Backing into Life

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Tuesday, January 28, 2020
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Barbie Lee

“Joe, would you hand me the nine sixteenths box end?" Came the request from under the ATV.

“Let me find it. I found it. Here daddy, by your right leg." I tapped him on the leg with the wrench.

An arm came out from under the ATV with the palm open faced up. I laid the wrench in his hand.

“The whole thing is turning. Need another nine sixteenths.”

“Just a sec.” Pulling a stool over to the tool cabinet I started digging for another wrench. “Got it." Dropping down off the stool, I walked back over beside the ATV and tapped daddy on his right leg. His hand came out and the wrench disappeared back under the ATV.

The door leading from the garage to the kitchen opened. Mom stood there for a second watching Joe and Jim work on the four wheeler. She smiled as she slowly shook her head. Her six year old probably knew more about mechanics than Jim did. To some people it came naturally and Joe was one of those who took to it like a duck to water. But then, everything Jo did seemed to come naturally.

“If you can spare Jo I need someone peeling potatoes. That is if you want dinner in a half hour.” Lori called out to her two mechanics.

“Okay, I got it lose now. All I need to do is drop the drive shaft down and get Gabe to replace the U joints.”

Joe headed toward Lori and stood there for a hug without hugging her back. "Don’t want to leave greasy hand prints on your dress.”

“That never stopped your daddy.” Turning loose of Jo she backed up into the house.

“Your fault, you didn’t raise him right." Joe was following Lori into the house to wash hands and peel potatoes.

“Isn’t my fault. I didn’t get him early enough to train him right. Judy was the one slacking in that department"

“mmmmm, I’m gonna tell Grams you called her a slacker.” Joe sprinted for the bathroom before finishing the sentence. It was what was coming, as Lori swatted and missed.

“Joey, you’re up at bat next. I’m asking Billy to bunt toward the third baseman. He’s hanging back looking for a foul. Billy will get on first. You bring him home, we win the ballgame.” Donald Shones knew Joey would slam that ball out of the ballpark if he got a decent ball over the plate. The other team, the Brown Tigers had a great pitcher. As good as Mike was, Joey was better. Donald was counting on Mike hurling his curving fast ball. That particular pitch usually faked out the best batters. It would look like a ball as it left Mike's hand. Then it would curve back in across the plate.

It was sheer luck their team, the Trojans had managed to stay only two behind in the bottom of the ninth. The betting odds had the Brown Tigers beating the Trojans seven to one. It was illegal to bet on high school games. It was also illegal to speed along with hundreds of other illegal things. People did what they wanted to anyway as long as they didn’t get caught.

Knowing Billy couldn’t hit a fastball eighty seven percent of the time, Mike let his fastball rip. Straight in no curve, the ball was clocked at eighty nine. Billy swung his right leg out across the plate as soon as Mike’s hand started coming forward. Mike realized what Billy was going to do as the ball left his fingertips but it was too late to change the pitch. Billy put his body over the plate, the bat held horizontally in both hands and bunted. The ball was bouncing toward third just inside the diamond.

The third baseman was good. Cade was closing as soon as Billy changed his stance. The Trojan player Rich had left third at the same time headed for the home plate. Cade caught the ball on a bounce, still at a full run he let the ball fly toward home. As the ball whizzed by him Dale stopped. The catcher was caught in a dilemma he never faced before. If he threw to first to get the runner out the player between him and third would make it to home plate. He held the ball as Cade closed in behind Dale. Dale knew he was caught but this way it was only one out not two if the catcher had tagged him out and then sent the ball to first to tag out Billy. The Trojans still had a chance with Joe coming up to bat.

The Trojans had a runner on first and second. The only thing the Brown Tigers had to do was make sure no runner made it to the home plate. Which is what it looked like would be what would happen at the moment. The top player on each team now faced each other. Mike watched his coach call for a ball. He was going to pull Joey into swinging and a strike. Mike threw his famous fastball curve thinking Joey would believe it was going to curve back over the plate. The ball was outside the plate by an inch or two and Joey didn’t swing. The coach called for another ball. Surely Joey would be counting on Mike to put it over the plate. If possible the ball was even closer to the plate without going over it and still Joey didn’t swing. The coach signaled Mike to strike Joey out. Mike grinned from ear to ear. This was what he lived for. The first ball would be inside corner. Too close for Joey to swing and get a hit on it. Mike let lose with his famous fastball curve just as Joey took a step back. The Brown Tiger's coach and Mike both stared in disbelief as Joey swung and his bat connected on the sweet spot. The ball went up and up and up and it was gone. Every one heard glass breaking somewhere out in the parking lot.

It was Joe’s junior year. At five eleven he was a tall willowy boy. He had muscle but it wasn't bulk. Everyone else on the football team outweighed him by fifty pounds or more. As the Trojan’s quarterback he could still out throw Eddie Wang their senior. He was also a lot more accurate with his balls. The receiver and the ball seemed to magically find each other when Joey was quarterback. Thus coach Neal Burrows, a big six foot four hunk of solid muscle, used Eddie only if the team was playing a really weak team or the Trojans were far ahead. He would pull Joey to keep him from getting banged up any more than he already was.

“Joey, are you gay?” Billy was staring at Joey in science class.

“No, why?” Joey turned to give Billy his full attention.

“Since school started this year you seem to be dressing more…," Billy wasn't sure how to phrase the question to his friend.

“Okay Billy, spill it."

“uh, kids are starting to talk. That shirt you are wearing looks like one the girls would wear." Billy was sure it was a shirt for girls. A lot of the clothes Joey had been wearing looked more like they belonged to a girl rather than a boy.

Joey kinda smirked. “It's a shirt, Billy. Are you saying boys can’t wear shirts any longer because girls wear shirts?”

“No, I mean that isn’t what I mean. Awe man, Joey, if David was wearing it maybe it would be a shirt.” Billy was trying his best to explain.

“I guess if David was wearing it, most certainly it would be a shirt. Even if it wasn’t no one would dare say any different. Are you now claiming there are shirts for one kind of boy but not for the other?” Joey looked like he was going to laugh.

“You're putting words in my mouth. David would cream anyone who said he was wearing girl’s clothes." Soon as he said it Billy looked away too ashamed to look at his friend. That wasn’t exactly what he meant to say even though he was thinking it.

“Do you think the clothes I am wearing make me a girl?” Joey was wondering what kind of answer he would get from Billy. He decided since he had got this far he would push on. “The clothes you’re wearing turned you into a boy? What were you before you put on those clothes this morning?"

Billy didn’t get a chance to answer as Mr. Franklin came into the classroom as the bell rang. Immediately he started handing out test sheets. “Books in your backpack or on the floor under your seat. Cell phones and calculators off. This is to test how much you have learned so far, not how good you are at cheating or looking up answers on the web. When you get out into the real world you will need to know where to start looking for answers even if you become a research scientist. Prove to me I'm teaching geniuses in this advanced class. Everyone of you are enrolled because you showed exceptional talent and grades for the past two years. Now, show me. Begin.” He handed out the last sheet and walked back to his desk to wait out the hour. Provided one of his students wasn’t having a bad day, he knew everyone of them would probably ace the test. It was the same test he gave his average students. He wasn’t that proud of what the average kids turned in for test scores.

It was Friday Night Lights as everyone named it and Eddie Wang wasn’t a happy camper. Joey had taken the spotlight off him from the college scouts. He could still count on a sports scholarship but if he wasn’t playing the perks weren’t there. Joey was ahead of his game tonight giving the Eagles a shellacking. Eagles were the favorite to win this game. The half wasn’t even over and they were behind twenty one to nothng. Joey had marched the Trojans down the field for three touchdowns in two quarters. The Trojan defense had felt the spirit and held the Eagles from getting close enough to even kick a field goal.

In the Trojan locker room at half time everyone was pumped full of adrenalin. The team doctor was looking over two players who had got roughed up. Even they were grinning ear to ear. The whole team was proving the bookies picked the wrong school to win this game. And it felt good.

Coach Neal Burrows called for quiet. He knew they might get to thinking this game was in the bag and slack off the second half. He had to bring the team back down to earth. “Listen up men. The Eagles have a good team. I know we are ahead right now. If you get to laying back thinking you don’t have to play just as hard the second half as you did the first, you’re wrong. They are good, damn good. They weren’t picked to win this game thirty one to six because they can’t play. Tonight you guys have proved you can play better. I want all of you to give that extra push the same as you did the first half when we return to the field. I know you can do it, you proved that already."

Eddie knew this was his chance. As the quarterback when the team won the game, the scouts would credit him with bringing it off “Put me in, Coach. I’ll keep the team charged up. I won’t let them slack off."

Coach Burrows shook his head. “The Eagles are too good for us to have any missteps. Joey stays in as quarterback. This isn’t up for debate.”

“bastard” Eddie whispered.

Several of the players close to him heard it. They weren’t pleased. Eddie was full of himself and made mistakes trying to make his own plays instead of working as a team player. Joey was the best quarterback this school ever had. Everyone felt they would make Class Three A in the finals with him. Joey never said more than thanks when the Coach and the team bragged on him. He always claimed it was the team who won the games. When reporters asked to interview him he started naming the players who made exceptional moves in the game. Then he would start talking about why it was a great play each player made as he named them. He bragged about how good the offense and the defense was. Joey wasn’t only the school hero, he was a hero to the team too.

Eddie was furious. Joey, Joey, Joey, every thing was about Joey. Eddie was the last one out of the locker room to begin the second half, he spit on Joey’s locker as he walked by it. The team ran out ready to play. Eddie walked out. His actions didn’t go unnoticed by the coaches. Eddie's attitude could drag the team down. One bad apple applied to teams as well as it did to a barrel of apples. Coach Burrows decided at that moment Eddie was no longer needed on the team. Jerry Hartshore was only a sophomore but he was already a better quarterback than Eddie. The only reason he hadn't released Eddie from the team was he was a senior and looking at a scholarship. Scholarship or not, Eddie had gone too far tonight. At that moment Eddie was no longer on the team. He would be told Monday when they reviewed the film from the game.

After the game several of the high schoolers headed to The Hangout, a local fast food watering hole. “Great game,” Janice and three other cheerleaders walked by the table where Joey and seven members of the football team were discussing what each thought of the game.

Everyone looked at Joey. A hint of a smile touched his lips along with a slight blush of embarrassment. “Everyone pulled together tonight. Ron did a heck of a block on Jason as Kyle jumped up and pulled in my pass which was too far over his head to be caught. Roger’s tackle on their quarterback Nicolas, set them back fifteen yards and pushed them back out of field goal range.”

The boys all smiled as the cheerleaders giggled. Joey didn’t fool any of them with his praise of the team’s efforts. The thirty one to six win over the Eagles was the upset game of the season. The game was being picked apart by the armchair coaches as the top discussion on every radio and TV station that night.

Chairs were moved as the boys made room for the girls at the table. Each one of the exceptionally pretty girls felt they had struck gold when they were invited to join the boys. The boys knew they had. It wasn’t the idea many of the cheerleaders had steady boyfriends. It was an intangible thing adults understood and teenagers were learning. No matter what, boys liked girls and girls liked boys and it was nice to share time.

Monday morning the you know what hit the blender in the gym as the team gathered to discuss Friday’s win over the Tigers. Coach Burrows pulled Eddie into his office. He was going to do this as quietly as possible to not embarrass the boy. “Eddie, your attitude doesn’t work with this team. And that is the problem. We function as a team. Every player is a key component in every game. You want this to be about you. You don’t have the understanding of what it takes to be part of a team. You’re no longer on the team. Clean out your locker when class is over.”

Eddie looked surprised. The coach wasn’t serious. The team needed him to win games. “Coach, I’m a team player. You don’t understand. If you don’t allow me to play of course I can’t prove to everyone I can bring the right plays to win games."

Burrows shook his head. Eddie still didn’t get it. In Eddie’s mind he was the star, the coach, the core of the football team. “Eddie, this isn't a debate. Like any other class, when you fail, you don’t pass. The test in this class are you a team player? It's a black and white answer. You're off the team because you never were on it. You think everyone is out there to provide you a supporting cast so you can show off to all the world how hot you are. This isn’t the movies, you aren't the leading actor like you think you are.”

Eddie’s face contorted into a look of pure hatred. "Fuck you, Coach. Fuck the team. Fuck this school. I’ll transfer over to West End Boxers and lead their football team to the championship. I don’t need this school, you needed me. Well, you fucked up. I'm transferring."

He spun on his heel and walked out, pulling the door closed with such force the racket made everyone turn to look. Eddie picked up one of the footballs lying on the floor and hurled it at the door. Burrows could see it coming but there was no way to stop it as it hit the glass and shattered it, scattering pieces of glass across the office. Eddie wasn’t through as he headed for the object of his hatred. Closing in on Joey he took a swing at his face.

Joey had been watching as Eddie stormed out of the office and then threw the football at the glass. He wasn’t caught unaware as Eddie swung a fist at him. He had been playing sports since grade school. His reflexes were honed to the point it was automatic as he leaned back from Eddie’s fist. Because he was walking away from the office, Eddie’s hadn't noticed Coach Burrows had stormed out chasing him down after he threw the football. Two strong arms wrapped Eddie up and lifted him off the floor.

“Eddie, that's enough. You and I are taking a walk down to the principle's office. Tomorrow if you decide to come back and clean out your lockers, you better call ahead. Security will give you an escort. After your little exhibition, I’m positive Blake will be happy to entertain you while you take care of the problem gathering all your things before you are expelled from this school." Burrows released his bear hold on Eddie, wrapped up his left arm in his right hand and was dragging him toward the gym door.

Most of the players felt the same way about Eddie. He was an egotistical bastard never giving anyone else credit for the exceptional effort any of them put out in moving the ball downfield or making a great tackle. He was always bragging it was him. Even so, this little display of pure hatred shocked even those who felt that way.

“All right guys. So much for the distraction this morning. Brad, what made you decide to NOT block Hershel? That kid darn near creamed me as he came across from the right hand corner.” Joey was pulling the team back into focusing on the plays they made Friday night.

Brad looked down at the floor before looking up and smiling at Joey. “Hershel isn't that fast. I knew you were faster. Paul needed his guard pulled off of him if he was going to get downfield far enough to get us a first down. Provided you passed to him that is. I didn’t block the kid, that would have been illegal. I only ran in front of him causing him to fall too far behind Paul to get in his face if you tossed him the ball.”

Joey glared at Brad before a smile broke out across his face. “Lucky for you it worked and Hershel didn’t pound me into the turf. Paul, that was a great catch, by the way. Your fifty one yard touch down run on the third play of the game took the wind out of the Eagles. They weren’t as good as their fat heads and the bookies told them they were.”

Everyone of the players voiced their agreement. Joey had brought their focus back onto the game. Eddie’s temper tantrum was forgotten.

============*

Tuesday, Joey came to school wearing a coral shirt, some of the girls knew it was dark pink and it was a blouse. They had seen it at the LaPier, an upscale fashion store…, for women.

Billy was staring at Joey when they both took a seat in Mr. Franklin’s class. “Joey, that’s a girl’s shirt. Are you sure you aren’t gay?”

Joey curled up the corner of his mouth and looked up the ceiling. “Hummm, let me think.” He turned his head to look at Billy. “No, I don’t feel gay, pleased, maybe. Happy? Um possible but not that happy. I guess I’m not gay if I’m not happy, so nope, not gay.”

Billy was exasperated. “You know what I mean. And what is going on with you letting your hair grow out this summer? Jeeze Joey, I’m surprised the principle lets you get away with it that long. Coach Burrows is probably having kittens. If you weren’t their ticket to the playoff I bet he would drag you down to the barber himself or eject you from the team.”

Reaching up with his right hand Joey brushed his hair away from his face and pushed it back over his shoulder. It was long enough to reach his shoulder blades.

Billy shook his head. Joey had the prettiest head of hair among all the kids. A reddish auburn it glistened like it had been washed and then each strand polished. Billy could almost understand why Joey let it grow out when it was that beautiful. But that was a problem in of itself. It was beautiful and Joey was looking more like a girl every couple of weeks. If he hadn’t known Joey since the second grade…, watching from behind as Joey walked down the halls, Billy would swear he was looking at a girl. Which got Billy to thinking even more about Joey. He didn’t have a masculine trait, not one. Growing up with Joey, Billy never realized Joey didn’t look like other boys in the face or his body. His features were too delicate…!

Billy had fallen down the Rabbit Hole as it came to him. NO it wasn’t possible…, Was it? Joey? His dad always called him Joey. His mother always called him Joe…? Or was that Jo? NO! It wasn’t possible! He was over thinking the possibilities.

Swallowing hard, Billy reached over and tugged on Joey’s sleeve. “Jo?”

“No I’m not gay.” Joey turned his attention to Billy as Mr. Franklin walked into the room.

The science class was the last thing on Billy’s mind. His analytical mind was running all the possibilities of Joey being what he suspected. The problem as it turned out, it was possible. But why? If Joey was really Jo why didn’t he act like one? And that idea made everything worse. Joey did act like a girl at times. Billy had been there when Joey was cooking supper for the family, when Joey was cleaning the carpet, washing dishes, washing clothes and folding them. At the time Billy never thought it strange. Just Joey doing things for his mother. Unless he had his head stuck under the hood or laying under one of the vehicles helping his dad.

Billy put his head down on his desk and moaned. Joey didn’t fit the typical boy image. Trouble is he didn’t fit the typical girl image either. But if one had never seen him before…, almost all the sales people or strangers called Joey ma’am when they first talked to him. Ooohhh it was too much, it was impossible. Surely…, OH CRAP! When Billy had been in Joey’s bedroom and asked about the dolls he had on top his bookcase, Joey had replied they were collectors dolls. Collectors! Right! And Jo was the collector. Joey’s bedroom wasn’t a typical boy’s bedroom but it wasn’t like any girl’s bedroom he had been in either. Joey or Jo, either one would fit into the bedroom and it all depended on what sex one considered Joey or Jo to be when they looked.

Billy couldn’t believe he was so blind he hadn’t ever seen it before now. His buddy was a girl! Did the coaches know? How about the principle? Surely the teachers? Possibly not the teachers there was no need to know there. How did Jo get by in the locker rooms? Bathrooms? He had never seen Joey in the boy’s bathrooms? Nor the girl’s for that matter. How blind can a person be? What was now obvious wasn’t that obvious if one isn’t looking for it? What was the saying, hiding in plain sight. That hour while Billy stared at his friend, the mental picture of Joey being an effeminate boy slowly morphed into Jo being the prettiest girl in their school despite not wearing any makeup. It was so obvious. How could he have ever not seen it before now? Billy decided he knew the concept of brainwashing better than anyone else at that moment.

When the class ended, Billy was immediately besides Joey’s desk. “Wait just one minute mister. You and I are gong to have a talk.”

“Can’t we talk while we go to our lockers and get our books for the next class?” Joey looked from Billy toward the door as the last kid walked out behind Mr. Franklin.

“No, here and now.” Billy decided to go for the jugular and god help him if he was wrong. “The Homecoming Dance is coming up in a month. I’m asking you to go to the dance with me. Provided non of the other guys have asked you and you already have a date.”

A slow hint of amusement spread across Joey’s face as his eyes sparkled. “I didn’t know you dated boys. When did this start?”

“I don’t date boys. I only date girls. So…, is it a date?”

Joey shook his head. “What makes you think I date boys? I kinda like girls.”

Billy knew without a smidgen of doubt he was right. “I kinda like boys but I don’t date them. You said you weren’t gay. That means you aren’t lesbian which is the same thing. WHICH means if you do date, it’s boys.”

“Okay, only if you can keep the secret until the dance. Otherwise no.”

“YES!” Billy screamed as he fist pumped the air. His buddy was a girl! He was going to keep the secret until the dance even if it killed him. Wait until he walked into that dance with the prettiest girl in the school on his arm and they all realized what he had figured out. Joey was Jo.

===============*

Jim coughed and choked when Lori told him the cost of the gown. The price was forgotten the moment Jo came down the stairs wearing it that evening. His heart and his love for both women in his life soared to the highest heights as he stared at his daughter. He got a mischievous thought. If Lori could turn out daughters this beautiful, maybe they should have tried for a dozen more. He was so proud of Lori and Jo, for they truly were the most blessed treasure of his life. He was so in love. He walked over, took Lori in his arms and gave her a passionate kiss.

Of course she returned the embrace with full passion. Lori looked kind of amused when Jim released her. "What was that for?"

“No man should be as blessed as I am. I don't deserve you. I love you and Jo so much words don’t suffice. I love you Lori, I love Jo.”

The Homecoming Dance was one all of those who were there would remember the rest of their lives. The best quarterback the school ever had swept into the gym in a light blue, chiffon, elegant gown, body hugging bodice, with swirls of beads. The amount of breasts and cleavage the beautiful senior was showing almost gave the Superintendent a heart attack. The school had dress codes but no one had given this problem any consideration. Her long, natural, reddish auburn hair lay across her bare shoulders and down her back in soft easy waves. The girl…, young lady was as elegant and as beautiful as any Disney Princess.

Jo didn’t start wearing skirts, dresses everyday after that night. Like every other senior girl, some days might catch her in jeans. What was added each day was impeccable makeup enhancing her natural beauty even more if possible. She was the boy, girl everyone in her school would remember forever.