Previously

“But…” he groped for words “ I hate being in public…”

“I know you do Chandra but this isn’t about your likes and dislikes or mine. You are the right person for the job and I am not giving you the option of turning it down. I need you looking your best for the swearing in ceremony later this afternoon but as of now you are acting Minister.” She rose and crossed over to caress the side of his face. “I love you Chandra and I would not set you a task if I did not have full faith in your ability to do it as well as it can be done. Now come and have some lunch before you go prepare and I will answer your questions as I can.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And Now

“Higalik, respond.” She jerked her mind away from the task at hand to answer the latest demand for her attention.

“What do you want now, father? Can’t you tell I’m busy with this section?”

“Yes daughter, I know you are busy. I also know your brother has been calling you to come in for dinner for nearly an hour now and you are being disrespectful to him by not coming to eat. You are already ahead of schedule on that segment and it will be there once you’ve eaten and slept. Now stow your tools and come inside.”

Higalik thought about disregarding his words for a moment but she realized she really was exhausted and merely sighed while stowing her tools and securing her work area. Once finished she made her slow deliberate way toward the rock her family called home and the increasingly attractive prospect of a meal cooked by her brother. During the long slow drift of the ½ kilometer that separated her workspace from home she ran over the specs for the day’s work in her mind, checking off each task she had completed and verified. Her father was correct, she was nearly a full workday ahead of her schedule for the week even with double and triple checking every step in the process.

She wasn’t competing with anyone else, only with her self-imposed deadlines and she consistently came in under her time target. Her family could supply her with subassemblies faster than she could manage to use them if they worked flat out but they had a sense of each other’s pace and there was usually a 2 day supply ready to go at any point. Their parents used the time to do other essential chores around the habitat but her brother spent most of his free time growing and preparing an amazing variety of foods which made mealtimes one of the true pleasures in the entire family’s day. She was glad her father was there to help her shed her suit and inspect it minutely while cleaning it before charging all consumables to maximum in preparation for the next day.

It would be reinspected before its next use of course, that much was basic safety procedure and something not even a young child would forego unless there was no choice. The relatively fast but painstaking process gave her ample time to savor the aromas of her brother’s cooking and the quick shower only sharpened her anticipation. She could tell that part of it involved fish but that much was almost a given with the limited protein sources available so no surprises there but he did strange and exotic things to the foods he grew or traded for and every meal was a delightful surprise to the senses.

Once they made their way into the dining area the food was already being served and they greeted the night’s guests while taking their seats. Once everyone was served her father signaled for attention by rapping lightly on his glass and rose.

“We welcome travelers and friends to share our bounty and the talents of our chef, my son. Kunik, could you let everyone know what we’re eating tonight?”

Her brother launched into his description of the foods and how he’d prepared them but as usual Higalik’s mind wandered and she found herself contemplating things to come. Within a few weeks it would be time for her to depart for her shipboard posting on an as yet unnamed ship and it was a daunting prospect. She wasn’t worried about her technical skills but living together with that many people was a complete unknown to her. She didn’t have the easy way of communication her brother enjoyed and even though she functioned well as part of a team in that context she had never been very good at making friends.

Kunik had the advantage over her in that way, before the war he’d gone off to culinary school in Valley City with its 20 million inhabitants and gotten more exposure to other people and cultural backgrounds than she had during her own stay in engineering school at Archangelsky University with its population of researchers and students. The isolated university was home to just over 50,000 people at any one time but it was so large that one could literally go for days without seeing another person if they wanted to and all in shirtsleeve comfort in the giant caverns. She missed the University and the student life but even there she had been fairly isolated by the demands of her course of study and the way she pushed herself to complete her degree.

Soon she would embark on a ship that carried over 4 thousand crew and spend months in close quarters with others assembling fighters, bombers and all the various craft that made a carrier into the formidable ship it would be when completed. Her family would remain here building subassemblies for later ships and sending them off to the next habitat for final component assembly while Kunik took students in and taught them the finer points of the culinary arts. The new habitat section for the students and the restaurant they would staff had already been finished before the war but had remained unused until now even though it would likely be by far the most profitable of the family’s business ventures to date.

“Chef Kunik, how did you manage to make this? I know it is fish but the texture and the undertones are earthy and yet still so light I almost expect it to run away from my fork! This is the best thing I’ve tasted in ages!” The older gentleman whose name she hadn’t retained was gesticulating with his silverware as he spoke. “Ilya told me about your cooking when you were in school together but this is so far beyond what I imagined!”

“Your daughter is one of the finest minds I’ve ever met Mr. Zherinski and I am honored to have you both at my table. I must admit I harbored some faint hope that she would survive the recent unpleasantness and perhaps remember who I was one day but to have the whole family here and intact was beyond my dreams! All of you are welcome at my family’s table and in our hearts for as long as you wish to remain and please, I am just Kunik.”

“Then I am just Valery. The welcome you extend to such poor expatriates as ourselves humbles me and on behalf of my family I thank you and your family. I understand you will be opening the hotel and restaurant as soon as the first wave of ships depart, yes?”

Kunik frowned and paused for a moment before replying. “The added rooms are intended as quarters for students who will also staff the restaurant. I wouldn’t know how to run a hotel sir, um Valery… its not something I’d considered. Perhaps at some point in the future, once I have acquired sufficient funding for such a venture, I would be willing to think about collaborating with someone experienced in the field.”

“And what would you say if the funding and expertise became available now?” Valery was leaning forward with eagerness, food almost forgotten.

“I…” Kunik stopped and stared at his plate, eyes flicking up at each of his family members in turn. “I would say I have to examine any such proposal and discuss it with my family. If the proposal was suitable and the family agreed that we all wished to move forward we would most likely accept.”

“Your caution and concern for your family is commendable Kunik. Since this is to be a family decision perhaps we can all discuss the details once we have finished your superb meal, yes?” Valery leaned back into his seat and refocused on the food in front of him, making noises of appreciation as he ate.

The previously quiet conversation became more animated as the night grew older and dish after dish was served to the noisy acclaim of the gathered diners. The other guests got into the conversation and by the time they all sat sipping an after-dinner cordial the mood was quite convivial. The other diners took their leave and departed for their various craft to sleep off the meal before departing the following morning and the two families collaborated to make the cleanup a breeze, settling in at the now-cleared table for discussion.

Higalik watched the conversation and contributed as she was able but the whole thing was at a remove for her in many ways. She would not be present for any of the things they were discussing past the initial construction stages and she would have very little input past the design stage anyway. She saw the interaction between Kunik and Ilya and was sure that they had been far more than friends during his years in Valley City. She was glad for him but wondered why she had never managed to make that sort of connection with anyone.

She gave her assent to the proposal when the details were hammered out and sat there sharing a celebratory drink with the families, now business partners and quickly becoming friends as well. She was preoccupied through a large part of it, musing on what her future might hold. Once the war was finished there was really nothing other than people to tie her to this place and though she loved her family dearly and the prospect of being away for extended periods was daunting she found herself wondering if a naval career might suit her. One thing was certain, there would be navies and the political units which fielded them would ensure a more equal balance of power amongst the various governments by virtue of strong militaries.

She’d shared her thoughts with her family before volunteering and they were lukewarm about the idea, wanting her to come home once the war ended but in the end they did admit that whatever career she chose would be stunted if she remained. They understood her reasons for wanting to volunteer in the first place since they had all done so when the war began but when the selection committees published their results only she had been chosen. It was amazing to think such a small nation could be choosy about whom they accepted to serve but it made sense when everything else was considered. She’d spent quite a great deal of time trying to determine the logic behind the decisions but it finally congealed into an unpleasant truth.

They were essential to continued production and social function while she was… expendable. That didn’t mean her life was without value, far from it. If anything her life was put at a premium by comparison and if spent she had had every confidence the price would be quite dear to an opponent. Once she truly understood she decided that the decision had been correct. She was the one who was best equipped emotionally, by training and inclination and in practically every other way, to go and do what needed doing. Higalik wasn’t sure how she felt about it exactly, it was very strange to think that she might be killing and possibly dying in the not too distant future but for some reason the idea held no particular fear for her. The idea of leaving her family behind to grieve upset her more but even that simply reinforced her determination to give her absolute best at all times.

If her family was to mourn her it would be in a place of honor.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kunik watched his sister during and after the meal and saw how she reacted, or more appropriately didn’t react to the conversation and the changes it heralded. He’d watched her change from the happy younger sister he remembered into the serious and studious workaholic she’d become and hoped that university would help her to open up some. When it came she chose Archangelsky University which was the best university for physics and engineering off of Earth but was also relatively isolated even from the smaller Hale City, much less the metropolis of Valley City he had enjoyed during their time on Mars.

Their parents had shared his hopes but were a little more realistic in their expectations so it was no real surprise to them when she continued as she had before, glued to her lessons and whatever project she was immersed in outside of that. They even realized, more than he had before now, just how much this was a part of her nature and how unlikely it was to change. Still, it felt to Kunik as though he had somehow let his sister down, especially since he was sitting right across the table from the woman he’d fallen in love with then, unexpectedly alive and with her entire family safe as well! He stole another glance at Ilya, their eyes meeting as they had done all evening and he felt again the warmth they shared even without physical contact.

Her father’s proposal was exciting and meant among other things that Ilya and he would have the chance to explore their relationship more deeply since the family would be occupying the space intended for students and staff until their own quarters could be made ready. They’d made light of it in the conversation but it was clear that the small ship had been far too cramped for the length of journey they had undertaken to get here and the family would be truly grateful for the opportunity to have privacy and space again. Kunik wondered again if he should invite Ilya to share his rooms and was still dithering when the two families left the table over the course of a few minutes, leaving just the three of them together.

Kunik tried to divine what he should do, his eyes darting from his sister to Ilya and back, one face almost grim under accustomed expressionlessness, the other calmly waiting, unhurried. His decision was made for him when Ilya rose, leaned over the table and kissed him soundly.

“Take some time, talk to your sister. I need a shower and I will see you when you’re finished, ok?” She straightened up and made her way out of the room, headed for the docking area to retrieve whatever she needed from the family’s ship.

Kunik watched her go, fighting with himself about how he should feel. He was elated that Ilya evidently intended to share his quarters yet felt guilty that his sister had no one to share that part of her emotional life. They’d shared almost everything growing up so he knew his sister was no prude but neither was she one to look for someone else, preferring to spend her time working.

“You don’t have to feel badly for me because you have someone.” Her words broke into his thoughts with her usual incisiveness, straight to the heart of the matter.

“I don’t know quite how to feel. I thought Ilya was dead, killed in the bombardment in Valley City and suddenly here she is with her family and they want to help us build something more than I’d ever considered and she still wants… I don’t know what she wants…” He looked back down at his hands.

Higalik remained silent and allowed him time to work through it for a moment. “The thing is I do feel badly for you… like somehow its my fault that you…” he trailed off again.

“That I’m a workaholic ice queen?” She smiled when his eyes jerked up to her face. “I’m not like you that way, we both know that. You make connections with people easily and I… well, I don’t, as much as I wish I did sometimes. That’s not your fault, not our parents fault. There is no fault in it at all, I’m just different in that way. I want you to be happy and if your happiness lies with Ilya then I am glad for you.”

“I just… feel selfish I guess. You’re getting ready to go away to war and I might never see you again and it doesn’t seem right, that I should have all this and you face that. I know better than to feel guilt over that part, we all volunteered and honestly, what could I offer a warship that someone else could not do better? Including someone like me would be a bad decision as long as there are better choices and not doing everything they could to get you would be a sin of omission.” Kunik ventured a smile of his own.

“I guess its just all really hitting home for me. I grieved for her when Mars was bombarded but it was buried amongst the emotional shock of so many people dying and it just kept going and then Earth and so much more… and then those evil bastards left to try to finish the Hermes. Suddenly there was room to breathe, to think about what I’d lost but I couldn’t…. There wasn’t room in my heart for anyone but the three of you….”

He sighed and wiped a tear from his cheek. “And then I discovered that one little portion, one selfish little portion, of my world was suddenly and inexplicably back and I’m so torn I don’t know whether to laugh or cry because I want to do both. It doesn’t feel right for me to so happy while you …”

Higalik broke in. “I am not unhappy brother. I don’t want you thinking that or feeling that your happiness is somehow at the expense of mine. I might not show my happiness in the same ways that you do but you have to realize that I find different joys in life. You know I would not have stayed here for very long if the war hadn’t come, we talked about this a few months after I got back from Mars and I told you I was considering signing up for one of the exploration ships.”

“I don’t think it ever occurred to me that you were less happy being home…” Kunik wasn’t sure how he should feel about that.

“I’m not unhappy brother, I told you that already.” Higalik paused and thought for a moment. “I love my family and my home, and I will no doubt come to love Ilya and her family but I need more than I can find or have here to be complete. I didn’t fully realize it until I forced myself to sit and seriously think about why all of my ambitions had me going elsewhere. I don’t know what I need yet but there’s no way I’m going to find out sitting here wondering about it, not that I could do that the way things are now anyway.”

Kunik thought about what she’d said for a few moments and realized she was right and more, that he knew it just as surely as she did. “Sometimes I wish I were more like you…” slipped out before he realized it. “I mean…”

“I know what you mean and I understand. Sometimes I wish I were more like you too. If nothing else it’d lower my chances of death from malnutrition…” she laughed and he felt the warmth of it in his bones.

“You know if you ever want to talk, I’m here, right?” Kunik searched his sister’s face for a response and was gratified to see a small smile.

“The same goes for you. Now enough talk, go join Ilya. You two have a lot of catching up to do and I don’t think she’d look kindly on me keeping you from it.” Kunik was surprised when she kissed his cheek lightly and murmured into his ear “Have fun brother…” before vanishing through the entryway with her usual quick, precise steps.

Kunik stared after her for a moment, trying to decide how he felt and unable to decipher the swirl of emotions fighting each other for dominance. With no clear answer in sight he let it go for the moment and rose, increasingly eager as he approached the entry to his rooms knowing Ilya would be there waiting for him and almost breathless with anticipation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ilya exited the refresher with a glide in her step and almost purring with the pleasure of the first real shower she’d had in over 8 months. Sonic showers supposedly got you just as clean but there was nothing that could compare with the sybaritic pleasure of a cubicle pouring needle sprays of water as hot as she could stand it. A soak in a tub might have come close but there wasn’t time for that just now, not if she wanted to give Kunik a proper greeting instead of finding him asleep when she finished.

Her timing proved to be near-perfect as Kunik had just closed the hatch behind himself before turning to see her standing there in the refresher entrance in only a towel. She had to catch herself, she wanted to preen a little when she saw the raw desire smoldering in his eyes and it brought the banked coals of her own passion back to full, roaring flame. Somehow they had met in the middle of the room and his mouth was on hers…

Ilya woke to the sound of soft snores and the light scratching of chest hair against her face, taking a moment to savor the sensations before reluctantly moving to go to the refresher. Examining her reflection as she washed her hands she decided another shower was in order and was about halfway through when the door to the cubicle opened and Kunik joined her. They took the time to enjoy each other as well as the shower and by the time they were toweling each other off hunger made its presence known as her stomach rumbled, causing them both to laugh and focus on getting ready for the day. They both had quite a lot to do getting ready for future work, prepping new hab modules for installation once the design was finalized and making sure production didn’t slack.

Ilya wondered at the improbable stroke of fortune or foresight which had brought them to this point. Her father had gathered the family, even her older sister’s husband and actually tricked them into celebrating aboard his newly reconditioned ship. None of them realized they were underway rather than docked at Phobos Station until their trajectory was established and they were committed, without sufficient fuel to take any other realistic course. There had been screaming and crying and much in the way of recriminations until the sudden bombardment of Mars destroyed nearly everything they had held dear.

It took time to deal with it, to process all of the death and destruction and sometimes Ilya wondered if they truly had, if they weren’t in some odd form of functional denial that allowed them to survive without truly living. Whatever the truth was on that score she was thankful that of all the possible escape routes her father could have chosen this had been the one. He’d never said a word to her about their destination, only that it was in the Saturnian system. It was not until they arrived and she joined the family for the meal after a quick freshening up aboard ship that she saw Kunik’s face and her father’s smirk at her expression of shock.

The lingering gazes between them as they ate left no doubt that the fire between them was as hot as ever and by the time he made his way to what had suddenly become their quarters they were both more than ready to pick up a relationship they never wanted to break off in the first place. Kunik had been gentle as though he was afraid to touch her for fear of causing her pain until she took charge and put an end to any pretense at anything other than passionate, loving and even a little angry lust pent up for years and expressing itself in almost animalistic coupling. They’d both wanted so much to talk after but sleep borne upon the emotional exhaustion of such a long separation claimed them first.

Now they were both awake and alert and for the moment able to refrain from going directly back to bed and the time had come to speak of their future explicitly, not in the assumptions they had used previously. Ilya was just about to bring the topic up when a still naked Kunik turned around to face her and dropped to his knees with a ring box held open in his hand, facing her. Her pulse thundered in her ears such that she could barely hear his words and she had to sit suddenly, her legs having decided they would no longer bear her weight. Fortunately she sat back onto the bed rather than falling and after a moment she was able to hear Kunik’s words of concern. She assured him she was alright and fixed him with a stare, her eyes flicking back and forth between his face and the ring-box.

There were so many things she wanted to say but what came out was “Why now?”

Kunik grasped both her hands in one of his and looked into her eyes. “Because I was too stupid to ask you to marry me back on Mars. I had the ring, everything… but I was afraid. Afraid that your family would not accept a poor homesteader’s son, afraid that I was not good enough for you… afraid that you would say no. I lost my nerve, packed the ring in my things and was lifting for Phobos Station within an hour of the commencement ceremony. I am sorry I hurt you but then I thought it was for the best…”

Ilya was beyond angry at this point and her tone made him wince and lower his gaze. “For the best?! You thought it was for the best!?!?!? Who the fuck do you think you are to tell me what is best for me?! You go and leave me without a word, nothing! All this time I just thought you didn’t want me, didn’t want to be with me…” Anger gave way to tears. “And now this, to find out it wasn’t even that, just you not having enough faith in me to know that I loved you and none of that mattered…”

“I am so sorry Ilya but please try to see it from my perspective. Your parents and their parents are born of money and power. You have never known anything but wealth and privilege and I… I am nothing, a servant to prepare food for such as they, for such as you…” Tears were streaming down his face and despite her hurt and anger she felt her compassion and love grow. “What could I offer to you? My family is poor, we have nothing but this rock we live in and what we can make or grow for ourselves. I could never ask you to leave all of that and come to live with a poor Inuit family in the middle of nowhere so I saved us both the pain that trying and failing would create. You deserved… deserve… better than me but I will not be so stupid as to again miss an opportunity to ask the woman I love to marry me. To forgive me.”

He was so pitiable at the start, talking about how he felt unworthy but as he continued she saw the strength he rarely showed and truly understood that he had taken a path of heartbreak for himself in order to clear the way for her to have the sort of life he thought she should. Ilya reached out and cupped his cheek in her palm, bringing him close to kiss him lightly.

“I want to marry you Kunik. I wanted to marry you then… When you left I thought I had been just a foolish girl and after I cried for a few months I tried to get out there, maybe try to find someone… But none of them were you and I realized that even if I was just a foolish girl I was still in love, heart and soul. I stopped looking, thinking that maybe one day it would stop hurting, that I could move on…” She kissed him again, lingering over the touch for a moment.

“And then everything went to hell and home wasn’t there anymore but somehow Daddy got us out and we were alive and headed for Saturn and none of it mattered anyway because I thought… I don’t even know what I thought really… I slept for most of 2 months because I couldn’t face any of it, couldn’t face that every single person I could think of who wasn’t family was either dead or on the other side of the sun. I faced it finally and decided that I would live for all those who would never have the chance but never, ever, in my wildest dreams did I think that I would find you and find… that I’d been so wrong about everything.”

Their eyes met and held. “I am the one who should be sorry Kunik. I never considered how any of my life would affect you, never understood because I wasn’t raised to regard people in that way… as servants or masters or any of that. To me you were just the dear boy I fell in love with who has grown into the man I am still in love with. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with.”

When they finally did leave their quarters hours later she proudly wore his ring.