Finally, I was finished with my preparations, and I stood up and slipped on the shoes I had selected - a deep red that matched the dress and had 5-inch heels. I looked at myself in the mirror. Les the young man had gone, and in his place was Lesley, a young woman in a pretty dress. I did a little twirl before the mirror and drew a deep breath. It was now or never. I took off the shoes again, walked through John's bedroom and tip-toed down the hallway in my stockinged feet. I peered into the lounge room. John was still asleep in the chair, the empty whisky glass on the table beside him, and the newspaper had slipped off his lap. I slipped my shoes on again and walked quietly over to him. As I gazed down on this strong yet vulnerable man my heart went out to him. I stepped back slightly in case he jumped up and called out his name softly. I felt my heart was pounding loud enough to wake him. He did not move, and I said his name again more loudly. He half-opened his eyes, closed them again, and then his eyes were wide open staring at me.

“Mary?” he croaked. I realised that I was in the shadows, and he couldn't see me properly. I moved forward to where the light shone on my face.

“No John, it's Lesley, the real Lesley.” I said. His eyes widened.

'It can't be! But of course it is! How could I have been so blind all this time?”

Then he stretched out his arms to me as I walked forward, and his big work-worn hands closed gently over mine. He looked down at our clasped hands. “You're trembling. Why is that?”

“I'm afraid,” I said in a small voice.

Concern showed on his face. “Afraid of me?”

“No, not of you, you're the gentlest man I've ever known. No, I'm afraid of how you might feel about seeing me now, about all this. I'm afraid of my feelings for you and how you might react. I know now how I've felt about you from the first time I saw you. I told myself it was respect at first, and then it grew to friendship, but now I know it's far more than that.” I took a deep breath. “I love you John Brodie. I've loved you from the day I arrived here, and no matter what you say or do, even if you send me away, I will love you until the day I die.”

There! I had said it. There was no going back now. I stood there looking at him, my heart pounding.

Then he smiled — oh that wonderful smile! “Here, come at sit on my lap.”

He drew me gently to him, and I sat carefully on his lap, smoothing my dress as I did so. He gazed at me.

“I can hardly believe it. You are so beautiful, and you hid it so well, but not quite well enough. Can you understand now why I was going to send you away? I couldn't understand my feelings for you, and I dared not tell you — an older man and a young person, how would it look? Oh, you must think that men are very stupid creatures.” I smiled and shook my head.

“What you just did, what you just said, that was the bravest thing I ever heard. Such bravery deserves something in return. I love you too Lesley Cobb. I know now that I've loved you for a long time, and I'll never stop loving you.” Our faces were very close now, and as I knew he would, he leaned forward and kissed me for the first time.

When our lips finally parted I smiled at him, but my throat was tight. The most important question had yet to be asked. “Is it possible for us to be together?” I said, and suddenly I began to tremble again. His answer was so important to me.

He smiled gently at me. “I love you, Lesley. Is it possible for us not to be together?” he asked in return.

I threw my arms around him, and we kissed once more. Later I helped him to his feet, and we walked arm in arm to his bedroom.

I slowly opened my eyes and stared up at an unfamiliar ceiling. I suddenly realised it was John's room and I was in John's bed. Memories of the previous evening flooded back slowly. I vaguely remember us walking into the bedroom, but nothing afterwards. I reached down and discovered I was still wearing the lingerie from the night before, and the dress was lying over a chair next to the bed. I turned my head to the right with a smile and then froze. The pillow next to me was empty. I began to tremble. Nothing had happened after we went to bed, I was sure of that. We were both too exhausted from emotion, and in John's case it was combined with alcohol, so we had just fallen into a deep sleep.

I shivered. It was obvious what had happened this morning. He had woken up, totally embarrassed to find me beside him and he had left the room to give me time to slip quietly back to my bedroom, and we would both pretend last night never happened. My heart sank as I remembered — today was the day I was supposed to be leaving. Then I realised the sound I was hearing was Tom's truck idling outside and I started up, but even as I did so, the engine revved up and the truck slowly pulled away, the sound fading into the distance. I sank back on the pillows. I didn't know what was happening, but there wasn't another train for three days, so at least I had some sort of reprieve.

The bedroom door swung open, and there was John in his dressing gown and carrying a tray.

“You're awake at last, sleepy-head.” he smiled. Then his look changed to concern at my expression. “What is it?”

“Oh nothing,” I replied, “Just me being silly. I woke and you were gone, and I thought, I thought....” My voice trailed away.

“You were sleeping like a baby, and I didn't want to disturb you. I had to tell Tom you weren't leaving — that is right, isn't it?”

“Oh yes!” I gasped emphatically. “I never want to leave you.”

He smiled and walked over to the bed. “Good! I've brought you some breakfast.”

It was boiled eggs for two, toast and coffee. On the tray was a small glass with a red rose he had picked from my little garden.

“I'm sorry about the rose,” he said, “I'm really giving you back the flower you grew.”

I kissed him gently. “No, it's your rose that you gave to me, and I will treasure it always.” I said, and I have. It's still there, pressed in one of my books.

We sat together in bed and ate breakfast. Afterwards we kissed again, and things were starting to get quite heated when he gently drew back and said, “I'm so sorry, but the men are expecting me to go out with them again this morning. A new lead on the cattle duffers.”

“Of course, you must go.” I said “We can make up for it tonight, if you like?” and I knew I was blushing.

John laughed “Oh I'd like alright!” he said.

“Before you go John, how would you like me to dress today?” I enquired, meaning should I go back to being Leslie for the daytime, but he misunderstood me.

“There's so many clothes in the dressing room,” he said, pointing to Mary's room “I'm sure you'll find something suitable there. I will take you to town to buy things for yourself as soon as we have some time.” he added.

He slipped out of bed and went for a shower. When he walked back into the room, a towel was wrapped around his waist, but I caught a glimpse of his naked body when he slipped it off to get dressed. I only just managed to stop myself gasping out loud - he had the most magnificent body. He quickly dressed and kissed me gently before he left. So that was it, I was to be Lesley from now on. But what would the other people at the Station think about it?

I got out of bed and went for a shower. When I looked in the mirror I thought 'John must love me because with last night's make-up all smeared from tears, I look terrible'. I finished showering and with a towel wrapped around me walked slowly into the dressing room. I pulled back the blinds enough to let the light flood in and stood there looking around me. I don't believe in ghosts, but as I stood there, I knew I wasn't alone. There was a definite presence — the one I had felt the first time I'd entered the room. I heard nothing and saw nothing, but I just knew. It was an effort of will not turn around, even though I knew I would see nothing, and instead I started to talk.

“I'm here with John's permission,” I said. “I won't ever try to take your place. I couldn't even if I wanted to. I want you to know that I truly love him. You know I've made a start already and I make a solemn promise to you and him that I will do my best to care for him for the rest of my life and his."

I heard nothing and saw nothing, but I knew that my words were accepted and believed, and that I was now alone again.

To becontinued.