TopShelf TG Fiction in the BigCloset!
After spending most of my life distrusting and hating men, it seems that has been mostly a waste of time. Thousands and thousands of dollars are spent trying to find someone to help us feel right. In the final analysis it is up to us to live the way that seems right to us and save our money.
Gwen
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Comments
Can you clarify
Are you saying you are conflicted with having transitioned or are you conflicted about liking men or not?
I do not understand your post.
I Totally Agree That We Are Responsible For Our Own Attitudes
However, part of that responsibility might include seeking and using professional guidance.
I've been driving a car for nearly seventy years . . . yet there are aspects of car maintenance I'm not capable of handling. And, if I was asked to drive in a NASCAR event I would need training.
I've been a professional advisor for over fifty years and have consistently delivered the best advice I could. I sometimes missed the mark and damaged my client. When that happened I did what I could to mitigate. I've delivered advice to well over a million customers and had to resolve minor issues less than ten times.
Life is not perfect.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
I Like Men, Women
Even though I like both sexes, I'm not having intimate relationships with either. Like or dislike is up to each individual. We are allowed choices in our lives, which most seem to misunderstand. It's not as if one doesn't like women it makes them a serial killer, no more than if one doesn't like men, ditto. Correct me if I'm wrong but weren't you abused as a child and your growing up years? Good enough reason to not like men. All men are not those men and is your dislike misplaced on all men?
Being trans is hard enough to deal with when one has no support or if hatred and abuse is directed at one for exhibiting trans in any form. It's up to the individual whether they allow the past to make them a better or bitter person.
1 Corinthians 12
Hugs Gwen
Barb
Life is meant to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Happiness
I spent my marriage trying to make my spouse happy. After the divorce I came to realize that nobody can make you happy. Being happy is up to you and cannot depend on any other person.
Like everything there is good and bad, and like Jill mentioned sometimes even the good make mistakes. Also sometimes the bad get lucky.
Hugs
Gabi
Xtrim
Gwen, that seems a little simplistic
There are people, professional or just friends, who can help facilitate a better life, be it financial advice or lifestyle or medical. There are times when we can all use advice, though we usually don't listen to it. Being happy is an individual thing, and is frequently only recognised on reflection, it's also rather transitory. Being content is something that has a longer-term possibility.
These days I aim for contentment and if some joy or happiness occurs as well, I'll take it. Sometimes we expect too much, I'm trying to do less of that because it makes me judgemental and I have no right to judge anyone. I'm also trying to be less hard on myself when I get it wrong, a fairly regular occurrence these days, some of which is just getting older.
Don't be too hard on yourself and remember the people who helped mess you up are probably no longer in practice and I would suggest that most health professionals are better now than they were when I started.
Angharad
Hatred and Conflict
Hi Gwen,
I have to say that I find this blog puzzling in many ways.
I assume that you are M2F and hate and distrust men as a woman.
My experience of men as a woman was that they only wanted sex, but that was no surprise to me. Girls like us should know.
The inability to find a true relationship was one reason for backing out.
I love women because I am one in my soul, but I am not a lesbian. I have always desired a relationship with a man as a woman.
Living as a man I enjoy the company of men. I sometimes imagine myself standing among them as a woman and wondering what they might think of me or whether they could desire me. Is that weird?
"What are you grinning at?" Of course, I can't tell them.
But I would not be standing there. I probably would not trust them to treat me right. But I don't hate them.
Is gender identity a conflict? Not for me. You identify as male or female, or something else. The conflict might arise as to what you want to do about it.
The dollars spent to make you feel right I assume is paid for therapies. I have never gone down that track but I understand it works for some. It does not surprise me that you have finally concluded that the answer lies within.
I wish you well and hope that your conflict is not real.
Maryanne
I'm very similar to you
I'm very similar to you Maryanne. My interactions with men with myself in a feminine persona are different than they are as when in a make persona. Men tend to put up a cheerful facade with other men. When I have interacted with them as an apparent female, I can see their nervousness and vulnerability.
Yes most of them still want sex, but not just that. So many have been hurt by women and don't trust them. Emotionally I mean.
I totally understand. If I was bitten by a black dog, I'd hate black dogs. That's human nature.
Leeanna
Dealing with men.
oops. double clicked.
Dealing with men.
Like you Gwen, I had a catastrophic early life and undoubtedly, the main cause of that catastrophe was men. Despite this, I had to make my way so I just built an invisible wall around me and never let men into my life. This was relatively easy because I'm not sexually attracted to men. To this day I rarely socialise with men except to deal with them at arm's length.
Gender conflict was for me the seemingly perpetual hurricane sea upon which my boat was forced to float. I had no choice but to accept it and then get on with the other components of my living.