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SNAFU Part 6

by Angharad

This is a work of fiction any resemblance to anyone alive or dead is unintentional.

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We all piled into the car and set off for the restaurant. Dad was being very mysterious about it all, suggesting we were going to McDonald's after last time cleaned him out. So I asked him if he always wore a suit to McDs? He just laughed.

We had done the country club last time, so where were we going? It was dark so I didn’t have much idea of where we were, we went down one winding lane after another. Finally, we ended up at a pub, It was called the ‘Baker’s Arms’ and had some bit of heraldry on the signpost. It was one I didn’t know, and I mentioned to my dad that he’d have to stay sober tonight because I wasn’t sure I could find my way back. He joked about women and directions, but he also said not to worry, he’d stay under the limit.

We went into the bar and Dad got us some drinks, we were shown the menu and I opted for a prawn cocktail, Mum had the same and Dad the soup. For the main course, I chose a chicken chasseur, which Mum also fancied while Dad went for the homemade steak and kidney pie. We made small talk for ten minutes when we were shown into the restaurant and to our table.

The room was ‘L’ shaped and quite spacious with big windows on two sides, and there were some half a dozen tables with four or six chairs around each. The waiter who helped us to our table had a good look down my cleavage, and I thought my father was going to say something. Thankfully he didn’t, which I was glad about because I knew we’d get excellent service all night so long as I didn’t mind him talking to my chest. I didn’t. Alright so I was being objectified and I should object, but hell I was just discovering all of this, so if you don’t like it go read Saga Magazine or something.

We had just finished our starters when my father let slip an unusual profanity. Following his eyes I spotted Geoff Banks walk in with his family, they were placed at a table just around the corner from ours. The last time I had seen him was at the country club when he spoiled my evening. My heart skipped a beat when I wondered if the same sense of doom would prevail again. Certainly, my father’s demeanour changed from high to far lower than sea level. How could this happen? It has to be synchronicity, the odds of coincidence are far too small for this same tosser to come to the same place as us twice running.

Dad looked across to me and asked quietly, “I’m sorry he’s turned up again, is it alright or do you want to go? If you do I’ll understand.” He looked so pitiful that I was nearly in tears for him, but I was damned if I was going to cut and run if terrorists couldn’t make me run then a creep like Banks certainly wasn’t.

“No I want to stay, don’t let him upset you, Dad.”

“If he says anything I shall forget I’m a pacifist and deck him.”

We all sniggered at that, the paradox of what he’d said and if you knew my dad it seemed even funnier, especially in the context of heightened emotions. “Don’t worry Daddy, if he comes over tonight, I shall make sure he regrets it.”

My dad did a double-take, “And just how do you propose to do that? Given that you couldn’t knock a hole in wet tissue, even with a baseball bat.”

“If he needs hitting I’ll give you a shout, but I can do things a bit differently. If he comes over just follow my lead, okay.” My mother gave me a very old fashioned look and mimed ‘be careful’ to me. I winked back. Tonight, I decided I had the power to give heart attacks to wankers like him, so I would leave it to the gods to decide if he lived or died because I was not taking prisoners.

We got on with our meal, and I really didn’t care if we were spotted or not, so I relaxed and enjoyed myself, the chicken was good. Mum and Dad played with their meals. I felt like the Egyptian goddess Sekhmet, the daughter of Re, who at times became ‘udjat or the Eye of Re.’ Sekhmet, a woman with a lioness head was a solar deity, who nearly destroyed mankind with her fiery power until Re intervened personally and stopped her. So she was not someone to mess with. Tonight I felt her power inside me, tonight I would be the ‘Eye of Tom’ and deal with any mortals who upset him or his family. The udjat spirit was strong in me tonight.

While part of me was revelling in this thought, part of me was also thinking where did all this come from. I had read extensively about ancient Greece and Troy, about Egypt and the origins of what became Judaism and its offspring of Christianity and Islam.

But that was some years ago. While other kids played football or played with dolls, I was devouring Wallis Budge and Robert Graves. My parents encouraged me to read, so I did. I knew it would come in handy one day, tonight may just be that night.

I grappled with my conscience from time to time, but eventually, it lost and went off in a huff somewhere. It was now entirely up to the Fates to decide if Banks would meet the udjat or not. If it happened, I would see it as surgical removal and distance myself from it, besides which he had it coming one day from what my father had told me. He had a reputation as a womaniser so it was going to be so easy to return the embarrassment he gave my family. I was almost looking forward to chancing my arm, so to speak.

Fate was to take the matter out of my hands. I went to the loo before our dessert course, which I had declined anyway. If I ate any more I was going to be too fat to wear this outfit comfortably, but Mum and Dad always had one when we ate out. I knew they’d still be eating so I took my time, after doing the necessary I tidied up my lipstick and hair. I had a long hard look at myself in the mirror, my corsage was somewhat eye-catching and had certainly worked well with the waiters. So I adjusted it to maximise the oomph effect. I was enjoying myself my emerging sensuality was a new toy to me, but already I was becoming aware of its effect on others and the power was a little bit heady for someone as naïve as I was at that moment, however, I think I had some sort of link with the collective unconscious or maybe it was instinctual because I seemed to know what to do without too much thinking. This was extremely useful.

Walking out of the toilets and back to my parents, I bumped into the old lech Banks himself. We were in full view of his wife when we literally collided.

“Why, Geoffrey, I didn’t know you visited these parts. We must get together again really soon, I so enjoyed the last time, you tigerrrr.” I growled this last part at him, then kissed him on the cheek. He stood there, rooted to the spot as if he’d just stepped on a garden rake and it had hit him between the eyes.

Not wishing to attract his attention to my parents, I then slipped away and into the bar. But I heard the roar of his wife as she demanded to know who I was and what was all that about. He claimed innocence being unaware of who I was because without, the context of my father, he hadn’t recognised me at all. Because I had used his name, his wife naturally didn’t believe him and demanded he took her home. He was a disgrace and who was that slut and bimbo.

At the latter imprecations, apparently, my mother had to restrain my father who was going to defend his daughter, but she managed to intercept him and the Banks family left in a whirl of emotion, while I hid around the corner watching the pantomime that developed. I laughed so much that I had to run to the ladies again. The udjat had done its business and had returned to ancient Egypt for the moment, although I still felt the presence of the leonine goddess strongly within me. I returned to my parents.

“What the hell were you playing at?” demanded my father. “How could you kiss that snake in the grass?”

“It had the desired effect didn’t it?”

“My daughter the actress.” Smiled my mother. I dropped a curtsey to her and she smiled again. “I just hope you aren’t named in the divorce papers as a correspondent.”

“For what? An act of random kindness.”

“Kindness my eye. That was an act of deliberate provocation. You be careful my girl or someone is going to get the wrong idea and you could end up in trouble.”

My father who was now beginning to enjoy the funny side said with a stern voice and suitable frown, “Don’t you bring any trouble home to my house you young floozie. Bringing shame to your mother and me.”

For a moment I missed his joke, he looked so stern, then he winked and the penny dropped, and we all laughed until the tears came and my sides ached. Thinking about it later, I think, bringing trouble and shame was about the only thing I couldn’t bring home, especially as this usually refers to pregnancy, for which I was signally unequipped.

When the excitement settled down, we chatted over coffee and my mother said something which completely blew me away. “Jamie, when you went off to the loo I suddenly had this picture in my head of a lioness stalking her prey. We weren’t talking about lions or anything were we?”

“Um no, Mum, why do you ask?” I felt a cold shiver run up my spine.

“No reason, it just seemed such a vivid picture, that’s all.”

I smiled an embarrassed smile and she noticed it. “What are you up to, Jamie?”

“Nothing, Mum, honest.” I felt myself blush.

“Just what is happening?”

“Um, is there anything? Beats me.” I stammered back.

“Is this Gran’s gift again?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do.”

“What on earth are you two on about?” asked my father, looking puzzled. “What’s this about lions and Gran?”

“I don’t know what she’s on about?”

“Who is she? Young lady!” demanded my father.

“Sorry, I don’t know what Mum is on about.”

He looked at her and asked again, “What are you on about?”

“Oh it’s nothing, darling, just a private joke with Jamie and her jewellery, you know the set my mother gave me to give her one day. I thought she meant to give to Jamie for his wife or girlfriend, but now I think of it, she said to give it to Jamie when the time was right. The more I think about it, the more I think she knew something we didn’t.”

“That’s as maybe, but what’s that got to do with lions?”

“I don’t know, lions just popped into my head. Well, a lioness in particular.”

“Well, I am a Leo,” I added stirring up the red herrings. But then thought maybe there was a connection, Leo with Sekhmet. It was spooky.

“I just saw a lioness again.” Said, my mother.

“What are you talking about?” asked my dad.

“In my imagination, I saw a woman with a lioness’s head stood just behind Jamie’s right shoulder and the sun seemed to be shining all around her. It was really weird.”

“Who do you think I am, Joy Adamson or something?” I asked, feeling now quite unnerved by this latest psychic manifestation. Sekhmet was still around I hope I hadn’t started something I couldn’t contain, but surely, the spirit was in me not external to me. I had awoken something in me, it shouldn’t have an independent existence. I imagined the lioness going into a cage inside me and I firmly shut the door.

“Well, whatever it was, it’s gone now.” exclaimed my mother giving me a very old fashioned look. I knew there would be words about this later.

Eventually, the conversation returned to more mundane things and my father seemed to stop worrying that my mother was hallucinating perhaps becoming psychotic or something. Thinking about the drive home I knew my mother was thinking about what she had witnessed and how she was going to interrogate me. I wondered if I could avoid things until I left home tomorrow lunchtime, at the same time I was becoming aware of more than just the power of my own latent sensuality, somehow I had something even more potent floating about inside me and that was exciting but also a bit scary.

As we walked back to the car, my dad put his arm around me in a protective manner. It felt nice that he seemed to accept the change in my status so readily, I was so proud of both my parents, but of him especially. He gave me a quick hug as we walked and said quietly to me,” I can’t believe you have blossomed so well so quickly. I am very pleased for you and proud of you.” I felt myself well up inside, and said nothing but squeezed him to let him know I accepted his comment.

We drove back in relative silence, broken occasionally by mother still on about lions. My mind flitted about from thing to thing, my experience with Banks which made me smirk to myself, the thing with the lioness goddess, my pride (no pun intended) of my parents, and my conflicting thoughts about my dad. If he wasn’t my dad I could quite fancy him. Maybe I should talk to someone about this feeling. Shouldn’t this have happened when I was about eight or nine not, eighteen or nineteen; but then I was a case of severely arrested development. I felt a sense of turmoil in some ways, wondering how this would all turn out.

Did I fancy men, or just my dad, was it just a fantasy and thus disappear if the opportunity to ever do something arose with a man. It was a little scary. Well, alright it was bloody terrifying, but also very exciting.

I thought back to seeing myself in the mirror in the pub. I was really up for it. Well, if I knew quite what that meant, I might be up for it. Well I felt good, I felt sexy, I felt confident, I felt powerful and now thinking about it, I felt rather silly. What if Banks had responded to my rapid seduction? Oops! It could have got messy especially as my father might have dropped his pacifist principles and Banks all in the same moment. I felt myself blushing and feeling very embarrassed, thank God it was too dark for anyone to see.

Just what had I been thinking of? Gee whiz, it had been very close, close to disaster or potentially so. But instead, it had worked and I had returned the embarrassment Banks had caused my family and me. Honours were even, debts cancelled and all that stuff. Had the udjat protected me, because it had been strong within me tonight? Perhaps it had, I liked to think so and I’m sure this was what my mother was picking up from me. Yes, it had been an interesting night, I had learned a lot about myself. Well enough to recognise that I had much more to learn about myself and my relationships with others, especially what was now the opposite sex. S-c-a-r-y!

Nothing more was said that night about lions or the unfortunate Mr Banks, it was late when we got home and we all went to bed soon afterwards. When I took off my jewellery I thought of my gran, she was a lovely old lady and I missed her. I have no doubt that she knew about me, or what would happen because in some ways she treated me as much like a granddaughter as a grandson, we did sewing and knitting together, we used to clean out her drawers and cupboards and we used to bake cakes and make pastries.

She taught me the rudiments of cooking and ironing, sewing and mending. At the age of ten, I had no idea how cars worked unlike most of my contemporaries but I could set up a sewing machine and vary the stitch type, fill the bobbin and a few other things. I could also sew simple things with it, and could do simple hemming by hand. I loved my gran and sometimes felt her near me. I suspect she would not have approved of my ‘seduction’ of Banks, but she probably would have liked my outfit. I did my skin cleansing, cleaned my teeth and slipped into bed.

Lots of things went through my mind as I drifted off to sleep. I think I went off quite quickly, a glass or two of wine having a soporific effect upon me. So soon I was into REM sleep and dreams that accompany it. My dreams often seem to have little meaning that I can understand or remember when I wake up. Thankfully, most of them seem benign if not pleasant insofar as I don’t have too many bad ones.

Tonight, unsurprisingly I dreamt of my gran and we were doing girly things together, I think making my teddy’s green suit. She was telling me that I should have been born a girl and she was glad I had finally realised it myself. She also told me that her family gift was stronger in me than my mum, but that I would be the catalyst to my mum’s development. She told me that I would be a healer, in whatever career I chose and that I was on the Earth for that purpose and nursing was a good outlet for my skills.

It seemed a very vivid dream and at one point I sat bolt upright in bed because I thought I could hear voices in my room.

I lay down again, breathing very quietly and straining my ears as I listened in the darkness. I looked at the clock-radio display, it was one in the morning and I’d been asleep for about an hour. However, I had woken so recalled the recent dream quite clearly. Thinking about my gran gave me a warm feeling and I slipped off to sleep again.

I dreamt again, and once more it was quite vivid. I was in ancient Egypt and people were gabbling in a language I’d never heard before yet I understood and could speak it myself. As I went deeper into the dream, I realised that I was in a temple and that I seemed to work there. I was a priestess, a priestess of Re, the sun god and his daughter, you guessed it, Sekhmet.

It seemed part of my duties was to keep the statues of both divinities clean and shining. This day I was cleaning and polishing the statue of my goddess when as I rubbed her face, her eyes opened and she stared back at me. Her eyes were fierce like that of a lioness and I immediately fell to my knees and asked her forgiveness if I had caused her any harm.

Even though I was on my knees face to the floor I could feel her eyes burning into my back. I was very fearful and felt a combination of tears and sweat running down my face as I begged for her mercy. I heard a lion’s roar and felt my time was finished, preparing myself for death, I stopped my supplication and decided to look my attacker in the face.

I heard the roar again and hesitated, but maintained my course of action even though it may be seen as provocative or impertinent. As we made eye contact I felt the irritation of the goddess at my effrontery turn to amusement. Her voice, sweet and yet echoing in the chamber, booming in my head making me shake with fear began thus,

“So little priestess you would gaze upon the face of the divine. Do you not know that for your impertinence I may demand your life and your soul?”

Trying not to shake, I replied that I did know but had meant no offence. The goddess laughed. I laughed too and noticed that I had wet myself. Mortified that she would notice and destroy me, I fell to the floor and tried to cover the small yellow puddle with my dress.

“How shall I deal with you?” came the sweet, reverberating voice.

“With mercy Oh great goddess.”

“Why should I be merciful. Do you not know that I am ‘The Destroyer’ the udjat, ‘The Eye of Re’. I lay waste whole continents, why should I spare you?”

“Great are the stories of your acts, my goddess and it is your divine right to destroy me or spare me as you see fit. In my defence, I can only say that if you choose to let me live, I will serve you as long as breath remains within my body. If you destroy me, then this humble servant will not be able to carry out her loving tasks.”

Once more the laugh rumbled around the place causing me to tremble, but not now with fear. If I was to die, then I should do so with some dignity. “You have spoken well for a mortal, who despite the fear that leaked out of your bladder, has shown some courage and sharpness of mind. Stand my child and look into my eyes.”

I did as she bade me do, and standing before her felt her eyes bore deeply into mine consuming me, sucking me out and replacing me with her fire. As I gazed into those golden eyes, I could see the savannah before me and herds of grazing beasts, I saw her select one, pursue it and kill it. I saw her feed her cubs. I saw her return to her lioness-human form walking like a giant, her stare sending out great rays of sunlight which consumed all before her in flames. I saw her lay waste to cities and nations, searing the earth before her and all upon it. As all this happened I felt her spirit enter me.

“You will serve me until the end of time or be destroyed like those you have seen. Which will you choose?”

As the voice boomed about me I answered with my thoughts. ‘I am destined to serve you, great goddess, even until the end of time. I am yours to command or destroy as you see fit.’

The response was a laugh that caused the whole building to shake like an earthquake and her stare became a beam of fire which began to surround me with its blinding heat and light. I felt myself fall and prepared for death, everything went black. I awoke being bathed with cold water across my face, it was a fellow priestess.

“What happened, your clothes were all burned around you, the floor was scorched all around you but you were unhurt, lying as if asleep. What happened?”

“I was cleaning her divine statue when it came to life and spoke to me..”

“By Osiris, were you not afraid?”

“I was so frightened that I pissed myself.”

“Did that not upset the goddess?”

“Not especially.”

“But she spared you. The goddess of destruction spared you.”

“So it would seem.”

“You are highly honoured.”

“It is a mixed blessing, I am spared to serve her until the end of time.”

“A great honour, she has chosen you to be her high priestess.”

“No, she has chosen me to be her slave.” As I said this we heard the booming laughter, my colleague was afraid but this time I was not, because some of the laughter came from within me. I knew I had some of her power within me to use in her service but also in the service of my fellow men and women. I had the power to destroy or to save and I had carried this power for a hundred generations and incarnations, I always would carry it until the end of time. I felt the spirit of the lioness within me and I knew.

I sat bolt upright in my bed, my room was shaking with the booming laughter, the whole house was shaking with the laughter, my parents were calling to me from outside the door alarmed by something, the house continued to shake and shudder and then I stopped laughing and all was quiet.

“Jamie are you alright?” my father called as he entered my room, closely followed by my mother. I could see their outlines against the light spilling in from the landing.

“I’m okay,” I replied, feeling the sweat dripping off me.

“What in the name of God was that ?”

“What?” I asked.

“That noise, like demonic laughter, the whole house was shaking with it. Did you not hear it?”

“I was fast asleep but something woke me.”

My mother switched on my bedroom light, “Oh my god..”

The bed around me was all scorched. Small puffs of smoke still rose from the remains of the sheets. My father pulled me from the bed and dragged the sheets off the bed. There was no fire, but the sheets were scorched. My shape was burned into them. It was mega weird.

“What is happening, Jamie, you know don’t you? Please tell me. Tell us.” My mother looked extremely worried.

“I don’t know, honestly, Mum. I just had this dream…”

“She was here wasn’t she?”

“Who was here?” exclaimed my dad, ”Will one of you please tell me what the bloody hell is going on here.”

“The lioness. You saw the lioness woman didn’t you?”

“Yes, Mum, I did.”

“Who is she, Jamie ?”

“Sekhmet.”

“Who or what is Sekhmet ?” demanded my father.

“The Eye of Re.”

“What ?” said Dad.

“The Egyptian goddess of destruction.”

“Will somebody tell me what the bloody hell is going on here, what on earth is the Egyptian goddess of destruction doing in my daughter’s bedroom at two o clock in the bloody morning, and why has she scorched a brand new set of sheets?”

“I don’t know.”

“Jesus bloody Christ, who does know.”

“This thing has been around you all night hasn’t it?” asked my mum.

“I guess so.”

“That’s why you were so cocky in the pub, wasn’t it?”

“Probably.”

“How did you call it up?”

“I didn’t.”

“So how did it get here ?”

“It follows me.”

“What do you mean it follows you?”

“It has followed me for four thousand years.”

“What do you mean, four thousand years.”

“For hundreds of incarnations. I tried to escape it by becoming a male this time but destiny took over and made me female. I was a priestess of Sekhmet in ancient Egypt. She owns me, she just came by to remind me.”

“That’s why I kept seeing lionesses wasn’t it?”

“Yes, Mum.”

“So what happens now?”

“I don’t know, but I suspect nothing much, now she has reminded me unless I have something specific to do.”

“Like what?”

“Destroy a city or a nation.”

“What?”

“It’s a joke, Mum.”

“Not a very funny one.”

“Sorry.”

“So is my house going to burn down?”

“No. Nothing else will happen.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“The purpose was to remind me of our deal. She has done that.”

“So that’s it?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good. Can I go back to bed without any more demons waking me up, shaking my house or burning the bloody thing down?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“Good.” With that, he stomped off back to bed.

My mother sat alongside me on the bed and put her arm around me. We hugged, I was beginning to feel a bit cold. “Here.” She said, putting the duvet around me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, don’t worry nothing else will happen.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Do you see or feel the lioness around ?”

“No, darling.”

“Well, then she has gone.”

“How do I know she won’t return?”

“You’ll have to trust me. She will only come back to protect what is hers.”

“And that is…”

“Me. She owns me.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I, Mum, but I saw it all in a dream. She owns me and that’s all there is to it.”

“This is like a possession by demons or evil spirits. They can exorcise these things, I remember seeing a programme on television about it all.”

“No, Mum, it isn’t like that.”

“But these priests can shift anything.”

“No, Mum.”

“Why not? Why not give it a try.”

“It’s too dangerous.”

“What for you?”

“No, Mum, for the planet.”

“Don’t be silly love. How can the planet be endangered except from global warming or natural disaster.”

“Right now Sekhmet is contained in me. Any attempt to remove her will cause her to become angry and then she will really show you how she got her name. Global warming will pale into insignificance if she gets going.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her destiny is to destroy the world by fire. If no one upsets her it will take its course when the sun gets larger as a red dwarf or whatever, and burn up the earth and several other planets. Sekhmet is the power of the sun, she is a sun goddess. If however, someone liberates her before, then it could all happen a few billion years earlier.”

“You believe all this do you?”

“The evidence is before you,” I said pointing at the sheets.

“I feel frightened for you.” She hugged me.

“I’ll be okay. Remember she likes me.”

“If she protects you how come she didn’t against that horrible girl?”

“I thought I explained that. This time I incarnated as a male to try and escape my fate. She brought me back into line. Pam Davis was simply a pawn in the game.”

“But aren’t you just a pawn too?”

“Yes, but a queen’s pawn.”

“I see,” she said but I’m not sure she did understand, it was a bit weird even for me to comprehend, but it did explain my fascination with ancient Egypt and possibly even the psychic stuff.

Mum went back to bed, however, unsurprisingly none of us slept that night.