Chapter 2

Amos glared at me. He tried to retake control of the situation, but I was very determined. Carla was helping as well, and between us, we were able to keep control.

"If you feel the way about me that you claim, why don't you look at my memories?"

He stared at me for a moment. "Do they have Carlson in them?" He asked.

"Of course," I answered.

"Then I'm not interested," He told me.

I was confused. "Then, what's your purpose in keeping me here?"

"Control."

Carla spoke up. "So you aren't interested in Rose at all. It's all about you!"

"Shut up," he screamed at her. You are mine and have been for years. You serve me!"

"Really? You've never even noticed me in here. I hid all those years."

I was surprised at that. How could Carla be both in her body and here? It didn't make sense to me.

I couldn't focus on that right now. I had to keep up my concentration as Carla couldn't control the situation on her own.

"Why?" I asked.

He turned back to me.

"Why don't you want to look at my memories?"

"You are brainwashed by Carlson. I've seen the effects."

"What?" I was indignant. "John has never brainwashed me."

"Of course he has. You would never have married him if he hadn't."

"Why?"

"He has had control of you since you were children. We were friends, but then you suddenly became friends with Carlson, and our friendship ended.

"Is that what you think?" I asked him. "I tried to include you, but you wanted nothing more to do with me."

He stared at me for a moment. "Show me."

We dove into my memories this time and went back to school with him experiencing my emotions. He saw things from my point of view this time. He saw that I had tried to include him many times. Even when John showed us the drawings of his station, he saw that Amos was there, and when I beckoned Amos over, John's face was sad when he refused to join us.

Amos was confused, and he pulled us from one memory to another of times with John. It was true that on a fishing trip, I was happy not to have Amos along. And when John built me a kite for my thirteenth birthday, my memories shocked Amos.

I had never seen a kite before. I didn't even know what it was, but I went out to a field near our homes with him. He told me to hold it until the string was taut, then to let go. He took off running, and I watched as the kite flew up and up. It caught in the wind, and John stopped running. I ran to where he was and watched. He handed me the spool of string, and as I took it, there was too much slack, and the kite started dropping. John grabbed onto my hands and pulled out the slack, and the kite went back up.

I was thrilled, not so much in the kite, although it was the vehicle I was using to fuel my imagination. There, I was not a thirteen-year-old boy, but a girl, in a sundress with long hair blowing in the breeze. My boyfriend had his arms around me, holding onto my hands and guiding them as we had a wonderful time together.

Amos pulled us back to my very young days, and we sped through my memories until we found the point he wanted.

He pulled us out of the dive, and we were once again separate and facing each other. "You are a girl," he said flatly.

I giggled slightly. "Looks that way doesn't it," I said, gesturing at my body.

He scowled. "You always have been."

"Yes," I told him. "I have always been."

He retook control, and we dove through my life. I could feel him soaking up what I perceived as he experienced my life.

I was in my restaurant, where I loved to play with different recipes. I was working on an idea where I did a pork marinade in lime juice kicked with several types of hot peppers, and I saw John stick his head in the door to my kitchen, and I smiled at him.

He gave me his typical cocky grin, then went to sit down.

I dished up three of my day's specials, put them on a tray, and set them in the dumbwaiter to carry them to the second floor.

By the time I arrived on the second floor, they had been carried out to the table that was always reserved for John, Perl, and me. It was in a special alcove, and my hosts were told that they were not to use that table unless absolutely necessary and then only with my direct approval.

From that table, I could see all of the restaurant below, and on the second-floor balcony. There was one-way glass between us and the rest of the dining area. The lights in the alcove would have to be turned up, and that was never allowed.

We started to eat, and both John and Perl commented that they enjoyed the pork chops I had made. French Fries were not on my menu, but I knew that they were John’s favorite type of potato, followed closely by tater tots. He loved fried potatoes of any kind, actually, so I made fries for him every night, as both of them had a standing invite to dine with me. John always did, unless he was on a date, which he rarely was.

I always wondered why that was. He was a handsome man, but the only dating he did was to take Perl out occasionally, telling me that they weren't an item.

He urged me to take her out as well, and I did once, but it felt so strange. We had a good time, but it was more like a girls night out than a date.

I glanced out at the restaurant, and I saw the familiar white head of Amos enter one of the expensive rooms on the far side of the second floor.

John and Perl saw me looking to the other side, and saw him too.

“I’ll never understand how he managed to become the head of the government,” Perl said.

“He's brilliant," I said quietly.

“Being smart doesn’t get you elected,” John told me.

They were seated across the table from me, and I gave them a sad smile, saying, "I always felt bad for him growing up. It was like one of those – oh, what did they call them – savants. I've tried to get him to join us time and time again, but he just doesn't want to."

“Well, I’m glad he doesn’t want to. I’m fed up with his policies,” Perl remarked. “I might be tempted to tell him what I think.”

John was looking at me strangely. “Do you have a thing for him?”

“What?! Of course not! I’m not homosexual,” I told him vehemently.”

“Just checking,” he said. “I mean, it wouldn’t matter if you were -- I’d just be surprised if you were interested in him.”

“I don't like his policies any better than Perl."

“I just call ‘em as I see ‘em,” she said flippantly.

I didn’t respond to her. I was giving an interested stare at John. “So tell me, John. Who do you see me with?”

He didn't say anything but kept my eye as he very slowly took a bite of a French fry.

I raised an eyebrow and resumed eating myself.

Perl snorted at us and looked across the room again. A waitress walked in and set down his food. I noticed that she was showing a bit more leg than usual, and had actually opened her top to show some cleavage. Amos, however, didn't react. He never did.

“It wouldn’t matter if you were interested or not,” Perl commented. “Val is a looker, but he doesn’t give a damn.”

John was still looking as well, but I think he might have been looking at Val, not Amos. “So Gene isn’t gay. Are you?”

“No. Bi.”

We both turned to stare at her.

“And when were you going to tell us?” I asked. Of course, it didn’t matter to either of us, but we were surprised.

“It never came up,” she said as she ate the last piece of food from her plate, then pulled her dessert in front of her. She loved cheesecake, and I never understood how she could eat as much as she did. She did work out, however, as she owned a very lucrative security business.

I hadn’t finished everything on my plate, but my dessert of choice was there as well; pecan pie. I had a bit of a sweet tooth, and my mother had taught me to make a lot of candies and desserts while I was growing up. For a sweet pie, you just couldn’t do any better than a pecan pie.

Amos finished his meal before we left our alcove. After he did, he spent several minutes staring at the glass we were hidden behind. Once, when I invited him to join us, I had told him where we ate, and I now felt like he was looking directly at me. It made my skin crawl. We knew what had happened to the town of Las Vegas. I couldn’t believe he would transform people like that. It just seemed so sick.

I had genuinely liked him until he did that. I knew he didn’t have any social skills, but that was farther than anything I had ever anticipated.

That night, I went to bed thinking about Amos. What made him do those things. I couldn’t understand it, but I knew that my admiration for him was gone. I couldn’t wait until he was overthrown, and I knew it wouldn’t be very long. He had brought it on himself.

I was jarred awake by the sound of my front door, then the bedroom door breaking open. I was quickly handcuffed and taken onto a transport. My abductors pushed me out in the middle of Diamond Head along with thousands of people. We listened to a speech that Amos gave, in which he offered amnesty for those who agreed to abide by his rules. Many took the offer, but I knew they would be killed.

The rest of us, still numbering in the thousands we're transported to the station. I looked around for John, but I didn’t see him. My parents were there, as was Perl, but my older brother Paul, and my sister Carla were not.

We were horrified when the guards ejected those of us with a medical background, right before they left for Earth.

Shortly after, I felt vaguely sick when the station started to accelerate in a different direction. We were leaving the orbit of Earth.

John had been led in shortly before the engines fired. He and an electrical engineer, Marc Dodson, were working on the door, trying to get it unsealed, so I joined them.

Finally, John got the wheel to move. He stopped just before the locking dogs freed. He looked up at us. "Well?" He asked.

The people repeated the question throughout the bay.

"Open it," I said. There were many echoes of agreement from the crowd.

"What if they evacuated the air?" He asked.

"Is there any way to remedy that situation from here?" I asked in return.

"The hatch isn't electrically operated," Marc told me.

"So if they left it open," I said, not finishing my statement.

He nodded.

"What is they didn't?" I asked.

"I still can't do anything from here. There isn't any access to the wiring from here. All of the circuitry for the air circulation is on the other side of the circular corridor."

"So you're saying we have nothing to lose, " said my father from behind me.

Again, Marc nodded.

"Open it," my father said.

"Yes, Sir."

John spun the wheel the rest of the way. The dogs released, and he sighed as the door didn't burst open. He pushed it out and stepped through, followed by Marc. The corridor was dark, and I saw a hand torch come on. I was a bit scared, though I tried not to show it, but I didn't step through the hatch.

A few minutes later, lights came on; then, I stepped through. John and Marc were disappearing around the curve of the circle. I walked back into the bay and went to help some people.

I was nervous as hell, but I tried to steady myself, as I went around trying to help calm people. I wasn't sure how long it had been, but I noticed people looking expectantly at the door. I turned, and John and Marc were back. I went over to hear what they had found, and John announced to the room, "We shouldn't have any problems surviving. It appears that we were meant to."

I started to ask how, but he held up a hand. "We need to set up a few things. We're going to need someone to take charge. To be the leader for all of us, I would like to recommend Gene."

"What?!?"

John ignored my outburst and told everyone, "He can think and act rationally, even under pressure. We need that in a leader."

"Why not you? Or Marc?"

He shook his head as he answered me. "We will both be needed to maintain the station. You are the logical choice to be the commander."

"Not from where I'm standing," I told him.

He turned to the crowd. "All in favor?"

Almost everyone raised their hands.

I started to object, but John grabbed my arm and pulled me into the corridor. "I would offer to lead," he explained," but I really do need to maintain this station. It wasn't meant to operate with engines. It has thrusters, and they are all the stress it's designed to handle. I know and trust you. Please."

I mulled it over for a few minutes, then nodded. I didn't trust myself to speak.

Amos, Carla, and I sped up. We hurried through the memories of the building of our community, and the following year. Somewhere during that time, John discovered that the engines, while powerful, kept the station, or rather, the ship, accelerating at a rate the superstructure could handle. In that year, we arrived at the edge of the galaxy, then the engines separated from the ship and fell away. We would coast from then on.

Again, I felt exhausted and dizzy as we separated. We pulled back to the black room again.

This time Amos said nothing, so I asked, "you seem to have changed somewhat. Why?"

"I'm reconsidering what to do."

I started to see a glimmer of hope. Did all this really rest on me? "What are you considering?"

"For the first time in my life, I'm unsure." He looked at me, and I realized that there was some emotion in his eyes that I hadn't seen since we were children. The hate had left, and in its place was something that appeared to be confusion.

I had learned that confusion was not desirable in him. Any choice he made could be as bad or even worse than what we had seen before.

I looked at my sister, and she seemed to recognize it too.

I pulled us into a dive again. I was going to take Amos into the horrors he had caused, whether he liked it or not. He was going to experience my dreams and my frustrations. He would see his own actions from my perspective.

We went to the beginning of what he considered fun. His program in the ship had slammed several cargo doors shut on people, cutting them into multiple pieces. After a year as the commander of these people, I had gotten to know many of them. I still didn't know all fifteen thousand, two hundred ninety-eight of them, but I was working on that.

There were many horrors that I let him feel as I did. And through it all, he saw that I was concerned for those under my charge. I showed him that I took responsibility for them.

I pulled us out right before the full extent of the bots was released, and I wouldn't take him any further.

"Why did you stop?" he asked.

"Wasn't that enough?"

"Amos, beyond that, is something personal that you don't need to see," Carla supplied.

He shook his head. "We have seen parts of each others lives that were extremely personal. You understand the feelings that I had for you, Rose. I have decided to let you go to live your life with Carlson because of what I've seen. I had no idea how much hurt I had caused."

"I made a huge mistake, Amos."

He cocked his head. "Why do you say that?" He asked.

"I focused on myself. Not my people."

"Show me," he commanded.

I did.

We dove, and I was on the bridge. We were well into the second year of our trip to nowhere when things suddenly changed. John, Marc, and Perl were there with me. Suddenly Perl shot up from the computer where she had been working. She spun around, and a look of horror covered her face.

I saw that, but I was scared as well. I was scared of my friends. All three of them were frightening me for some reason. I was closest to the door, and I started to back toward it. I had to get out of there! Away from them. I didn't know why, just that I did!

I had almost made it out of the room when Perl bolted. She ran to my right, and I tried to move out of her way, but her hand touched mine. I spun away, and she fled out the door.

My world continued spinning as I felt like every bit of my body was torn apart. It was excruciating! A moment later, the pain disappeared, along with all my senses, and I seemed to be floating. I'm not sure how long it was until sensation returned, but it couldn't have been long. John and Marc were still staring at me. They backed away, and I took advantage of their fear and ran.

I ran to a storage closet and hid myself away and took stock. My body had changed. No longer was I a male. It was evident to me that I was now a female. I looked down at myself, and my emotions were a jumbled mess.

On the one hand, I was scared crazy about the change. It was the bots inside me, obviously. They were the only rational explanation. On the other hand, I was elated. I finally had what I had always wanted. I felt like I was now myself.

My only problem was that my clothes didn't fit anymore. My pants were tight around my hips but loose around my waist. The act of running had pulled them down a bit. My belt wouldn't tighten anymore, so I took some wire off a shelf and discarded the belt. I threaded the wire through the belt loops and tied it. The pants scrunched up, but at least they'd get me back to my apartment.

My shirt hung loose around my stomach, but I had burst a button right over my breasts. It felt good to say that, even if only in my mind. I had breasts! At the moment they were a nuisance, but I had them!

On the way to the closet, I had thrown a shoe. I started to giggle at the thought. I wasn't a horse! I sat down on the floor of the closet, hoping to get my emotions under control. Instead, I heard and felt a rip right at my butt. Lovely! This was just what I needed! I was happy about the new me, but why all the curves?

I started to cry at my predicament. I had my breasts peaking through a shirt with a missing button, and a ripped open backside in my pants. Plus, I had to get home through a station with lots of men, and they would all be looking at me! They'd see my breasts and my ass!

I was scared to death of men! The only man I wanted to see me was… I suddenly realized that while I had some of what I'd always wanted, I didn't have it all. Not by a long shot. There was a part of me that longed for John. It was an ache that I couldn't get out of my heart. But I was scared of him. Not just a little bit. No, this was a cold, irrational fear that didn't seem to come from anything. It was just there!

I sat there for a long time, and eventually, the light dimmed. It had been about three PM when the changes happened. I'd been huddled in this closet for seven hours, and I had to get home, so I reached down and removed my one remaining shoe. I'd been so terrified that I hadn't even thought about it until that moment. I stood up, opened the door a crack, and glanced out. Carefully, I eased out of the closet and started down the corridor.

Suddenly I heard someone around the curve, and I broke into a run. I hurried through the connecting tube, and out of the command center.

I stopped Amos, Carla, and myself for a moment. I knew what came next, and I didn't want Amos to experience it. He didn't need to see my discovery of my new self.

“Why did you stop us?” Amos demanded again.

“Because you don’t need to see what happens next.”

He didn’t push, for which I was grateful.

“I know what I programmed into the bots. What happened during those changes?"

I sighed. I really didn't want to talk about a lot of things, particularly since it was all based on physical changes and sex.

Every change brought more heartache. Even my relationship with John, although it blossomed into our eventual marriage, was loaded with questions.

Where I took him next was the death of my friend, Perl.

I was in my apartment, sitting down to my morning cup of coffee. I took a sip and closed my eyes as I felt the caffeine coursing through my body. I always started a day like this. As a male, caffeine affected me, but it didn't feel like this.

We were about two months into the time of fear. I still was afraid of John, but I wanted to get to know him like I never had before.

I pushed those thoughts away. I didn’t need them right now.

I moved my coffee mug off to the side and touched the tabletop in a particular spot. The surface changed from cherry wood to a screen showing reports from departments onboard the ship.

The first one was from John. I stared at the screen. The thoughts I had just pushed away came back immediately. I sighed and was about to touch a different report when I received a beep on my phone. I picked it up and looked.

Oh, good grief! It was John! I answered it, holding my breath.

“Rose, I need you to come to the command level now." His voice sounded strange.

“What is it?” I asked. “You know I never go there.”

“You need to now. There’s been a death. I’ll clear the way for you.” Now I recognized the odd sound in his voice. It was anguish.

“I’ll be right there,” I said, mystified.

I forgot about the reports and my coffee and quickly changed, then I hurried out of my apartment building. When I got to the bridge access corridor, I saw something partway through it. John was there, and he blocked my way.

“No!” he said forcefully.

“What's going on?" I asked. "First, you insist that I'm needed, then you won't let me near the scene!"

“It’s Perl,” he said simply.

I stared, then pushed by him, not realizing the significance and consequence of my action.

I got closer and simply collapsed to my knees. Perl's body was lying where it fell, but her head was about five feet down the corridor, resting on its left side, its short blonde hair turning a rusty red from the blood collecting in it.

I turned my head to one side and tried to empty my stomach.

I felt someone gently grasp my upper arms and help me to my feet. Instinctively, I buried my head in John’s chest and cried. “Why was she here?” I sobbed. “Neither of us ever come up here, so why now?”

It took a few minutes of crying for me to realize what I was doing. I pushed away and stared at him. There was no fear!

He was staring at me, utterly perplexed. He couldn't explain it either.

Slowly, I backed up a bit more. “What’s going on here?” I asked.

Suddenly, another of the command crew rounded the corner into the corridor. “Perl!”

It was Kari, another friend from high school. I didn't know her as well, but she had been Perl's roommate for years. Marc, who had been examining the body, stood and hurried to block her way.

They didn’t touch as John and I had, but they stood face to face. I wondered who would back down first. Marc was a bit stocky but well built. He often used those muscles to his advantage. Kari was incredibly beautiful, and her creamy brown skin always seemed to glow. Both knew how to use their assets, but neither seemed about to back down now.

Finally, Kari growled, “Move out of my way.”

I could tell that Marc wanted to give in, but he simply shook his head.

Kari tried to duck around, but he placed himself squarely in front of her again.

"I know you want to see her. To pay your respects, but now isn’t the time,” he told her.

“Why not?” she asked.

Marc sighed and looked to John for help. When none was forthcoming, he slowly stepped aside. Kari walked resolutely down the hall until she was able to see clearly. Then she lost it as I had. Unfortunately, where I had only had a single sip of coffee, Kari had eaten breakfast in a restaurant.

Marc was by her side in a moment. My stomach almost flipped when his bare hands touched her equally bare shoulders, but he didn’t change. Neither did she.

What was going on?

This time, I felt just as sick as I was in the memory as we pulled out of the dive. We stood in the dark room again.

“Have you made a decision?” I asked Amos. I hoped my voice didn’t betray my condition.

He stood there for a few minutes. “Yes,” he told me. He appeared thoughtful, then walked up to me. “I will promise you something, Rose."

“Because I still hold a place for you in my heart, I will not harm you, and by extension, your family. I see that harming them would harm you.”

“What about other people?” I asked.

“I will make no promises regarding others.”

“Will you let Carla go?”

“She is the one who is the sum total of her memories in here. Not me.”

The next thing I knew, I was shooting out of the dark hole I had been in.