The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 4 Christmas Magic

“What do you mean Dad won’t be there,” I asked Grandma before taking another bite of breakfast?

Grandma looked over at Jill before looking back at me, “Your Dad is leaving home this morning to stay at a hotel for a few days.”

“Is that blockhead brother of mine refusing to face his daughter?”

Grandma smiled at Aunt Jessica, “Dad and I tried to convince him, but he wouldn’t calm down enough to listen to reason. I am sure he will accept reality once he calms down.”

“If he doesn’t,” I asked Grandma before looking over at Jill?

Grandma looked at me, Jill, and cousin Mary before giving Aunt Jessica a look. I suspected I knew what that look meant. Was I actually going to lose my Dad, just for putting on a dress?

“What if I . . .”

“Suzy,” Grandma interrupted me. “A person needs to be themselves. You need to be yourself. A parent’s job is to support their child as they discover who they are, not to force you to be someone you are not. The truth has finally come out. Don’t go back into hiding just because one person is being stubborn.”

I moved my spoon around in my cereal bowl while staring down into it. I don’t know how long I had been sitting there, but when Aunt Jessica took my bowl half full of soggy cereal away, the only other person still at the table was grandma, taking an occasional sip from her cup of coffee. She smiled at me when I looked up.

“Some things in life are hard to do,” Grandma stated. “Everyone in this house supports you in discovering your true self, but not everyone will. Why don’t you go pack up your stuff and join your sister and cousin down in the playroom.”

As I was putting stuff in the suitcase, Aunt Jessica came in with another bag to put the hand-me-down clothes in, “I suppose the book we got you for Christmas wasn’t exactly the type you like.”

“It was a very nice gift . . .”

“You do that a lot Suzy, don’t you,” Aunt Jessica asked? “Answer questions without letting your true feelings be known. I guess you have had to, haven’t you?”

“I can’t let people know what I feel or think.”

Aunt Jessica hugged me and kissed me on my forehead, “Here, in this house, you can.”

I gave her a weak smile.

“So, what did you think about the book?”

“No interest in reading it, but I am forcing myself to read it.”

“You’re being nice. Mary wouldn’t even bother trying to read it,” Aunt Jessica said as she put clothes in the suitcase. “Mary said you can pick out any ten books you want from the bookshelf in the playroom. She has read all of those books.”

“I don’t want to take her books.”

“You aren’t taking them, Suzy. She is giving them to you. You just get to pick them out yourself versus us deciding.”

“Thank You,” I smiled at Aunt Jessica.

“You’re so sweet. My brother is an idiot to treat you like this.”

“Daddy is just . . .”

“No, Suzy,” Aunt Jessica interrupted me. “Don’t make excuses for him. You are a sweet young lady, and he is an idiot for not seeing that in you. The way he is dealing with this situation is inappropriate and mean to you.”

I gave a weak smile back.

“I’ve got this,” Aunt Jessica said. “Why don’t you go down to the girls.”

Leaving the room, I wondered if she was right. Was Dad being mean to me, or was I mean to him? I got my one day as Suzy, even got an extra day. Do I deserve to have any more? Dad didn’t even think I ought to have that one day. I chuckled to myself as I realized that I couldn’t change back into my boy clothes even if I wanted to. They are all back at my house.

When I walked into the playroom, Mary was putting fingernail polish on Jilly’s fingers. I smiled, looked at my nails, and frowned. Just another thing I have always wanted but will never get to experience. I headed over to the bookcase to see what Mary had. I wasn’t sure why I was bothering since part of me was certain that Mom would take away all my girl things as soon as I got home.

I had gone through and picked out fifteen books. Mary came over as I tried to narrow them down to just ten.

“Great selection of books you have there,” Mary said. “And don’t forget the one you were reading last night. The Secret Garden, I think.”

I looked at the books and put the three American Girl books I had picked out back in the bookcase.

“Why’d you do that,” Mary inquired? “You’ll love reading those.”

“Wouldn’t want to mess up your set, and I can only have ten books.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mary said, looking between the books on the table, the bookcase, and me. “I did say just ten books, didn’t I. Forget it. Get those three back out and take all the ones you have here. I rarely reread books, and I know where to go if I want to reread any of these.”

“You sure?”

“No,” Mary admitted with a slight chuckle. “So, take the books before I come to my senses and realize what I have just done. Here, I’ll help you bring them up to the kitchen. Mom has paper bags up there we can put them in.”

As I grabbed about half the books, I looked over at Jilly. She was sitting down on the couch, watching a Disney show. I smiled at her waving her hands back and forth to dry the fingernail polish.

After getting the books in a bag, we went into the living room where Grandma and Aunt Jessica were.

“Hi girls,” Grandma smiled at us as we sat down. “We have a while before we need to go. Mary, why don’t you get out that Jewelry Making kit I got you for Christmas, and the two of you make some stuff.”

“Come on, Suzy,” Mary stood up. “The Grown-ups want to talk without us babies hearing them.”

“Mary! No one is calling you a baby or treating you like one,” Aunt Jessica reprimanded. Turning to grandma, Aunt Jessica said, “Sorry, Mom, Mary has been a bit emotional lately.”

“You mean she is acting just like you did at that age.”

“I was never that bad,” Aunt Jessica objected.

Mary looked at her mom and Grandma.

“Go, Mary,” Grandma said. “Before your mom digs herself deeper into a whole.”

Mary and I giggled as we went off to her room. Mary got her Jewelry making kit, and we settled down at the living room table to give us lots of space. I had made a necklace and was working on a bracelet when Grandma left.

“I wonder where she is going,” I said as I continued to put beads on the string. “I thought she was taking us home.”

Mary looked off into the living room where her mom was still sitting down, “I heard them talking earlier that Grandma would visit your house before she took you two home. Something about making sure it was going to be ready.”

We both worked in silence before Mary asked, “Did your dad actually threaten to whip you, just for putting on a dress?”

“Yeah,” I closed my eyes as I recalled the event. “I was scared. Dad has never even spanked me or Jilly. I knew I made a mistake putting the dress on, but I didn’t realize how big a mistake it was until I saw the way he looked at me.”

“Grandma gave you the dress for Christmas,” Cousin Mary pointed out. “How can it be wrong to put on some clothes Grandma gave you? Strange maybe that you would want to, but not wrong.”

“I have enjoyed wearing the dresses, getting my hair done, and even doll shopping, but I still think it was a mistake to put the dress on in the first place. We would be happy at home with Mom and Dad if I hadn’t.”

“Would you have been,” Mary asked? “I mean, well . . . you seem happier now than you did on Christmas. You’re almost . . . bubbly.”

I looked down at the outfit I was wearing and then back at Mary with a big smile, “This time getting to be Suzy has been the best Christmas gift anyone has ever gotten me. I’ve asked Santa for this ever since . . . since . . . Do you remember that yellow dress you wore for school pictures when I was in Kindergarten?”

“Oh, my 1st-grade school picture dress. I loved that one. Mom did my hair up in pigtails with ribbons and even used the curling iron to curl the pigtails a little and my bangs,” Mary got a big smile on her face as she looked off into the distance before focusing back on me. “Yeah, what about it?”

“That was the first time I can recall knowing that I was different. I so wanted a dress just like yours. Everything from the pigtails to the Disney princess light-up sneakers. I commented to one of the other boys in my class about how I wished I had outfits like that for school pictures instead of the stupid dress pants and a button-down shirt. Bobby told me I was very weird. Boys don’t wear dresses, and then he promptly questioned why anyone would ever want their hair done up crazy like that.”

“Boys don’t know what they are missing,” Mary commented.

“I grew to hate school picture day,” I said, not looking at Mary. “I got to see all these great outfits that I could never have and the hairstyles. Mom always takes me to cut my hair short just before school pictures. That was probably the biggest reminder that I was not a girl, no matter what my brain and heart were telling me. I eventually accepted that I could never wear a dress, but then the secret Christmas gift from Grandma was on my bed.”

“Secret?”

“Yeah, did you see me open it with the other presents when you were there,” I asked?

Mary thought and responded, “No.”

“When she was leaving, she whispered in my ear that she put a special gift on my bed, saying it would be something I would really like. With all my gifts always being stuff for boys, I knew I wouldn’t like it. I sure was surprised when I saw what was in the box. I don’t know how Grandma knew . . .”

I was interrupted by Mary, “Grandma always knows what we really want. I’ve gotten some of my best gifts from Grandma.”

“Two days as Suzy certainly has been an amazing gift. One I have asked Santa for ever since I saw you in that school picture dress. I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life. I just wish it didn’t have to end.”

“It doesn’t,” Mary declared. “Everyone knows now, so you don’t have to go back to being Lewis.”

I looked down at the table and shook my head back and forth as tears started to flow, “When I leave here, I will have to stop being Suzy and go back to being Lewis.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you get it, Mary,” I said with a raised voice. “Mom and Dad will never let me be Suzy. Dad won’t even be in the same house as me. To be loved by Mom and Dad, I have to be Lewis. I can never be Suzy, ever again.”

I got up and ran off through the living room. Opening the sliding glass door, I went into the backyard. I knew exactly where to go. I had played hide-and-seek enough times in this yard. There was a small space behind the tool shed before the backyard fence. No one could see me there, but it didn’t occur to me that the tracks in the snow would lead anyone straight to me.

Aunt Jessica was soon following me, calling out my name. I didn’t respond. I . . . I just couldn’t deal with this anymore.

“Mary,” I heard Aunt Jessica say. “Go back into the house. I’ll deal with this. Go see how Jilly is doing.”

I knew Aunt Jessica was standing at the opening to this area behind the shed, but I didn’t look up at her. After a few minutes, she came over to me and sat down next to me on the ground. She didn’t say a word, just sat there.

After several minutes I asked, “Why did I have to be born a misfit kid? Do they have an island for misfit kids, as they do for misfit toys?”

“The island of misfit toys is only make-believe, dear, and you are not a misfit.”

“Dad and Mom don’t want me, so yes, I am a misfit kid. I’m rejected just like the misfit toys were.”

Aunt Jessica smiled and squeezed, “Santa found all those toys new homes where they would be loved, just like Rudolf promised. I promise you, Suzy. You will get through this and have family and friends who love you as Suzy.”

I leaned my head onto Aunt Jessica and cried.

“I am sorry, Suzy. I’m sorry you have to go through this. No kid should ever feel rejected by their parents. Your grandparents, sister, and everyone in this house will love and support you no matter what. I know you only really want two people to love you. I think they will in time. Give them a chance.”

“I’ll just go back to being Lewis, and everything will go back to normal.”

“It’s too late for that now,” Aunt Jessica pointed out with a squeeze. “You have let Suzy out, and she can never really be put away again. We could pretend none of this ever happened, but everyone would know the truth. How we all interact with you will forever be impacted by that. I don’t want to forget Suzy. You are so alive. Much more than Lewis ever was. I am looking forward to seeing you grow up and become a beautiful woman. Even if you put on boy clothes and pretended to be a boy again, I would always see you as Suzy, treat you as Suzy, and love you as my niece.”

We sat there in silence for at least five minutes, if not much more. Eventually, I stopped crying and just sat there with my back against the shed, staring at the fence.

“Why did she mess up my life? It’s not fair.”

“Who, honey?”

“Grandma,” I said without looking at Aunt Jessica.

“She didn’t mess up your life, Suzy. She freed you from your prison.”

“But, if she never gave me that secret gift, Mom and Dad would still love me. I wouldn’t know what I was missing. I wouldn’t . . .”

“You wouldn’t be happy,” Aunt Jessica stated. “You wouldn’t be yourself. Over time you would fall further into yourself until you couldn’t handle it anymore. It is dangerous for that to happen to people. Grandma did the right thing. It may not seem like it right now, but she did.”

“How can it be the right thing if Mom or Dad no longer loves me, or if Dad wants to beat me up? Never being Suzy again has to fix this; it just has to. I . . I can’t lose Mom and Dad. I can’t lose Jilly,” I broke down into tears again.

“Your Mom and Dad still love you, Suzy. They are just struggling with the concept of losing a son and gaining a daughter,” Aunt Jessica squeezed me. “But I think we need to go inside right now, you’re shivering, and we are both wet from sitting in this snow.”

When we got in the house, I was attacked by hug monster Jilly, “You okay?”

Looking around the living room, Uncle Mike and Cousin Mary were sitting down on the couch, looking at me for answers without saying a word. Thankfully, Aunt Jessica took control.

“Suzy, go into Mary’s room and take a warm shower. Mary put on Rudolph's Shiny New Year for Jilly. I will make some Christmas Hot cocoa for everyone.”

I headed off to Mary’s room. Jilly wanted to come with me, but Aunt Jessica stopped her.

When I got out of the shower, I found two outfits on Mary’s bed. There was a pretty dress next to some jeans and a t-shirt. Wrapped in the towel, I stood there looking at the two options. I knew which one I wanted and which one I should put on. They weren’t the same.

After getting dressed in the jeans and t-shirt, I sat down at Mary’s vanity to comb my hair. Looking in the mirror, I saw a lie. I thought, ‘I am a boy named Lewis. I am a boy named Lewis. I am a boy named Lewis.’ Knowing that I would have to live with that lie for the rest of my life, a tear came down my face.

Getting up to go out to everyone, I noticed a doll on Mary’s dresser. Jilly had dressed it last night in a pretty Christmas Dress. She had complained to Mary that everyone deserves a good Christmas, and without a pretty dress, her doll wasn’t getting a good Christmas. I smiled at the Christmas doll. Mary’s question from earlier kept repeating in my head, ‘How can it be wrong to put on some clothes that Grandma gave you?’

I looked down at my outfit. With my hand on the doorknob, I stared at the doll. I just . . . I just couldn’t do it. I went back to the bed and put on the dress. Sitting at the vanity, I put hair into high pigtails with Christmas hair ties. They looked like little baby pigtails with how short my hair was, but definitely a girl hairstyle. Looking in the vanity mirror, I smiled. Looking at Mary’s nail polish supply, I wanted to do my nails in red and green, but I felt I was already pushing things by using her Christmas hair ties.

As I went to leave the room, I went over and kissed the doll on her forehead, “The Christmas spirit is strong in you, little one. Never lose it. I will enjoy this Christmas gift for every second I am allowed.”

Standing tall, I left the room. I skipped my way down the hall and right into the dining room, where Aunt Jessica was sitting down sipping some hot cocoa.

“Hi there, Suzy,” Aunt Jessica smiled as she looked at me. “You look happy.”

“I am,” I said as I took a mug of hot cocoa off the tray on the table. “I realized I am full of Christmas Magic, and if someone were going to destroy the magic, it wouldn’t be me.”

“Christmas Magic?”

“Well, Susan Anne Morris was born on Christmas day when I opened the secret gift and put on the dress. Since everyone born on Christmas is full of Christmas magic, that means I am too.”

“So true,” Aunt Jessica agreed.

“I also came to one big conclusion,” I said while looking at the items available to go in the hot cocoa. “Some Christmas toys break, but you can enjoy them until that happens. I am going to enjoy the gift of being myself until someone breaks it. But, Aunt Jessica, I will not be the one that breaks this Christmas gift. It’s too precious to me.”

“As it should be,” Aunt Jessica said with a smile.

“Thanks for letting me be me,” I said as I grabbed a mint chocolate candy and some mini marshmallows to put in my drink. “Mom and Dad may take away my Christmas present, but I would be the dumbest person on Earth if I took it away from myself. I need to enjoy it for every second until they take it away.”

Taking a candy cane as a stirring stick, I smiled at Aunt Jessica and headed off to the living room to watch Rudolph’s Shiny New Year with Jilly and Mary.