Not What We Expected by Tiffany B. Quinn "I don't know," she admitted, "but I promise that this will be the last time that I bother you about getting pregnant. If this doesn't work I will quit trying and we'll find happiness without children. We will continue to be best friends." "You promise?" I asked to make sure. "I promise", she sighed with resignation.

Chapter 3

So, within a month we found ourselves bouncing along an old dirt road through moss infested trees looking for Tom's grandmother's house in the backwoods of southern Louisiana. It was an early morning in mid-September 2009 and the weather was comfortable but there was the promise of a hot, humid afternoon.

I had joined Sandra and Tom for a couple of lunches to discuss the situation before fully committing to the idea. Tom turned out to be a geeky looking engineer who was a very likeable guy from southern Louisiana. He stood at 6'1" and had a readily available easy smile. He was broad shouldered and reasonably fit. With a little effort he could have been quite good looking. A real lady killer.  But he had a geek's careless attitude towards his appearance.

Like me he was a techno geek. Unlike me, he had been professionally highly successful. He completed a master's degree in mechanical engineering at a highly respected technical university by the time he was 22 and filed for his first patent that same year. It wasn't long after filing for the patent that he started his own manufacturing company which became quite well known in the defense industry, primarily due to his many inventions and patents. He had also been very successful at recruiting a lot of very bright people to handle the various aspects of the business. About six months before I met him, he'd sold his company to a huge, well known, defense contractor for about $100 million dollars. He went from being very well to do to very rich overnight. Being a workaholic with an endless supply of ideas left to explore, he was on the hunt for new opportunities. A non-competitive agreement kept him out of the defense industry for two years after the sale of his business so he turned to the next most lucrative field for inspiration. He had been flying around the world consulting with medical industry professionals to find a niche where he could have success designing and manufacturing medical equipment and devices. Sandra had provided major assistance by connecting him to the right people in the industry. Less than a year in the business, he had already filed for one patent and was starting to put together another research & development team and a manufacturing operation here in Wisconsin.

At thirty-one years old, Tom was our age and still single. He had been so wrapped up in his work that there hasn't been a lot of time for relationship building outside the profession. I got the sense that work was the center of his life. Tom and I probably would have been good friends if it wasn't for the fact that he was obviously smitten with my wife.

I found out later that he had dated off and on but that girls were not the top of his priority list so nothing came of it. No girl had been able to compete with his first love: work. That is until he met Sandra. Some switch was thrown when he first laid eyes on my wife. It was like a whole new world lit up for him. I could relate to that as the same thing happened to me when I first met her.

Regardless of his attraction to Sandra, I liked the guy and he seemed to really want to help us. It was obvious that he and Sandra were good friends and friends like to help friends.

Frankly, I was only pursuing his offer so that Sandra would finally give up on her dream. Or maybe that is to have her give up on our dream, something that I had already done. I had lost faith. I also noticed the way that Sandra's eyes lit up with hope when she looked at me as we discussed the possibility of having a child with the help of Tom's grandmother. I could see genuine love when she looked at me with pleading eyes. I also saw the deeply rooted desire to become a mother.

The night before we were to meet with Grandma Broussard, we had checked into the local two story clapboard hotel (it wasn't much to write home about). The building looks as if it came out of the late 1800s or early 1900s. It was neatly kept, but very old fashioned and rated two stars, if you were generous. Sandra was excited about the upcoming meeting, telling me that she had a good feeling about this and that she was sure that we'd soon be parents.

Grandma Broussard's house must be a relation to the hotel. It is an old clapboard house built on a raised foundation of cinder block piers. It had a big covered veranda on the front and a large deck on the back. The back deck overlooked a swampy looking Bayou that is about twenty yards away. There is a small pier in the Bayou with a couple of skiffs tied to it. Sitting on the porch in a rocking chair was an old woman in her early 80s who could only be Grandma Broussard.

We parked the rental SUV next to an old beat up pickup truck. An old hound dog who was lounging on the deck greeted us with a half hearted bark. The hound apparently served as an alarm system, if not security. His bark was not enthusiastic and he didn't bother to rise from his reclined position. Only his tail wagged in greeting as we climbed the stairs to the front porch. A quick word from Grandma Broussard, silenced her companion.

Getting up from her rocking chair Grandma hugged my wife and said with a thick southern accent, "You are as purdy as Tom says, Sandra. Welcome."

Grandma looked like your typical poverty stricken old lady. She was wearing a faded old shapeless house dress and had flip flops on her feet. Her gray hair was pulled up into an untidy bun. Her most notable feature were her sparkling eyes with laugh lines around them.

"Thank you, Mrs. Broussard," Sandra replied with a blush.

"You can call me Grandma," she said, "Everyone else does."

Holding Sandra's hands she stared intently into her eyes as if reading her soul.

After a few minutes she turned to me and scanned me from head to toe with interest before taking my hands into hers.

"And you must be Sandra's husband Andy." Grandma said as she searched my soul as she had Sandra’s. I felt a weird tingling sensation as she held my hands.

"Yes," I replied, feeling a little uneasy, "I am Andy."

After a few moments she released my hands and looked away.

"Yes," she muttered to herself, "this will probably work."

She waved to a small round table on which sat a large flat bottomed steel bowl on top of a concrete paver. There were also four candles arranged around the bowl at each of the four points of the compass, "Have a sit, kids."

Once we were settled into two of the three chairs surrounding the table, Grandma was all business.

She asked quite a few questions about our backgrounds, our current situations, and our hopes for the future.

After the questions, Grandma shared her observations. "I sense a great deal of love between you two. It is clear that you have both been very good for each other. Unfortunately I also sense a hole in both of your lives that only a child can fill. Being childless has put a major strain on your relationship and has brought overall sadness to both of you. I also sense that the obsession to have children has impacted other areas of your lives. Sandra, while you are doing well in your profession, your obsession with having a child has been such a distraction that you are not reaching your full potential. Andy, I sense that you are operating well below your potential professionally, in part because of you feel a need to support your lovely wife in her crusade to have a baby. I strongly feel that if you two continue on the path that you are on that you have a fair to good chance of maintaining the strong bond that you have to each other, but without children of your own neither of you will find the fullness of happiness you each seek. Sandra, your need for children is much stronger than Andy's. Andy, you are willing to accept a childless marriage and would remain Sandra's best friend even if you cannot produce a child. Sandra, I fear for your ability to find a happy balance in your life if you do not become a mother. Your lack of balance will ultimately take the heart out of your marriage and you will, at best, just become just two good friends sharing life together. At worst, your marriage will disintegrate and you two will go your separate ways, having broken hearts that may never fully heal. I sense that there are already signs that your relationship is slowly degrading. It is good that you have come to me for help."

She paused for a moment. Sandra and I looked at each other then affirmed Grandma's observations about our current situation. Her predictions were unsettling.

"Let me make sure that I have the bottom line right." She said, taking a radical turn in the conversation, becoming very blunt. Looking at Sandra she said, "You really want to have a baby and it hasn't worked out because Andy here isn't producing what it takes."

And to think that I was starting to like the old lady. This change in attitude had me reevaluating my first impression. I didn't cared much for where Grandma Broussard seemed to be heading.

"You could say that." Sandra replied uneasily.

"You also want Andy to be an intimate part of your life, even if he can't produce." Grandma stated as an implied question.

"Yes," Sandra replied with a frown. I think that she was also confused by Grandma's line of questioning.

"I also understand that you don't want to break up your relationship with Andy through an affair or one night stand with someone who can give you what you want?" Grandma continued.

"I want the baby to be a product of love," Sandra replied testily, "I want the baby to have two loving biological parents. And Andy is the love of my life, so I want him to be a part of this. I am committed to our marriage vows."

"It would seem that you are in a difficult place, my friends." Grandma pointed out. "Are you willing to see what the magic can do to help you?"

"Yes, Grandma." Sandra replied. "Can you help?"

"I think so," she replied with a smile. "I sense that the magic has a plan for you. However, I think that the results will be different than you expect. Can you handle that?"

"Just so long as I can have a baby in the bounds of a loving marriage!" Sandra replied eagerly.

"Just what do you mean by the results being different?" I demanded.

"You will see," Grandma gave me a sad smile. "In time. But I assure you that all will be well in the end. You both will find the happiness that you seek. You will both also more fully fulfill your potential in all other areas of your lives. You will ultimately attain greater peace and happiness as the result of what we do here today."

Turning back to Sandra, she asked, "Did you bring what I asked?"

"Yes," Sandra said as she began to rummage around in her purse. She extracts a half inch diameter bolt and a half inch nut and hands them to Grandma. The bolt is coarse threaded and the nut is fine threaded so they don't actually fit together. "We've kept these on our night stand for the last fortnight as you requested."

Grandma turned the nut onto the bolt so that it barely caught, as will happen when you try to join a fine threaded nut with a coarse threaded bolt. She then placed the barely mated pieces in the middle of the large flat bottomed steel bowl. She then pulled out a padded mailing envelope and extracted a fine threaded half inch diameter bolt that she placed next to the mismatched bolt/nut that we gave her. She started chanting in some strange language as she sprinkled herbs and aromatic wood chips over the bolts and nut.

The mixture smelled of an intense potpourri scent that I've smelled in many feminine shops that I've visited with Sandra. It is not a smell that you will find in a sporting goods store.

Once the bowl was filled to overflowing and the hardware was deeply covered, she proceeded to pour fine brandy over the mixture. She swayed back and forth while chanting. As she continued the chant, she proceeded to light each of the four candles before dropping her long match onto the bowl, lighting the contents on fire. Reaching out to us, she had us hold hands around the table while she continued to chant. The chant got more feverish as the fire flared up. The strange tingling sensation that I had felt earlier returned with a vengeance.

Gradually, the fire burned down and out and we let go of each other's hands. The tingling sensation vanished when we let go. Grandma went into meditation mode, sitting still as a statue with her eyes closed. Sandra and I remained silent while we waited for the old woman to do something.

Grandma eventually opened her eyes and smiled at us. Without saying a word, she blew out each of the candles then proceeded to blow gently on the ashes in the bowl, scattering them about but managed to catch some of the ashes in a small bowl.

As the ashes were removed, four nuts and two bolts were uncovered in the bottom of the bowl. The nut we provided is now fully mated with the fine threaded bolt that Grandma had placed next to ours. The coarse threaded bolt had disappeared. To one side of the mated bolt/nut was a three-eighths inch diameter fine threaded nut. This nut is right up next to, and touching, the mated nut. There were also two quarter inch diameter nuts and a quarter inch diameter bolt on the opposite side of the bolt/nut arrangement from the three-eights inch diameter nut. These items are spread about half an inch apart. I also noted that all of the nuts and bolts were now made of stainless steel. The original hardware had not been before the ceremony.

Grandma, at first looked confused. "This is most unexpected," She commented to no one in particular.

Taking the remaining ashes into the house with a "wait here", Grandma returned in a few minutes with two mugs of steaming liquid. One mug was blue and the other was pink. I was given the blue mug and Sandra was given the pink one.

"Please drink all of this." She instructed us. "This tea is made from the ashes of the ceremony and will activate the magic."

The bitter drink was difficult to get down. Both Sandra and I grimaced after we taste it.

"Please drink all of it." She directed.

It is a tough go, but we did get it all down.

After we've finished the drink, she looked at Sandra, she said, "The results are most unexpected. The signs tell me that in nine months time, you will have a very young teenage girl in your life, but she will not be a child of your body. The three-eights nut represents this girl. This girl will be your companion through both good and trying times and you will love her as a close friend and confidant throughout your life. You will be best friends until death do you part. She is represented by the mid-sized nut that is touching the nut threaded on the bolt. As you see in the center, Sandra, the mated nut and bolt tell me that will you be fully mated with the love of your life in a perfectly matched union that will result in three children as represented by the remaining bolt and nuts. This small bolt and two nuts tell me that you be the mother of a son and two daughters in due time. All these people will bring you great joy throughout your life. Sandra and Andy, you both will attain unimagined levels of love and happiness as your lives progress. Happiness will follow you both throughout your lives and you will never be truly parted. The fact that they all turned to stainless steel indicates that everyone's love will be resistant to the corrosive influences of the world. As a side benefit, every person represented here will be of above average beauty."

"What's my part in this?" I asked pointedly.

Grandma looked at me with slight annoyance. "The love that you share with Sandra will grow in directions currently unimaginable. You will rejoice in this love throughout your life. You will be an integral part of this growing family. You and Sandra will be forever close."

"But will I still be her husband?" I asked.

Grandma just gave me a sad smile and said, "You will see soon enough what your role is. I can only tell you that it is good that you came to me. Without this magic, I fear that in the natural course of things your relationship with Sandra would collapse. There is still a chance that you'd be friends, but I saw nothing but loneliness and sadness. The resulting despondency would have major negative impacts in all aspects of both of your lives. While you would both experience unhappiness and loneliness, in the end, it would be worse for you than for your wife. She would eventually find another man to father her children and fill her need. You would wallow in loneliness. The strain of childlessness, when a child is desired as strongly as Sandra desires one, is more than most couples can handle. That is all that I will tell you for now."

She reached into the pocket of her house dress and extracted a blue crystal which she handed to me.

"You should put this somewhere in your house where you'll see it every day, young man." She directed. "It will be an indicator of the success of our ceremony over time. It will change color as the magic does its work. When it has completely changed color, come talk to me again. You will have many questions."

I just gave a humph as I accepted the crystal. This was all hocus pocus anyway, like all the other odd ball treatments we'd tried so I didn't press her for any more information.

"Well," Grandma said with a smile, "I have done all that I can for you. Maybe you'd like to stay and visit a while."

We did stay. The conversation quickly devolved into girl talk and my mind started to wander which, of course, Grandma noticed.

"My dear boy," she addressed me, "perhaps a little fishing might be of more interest to you than all this girl talk. Why don't you go down to the Bayou and see what you can catch. There are lots of catfish in these waters. There's a pole and bait in one of the boats. Just don't go too far. It's easy to get lost in the swamp."

That sounded like a good idea to me. I hadn't been fishing in a while and never in this area. I am rather good at fishing. I'm just not good at catching. Something about sitting in a boat with a rod and reel is comforting even if you don't catch anything.

So I spent the next couple of hours playing around in one of the skiffs and occasionally trying to catch a fish. I successfully caught three good sized catfish. I cleaned the fish with a knife that I found with the boat and presented them to Grandma when I got back to the house.

"That will make a nice dinner, boy." She smiled at me. "You two should stay and help me eat them."

"Honey," Sandra got my attention. "It is getting a bit late. We are going to New Orleans tonight. We should get going before it gets too late."

I took that as my queue that it is time to go. We said goodbye to Grandma Broussard with hugs and cheek kisses then started the drive to New Orleans.

"How'd you get along with Grandma?" I asked, making conversation as we traveled.

"Great!" Sandra said enthusiastically, "She has lots of family and I think that I heard about everyone of them, complete with pictures in her living room. It appears that Tom is one of her favorite grandchildren which is why she consented to help us. I get the feeling that she has been retired for a while and only helps people when family asks for it."

"Did you feel anything when she first held your hands and during the ceremony?" She asked.

"Yes," I affirmed. "It was weird."

"I did too," Sandra said thoughtfully. "It did feel weird."

"What do you think of what happened?" I asked her.

"I'm not sure what to make of it," she admitted. "You know that she's right about our strained marriage."

"I know," I sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Andy," she gave me an apologetic smile, "It's all my fault. I just can't seem to shake this overwhelming desire to become a mother. I have tried."

"I know you have, sweetheart," I reassured her.

"I will do better," she promised. "I will be a good wife and accept our childlessness if the babies she promised don't come."

"Are you sure that I will be the father of the children she predicted?" I asked her. "It didn't sound that way to me."

"That was confusing," she admitted. "I don't really know what to make of it. However, she did promise that our love would grow and that we'd be close throughout our lives. I can't see anyone else being the father of my children and us still being so close and in love. I want to believe that it will be you. I love you and there's nobody else that I want."

"Not Tom?" I asked.

"That's low," she started to get a little angry with me. "Tom is a great guy. I do like him a lot. While I do find him attractive, he is just a friend. A good friend. Nothing more. He can't compete with you. I know that my baby obsession has caused a strain on our marriage, but don't think for a minute that I would break our marriage vows for anyone. I really do love you more than anyone on earth. I am in this marriage until death do us part. Divorce is not an option. You are stuck with me, Andy, no matter what."

Despite Sandra's good intentions, I still had an uneasy feeling about Grandma's predictions. I wasn't sure why. After all, this ceremony would more than likely to be nothing more than an expensive waste of time. Just like all our other attempts.

"Did you ask her how much we owe for her services?" I asked.

"Oh, she said that wasn't necessary," she replied. "Being friends of Tom's, she thinks of us as family."

In hindsight, that statement should have set off some warning bells for me.