Read Angela's story about the big juicy Football player and the effeminate boy. Gosh, I hope they get themselves sorted.

Somehow the story hooked me into one of those teary mindsets, you know, the ones you could break out of if you wanted to. It's only about 1:30 AM here and I think I just want to wallow in my misery for a while. Yeah, just be a sloppy, weepy, pathetic old tranny that most just wish you would just shut up or die.

So here I sit here listening to ELO, and reading "The Princess Trap", drinking weak beer and wishing that someone would break in and hold me until I run out of tears. Many of us share the same or similar pain, so I'm not unique. You know the one where you always wanted to be a girl, and then one day they caught you, and despite the fact that the family were straight up Jesus freaks and promised to love one another, you were deemed bound for Hell. All those who were supposed to help you just stood around like killers at a slaughterhouse, you know the ones.

I fear the Mental Health freaks the most. They unlawfully kidnapped me and confined me illegally, and shot me full of mind altering drugs, and looking back I wish they'd killed me, but dammit they didn't. Looking back, I wish they'd just shot me. All I needed was someone to hold me until my tears dried. All the churchy folk did was condemn me to hell.

It's been a calm Christmas and New Year Season. A friend had me over for Christmas Brunch. My own absent family at least didn't hatefully text me like last year.

I'm sorry, I know that there are others here who are just as shattered, or more than I am. Thanks for letting me piteously whine. No suicide or other attention grabbing acting out. Promise. No one is going to show up and crush me in an embrace. Cathy, please don't be pissed off that I didn't wake you at 5:00 AM.

Guess I'll finish my beer, eat some crackers and read my book until it is too late for it to make sense to go to bed after I shut all the electronics down.

Bless you all.

Gwen Brown