The stairs seemed to go on for a very long time. At the top they were your typical dungeon stairs, dank, dirty, poorly lit by ever-glow torches, and very narrow, so we had to walk in single file. Then they started to open up, becoming cheap wood, widening so two or even three people could walk side by side, and lanterns lit the sides, putting out a nice warm glow. Further down we were walking on a marble staircase, glowing fae spheres floated around us, dancing in the air, making me feel good just watching them. Girls were forming groups, willingly and unwillingly, walking together, holding hands, and talking quietly. I was too uncertain about things to talk to anyone, what did girls talk about anyways?

Along the sides of the stairs were some very dark shadows. Looking into them, I could just make out something like a tentacle moving slowly in the darkness. As I was distracted watching, whatever it was, I felt someone bump into me.

“Hey!” I shouted, jumping about three feet in the air.

“Hey yourself,” a very big and tom boyish girl said, smiling in a way that almost looked like a leer.

I looked up at her nervously. Maybe trying to be nice would be the safest option. “Um, I'm Pete- uh Petra.”

“Not sure who you are yet?” she laughed. “I'm Brooke. And you're kind of cute. Do you have a roommate yet?”

OK, for the first time ever a girl was hitting on me, and it was absolutely terrifying and humiliating. “No.”

“Great! We can be roommates together, stick with me and I'll keep you safe,” Brooke said, getting in way too close and pinching my butt.

I squeaked, trying to jump away, but she wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me right up against her. I nearly let go of my shorts and underwear, which would have not only been embarrassing as they would definitely slide down to my ankles, but dangerous, since we were still going down the very long flight of stairs.

Nervously I studied my self-appointed roommate. She had half her head shaved, the remaining hair hung down to her shoulder, and there were several glittering tattoos on her exposed skin. I could see that the tattoos were magical, but I couldn't tell what they were supposed to do. A sleeveless white shirt and leather vest covered her muscular body, and she was wearing expensive soul silk pants, that could only have come from the Demonic City States. From her looks and how she confidently held herself, I probably didn't want to make her an enemy. Maybe being her roommate wouldn't be so bad.

The girl flickered briefly. Blinking, I looked at her more closely, and she flickered again. This time I got a good look at her. When Brooke flickered, she was much more masculine, completely flat chested, broader shoulders, a blockier face, and looking down she had some extra equipment in her pants.

“You're not a girl?!” I said.

Brooke cursed, muttered some words and he stopped flickering. “Damn, I forgot the time,” he said. “Look, things are easier in the girls dorm. Shut up, and I'll owe you.”

That was actually worth considering. Brooke might be an ass, but I had blackmail on him, and he was clearly a competent wizard.
Before I could come to a decision, the shadows around us moved. Brooke was yanked off his feet by an inky black tentacle, and I was wrapped up so tightly I couldn't move by second one.

What had Master Grieve said? Something about being eaten by shadows if we went to the wrong dorm. I didn't want to die. They had told me to go into the girls dorm. This wasn't fair.

An eyeless, humanoid entity that seemed to absorb almost all light, so it was impossible to make out any details, flowed out of the shadows.

“Name?” it asked Brooke, in a faint whisper that sounded like spiders crawling over rotten silk, it's lips almost brushing his skin.

“Brooke Marwood,” he replied, sounding like he was about to cry.

“Not on the list,” the shadow monster hissed. It's mouth opened impossibly wide, and Brooke was tossed screaming into its maw.

It turned to look at me. “Name?”

“Petra,” I started to say, my terrified mind making sure I remembered my new name perfectly.

Before I could say my last name, it spoke again. “On the list.”

It put me down, and I almost sobbed in relief. The shadow monster faded back into the shadows taking Brooke with it.

There were some screams from the girls who had seen everything. Despite being on the list, I started walking, right in the middle of the stairway, as far from the shadows as possible. Think like a girl, I told myself, don't let the scary tentacles know I was a boy. Boys are cute, dresses are wonderful, I wondered what makeup would go well with my complexion, pink is a very nice and good colour. Yes, oh monsters under the stairs, I am a girl, not a boy, never been a boy in my life, and I certainly wasn't trying to be a pervert by going into the girls dorm. Please don't eat me.

You can never be too careful after all.

I made it uneaten into a large room that was lined with tables, couches, big comfy chairs, and lots of fireplaces. My schoolmates were already lining up in front of a large table where some green female goblins were waiting for us.

“Make a line,” an ancient goblin with scraggly grey hair shouted in a voice like a strangled chicken. “Sign your name in the book, get your school uniform, get your room number. When the clock strikes five you may go to your room.”

The hundred or so girls all made a line, there was some shoving, mostly by the bigger girls who were carrying big scary weapons, although a few girls used magic to boot people out of the way. One blonde girl wearing a pink dress turned a warrior in plate mail into a sheep with a wave of her wand to protect her place in line. The flock of fairies I'd seen earlier dropped some heavy bags on the head of one girl and flew above her as whoever was in the box clapped and cheered. The bald barbarian with the scalps on her leather armour I'd seen at the airport, grabbed a black haired girl in a long flowing black robe by the neck, growled something and put her back down, from the growing puddle at the girls feet, whatever the barbarian had said was very effective.

Seeing all of that, I headed to the back of the line. Better late and alive than quick and dead.

Quite a few others thought the same way I did. And I found myself in a large group of normal looking girls from all around the world.

“Hi, I'm Ella,” a dark skinned girl with short crinkly hair said. “You were the one kicking the snot out of that boy earlier, right?”

“Yeah, that was me,” I said, blushing. “I'm Pet-ra.”

“Nice to meet you. So what did he do to deserve that?”

There was no way I was going to tell people I used to be a boy, my mind reached for the first excuse that wouldn't be too embarrassing. “He did some magic, so my clothes don't fit anymore,” I said, pulling at my baggy clothes.

“All of your clothes?” she asked, her voice full of sympathy.

“Yeah.”

She shook her head in astonishment. “Why did you let him live?”

“Didn't want too much blood on my shoes,” I muttered.

“So do you have any special talents?”

“I wish I could do something like that. All I've got is a hard knee. My parents just decided that I needed a good education and this was the best they could afford,” I said, brushing my now long hair out of my eyes for the tenth or twentieth time. I decided that I needed a haircut by the end of the week, if not sooner.

“Ouch, so you don't want to be here?” Ella asked, patting my shoulder sympathetically.

“No. I figure by the end of the week, I'm going to be dead. And since my parents decided I needed a well rounded education, I've been told I'll just be a big target for everyone. So I have multiple choices for my death.” I sniffed wondering who or what would get me first.

“It's not that bad. Most of the idiots are weeded out in the first month, once you survive that it gets easier. At least that's what my brothers and sisters said. Most of them came out of here in one piece,” she told me as if that was a big accomplishment.

“Most?”

She looked up at the ceiling. “Well my fiftieth brother used to be pretty big, now he looks like an eight year old, and twins. But they're doing really well as spies, no one expects a kid to be a spy master, and he can be in two places at once. There was also my twentieth sister, she's working as a royal seamstress. She doesn't talk much anymore, but she's a wonder when it comes to clothes, probably because she's only made of clothes now. My oldest brother he didn't make it out, Daddy said he was too ambitious, and he challenged Sir Grieve who was the new weapons master at the time to a duel. The school gave him a wonderful funeral. One of my other sisters, I can't remember if she's the fortieth or thirty-eighth, left halfway through her third year, no one knows why but she screams whenever she see's glitter, abstract art, or croissants. My fourth brother, turned into a half dragon, his head to be precise, he has to use a wheelbarrow to get around now. My hundredth brother and my ninty-first sister had a spell go wrong, and now they're my single brother/sister. Then-”

“How many siblings do you have?” I asked in amazement.

Ella began counting on her fingers. “Last time I checked, three hundred and fifty seven. But I could be off by a few dozen, what with new ones being born all the time and political and family disputes getting rid of the unlucky ones.”

My jaw dropped. “How does your family get enough money to eat? And what about your mother?”

“Oh money isn't a problem. My father is the Emperor of the Arp Empire. My mother is wife number two hundred fifty nine, she quite enjoys it actually, plenty of time to work on her experiments, and there's always test subjects available. How about your family?” she asked.

I'd had so many weird things happen to me over the last twelve hours, I didn't even blink at the news that I was in front of royalty. “I'm an only child, I actually think my parents wanted to be childless. And my Dad is an accountant for Goblin Co., and my Mom owns a dress shop.”

“That sounds so nice. So no one tries to poison anyone at supper?”

“Only if my grandmother comes over and insists on cooking. I think that's mostly accidental though.”

We had finally reached the table, so we stopped talking as we signed in. I had to remember my name was Petra, and I was quickly ushered down another table to where a goblin was handing out school uniforms. I noticed that Ella was going to a second one.

“Size?” she asked, her brown fangs made it hard to understand what she was saying.

“Um, I don't know. I'm kind of new to all of this,” I admitted.

The tiny monster sighed, pulled out a tape measure and threw it at me. The tape stretched out, and measured every inch of my body, actually getting under my clothes to get a better measure. A minute later it was done, and six sets of clothes were lying on the table in front of me. The first clothes were more like black leather straps with a lot of buckles, that would just barely cover me. Honestly I'd owned bathing suits that had more fabric, only the leather cloak gave it any modesty. The second outfit was similar to the first, but made up of silky scarves and a top that would just cover my new breasts. The next one was padded leather, with quite a few spikes and belts to hang weapons from. The fourth was a billowing red robe that would conceal everything except my face and hands, and with a bit of work would probably conceal even those. The fifth was a pair of leather pants and a white blouse. The final one was a modest blue dress.

“What ones do you want?” the goblin asked.

I tried to think, the first outfit and second outfits were a big NO, I didn't even know how to put on something like that. The padded armour would be nice, but wearing it everyday might give the wrong impression that I was looking for a fight. Hiding my body would be nice, but I didn't think I could really run in it. I liked the pants and shirt. The dress would be odd to wear, but it would help me blend in, and it didn't look too embarrassing.

“I'll take one leather suit, three pants and blouses, and two dresses. And do you have underwear to?” I whispered.

The goblin nodded, reached under the table and handed me a bag that seemed to be full of clothes. She pointed me to another table, and went to deal with another student.

When I reached the table, the goblin handed me a large key with a number on it. I took it and thanked the monster, and wondered what I should do until five o'clock which was several hours away, thanks to the change in time zone. My stomach was already grumbling that it was well past suppertime. Then I saw some of the larger and more powerful girls walking up to the smaller students who had just gotten their keys. They were taking the keys by force, threats, and magic. The bald barbarian, had one poor girl upside down shaking her. A tiger was hungrily licking its lips while it's owner talked quietly to a group of girls who were cowering in a corner, holding their keys in front of them. Five or six sheep were walking around, while the girl in a pink dress put several keys onto a key ring. As I looked around it just kept getting worse.

Watching at the growing chaos, as people threatened and fought for keys, I overheard a girl saying, “I've heard that the keys are really important. If you have a bunch you get a reward.”

Looking around, I couldn't figure out who had said it, but I couldn't look for long, a girl with glittering scales and blowing fire from her nose was coming straight for me.

I was going to die.

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Author's Notes:

This story, along with Necromancer Unmanned and Trapped in the Oubliette, will be updated every two weeks without fail.

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