Last week, while at work, I ducked out of my office and over to the employee cafeteria - you know, sometimes you just need a few minutes away from your desk and the computer in order to save your sanity. So I decided to get a fresh cup of coffee from the cafeteria.
After I paid for my coffee and was leaving the cafeteria, I opened the door and there in front of me was a very pretty, and very pregnant, young woman. She gave me a beautiful smile and a good morning as I stepped aside and held the door for her. I couldn’t help turning and watching her for a moment; she was obviously very near to her due date.
I slipped out of the door, turned the corner, and finding myself in an empty corridor, I stopped and leaning my forehead against the wall I began to cry.
You see, although my life was blessed with three wonderful sons, I will never know what it is like to be a mother. I will die without ever knowing the feeling of a life growing within me. I am cursed to never share the bonding of breast feeding my child, and I will never know the joy of being called Mommy.
I see the relationship that my sons have with their mother, and I can’t help but compare it to that which I share with them. I will never have that same bond with them.
I was reminded of this tonight by a song in Bailey Summers wonderful story Jem. In the story, the main character, Angel Benton, writes a song called “Mother’s Song” - and I can’t help breaking down and sobbing every time I read it.
Somehow Bailey, you have managed to take all the pain and loss, all the desire and need which I feel, and transformed it into words. Truly killing me softly with your words.
Comments
I know how you feel
I was overcome with jealousy when my ex was pregnant. huggles!
I totally get how you feel
I have always had a close relationship to my daughter, but I've always wondered if it could have been closer if I was the one who had birthed her. I often get spikes of jealousy and depression when speaking with or even seeing pregnant women, and then there's that feeling of inadequacy and that I'm less of a woman because I can't go through what they are.
I think most of us feel that at times and Bailey has always had a wonderful way of putting those types of feelings into words. At least we can all take comfort in the fact that we're not truly alone.
*big hugs*
Amethyst
Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3
Sorry, not me
No children, none, nada, zip. If I was a GG I would have my tubes tied. I do not believe it is the ultimate validation of being a woman. Plenty of GGs don't want children, and I'm with them. Give me a baby kitten instead. They are cute and mature in less than a year.
"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin
Lucky?
My story can be found in quite a few stories I have read here - born appearing male but finding out later in life you weren't.
I have two children and a number of grandchildren.
Was I lucky? Being female meant being treated for most of my early life like a second class person, always having to defer to the male. That has changed a lot, although we still don't get equal pay for equal work. That part wasn't lucky.
Joanna