Hello I’m Dave and this is the story of how I became my sisters friends bridesmaid... it all started a few months ago.
Chapter 1 Backup
It was my sisters wedding and she all her friends were participating in it and Kate was the flower girl, Kate told me she’d give me 200$ if I was backup flower girl and I said yes because there was no way she would miss my sisters wedding.
Chapter 2 Sick
Kate got sick and the doctor told her she couldn’t go outside for a month and the wedding was in 2 weeks. So my sister went up to me smiling and said “guess who’s gonna be my flower girl” I said “Kate” she said “no Kate can’t leave her house for a month and said you agreed to be backup flower girl” I screamed “no” then she said “we are going shopping this’s afternoon, hold I have to call my friends”.
Chapter 3 Shopping
Our first stop was Victoria’s Secret because the girls said I needed to get panties, bras, and perfume. Next was the dress store where they got me a pink flowery dress for the wedding, and blue dress for the reception. Then we went to more store to get clothes for the bridesmaid party (the flower girl was counted as a bridesmaid). Then we left the mall. Then we went to the shoe store to get me high heels.
Chapter 4 hair salon
To be continued
Comments
Sorry to be critical, but
This isn't a story, it's the summary of a story. You really need to fill it out to make it a proper story. Don't be discouraged, we all had to start somewhere.
Bronwen's Right
You need a lot of background to bring this to life. It's a fairly common theme on this site and you have to make it interesting to attract readers.
For instance...just a suggestion..."no way she would miss my sister's wedding and this would be the easiest $200 I had ever earned. In my mind I imagined all the things I would spend it on...." etc.
Don't stop. Keep going.
I can't help but notice
I can't help but notice Chapter 1 has one sentence, chapter 2 has two, and chapter 3 has four.
If you are, in fact, engaging us in a highly developed mathematical algorithmic put-on, kudos to you. If not, perhaps you could look at the other stories here and understand that a chapter is normally significantly longer than this.
People Have Said Some Pretty Nice Things About. . .
. . .my writing.
It's not at all like yours.
That doesn't mean you're wrong and I'm right.
There are very few "rules" for writing.
Note that you already have more hits than I normally get for my stories. Some might say that makes you the winner.
I say you're a winner simply for posting a story.
You had the fun of writing it. You had the fun of thinking about what you wanted to write. All the rest is -- secondary.
Thanks for writing.
Jill
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)