CHAPTER 30 - Rape victims feel responsible.

Heather was not the same after his near sexual assault.

Too make matters worse, Ellen continued to date men on occasion. One Saturday night, more accurately Sunday morning, Heather watched from the bedroom window as Ellen walked her date to the door and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him goodnight.

He was green with jealously. He went into the baby's room with a blanket. He threw himself under the crib and wrapped himself in the blanket. Ellen locked up and went looking for George. On all her previous dates, she saw signs of him trying to hide the fact he had waited up for her. This time she could not find him in his bed.

Out of desperation she looked in Ariel’s room and saw him on the floor.

"Is there something wrong honey."

"You kissed him. I saw you!", he grunted with his back to her.

"It was only a peck on the lips. You have seen me kiss men before. What’s the problem?"

"You put your arms around his head and pulled him toward you. The kiss lasted forever."

"We had a really good time; I was just expressing my appreciation."

Heather continue to pout. Ellen decided he was being unreasonable and left him to his own devices. She went to bed and fell asleep.

After that night, Heather for all intents he became a recluse. Outside of the office and his doctor, he had no social interaction with anyone. He went to work, locked himself in his office until quitting time. He stopped going to lunch with the other ladies, he took no coffee breaks. When asked a question he was polite but answered in monosyllabic terms when he could. He continued to do the things required of him as a housekeeper and babysitter but moped around the house like he was attending a wake.

Ellen was concerned about his mental health. She was seeing Fred on a regular basis. Being the consummate bureaucrat, he got the government to pay for his membership in Ellen’s country club. Weekly, they would visit over lunch and he would keep her updated on the threat to her and her family. Ellen knew how much her dating was hurting her husband, she was ready to end that and go back to being a couple. Every time she brought that idea up, Fred vetoed the concept saying she was still being watched by the cartel’s agents. Every week, she resurfaced the idea hoping something had changed.

Every night, she came home to loveless household. She began to look forward to her dates, just to escape the gloom of her life at home.

George knew none of this because he had stopped talking to his wife.

He couldn’t silence the debate going on between the male and female parts of his brain. Despite the first doctor’s prognosis, he shopped doctors in an attempt to regain his masculinity and demanded he be given a course of androgens to try and stiffen him. He tried all the ED enhancement pills on the market, even some street ones that weren’t legal yet. None were the magic pill he was looking for.

His system didn’t react well to the male hormones. He became irritable and combative. He was angry that he was no longer fully a male, he was just a boy with boobs. Ellen didn’t help with the fact that she kept his closet and dresser well supplied with a plenitude of new heels and lingerie.

That afternoon, he had his weekly appointment with his analyst. He asked the question that was driving his life. "Doctor, can I ever go back to living as man again?"

Like most psychiatrist he turned the question back on George. "Is that what you really want?"

"Of course, it is! How can you ask me that?"

"Watching you each week here in the office, it seems to me; your feminine mannerisms have been fully ingrained into your psyche. George hasn’t shown up in a very long time. Heather and I are the ones talking. I have heard for hours how much you want to go back to being a man.

"Let me ask you something. Are you unhappy living as Heather? I know you aren’t satisfied with your physical appearance, but the question must go beyond your looks. If, in your heart, you are unhappy living Heather's life, the answer is yes. We can look at what it would take to teach you how to be a man again.

"It would take hours and hours of therapy and lots of hard work, to retrain your old life. Have you thought what your life would be like if you returned to looking and acting like a man? What would that do to your job, your home life, your relationship with Ellen and your child. The question you must decide is being seen as a man worth the disruption to your life. To answer your question is yes, it is possible. But, based on everything we have discussed, I wouldn’t recommend it."

George went home with a heavy heart and did some real soul searching. Eventually, he made the smart decision and decided to stop the hormones. He found that without the artificial hormones he felt more peaceful. Therefore, he resigned himself to a life of being a feminized eunuch.

He did the only thing he could. He got up every morning and went through his beauty routine, put on his mandatory undergarments. Got Ellen and Ariel fed and dropped the baby off at day care. Drove his minivan to the office where he lost himself in his work. At noon, he picked up the baby went home and did what every working mother did, cleaned the house, did the laundry gave the baby a bath made dinner and waited for his spouse to get home.

@ @ @ @

It was a week later; Ellen had just arrived home from a hard day at the office she braced herself for what was ahead. She palmed the diamond ring and Ellen called for Heather to join her in the den. Heather who was in the kitchen getting ready to put a pot-roast in the oven. Heather walked in impatient that Ellen was disturbing her dinner routine. "What is it Ms. Newman?"

Ellen stood her legs fidgeted nervously as she said, "Sit down, we need to talk."

George thought ‘This is never good.’

After Heather was seated Ellen got down on one knee and held Heathers left hand and held out a mammoth engagement ring. "Let’s get married."

George started to say something. Ellen put her finger on his lips to silence him.

"As far as society is concerned, you are only my employee. We are two eligible bachelorettes living together in the same house. I, for one, am viewed as an attractive unattached successful business woman who has actively been dating. You my dear are seen as only my au pair and an exotic single woman.

"I am assuming your tastes still do not run to well hung studs just females. Am I not feminine enough for you?"

George frowned at her. "I have no interest in men. You are all the woman I could ever want. Where is this going El?"

"I am getting there. To make this masquerade succeed, you must get in touch with your female psyche. And become my perfect, little housefrau."

My proposal is I come out as a bisexual woman leaning toward lesbians. After a time, we tell people you are one too and we are in a committed relationship. It will keep the sex hungry vultures from both sexes swooping down on us like so much carrion."

Honey I am doing it for us. Remember when I sold our wedding bands? This gives us an excuse to get new ones. Now answer my question will you marry me?"

George was stunned by Ellen’s proposal. "I will need time to digest this. Can we talk about it later?"

He looked down at a disappointed Ellen, still on her knees waiting for his answer to her proposal. He had a lot to think about. Physically, his body no longer resembled a male. It had been reduced to a soft weak female one. Was he ready to capitulate his masculine role of husband, in favor of being a dutiful wife and all that would entail?

Ellen put off her announcement of being a lesbian until George agreed to marry her.

It took an entire weekend of deep consideration. Monday, he stayed home. He finally made a decision and was so energized he had to do something to settle his nerves. He cleaned the entire house and cooked a gourmet meal and chilled the best bottle of wine he could fine. When Ellen walked in, he sat her down and said, "If I say yes, it will be with one condition. Our relationship must be based on mutual respect and be a true partnership! I will not be just your servant."

Ellen kissed him full on the mouth then pushed Heather back and announced, "That goes without saying, but you must understand this is our second marriage. Things are going to be different." She said with a devilish cackle. Not waiting for a response, she went on, "Previously, I was the stay at home wife. I now have a thriving company to run. I don’t have the time or energy to keep the house and take care of our baby. It’s your turn to carry the load. So, you will be the housekeeper and provide the child care for our baby, while I go off to my job."

"That sounds like you want me to be the wife."

Ellen smiled at him. "You say that like being a wife is a negative thing. It’s the wife that makes a house a home. If you have a problem with that, we need to talk about it. Let’s face it you have already taken over the role of homemaker for this family, it’s a short jump to becoming my wife."

"I still need time to think this through. Is that alright?"

"Sure, take all the time you need." Said a disheartened Ellen. She was sure Heather would jump at her proposal.

To George, this would mean he will be giving up the last vestige of his manhood. A thousand things were ricocheting around in his head.

He thought, ‘Agreeing to remarry his wife is one thing. She has made it clear that she is looking for a wife, not a stand-in husband. She will take on all the traditional roles of head of the household, while I will be required to fill in as the supporting subservient partner and homemaker.

‘I have accepted the fact I will never look the part of a man again. But being a wife is a serious step. It is something I will have to really think about. I am happy with my life as is, perhaps the best thing for me to do would be to say no and just leave things as they are now.

'How would Ellen deal with the rejection is a major concern. I am going to have to sleep on this.’

The next week, Ellen took George out for a candle-lit dinner at a fancy restaurant. After a filling meal, Ellen got down on one knee in front of God and everyone she got down on one knee. She popped the question again. Slipping the ring on his finger she asked, "What do you say? I love you. Will Heather Love marry me?"

The ring was spectacular and appeared to Heather to be so large it was almost ostentatious, yet Heather loved it immediately. Staring down at the sparkling jewel on his ring finger, his heart melted as it signified the love Ellen had for him. In that instant all his doubts and concerns vanished like a puff of smoke. He would be the best damn wife a woman ever had.

With tears of joy in his eyes Heather answered, "YES! I will! How soon can we do it?"

"For convention's sake, I think it best to wait a while. I always wanted a June wedding. How about next June? That will make it appear that our bonding is truly romantic and not just a rebound thing. During the coming year I will have to be seen dating woman. Making it appear I am looking for a female mate, eventually we will need to be seen dating each other, then the announcement of our engagement will not be a surprise.

"In a more practical sense, it will take that long to plan our wedding. The first time we didn’t have any money so we were married at city hall. Our reception was held at the Elks lodge. Now we are affluent, I want to go all out this time and do it right. To hell with the cost!"

He went to sleep wearing the ring, he ‘forgot’ to take it off and wore it to work. No matter what the consequences the ring wasn’t coming off. At work, not one of the women, failed to notice a ring the size of the Rock of Gibraltar and congratulate her. Heather beamed with pride, and happiness. When they asked who the lucky guy was Heather played it coy and refused to tell them.

@ @ @ @

As his wedding approached, a creeping melancholia overtook him. It became so severe he broke out in a case of hives. The next six weeks were a living hell with a rash covering his back.

George wasn’t an idiot and spent a lot of time in self-contemplation. He knew for his own sanity he had to come to terms with who he was and who Heather was going to be. Ellen deserved a commitment one way or another. He had to shit or get off the pot. There was never any question of whether he would go through with the wedding and become the wife Ellen wanted him to be. He would do that because his love for his wife and daughter required it.

The baby was down for a nap. The table set, the washing was in dry cycle, and dinner was in the crockpot. It had been a gloomy overcast day that mirrored his emotions. To make matters worse, he was in the kitchen on his knees cleaning the oven, one of his more onerous chores.

The task wasn’t exactly rocket science which gave him plenty of opportunity to reflect on his situation. At the present, he felt like a scullery maid. His head was inside the oven scrubbing off baked on crud. When the fumes got to him, he raised his head too fast and banged it on the oven, causing Heather to see stars. As his senses cleared, it hit him like a bolt from the blue. He wasn’t the alpha male he once was, rather he had flipped positions with his wife. He was the homemaker in his marriage while Ellen was now the primary bread winner. Her working long hours meant he was forced to pick up more of the mothering responsibilities.

No self-respecting father and husband would want to trade in his man card to be a stereotypical stay at home suburbanite wife. Then, chuckling to himself he added, well maybe not so typical. He wanted to be resentful but he recalled the look of appreciation and gratitude on his wife and daughter for all he did to make their house a home. He knew this lifestyle wasn’t exactly the manliest but he couldn’t deny that it actually made him happy. He hypothesized that the universe played the ultimate practical joke on him as he was actually predisposed for this life style since to be honest he was always more a gather than a hunter. Would he rather be living his life as a father? Hell yes!

Unfortunately, that decision had been taken out of his hands.