Coming clean...

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So I know it's been a while, but I felt it was finally time to come clean about something. It's been eating at me for years now. I used to lie about myself on here a lot. I was so paranoid about being discovered that I would insist I wasn't Mormon or that I lived in Idaho rather than Utah. Ironically, I'm now atheist, but that's neither here nor there. Please know it was not a deliberately malicious choice, but one based out of fear and from my way of thinking was a misdirect. I was pretty paranoid.

I thought if anyone discovered the truth that I would be ostracized by my family and friends. I thought that my little interest in TG was something shameful to hide. Eventually I started telling the truth, but I never really did own up to the lies. I just pretended like they didn't happen. So for that I am truly and deeply sorry.

I spent years reading and eventually writing tg fiction to pacify a part of myself I didn't fully understand. It was something I could not reconcile with my beliefs and politics. That all changed when I finally accepted the truth and came out as trans. Now after starting HRT exactly two years ago to the day, I am out and proud living as myself. I'm very open about who I am and my journey. It's quite the turn around from someone who hid and pretended for so long. Somehow I even ended up becoming a marginally well-known twitter personality, I'm now involved in local activism, helped organize the first PRIDE event in my county and best of all I'm actually dating someone who accepts me for who I am. It's been a while ride. I wish I'd stuck around more to share it with you all.

Anyway to celebrate my two-year HRT-anniversary. I thought I'd share a bit of a blast from the blast. The photo on the left is a photo of my younger self, about fifteen years ago around the time when I first discovered this and some other sites. The one on the right is just a few weeks ago. Suffice it to say I much prefer the one on the right.

Hope everyone has a deliciously devious day,

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Comments

We all tell ourselves a passel of little lies…….

D. Eden's picture

That’s how we cope with everyday life. And not just those of us who are transgender, but all people.

Maybe those of us who suffer from gender dysphoria tell more lies, or maybe we’re just better at deceiving ourselves and others. Or perhaps we’re just in denial. I know I spent decades denying who I was, and pretending to be someone I wasn’t.

But all humans create a facade that we hide behind and show the rest of the world. Sometimes we do it for gain, and sometimes we do it for protection, but whatever the reason, we all have our masks we hide behind.

The fact that you created your own is not something to be ashamed of. That fact that you admitted it not just to yourself, not just to your family, but to everyone is something to be proud of.

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

I honestly, try to be as

Daniela Wolfe's picture

I honestly, try to be as truthful as I can. Having that hanging over me wasn't great. There was a time that I was maintaining two separate online personas and my separate personal life. Now that I've transitioned all three have more or less become one. It's great not hiding.

Anyway hope you're having a great weekend.

Daniela A. Wolfe


Have delightfully devious day,

Haha well I tend to view that

Daniela Wolfe's picture

Haha well I tend to view that picture of me pretending to be something I'm not. the newest one is me having embraced myself. So I definitely prefer that one.


Have delightfully devious day,

So typical

Patricia Marie Allen's picture

Your story is so typical that I can't help but smile reading it. No apology necessary. If any group could understand what was going through your head, it would us, here on BCTS. It's the life of a transgendered person.

I remember when I decided that I didn't need to explain myself to anyone. I set about to be a bit in your face around town. Of course I lived in the most populous megalopolis of Oregon. As I'm sure you know, Oregon is quite liberal and greater Portland is even more so. But I would purposely dress in drab and go to second hand clothing stores... the upscale ones, not Goodwill or Salvation Army, and ask to try on dresses and skirts. I was never turned down. I even got bold enough to ask in a Sears store when I happened to walk through the ladies wear department and a dress on the rack just called out to me. They just pointed to the women's fitting rooms.

It was liberating. I then started going to major department stores, (en femme) and trying on clothes. I determined that I would never buy clothes without trying on again. That led, eventually needing the restroom and simply going to the one I was dressed for. I love it. Even dressed drab, I never really liked the men's room.

BTW, I like the picture on the right as well. You look really good.

Hugs
Patricia

Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann

Thank you. I was very

Daniela Wolfe's picture

Thank you. I was very cautious in my early transition. I was on hrt a full eleven months before coming out and by then I very seldom went out as myself. Now I barely give it a second thought.


Have delightfully devious day,

No worries ...

In far too many places, even in the allegedly 'civilized' parts, even in my own country (USA), being different - even wrongly suspected of being different - gets people killed.

Sorry you had to hide for so long.
---
USA is rapidly deteriorating ...

Trust me i'm American I

Daniela Wolfe's picture

Trust me i'm American I understand that fear, it's why I got involved in activism and Pride.

I hope some day it will get better.

Have a great day.


Have delightfully devious day,

Just be careful

Wendy Jean's picture

Being open and honest is good, but always remember the haters will look for a reason to hurt you. I went through that unfortunately and it came back to bite me in some of very unfortunate ways. Not everyone has to know your history.

I'm so sorry. I've learned to

Daniela Wolfe's picture

I'm so sorry. I've learned to be cautious about what I tell about myself online. I've taken some hits and had some pretty awful stuff thrown at me. The world is a dangerous place.

Stay safe.


Have delightfully devious day,