So the last chapter of The Hands of the Morri is posted.
Enjoy the last bit of adventures of Asche and Nibs. I really like the story and have begun the edits based off material I researched, such as armor types and the like. I would love your feedback on the story so I can incorporate it into the edits. The story is expanding as I go and I have already turned one chapter into two, so that's going well. The final word count for this was just shy of 50k so I am looking to nearly double the size of the book with the edits.
With my process, I do two edit passes where I try to add story bits that give more detail and more meat. Then there is a pass where I just focus on sensory details, in case I haven't added enough of that. Lastly, I edit from back to front, cutting out excess words and making sure the grammar is correct. After that it's in good working order and I can start to ship it out to find a publisher. DAW, Berkley, and TOR are high on my list, because it is honestly right up their alleys.
So please, give me your comments, opinions, likes, dislikes, so I can use them to craft this as best as possible. I really like this first draft, love the characters especially Nibs, and think the story is interesting. Please help me make it better.
Comments
I really enjoyed this story
I don't know what kind of comments I could make that would improve it?
Well, what things you liked
Well, what things you liked and disliked. Characters you enjoyed or didn't. Things like that. Did it feel real? Did it have a good pace? Were the challenges they faced appropriate? Stuff like that.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
I'll try to sit down starting
I'll try to sit down starting tomorrow to read through it. I'll _try_ to remember to put it in a note sheet, and send something like one PM per 5-10 chapters.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
That could work. Whatever
That could work. Whatever method you use will be fine with me.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
clarifiction
While it may need no explanation on this site, I think you need to show why the young man was willing to join a female army and except the sex change involved better. Perhaps a fairly long flashback when he is asked why he is enlisting? You should be able to milk Nibs point of view for comedy more often as human behavior is beyond his "bird brain". If, as I suspect, the woman who became a Sword (sorry forgot the name) is to be an important character going forward then she needs to be fleshed out more. Altogether I liked this outline and think it has potential. One more suggestion: make at least a crude map. It will help you be consistent going forward.
I hear you about the map. I'm
I hear you about the map. I'm trying to keep myself focused on it but it hasn't happened yet. Adding the cardinal direction traveled might help s well.
And I have been expanding the reason that he left his village. Its not pretty and is motivating. And I am trying to expand the role of the rest of the Recon people, especially Tigh (the Sword). That will certainly help things.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
The storyline is quite good with huge potential for a series
I would've liked to have read a preface about the universe that is being written about as an orientation of the time period and other criteria.
That's an interesting idea. I
That's an interesting idea. I'll think about that.
Heather
We are the change that will save the world.
Soon
I haven’t had the time to look yet will get to it soon.
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna