Caitlin is nervous about getting found out at the slumber party. She talks it over with Meredith and Rebecca, finally finding a way to better understand herself. But does she have it down enough in time for the party?

Here is a special chapter, since I am going on vacation starting Saturday. I hope you all enjoy it.

Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. There should be no way that these characters are like anyone else, but if that isn’t the case, it has definitely been unintentional. Also, if you happen to find that your life is represented in these pages, I’ll be impressed.

Sorority Boy
By poetheather
Chap 9

She woke me with a kiss. “Morning Sleeping Beauty.”

I opened my eyes and smiled up at her. “Hey there.”

Meredith bent down and kissed me on the nose. It tickled just a little. “Come on. If we hurry we can get downstairs for breakfast before all the fresh bagels are snatched up.”

I rubbed my eyes, trying to rub all the sleep out of them. I had managed to sleep well, though I did sort of remember my dreams. What I remembered was that I had been a girl in them. That was different enough that I had managed to hold on to that fact. It’s not like I had dreamed about being a girl before all of this, so this certainly was a new development.

Telling Merri may or may not be a good plan, so I didn’t. Maybe I could talk to Becca and get her two cents on the matter? She had heard a lot of my dreams and stuff, so it kind of made sense. Besides, she just might be able to help me remember that I wasn’t crazy, despite everything.

The bagels were very fresh and I happily munched away at my everything bagel. It had a good layer of cream cheese and was mighty tasty. Afterwards Meredith sort of dragged me to the room. She was smiling that smile that usually meant that I was in some sort of trouble. It was the same smile she had when I had been told of my transformation. It made me nervous.

She made sure to lock the door and to turn on some music before starting. “Okay, so you need to be ready for tonight. We just need to get your vagina attached and pick the right nighty for you and all will be well. I will really work to make sure there is no way for you to get discovered. Now if there are any other questions I will happily answer them.”

“So…are there usually pillow fights at these things?” I was nervous, as that might cause a situation for which I wouldn’t have a decent response. What I didn’t expect was what I got.

Merri started laughing, loud. She doubled over in mirth, tears coming from her eyes. I got embarrassed, knowing that somehow this was my doing. What was wrong with a perfectly simple question?

When she stopped laughing, taking gasps of air, she looked up at me and smiled. “You are so cute.”

“Hunh?” I couldn’t follow how that statement followed from what I had said earlier. What the hell was she talking about?

“Of all the things you could have said, you went with the most stereotypically male question. That was just funny.” replied Meredith, as she wiped the tears from her face.

“Merri, I am a male.” I hissed out, making sure to keep my voice down.

“Really?” Her arched eyebrow was question enough.

“I can untuck and show you if you want?” I was starting to get a bit irritated. Her implications were pissing me off.

“Caitlin, think of what you agreed to do? Now, how many guys do you think would have agreed to this, let alone have lasted this long? You may have been born with a penis but how does that make you a man?” The question and implications stung.

I stood there glowering at her, growing angrier. “I am a man. I am doing this because I have given my word. I know that this isn’t what most men would do, but then again I am not like most men.”

“That’s what I’m saying. You are not male in so many ways that it isn’t funny. And you’re not overly female either. You go both ways, kind of like you’re the bisexual of gender or something.”

I stood staring at her like she was crazy. The bisexual of gender? What the hell did that mean? “I am just being true to myself, but I am a guy.”

“If you say so. That part doesn’t matter to me. I love you for you, not for your gender. I just think you are neither one nor the other, that’s all.” She seemed a bit subdued when she said that.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that this gender thing is making me schizophrenic. Some days I don’t know who I am.” I apologized, wanting to smooth things over.

Meredith bit her lip and looked up at me with worried eyes. “I know how you feel. Until I realized that it was okay to like both boys and girls, I felt really similar. Maybe you are kind of the bisexual of gender, able to be both? I mean, doesn’t that at least sound like a possibility?”

“So if someone asks I tell them I’m bigenderal?” After a few moments of silence we both started snickering. Meredith came over and gave me a hug, kissing me on the cheek.

The tension was broken, replaced by light humor. Bigenderal? I think I could live with that. Better than schizo.

Still chuckling, Meredith continued, “There might be pillow fights, but not in the way you might be thinking. They’re fun but certainly not a prelude to a sleepover orgy. If they are, then I have been to all the wrong parties. Don’t tell me that you never had pillow fights at any of your sleepovers?”

“Well, at the few I have been to, we did.”

“Did any of those turn into orgies?” She asked reasonably.

“No.”

“Then don’t worry about that. Mostly there will be a lot of talking, maybe a few games, but that’s about it. Nothing too odd. Really. You don’t have to stress about this. Think of it as a final exam. You really get to go out in the world, be yourself and not have anyone nearby to hold your hand. It won’t be like Rush week, but these girls want to be your friend. Might as well just relax and try to become theirs.” When she was making sense it was tough to argue with her. Actually it was hard to argue with her anytime. I nodded accepting things.

I had a plenty of time before things started to just relax and think. I needed to do that as this whole situation was building of to possibly another panic attack. The more I thought about things the more I was coming to realize that I was the one getting in my own way over this whole thing. I had agreed to do this. I had agreed to make an honest go of things. Maybe that meant I needed to stop worrying about this and just let things go. Maybe Merri had something with the whole stupid bigenderal thing? If I was not really either, but some of able to use any of both to express myself, then perhaps I could stop flipping out over this.

But was it real? That was the crux of the situation. If this was real then I could actually use this to help myself out. If it wasn’t then it wouldn’t work and I would be back in the same situation as before. So which was it?

I had to admit that I wasn’t like other guys. I didn’t look like them and I didn’t have most any of the same interests. Most of the time I thought they were idiots. But did that make me any less male?

I also admitted that I do like the feel of some of the clothes I am wearing and that I sometimes feel pretty in them. I get along with most of the women of the House and my best friends a woman. But did that make me female?

This whole thing was stupid but my whole time here at this school revolved around this question and not if I could do my class work correctly. So I had better really come to a resolution on this issue rather than just let it slide. The question was, how could I tell one way or another?

I picked out my clothes for tomorrow, packing an overnight bag. I also put in my green night gown that Gwen and Meredith got me when this whole thing started. I liked it. The material was comfortable and it was nice to sleep in it. But was I a girl for liking it?

I grabbed my pillow and screamed into it. This whole situation was dumb as hell. Maybe if I called Becca?

The phone rang three times before she picked up. “Hello?”

“Becca?”

“Caitlin?”

“Maybe. That seems to be a bit of a question.”

“What?”

I explained the situation, to her and the word that Meredith had come up with. “So do you think that might be the case here?”

The line was quiet and I could barely make out Becca’s breathing. “Becca?”

“I’m thinking. Give me a moment.” The line was once again silent. I fidgeted nervously. If she was taking this long to answer… “I think there might be something to that.”

“What?”

“Caitlin, one of the biggest reasons that you and I became friends is that you relate to me as both a guy and a girl. I mean, I have told you things that I would never have told any other guy. But you can turn around and give me a truly male opinion about things. Maybe you are this whatever?”

“Bigenderal?” I wasn’t sure if that was what she meant, but I thought it was. And could all that be true? Becca did know me better than anyone else. Maybe she had a better grasp of that then I did, because she wasn’t making herself biased. Was I biasing my thoughts on the matter?

“That’s the world. I’m not saying you’re a transsexual, but maybe you are a bit more changeable in your approach to gender. Like a buffet gender, a bit of this, a bit of that.”

“Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds?”

“Shut up bitch. Look this whole thing is giving you a chance to play with your gender in a way that other people can’t. Women actually have more leeway in this than men, so you will be doing it in a safer format, than if you did it as Richard. Just be yourself and to hell with anything or anyone else. You do know that if the Sorority thing doesn’t work out that you can stay here?” Becca’s voiced softened at the end. I knew she cared for me as if I were her younger brother, sister, whatever. It meant a lot to me, just to know that.

“Thank you. Oh, I’m going to a Slumber party tonight with the other girls in the Pledge class.”

“You’re getting worried about it aren’t you?” She knew me so well.

“Yeah. I just don’t want to get caught.”

“Then relax. If you act tense or worried or something people will notice and try to figure out what you are hiding. That is never a good thing. Just be you. You know Alison, right? Then hang with her until you get to know the others. It’s not rocket science Richard.”

I nodded, ignoring my old name. “Okay. Thanks. This whole thing is so odd that I feel like I don’t have any solid footing beneath me.”

“Well, you have me and Merri, which is good. Gwen likes you as well and Alison might become a good friend. And as for the school, you are good at that stuff. I think a lot of the Sorority stuff will be similar. Freaking out doesn’t help you and makes you forget those you can lean on for support. Caitlin, you aren’t doing this alone. There are a lot of people there for you.”

I sighed, letting the tension flow out of me. Becca was making a lot of sense. I did have people who supported me and already had. Meredith had been ready to leave the House over me. This whole thing was nothing different.

I grabbed my stuff. I was ready to go. I hunted around until I found the corner where Meredith had gone to read. “Hey there. I’m ready to head off.”

“Crisis of Faith over?” she replied with a movie quote.

“You could say that. I need to go and get something for the party. I love you and I will miss you.”

“I’m going to see you tomorrow.” Merri quipped.

“Yeah, but I love sleeping with you. It’s nice.” I bent down and kissed her softly on the lips. She opened her mouth some and it turned into something with more passion, with her hand on the back of my neck.

When she let me go, she looked into my eyes. “I love you. Have fun.”

I was still in a bit of a daze from the kiss as I headed out to my car. I needed to head to a grocery store to grab something for the party. I had figured that some poppy seed muffins would be nice. Something breakfasty for the morning.

I was a bit nervous as I pulled up to the complex where Alison lived. Some of the other girls were there. Holly was obviously here, since one of the cars had a sticker that said ‘Climbers do it with rope’. The rainbow across the back window was obviously Megan. So people were there.

I sighed, letting my tension out again. This was just a night with people I liked. I would be okay. I grabbed my overnight back and the grocery bag and headed upstairs towards her corner apartment. I knocked on the door, waiting for this whole thing to start. I was Caitlin, currently a girl but sometimes a boy. This is who I am and I was okay with it.

The door opened and Alison smiled at me. Her black hair was in two pigtails and looked terribly cute. She bounded forward and hugged me. I could smell some alcohol on her breath. “Caitlin, welcome to my humble abode. Enter freely and of thine own will.”

I shook my head at her Dracula quote and headed inside, towards my first slumber party with nothing but girls. Despite everything I was a bit scared but I had given my word and this was all needed to stay in the House and to stay Caitlin. I put my bag down with the others and handed the muffins over to Holly, who passed me a drink. “Welcome to the Pledge Class Slumber Party!”