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After a severe beating by his father, Alex was left in a coma and broken. Will his memory return and what will it mean for him if it does?

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Broken!

Copyright© 2020 Shauna J. Rousseau
All Rights Reserved.
(All images and artwork are property of and copyrighted by Shauna J. Rousseau.)

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Chapter Seven
 

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JEWEL
I finish tying my belt and feel the excitement and anticipation of another class building in me. Friday evening classes are always the most fun!

It has been two weeks since Momma came home from her early morning trip to Maddie’s. No one will talk about what happened that morning, but Alex has been different since then. He has become more serious and reserved again. He was just starting to loosen up and let a little Lexi out. Whatever happened that morning bottled her up again tighter than a genie after the third wish.

I sigh and check myself in the mirror, then leave the girl’s locker room and join Alex who is already on the mat with Amy.

Alex and I spar for about thirty minutes, practicing our defensive moves with Amy watching us closely. Alex is having issues with one particular move and Amy says, “JuJu, let me step in a minute.”

I step to the side of the mat and she steps in front of Alex and slowly demonstrates the move. Then she says, “I’m going to step in and attack. I want you to counter, then I’m going to throw you. Don’t worry, it will be a slow throw and you know how to fall. After we’re done, I will do the same with JuJu. I want you both to watch and critique the other, OK?”

We both nod and Amy ‘attacks’ Alex. He successfully ‘defends’ himself, then she has him on her shoulder and is going into a judo throw before he knows what happens. I am watching it and I can barely keep up. I think he is expecting a hip throw and it catches him by surprise. He does a funny twist and Amy’s grip slips. He falls and tries to roll, but unfortunately, he lands on his head. Hard.

ALEX
I groan. My head hurts. It is pounding and it is pitch black. I can hear faint voices like people talking far off in the distance. They sort of fade in and out a bit, then I distinctly hear JuJu along with some other unknown people. I latch on to her voice and focus hard on it. I sort of follow it like I am on some path through the fog to the light.

My eyes flutter open and JuJu exclaims, “Alex! Thank goodness! Are you OK?”

I look at her confused and gripe, “My head hurts, but why are you calling me Alex?”

It is her turn to look confused. A girl in a kimono looks concerned. I do not remember starting martial arts; when did JuJu talk me into this? I know it is all she can talk about and it is clear from the fact that JuJu and I are both wearing a kimono, too, that she must have somehow convinced both April and me. The girl says, “Stay right there and don’t move! We need to make sure you don’ have any head or neck injuries. But tell me, what else would she call you?”

I carefully raise my hands to my head and rub it. The girl with the brown belt quickly pins them down to my side and is looking at me with obvious concern—and confusion. I am as confused as she is. I do not understand why my nails are not pink like JuJu’s. We always paint them the same color. I focus back on the girl and say, “Well, by my real name, of course. Lexi. Or Alexis, if you must. I haven’t gone by Alex in over a year. Who are you, by the way? Where am I?”

I hear JuJu gasp. I am still totally confused.

A man that must be the Sensei by the way he is dressed says, “Ummm, Al…Lexi. You are in my dojo. You don’t remember that—or Amy? Do you remember me? You weren’t out long—only about a minute. But any amount of time is too much.”

I want to shake my head, but JuJu is holding it still at the girl’s insistence. I try to remember what is going on, but the last thing I remember is goofing around with JuJu last night. I just got a new dress and shoes and we were dancing our legs off to some old CDs of Momma’s.

A minute later, a guy in a kimono comes running in with a bag. He has a black belt and I guess that he is an E.M.T., or a doctor or something. He must have had the bag in his car. Some other guys in kimonos bring over a backboard. The black belt guy puts one of those neck brace collar things around my neck and then straps me to the board before giving me a quick once-over. He says, “I can’t see any obvious signs of a concussion, but the loss of consciousness and lapse in memory is certainly concerning. What is the last thing you remember, Al…Lexi?”

I sigh and wonder why people keep calling me Alexi. Sure, my name is Alexis, but I just go by Lexi, not Alex or Alexi. I say, “I guess the last thing I can clearly remember is goofing around with JuJu last night. We were at her house and I had on my new dress and shoes. We were dancing around to some of my Momma’s old CDs that I had brought with me.”

JuJu gasps and says, “Lexi, that was over a year ago!”

The girl in the brown belt, Amy I guess, looks distraught and says, “I called April and she’s on her way. She’ll be here in a few minutes. She said she would let Maddie know. I couldn’t get ahold of her.”

April comes rushing in a few minutes later and has a really worried look on her face. JuJu catches her and whispers something to her before she can come over to where they have me—still firmly strapped down on the backboard.

She smiles and says, “How are you feeling, Lexi? I hear you had a hard bump to the head?”

I try to nod, but the brace and head straps won’t let me, so I just say, “Yeah, I guess it knocked me out a minute or so and now everyone is freaked out and JuJu says the last thing I remember was over a year ago!”

She starts looking me over and uses the same light the guy did to look in my eyes. She says, “Well, I agree with George. In spite of losing consciousness, I don’t see any immediate signs of a concussion other than your loss of memory, which is of course very concerning. We’ll need to get you to the hospital for a full checkup. I’m afraid you won’t get much sleep tonight, young lady.”

At that moment, Momma bursts in and JuJu catches her, too, and whispers something. Momma looks shocked and comes over and asks, “Are you OK, Sweetheart?”

April says, “She seems OK other than her memory loss. We’ll need to get her to the hospital and observe her tonight. I think it should be a short-term memory loss this time. When her memories come back, it should be very interesting.”

I catch her comment about memory loss this time and wonder what she means, but I don’t get a chance to ask before the conversation moves on.

MADDIE
Amy takes me by side and says, “I am so sorry, Mrs. Jorden! My hand just slipped. It’s completely my fault!”

I give her a hug and say, “It’s OK, Amy. You have to expect things to happen in a sport like this. I don’t blame you. You may have done us a strange favor, actually.”

She gives me an odd look and I explain, “You noticed she is calling herself Lexi?”

She nods and says, “And you’re calling her ‘her’ like that’s normal.”

I sigh and glance over at my child. April is talking to her and still checking her out and I am not panicked knowing she is in her care. I say, “Alex was beaten severely by his father—or, I should say, Lexi was severely beaten by her bastard of a father and put into a coma because of who she was…is. When she finally came to, Alex couldn’t remember Lexi… Of course, you know that Alex was born in a boy’s body. Now it seems that Lexi is back. I know this is confusing. It is to me, too. Especially since Lexi now doesn’t seem to remember being Alex for the past several months and her last memory is prior to her…father…beating her up.”

Her eyes are bugging out and she sighs, “I think I just got dropped on my head—that made it hurt so much. But let me get this straight. Alex—or Lexi—was beaten by his…her father and put in a coma? No wonder he…she wants to learn martial arts!”

I sigh, “Actually that was JuJu that started that. At the time they started, Alex didn’t remember getting beat up. I’m grateful that she will be able to defend herself if for some unthinkable reason her father ever gets out.”

Amy hugs me and says, “I will talk to Sensei. We will take a special interest in those two. We have some special one-on-one classes that go beyond just the sport that I think will be good for them. After you get Al…Lexi’s head straightened back out!”

I smile and thank her profusely, “Thank you so much, Amy. I need to go get in the ambulance with Lexi. Is it OK if I leave my car parked in your lot?”

She says, “If you would like, I can bring it to the hospital and hitch a ride with Sensei back here for mine. We’ll both be going to the hospital anyway.”

I say, “You don’t have to do that. I know there really isn’t anything they can do other than check that there isn’t any hidden swelling. Other than that, it’s just a waiting game. One that we’ve been playing for well over a year now.”

Amy says, “Nonsense! We will be there! Just let me borrow your keys?”

I sigh in resignation and smile. I dig in my purse and hand her my keys, “It’s the red Subaru. Thanks, Amy!”

I rush over to Lexi; they are just loading her, on the backboard, onto a gurney for the trip to the hospital. She just keeps complaining that she can walk and doesn’t need to be strapped down or have the stupid collar around her neck.

April just hugs me and says, “I’ll meet you over there.”

---

LEXI
I watch the heart monitor make its little squiggly line, then repeat itself over and over. There is not much else to do. Momma is out in the hall talking to April and Dr. Abernathy.

The short ride in the ambulance was uneventful but interesting. I have never been in an ambulance before, that I can remember anyways. Being strapped down and wearing the neck brace was uncomfortable, but I guess I understand why they thought I might need all that. The MRI they gave me when we arrived dispelled any concerns of a neck injury, so at least I am rid of the brace and can move freely in the bed. I guess they are discussing the rest now, since I still have no memory of the last year—or so it seems. I still am not sure about April’s comment about losing my memory this time, and still have not had a chance to ask.

In any case, the last thing I can currently remember was supposedly over a year ago. As far as I can recollect, I am twelve and just got Dr. Smythe, April, to officially approve my status as transgendered a few weeks ago. As far as I am concerned, my name is Alexis Rose Jorden. ‘Rose’ in honor of my Great Grandmother on Momma’s side. I am looking forward to starting hormone blockers and having my name and gender officially changed. Of course, I am begging for female hormones, but know that won’t happen any time soon. My thirteenth birthday is coming up, and I may be able to start going to school with my best friend JuJu, who is April’s daughter.

Oh, and Momma just finalized her divorce from Daddy and we have moved out because he abuses her. While that makes me sad on the one hand, I am relieved. He is not at all happy with me being transgendered—something he denies even exists—and his verbal abuse towards me is getting worse. He scares me—and that Reverend Bigotti that he made me talk to is totally whacko. I hate to say it, but I am glad he doesn’t know where we are.

It is really weird knowing that a whole year has gone by that I can’t remember. Other than turning thirteen—and almost being fourteen—and starting Jiu Jitsu, what am I missing?

APRIL
“So, what do you think, Gerri,” I ask Dr. Abernathy, the radiologist that conducted the MRI. I know you found no neck or back injury, but what about brain swelling?”

She shakes her head and says, “No, there is no physical sign of serious injury that would account for the amnesia. She should be fine—physically, anyway. A few bruises, but nothing else. It seems she has her fair share of those from ‘regular’ practice injuries, anyway.”

I nod and say, “I’m still hopeful that this time it will be short-lived and her memories, all of them, will now come back. We have to be prepared for one shaken up little girl at that point. Of course, there is still the chance that once she remembers the attacks that the trauma will create enough angst that she buries herself again and Alex will take back over. Until she has all of her faculties, it will be hard to determine what the actual long-term damage her father inflicted on her will be. I’m a little worried there could even be some Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID.”

Maddie pales, then sighs and says, “This see-sawing is not good for any of us. I will be happy when my child is just able to settle on one path with all of her or his faculties intact. I know you can’t know this, Love, but when do you think her memories might return? I feel so helpless, right now.”

I shrug and say, “If I knew that, I would be sitting on a Golden Throne, somewhere. My feeling, though, is that the dam is about to break. I just have the feeling that it won’t be long.”

I look at Gerri and ask, “So, you see no concern with her sleeping, then?”

She shakes her head and says, “No, not really. We will need to confer with her attending physician, Frank Mayer, but I can’t see that he would have any concerns, either. I assume that she will be able to go home in the morning if there are no unforeseen complications.”

I nod and see Frank coming our way. He smiles and says, “Ladies! Let’s go in and have a talk with Lexi, shall we? Gerri, do you want to come along?”

She shakes her head and says, “No, I have reports to write up. Just let me know if you need me.”

Frank nods and turns to open the door. He motions for Maddie and me to go first, then enters Lexi’s room after us.

He smiles at Lexi and says, “Hi, Lexi. I’m Dr. Mayer and I just want to let you know that your tests came back fine—at least physically. There’s no sign of concussion, so we’ll let you sleep tonight and just monitor your vitals. Now, that doesn’t explain your memory loss, but that is Dr. Smythe’s arena and since you’re already under her care, we’ll leave that to her, OK?” He winks and says, “If nothing comes up, I think we can let you go home in the morning. Sound good?”

She nods and says, “Yes. Thank you, Doctor. It’s rather disconcerting not being able to remember the last year, though. You don’t think Daddy will be able to find us here, do you? After that last forced meeting with that Reverend Bigotti weirdo, I really don’t want to encounter him—or his wrath.”

He looks at me in confusion as to what to say and I jump in, “No, Lexi. He won’t find you or your Momma here. You’re safe.”

I look at Maddie and she nods. I say, “It’s been a long day, Love. Why don’t you try and get some rest? Your Momma will stay in here with you and I will go let your Sensei and Amy know you’re OK so they can go home. I know JuJu must be chomping at the bit to come in, too.”

I look at Frank and ask, “Is it OK for her to come in for a minute if Lexi promises to go to sleep right after that?”

He smiles and says, “I think that can be arranged.”

I look at Lexi and ask, “Deal?”

She grins and says, “Deal!”

MADDIE
I am sitting next to the bed, holding Lexi’s hand, when JuJu bursts into the room and nearly jumps in the bed with her. She giggles and embraces her in a big sisterly hug.

She exclaims, “Lexi! I hear you don’t have a concussion. Way to get out of practicing defensive moves!”

Lexi gets a confused look on her face and JuJu says, “I guess that makes no sense to you right now. It will though, soon! I just know it! Your memory is going to be back in no time!”

I say, “I’ll give you two just a few minutes to chatter then Lexi needs to get to sleep. OK, JuJu? I’m going to go get a cup of what they call coffee around here. When I get back, it’s lights out!”

JuJu nods and giggles, “Of course! But don’t hurry back!”

I go down the hall to the nurses’ station and pour myself a cup of coffee, then busy myself by making a fresh pot for them—about three times stronger than what I got. About ten minutes later, I return to Lexi’s room and find April gathering up her daughter.

I give her a hug and a quick kiss and feel Lexi’s surprised look burning into the back of my head. I had forgotten that she didn’t remember our last slipup. I sigh and say, “We’ll talk in the morning, Love. Go to sleep. I’ll be right back in.”

I follow April and JuJu out into the hall and sigh, “It’s getting impossible to remember what timeline we’re in. This is worse than someone changing history through time travel!”

April laughs and says, “No worries, Love. She was going to realize our status, one way or the other, soon enough. Go back in there and give her my love!”

I give her another quick kiss and hug JuJu before I take a deep breath and go back into the darkened room. I can tell Lexi is still awake by the light of the monitors and say quietly, “Try and get some sleep, Love.”

She says, “So what else have I missed, Momma? You and Aunt April are an item? What else?”

I sigh and say, “You didn’t really miss that, Hon. You just don’t remember it at the moment. Yes, April and I are in love and would like to get married sometime in the future. Would that bother you?”

She shakes her head and says, “No. Why would it? I really like April and having JuJu as a real sister would be cool. I just hate not remembering!”

I smile and say, “Maybe if you get some sleep it will help restore your memories. Why don’t you give it a try?”

She giggles and says, “I’m not sleepy, Momma, and that coffee smells good. I can almost taste it—how is that possible?”

I say, “Well, it’s kind of weak—no make that very weak. Anyway, I’ve been letting you drink a little here and there. If you close your eyes and get some sleep, I might let you have some when we get home tomorrow. To copy April’s phrase… Deal?”

She smiles and nods, then says, “OK, sure. I’ll close my eyes, but I won’t fall asleep!”

I wait about five minutes and pull the covers up over her. I kiss her forehead and smile. She is sound asleep.

---

LEXI
I hug JuJu and April as we leave. Momma just came to pick me up at their house and I am still out of breath from dancing and just goofing around and having fun. I haven’t laughed so much in ages!

I follow Momma to the car, and she smiles as I sing some of the songs from her old CDs that JuJu and I had been dancing to.

We arrive at the house and Momma pushes the button to open the garage door. She drives in and as we get out, Daddy surprises us by rushing in through the open door. He isn’t supposed to know where we are! Where did he come from?

He grabs Momma and twists her arm hard, and I hear a loud snap; then he hits her in the face, and I hear a crack. It knocks her back into the car and she crumples to the ground. I think she is out cold.

I quickly run inside and try to hide—trying hard not to whimper. He follows me in, smashing anything in his way. He catches up and grabs me, then starts slapping me and yelling that I am his son and he will not tolerate me being a fagot. He says something about going to see Reverend Bigotti again. I try to fight back. I kick and scratch and sob that I am a girl—his daughter.

Something in him snaps and he throws me to the floor. I feel my arm break as he does. He then starts kicking me in the head with his cowboy boots.

The last thing I remember is the sound of sirens and him leaving me there in a pitiful broken heap while he tries to run. I can barely see the policewoman tackle him with my eyes already nearly completely swollen shut. Thankfully, everything turns black.

I hear sounds… Momma talking… It is so far away… I seem to be floating in some weird foggy space… I have no sense of time or of where I am. I just sort of seem to ‘be’…

I wake up in the hospital and don’t remember what has happened. I just know that I am Alex and have this strange feeling that I need to be glad that I am alive.

I don’t remember April or JuJu. I don’t remember Lexi.

The events of the next year continue to unfold until I am back at the Dojo and Amy is throwing me.

I wake up as Lexi on the floor…

MADDIE
I try my best to stay awake for a bit, but this weak coffee has no kick. I drift off to sleep sitting in the chair next to her bed and holding her hand. The last thing I notice is her stirring restlessly in her sleep and my heart aches for her.

I am suddenly awakened by Lexi jerking around and crying out in terror, “Momma!”

My eyes snap open and I see my child lying in the hospital bed in a fetal position and sobbing. I quickly get into the bed with her and pull her into a hug. I gently stroke her hair while making soothing sounds to try and calm her down.

She is totally distraught and just moans between sobs, “I remember, Momma. I remember everything! He…he…beat me! It hurt so bad! I couldn’t stop him! I tried! You were hurt, too! I…”

I shoosh her and say, “We both tried, Love. He surprised us both and attacked us when we least expected it. Neither of us could stop him. I was just awake enough after he beat me and left me to come after you that I was able to call 911. There was a police car the next block over that was able to quickly respond and arrived within minutes. I’m certain that is what saved both of our lives that night. I am so thankful for those officers being there for us.”

She wails, “How could he, Momma? How could he hurt us like that? I never did anything to him. I wanted to be a good daughter to him, but he didn’t want me as his daughter. Only his son…”

I sigh and say, “Yes, he can’t understand that there are things that aren’t black and white when it comes to gender and sexual orientation—or that people can be born in the wrong body when it comes to biological sex. His ‘friends’ only reinforce those bigoted views and how to handle what they perceive as perverts.”

I hold her tight and prod, “So, you remember everything back to before your coma and after?”

She nods in my shoulder and says in a muffled, sniffly voice, “I even remember bits and pieces from the coma. It all came back to me in my dreams last night. I remember it all vividly.”

I look at the clock and see it is 4:00 a.m. and smile. I say, “It is still last night. I suppose you’re not going to get back to sleep now, though. Let me see if there is a nurse around. You’re probably hungry since you didn’t really get to eat last night.”

Her stomach growls as if in response and she says, “I could eat a horse, if it wouldn’t mess up the hard work I have put into losing all that weight that I gained. I still can’t believe I let myself go that badly!”

I smile and say, “I’ll be right back.”

I gently disengage myself from her desperately tight hug and go out to the nurses’ station. I find the night nurse on duty and ask if it is possible to get her something to snack on. She promises to get her something and I start walking back to her room. As I do, I text April, “She remembers everything!”

I wipe the tears of relief from my eyes and go back into her room. She is pale and still has a haunted look in her eyes. I know the memories are tearing at her, but at least she has them! I take a steadying breath and say, “OK, Love. The nurse promised to bring you something. How do you feel, otherwise?”

She sighs and says, “Dejected—and terrified. But nothing a nice day of pampering at the spa wouldn’t help!”

I giggle in spite of myself and ask, “So, I suppose that I means my daughter is back to stay?”

She sniffles and grabs a Kleenex to wipe her nose, then asks shrewdly, “Well, yes? Am I supposed to change who I am because my sperm donor is an idiot?”

I laugh out loud and squeeze her in another tight hug. “No, Love,” I sigh in contentment. “Now you’re sounding more like my old Lexi. Welcome back to the living, Love!”

APRIL
I hurry to the hospital as soon as I see the text, which is at 5:00 a.m. I just pull JuJu out of bed and put her in the car as soon as she is out of her pajamas and in a dress, totally confused as to what is going on. I quickly grab a few things from her closet on my way out. I make it to the hospital in record time.

We walk into the hospital room to find Lexi just finishing up a cup of chocolate pudding and sipping on a steaming cup of coffee. She looks alert and only a slight bit pale.

I hurry over and give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek to go with my, “Good morning, Sweetheart!” I smile at her and while a still-sleepy and confused JuJu is hugging her, I hug Mads and give her a good morning kiss.

Finally, I look back at her and say, “So, I hear that you finally remember everything, Lexi. It is still Lexi, right?”

She grins and says, “You know it, April! There’s no way my crappy sperm donor is going to keep me from being myself. I almost let him win when I couldn’t remember who I really was because of his abuse. Well, this girl is over him!”

I go hug her fiercely and say, “You go, girl!” Then, I say in a much quieter and more serious voice, “Now, tell me how you really feel.”

Her face saddens and she says in a very quiet voice, “I feel sick that he would do that to me…to us. I hate that I buried that somewhere for so long, but I can sort of understand it. It’s all so hard to process. I do feel that I am Lexi, but I have to wonder why Alex surfaced for so long—and I know he is not completely gone. He’s in the back of my mind still—making me doubt myself.”

I fight a sigh. The way she is describing ‘Alex’ and ‘Lexi’ as separate people is something we will have to discuss later. They are one and the same—just different sides of the coin. I am still worried about possible DID—all because of that bastard! Damn him to Hell!

I hug her again and say, “Well, you have your Momma, JuJu, and me. Together, we’re going to be a family and, together, we’re going to beat this demon your father has forced on you into full submission. Deal?”

She smiles and hugs me back as she whispers, “Deal.” She unashamedly wipes the tears from her eyes, and I fight my own. I sigh in relief that things are finally moving in a forward direction and say, “I’m going to go see if I can get you an early release and I say we all go get some real breakfast. Sound like a plan?”

I get three loud yesses and grin.