Spectacular Part-9

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Spectacular
Part Nine

by:
Enemyoffun


Chase just wanted to spend the last days of summer trying to make the swim team. Fate and the universe had other plans.

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Author's Note:I had every intention of posting chapter last week, then the power company screwed us over. Due to lack of communication, they shut our power off and it took nearly the whole week to get it back on. So not only did it stop me from posting this chapter, it stopped me from writing Ch.10 too. I'm working on 10 now, hopefully I'll have it ready to post next week. I'm also currently working on something for the new contest. So I might end up splitting my writing time between a couple of different stories going forward.

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9.

I sneezed.

How did that old saying go?

Someone must be thinking about you?

I shook off the thought, needing to concentrate more on what was going on in the present. Particularly the situation at hand. I looked over at Dey, who was standing near the window. The curtains were closed but that didn’t seem to bother her in the least. I couldn’t help but wonder if X-ray vision was one of her superpowers. I also couldn’t stop staring. She was fully clothed now but I couldn’t stop thinking about what I saw less than an hour ago. She was a beautiful woman, with or without her clothing. The funny thing was, I’m not sure she actually knew it. I think that’s what made her more beautiful.

“You’re distracted,” she said after our very long hour of silence.

“What?”

“We don’t have time for your thoughts, we have to concentrate.”

Wait, could she read minds too?

She turned to me, an impish smile on her face.

“Your pheromones give you away,” she said, stepping away from the window. “You are young and at that age but now is not the time.”

And there goes the mood.

Ok, so there was no mood.

She was right though.

I was distracted.

I was more than a little confused too. I had a Goddess in my head and she just told me in a dream that I was her Archon. Well, temporary one but still her Vessel nonetheless. I thought about telling Dey everything but something stopped me. I knew I should trust her but there was something about this whole thing that felt off. If I had a Goddess around my neck, how had she not noticed? She said she was a Stalker, she said she was looking for this renegade princess. Yet she was here with me, instead of fulfilling her mission?

It didn’t make any sense.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked, trying to distract my betraying thoughts.

“We need to leave this place,” she said, finally stepping away from the window.

She flicked her wrist and suddenly that metallic looking staff appeared in her hand. No, not a staff. It was a spear of some kind but it had sharp knife-like points at both ends. What had she called it again? A Kagan? No a Kaagan.

“What is that anyway?” I asked, looking intently at the spear.

“It is the weapon of my people,” she said, twirling the spear as if it was made of paper.

Sure that explained everything.

She saw my look of confusion. “We do not have time for a full explanation but I will try to elaborate” She swung the spear around her body, wielding it effortlessly. “I come from a jungle planet, I mentioned this before, yes?” I nodded and she continued. “From an early age, the people of my Tribe are trained as warriors. First with practice weapons then when we come of age, we participate in a ceremony and at the end of it we are awarded with our Kaagan.”

“A ceremony, like the one to chose the Archon?”

“Not exactly,” she said with a sad smile. “All the youths in the village are sent out into the wild to hunt a Grogar, it's a large beast. Those who survive the Hunt pass the test.”

“Those that survive?”

“It is a very large beast.”

Wow.

So they sent kids into the jungle to die.

That’s messed up.

“It is our way,” she said, reading my thoughts again.

She walked over to the door, looking at it for a moment.

“Tell me about your authorities. Do they wield weapons?”

“Yes, but they only use them if they’re threatened and ONLY if they’re fired upon first.”

“Fired?”

“They’re guns.”

She was still giving me a confused look, so I made a "hand gun" with my thumb and index finger. I followed it up with a little "pew pew" sound.

“Projectile weapons?” she asked, I nodded. She scuffed. “How cowardly.”

Cowardly or not, they got the job done. Say what you will about guns or gun control or the like. My father was a police officer, I was all for guns. If used responsibly of course. He already promised when I was old enough he’d take me to get certified. It wasn't on the top of my priorities list but I think agreeing to it made Dad happy. After all, there were few things we actually had in common. I think he thought if he showed some kind of interest, he might win some kind of points with me. Taking me to the range wasn’t my ideal place but I could sacrifice my discomfort for his happiness.

“Whatever you think about them or their weapons, they’ll be onto us soon.”

It was only a matter of time after all.

Our faces were all over the news. Someone was bound to have seen us come this way. Possibly even the motel manager. We needed to get out of here. The faster, the better.

After figuring out some kind of plan in my head, we set out.

I was quick about returning the room key. Thankfully there was a different person at the desk this morning than last night. It was strange. Had the two of us really spent all night here? Everything was a bit foggy still. I remember renting the room yesterday. I remember lying low for a while with her, asking my questions, finding out the truth about her. The rest of the day and into the evening was blank. Though be fair it was weird hours. When I fell asleep and woke from the dream, it was barely five am. Now it was nearly eight or so, which meant the police had a three-hour head start on us. Grace had mentioned they were at our house, probably rifling through my stuff. A small part of me wanted to run home and forget all of this but I knew it wasn’t possible now. I was committed to this cause, wherever it led.

Which reminded me…

“What is the plan anyway?” I asked after the two of us walked out of the office.

“We have to find the princess,” she said as she started walking.

I’m not sure where too but I followed.

“Which one?” I asked as I rushed to keep up.

“What?”

“There’s two right” I was panting. Wow, she was fast. “Princesses. Jellia and her sister right?”

She didn’t say anything as we crossed through the parking lot. We hopped the guardrail and made it quickly across the street. It was still pretty quiet out. The road we quickly crossed had a diner on the other side. We made our way toward it but she made no attempt to go inside. Instead, she led me over to an abandoned picnic table under a large oak tree. We were barely at the table when she turned toward more, a fire in her eyes.

“You dare question my duty!” she snapped, her fists clenched at her sides.

“Of course not” I stammered, staggering backward.

I did not want to face an angry Dey.

The girl threw car doors.

She glared me down for only a few seconds though. The fire in her eyes dissipated. She sighed heavily and dropped to the bench. Gone was the violent alien girl who wanted to rip off my head. In her place was a sad and broken very human looking girl. I dropped down next to her, making sure I wasn’t too close just in case. Dey was one of those people who clearly wore their emotions on their sleeve. I’m not sure I was ready to close to an angry Dey again.

“I failed” she groaned. “I had one job. Find Jel but then Nal got into this. I should have never let her go.”

“Why did you?”

She scoffed. “I can’t disobey orders.”

I was confused.

“I thought you were from different planets?”

“We are,” she said then sighed. “The Zeekans have no true royal family. Though we have a Holy Goddess, her Archon is always chosen from one of the High Clans. My clan is not. So those who do not serve the Goddess, serve in other capacities. I was sent to Xernos at a very young age to train in the Academy. When I was old enough, I was stationed on Quel.”

I think I was starting to make some sense of all of this.

Dey was some kind of soldier. She was honor bound to serve the Quelan royalty.

“It's not your fault,” I said, hoping to cheer her up.

“It does not matter. I failed in my duty. Upon returning home, I shall petition to have my title removed. I do not deserve to be a Stalker.”

“Now you’re just being ridiculous.”

She smirked. “Is this how you humans cheer people up because you’re horrible at it.”

I laughed, placing a hand gently on her’s. “No this is a friend telling another friend to stop being hard on herself. You couldn’t have anticipated everything. Jellia getting sucked into that rift distortion or whatever was not your fault. You pursued her. You did your job. Its also not your fault that she’s not here. We’ll find her.”

She scoffed. “How?”

This time I smirked. “Dey, this is the age of communication and information. There’s no way an alien spaceship coming to Earth would go unnoticed for long.”

“Where would we even look?”

I sighed. Now, this was the part I was definitely going to regret.

“I know a guy.”

******

“You can trust this friend of yours?”

The cab pulled up across the street from Charlie’s place. I looked out the window, wondering what the hell I was even doing here. When I called Charlie from the diner payphone, I was so sure about things. Now that I was here though, I realized how stupid all of this was. Of course, I could trust him. He was my best friend. He was an alien nut. If anyone knew anything about spaceships arriving on Earth, it would be him. The problem---my problem---was that I didn’t exactly want to get him involved with any of this. It was too dangerous. I didn’t want to be involved in it either but I didn’t have a choice anymore.

Charlie did.

And now, I stupidly made that choice for him.

Shit.

“Here we are...ummm….” said the driver, turning around in his seat.

“Thanks,” I said quickly, handing him my last twenty.

I only had about a hundred bucks on me from before. I spent most of it on the motel room. Then we made a quick pit stop at one of the nearby gas stations to grab some fresh clothes, not the best selections but the hoodies hid our faces well. The driver took my money then gave me my half back with a toothy grin. Most of which was directed at Dey. Even with the hood, her attractiveness shone through. She seemingly ignored him as she climbed out of the vehicle. I thanked him again before clamoring out myself.

The cab didn’t stay around long.

I stopped to watch it go before turning my attention to the building in front of me. I get why Dad didn’t like this neighborhood. All the buildings were old and decaying, the streets were covered in garbage and the people, don’t even get me started on the people. It wasn’t a friendly place. Dad’s attitude about it pissed me off though. He was the Chief of Police, he went to all the city council meetings and not once did he propose anything be done about it. It was like the city had given up on this part of town. Given up on these people. It always angered me when cab drivers sneered at me for having them take me here or the way they bolted off as soon as I stepped out their cars.

“This is disturbing,” said Dey, standing to me.

“Tell me about it”.

So she did:

“I’ve been on your planet, in your city, for nearly one of your weeks now. I’ve seen many things. I have seen how you treat one another, I thought I had seen how you live. It's unbalanced. Your society, for all its advances in the two centuries, you have truly not progressed at all. How can one part of your city live in grandeur and the other part live like this? It's shameful.”

She was right.

I was ashamed that she was right.

“I can’t argue with you there.”

“Your leaders should be ashamed.”

“Our leaders are lazy” I added with a grunt. “Fat politicians who don’t give a damn about anyone but themselves...”

My father included.

She grunted too. “My people have ways of dealing with those types.”

She didn’t elaborate.

I’m glad for that.

After we were done mutually agreeing that my city sucked, we crossed the street. Charlie lived in one of the many identical brick duplexes. Many people passed on by without even bothering to wonder what type of people lived here. Not me. I started up the steps of Charlie’s place when I stopped to turn and look toward the direction of the warehouse district. Had it only been a few days ago? It felt like a lifetime. Dey looked too.

She muttered something under her breath but I couldn’t make it out.

Had it been some kind of prayer?

Maybe for her friend?

Turning toward the task at hand though, I pushed the buzzer for Charlie’s apartment.

The door clicked a second later.

I led Dey into the small foyer then up the narrow stairs to Charlie’s floor. Dey didn’t say anything but I saw the disgust on her face. When we reached Charlie’s door, I knocked once. We had this code. Whenever I visited I always knocked once so he knew it was me. In return, he knocked a few times depending on who was home. If his Mom was home, it was just once. If Jay was there it was twice, if both were there it was three times. Three knocks was the signal for me not to come inside. Jay and their Mom fought constantly. It was not a good place to be.

Two knocks greeted me.

Great.

A second later, the door opened.

Charlie looked from me to Dey and back to me. When his eyes scanned my face, for a moment I saw confusion.

It was gone just as quick though.

He turned to Dey. “Wow, you’re tall.”

She nodded. “My people take pride in their height.”

“Right,” he said, bobbing his head like an idiot. “Well come inside.”

To say Charlie’s apartment was small was an understatement. I tried not to notice but sadly I always did. There was a tiny living area that opened right into the kitchen area. It also fairly small. Both areas led to a hall with three equally small rooms. The sad price to pay to live in this part of town. Dey followed my eyes around the room, directly to where mine was currently looking: on Jay. Charlie’s brother wasn’t a bad person per se, he just had this way about him.

“Hey, who’s the babe,” he asked, eying Dey up like she was a side of beef.

“WAY out of your league,” said Charlie, ushering us down the hall to his room.

When we got inside, he made sure the door was securely locked.

“Sorry about that,” he said, clearing a stack of comics off his desk chair so he could sit.

Dey and I awkwardly took up residence on the edge of his bed.

There really wasn’t a lot of room for three people but we’d manage.

I watched as Dey looked from the bed and dresser to Charlie’s walls which were littered with sci-fi movie posters, game memorabilia, and newspaper clippings. The clippings outnumbered everything else. They covered most of the walls. They were part of Charlie’s obsession. His search for extraterrestrial life. A search I thought was absolutely crazy. Well, that is until I met the alien sitting next to me. When I called Charlie on the phone and told him I had someone he had to meet, he was intrigued. When I told him we were looking for something that only he could find, he was excited.

I’m not sure if he put two and two together but he anxiously told me to come.

So here we were.

Me, the alien nut and the real McCoy.

Charlie was the first to break our very long silence:

“So, Chase says you’re from out of town”.

I scoffed.

“Yes.”

“Where exactly?” he asked. “Ohio, Florida?”

She smiled. “Not this country."

“Oh, are you a new foreign exchange student then?”

I rolled my eyes. Was Charlie being dense or did he really not figure it out? He kept on guessing though, throwing out one country name after another. Dey either answered “No” or gave strange looks. This went on for a few minutes before I all but cracked.

“Show him” I finally snapped.

Dey raised her arm and flicked her wrist, that amazing spear of hers materializing out of nowhere. I thought Charlie was going to piss himself. He did curse though. He also fell out of his chair. I made a move to help him up but he slid away across the floor.

“No way, no fucking way!”

Finally, he got it.

“Yes, fucking way,” I said, rolling my eyes.

At this point, Dey dropped her hood and took off the sunglasses she was wearing. When she did, those amazing golden eyes of her eyes caught the light and sparkled.

Charlie’s mouth went fishbowl.

He stared for some time. No one said a thing. I couldn’t help but wonder what thoughts were going through his head right now. I was the skeptic but the truth was thrown in my face. I had no reason to doubt it because I’d seen it. I thought maybe visually showing Charlie might help ease things for him. Looking at my friend now though, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He should have been excited---this was the moment he’d been waiting for all his life---and yet, he looked…

“Amazing” he finally said in a low voice.

Ok maybe not.

Charlie finally recovered from his stunned shock. He slowly got to his feet. He approached Dey slowly, raised his hand and poked her cheek. I waited for her to lash out but when she didn’t, I sighed in relief. She did smack his hand away though. Charlie actually giggled. Well, this was going well. He backed away a second later, dropping back into his chair.

“I have so many questions...”

Of course, he did.

“Those can wait, first we...”

He didn’t seem to hear. He quickly launched into his questions, seemingly forgetting I was even here. They started out simple enough---where was she from. Dey told him about Zeeka and The Foundation. Which of course opened up a whole new set of questions. Charlie wasn’t just an alien geek, he was big into astronomy. So many of his next questions were purely science related. Ranging from what galaxy she was from, to how she could breathe oxygen and how she was speaking our language. Honestly, they were pretty smart too because I never really thought to ask those myself.

“Zeeka is on the edge of your galaxy” she explained.

She flicked her wrist, a holographic planet appeared in her palm. It was the coolest thing ever.

“How in the...” asked Charlie, mesmerized. “What is this?”

Dey smiled. “At a young age, every denizen of the Foundation is given an implant. It allows us to do a variety of things. Like summon my Kaagan for instance or bring up this star chart.”

Now that was cool.

“It allows you to speak our language as well?”

Dey smiled then turned to me. “Your friend is very smart, I’m impressed.”

Charlie flushed.

I rolled my eyes.

“What else can it do?” he asked, excitedly on the edge of his seat.

I groaned. This could go on for hours if I didn’t put a stop to it. I also didn’t like the way she was smiling.

"Look we could spend hours here with all your questions” I quickly interfered. “We came here for a reason.”

Dey nodded, Charlie sighed.

“Charlie,” I said, drawing his attention. “We need your help finding a ship.”

Whatever disappointment that he had before melted away quickly. His eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store. He spun around in his chair, cracked his knuckles and opened his laptop. He started typing furiously. I tried to keep track of all the motion on his screen but it was too fast. When he finally stopped, there were several grainy pictures on his screen. Most of them I’d seen at one point or another. They were all the “aliens” he’d been tracking over the years. Most of them were hoaxes even if he didn’t want to admit it. Dey leaned closer too.

“These are...” she said, as he scrolled through one after another. She sighed. “They’re useless.”

Charlie sighed. “What are you looking for?”

She flicked her wrist in front of him.

Once again a holograph appeared. This one was different than before. Instead of the floating planet, there was a sleek black shape of some kind. It looked a bit like an arrowhead but very smooth. The surface of it almost shimmered. She tapped the image with her finger and it changed. The sides of it folded out into wing-like structures and the sleek black surface gave way to one that had a dull shine. There were seams that formed in this metal, clearly indicating a door of some kind.

“This is a Class Z scout ship,” she said, making sure we both got a good look. “Pride of the Quellan Navy. We use these for long ranged interstellar flights. They’re two manned craft. Jellia stole one when she fled. Nalia, Nox and I took ones to pursue her.”

Then that meant there were at least three of these on the planet somewhere.

"Hey Chase” said Charlie after a moment. “Doesn’t that look a bit like a Stealth Bomber?”

Huh.

I squinted at the image again.

The ship was different. It was a lot sleeker and shinier but Charlie did have a point. I could definitely see some similarities between the two.
Well, the original anyway.

“What are you talking about?”

Charlie opened another page on his screen. He quickly typed B-2 and brought up an image. He enlarged it so Dey could take a closer look. Now that I saw it myself, there was very little doubt. The B-2 and Dey’s Class Z were very similar. The Class Z was slimmer though, more streamlined. No doubt designed to navigate space. It was also made from a different material. There was no metal on Earth that could ripple and shine like that. Plus the Class Z had some kind of morphing technology. The way it rippled and transformed like that. We’d never in a million years be able to replicate it.

We clearly tried though.

“Your people stole Quellan technology” she finally sneered.

“I think repurposed might be a better word.”

“This craft,” she asked, still seething. “Where can I find one?”

We both laughed.

She gave us looks.

“We’re not going to be able to get anywhere close to one of those” explained Charlie.

“That won’t be a problem for me.”

I saw that look in her eyes. She wanted to do something crazy.

“Dey, it's a lost cause,” I said, putting my hand on her shoulder. “The B-2 is an older model. We use far advanced craft now. It's clear we used a Quellan design though. It just stands to reason that Jellia is on Earth or was." I turned to my knowledgeable friend. “Charlie, when was the B-2 made?”

He shrugged then quickly typed. “It was shrouded in secrecy for a while but I think 1975.”

75.

That was like forty years ago.

“Time travel, Dey,” I said, turning to her. “You said you hit her ship, is it possible she went forty some odd years into the past?”

She nodded. “Rift technology is still very chaotic. We only use it for long flights. With the damage she sustained, she should have never activated her Rift drive. Especially so close to your planet. I’m no scientist but I’ve flown many Rift capable craft. I know the risks. Jellia was very inexperienced. Not only is it possible but very plausible.’

Charlie squealed.

“AREA 51!” he shouted, jumping to his feet. “I FUCKING KNEW IT!”

I groaned.

I was never going to live this down.

Dey gave him a strange look.

I quickly explained. “About seventy some odd years ago, there was an incident outside a little town called Roswell, in New Mexico. Many locals claimed an alien spacecraft crashed near there. There’s been conspiracies about it for years, including a massive government cover-up. They brought the craft and the alien bodies to a secret government base code-named Area 51.”

"The very same base the B-2 was developed at, Chase!”

I ignored him.

Dey did not. “A Class Z, damaged by the amount of firepower it took, would not have been able to land safely. Especially after going into an emergency Rift jump.”

This time my eyes popped open.

“What are you saying?”

“I think your conspiracy theorists were right.”

“YES!”

Charlie started to do a stupid little dance.

I was flabbergasted.

Roswell wasn’t a hoax.

Oh, God.

“You know what this means, Chase?” she asked, excited too. “We have her!”

“Not that easy...”

I was going to further explain why it wasn’t so easy but I was interrupted by the blaring sound of police sirens.

Author’s note: As I’m sure all of you know, comments are life blood to an author. I’m not begging or demanding, but I certainly would appreciate anything you have to say (or ask). It doesn’t have to be long and involved, just give me your reaction to the story. Thanks in advance...EOF

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Comments

This story is very, very cool

The plot and the characters are very interesting. This is a really fun read.

It makes you think well after reading it.

It's one of those things where you try to figure out what happens next and which actors should play which character.

Love it.

Actors

Enemyoffun's picture

Well I don't know about actors but I do have pictures for a lot of the characters that I use for reference. I also seem to have a thing for redheads... LOL.

Hmmm

Sammi's picture

Mel Gibson and silver foil spring to mind.

Sounds like 'Dreamland' means something totaly different to Charlie.

Tracking devices, surveilance, paranoia.
Or was it Charlie's brother?


"REMEMBER, No matter where you go, There you are."

Sammi xxx

Jake

Enemyoffun's picture

Well he does seem the type to call the police.

Spectacular

Things are really starting to look interesting. I've been a little slower than usual to get into this story, but it's catching my attention. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

Time is the longest distance to your destination.

Thanks :)

Enemyoffun's picture

I'm writing Ch.10 right now. All I can say is that there will action...Chase will be getting an action scene of sorts too :D.

The Spooks

Enemyoffun's picture

They're not here...yet :).

Area 51

WillowD's picture

You've done an excellent joy in tying the legends of area 51 into your story. The story is moving along very well right now.

Area 51

Enemyoffun's picture

I knew I wanted to stick it in there somewhere. Especially where I'm taking this story. The idea of alien tech influencing human evolution.

We Are Finding Out More All The Time

jengrl's picture

about what happened at Roswell and several other crash sites and as has been pointed out in this story , stealth technology and other things like WiFi were reverse engineered from crashed E.T craft . Multiple engineers have stated that the U.S and other countries now have the ability to take E.T home because of the knowledge gained in advanced propulsion systems from these craft . One of the most interesting videos I’ve ever seen is the testimony of Boyd Bushman who worked as an engineer for Lockheed Martin . He showed pictures of an extra terrestrial being while being interviewed shortly before he died. Really interesting stuff! Common sense tells me that it is extremely unlikely that we are alone in the universe just because of the sheer enormity of it . Boyd Bushman said that the being in the picture was from a planet called Zeta Reticuli and I had heard of that name from other sources that were unrelated , so I find it to be very interesting . This story may be fiction, but it really dovetails with some of the information in UFO circles .

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

Opportunity

Enemyoffun's picture

For a while I was struggling with the character of Jellia. I knew I wanted her on Earth and in the past, making it possible for the necklace to end up in possession of the old vendor. The original idea---as some had guessed---was to make the old woman actually Jellia. It sounded good for a while but it didn't really pan out story wise. I mean why would she give away that which she committed treason to steal? So then I came up with the idea that maybe she was in the ship that crashed at Roswell all those years ago.

Though it hasn't been mentioned yet but Quelans look human enough to pass with obvious differences though...webbed appendages for one.

"We Have Her!" - ?

Not sure whether I missed something -- I didn't go back and re-read -- but I can't see where knowing where she was 70 years ago tells them where she is now, assuming Jellia looks human enough to travel. If they dissected her (either because she died during or after the crash landing, or after killing her themselves, if the latter is possible) as an old television show claimed, then this would seem to literally be a dead issue. If she'd been alive and captured, would she really still be there now?

I'm assuming they can't time-travel themselves back close to the time of her arrival, or they'd use that ability now to go back some weeks or months to elude the current search.

Eric

Jellia

Enemyoffun's picture

I think Dey was jumping to conclusions, thinking perhaps there might be a chance that the princess was still alive. Though who's to say what the lifespan of Jellia's species is? They could live longer than humans, maybe even age slower?

Ohhhhh crap

Samantha Heart's picture

Things are about to get VERY sticky for Chase & Dey when the cops showed up it was bound to happen as Charlie was a known associate of Chase & the cabbie probably called the cops. I hope things dont go south for them as an alien story just wontvhold up with the cops they just wont buy it.

Love Samantha Renée Heart.

Charlie

Enemyoffun's picture

Originally I wrote the phone conversation between Chase and Charlie where Charlie tells him the cops were there looking for him. I like how I wrote things here a lot better. The cops will be there in the next chapter :D.

Good story

Alice-s's picture

Enjoying the story. A good bit of sci fi. Sort of reminds me of David Webers Apocalypse Troll. Keep ariting. I want to see where it goes.

Sci-fi

Enemyoffun's picture

I'm not familiar with David Weber. I was partially inspired by Jupiter Ascending movie. I saw it and said to myself, "Wow that kinda sucked. I can do so much better".

Apocalypse Troll

I think this was available in the Baen Free Library for a while. I'm not certain if it still is there, they have had to do some things since Jim Baen died.

Just checked: it isn't. It is $6.99 as an eBook from here.

Apocalypse Troll: I won't spoil the fun, but let's just say it involves a badass woman pilot and some accidental time travel. I loved it.

Penny

Time Travel

Oh please include Time Travel.... Reminds Me of the TV Show "The Twilight Zone"... I loved that Show!....That's something I always wanted to do. ..That and take the lotto numbers with me!...I always get Buzz out reading your stories..Thanks

Time Travel

Enemyoffun's picture

I'm not sure time traveling elements will appear in this story, other than in the things that happened before the story happened. I won't say never though, I'm just not really sure where it would fit.

Oh and speaking of the Twilight Zone, it looks like CBS is doing a remake.

Remakes

FWIW, CW is apparently doing a remake of Roswell.

Jorey
.

Remakes

Enemyoffun's picture

Everyone appears to be remaking things these days. CW is also currently running a remake of Charmed. Its ok. I wouldn't mind seeing what they do with Roswell though. It was a good book series and the original show wasn't too bad.

Who blew the whistle?

Jamie Lee's picture

Are the police there for Chase and Dey or some unrelated event? If they know Chase and Dey are there then only one person knew for sure Chase is there, Charlie's brother. And if Jay didn't make the call then possibly Charlie's phone was being traced.

But the worst part of this story is waiting for the next chapter.

Others have feelings too.

The Police

Enemyoffun's picture

Well its safe to say someone called them and its a pretty good idea who.

Spectacular

I think you're done a great job of balancing the details and action while advancing the plot at a nice pace. As you may have deduced, I LIKE the story.

Story's Pace

Enemyoffun's picture

A part of me feels like its going to slow though. Its one of the reasons I had such a time continuing it going forward. Does any one else feel this story is going too slow. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts?

Chapter 10 ???

Sabrina W's picture

Where is chapter 10 and more? The suspense is there.

Too slow

Please, kind lady, can I have some more? First let me tell you that this story is quite excellent with a LOT of potential. BUT: it's MUCH too slow. An episode per week, maybe 1 in 2 weeks, is manageable (at least for me) in terms of remembering what went on in the last episode. But after 5 months I'd have to reread the last or maybe even 2 episodes to know what's going on again. And if this story isn't continued it'd really be tragic. Now I'm quite sure that it's difficult to fill the "universe" in this story with life, but having to wait more than 5 months for the next episode is just cruel. ,O.O,

This Story

Enemyoffun's picture

That was the problem with it. It was too slow. I've tried to think of ways to make it go faster and every time the only thing I can think of is delete most of the story and start over right before he goes to the Clinic. I wanted this story to be something else, something it didn't turn into. I got myself stuck and I have NO idea how to fix it :(.

actually

It's not as bad as you think. Obviously, Chase needs to be mutated into a woman, and maybe into one of the Princesses. That can explain about the necklace "finding" him.
There's some good thriller/adventure here that could be developed more. I think the story could be as much a police procedural as a sci-fi story.
I hope you do return to it.

Not a slow plot

Podracer's picture

if that is what you mean. Not to me anyway.
It would be inefficient of the Dark Man not to stir up the authorities (and police dad) to not only help search but to obscure his own activities as well. The young adventurers are going to have a hard time cracking a military base, its records and a 70 year mystery. Would a class Z have an ejection / survival system? Did Jelly-belly eventually realise her folly? A rift crash marooning and loss of her goddess could have a profound effect on a world view!

"Reach for the sun."

The Next Chapter

Enemyoffun's picture

I did half the next chapter of this story halfway written before I stopped. I know a lot of people liked this but I felt I screwed up somewhere, a LONG time ago in the story, plot wise, like ch.2 or 3 actually. It nagged at me so much that I just couldn't write anymore. After that, I wanted to do a WHOLE rewrite but to be honest, was just too lazy to do so.

really enjoyed this story,

really enjoyed this story, wish it would have continued

Continuation

Enemyoffun's picture

I can continue it if people really want. I'm not really sure why I stopped. I'm sure I had some stupid reason at the time. There's been a few other unfinished stories I want to tackle as well. Plus I've been seriously considering rewriting one to make it flow better.

Yes

Yes, please continue this excellent stuff. And you don't necessarily have to rewrite an earlier chapter, you might be able to change things again in later chapter (except maybe if you want to resurrect an already dead character, or undo the time travel stuff or similar cardinal stuff).

Absolutely!

Stoney1's picture

Please continue this story when you can. You seem to be a very capable and imaginative writer and storyteller. I believe there is a way to go on from here. Time warps and alternate planes can explain a lot of irregularities in a story line. Even simple misunderstandings can explain a lot. I hope you can find a way, this is a really good story.

Stoney1

FANTASY IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD, BUT THEN SO IS REALITY. SO WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?

Well, here is one reader

Podracer's picture

- who would be right here straight away if any more Spectacular appears. Adventure awaits.

"Reach for the sun."

Royalty

I wonder about her reaction when she figures out Chase is Quelen royalty. Maybe someone in the building is an a doomsday prepper/alien buff and can get them out to his secure bunker in the middle of nowhere.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Chance and Charlie

I need more of them in my life they make me laugh.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Found this story again, it's

Found this story again, it's been a long hiatus since chapter 9, hopefully you come back to this story and continue it, thoroughly enjoyed reading it again.

Chapter 10

Part of chapter 10 is written but I don’t know when EOF will finish it.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Ch.10

Enemyoffun's picture

its not finished and it probably never will be.

what a shame

Easily one of the best fantasies online.

The Story

Enemyoffun's picture

I just couldn't quite figure out how to work it anymore. I felt I screwed it up chapters ago and ever since then, I can't bring myself to write anymore without wanting to go back and rewrite what I think doesn't work.

Hmm, how about writing 2

Hmm, how about writing 2 versions of this story? Complete this version even if it takes a direction you don't want it to go and then write an alternative version with the all the changes you want to have in it. And then let the readers vote which they like better. :-)

Two Versions

Enemyoffun's picture

Too much work but I would consider possibly rewriting the story from where I thought I screwed up.

Rewrite

Call it spectacular rewrite

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna