A tale of lost love and new hope? Let's see.

I was watching the tube when the phone rang. I answered and heard someone call me a name I hadn't heard for years. It took a moment, then I laughed. "Roger, you old dog, how you been. It's been a long time." Roger agreed and we talked for a while longer. He said he was setting up a reunion and asked if I wanted to come. At first I said no, but he talked me into it. He gave me the place, date and time and we finished talking and hung up. As I put the phone down, my mind drifted back to the first time I met Roger.

My dad got a promotion and a transfer. We were going to California. He had finally been promoted to Sergeant First Class and now was in line as a Platoon sergeant in a light Infantry company. He had spent time in Fort Benning and Fort Bragg. He was Ranger qualified and Airborne, too. An automatic weapons specialist and armorer, he could make a SAW sing. And the new M60, the one with the reworked barrels, he was a master with it. Now, he was gonna get the chance to put that mastery to work. And in California.

We found a house off post and had our household goods delivered and the process of setting up the house fell to mom and me. The usual, but we were used to it by now. This was our fourth move. We hoped to be here for three or four years. We got settled in and then it was time for me to enroll in school. Mom and I set off to the local chapter of higher education and went to the admissions office.

When the admissions coordinator entered her office she greeted mom and me cordially. Mom handed her my records and as she looked thru them, she flinched. Looking up, she asked mom to introduce me. Mom told her my name was Raymond. The lady smiled weakly and asked if Raymond was a family name. Mom assured her that her father was named Raymond and that she had agreed to name her first child after him. Then the coordinator looked at me and said, "I can't call a pretty thing like you Raymond, I'll just put Mandy on the form, Ok?" She didn't even wait for an answer, but handed me my new admission slip. Mom tried to explain that I was a boy, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

I was guided down the hallway to a room and urged inside. I stood there as the door closed behing me. The teacher turned at the sound and asked, "What can I do for you?" I handed him my admission sheet and he scrawled something on it, then handing it back, he told me to take a seat. "Class, this is Mandy, she's a new transfer. Tell us a little about yourself Mandy." I gulped. Looking around the room I felt like I had no clothes on. I opened my mouth and said, "Uh, ummm, I'm Raymond Ferrel, my dad just got posted here and I'm 14 years old." I sat down quickly, my face red.

The noise level seemed to get louder and louder in the room when the teacher told everyome to settle down. The noise level did drop somewhat. I got thru the rest of the class ok. During the break I walked down the hall looking for my next class, when I ran into Roger. Actually, he knocked me down, accidentally. I was looking for the Boy's Room and he was too. As I pulled open the door, he stumbled into me causing me to fall. In he went and I just got up, dusted myself off and followed him in. He was the only one in there at the time and seeing me, he said, "Sorry bout the hall thing. Had to go real bad. You didn't have to follow me in though. I would have appologized in the hall." I ignored him and moved to a urinal and did my business. His eyes got real big when he heard the noise from my piss hitting the tile and his face turned red. Looking at him, I smiled and said, "Ahh, relief. Had to piss all mornng." I finished, washed my hands and went to my next class.

Thing were ok till sixth period. I was scheduled for PE and went into the Boy's locker room. I heard the usual boyish noises and continued farther into the room. Turning by a set of lockers, I heard, "Hey, you're in the wrong place.'' and "Couldn't wait for me to ask you for a date, huh?" I ignored them. The coach came running up to me and holding my arm, pulled me into the gym. "What the heck you doing in my locker room?" I showed him my admission slip and when he saw the name Mandy, he freaked. I tried to tell him that my name was Raymond, but that fell on deaf ears. He guided me back to admissions and left me in the hall. Inside he had a heated conversation with the admissions coordinator and was soon back. He handed back my admission slip and wished me a good time. I looked at the changes made and just shook my head. Instead of PE, I was changed to Home Ec. They said that I needed the Home Ec credit more than PE. There was nothing I could say. I just followed the floor tiles to the Home Ec Room. I gave my admission sheet to the teacher and was introduced to the class. As I looked at the faces in the class I thought I recognized a few of them. Then I saw Roger. He smiled at me and I smiled back. The teacher took this as a good sign and made him my class partner. Turns out that the teacher liked to put boys and girls together and till I got to the class, Roger was the odd man out.

I began a freindship with Roger that lasted thru high school. He was gay and I told him that I was not. But that didn't seem to help. I guess, I realized after the fact, that I was considered Gay or something because of our freindship. Cause of that I had not dated during high school. Course I was not the only one. After high school, I enrolled at the local community college and studied Business.

It was while at college, that I was approached by a coalition of Gay, Lesbian and Transgendered students. I didn't know it at first. I thought I was just invited to a regular party. Not! They wanted me to 'Come out' and were suprised when I told them that I didn't need to come anywhere. They explained about being transgendered. I was suprised and laughed at them. There was nothing wrong with my body. Thank you very much. Regardless of my opinions, they were very understanding and left an open invitation to join when the time came. I thanked them and went home.

I enrolled in Senior College and completed my BA in Business and went on for my Masters. I was hired by a nice firm in San Francisco and settled into my new life. I asked one of the girls in the office out and she said no thanks. This didn't bother me. I had joined a Book club and went to readings and events. I even started to go to the theater and took my mom to the Ballet. She loved it.

Tragedy struck, hard. My dad was killed in a training accident while preparing for deployment to Saudi Arabia. I helped mom clean up his estate and invested some of her savings and insurance money. When she started to get her dividend checks, she bragged about me to her friends and soon I was working off the clock, freelancing. I interviewed her friends and helped them understand how money worked, then when they were ready I invested. They were pleased with the results and soon I had enough clients to open my own investment firm. I hired my mom as secretary/receptionist and we did an ok business.

I gave up wool gathering and headed for bed, tomorrow was a special day, Mom's birthday, and I wanted to do something nice for her. I gave her, actually made her take, the day off and set her up with a full service spa treatment. Whatever that was. Then there was a gown fitting and the Ballet and dinner reservations. I wanted to spoil her . She was my mom and the love of my life.

The new day dawned and I presented her with the first part of her birthday present. Off she went in a hired car complete with driver and off I went to work. Soon, work ended and I made my way home. I showered and changed, getting ready for the evening with my special girl. We left the house and proceeded to the Theater then after to the restaurant. I checked with the Maitre'D and we were soon escorted to our table. Mom looked radiant. I ordered a nice wine and we began dinner. Part way thru the meal, mom excused herself to the Ladies room. I didn't give it much thought. Too soon, mom was back at the table, glaring at two ladies across the room. When she was seated, I asked, "What's wrong Mom?" She just glared across the room causing me to look in the same direction. I saw two ladies giggling and waving to us. My hand came up and I automatically waved back. That caused then to have a laughing fit. I was puzzled. What had they done to my Mom?

I stood and crossed the room. Standing by their table, I introduced myself. Their reply was to laugh in my face and say, "So, you're her Lesbian lover. Nice suit!" The broke up over that and laughed loudly. I just stood there with a dumb look on my face. Finally, I returned to my table.

Mom said she didn't know them, but had heard them talking in the Ladies Room. As she was finishing up, they made a comment about her going out with a bull dyke, asking if she liked a strap-on. I was shocked. Mom was angry. We finished our meal and were starting to leave, when mom aksed the waiter if there were any fresh carrots in the kitchen. The waiter thought there might be and mom asked if she could get two large ones, tipping the waiter. He returned with the carrots and they were fair sized. Mom got our of her chair and walked to the two ladies. At the table, she put the carrots in fronr of them and loudly said, "You wanted something large tonight, just don't get pregnant with these." She turned and we left the room. We were soon in the car riding home. Neither of us said a word during the drive.

At home, we each went to our rooms. I sat on the bed thinking. I usually keep a small stock of alcoholic beverages in my room, so I decided to hav a drink. I took off my shoes and removed my tie. The jacket was laying on the bed. Drink safely in hand, I was sitting on my private balcony, looking out at nothing. There's a view, but I was not paying attention to it. I was just loosing myself in thought.

I was remembering again all those times in High School that people either thought that I was Gay or a secret girl. I didn't get tormented too much and don't have any bad memories of it. After school, I had finished my studies and moived away. Where had Roger gotten my number? Then the answer came to me in a flash...MOM! She had always liked Roger and used to kid me that he really liked me, too. She would say that he, Roger, would make a good husband for me. I would usually just turn bright red at these comments and run to my room and hide.

I still remember the day I got real mad at Mom and ran out of the housse, swearing never to come back. I had walked for a long time and tried to calm down. I just couldn't understand why Mom, of all people, would keep picking on me about being Roger's wife. I was a B-O-Y. I saw so mad that I almost didn't see the car that sideswiped me. If I hadn't tried to jump out of the way, I would have been killed. Lucky me, I just had a broken left arm and leg and fractured pelvis. I was in the base hospital for a long time.

Life in any hospital is boring. if it hadn't been for Roger, I would have gone crazy. He came by almost aevry day and hepled me with my homework and stuff. He would bring in vidoes and books and we'd just hang out and talk. So, ok, I was the one hanging, I mean I was in traction. Ha, got you! Roger would even spend most of the weekends with me. It was a long six weeks then I was home, but still not in school. Again Roger was a lifesaver. He spent so much time at my house that he even had his mom bring over some clothes. I guess she was happy that Roger had a friend and he was a good friend. He helped give me baths and cleaned up after me. Mom said that he did it out of love. I blushed when she said that.

All I know is that when I needed someone, Roger was there. He was supportive and caring. Then one day, he was gone. We had graduated High School and were discussing plans for the future. We were going to meet up with some of our fellow grads for an after Graduation party and Roger never showed up. I called his house, but there was no answer. No answer after knocking on his door, either. Nothing. Him and his mother just vanished. Roger was gone and hadn't even said goobye.

Life went on and as I sit here, I wonder why he left and what happened in the intervening years. There was so much that I wanted to tell Roger, but never got a chance. I hadn't realized how he had filled my life and I hadn't reaized how much I loved him. Mom knew all the time, but didn't pry.

Now as I sip my drink, I've made up my mind. I'm going to tell mom she was right and I'm going to tell Roger. Oh, yea, one of the things we mentioned over the phone was that we were still single. I pleaded the pressures of business and he said that there was someone special, but nothing more. Our conversation ended with my comitment to attend the reunion and I am looking forward to seeing Roger again.