Paul was your typical waste of skin cruising through life. If you asked his mother to describe him, she would tell you he was intelligent, hansom, and the biggest underachiever she had ever met. Paul was going absolutely nowhere. He filled his days with a dead end job and his evenings with television and marijuana. That was, of course, before THEY came looking for the “Guardian”.

Prince Tomas had been searching for her for years. He was sure he was now close to his goal, but something was not right. “Are you sure?” he asked the old wizard, Aldegard. “Of course, I’m not sure, oh mighty impatient one.” He pronounced, referring to the prince. “However, it can be the only explanation of why we have found neither hide nor hair of her in, not only our realm, but the realm of Learity, either.” “Here, take a look at this one.” The old wizard waved his hand in front of his crystal viewer. It remained cloudy for a few seconds before focusing in on the wizards intended victim. “My God!” the prince exclaimed in surprise. “How can this be!” “That face, it looks so similar to hers, but……….” “I know, I know, but that is surely NOT a “her”.” pronounced Aldegard. “My only guess is that she was reincarnated into the wrong sex.” the wizard said with all the sureness of a wild guess. “We must do something, Aldegard, the kingdom depends on it.” “Is there anything we CAN do?” the prince mewed with a whine to his question. “Hmmmm…………….maybe…….just maybe…”

Paul was toying with the idea of quiting his pot habit, but after what he just heard, he now thought it would be a very good idea to quit, right now, cold turkey. “Uh……………WHAT?” paul asked totally mortified.

“I said, aren’t you bored frying your brain with that weed and watching those moving pictures all night, every night?”

“I heard what you said.” Paul was able to spit out. “It’s just……uh…well….uh….you are a giant face talking to me through my computer!” he cried at the verge of panic now.

“Oh that. No need for alarm, im just using what is on hand to communicate to you from my realm to your own.”

“From your realm to …uh mine?” asked Paul.

“Yes….” The wizard began to explain. “I live in a realm called “Freguard”. We call your realm “Learity”, or as you prefer it Reality, however, its no more or less real than our own realm……stupid name for a realm if you ask me.” The wizard rebuked a bit too grumpily.

“WoH! This must be some killer weed I scored.” Said Paul a bit shakily.

“Oh posh! I assure you, you are not hallucinating.” The wizard said not convincing Paul in the least.
“Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.” Said Paul, trying to make up his mind whether he should run out and get some more of this batch of weed from his connect before it was gone, or to dump it in the toilet and sleep off this weird hallucination he was having.

“Ah, so its proof you need?” asked Aldegard.

“Uh…yea proof would be nice….heh heh.” Snickered Paul, thinking his imagination was running in overdrive.

“Very well, young whelp, type “transfer me to Freguard” on your keyboard and we shall see what we see.”

“Hey, I’m not a young whelp, I’m 33 years ol…..oh nevermind. I am only arguing with my own mind anyway.” Paul said as he typed the words, thinking how silly he was being.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

“WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!”

………………………………………………………………………………………….

One month later…………
The day before Winter Solstice……………………

In the suburbs of California in the dead of night a computer blinked out of standby mode………………

Wooooooosh………..

Paul appeared in his mothers office next to her computer. He snuck into the hall and stopped to look at himself in the hall mirror. “Thank goodness that old coot Aldegard was right about me appearing as myself when I came back for this brief trip back to Reality.” Paul whispered to himself. Appearing as an Elf would have been bad enough, but there were far worse things to appear as in front of his mother, as far as he was concerned. He was glad Aldegard had helped him with those problems for his trip to see his mother.

His excuse to Aldegard and the Prince was to stop his mother from worrying for him, but in truth he was hoping that his mother could find a way to help him out of this mess he made for himself.

“I should have never signed that stupid contract without understanding what it said or the consequences it would bring upon me.” He said shaking his head.

If anyone would believe his outrageous story it would be his mom. She was a Wican. She believed in “The God and Goddess”. She celebrated Winter Solstice instead of Christmas. She loved crystals, tarot cards, and Harry Potter. If anyone could accept what had happened to him it would be her.

He snuck into her room where she and her husband were sleeping. He wasn’t my father. They had divorced a long time ago. He looks a lot like Sam Elliot in “Road House” so he, somewhere down the line, got used to calling him “Sam”.

“Mom……pssst Mom.” he whispered trying to wake her.

Slowly her eyes began to flutter. They slowly opened out of focus at first but then…….

“Paul?” “Paul, what are you doing in my room? Where have you been? We’ve been looking for you for a month now. I hired a private investigator. I’ve been worried to death. Where have you been?” she said with each question getting louder and louder till good old Sam woke as well.

“Mom please, this is going to be hard for you to believe. Lets go down stairs and talk. I have many interesting and unbelievable things I need to talk with you about.”

Sam grabbed his robe and left the room before Paul and his mother . Paul came to find out that since it was the night before Winter Solstice, the house was packed with family guests. Good old Sam thought it was his duty to wake everyone so they could make his life even harder as Paul found himself having no choice but to tell the story of where he'd been for the last month to the whole family. Besides his Mom and Sam, there was Pauls sister, Kimberly(age 35), her son Mick(age 10), and her husband Tim(age 34). Also Pauls younger half brother Jesse(age 20). Oh yea, this was going to be loads of fun…….for them, maybe.

Paul didn’t know where to begin with them all staring at him, wondering where the hell he’d been for the last month after vanishing off the face of the earth. So he did what he used to do best in these circumstances. He sparked a fatty and the world slowed down for the briefest of moments.

“You know I don’t approve of smoking pot in front of your nephew, Paul” his Mom declared.

Paul returned with “Chill Ma, he knows we all smoke every now and again.”
“Quit stalling, where the hell have you been, little brother.” Said my sister cutting to the chase.

“All business as usual eh Sis?”

“Well, you ain’t gonna believe it, but let me give it a shot anyway.”

“What if I told you that there is another land out there beyond our own that we can’t see, living in parallel with our own?”

“No shit, Sherlock, It’s called Europe, you retard.” My brother exclaimed, getting laughs from around the room.

“Shut yer hole, you little butt smear, before I tie you up and tickle you till you wet your pants in front of everyone like last Solstice, to ring in the New Year” Paul threatened.

That shut him up, but got an “If looks could kill” look from him.

“I’m talking about a magical land with wizards and witches and……..f”

“and a Fairie Princess named Paul?” again Jesse chiming in for a laugh.

Paul blushed a bit. If they only knew. Shakily Paul continued. “and elves.” Paul finished

“Sounds like you need to put the joint down, Paul” said my sister.

“What if I could prove it to you?” “What if I could show you?” Paul challenged.

“Hmmm, Really?” Pauls mom said a little too interested.

“Yes, come upstairs to the computer and I’ll show you”

“Sounds like a child’s tale to me.” Exclaimed Sam

“If it is then you can all have me committed and move on, but what if it isn’t?” Paul said.

“Alright,” my mom said making her decision, “show us then.”

As they all made their way back upstairs to Pauls moms computer room Paul continued with… “There are some things you should know before we go, though.” “First and foremost, don’t freak out when you get there. You will change.”

“Change? What do you mean, change?” my mother asked, curiously?

“Well, here we are humans. In Freguard, we are Elves. Expect pointy ears and such.” Paul explained.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Said my mom.

“That sounds cool.” My brother added.

“What else?” said my mother.

“Well, the women will have magical powers as do all girls to some extent in Freguard.” Paul continued.

“What about the men?” asked Sam

“Sorry, nope, however, all the men have magical items they can use, based on skills they obtain as children, and I assume you each will have one also.” Paul explained.

“Well that might not suck.” Exclaimed my brother.

“Anything else?” asked my mom.

“Umm…….well there is one other thing…..I sort of had to sign this….uh contract….and it um sort of makes me what they call the uh ….”Guardian” and well……um lets just go there and I’ll explain the rest after you see for yourself.” Paul stumbled out.

So there they all were standing in front of the computer. Paul walked up to the computer and typed the oh so familiar words that branded themselves into his brain after that night one month past…… “transfer me to Freguard” and just before hitting enter Paul wrapped himself in his hooded cloak so no one could clearly see him once they arrived………………..

“OH MY GOD, this is sooooo cool!” yelled my brother as he stroked his pointy ears

For a brief minute no one noticed Paul was hiding under a heavy cloak, covering him from head to toe, his face included.

“Whats with the cloak and dagger look, little bro?” asked my sister

“Nu….nothing sis……..I …uh I……” Paul started to say as Paul noticed his voice get much higher. Paul continued in a fake deep voice… “I just want you to get used to yerselves before I show myself. Here I am “The Guardian” so I look a bit different is all.” Paul lied, hopefully convincingly.

“Yea well, yer voice sounds weird too, little bro.” she said suspiciously, trying to get a look at Paul as he pulled back deeper into his cloak.

“Wow mom, check this out.” My sister said excitedly as she made a fireball in her hand

Pauls sister and mother started experimenting with their Mage powers, while the guys tried to figure out what they could do.

Pauls brother found out he was a Bard here, since he played several instruments in “Reality”

Pauls sister conjured up a guitar for Jesse and he was able to use it to shoot lightening out of the tip. Of course, he thought this was bitchin.

Mick could draw really well. Pauls sister conjured him a magic pen wand. He found that if he drew animals in the dirt, he could make them become real and do tricks for him.

Sam was still thinking on what his talent might be when the Princes' Royal Guard came riding up, flying the Royal colors.

This was the moment Paul had been dreading. He ran up behind his family and in a panicked squeaky voice begged “Please, MOM HELP ME….I….I swear mom I didn’t know what I was signing….. Please Mom help me!!!!”

Pauls family heard the panic in his voice and started to turn to him to question his sudden panicked state when the guards closed in on them and cut the questions off with greetings and questions of their own.

“Hail. I am Sir Quintin of Prince Tomas’ Royal Knights and who might you be?” directing the question at Pauls mother being the obvious matriarch of the group.

“ I am Kathrine, good Sir.” she responded.

“OF COURSE!” Sir Quintin responded excitedly “Queen Kathrine of Learity?”

Paul whispered to his mother explaining that it was her title over here being as she was Pauls mother, that made her the default Queen of Reality or Learity as they called it.

“Yes, that is I” she proclaimed without missing a beat and seeming to enjoy the new title at that.

“Welcome to our lands, your majesty. The Prince and his parents, King Drake and Queen Fiona are expecting you. Where may I ask is the Princess this fine morning, your Majesty?”

Kat felt her son squeeze her shoulders and whimper but before she could ask what was wrong, Paul’s sister spoke. “Princess Kimberly at your service, Sir Quintin.”

“Ah, and a very lovely Princess you are. You are the daughter of Queen Kathrine?”

“Yes Sire I am.” She said as she curtsied

“Wonderful, Wonderful!!” he said joyfully

“Alas, though, I was inquiring about your other daughter, your majesty.”

“My other daughter?” Kat asked thoroughly confused while looking around.

“Why yes, your majesty, the shy one that I believe is, at this moment, holding on to you for dear life trying to use you as a human shield.” He said while laughing jovially

That’s when all eyes turned to the fully cloaked figure. There was complete silence except for the soft crying sobs coming from underneath the cloak. As the cloak dropped to the ground revealing what was underneath, the Royal guards all smiled and Paul’s family all switched their looks between confusion and awe. Standing where her son used to be was the most Beautiful Elvin Fairie Princess, dressed in a flowing glittery pink gown, that Kat had ever seen.

“How…………who………….where………………..what..” Kat couldn’t get out one question before another popped into her head to be asked. Was this her son? How could that be?

“Please Mom, Please help me….” Said Paul…..no not Paul, not here in Freguard. Patricia. Princess Patricia, Guardian of Freguard

Above everything else you could here one distinct sound……..The laughing of a 20year old pest of a brother.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…………Fairie Princess….HAHAHAHA I called that one right on target…..HAHAHAHAHAHA “