Many times, I post about other people's reactions to me because I'm hoping others will find their own life knowing someone else has been down that same road they are traveling or hope to. Be yourself, this applies to guys as well as it does to the ladies. Unless one is trying for a lifetime as an actress or actor, there is a real person looking back at what one sees in the mirror. To be honest I was a great actor with breaks now and then for myself. My family, my wife, almost all my friends have passed on. I'm now living as myself without any acting. A week ago last Wed I was at the VA and I strongly suspect a lot of those people waiting to see their doctor heard the receptionist as she checked me in verbally. I was sent in almost immediately to see my endocrinologists, when I came back to check out I could hear several of them telling the one they were with, "There's Barbie". I wasn't the only one who thought it was nice. The receptionist was talking to the room not me when I went to check out. "Barbie, did the doctor mention she wants you back again?"
The black slim skirt, white blouse along with a white ponytail, Diamond earrings and necklace probably helped push the idea. It's human nature to have more interest in something or someone who is in the media spotlight at the moment. No, I'm not Mattel's Barbie but that Barbie movie, good or bad is on a lot of minds. I smile at all the jokes people make or when they ask me how I liked doing the movie. There is no way I could imitate her but..., people being human and all. Mattel isn't the original owner of the name Barbie. It started in Germany almost six hundred years earlier as far as my research and history could track the name.
Thursday I was checking out at Walmart with a gallon of milk and loaf of bread. The man behind me said to the cashier, "I'm paying for hers." I thanked him and refused as he tried to insist. Nice gesture but not happening. I gave him a hug and told him how much I appreciated the thought. The guy was HUGE besides being tall, around six six he was big, not fat but big. I didn't even come up to his chest. My personal-business cards don't have my address only my telephone number and occupation and it isn't farming or ranching. He looked at it, smiled and, "Ma'am I wish you had let me pay." I gave him another hug and left thinking there are still nice people in this world. I was wearing a denim skirt and a black shell, dream catcher earrings and my hair was in a ponytail. Ladies I am some what of a rarity in this part of the world. Less than one in every three hundred or more wear a skirt or dress. Females, young and old are wearing pants now. Remember I live in one of the fly over states. I'm not sure how the east and west coast states are.
One of the ladies in Walmart always compliments me when she sees me and then makes a comment or two about "Walmart Customers". I laugh and joke with her and mention I've seen some of the videos of Walmart Customers. I'd like to wear my bikini top into Walmart to prove a point. Alas, never happen, don't need to show that much skin to prove I'm a female but the devilish thought keeps teasing me. A mid thigh mini skirt and shell is as far as I will push the female envelope. Want to see more, catch me in the yard or in the garden. I'm too damn old to be flaunting it. Age has it's limits.
What I want everyone to take away from this is to be themselves. If I can do it, anyone can. A person must accept themselves before others will. Fear and self doubt is projected and others can read it even when they don't know they are. Confidence, acceptance, and yes pride in what one is also projects. When you step out into that big world, even with friends, you are still an individual, uniquely you and one of a kind. If you aren't sure and even if you are, take precautions be extra aware of people and events around you if you are a female or only presenting as one. I'd never forgive myself if one of you thought, 'if Barb can do it so can I' and things went belly up. I hope to encourage you to be yourself not get you killed. Travel in pairs if possible. If one does the club scene never leave without the one you came with. In the parking lot make sure no one is headed to your car the same time you are. Others watch me but that is different, I'm an Okie..
I'm a real person not a figment of some writer's imagination. I've met some of the writers on this channel, maybe they will agree I'm real. I understand living vicariously through the stories one reads or writes and there is absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes it's all life and circumstances will allow. Enjoy that as much as one possibly can. I've visited and conversed with some of the most famous and infamous beautiful women all over the world. Many of them moved in very high places in various governments. Some were 'oh my god, beyond beautiful'. Others were the women we meet everyday. Most were willing to share bits and pieces of their lives. Others wished to remain incognito, they had found peace and happiness and paid their dues to be the women they were. Some who shared their life were murdered, some committed suicide, and many have passed on to a higher life. The drugs and hormones we were pumping into our bodies at that time was pure guess work at what helped and what sent us to an early grave. A heads up ladies, modern medicine is still mostly guess. Not a single drug or hormone has been approved for transgender by the FDA. They are still mostly wrong.
Please, all of you who have something to share, good or bad, please do so. There are those following us just as we followed those ahead of us. It's a brutal learning curve for most. If my memory still serves me, there is a girl on here who is an entertainer and nightclub performer. I'm positive others have been out and had pleasant and unpleasant experiences. Please share. Believe it or not BCTS reaches a world wide audience. maybe not many. The girls are out there learning and too many are learning on their own without guidance. You'll never know when something you shared, something you said, will help or possibly save a life.
Hugs People, I pray you find that which you seek, a life that should be yours but was denied for one reason or another. Have fun and enjoy as much as possible your ride though this life. Good or bad it isn't going to last forever. Deal with the hand God gave you.
'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can change; and wisdom to know the difference.' Serenity Prayer
Barbie Jean
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Comments
Thanks for sharing this
I grew up in Pioneer Woman country but am now living one or two states to the west (depends on which route you drive).
I’m getting a late start but am now one year into transition and things are going very well. One big helper is that we have a very good transgender resource center that provides a variety of support including counseling. They also have a very supportive group for transgender women. I’ve made some wonderful friends through that group.
There is also.a broader queer community that includes many trans-masculine members as well as others. They sponsor several activities each year. And of course it really helps that our laws are supportive, not hostile.
I’m heading out on a second trip to Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas this year. I can travel en femme and most hotels/motels really don’t care. But I’ll have to go undercover for much of it because I’ll be attending a high school reunion with lots of people I haven’t come out to.
Fortunately, on the previous trip I came out to both my brothers and a long time friend who lives back there and they were all OK with it. I’ll even be staying with one brother.
I plan to listen and chat but not really come out to anyone.
But I have a few friends that I’m pretty sure would be OK when the time comes.
Looking forward to Killers of the Flower Moon, which was filmed in my home town.
Gillian Cairns
Thanks for sharing this
I grew up in Pioneer Woman country but am now living one or two states to the west (depends on which route you drive).
I’m getting a late start but am now one year into transition and things are going very well. One big helper is that we have a very good transgender resource center that provides a variety of support including counseling. They also have a very supportive group for transgender women. I’ve made some wonderful friends through that group.
There is also.a broader queer community that includes many trans-masculine members as well as others. They sponsor several activities each year. And of course it really helps that our laws are supportive, not hostile.
I’m heading out on a second trip to Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas this year. I can travel en femme and most hotels/motels really don’t care. But I’ll have to go undercover for much of it because I’ll be attending a high school reunion with lots of people I haven’t come out to.
Fortunately, on the previous trip I came out to both my brothers and a long time friend who lives back there and they were all OK with it. I’ll even be staying with one brother.
I plan to listen and chat but not really come out to anyone.
But I have a few friends that I’m pretty sure would be OK when the time comes.
Looking forward to Killers of the Flower Moon, which was filmed in my home town.
Gillian Cairns
Thank You for Sharing
I know it's a decision many don't want to make. We made that trip and would like to just enjoy being us. In a sense Gillian, we are path finders forging ahead showing others it's possible to live the life one's mind is telling them they are. I know Oklahoma is a screwed up state as far as being fair to transgender. Under Okla. law no medical support may be given to trans. Those who have been receiving support are to be taken off of it by the end of the year. I pray your life works out for you. It won't be all sunshine and roses but certainly a whole lot easier if we aren't fighting with the internal drive, we were switched at birth. (lame joke).
Hugs Gillian, if you're coming by holler at me. I'll buy you lunch. If you travel I-40 I can tell you now you'll be within a hundred yards of me.
Barb
Life is a gift meant to be lived, not worn until it's worn out.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
The wisdom to know the difference
That's the part I had the most trouble with.
Many of my personal experiences have been posted in my blog at one time or another.
But you hit the nail on the head when you said:
and
The secret to passing is not to pass, but to be the person who belongs where ever you are and to be doing what ever you are doing. If you look around to see who's noticing, you project an "I don't belong here," vibe.
This is something I had to learn when my outings got long enough to demand a restroom break. Wearing a dress, or very feminine pants and top, there was no way I was going into the men's room. While there are places that have "family restrooms" not every place does. I had to pluck up my courage and don the cloak of confidence and stand in line for the cubical in the women's room at the mall.
The woman ahead of me had her two daughters (one an older tween and the other a younger teen). Each of the girls took stalls and that left only the woman ahead of me before my turn. When her first daughter came out of the stall, she nearly shook my confidence when she turned and talked to me.
"You go ahead, I'm just waiting for my daughter."
I smiled and nodded and took the open stall. She had been absolutely pleasant about it and gave no indication that she thought I didn't belong there. That was six or seven years ago. These days, I just waltz right in and use the facilities just like I belonged there, because I surely don't belong in the men's room.
And the second part.
"I grew up with 'male privilege' allowing me to not pay attention to anything around me. I didn't feel that there was any need to be cautious, after all, I was a man, nobody would mess with me because they could see I was a man.
Well these days, I avoid going places after dark and if I must, I park as near to where I'm going as I can and under a street lamp. I walk briskly in and out. As I approach my car I look around it to see if anyone is near by. Even though my car has power locks I never leave the car without double checking that all doors are locked even in the daylight. And a quick glance in the back as I approach the drivers door to assure myself that no one has figured out how to get in and wait to accost me.
Remember ladies, when were don feminine garments, we are ladies and smart ladies don't take chances on what could happen to them when out and about.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
Thanks Patty
You seem to always be ready to share life experiences. I know many of the girls appreciate it even if they don't answer. Some don't know what to say, others are still too deep in the closet, and others wish to remain stealth. It's hard for them to leave behind all the abuse, verbal and possibly physical they endured for years. Their facade as male instead of showing any signs of female served to protect them and it's ingrained.
I can relate to the ladies having second thoughts about being themself instead of what others demand they be. I believe everyone of us has heard several stories of the girls getting pulled over. The lucky ones get a friendly policeman. Not a single bit of ID to prove one is not the person on the Driver's license except the psychiatrist letter. A thousand excuses goes through one's mind when passing a police car. What do I tell them if they pull me over?
The bathroom problem is one too many have, so many states have passed a law one can only be in the bathroom of the gender stated on one's birth certificate. I'm not belittling the problem but I think the potential has a funny downside. Not one single piece of legal ID in my purse shows Dr. Shadid put M on my birth certificate. Unless the police have a hotline to Oklahoma Records, it's going to be a real interesting hustle. I've been in the men's when fully dressed out. Not a problem, keep your wits. Most guys are stunned a woman would walk into their bathroom. I'm a contractor, I've been in and out of both men and women's bathrooms since the beginning of time. Some even when they are occupied.
For those of you who are still struggling with state records, unless you intend to go into gov security or some high level Black Ops, there is a way around those bigots in state government. Court order for name and gender change, then get a new passport with name and gender. Now you can change SS, driver's license, and all other official records. Taxes, vehicle titles, and insurance along with a thousand other pieces of paper one never thought of until now has to be changed also. No one said it would be easy but it's doable if you are determined enough.
Hugs Patty, thanks for sharing. I decided to make this a story instead of a blog. Blogs move on too fast and basically are unsearchable except for scrolling back through them
Barb
We get one chance, one pass through this life, make it count, stay safe. We all have regrets. Try and keep them small ones.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
TG Support Group
Made a special effort to drop back in on a TG Group I kinda "belong" to yesterday. The difference between visiting with my own kind of people in a group and working with girls online is as different as black and white. A lot of emotions were shared about why transgender feel they way they do. They shared their sex preferences and their activity there in. They expressed their idea of why some people prefer trans women. I think our Psychiatrist who was leading this group was "enlightened" as much as I was.
My one key take away from this meeting was these are individuals. Society lumps us into a one size fits all category and nothing could be further from the truth. We are unique individuals, even more so I believe than any other class of people. I've tried to explain to those I visit with they are unique unto themselves as too many of them try and fit into the design mold society has designed for them.
This is where I go into my rant against Harry Benjamin and his Standards of Transgender Care. Damn him and his rules every transgender had to fit into before they could be accepted as trans and receive support. He mucked up the whole medical support system transgender were or were not receiving. He drew up a Rule Book for transgender and every medical doctor took it as an iron clad gospel. Then the Government jumped on the same Band Wagon. Unless a trans did the Dog and Pony show for those who knew more about trans than those who were..., they were never going to receive medical support, unless... Many of the girls did the same thing I did and ordered hormones and blockers overseas. At that time most of the girls were ordering from Brazil. I picked up meds from Turkey, India, Thailand, Mexico and a few other nations. A word of warning, ladies don't do it. The likely hood one will not receive anything is better than ninety percent. The same percentages are even worse one will be charged double or ten times the cost of the same here in the US. The percentage is really high one will receive something that will make one deathly sick or kill them if they receive anything. The con artists and crooks moved into what was once a inexpensive great way to purchase meds. I've been checking overseas suppliers the past couple years and found one hundred percent crooks and con artists. I'm starting to ask if there are any honest ones still supplying hormones and blockers? Just don't do it.
I love all the boys and girls, especially the ones who got caught up in the gender blender.
Hugs People
Barbie Jean
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl