Chapter 2 “All At Sea”

Jean looked at her information sheet. “Actually, there’s a note here that tells us that the first day out is ‘come as you are’. This allows those not fully into the role to take it slowly. I expect that we’ll see a few sights in the dining room tonight but these will become less as the cruise continues."

"I see here, that now we’re on ‘B’ Deck, we have our own dedicated salon and shop. I expect the dresses here would be a little more expensive than down in the lower decks but, at least, we’ll be able to take our time over our choices. I think that we have enough time this afternoon to make a statement.”

Her son looked at her, “In what way?”

“Well, you may as well start as you mean to go on. Comparatively few on the ship are transgender and many women come on board just for the experience. How about we make an appointment at our salon first, to tidy us both up, and then we can hit the dining room tonight as a couple of classy women. If you act as well as you do on stage we can get through the next six weeks with everyone thinking that you are, indeed, my daughter and it will make everything so much smoother.”

She smiled inwardly as Sheldon nodded, and went into the cabin to call the salon. When she came back she had another two glasses of wine and she sat on her sunbed, putting one into Shelly’s hand.

“We have an appointment for two. I have a short one so I’ll go and explore the shops while you get the full treatment. When I get back to you I’ll have some underwear and outer wear for you to change into and then we can walk about as a couple of women without drawing any snide remarks.”

“Why would I get snide remarks if I pass as good as you say I do?”

“I was actually talking about me, Shelly. I know that I’ve spent too much time working since your father died and let myself go. It took you leaving and not coming home to make me realise just what I’ve done with my life. I’m a good psychiatrist but, with you, I made a classic blunder of looking at the clues and getting the wrong answer. That proves that I needed this holiday if I don’t want to burn out before my retirement.”

They sat and watched the world go by as the ship sailed out through the Solent and then turned on a course that would take them to the first port of call. If he were asked, Sheldon would say that his world had turned on its head. He was in a situation with his mother that he could hardly believe. She was treating him like an adult, giving him her time and, best of all, was not smothering him the way she had done before he had left home.

They finished their drinks and went to their bedrooms to sort out their cases. Shelly found an ensuite with just about every lotion, potion soap and spray you could need. There was a vanity with a drawer full of cosmetics and, as a surprise, a towelling robe hanging in the wardrobe alongside a very colourful satin one. In the bedside drawer Shelly found a nightdress that went with it, something that had never graced his body, never acting in a bedroom farce. He looked at everything he had brought in the case, closed it up and put it on the shelf in the wardrobe.

At two they presented themselves at the salon and Sheldon started the biggest pre-show treatment he had ever experienced. The woman that worked on him had all the latest equipment and told him how and why it was being used as she removed much of the hair below his forehead. She glued breasts on him and did something with his testicles and penis that didn’t bear thinking about. When she finished she told him that everything was good until the end of the cruise but to make sure he made another appointment to be unstuck a couple of days before they docked. He was then given a robe to wear while he was made beautiful.

He knew that this would be successful because he had done it before but this time, with a whole new feeling around his groin, it felt different. By the time Jean arrived with some bags he was fully made up with extensions in his hair that took it past his shoulders and now sported studs in each ear.

Jean waited until she was finished and then handed Shelly the bags and told her to dress. Shelly went into a cubicle and came back out fifteen minutes later so definitely female both Jean and the salon lady gasped.

Julian stood behind his bar and looked out at the sea of faces around him. He had sailed with this ship for some years and thought that he had seen everything there was to see. Tonight he saw the usual crowd. About twenty were obviously guys in dresses who had come on the cruise hoping for a miracle. There were about a dozen who were still in their guy attire, no doubt plucking up the courage to leap that extra hurdle. These were the ones he had to watch out for as it was this group that would often get too drunk to even start the process. These were often the ones that left at the first port.

Then there were the ladies. This cruise did attract many middle-aged doyens of society looking for a recharge and, he had to admit, by the end of the cruise it usually worked. Then he looked at the door as two women walked in that made him blink. One was mature but really quite beautiful while the other must be her daughter who needed nothing that this cruise offered. He served drinks as he watched them wander towards the bar and then they were in front of him and ordering two dry whites.

The younger one smiled at him as she looked at his name-badge, “Julian, I hope you have plenty of this on board. It’s a lovely wine.”

“It’s an Italian product, madam. We’ll be picking up some more when we dock, later on. It does go to the head quite quickly if you let it.”

“Lovely, that’s all I need to help me sleep. I hope they serve it with dinner tonight.”

He watched as the two of them wandered off and he wondered if he had just fallen in love. He would have to ask her name when she came up to the bar next time.

When the dinner was over she came back to his bar and he poured her a dry white without waiting for her to order.

“Alone madam?”

“My mother is feeling a little tired. Maybe she had too much wine with her Dover Sole. I’ve just finished university so have a better head for alcohol.”

“May I be so bold to ask your name? I think that you and I may be having more of these conversations before the cruise ends?”

“I’m Shelly, Shelly Temple. Don’t laugh, that’s my name and my mother is Doctor Jean Temple, who has sent a lot of girls on this cruise. She thought that I needed a break after my studies and also thought that a cruise would do her good as well. I am quite looking forward to learning things as we sail, it doesn’t do any harm to be shown new things.”

“I have to say, Shelly, that there’s nothing here on this ship that would improve your beauty. I am smitten but I think my husband would disapprove if I went straight.”

“Oh, you sweet boy. I’ll do my best to steer you off the straight and narrow before we part. Thank you for the compliment and for this wonderful wine. I must go now, I’ll see you tomorrow. I haven’t yet found out what we have in store.”

“Goodnight, Shelly. Make sure you wear your ‘fun’ necklace tomorrow. I have a premonition that you will amass enough points to win the first prize when we’re sailing back.”

Next morning a speaker in the bedroom woke Shelly with some soothing music before telling her that breakfast will be starting in half an hour and there was to be a range of classes after. She was directed to look in her brochure and not forget her ‘fun’ necklace.

She got out of bed, wondering about the very good sleep she had enjoyed, and also why she had dreams about being chased by a gay barman. As she sat on the edge of the bed in her nightdress she could feel the touch of the satin on her body and the feel of her hair across her shoulders. She whispered “Time for Act Two, Shelly” to herself and stood to go into the ensuite.

It wasn’t the first time she had sat to pee since yesterday in the salon but it still made her wonder at the sheer femininity of the act. After a shower she hung the shower cap on a hook, brushed her teeth and contemplated all of the powders and scents she had to choose from. In the cold light of morning she noticed something that she had missed before. Most of the products had ‘Avian Laboratories’ in small writing on the label. Wasn’t that the company her mother had spoken about yesterday?

Looking harder she saw that the cleansing products she had used last night were similarly branded and, back in the bedroom, she found that many of the cosmetics had originated from the same company. Her sharp brain took it all in and she realised how they could afford salaries that had amazed her mother. The value of the cosmetic industry almost outweighed that of weapons and certainly more than was spent on general health.

Jean had bought more than just her dress from last night. In her wardrobe she had a small range of skirts and tops and a couple of summery shifts. It wouldn’t be enough for the whole trip but was enough to get by for a few days. She quickly dressed in one of the shifts and gave herself a daytime face at the vanity, something she had done many times before a show. After teasing her hair into a reasonable look and putting on the necklace she went out to find Jean sitting at a table in their lounge, poring over the cruise brochure.

“Good morning, Mummy, dear.”

“Well, good morning, darling daughter. I had a wonderful sleep last night. That wine worked so well I may use it again. Did you stay up late?”

“No, I just sat in the bar for a short while and came back to clean my face and get some sleep as well. I believe that today we have to wear this necklace. Have you seen anything we can do this morning after breakfast?”

“Yes, today there are a few basic classes before we dock at Oporto. They look as if they run these for almost a week so everyone can do all of them before they move to more advanced classes. You can do basic make-up, basic dressing or basic hair-styles. Angel, from our salon, runs the first and Sally does the dressing. She is one of my successes, I won’t tell you what she was like before coming to me but I think I went a long way towards saving her life.”

They went off to get breakfast, a buffet style affair. When they had their trays full they found a table and sat to eat. As Shelly looked around she saw that most of the dining room was set up with small tables for two. She wondered how long it would be before groups emerged from this assortment of individuals. One of the crew was wandering around, going from table to table with what looked like a point-of-sale reader. At their table she asked them to put their pendant against the reader while she punched in a number and Shelly was curious.

“How does this work? I thought that you were just noting who was here but you look like you are adding something?”

“You’re very observant, young lady. The reader takes your name and passenger number from the pendant and I add a number that is my estimation of your beauty, or lack of it. I do this every morning. The reader then adds that back to the chip in the pendant. I won’t tell you what I have input but, so far, you do have the highest number this morning. It all goes towards your ‘fun’ points. Enjoy your first full day on board.”

After breakfast Jean went off to learn what she had been doing wrong with her face for the last forty years while Shelly went to learn something new about clothes. She really just wanted to gaze at Sally but found that there was an awful lot she didn’t know and her desire to learn took over. She was told the names of the different styles, the names of the different cuts, the way you wore things and the why and when of fashion. She became fascinated by the complexity of it all and, when it got to the demonstrations, she found herself picked as a model.

The first time they were in a changing booth, Sally whispered, “You’re certainly better looking than yesterday when you arrived. Your mother used to show me pictures of you on stage to encourage me when I saw her. I chose you because of your acting and I hope you’ve not lost any of your actor’s quick-change ability because, together, we may be able to show off all the items I had planned this morning.”

Shelly pushed her feelings towards Sally to the back of her mind and brought all of her stage skills to the party. Together they went through a whole range of outfits for every day, every evening and every occasion. At the end of the three hour class she had learned so much that she felt her head would burst. They had imparted a lot of knowledge to the assembled students of dress along with an appreciation of the wonders of looking fabulous. Sally took her pendant and smiled when she input the number before asking, “Can you come back the next two days? I can ask the others to fit you in for one-on-one sittings so you don’t miss out.”

When Shelly nodded Sally gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. When they went back out on deck, Shelly saw that they were now moored in Oporto Harbour and the speakers announced that the boats to the city would start after lunch and continue until seven.

At lunch they compared experiences. Jean was amazed at all the things her own mother hadn’t told her and the mistakes she had made most of her life. The fact that she looked radiant and a few years younger was all the proof that was needed to show that the class was a success. Shelly related her own time and told her mother that there was so much she had never known and it had opened up a whole new world of fashion looks. When she said that Sally wanted her to be at the next two days class Jean lifted one eyebrow and asked her about missing the other classes. Shelly explained that Sally was going to organise it so she didn’t miss out.

As they were finishing lunch Sally came by their table with the pendant reader. “The tour of Porto is mainly a tourist spot route today. We don’t get into the fashion visits until later on in the cruise. If you want, Shelly, I can get Angel to give you the make-up class this afternoon in her salon. Jean, you may like to have a refresher to make sure you look as good as you do now for some time to come.”

They both agreed that it would be nice so, that afternoon, they walked to the salon on their deck where Angel cleaned off both their faces and then went through the entire process with one watching her work on the other and then swapping places, all the while telling them what she was doing and why she was doing it. By five they were almost ankle deep in smeared tissues and had made each other up several times as well as learning to make themselves truly beautiful for every occasion. Shelly was now almost an expert after her original training for the stage.

They then walked into the dress shop and tried a few things on before deciding on a pair of dresses to wear tonight. This evening, as they sailed south, there was to be entertainment after dinner and they both knew, instinctively, that they should look as good as they could. Jean and Shelly were becoming closer than Jean and Sheldon had ever been.

As they left their cabin that evening they met another couple of women leaving one of the other staterooms. Greetings were exchanged and the four of them walked into the dining room to ask for a table for four. Jean and Shelly chatted with Veronica and Jasmin as they ate. The two were sisters who had married young, had families and were now back on their own after both their husbands had died. Between them, they owned the majority stock of a publishing house in New York and were taking this trip as a gift to themselves as well as to see if they could recharge their batteries. Both had been at the dress class that morning.

“You were wonderful in that class, this morning. I was saying to Veronica that you must be a crew member but she told me that she had seen you two at breakfast. You were very quick with the changes; you must have had a lot of practice?”

“I’ve had a bit of previous experience. I’ve been in several plays over my school time and have been in several Cambridge Reviews in the last few years. I must say that it was hard work this morning but Sally has persuaded me to be her model again for the class tomorrow.”

“I have to agree with Jasmin, you were up there with some of the best we’ve worked with. We have a few fashion and women’s magazines in our stable and have met many professional models. I think that you would give most of them a run for their money.”

“Thank you, kind ladies. That really is a compliment, considering that it was the first time I had done so many changes in a short time. I hoped that I did the outfits justice.”

They all drank the dry white that evening after Jean recommended it and they were all very cheerful as they walked into the theatre, having to present the pendant at the door reader before they entered. The theatre was big enough for all of the passengers and Shelly noted that it was very well built with a good slope to the stage and plenty of lighting. When the passengers that attended were all comfortable the compere strolled onto the stage. It was one of the male members of the crew in a fetching tux and looked very handsome. He welcomed the audience to the first night of fun and laughter and then the show started.

It was fairly typical for anyone who had seen a sea-side variety show and Shelly thought that they did it very well. There was a lot of laughter and finished with a session of sing-a-longs that just about everyone joined in with. To Shelly’s tuned ears some should have kept their mouths shut but they did have fun and that’s all that counted on this ship.

At the end of the show the compere came back on stage. “Ladies and ladies, we have done our best and the crew thanks you for your appreciation. Now, it’s your turn.” He turned as a karaoke machine was wheeled onto the stage. “Do we have any volunteers?”

There was a deathly silence and a muted titter when a few hands went up. “Thank you, ladies. I’m sure that you won’t regret it, until after!”

Jean nudged Shelly and whispered “Go on, I’ve heard you on stage before in that version of Oklahoma, you’ll do well.” Jasmin, on the other side of her, said “If you go up, so will I!”

Shelly nodded and put her hand up and the two of them made their way to the stage. There was a line of the five volunteers and five seats were put on stage for them. They were all given a list of songs, separated by genre. Shelly immediately looked at the listing for female pop stars and saw several that she knew would suit her voice. She then looked at the shows section and saw a number of songs from Oklahoma. Jasmin pointed them out as well and whispered, “These may be good if we do a duet.”

The compere announced that the five of them would be competing for ‘fun’ points with the last one left winning. One by one the other three went up, chose their song and took a microphone. Two out of the first three, were only in it for the fun. Shelly went up and chose an Amy Whitehouse number and made it her own, with much applause. Jasmin chose a Madonna standard and nailed it. With the second round Shelly chose Adele while Jasmin sang another Madonna number. Both were way ahead of the other remaining contestant, who had chosen something far too adventurous.

The compere got them to sit while the other three were ushered off the stage with their pendants now having added points for being part of the fun. Jasmin and Shelly conferred and they asked the compere if they could do I’m just a Girl who cain’t say No, followed by Many a New Day from the Oklahoma set and he nodded and smiled. “If you girls do that we’ll end the evening with Oklahoma and I’ll get the others out on stage with you. It’s something we’ve done before on a cowboy cruise.

He went off backstage as Shelly went and pressed the right button and then did her best ‘little girl in a gingham dress’ impression as she sang the song with a lot of laughter from the audience. She pressed the correct button for Jasmin as she handed over the microphone and Jasmin nailed the wistful, Many a New Day. There was more applause and Jasmin hit the button for the title number and they shared the microphone with a karaoke duet, the rest of the cast coming back on stage behind them and joining in as they raced to the rousing conclusion. Everyone was laughing, the audience were on their feet and Sally came over and gave them both a big hug.

As the noise died down the compere announced the competition was a dead heat and they had to pause at a pendant reader as they left the stage. The audience was now making their way to bed or the bar and Jean hugged Shelly while Veronica hugged Jasmin. They made their way to the bar themselves, a slow process due to so many of the passengers congratulating the two of them.

A glass of dry white later they had all calmed down. Jasmin declared that she had so much fun it had been worth the cost of the trip already. Jean congratulated her on her singing and she told them she had sung in church for many years and had also sung in a few musicals with her local dramatic society. They finally weaved their way back to the staterooms where they had a hugging session before going off to their beds.

In the lounge Jean turned to Shelly and held her close in a loving embrace. “I’m so proud of you. That was a wonderful finale to the evening. It looked as if you had all planned it.”

“The compere said that they had done the musical for one of the cowboy cruises they do so I suppose it came as second nature. I’m starting to get an appreciation of just how good this crew are at a lot of things. I wonder what they’ll come up with as we sail. Tonight, though, I’m bushed so I’ll wish you goodnight, Mum. That was more fun than I’ve had in ages.”

Marianne Gregory © 2022