm sorry Harriet, that was really thoughtless of me.”

“It's alright Reggie, really. Believe me, if there was some way I could have children I would love to, but medical science hasn't advanced that far yet.”

“Well there is adoption,” he said.

“Let's not talk about it now,” I said, feeling myself starting to get upset. “The main thing is I can tell Emma that you will come to the wedding. She will be so pleased, and so am I.”

“I'll go up by train on the Friday and stay with Mum and Dad. Just let me know what sort of suit to wear, business or dinner.”

“We'll be sorting that out next weekend,” I replied. “I'm sorry Reggie, but Emma asked me to go up to Brid so we can go shopping for bridesmaid's and 'mother of the bride' dresses.”

“I understand,” he replied. “I know that weddings are a lot more work for women than men, but I'm sure you'll all look fabulous.”

My goodness, where will I ever find another man like Reggie?

To be continued

I would like to acknowledge the assistance of Louise Anne in proofreading the text and giving me a great deal of useful advice about modern-day Britain to incorporate in the story.