“Coconut 1, 2, 3, you want to kiss me,” Micheal said.

Looking at the jerk who had turned me into a girl, I didn't want to kiss him. Stab him brutally and repeatedly maybe, but no kissing now or ever.

“Turn me back!” I demanded.

“Nope. You're much prettier this way,” he replied. “Apricots and Cantaloupes,” he said with a frown.

Nearing the edge of panic, and getting sick and tired of the waves of lightheadedness that came each time he spoke, I asked “What are doing?”

“Apple pie. Why aren't the code phrases overriding your free will?” he muttered.

This was too weird for me and I needed help. Most of the students were out now, so I pushed my way past the little freak, holding my now loose shorts up with my hands, grabbed my backpack and made my way out.

Micheal acted like everything was perfectly normal. “I don't know why you screamed. You're a lot better looking now, and you probably won't get beaten up by the sword swingers. They usually like to show off to pretty girls. Banana Sundae. You should be thanking me, with lots of kisses and hugs and... other stuff.”

I kept one hand over my new upper attributes, and held my pants up with my other one, telling myself I couldn't kill him yet, he had to change me back. Outside I saw that the other students were milling around, talking to each other and wondering what was going to happen next. There were three adults off to the side watching every thing with looks of disgust and disinterest. The man was a mountain at seven feet tall, wearing black plate mail with skulls on the elbows, shoulders, belt, and knees. A sword that looked like it could kill an ogre in one swing hung from his back. A woman in long red silk robes with a sickly green domino mask covering her eyes, tapped her long claw like nails on a golden scepter topped with a small dragon skull. The third... person, was tiny and covered in dull brown scales, a few ruby red feathers erupted seemingly at random all over its face, most of it's body was concealed in robes. It took a moment to realize he was a Lizard Folk, they were seldom seen outside the Flooded Jungles, and were usually naked with brightly coloured scales and feathers.

They had to be there to meet us, so I made my way over to them with Michael in tow. He was still spouting off phrases that made my head spin just enough to be annoying, but I didn't try to stop him, the teachers would want to talk to him to.

“Excuse me,” I squeaked with my now high pitched voice, “are you the teachers?”

“Yes, child,” the woman said, not looking at me, because apparently the slate grey sky was much more interesting.

“Uh, OK. I have a problem. Micheal turned me into a girl on the way here and now he's trying to mind control me!” I said, pointing at the cause of the whole mess who was standing there looking quite proud of himself.

Lizard teacher opened its mouth, revealing sharp, pointy teeth, and began to whistle. After a few seconds it stopped and looked at me very closely. So closely a feather on the tip of its nose brushed my chin. “Good bone structure. Nice skin. No deformities.” It grabbed my arm tapping it with a claw. “Muscles still work.”

It poked and prodded me a little bit more, as I tried to teleport myself back home through sheer willpower. Finally it stopped and looked at Michael. “Why did you choose this student?”

Micheal shrugged. “No real reason except he's pretty stupid. I think she'll make a good minion, Sir Drago.”

“Very logical. What's the success rate?”

“Forty percent,” he answered.

“What happens the rest of the time?”

Michael smiled, “Let's just say I have a very interesting bug and fungus collection.”

Sir Drago the lizard man made the whistling sound again, and looked at the other two teachers. “I like this kid already. Micheal, you just got some bonus points in my class. Improve the success rate to 60% by the end of the year and you've got a guaranteed A.”

“That's it?!” I yelled. “Doesn't he have to turn me back?”

“No,” the sorceress replied still looking at the sky. “You survived, you can go to class, and maybe you'll learn not to be so trusting in the future. It's a good lesson.”

“But I'm a girl!”

The sorceress finally looked at me, her eyes were absolutely black beneath the mask. “And being a girl is a problem?” Thunder boomed ominously in the distance.

My self-preservation skills finally kicked in, “Um, no. Being a girl is great. Wonderful. Fantastic. Couldn't be better!”

“Good, We will transfer you to the girls dormitory, but that is a minions problem not ours. You will get several girls uniforms once we arrive at the school, so you can dress in something that fits properly. If you become a boy again, we can transfer you within the day.”

“But I'm a boy. I don't want to be in the girls dormitory!” I whined.

“Micheal, is this student fully female?” she asked the guy who had started it all.

“Yep. If she wasn't she'd be a bug.”

She gave a very tiny smile, which did absolutely nothing to make me feel better. In fact it made me think of a dragon looking at a particularly plump and juicy princess. “You heard him. Would you prefer to use the boys facilities in your current state?”
I looked around at the very large and scary, muscular boys, many of whom had tattoos, weapons and scars. My hands covered my new body a little more tightly. “Good point, very, very good point. Just call me one of the girls.”

“What is your name?” the swordsman asked in a gravely voice.

“Peter.”

He shook his giant head. “Petra. It suits you better now.”

“But that's a- Oh right.” An idea suddenly popped up. “So just to be clear, you're not going to make him turn me back, right?”

“We will not,” the sorceress said.

“Right then. Thanks,”

Micheal smirked at me, and said, “OK, last try, this has to work. Mango Custard Igloo.”

The words seemed to grab my brain, slap it a few time and give it a good hard shake. For a moment I saw Micheal surrounded by a shiny aura that made all the hate and anger vanish. I found myself smiling at him, wishing he'd tell me what to do. And then it vanished in a tidal wave of rage and loathing.

I forced myself to keep smiling brainlessly. “Micheal, do you really want to help me out, and make sure nothing bad happens to me?” I asked, managing to sound shy and helpless as I looked at our feet.

“Of course,” he said instantly. “Now that my mind control is finally working it's the least I can do.”

“That makes me so happy,” I replied, reaching out to give him a hug like I'd see girls do all the time. As he spread his arms wide, I brought my knee up catching him very hard right between the legs. He turned white and fell to the ground clutching himself. “You jerk! I hate you! Hate you! Hate you! Hate you!” With each shout, I kicked him as hard as I could.

“I think Petra has some potential,” the swordsman said, as I kept pummelling Micheal. “Let's say we give her another two minutes before we get things going?”

The other two shrugged, watching in amusement as I gave my new punching bag a wedgie.

**

I was sitting on my bags, rubbing my sore foot on one side of the field, while Micheal was draped over his trunk and bags on the other end. When we'd finally been separated, there had been some applause, and the swordsman had told me to take a bow.

Now the three teachers were getting some of the noisier students to be quiet, mostly by the sorceress zapping them with lightning. It didn't seem too nasty, since the students were able to get to the their feet, only lightly singed and with some burnt hair a few seconds later.

“Greetings students, I am Master Grieve” the swordsman said. “We are the faculty leaders of the three main departments, combat, magic and alchemy. You will see us sometimes. If you are lucky it will be in the classroom, if you are not lucky it will be in our office. You are the newest students of Doom Valley Prep School. We are not your typical school, we will not coddle you, we are only going to challenge you. You are to go out there and change the world in your image, you won't learn how if we wipe your noses and dry your tears. So Lady Plague will explain the rules.”

My heart skipped a beat. The sorceress was Lady Plague, the creator of the Waking Death Plague. She had created the plague when a king said her tower was on his land and she had to pay him a small fortune in taxes or offer her services to the kingdom. She had objected to the demand, rather violently. After she'd released her Walking Death Plague, almost everyone in the country had succumbed and become a carrier. The gods, demons and the Mad Immortal Emperor of Arp had all joined together to stop the plague from spreading by scorching the entire country. She was one of the most hunted mortals in the world, gods and demons had a price on her head for what she'd done. And now she was one of my teachers.

I really was doomed.

The sorceress floated above us, concealed in blood red mist from the waist down. “First rule. Do not purposefully kill another student unless it's been approved of by a teacher. It must be approved before the murder, experiment or assassination takes place. Breaking this rule will result in experimentation, being into a source of magical ingredients, or being an unarmoured practice dummy for the weapons classes. If you do something that is likely to kill or permanently disable a student and it does so, without a teachers permission, you will get detention. Those of you who survive that, will get a black mark on your permanent record. Attacking a teacher unsuccessfully, will leave you at the mercy of the teacher. Good luck. Getting caught doing something that seems like a risky or bad idea is left up to the judgment of whoever catches you, make sure to have something useful on hand or quite a bit of money, otherwise you will NOT like the consequences. And the most important rule, try not to die, we don't like cleaning up after you.”

A few of the more innocent looking students looked around nervously, shifting their feet, searching for the best escape route, looking for allies, and probably wondering who was going to maim them first. I already had a good idea that we weren't going anywhere even if we wanted to. The molten lava bed to the east, the razor sharp obsidian cliffs that surrounded us on all sides, the forests of poisonous thorns and man eating plants to to the south and west, and the lake that was full of whirlpools and something with huge tentacles made it seem that trying to leave would be hazardous to our health. The cries and wails of hungry dragons, gryphons, pegasi, manticores, chimera, basilisk's, satyr's, banshees, ogres, trolls, and goblins, proved that even if we survived the natural hazards we'd probably die within the first five minutes. As I listened a little more closely, my squire scouts training let me distinguish some more of the cries, there were also sprites, cyclops, centaurs, harpies, werewolves, zombies, lizard things, leprechauns, kobolds, gnomes, hungry ghosts, and the legendary big foot, in the woods as well. Note to self, do NOT go into the woods today, tomorrow or anytime in the foreseeable future without an army.

Sir Drago cleared his throat getting everyone's attention. “I'm Sir Drago, we are going to walk to the school now. Once we arrive you will be divided into girls and boys, you will be assigned a room number and given school uniforms. You may trade, steal, beat or buy rooms between yourselves, so you have a roommate you like or a particular room, but you each must have a room key before lights out. Now come along, or the werewolves will eat you.”

Without waiting the teachers headed down the path.

We all hurriedly grabbed our bags and followed them. Not everyone was walking. There was the sound of flapping wings over head, and I looked up to see a swarm of fairies chained to a number of ornate boxes. A small head was looking out of the largest box, cracking a whip, “Hurry you fools! My dead grandmother can fly faster !”

A small boy was riding on the back of a giant grey Orc, using some kind of saddle, and from the looks of it, the Orc was asleep. A girl with a veil over her eyes rode a giant tiger, a number of silk bags were tied to an ivory staff that rested on her shoulder. An elven girl was pressing some buttons on a type of mechanical spider that belched green smoke and shuddered every few steps. A boy with angel wings flew leisurely along, with a trail of trunks flying after him.

A boy who looked human and was covered in blinding white lamb wool, caught my eye, Chimera's didn't usually leave their little country. A Clockwork Folk ticked loudly as it walked, it's heavy iron feet sinking into the soft soil with every step. I got so caught up in looking at my fellow students I almost forgot that I was going to villain school and that I was no longer going to be able to pee standing up.

Eventually the jagged, dark path came to a large wooden gate built into a massive boulder. The gate slowly groaned open, and there were two sets of stairs leading into gloomy, foreboding darkness.

“Boys to the right, girls to the left. If you get into the wrong line, the things under the stairs will eat you,” Master Grieve said.

Looking longingly at the boys side, I joined the girls and proceeded to meet my destiny.

This story, along with Trapped in The Oubliette will be updated every two weeks without fail.

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