The Secret Gift By Teek © 2021 Chapter 3 Aunt Jessica

We pulled into Aunt Jessica’s driveway. Dad doesn’t want me being Suzy. Would Aunt Jessica and Uncle Mike think the same way? Everyone else had gotten out of the car, and I hadn’t unbuckled my seatbelt. If I did that, it would mean I was going in. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that. I unbuckled my doll's seatbelt and brought her up onto my lap.

“What do you think?” I said to my doll. “Are they going to want to whip me too? Look at them. They just realized I’m not with them. Yeah, I know. They’re wondering why I’m still in the car. Oh no, Aunt Jessica is coming over.”

Aunt Jessica opened the front passenger door and got in, “Hi Suzy.”

“Hi,” I said, looking only at my doll.

“What’s her name?”

“Amanda.”

“That is a good name.”

I smiled.

“So, why are you two still out here in the car. Don’t you think Amanda would be more comfortable in the house where it is nice and warm?”

“I guess.”

“I hear my brother has been . . . having trouble adjusting to you.”

“Yup.”

“Are you worried about how I will respond to suddenly having an adorable niece?”

“Uh-huh”

“Well, I’m not like my brother. I want to get to know you.”

I looked up at Aunt Jessica, unsure if she was telling the truth or not. Possibly, she meant it.

“Uncle Mike?” I got out.

“He has no problem with someone different. Did you know his brother is married to another man?”

“No.”

“Uncle Mike will be completely okay with you wearing clothes to show who you are on the inside.”

“Mary hates me,” I said, looking back at my doll.

“Why would you say something like that? She always likes it when you come over, or she goes to your house.”

“She likes Jilly, not me,” I said. Then in my best Mary impersonation, “You’re a yucky boy. Go play somewhere else.”

“Hmmm,” Aunt Jessica expressed. “I didn’t know she was being mean to you. I’ll have a talk with her about that. You’re not a boy anymore, though, so she shouldn’t have a problem with you.”

Looking down at my Amanda doll, “Oh, don’t give me that look. I know she is probably right.”

“Why don’t the two of you come in the house, and we will see together. I assure you, everyone will be nice to you.”

I thought about it for a bit and then agreed. For some reason, I didn’t want to put the doll down when I left the car. When we entered the house, Uncle Mike said hi and then went to get the suitcase out of the car.

“Mary Elizabeth,” Aunt Jessica shouted out. “Get down here immediately.”

“What, Mom,” Mary asked, coming into the room with Jilly right behind her?

“Would you care to explain why Suzy here thinks you hate her?”

Mary looks at me and then back at her Mom, “I don’t know.”

“Have you ever told her that she was a yucky boy and then refused to play with her?”

“I’ve never said that to Suzy,” Mary admitted honestly. “I’ve never met Suzy before.”

Jilly giggled, which caused Aunt Jessica to look at her, “Well then. We have one kid saying it happened and one saying it didn’t. I suspect, however, the third kid was there when it happened. Jilly, have you ever heard Mary say that to your sister?”

“Not Suzy, but she says it to Lewis all the time,” Jill bluntly said.

“Sister?” Mary looked straight at me. Her eyes went wide, “You’re Lewis? You are Lewis. Mom, why is Lewis wearing a dress?”

“Didn’t you tell her,” Grandma asked?

“We had a long discussion about Transgender on the drive back,” Jessica replied. “I might have accidentally left out an important piece of information.”

“Lewis is Transgender,” Mary questioned?

I hugged Amanda tighter. Maybe I should have gotten the Mulan doll. She would do better protecting me than Amanda holding her stuffed bunny rabbit.

Mary looked at me, “You are Lewis. That beats Sarah and her two Moms any day.”

Aunt Jessica rolled her eyes, “Mary, this isn’t a competition with your friends. It’s your Cousin Suzy’s life.”

“When did he become transgender?”

“She has always been transgender,” Grandma interjected. “Individuals who are transgender are born that way. They have the brain and heart aligning with their true gender since the day they were born. I could see it in Suzy when she was just a baby.”

“He certainly does look pretty in that dress. Where’d you get it Lewis?”

“Mary,” Aunt Jessica reprimanded. “We talked about this. You don’t call an individual who is transgender by their birth name. We also use the proper pronouns. This is your Cousin Suzy, and you should be using she and her pronouns.”

“She got the dress for Christmas,” Jill added. “Grandma gave it to her.”

“Grandma always picks out good dresses,” Mary smiled at Grandma.

“Right now, young lady,” Aunt Jessica said in her Mom voice. “You owe Suzy an apology.”

“Sorry,” Mary said to me and then turned to look at her Mom. “What am I apologizing for?”

Aunt Jessica covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head back and forth.

“Teacher says you’re not supposed to apologize unless you mean it,” Jill stated. “How can you mean it if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for?”

There were times I really loved my little sister.

“Jilly, that is an excellent question,” Aunt Jessica said. “Mary, you’re thirteen. Stop acting like you’re six. Now Apologize to Suzy correctly. We are never mean to our relatives, whether they are boy or girl.”

“Suzy,” Mary said, looking straight at me. “I am sorry I was mean to you when you were a yucky boy.”

“Mary!”

“What?”

“Suzy,” Aunt Jessica took my hands. “I am sorry Mary was ever mean to you. Her Dad and I will have a talk with her about it. It will never happen again.”

“Okay,” I replied, not believing a word Aunt Jessica was saying.

“Where should I put this suitcase,” Uncle Mike asked?

“Put it in Mary’s room. Then get out the sleeping bags for the girls. Find Mary’s old one for Jill,” Aunt Jessica said. “While he does that, let’s all go into the dining room. I see someone brought cookies.”

“We made them today!” Jill explained.

“One cookie, and then it is time to get ready for bed,” Aunt Jessica said.

“So, how long is Jilly and . . . Suzy staying over,” Mary asked as she picked a cookie?

Aunt Jessica looked at Grandma. I kept looking at Grandma and then over at Jill.

Grandma caught my glances and looked over at Jill, “It is Christmas Break. Let’s see how things go.”

“Daddy’s being a meany, so Grandma and Grandpa are putting him in Time-Out. They don’t want Suzy to get a whipping from Daddy. That’s why we are here,” Jill said before taking another bite of her cookie.

“Well,” Grandma smiled at Jill. “It appears our little one understands a lot more than we thought she did. Mary, Jilly is right. Suzy and Jilly are here because Uncle Ben is threatening to beat his daughter. No one has the right to beat another person. No man ever has the right to hit a woman, and even worse, a small girl. We are family, and we protect each other. Suzy needs our protection, so we will give it to her. When Uncle Ben calms down, then your cousins can go home. Until then, they will be here or at my house.”

“Wow,” Mary commented as she looked over at Suzy and Jilly.

We all ate our cookies in silence. Mary was the first done, so she was sent off to get in her pajamas. When she came back, I had to get changed. Jilly was eating her cookie, real slow. I smiled at her when I left to get changed. When I got back, she was still eating that cookie.

“Your turn Jilly,” Aunt Jessica declared.

“But I’m not done with my cookie.”

“If you can’t finish, I will save it for tomorrow night, but right now, it is time to go get your PJs on,” Aunt Jessica explained.

Jill finished her cookie off in two bites, finished her milk in one drink, and then went off to get changed.

As soon as Jill had left, Mary asked, “Did I do stuff like that when I was her age?”

“You still do,” Aunt Jessica smiled at Mary.

“No, I don’t.”

Aunt Jessica raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, most of the time, I don’t,” Mary relented.

Grandma and I chuckled.

“Aunt Jessica,” I asked? “You said you had the American Girl Molly Books?”

Turning to Mary, “Take Suzy down to the playroom and get the book.”

As we entered the playroom, “So, you’re reading the American Girl books?”

“I’m reading to Jilly for her bedtime story. Last night we got through the first two chapters.”

“Isn’t she old enough to read her own bedtime story?”

“Yeah, but she still likes it when I do it,” I glanced off into nothingness as I recalled various times when Jilly had fallen asleep in my lap as I read her a story. “I like it too. It also gave me a way to read girl stories without Dad complaining about me reading a girl book. I’ve only recently convinced her to let me read chapter books to her. The Molly book is the first American Girl book I’ve ever read. It sounds pretty good so far.”

“Which Molly book are you reading?”

“The first one in the series: A Winning Spirit.”

“Let’s see. I arranged the American Girl books by the year they occur. Molly was when?”

“World War II,” I replied.

We got Jilly’s book, and I took one to read called The Secret Garden.

“So, is this your thing now,” Mary asked, looking me up and down as we left the playroom?

“I want it to be, but there is no way Dad and Mom will allow it,” I said. “One day as Suzy has been my best Christmas present ever. At least I will have the memories from today to carry with me forever.”

“You want to be a girl?”

“I don’t want to be a girl. I am a girl, just with the body of a boy. Terrible way to live. My Dad tried to play football with me yesterday. I hated it.”

“Bobby likes to play football,” Mary said with a dreamy expression.

“Oh, so you don’t think all boys are yucky, just me as a boy,” I teased.

Mary instantly blushed, “Well, ummm.”

I giggled and started walking faster. Mary sped up to catch me.

“Now comes the challenge, Mary,” I explained. “Can we get Jilly to sleep without her throwing a fit because she doesn’t have her favorite stuffed animal?”

“Why doesn’t she have her stuffy? It’s Rosie, right?”

“We didn’t know that we would be staying overnight. Jilly and I thought we were just going over to Grandma’s for the day.”

“Oh,” Mary said as we entered the living room. “But you came with a suitcase?”

“We went clothes shopping today. Everything in there is new or from a 2nd hand store,” I explained as I went over to where Jilly was on the couch with Grandma, Aunt Jessica, and Uncle Mike.

“Mary has the book Jilly,” I said, holding up the Molly book. “I can continue your bedtime story.”

“Sounds good,” Aunt Jessica said. “Jilly, go brush your teeth, and then Suzy can read you your bedtime story.”

“Can’t I stay up,” Jill pleaded?

“No,” Grandma stated. “Now listen to your aunt and get those teeth brushed.”

Jill went running off to Mary’s room to get her toothbrush.

“You two,” Aunt Jessica said to Mary and me. “Get what you need out of Mary’s room. Once Jilly falls asleep, the light in the room is not going back on until tomorrow. Suzy, why don’t you go brush your teeth now.”

“She does have a point,” I stated as we headed off to Mary’s room. “Once you get Jilly to sleep, you don’t want to wake her up. Getting her back to sleep is even harder the second time.”

When digging through the suitcase to get my toothbrush, I looked at Mary’s stuffed animal collection. She had a little pink unicorn. With Mary’s permission, I put it on Jilly’s pillow. I put my Amanda doll on my pillow. Seeing this, Mary put a stuffed animal on her pillow, a stuffed kitty cat.

After Jilly had gotten a collection of hugs and kisses goodnight, Grandma, Jilly, and I went back to Mary’s room. Jilly snuggled down in the Disney Princess sleeping bag.

“I need Rosie,” Jilly looked up at me with pleading eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jilly, but we don’t have Rosie. Mary has lent you her pink unicorn, and you have your new dolly.”

“But . . .” Jilly’s eyes were starting to water.

I picked up Jill’s new doll and made it talk with Jill, “Come on, Jilly. I’m scared. Can you pwease hug me tonight, so I feel safe? Suzy says you’re a good hugger.”

“You’re a goofball Suzy,” Jilly grabbed the doll and gave it a big hug.

Grandma got my attention and non-verbally signaled for me to start reading. When I reached the end of one chapter, Jilly was lying down, hugging her doll and the unicorn. There was an occasional eye flutter, but not enough for me to stop reading. I kept reading. When I reached the end of the second chapter Jilly was almost asleep. I would typically stop here, but Grandma indicated that I should keep reading. I read the whole next chapter before stopping. Jilly was sound asleep somewhere in the middle. Grandma put her finger over her mouth and signaled for me to follow her.

When we reached the living room, “You were good with her, Suzy. You really will make a good mother someday.”

“Thanks. I thought we were in trouble when she started to cry.”

“But that was a genius move making her dolly come to life and ask Jilly to protect her.”

“I’ve used her stuffed animals coming to life as a way to distract her since she was a baby.”

“That always worked with Mary when she was little,” Aunt Jessica added.

“Okay, I should head home now,” Grandma said. “Thanks, Jessica. Suzy, I love you just the way you are. No matter what happens, remember that.”

I ran up to Grandma and gave her a big hug, “Thank You.”

Goodbyes were shared, and Grandma left.

“Okay, you two,” Aunt Jessica said. “I’ll let you stay up for another 30 minutes. Then, off to bed.”

Mary and I went to the Playroom and talked, mostly about me. She was being nice to me, so I didn’t mind. Until a few years ago, Mary and I had been close. Then she entered her, ‘boys are yucky’ stage. It was nice to have her back. We talked a lot about times in our past where I did girly things. Neither of us noticed when we were little, but it was fairly obvious looking back. These trips down memory lane helped Mary not view my situation as totally weird.

“Girls,” Aunt Jessica interrupted, coming into the playroom. “Time for bed. Be quiet when you enter Mary’s room. Jilly is sleeping, and we don’t want to wake her up.”

“Yes, Mom,” Mary said with an attitude.

“No, Mary,” I commented. “Waking Jilly up would be bad. She may be a big eight-year-old, but she is a grumpy baby when you wake her up.”

Aunt Jessica giggled, “Reminds me of someone else.”

“Mom!”

“Off to bed, you two.”

Laying down in the sleeping bag, listening to Jilly’s slow breathing, Dad’s comment was stuck in my head, playing repeatedly. “Lewis, I told you to go get that dress off this instant. Get moving or get a whipping.” I hugged my new dolly tight.

When I woke up in the morning, I was the only one in the room. Getting up, I tucked my doll back in and headed out to find everyone.

“Yeah, I made it with my new bracelet kit. Suzy made one with her name on it too,” Jilly said.

“Morning, Suzy,” Uncle Mike said as I entered the kitchen. “Pancakes?”

“Sure,” I said as I headed for the table in the dining room.

“Mickey Mouse pancakes or regular ones?”

I smiled at my memories of Uncle Mike’s Mickey Mouse pancakes, “Regular is fine. I’m getting a little old for Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

“Mickey Mouse it is then,” Uncle Mike declared. “You can never be too old for Mickey Mouse pancakes.”

I looked over at Uncle Mike cooking the pancakes and then at everyone sitting down. Mary showed me her plate, with a Mickey Mouse pancake on it.

“Mary,” Aunt Jessica said. “After breakfast, I want you to go through your clothes and find ones that you have outgrown. Suzy will probably fit in them.”

Mary was silent as she ate, and then she got a smile on her face as she looked at me, “Jilly, we get to play dolly dress up this morning. Don’t you think Suzy will make a perfect dolly for us to play with?”

Jilly clapped her hands and expressed her enthusiasm for the activity.

“I’m not sure this will be as much fun for me as it apparently will be for you two,” I stated. “And if Dad refuses to let me be me, it would all be a waste of time.”

Aunt Jessica reached out and squeezed my hand, “Go ahead and do it. Trying on outfits is always a fun activity, even if you never get to keep any of the outfits. I am still hoping that Mom and Dad can get my brother to stop being so stubborn about this issue.”

“This way, you can take advantage of my older wisdom,” Mary stated.

“You’re only a year older,” I pointed out.

“But thirteen years more experience dressing as a girl than you have.”

“Okay, you do have a point there.”

“Oh, cool,” Jill commented. “That means I have eight more years experience than you have. That means I’m the big sister now.”

I chuckled, “No, Jilly, it means you have eight more years of experience dressing as a girl. That doesn’t make you my older sister.”

“Oh, phooey!”

I hated to see her disappointed, “That doesn’t mean I can’t learn from your superior experience on the topic.”

Jilly beamed. Looking at her dolly sitting on the table, “See, your Mommy is a knowledgeable, experienced woman of the world.”

The table broke out into giggles.

After the meal, Aunt Jessica stopped Jilly from going off to play. There was syrup on her pajamas, so Aunt Jessica immediately took Jilly to get changed in hopes of not getting syrup all over the house. Jilly came back wearing the outfit we bought her yesterday and her unicorn horn headband. Grabbing her doll from the table, she went off to the playroom.

“Mary, why don’t you get dressed,” Aunt Jessica said. “Suzy, you might as well hold off until the fashion show. I’ll help out with that as soon as I clean up from Breakfast.”

When Mary returned, “Mom, can you braid my hair?”

Aunt Jessica looked at the plate in her hand and then at me, “Why don’t you see if Suzy can do it.”

“How would she know how to braid hair?”

“Because I do it for Jilly occasionally when babysitting her,” I pointed out. “Do you want piggies or pony?”

“Hmm, I haven’t had braided pigtails for a while, but wait a minute. I’m thirteen. I don’t want little kid high pigtails like Jilly wears.”

“I know,” I responded. “I don’t always do Jilly’s up in high pigtails anymore. She sometimes wants a more ‘big girl’ hairstyle. She wants to be a little girl some days and a big girl other days. It is so confusing at times.”

Aunt Jessica smiled at that comment, “Suzy, she still likes the high pigtails. She just won’t wear them outside the house.”

“Mom!”

By the time I had braided two pigtails for Mary, her mom was done and ready for a fashion show. We moved into Mary’s room, and Aunt Jessica started going through the closet and drawers. A pile was collecting on the bed for me to try on when Jilly came in looking for everyone.

“Fashion show time. Fashion show time,” Jilly ranted.

Mary would pick combos for me to try. I would go into the closet, change, and come out to get everyone’s opinions. Aunt Jessica would determine if the stuff fit me. Mary would judge if I could wear it around other kids my age. Jilly would tell me if it looked good on me or not. She thought everything looked good on me, so sometimes, I would turn to Mary for a more honest view on the topic.

We were halfway through the pile when Uncle Mike came in, “Grandma just called. She wants Jilly and Suzy to be ready to go in fifteen minutes. They’ll be coming back, but their Mom wants to see them.”

“What should she wear,” Mary asked?

“The Easter dress,” Jilly shouted out.

“That is a pretty dress,” Aunt Jessica responded. “But that is a springtime dress. There is snow outside. Suzy, what do you think would be good to wear?”

I looked over the pile we had been through and then the one we hadn’t gotten to yet. Opening up the suitcase and looking at the clothes we bought yesterday, I went back to the pile of ones I hadn’t tried on yet. Taking out a dress, I held it up to me.

“One of my church dresses,” Mary said. “It will look good on you.”

“A nice dress,” Aunt Jessica commented. “It makes you look all proper and a very nice young lady. That is a good one for introducing Suzy to your Mom.”

I went and tried it on. When I came out, everyone thought it looked good. Aunt Jessica said I should wear white tights with it. She got a pair of Mary’s white tights for me to wear. Then came the discussion about the shoes. I wanted the pink sneakers I got yesterday, but Aunt Jessica thought I should have more formal shoes. It was decided I should wear a pair of black Mary Jane shoes. Then the focus was on my hair. I did Mary’s, so I wanted her to do mine, but Aunt Jessica convinced Mary and me that she should do it this time.

Looking in the mirror, I saw a girl. I saw me. Not Lewis, or Lewis wearing a girl costume. Not a boy in a dress. No, I just saw me. Susan Morris. A smile slowly grew the more I looked in the mirror.

“I think she likes it,” Mary said.

“No doubt about it,” Aunt Jessica smiled.

“That’s my big sis,” Jill declared.

Grandma arrived a few minutes later. Jilly grabbed her new doll, and we got in the car. On the trip to Grandma’s house, it was explained that Mom wanted to meet Suzy.

I was worried. Mom pushed me to be more of a boy and do less girl things when I played with Jilly. Well, except when she needed me to keep Jilly busy so she could get stuff done around the house.

“Girls,” Grandma said. “Your Mom wants to see both of you.”

“Lewis,” I asked?

“No, she wants to see who you really are. If that is Suzy, she wants to see Suzy. If that is Lewis, she wants to see Lewis. That is completely up to you. I know who I think you are, but only you can say who you are.”

“Suzy,” Jilly said with enthusiasm.

“Jilly,” Grandma interjected. “This is not something you have a say in.”

“But, she’s my sister!”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean you have a say in who she or he really is.”

I looked over at Jilly and smiled, “I am Susan Morris. Suzy for friends and family.”

Jilly smiled back at me.

“Suzy it is then,” Grandma smiled into the rearview mirror. “Then it is vital for you to know something, both of you. The girls in our family are strong. No matter what life throws at us, we can take it on. That does not mean you must do it alone. We stand together and support each other.”

I thought about that a bit as I stared out the car window.

When we got to Grandma’s house, Grandpa complimented me on my outfit.

Once I got Grandpa away from Jilly, “Grandpa, what did Dad say last night?”

Grandpa looked around, noticing no one else was close by, “He doesn’t believe you are a girl. He disapproves of you dressing in girl clothes. He is sorry that he threatened to whip you.”

“What good is that if he will not let me be me,” I went off and slumped down on the couch. I stayed there until Mom showed up.

Jilly was all excited to see Mommy and gave her a big hug. I just stayed on the couch. I didn’t even look over at her when she entered the house. I just sat looking down at my dress.

“Hi,” Mom said, standing right beside me. “Can I sit here?”

I shrugged my shoulders without looking at her.

“I’ve missed you,” Mom commented as she sat down.

I stayed silent.

“This girl thing has caught me by surprise. I never viewed you as a girl. You have always been my baby boy.”

“I know. You never liked it when I played with the girl things in the house.”

“Well, boys aren’t supposed to . . . never mind,” Mom said. “What makes you think you are a girl?”

I shrugged my shoulders, “Always known it.”

“But the things you like to do aren’t very girly.”

Confused, I looked at Mom, “Like what?”

“You had a lot of fun tossing around the football with Dad the other day, and . . .”

“Fun? Ummm, not me. I hate football.”

“But, you smiled and thanked Dad for getting it for you.”

“I did what you taught me to do. Be nice. Thank people for the gift, and if you don’t like it, don’t tell them that.”

“I never taught . . . well, I guess maybe I did.”

“Did you like any of your Christmas presents?”

“The dress that Grandma got me,” and I looked back down at my hands in my lap.

“It certainly was a pretty dress. The one you have on now is also nice.”

“Thanks.”

We talked some about the books I like and the toys I enjoyed. Mom asked what I wanted to get for Christmas. When I said I wanted nail polish and make-up, Mom winced. After seeing that, I stopped sharing.

After a few minutes of silence, “I never see you playing with Jilly’s toys.”

“Really,” I asked? “Then why do you keep telling me that boys don’t play with girl toys. At least I could enjoy them when I was babysitting Jilly. Her stuff is a little babyish, but it was better than any boy things.”

“So, was it ever Lewis babysitting Jilly?”

“Girls are much better babysitters than boys.”

Mom chuckled.

We talked for a while, but something was off. I couldn’t figure out what, though.

“How long have you thought you were a girl,” Mom asked?

“I’ve always known I wasn’t a boy. You and Daddy kept telling me I wasn’t a girl, and I believed that for a long time. But then, one day, it hit me. If I wasn’t a boy, what was I? Jilly was three when she went all Princess galore. I was seven, and I liked almost everything she did. The only thing was, you kept telling me boys don’t play with girl toys and like girl things. I told you a few times I wasn’t a boy, but you never listened. I finally figured out I could play with most of Jilly’s toys and dress-up outfits if I didn’t say I wasn’t a boy. If you thought I was helping you keep Jilly busy and happy, I could do all sorts of things with her without you complaining. If I said I wasn’t a boy or tried to say that I was a girl, you would send me off to play with the boy toys. So, I guess I was seven when I finally realized I was a girl but had to keep that a secret.”

“You can always tell me anything Lewis.”

That’s it! That is what is off. To mom, I am still Lewis, a boy. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath, “Words mean nothing if actions do not back them up.”

“Smart girl you have there,” Grandpa said.

I turned to look at Grandpa. I didn’t realize he was still in the room. Looking around more, Jilly and Grandma were nowhere in sight.

“You’re not going to let me be a girl, are you?”

“I . . . I . . . I will set up an appointment with a doctor and let them tell us what is going on with you.”

“And if the doctor says she is a girl,” Grandpa inquired?

“We’ll deal with that then.”

“Doesn’t matter, though, does it,” I asked as a tear came down my face? “You and Dad will never accept me as a girl.”

Mom hugged me for at least a minute before saying anything, “Honey, it is hard for Dad and me to adjust to you suddenly being a girl. You will always be our child, and we love you tons and tons. If the doctor says you are a girl, you will be my princess. I . . . I . . . I don’t know how we will make that happen, but I will do what the doctor recommends.”

“When can I get in to see this doctor? Can we go today?”

“No, we can’t go today. I have to make some phone calls and find one. Then we have to set up an appointment. It could be weeks before you get in to see the special doctor.”

“I have to be Lewis until then?”

Mom hugged me for a bit without talking. That meant, yes.

“It doesn’t matter, though, does it. I’ll never get to be Suzy again, will I? Daddy will not let me.”

Again, mom was silent for a bit, hugging me, “Boys don’t just turn into girls one day.”

“I’ve always been a girl. Not my fault you couldn’t see that.”

More hugs by mom without talking.

“Is Dad going to whip me when I get home?”

Grandpa interjected, “No! He will not.”

I looked right at Grandpa.

“Mommy?” I asked, looking at her.

“Mommy,” Mom said with a smile. “You haven’t called me that for a long time. What sweetie?”

“Is Dad going to whip or spank me when I get home?”

Mom looked at Grandpa and then back at me before answering, “I don’t think so. Grandpa made it pretty clear last night that he would call the police if Dad ever hit any child or if he hit any girl.”

“That includes you, Suzy,” Grandpa added.

I gave Grandpa a weak smile. Mom and I talked for a bit, but I never felt she wanted to accept me as Suzy. She said she would if the doctor declared me a girl, but by the way she talked, it sounded like that wasn’t likely to happen.

“Can I live with Grandma and Grandpa?” I can’t believe I just asked that.

“What?” Mom was shocked.

“You can stay here, Suzy, anytime you want,” Grandpa said.

The look Mom gave Grandpa told me she was not happy with his statement.

“You say you are ready to accept Suzy, but you have not been showing her that,” Grandpa stated. “If you are unwilling to love her and accept her for who she is, we are.”

“I love my child,” Mom got out.

“Will you let her dress the way she wants? Play with the toys she wants? Use the name she wants?”

“If the doctor says . . .”

“So no,” I said and looked down at my hands in my lap.

“You call her your child, but you have not used her name,” Grandpa pointed out. “No wonder she wants to come stay with us.”

I quickly started to think back. Mom hasn’t once called me Suzy or a girl.

“Suzy,” Grandpa said. “Go back and find your sister. I want to talk with your mom.”

I got up, and without looking at Mom, I went down the hall to find Jilly and Grandma. They were in the guest room playing with Jilly’s doll. As soon as I walked in, I broke out into tears. Both Jilly and Grandma were immediately giving me hugs. Grandma sat me down on the bed and told me to go ahead and cry. I did.

As Grandma tried to calm me down, we could hear Grandpa and Mom talking at a raised volume.

“Your daughter needs help and support. She needs love and caring. She needs recognition that her struggles are real. That starts with you and Benjamin using the proper pronouns and name,” Grandpa lectured. “She needs a therapist, but if I hear you bring her to one that does not believe in Transgender children or tries to ‘convert’ her, I will come over there myself, pack up all her stuff and move her to my house.”

“It’s not that simple,” Mom got out.

“Marsha gave her a dress and yesterday we bought her some dolls. It is that easy. It doesn’t cost any money to call her Suzy and use the pronouns she and her. But, you are right. Raising kids is not simple. You want easy, get a pet rock. You have two daughters that need your love and support as they grow up. We have no control over who they become or who they are at their core. As parents, our job is to guide them, support them, and help them become the best that they can be. You need to love them no matter what.”

“I do,” we heard mom say back, and then there was silence.

In the bedroom, Jilly broke the silence, “Mommy and Daddy don’t do that with Suzy or Lewis.”

I continued to cry into grandma.

“We are trying to change that Jilly,” Grandma said as she was rubbing my back.

When the tears finally stopped flowing, I sat up and looked around. Jilly was playing with her doll, and Grandma smiled at me. After watching Jilly for a bit, grandma said, “You know you can play with dolls too.”

I wasn’t really in the mood to play, but with prodding from Jilly, I joined in her make-believe world. We had been playing for a while when Mom came into the room. She sat down on the bed next to me.

“You have an appointment next week with a doctor that works with transgender kids. Your pediatrician recommended her, and after looking her up online, Grandpa approves of her as someone that could help you.”

“Thanks,” I half-heartedly said. “Not that it matters.”

“Suzy,” Grandma added. “It looks like your mom is trying, so give her a chance.”

All the eyes in the room were on Mom, who had on one of her Mom smiles, “I will support you exploring who you are between now and then. Dad is going to be the challenge.”

“He will come around Suzy,” Grandma said. “He has always been a bit stubborn, but eventually, he lets reason and logic come in. I may need to have another talk with him, though. When we are done here, I’ll go do that.”

“Did you come up with your girl name,” Mom asked?

“I named her,” Jilly proudly stated.

“It is a very nice name, Suzy Morris,” Mom said to Jilly and then looked at me.

“Grandma says you should give me my middle name since Jilly gave me my first name, and Dad gave me my last name.”

“A family effort. Hmmm, is Suzy short for something?”

“I figured it was short for Susan. That is what I told Jilly, so I am Susan Morris. Suzy to family and friends,” I replied without looking at Mom.

“I see, Susan Morris,” Mom thought out loud. “I was going to call you Jillian.”

“Yeah, I know. I told Jilly that, and she didn’t think it was nice of you to recycle the name for her.”

“I get all the hand-me-downs,” Jilly complained.

Mom chuckled, “If I had known my firstborn was actually a girl, I wouldn’t have done that.”

I considered looking at Mom, but I still couldn’t.

“Susan Anne Morris. Susan Tiffany Morris. Susan Marie Morris. Susan Olivia Morris? I don’t know. It took me months to settle on Jillian.”

“What was your dolly’s name when you were a kid,” I inquired?

“My favorite Doll was named Stacey.”

“Susan Stacey Morris,” I shook my head. “No, not right. Maybe Susan Anne Morris or Susan Olivia Morris.”

“Those are both nice,” Mom commented. “I think I like Susan Anne Morris better.”

“I like that, Susan Anne Morris. Too bad you and Dad won’t let me be a girl.”

“As Grandpa pointed out, my job is to guide you into becoming who you truly are,” Mom reached out and put her hand on my knee. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, “If that means you being a girl, then I will love you and guide you into becoming the best woman you can be.”

I finally looked up at Mom. I so wanted to believe her, “Really?”

“Really,” Mom confirmed.

“I have a sister, I have a big sister,” Jilly jumped off the bed and started bouncing around the room.

Mom and I talked some more, and then she went home. Jilly wanted to go with her, but Mom told her it would be best if she stayed at Grandma’s house for now. Grandma left just after Mom to talk to Dad.

“So, you two,” Grandpa said. “Do you want to go back to Aunt Jessica’s house or do something else?”

“Cousin Mary,” Jilly blurted out.

“I’m okay with that, I guess,” I added.