Berdache

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Berdache
by
BrandieS

During an excavation of Native American Artifacts in Northern New Mexico, remnants of a Village were discovered. Native American Historians were called in to assist the Archeologist and to provide background and historical perspective. In a too large clay pot, a fur was found carefully rolled and tied. The pot was in bad repair and with the help of key members of the teams, the fur was removed and recovered. To the wonder of the Research personnel, the skin side of the fur had been written on in a crude style of Printing. The following was transcribed from the skin. Researchers note the while the narrative is entertaining, ascertaining the truth of the story would be dificult indeed. Still the following was inscribed on the skin.

I am old now and have lived with the people as I come to call them for many Summers. I have seen the whites come into our land and take what we have. I have seen the people move farther and farther into the mountains and still the white ones come. My heart is heavy and my eyes grow wet at the changes I have seen. I wasn't always old as you see me, but once I was young. I was even a boy. My children's children think I am chewing the 'root', but I was a boy. And it was long ago that I was one of the despised whites. I put my story on my sleeping skins and maybe someday the Great Spirit will reveal the truth to all man. My hand grows weak and I tire easily. My children's children watch me and wait for me to take the long sleep. I must write what I have seen before I sleep.

Hot. Hot and dry. The weather didn't change much. I had to get out of this place. But where to go. Near as I could figure, I had been walking for about 1 or 2 months. Alone. I did alright at the begining making maybe 20 miles a day. I walked with the mountains to my right. Mornings the sun on my left and as the day went on, it was on right. I still carried a small pack of fixins and a canteen. I knew what plants to eat and once in a while I got me a bird or a rabbit. I had made a sling shot out of a pair of Ma's garters I found in our old wagon. Wasn't much, but it helped. I was hungry, but didn't starve. Stopping I studied the skyline and was just about to turn away when I saw it. Dust. Maybe a rider. Comming this way. I set out for the dust and walked one foot in front of the other.

I remember the day we set out for Oregon. Just the word filled us with fanciful visions. Some said that the ocean was there and a river so big that made God cry. Pa and me worked the oxen and Ma and my little sister helped out with camp stuff. We had started with a overland party, but had got seperated when some of the wagons got the sickness. We got the sickness too and my sister died. Ma cried all night. I know Pa cried too, but he didn't show the tears. After we buried my sister, we started again and was doing ok, then Ma got sick. I had to take care of her till the end. It was hard. I was only 14 years old and had never seen a female undressed and I had to take care of my Ma. She said it was ok and she talked to me. She told me stories and family history. At the end she must have been out of her mind with the fever cause she said "Jesse, you take care of your Pa now. He needs a good woman to help guide him and do for him. That's your job. You're gonna be a beautiful girl some day. I'll miss you." Then she died while I was holding her. Pa came over to us as he heard my crying.

After we buried Ma, we set out again. Did ok for a while, then the wagon broke a wheel and we had no spare. Pa set up camp and we looked over our posessions and set aside what we was going to take with us. Pa rigged a pack out of the wagon top to put on the oxen and come morning we set out again. We could see some mountains in the distance and Pa said to head for a certain pass. He showed me where it was and we kept walking. There was snow on the mountain and Pa said he was sorry. He said that he lost track of time and forgot what month it was. We had started out in late April and it was now October. Snow had set in in the higher elevations and we were in a bind.

That night we camped early and scouted the area. In the morning, Pa led me to a stand of young pine trees and he marked the ones he was to cut. As he cut the trees, I pulled them to a clearing and using a hatchet cut off the branches. I laid the trees in one pile and the branches in another. When Pa thought we had plenty, we fixed a drag and using one of the ox pulled the trees to our campsite. We made a second trip for the branches and after getting a bite to eat, we set about making a shelter. Pa had us build a modified Lean-to. Instead of the roof touching the ground, we built a low back wall. The building took about four days to complete. We used the branches as beds and covered the top with pine straw and rocks. There was water nearby and Pa shot a mule deer. We would be ok. Pa kept working on the shelter and had a small hearth in one end of it. We cut wood and pulled in felled trees so we would have fire wood. I found some game runs and we set traps and snares. There was also a small stream and we fished. I'm not saying it was easy, but we made it through the winter. Cept that Pa lost a lot of weight and I changed too.

Finally the weather was clearing up. Both Pa and me needed a bath. I headed for the stream and cleanliness. I stripped off my clothes and just jumped in the water. It was cold. I felt my manhood draw up and my chest draw up too. When I looked at my chest something didn't look right. I looked swoll up, and it hurt. I rubbed my chest and it felt better, though. Using some fine grit from the stream botton, I scrubbed at the dirt on my body. It may sound strange, but I got clean. I scrubbed all over. I even used some of the grit in my hair. I had to rinse out my hair several times. but finally I was clean. I washed out my clothes and got out of the water and pulled my boots on. Grabbing my wet clothes, I walked back to the lean-to to get my other clothes. I wasn't ashamed of being naked and there was no one to see me, anyway. I hung my wet clothes over some branches and went inside.

Pa was inside and as I stood there I heard him say "Damn". He looked away from me and acted real different as I pulled on my dry pants and shirt. After I was dressed, he said that he was going hunting and for me to stay put. He'd be back later. He took up the gun and left. I got busy doin' things. Pa had some stuff that needed cleaning and I set it aside. I removed some of the older bedding and got fresh. I restocked the kindling and firewood and then taking Pa's stuff, I headed for the stream. After washing his stuff, I threw it over some branches to dry. My clothes were dry and I folded them and put them inside. I refilled the water bucket and hunted up some greens.

I had been watching the sky and it was getting dark. Pa was still out and I was worried bout him. I set outside listening for him. Finally late in the night I heard a noise come towards the camp and I heard someone fall down. I went to the noise and it was Pa. I helped him up and he was hurt. His leg was tore open and I could tell he was hurt real bad. I got him to the camp and he leaned against the lean-to. I got a rag and some water and washed his leg. I had to cut the pants leg open and then cut some branches for a splint. It was bad. I fixed it up as good as I could. Pa fell asleep and I covered him and sat by him. I did start a fire to help keep off the chill and it was a good thing I did. Pa was hurting in the morning.

I heated some water and cleaned his wound again. Using some moss, I boiled it to make a poltice for his leg. I also cut up some left over meat and made a thin broth for him to drink. He didn't take much and began to cough. I kept him warm and checked his leg as often as I could. It was lookin bad and three days later, he had red streaks running up his leg. I was scared. Pa was crazy with fever and called out to Ma. I would see what he wanted and he would just smile and then drift back into his fevered sleep. He wasn't getting better and after a week, he died in his sleep. I was alone.

I knew I couldn't stay there so I looked over our possibles and decided what to take with me. I set the Oxen loose and used the rest of the wagon top to put my gear in. I rolled it up and tied the ends with rope. I slung it over my shoulder and got ready to set out for ..well, I guess Oregon. I'd figure it out. First though I set fire to the lean-to and watched as the flames rose into the sky. I cried briefly, maybe for myself or maybe for my family. I don't know.

I headed south keeping the mountains to my right. There was still some big hills, but I had no place to go and didn't want to be caught in the mountains if there was more bad weather. I just walked south. I figured I could walk about 18 to 25 miles a day, maybe more. Depending on the lay of the land. Like I said I had been walking for 1 or 2 months and had passed from the mountains to a more flat land. I headed west, keeping the sun to my back in the morning and front in the later part of the day. It was after a few days that I saw the dust cloud and changed directions again.

Left foot, right foot, repeat, left foot, right foot, repeat. I was tired of walking and had run out of water. I was hot and thirsty and though I saw water in the distance, I just couldn't get it. And the land had dried out, there weren't any plants and I was gonna die. I looked up towards heaven and told Mama that I'd be seeing her real soon and I fell down and just stayed there too tired and weak to get up. I woke up and it was dark. I don't know how long I was asleep, but the moon was full in the night sky. I didn't know whether to be happy that I was alive or sad. As I lay there decidin', I heard a noise behind me. I turned my head and saw a campfire. There was a person coming towards me. I lay still but the person just took a holt of my arm and yanked me to my feet, then force walked me to the fire. As I got into the light of the campfire, I could see that it was a Indian that got me. I thought I was gonna be kilt.

The Indian looked at my face and said somethin, then grabbing a knife from his belt, he cut my shirt down the front. As the cool night air hit my chest, I tried to cover myself with my arms. The movement tore me away from the Indian and I fell. The Indian looked at me and said a word I didn't understand. It sounded like "Uh-oh." I just shook me head in reply. Then the Indian grabbed my leg and I tried to kick him away, but he suceeded in grabbing my pants legs and holding them in the air, he skinned them off me. Now I didn't have no pants on and my shirt was cut. What next. The Indian looked at me then said another word that I didn't get. I just huddled in a ball waiting for the savage to kill me. Instead he went to the campfire and returned with a small carcass that had been roasted. He also held a animal skin bag. He offered these to me and I grabbed at the skin bag, hoping it was water. It was. I began to drink, but the Indian pulled the bag away from my mouth. I was gonna say something, when I started to spew up the contents of my stomach. The Indian watched and after a few minutes, he kicked dirt over my mess and handed me back the water skin. I drank slowly as he watched. Then he tore off a piece of the meat and I chewed and swallowed. It tasted great. I ain't et in several days.

The Indian helped me back to the campfire. He had laid out my possibles and that's where he put me. He dropped the water skin and half of the meat. He sat on his heels as he watched me eat. I knowd that I was almost nekid, but I hadn't et for several days and the water was good. I finished my meal and he smiled. He went and got my pants and put them near me. I pulled them on as he watched. He went to the other side of the fire and shook out a blanket and wrapping it around hisself, he leaned against a rock and closed his eyes. I didn't know what to think, so I just pulled my blanket around me and curled up to sleep.

The sun was in the shy when I woke up. The Indian had his horse ready to go and indicated that I should go with him. I rolled up my possibles and tied off the ends of the roll. I was gonna put it over my shoulder when he picked me up and put me on his horse, then put my roll in front of me. He hopped up behind me and off we went. He put my hands on the horses mane and helped me get steady. We rode for quite a spell. He went back the way I had walked and he found a spring with a small pond by it. He set me on the ground and hobbled his horse, then taking a bow and arrow, he went off. I was alone again. I fetched the water skin and emptied it out, then refilled it from the spring. I made sure to water his horse and then I went into the pond. It was not a big pond, but it felt good to be wet after being dry for so long. I washed my clothes and hung them over rocks to dry. I only had the one set of clothes so I sat next to a rock in the shade resting till my clothes got dry.

When the Indian got back he weren't alone. They was four more of them. They looked at me and kept back. I didn't know why. When the Indian that I was with saw my clothes on the rocks, he pulled them off and threw them to me. They was dry and I put them on. Then he handed me a brace of birds and his knife. I looked at them then picking up the knife, I moved aside and cleaned the birds and tore off the feathers. I cleaned them in water and saved the gizzards and livers. I cut some sticks and after sharpening the ends, I threaded them through the gizzard and livers. I got a bigger stick for the birds and found some wild sage that I rubbed on the birds. The Indians had a fire going and I put the meat to roast over the fire. When the liver looked done, I tasted it and then the Indian I was with, took the stick of it from me and ate it. He made a big smile and the other ones laughed at him. Soon the birds were roasted and they set to eating. Course, they made sure that I got some to eat. I didn't know what to think.

The next morning, I was again on the horse with the Indian. I had pointed to myself and said "Jesse". I think he got it cos he pointed to his chest and said "Ocumgache". I didn't know what it meant, but it was better than calling him Indian. We continued to ride in a westerly direction and actually made it to some rolling hills after two days. Then going up a small valley, we came to a camp. He got off the horse and set me down. A man that looked like an elder came up and they talked. My protector, Ocumgache, as I thought of him, untied the rope from my waist and let my shirt hang open. The Elder's eyes grew big as he looked at my chest, then turning he said some words to some women. Two older women and two young women me into a hut.

I didn't know what to expect. The women took my possessions and set them aside, then, pulling me by the arms, they took me to a stream and pushed me in. Of course I fell and several came in after me. They pulled my clothes off and set me down, then washed me all over. I musta turned red from barassment. They saw the large bumps on my chest and made some noise, but it was nothing like the noise they made when they saw what was a twixt my legs. That's when the old women chased the young ones away and one of the old ones got the Medicine man. He pulled me out of the water and looked at my nekid body then said somethin like "Uh-oh" and pointed at me. The old women smiled and then dried me off and gave me a shirt to put on. Cept it weren't no shirt, it was a dress.

They then put some mocasins on my feet and combed out my hair. They tied my hair back in a big plait and then placed the plait over my left shoulder. They took me back to see the elder. The medicine man was there and they was talking. The elder signaled two of the young women to stand beside me and the old women were at my back. The elder said some words and the medicine man tied a cord from both my wrist to the young women. When that was done, all the people in the village started shouting and yelling. The two women I was tied to just pulled me over to a small hut and pulled me inside. The old women came in to.

I was untied from the young women and pushed down on a soft fur. I was handed a bowl and they showed me to drink what was in it. It tasted bad, but I drunk it. Then I was stood up and the dress that they put on me was pulled off and again I was sitting on the soft fur. I was getting sleepy and they let me lay down. I was covered by another soft fur and as I watched, the two young women removed their dresses and got under the fur next to me. They got real close and I could feel their hands touching my chest and the bumps on my chest. It felt kinda good and they snuggled into my neck. Then I felt a hand on my boy thing and tried to move, but they held me tight. The hand on my boy thing was moving it up and down slowly. Then one of the young women pulled herself on top of me and taking her hand, she put my boy thing in a warm place between her legs. It felt good as she rocked back and forth. The movement caused my boy thing to go inside a warn wet place and it felt real good. In a few minutes I felt my boy thing go deep inside the young woman and she just grabbed me tight and continued to rock back and forth on top of me. She did this for a little while, then she threw off the fur and sat up on me. The old women said something and the young woman smiled and then let out an ear peircing scream. I thought I hurt her but she gabbed me and held me tight. As she was holding on to me, I felt something shoot out of my boy thing and I screamed too. The young woman hugged my neck and whispered something in my ear. I fell asleep.

I woke in the dark and felt someone near me. I moved my hands and I felt warm skin next to me. The warmth next to me stirred and a hand was placed on my belly.The hand moved down to my boy thing and again it was being moved up and down slowly. This lasted for a few moments, then the body next to me moved on top of me. Again, my boy thing was placed in a warm wet opening and as the body on top of me rocked back and forth, my boy thing went deeper into this tight wet place. I could feel the woman on top of me force herself down on my boy thing and I pushed against her trying to push my thing deep into her wet place. Suddenly she tensed and shouted out some words. Whatever she said didn't bother nobody and soon I was shouting too as I felt something shoot out of my boy thing. We settled down and the woman held me tight as I held her and went back to sleep. I made up my mind then to learn what was going on.

I had been in the village for a couple of months. I was taken to the Medicine Man's hut and he showed me things and talked to me a lot. He also gave me a bowl of a sour tasting drink every morning. I found out that this drink was made of plants called Soy and Red Clover. He made it for ther women of the village and I had to drink it too. After my morning drink, he would talk and have the women, both old and young, teach me the language and how to live in the village.

I learnt to make the soft aminal skin blankets and weave baskets. I took care of the young and played with the Indian children. I did the kind of work that the women did and did not complain. I also learnt to set traps and snares, better that I had done before. The first time I picked up a bow and arrow, some of the men laughed, but the Medicine Man said they was to let me learn. I did. I could use a bow pretty good and a spear. I remember Momma telling stories about olden times and men called knights. How they was real good at doing things on horse back. I betcha the'd not hold a candle to the Indians. They tought me about being a warrior and about hunting. I didn't go hunting with the men too often, but they accepted me and often brought me back things from their trips. I was treated special.

By now I found out that I was married to the two young women. They shared me and would sometimes fight over me, but we were real happy. They was treated special in the camp. I did notice that one of their bellys was getting bigger and in my poor grasp of their language I asked why. I was told I was gonna be a daddy. I was told that the women was gonna have a baby, my baby. She was real happy, too. The other one was sad and she kept putting my boy thing in her warm wet place. That was fun, too! My wife wasn't the only one to change. My chest kept on growing and I was getting big. My wifes liked that and rubbed my chest in the nights. I rubbed theirs, too. We were all learning together. When My wife was aout 7 months pregnant, one of the women brought a baby to our hut. My wifes took turns having the baby suck from their breast. The women also insisted that I take a turn. With a lot of hesitation, I did. The baby's lips held on to my nipples and I felt like the world turned upside down. The women smiled and laughed at my good fortune and every day the baby was bought to me. It took some time, but the baby finally got milk from me. I was suprised and the women shouted out loud. The Medicine Man was happy too. The people seemed to treat me differently, not like an Indian girl or like an Indian boy, but something special. I was now included in other things in the village. Also when I took a bath, it seemed that all the young females wanted to bathe with me. My two wifes were treated well and the two old women that were in charge of me had to cuff a few of the younger women to get them to behave.

When my wife gave birth, I was there and received the baby from the old women. I wrapped the baby in a blanket and instead of handing my baby back to his moma, I unfastened my shirt and held him to my breast. He took my breast into his little mouth and just sucked away. It was great. That started a new part of my life with the Indians. I was a part time mother to my son. My wifes and I took care of him and watched as he grew. When he was about 7 months old, my second wife said she was heavy with child and we were all happy. Our lives settled into a routine.

I had been in the village for about a year when I was asked to see the Medicine Man and the Elders. They said that they was going to a Gathering of Elders and Spirit Guides and I was to go with them. We would be leaving in the morning and the travel would take about 4 days. Some warriors were to go with us to help protect the Medicine Man and me. I was given a new shirt, skirt and leggins for the trip as well as a new ceremonial dress to wear at the Gathering. I was excited to go. I had only been on short horse back rides since coming to the village and always with a warrior either on the horse with me or nearby. I was still a little kid at heart, even though I looked like an Indian girl.

The gathering was different. I didn't know what to think. I was always accompanied by a warrior and deferred to by most of the people. I was asked to sit in on councils and I sat but did not offer any comment, cept at night when I talked with the Medicine Man or Elders. They seemed to put stock in my comments and I appreciated it. The warriors that were in our group had to stay close to me. I was a thing of legend among the Indians and everyone wanted to see me. They would challenge me to silly games, just to get a peek at my chest or up my skirt. There was some older women at the gathering and they followed me around too. They shooed away the younger warriors and we talked about life in the villages, helped take care of our men and told stories. They was curious about me too and each wanted firsthand knowledge of what I was. They used a word I had not heard before saying I was a 'Berdache', kind of half man and half woman. Well that seemed to explain it. Still I had to show them and when they saw the truth, the all smiled at each other's good fortune. It seemed that I was special cos I was both man and woman. I could hunt and ride like a man or take care of woman things. I was the equal of everyone in the village or Indian nation. I had big medicine and was good fortune for my village. I could also be big trouble. I was to find this out later. The gathering lasted five days and then we set off back to the village. Our little caravan was loaded down with gifts as we traveled home. This slowed our return as it took two extra days.

I don't know if it was a good thing that our return was slow or a bad thing. The first thing we saw as we neared the village was smoke in the air. We sent a warrior ahead and when he got back, he said that the village had been attacked. We hurried our ponies along to get to the village faster. The warrior was right. The village had been atacked and the huts burnt. We set about sorting thru things as some of the warriors scouted around. The warriors did find some children and a few old people in the hills hiding and one of my wifes, too. There was a lot of crying that night and in the morning, the elder called for a council. It was decided that we would move the village to a new location and that a war party would track the attackers. The war party was to rescue any one they could but not to if they weren't safe. They set out the next day and those of us left started to clean out the huts and combine all the remaining supplies and stuff. Horses were packed and after two days we set out for our new homesite. It was sad. The village was the best home I had had and now it was gone. Did tragedy follow me. My white family had died of the sickness and now this village had been attacked and burned. Of the approximate 130 people of the village, about 47 of us set out for a new site. Still we had hope.

We traveled stoping only to allow the people to stay in a group. Warriors were.....

This is where the narrative ran out. Archeologist continued looking for additional skins, but none were found. No other find in the Geographical area could corroborate the partial story contained. It was conjectured that it was possible that the skin was a hoax. Further 'Digs' in the area are not planned as of this date leaving one to form one's own opinion.

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Comments

Intriguing

and, to the best of my knowledge, historically accurate.

I love the 'fragment of the story' idea.

Susie

Pretty story :)

Nice :)I guess that means I'm Berdache?