Due to the circumstances, Mom gave Avery a temporary deferment regarding discussion of what she knew were probably serious gender issues. It wasn’t discussed because they both realized they were in no condition to attack issues other than the one all-consuming issue at hand.

Jeff came home and big brother was at least as lost and disoriented over losing Dad as Avery. Jeff and his dad were like-minded about so many things and had developed an incredible father-son bond. Oh, the love between Jeff and Dad was not greater, but Avery could not watch a football game and discuss team statistics. Avery marveled at Jeff and Dad’s knowledge of pro football and baseball, but he could not work up an interest in those things himself. Avery’s areas of expertise were art, music, and especially fashion. Regarding fashion, he knew everything from, “don’t wear white after Labor Day” to “don’t wear cap sleeves if your shoulders are just a bit broad”, and a multitude of fashion rules, tips, etc. He actually didn’t know where he got some of his knowledge on the subject; that’s how it is when one pursues his or her passion. His parents would have been amazed (and possibly disappointed) if they became aware that he knew as much about fashion and the like as his father and brother knew about sports.

―――――――ʘ―――――――

The next few days were a blur. Avery accompanied his mom to make arrangements at the funeral home. He was much impressed by his mom’s knowledge of all things to be done following the death of a family member. Mom expressed her thanks for his support.

With big brother home, Avery didn’t have the privacy to do the things he wanted to do. Big brother was unabashed about showing his grief, and Avery tried in vain to remember seeing him cry before. Yes, Avery cried, but he was not his brother. The difference between them was a lot more than years. Jeff was all boy, and now was all man, where Avery was a tender, sensitive soul. Jeff didn’t mistreat his little brother but was sometimes just a bit embarrassed by him. He ceased to allow Avery to play baseball with the guys. Avery threw like a girl; “pushing” the ball from his shoulder, rather than using his arm to “fling” the ball like most boys do. A ball thrown by Avery would take a slow arc about 20 feet before dropping and rolling another yard or so. Avery tried, but couldn’t get the hang of throwing. He gave up out of embarrassment, and his brother mercifully allowed him to quit.

Still, there was brotherly love. Their father had taught them the value of family and loyalty to family. He wouldn’t tolerate bickering or insults among family members. He used to say, “You’ll love each other if I have to kill you!”

―――――――ʘ―――――――

The day of the funeral came. Avery was sure he had cried out all his tears, and he thought Jeff would be sure not to cry in front of the crowd either. He was wrong on both counts. Avery saw the strongest and best man he ever knew laid out in a coffin, and a fresh, new batch of tears flowed. Jeff unabashedly cried like a baby.
Also
The first man to address the congregation just had the task of giving the name of the deceased, the date and location of his birth, and a bit more information. The information included, “He leaves behind his wife, Katie, two sons, Jeffrey and Avery….”

Avery cringed at the words “two sons”. How much longer would she have to endure such insults? Oh well, the guy had no way of knowing.

The minister couldn’t have been over 5 ft. tall, and Avery expected him to speak in a nasal, high pitched voice. He had, however, the voice of a professional announcer. He opened his Bible and boomed out some verses: 'I’d like to read from Ecclesiastes 3, verses three through eight:

‘To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.’”

He closed his Bible and look at the mourners. “This is a time to mourn, for we will miss our brother. He was a strong man and a good man. He was quick to laugh …”

Avery went to his “room”. He was looking at the carpet between his feet, but thinking about his Dad’s last words to him, “My beautiful daughter”. Yes, he knew, and Mom knew. They probably knew better than he did. Avery thought about what he wanted. Could he do it? Could he take the abuse, name-calling, and possible violence that would come his way? Sitting there at his Dad’s funeral, he made a decision; not so much a decision as a realization. He wasn’t a boy. He had to “come out” and live as a girl. His Dad gave him permission, and his Mom was probably “on board”, too. He was ready for his talk with his mom. He had dreaded it, but now he knew he was at a turning point. He reached to his left and held his mom’s hand and put his head on her shoulder. He cared not if people thought it was strange. Dad is gone. Mom will be my strength and my guide through the uncertain times ahead. He looked across the room and saw his friend, Anna, who telegraphed her sympathy with her eyes. His mom and Anna would help him adapt to a new life. Being a girl couldn’t be that hard! Girls did it! He smiled to himself. He knew better. It would be complex, with many pitfalls. He had a head start. He already lived as a girl as much as possible without attracting a lot of attention. He looked forward to never again having to endure the stench of the boys’ locker room and hear the dirty jokes and the filthy language that boys thought made them sound tough. A lot of people think that girls put on an act, but Avery knew that boys were the bigger actors. Boys’ acts included being too tough to have feelings. If a boy had a girlfriend, he would say the filthiest things about her in the locker room. If Avery were to tell any of the girls what their boyfriends said about them, it’s doubtful they would believe him. He hardly believed it himself. If any of them did believe him, there would be hell to pay for the offending boyfriend. There would also be hell for Avery ….

“Come on,” Avery’s mom whispered. The room had emptied of everyone except the family. They were now to pass the coffin and view Dad for one last time. Avery tried to steel himself, but when he heard his mom and his brother crying it was no use. He sobbed uncontrollably.

“Oh, my Daddy!” Avery’s body went numb as a precursor to fainting. He felt some strong arms holding him upright. It was his brother. Despite his own grief, Jeff was holding him up, and Avery felt the love in his brother’s hands. With Jeff’s help, Avery managed to walk out of the room and into the bright sunlight where all the other mourners had gathered. Avery had always thought it odd how the mourners always watched as the family exited as if they were trying to make sure the family cried enough. If that was the case, Avery was sure he passed the test. The family got into a big, black limousine for the slow, somber ride to the cemetery. Policemen on motorcycles escorted the line of cars through red lights and stop signs. Cars coming the other direction pulled to the side of the road in respect. The limousine found the spot in the cemetery, and six men took the casket from the hearse and placed it under an open tent. The family sat in chairs provided by the funeral home. The casket remained closed. Avery realized bitterly that he would never lay eyes on his father again, and a fresh supply of tears began to trickle down his cheeks. The preacher said a few words and a prayer and the service was over. An attendant handed roses to the female members of the family … and Avery! How did he know? Avery had frequently been treated as a female regardless of his male clothing. He wondered if he had a female “aura”. He smelled his rose and knew that, after today, that smell would transport him back to this place and time. He would put the rose into a vase when he got home to be kept as long as it would last. He got back in the family car with the others for the ride back to the funeral home to get their car. They would get into their car and go to their home that would be missing one family member. It would be a very long time, if ever, before they became accustomed to Dad’s absence.

Mom whispered to Avery, “Can we talk when we get home?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Mom looked surprised, but said, “Good!”

At home, Avery couldn’t wait to get into some more comfortable clothes. He would have liked one of his dresses, but figured that was rushing things a bit. He put on jeans and a t-shirt and sat at the dining room table to wait for his mom. He got back up and went to put his rose in a vase. He filled the vase with water, cut the stem at an angle, and placed the vase in the center of the table. Now, he was ready. It took his mom about 10 minutes, but he waited patiently. When she came into the room, she looked a bit surprised. “Oh, I guess you are ready! She glanced at the rose. Did you know they only give roses to female family members?”

Avery smiled. “I wasn’t sure, but I thought that was the case.”

“You feel like you’re entitled to a rose?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Well, that tells me a lot. I think that takes care of most of our talk. All that remains is to work out the details.”

“Where is Jeff?”

“He headed to a friend’s house. I’ve talked with him about this. He’s a little freaked, but after he thought about it a little, he said, ‘Yeah, I can see it!’ I don’t think you get any hassle from him.”

“Cool.”

“So you’re a girl?”’

“Well, not physically, but in every other way, it seems like it.”

“Well, I already have an appointment for you with a therapist. It will be her job to take the guessing out of this and make sure this is not just a passing phase. I’m pretty certain it’s not, but we have to get an expert opinion.”

“When is the appointment?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Wow, why so fast?”

“It’s not fast really. How long have you felt like this?”

Avery thought a bit. “As long as I can remember.”

“So, you can see we’re not moving fast at all. We should have done something much sooner.”

“Mom, it will be OK this summer, but what about when I have to go back to school? I don’t think I can handle that.”

“Honey, we’ll work it out. We’ll start immediately after graduation. I wouldn’t expect you to just show up at school as a girl and tell everyone, ‘Surprise!’ If you want to, you can take a year or half a year off before starting college. That will give you some time to adjust.”

Avery smiled. Going back to his old school as a girl even for one day would be chaos, and he would be right in the middle of it. “Going back now as a girl wouldn’t be fun.”

“No, it wouldn’t. Honey, I know you’re tired with all the stress of today. In the morning, why don’t you move all your boy clothes over to one side of your closet and bring your secret stuff out of hiding... I have a feeling you have very good taste in clothing, and I would like to see what you have. For now, why don’t we relax, have some dinner, and get to bed early.”

“Ok, and Mom?”

“Yes, dear?”

“Thank you for making such a wonderful man my dad.”

“Wow! Thank you, Baby. I don’t think many kids would think to thank their moms for that! Only a very special child would say something like that.”

“Well, I’m thankful that when you married Dad you got one of the rare gems!”

“On top of everything, you have the makings of a poet!”

“I don’t think so. I think I heard that term somewhere.”

“Well, even if you borrowed it, I know you mean it from your heart. You’re right; your father was a rare gem.”

“Mom, I’m just gonna lay across my bed a little. It really has been a stressful day.”

“OK, Honey, rest as long as you like.”

Avery put on a nightie and snuggled into the bed. The silky nightie and the soft bed felt wonderful after a day filled with stress. Drifting off to sleep was easy.