Previously

Their eyes met and held. “I am the one who should be sorry Kunik. I never considered how any of my life would affect you, never understood because I wasn’t raised to regard people in that way… as servants or masters or any of that. To me you were just the dear boy I fell in love with who has grown into the man I am still in love with. The man I wish to spend the rest of my life with.”

When they finally did leave their quarters hours later she proudly wore his ring.

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And Now

Ken woke in the shelter he’d rebuilt from the mostly intact remnants of an aircraft hangar. A few miles away there was still ocean but the ice was becoming increasingly difficult to cut through in order to fish and he knew he would have to make the long trek south soon. The preserved food he’d managed to salvage from the wreckage that had been left after the tsunamis destroyed everything wouldn’t last forever and he had no desire to starve to death in a frozen wasteland. He’d often wondered if he was the only human left on earth, as preposterous as the idea seemed. It had been almost a year since everything ended and everything he ever knew was wiped from the face of the world as though it had never existed. He had no idea how he’d survived, waking half drowned in a landscape he didn’t recognize but miraculously unhurt aside from some fairly extreme bruising.

It was a good thing the cold had descended so rapidly after the strikes, the vast numbers of bodies left when the waters receded had frozen and did not present the danger of disease they might have otherwise. Occasionally he would find signs that some scavenger had been worrying at a frozen corpse but lately even that small sign of life had ceased. Fortunately there was no shortage of wood to burn for warmth and he’d been able to salvage enough parts from various mangled vehicles to build himself a respectable traveling rig. An airbase, even one so thoroughly destroyed as this one had been, held a great many treasures for the mechanically resourceful and if Ken was anything it was resourceful. He was really surprised at himself when it came to it, he’d been a fishing bum who tinkered with building monster trucks when he wasn’t working a charter or upgrading his beloved boat(a neverending process according to his partner Matt).

It had taken a great deal of time but he’d had little else to do once he’d scavenged as much food and fuel as he could manage to store and safe. His fishing expeditions gave him more time and lent variety to his diet but he knew that he could not reasonably expect to continue those for long, the ice as far out as 30 miles was already 8 feet thick and growing. He knew the only way to survive was to seek the equatorial belt where it was possible barely habitable conditions persisted and had driven himself to learn in a way that he never had before. It turned out the technical manuals and the other texts that allowed him to understand how they actually applied in the real world were almost as interesting to read as the science fiction that had been his private addiction from childhood.

The result had been almost a year of concentrated study with very few breaks. He had focused on every possible survival method but aware that improvisation often meant survival he read and kept everything he could find, even keeping an antique chest he’d found that had a number of equally antique texts contained therein. Those things had given him primitive methods which meshed well with the more advanced chemistry and technology he had available to outfit the craft that would be his home for the foreseeable future. He had no idea how far south the frozen zone stretched but judging by what he’d seen at this point it was likely he’d have to travel something over four thousand kilometers to reach anyplace he could survive outside without at least light winter clothing.

He’d tried to anticipate possible troubles ahead of time and prepare himself with tools and methods to counter them but he would still be venturing into a complete unknown in just about every way. There was no shortage of light armored vehicles to choose from and he’d assembled a respectable little land-train which should allow him to make up to 200 km of progress per day but he thought 100 was a more realistic goal. He’d considered going over the ice as it would greatly shorten the distances but the train was extremely heavy and the risk of breaking through was too high so the more difficult overland route won out. He’d finally worked the kinks out of the control systems he’d had to kludge together to allow him to maneuver the train since he wasn’t just dragging a series of trailers, each module was independently powered and controlled to make the whole assembly possible to maneuver through what he expected to be some very difficult terrain.

The weakest link he was able to find in the whole assemblage was the track conversions he’d made to the formerly wheeled vehicles and he’d overbuilt those quite heavily, willing to take the weight penalty to avoid potential breakage and retain the ability to convert the vehicles back to a wheeled configuration fairly quickly. Hopefully there would be terrain where that might actually be more efficient but in these frigid conditions tracks were definitely more functional even with the added complexity and possibility of breakdown. One module was dedicated entirely to hauling spares for the track systems and half of another was filled as well. There was enough to rebuild every track system at least twice and he’d deliberately added entire extra vehicles to the train so that he could if needed abandon all but two of the modules and not seriously impact his long term ability to survive and move forward.

He was perfectly aware that he’d never be able to anticipate every eventuality but he’d spent a great deal of time and energy trying to do so and his last defensive preparation had just tested properly. Of all the things he hoped he didn’t have to confront, armed humans trying to cause him harm was at the top of the list but he was a realist and that was a large part of the reason he’d chosen armored vehicles to start with. They gave him significant defensive capability and medium-heavy firepower but he’d enhanced the armor in a few ways that would hopefully make his train near impregnable once it snaked into a circle with the module he occupied tucked inside and still attached. Once in place extra panels deployed and formed a solid wall of slightly overlapping armor to the ground and above the turrets of each module with firing ports that could snap open or closed in a few milliseconds.

It was essentially the old technique of “circling the wagons” with technology used to take it to a new level, becoming a mobile fortress in a way that wagon trains had never been able to do. 3 of the newest M8-B2 Abrams heavy tanks rode on modules he’d converted to flatbeds and reinforced for the duty even though they triggered an uncomfortable claustrophobic feeling when he sat in the cockpit. If the threat was sufficient the tanks were capable of demounting from the modules and sheltering behind them in a hull-down configuration able to pop up just enough to provide direct fire if needed and indirect fire while fully sheltered otherwise. At the absolute worst one of them could serve as an escape vehicle for him and he could control the other 2 remotely from there. There was very little short of another tank like it that could actually kill one of them and they made a decent backup plan for total disaster although if things were ever that desperate it was unlikely he’d be able to find a place he could survive any length of time outside the tank itself.

All of the technical end of things, the construction, the studying… had allowed him to distract himself from a duty he knew he had to carry out. He’d found Matt’s body on one of his scavenging expeditions, torn almost in half from the violence of the waves and had abandoned the expedition so overcome with emotion that he could only manage to wrap his partner’s body in a tarp and bring it back to his base to store him in a smaller building he’d secured. He’d known Matt’s wishes were to be cremated and it was finally time to carry out the promise he’d made so long ago when they were both just gangly boys figuring out their own sexuality in the sun and salt of the LowCountry marshes and such things were unthinkable eventualities discussed with the gravity of youthful love.

He didn’t suppose it mattered anymore that they had never married but neither felt the need and it had not seemed like a ceremony would make any difference in their devotion to each other. They had literally always known each other, even as infants when their mothers were friends and always at each other’s homes sharing the lot of Navy wives through the ages, of husbands being gone for months and years on end, more apart than together even in a loving marriage that lasted, which both of theirs had. Both their fathers had been assigned to the Hermes just before the war and he assumed that ship had met with the same end as the others must have to allow attacks like the orbital bombardment to succeed. In a way, the cremation of Matt’s body would have to stand proxy for the memorialization of all of both their families and that made it so much more significant… and so much worse emotionally.

Still, it had to be done and he set about the preparations, carefully stacking wood he’d selected specifically for this task, the remnants of the Angel Oak which had been the oldest tree known in this area of the world and a minor local celebrity in its own right. It had long ago been given status as a person for legal protective purposes and in using this wood he was also doing his duty for the entire region by honoring its eldest resident. It was the most significant gesture he could think of that even came close to expressing his feelings and yet it was woefully inadequate. This was the task he’d saved for last, to be done the night before leaving because the smoke it generated would be a beacon in the daytime sky and he refused to travel at night if he could avoid it.

By the time he had the wood and kindling arranged the way he wanted it was almost dusk and time for the most difficult thing he’d done since he found himself alive. The incessant heavy labor had greatly enhanced his physical strength in the past year but as he picked up the rolled tarp that contained Matt’s body he found the weight almost too much to bear, staggering through the stinging sharpness of windblown ice to the area prepared. When he entered the shelter of the broken walls that enclosed the ceremonial bier he realized he’d let his hood fall away from his head and cursed himself briefly for the moment of inattention. That was exactly the sort of carelessness that would have him joining Matt in death all too soon but he took the time to carefully unroll his partner’s body from the tarp and arrange him as well as he could before covering him with a white cotton sheet then finally trudging back to his hangar to warm up and prepare.

He forced himself to eat some of the fish stew he’d prepared the night before although he had no real appetite. He carefully stowed everything before extracting an extravagantly bottled bourbon that would have cost a great deal before and was now literally priceless from its protective wrapping and cradling it to him as he went back out, even more heavily dressed than before. He’d set up a shelter that would allow him to sit in relative comfort as he watched the flames and he carefully sat the bottle down, taking a moment to steel himself. He lit the torch he had waiting there and stood just outside the shelter before picking the bottle back up and working the cork out with a pop, taking care to pocket it before going out to the pile with a bottle in one hand and a torch in the other. He carefully walked around the bier pouring out a sip from the bottle onto the wood in each of the four cardinal directions before pouring an additional sip directly onto Matt’s body. He made his way around again, touching the torch to each of the spots he’d doused and causing them to burst into flame.

Flame spread rapidly to the kindling and licked at the large pieces of split oak like a hungry living thing all its own, eager to grow and flower against the harshness of the brutal cold. The old oak resisted for a time but finally caught, springing into a devouring inferno of wood and flesh. Ken sat back in the shelter after standing as close to the fire as he dared for some time drinking steadily from the bottle. He sat there for several more hours, watching as the flame devoured all and collapsed into a pile of charcoal with dim flickers chased around the outside by wind. He’d finished the entire bottle by this time and still didn’t feel drunk until he stood up to make his way back to his hangar and found that the wind gusts made him stagger a little. He sealed it up and began to finally relax a little as the warmth inside seeped into his extremities and he realized just how dangerously chilled he’d gotten. It wasn’t the best thing but this was the last time he expected to have the luxury of a warm, well-fortified space like this and he’d decided ahead of time that he would take as much time as he could to enjoy the space. He wouldn’t leave tomorrow as he had enough experience drinking to know that he wouldn’t be at his best and he needed to be for the trek ahead. There was also a last desperate hope that his funeral rite had been seen by another living human in the area although he was fairly certain he’d have found traces if there had been, he knew he left tracks aplenty although the blowing snow and ice obscured them fairly quickly.

With those thoughts in mind he brought up an old sitcom he’d enjoyed on a tablet and whiled away a few more hours finishing another bottle, this one far less expensive although his taste buds were so numb he barely noticed. He’d scavenged and stored large quantities of high quality booze from wherever he could find it and much larger stocks of lower quality stuff. If he did encounter other people something like that might well make excellent trade goods and if not he’d have as long as the food and booze lasted to cry about it.

He was pondering that eventuality when a rhythmic rapping sounded against the wall of his shelter, one chunk of concrete being smacked into the concrete wall of the hangar from the sound of it. He immediately paused the playback on his tablet and strained to follow the tapping rhythm until it dawned on him that he was hearing Morse code and followed the letters again though the rhythm of them was the first thing most who learned the old cipher memorized. SOS, then a repetition in an old distress signal known amongst a few aficionados, more than a few former or current military and quite a few of their dependents.

Ken’s sobriety was returning with a rush of adrenaline as the implications came home to him. There was someone out there, someone who knew the old code and made themselves known to him in a way that allowed him to make himself ready rather than surprising him. That showed at the very least an abundance of caution although it seemed like a crazy risk to him. Whoever this was had no way of knowing that it was only him in this structure so they were either trying something or were desperate. Now the question was how he should respond. Options flashed through his mind and he knew it was foolish but he’d been so lonely for the past months even a pet would have been a wonderful discovery. He took a moment to don full body armor and thermals before going over to unbar the entry and conceal himself in a corner behind some sheets of armor plate he hadn’t used, weapon at the ready and a few others beside him.

“I can hear you!” he hadn’t talked in so long his voice seemed foreign in his ears. “The door is open! Come in slow with your hands empty!”

A moment later the door swung slowly inward and a stick protruded through the opening with a small scrap of white cloth tied to it. The stick twitched up and down for a moment as if to emphasize its presence before a voice sounded from the other side of the door. “I’m coming in slowly. I have my weapons on me but my hands empty. I’m not leaving my gear!”

The last part of that was said in a tone that sounded almost argumentative and brought Matt back to his mind with a stab of grief. He managed a response through the sudden thickness in his throat. “Alright, come on, slowly!”

The stick moved forward and was followed by a thickly gloved hand and a grunt as its owner shoved against the door. “I don’t think I could do it fast if I tried. This door is heavy! I gotta put this stick down.” With that the stick dropped inside the doorway and the hand withdrew. Further grunting and muffled cursing yielded movement and the opening widened enough to allow a slight figure to slide through with before they leaned back against the door in the other direction, pushing it closed with their full weight and effort. They turned and he still could not see a face, just a cold weather mask set deep inside a parka hood. A hand pointed at the bar lying on the floor, really more of a major structural member than anything else.

“If you want the door barred you’re gonna have to do it yourself. There’s no way I can lift that thing. Mind if I put my pack down?” They shrugged off one of the pack straps and caught the other as the weight swung around front, catching it on one knee and easing the weight down their leg to the floor with obvious effort.

“Ok, move over there.” Matt indicated an empty corner and watched them move before carefully sliding around the wall with his weapon at the ready. He picked up one end of the beam and dragged it into place before lifting that end into the door brackets with one hand, repeating the action on the other side with his eyes glued to the slight figure standing pensively against the opposite wall.

Once the door was barred he relaxed a little, still unsure what to make of this new arrival. He decided he should probably be a little more welcoming than he had been so he lowered his weapon and strode back over to the area he’d set aside as his living space. When he’d assembled the space he’d included a second chair and he gestured toward it as he sat where he had been. “Come on over and take a load off, that pack looks heavy. You hungry?”

It took a moment for them to approach, the weight of their pack dragging them to one side. They finally arrived and sat carefully before responding. “No thanks, I’ve got MRE’s enough. How…” they waved around “How did you find all this? Is there anyone else?”

“I didn’t think so until you showed up. I assume you’re alone?” Ken tried to control his excitement at speaking to another human after so long.

They sagged under the weight of his words. “Fuck…” The quiet expletive hung in the air between them. “Yes, I’m alone. Have been since the strikes hit. I’ve made my way down this far from Truro and haven’t seen a living soul.”

“Nova Scotia? I’m seriously impressed. You know where you are, right? Have you been traveling on foot the whole way?”

“I walked from home to here but I did have to camp for a while before I could make it over the ice to go south. Its… its way worse a little inland, I guess the water took a lot of the debris and bodies with it going back out. I’ve been able to scavenge a lot more than I thought I would for food so I’ve still got about half what I started out with. Lucky thing too or I’d have run out of food a few hundred miles back…” they trailed off as Ken opened the top on the still hot fish stew from earlier and drew in a deep sniff of air.

Ken there listening in growing amazement at the endurance of the newcomer. “You sure you don’t want anything? The stew is pretty decent given what I didn’t have to work with. I’m Ken by the way. You can feel free to take a load off, I will. Clean bowl over there, spoon right beside it. Have as much as you want.” He suited action to words by rising and beginning to shed his outer layers, stacking each item neatly to don them quickly if needed. He sat and picked the bottle back up, then paused for a moment and reached behind himself for 2 tumblers. “Care for some mid-grade bourbon to go with it?” He raised the empty glass with in query.

They’d sat there watching him intently and seemed to be fascinated. They pushed back their hood and gave a quick nod before taking off the facemask and balaklava to reveal a fine boned face and a mass of dark hair which tumbled down almost as far as the chair where they sat. “Oh gods that feels good… “ they scratched their head vigorously for a moment.

Ken watched in fascination as the long parka came off then an artic coverall, then another, then 3 layers of underclothing, each layer progressively lighter. What was left was a pair of heavy piezoelectric powered thermal underwear much like his own but containing a figure which was clearly female with a hard masculine edge. She’d folded and stacked each article in the same way that he had but he noticed the lack of body armor and decided to mention it. “You don’t wear any body armor?”

“Yeah well I’m Canadian, we aren’t quite as gun-happy as you Southernors. Its pretty heavy stuff too and I figured if it came to shooting stealth was my only real option. It kinda looks like you made the opposite decision “ She gestured around at his traveling rig. “Mind you, if I had the skill to do that sort of stuff I might’ve done the same but I don’t. I can make computers do just about anything but that doesn’t count much when there’s nothing to do with them that can make a difference.”

“I tried to think of everything and it sorta got away from me… its why I’m still here… that and the hope that someone else would show up and they would be friendly. You have no idea how glad I am to see another human being…” Ken tried to continue but found that his throat was too tight to form words. He felt tears spilling from the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks and drew a ragged breath. “I’m sorry, you probly think I’m some sort of whacko.”

“I watched your ceremony. Who was he?” She picked up the glass he’d sat down on the floor between them and took a tentative sip, rolling the fiery liquid around on her tongue before swallowing.

Ken had to think for a moment. She’d watched him that long? What should he say? “His name was Matt He was my partner and he died in the strikes along with… well until just few minutes ago I thought everyone else. I was…” How could he tell her what it all meant to him? “ I used the wood from the oldest tree in the region as a way to have a funeral for our parents and everyone… I tried to make it as meaningful as I could even though it was just for me… or so I thought.”

“I... I did something like that with my parents and my sister. We were all in the same house, I don’t know how they died and I didn’t… but they were still there in the remains of the house. It was a few miles away from where it belonged but Daddy built well and it was still intact… they just drowned. By the time I’d found them it was dried up pretty well so I got a few cans of gas, doused the whole house inside and out and set it aflame. I… I couldn’t bring myself to come out of hiding when I saw you yesterday, I was so afraid I’d found some sort of military camp or something and I couldn’t…”

“I understand… I would have done the same but I don’t think I would have been brave enough to approach someone as heavily armed as I am…” Ken trailed off, uncertain what to say.

“Oh I wasn’t. It was only when I watched long enough to realize what was going on that I thought… I thought about how I felt so lonely after and I wanted to help. It still took me a couple of hours to get up the nerve but I remembered my brother taught me that old code so I took a chance.” She stood and went over to the stew pot, lifting the lid and sniffing deeply with appreciation. “Oh wow this smells…. This is the best thing I’ve smelled since…” She fell silent, taking a deep breath and picking up one of the 2 bowls he kept clean and ready.

Ken watched as she ladled the thick chunky stew into her bowl, replaced the lid and sat back down. The smell was getting to him and he’d made plenty of stew so he decided he’d have another helping, sitting back with his bowl and looking over to see her observing him intently. Her gaze made him embarrassed a little and he picked his glass up to take a sip, glad of the burn as it made its way down his throat. “There’s more booze, water and some more glasses over there if you want. The water is safe, I’ve got a triple-filtration rig I use after I distill it a few times. Plenty of everything so eat and drink your fill.”

They watched each other eat until both were scraping spoons along the bowl to get the last bit of liquid. He sighed, full for now, then settled back and refilled both of their glasses with bourbon. As tense as their initial meeting had been, in this short time he felt comfortable with her there and realized just how truly lonely he’d been as he blinked the pricklings of tears away from his eyes.

She took a sip, rolling it around her mouth to catch the flavor before allowing it to trickle down her throat. “I’m Sean.” She said nothing more, waiting for his reply.

“Ken. You said your brother taught you that code. He was military?”

“Navy. He was posted on the Hermes so I guess he’s as dead as everyone else…” She took another sip and turned the tables. “How do you know all this stuff? You some survivalist or something?”

Ken had to think about that one for a moment before he replied. “I suppose I am now. I was just a fishing bum who played around with monster trucks for fun before everything happened. Both our dads were navy, on the Hermes in fact. We were born a few days apart and have literally always been together except for a month or two here and there… I was so lost I think I went a little insane with things but I had lots of time on my hands and I couldn’t make myself leave. Speaking of survivalists, you must be one yourself to be here now. I’m impressed and a little intimidated.”

“My mom was a big outdoors type of person. I learned a lot of stuff just following her around when I was little. I used to like the peace of being out in nature alone… Now it just feels like being alone. Look,” she gestured at him “I went a little nuts too, I think. There’s a little time period before I could leave that is… well I know I ran around and cursed at the universe and cried a lot but I don’t remember much else. Then it was either get my shit together or die and I wanted to live so… here I am.”

“Sounds pretty familiar. Look, I’ve had enough of being alone and I’ve got… well honestly I’ve got enough for myself to live for several years without any effort at all. I’d planned to leave in two days to make sure I was in top shape for traveling.… I had that ceremony because I figured if it did attract any unfriendly attention I’d be gone by the time anyone could get here from any sort of distance and I’ve pretty well searched the immediate area. I haven’t changed my mind about that but you’re welcome to come along. Either way, staying here is probably not a good idea.”

“Ya think? The light reflected off the cloud cover in a big way, far more than I would have expected. I’d be amazed if you couldn’t see it 100 kilometers away, maybe more. You know a land train like that is going to leave a hell of a trail, right?” She’d finished her glass and he refilled both of theirs, clinking the two together before taking a sip and watching as she did the same slow savor she’d done before.

“Well the thing is that I realized anything other than being on foot would leave enough of a trail to make finding me easy for anyone who stumbled across it. That’s why I spent so long building all of this, I wanted to make sure that if anyone unfriendly did find me I’d be prepared to handle whatever it was. One armored vehicle turned into 3, then 10, then it grew to its current size before I got into adding the extra armor and… well if the ice wasn’t getting as thick as it is I might not have actually left, just kept building.” Ken waited for her to call him a fool but she simply sat and waited for him to continue.

“Hopefully we’ll never need any of the armor or weapons or… anything I guess but if it doesn’t work that way I’ve managed to put together enough force to survive.” This time he was the one waiting for her and she drew it out, looking around at the vehicles with a careful eye.

“Mind if I take a look at your control systems? I don’t know enough about the vehicles to really have an opinion but that is entirely within my expertise.”

Ken realized something as he started to reply and had to stop to make sure he had it right before he could continue. “Look, I’m not calling anything mine here. I’m not asking the same of you but if we join forces it is equally ours. Everything, all of the supplies, vehicles, the whole bit. If you’ve got ideas for improving the control systems that’s awesome because I’ve learned most of what I know in the process of putting all this together and I’m sure it can be done better. I just gave myself as many backups and redundancies as possible for everything I could think of that might break or fry or whatever and then I included multiple replacements for all of it.”

Sean seemed a little excited but she too had to think for a moment to consider what Ken had said. A long moment stretched between them as she carefully considered her response. “I’d like to stay another day or two so I can really get into it. Even with the risk it’d be better to get an issue sorted out ahead of time in comfort to have to deal with it out there but the danger might be less than you think. Even the hilly country around here is pretty low so the waves went really far inland, maybe 200 kilometers. That debris field is… I don’t even know how to describe it. Anything that wants to get through that mess will take a while to do it even with serious heavy machinery. I don’t know about inland but its hard to imagine a lot survived in the flood zone…”

“You’ve seen more of it than I have so I don’t see why not if you’re that confident. That’ll give me time for another fishing trip so we can have a little more variety to our diet down the road. Umm… I’ve never had to actually think about this before but do you know how to drive any of this stuff, or use the weapons?”

“I can figure it out. Before all this happened, had you ever been ice-fishing? I could teach you a few tricks with that if you’ll teach me the other stuff…”

“No. Ice isn’t exactly something that happened outside a refrigerator around here. I know a lot about fishing without the ice in the way though and I’ve done ok but I’m sure I could do better. One good thing about all of this, marine life has gotten a massive boost so there’s no shortage of things to catch! I’ve got squid and octopus, all sorts of fish and an amazing amount of seaweed, all of it in both frozen and dehydrated form. Haven’t seen much of the seaweed for a while now though. Shame, some of it is seriously tasty… “ Ken realized he’d wandered off track and brought himself back to the point.

“Look, it might be less risk than I thought but I’d feel really shitty leaving you here by yourself in case something did happen. How about we both take tomorrow to chill and do as little as possible, then we head out the next morning to fish? I had tomorrow planned out as a “Be useless” day anyway because I knew I was going to sit here and drink myself stupid after… After I kept my promise.” Ken could barely finish that last part as tears blurred his vision and he felt them begin to leak from the corners of his eyes and down his cheeks to lose themselves in his scruffy beard.

It was some time before he was able to really have a coherent thought after that but when he did manage to dry his eyes he looked up to see Sean holding his glass out to him, freshly refilled with amber liquid. He accepted with a grateful look and drank greedily, taking half the liquid in a couple of swallows before he sat back to gasp a little with the potency of it burning into his stomach.

“Thank you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know I was going to do that.” He felt embarrassed at the look she gave him, all kindness and understanding.

“I get it. Sometimes I can’t stop myself from crying either and the liquor probably isn’t helping but its ok to let yourself grieve. It’s the only way to move forward and the way things are now… its either move forward or stop moving entirely and I’m not ready to lie down and die yet. You take time when you need to, cry it out, keep going.”

“Yeah… keep going…” Ken was lost for a moment in his thoughts. “Going toward what though? I’ve been sitting here paralyzed for all this time and you’ve been walking, doing something… moving toward something…”

“I didn’t have any choice” Sean interrupted. “I had to move or die, the same thing you were finally facing after preparing as thoroughly as you could imagine. You had a luxury I didn’t, knowledge I don’t. Your situation and mine were almost nothing alike so comparing them, especially as a way to run yourself down… That’s just stupid.”

Sean thought for a moment and added “Besides, with all that you’ve done both our chances of survival are greatly increased. You haven’t been moving in terms of location but you have definitely been making progress toward a well thought out goal. Tell me, did you run yourself down this way, um… before?”

Ken didn’t know how to reply, taking a few long minutes to sip at his drink while the silence stretched between them. “Matt told me I did, yeah. Its just that… I’m never quite good enough, you know? My dad was this naval hero, my mom was this famous doctor… Matt was so far above me mentally I felt stupid by comparison. I’m just bright enough to tinker with a few mechanical things and take people fishing but no more than that. I don’t see it as running myself down, I see it as dealing with reality. I’m not smart, I’m not decisive… I’m none of the things that my family or friends were. If I wound up making things better it was pure coincidence.”

“Wow, that’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve heard in quite a while. All this stuff in here, this stuff you built? I wouldn’t even have the beginnings of a clue how to do that stuff. On top of that you learned about complex feedback limiting control systems and implemented a workable solution for something like this which is… well I’m pretty sure that’s never been done in that way. I think you’re absolutely brilliant.”

Ken felt his face heating and knew his blush showed where the beard didn’t cover. He didn’t know how to reply so he just sat there and sipped at his drink.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you… its just that I see this awesome guy who does stuff I would have expected 10 people to have done and I think that’s pretty special. All I did was survive and keep running, you built something that will mean survival for both of us and possibly for others we meet along the way. More than just survival, you built or brought almost everything needed to restart civilization. You think you’re not decisive and yet you’ve spent almost a year working on a plan that had to have been in your mind from practically the start and you’ve stuck to it despite all the seemingly insurmountable obstacles you’ve had to overcome. All of this entirely on your own and mourning the loss of your world. You are an incredibly strong and resourceful man, Ken, I just wish you knew that.”

She broke off, noticing that he was crying again. On impulse she walked over and hugged him from the side, her arms barely reaching around his shoulders. They could both feel the warmth of the other’s skin against their cheeks and for a very long moment they held that posture until she finally let go and wiped the tears from his cheeks with her fingers.

She sat and refilled both of their glasses, both of them drinking in silence for a minute. “We’re animals Ken, social animals that need touch from other humans. We’ve both been without that for too long and it has driven us a little insane. You know that as much as I do.”

“So what, you’re proposing we sleep together?” Ken’s tone was incredulous.

“Yes. Not in a sexual way although I do find you very attractive… but I very much need to be held and I can tell you do too.” Sean was privately very nervous about that, afraid she might inadvertently reveal her secret but willing to take the risk. After all, if he reacted to her like others had she could at least take her things and leave…

Ken took a very long time to think that over without speaking, making his way through another entire glass of bourbon. When he finally did speak it was a single word. “OK.”

He couldn’t properly admit to himself that he needed touch just as badly as she did but by rationalizing it as helping someone in need he could manage to do it. They mostly drank together in silence afterward with the exception of him helping her to the toilet facilities as they readied for bed. He had lucked out one day and found a king sized mattress and box spring, still shrink wrapped and perfectly dry. He’d used some of the Angel Oak wood to build a beadstead for it, a truly massive thing with huge limbs at each corner propping up a frame draped with a red and gold paisley cloth he’d turned into an extremely heavy quilt that draped all the way down to puddle on the ground all around.

Sean gaped when he pointed it out to her, stunned at how massive it looked. When she peeled aside the opening flap in the drapes to look inside she was greeted with equal splendor. With an entire city to scavenge he had chosen only the best of bedclothes, high thread count cottons, again in a paisley design but this time forest green and metallic silver, so soft to the touch it felt like cloud. When she stripped off the final layer of thermals and was down to bra and panties she climbed inside and under the covers, delighted to discover that there was not only a heated underpad but a heated blanket as well. She was faced away so didn’t notice when he slipped under the covers and got a shock when she discovered he had undressed completely.

He wasn’t being pushy about it but she could feel the fine hairs on his buttcheeks tickling at her own cotton covered rear as they instinctively touched for the sheer comfort of touching and being touched. They lay that way for a time, each of them wanting more but unable to move until she finally decided to take action. She stripped her underwear off and left it atop the covers for easy retrieval, then turned over and carefully tucking herself between her legs snuggled up to his back, uncaring that her breasts were pressing into him.

His response was a sleepy mumble as he pressed himself backward into her embrace and they went off to sleep that way both comforted in a simple and yet elemental level so sorely needed.

When Matt awoke with the usual physical evidence of his need to urinate he was embarrassed to find that his member had ridden up her back and between her cheeks as she was held in his embrace. He quickly rolled over and out of bed, hopping frantically for a moment on the cold floor before he found his slippers and made his hasty way to the toilet facilities. He sat there with his head pounding, on the edge of retching as fluids made their way from both of his other orifices and he shivered violently. He’d experienced hangovers before, some of them pretty severe… but this one was something in a league of its own.

Eventually the smell of the partially digested fish stew overcame his gag reflex inhibition and he made use of the garbage can as well. That only made things worse and for a time he was extremely and loudly vocal about his misery. When he thought he was finally done he began to clean himself up only to have another round of the same but when that was finished he felt somewhat better. He still couldn’t decide if he was sweating or freezing to death or both and the shivering made it difficult for him to manipulate the temperature controls on his makeshift shower stall.

He went from scalding to freezing and finally settled on a temperature that felt as though it was just on the edge of cooking him alive, as hot as he could manage to tolerate. He stood there leaning against the shower wall, letting the warmth ease the ache in his head and soothe the muscles in his back and shoulders, loosening knots caused by his paroxysms of grief the night before.

He didn’t know how to react when Sean joined him moving behind him so that she could reach up and help the water soothe his aches, even rubbing spots on his skull he hadn’t realized were tender with her surprisingly strong fingers. She worked her way down his shoulders, even out onto his arms and them down the broadness of his back, all the way to the very small of his back where she suddenly stopped and turned away from him so that when he returned the favor he was only able to see her from the rear.

He was as gentle and firm as he knew how to be, teasing out knots of tension that had taken up residence long before, painful little kernels that gave up only reluctantly and with much gentle soothing. Despite her small stature relative to his own she was impressively muscled from her journeys and he found himself inexplicably attracted to her. He’d never been attracted to women before, why was this woman causing a reflex that he could no longer blame on a need to urinate? Whatever the reason there it was, traitorously standing proudly away from his groin at full readiness for… what?

Whatever thoughts were running through his mind were abruptly derailed as she turned to face him. Given the difference in their height his gaze naturally travelled downward and he noted a very well formed and he supposed rather attractive pair of breasts. They seemed to be appropriate for her size, whatever that meant. As his eyes moved downward everything else about her screamed female until he reached her groin and noticed a marginally smaller version of his own erection.

Ken’s mind took a short vacation at that moment, unable to properly assimilate what he was seeing. He’d known of transgender people of course, seen plenty of photos, even a fair amount of porn but nothing had prepared him for the reality in front of him and the sudden sexual hunger he felt for her. His image of himself had always been that of a gay man, never having had the slightest interest in women sexually even though he’d tried once or twice just to make sure.

Maybe he was just lonely and sex-starved, maybe there was just enough of the masculine about her to flip the mental switches that signaled arousal but when she tilted her face up to him he couldn’t resist bending down to taste her lips. It was only a brief moment but the tingling he felt ran from his lips all the way to the tips of his toes and caused goosebumps to raise all over his body despite the heated water cascading over them. He noticed a similar reaction from her and tried to withdraw, afraid that he had overstepped, made an unwanted advance.

She made it clear that was not the case by moving closer and rubbing her body on his while reaching up to kiss him with something like animal desperation. He was overcome and responded in kind and for a long time they stood there simply kissing and touching and yes, fondling each other’s genitals. He was amazed to discover as his fingers explored that under her penis was what felt like a vagina and it caused him to falter a moment until she grabbed his hand and guided a finger into the waiting orifice. They explored each other for some time, wordless and barely able to breathe.

Finally she reached around him and turned the water off, allowing it to drip from both of them, taking a moment to wring the excess water out of her luxuriant and now much longer looking hair, resting midway down her buttocks in wet strands. Ken handed her a towel and she used it to gently wipe the moisture from his skin, paying special attention to his genitals and rear. He handed her a towel which she used to wrap her hair then proceeded to return the favor, drying her off and paying especially tender attention to her breasts and nether regions in return.

Once they had both finished drying the other she removed the towel from her hair, allowing it to flow freely down her back as she combed her fingers through it to remove any tangles. The enclosed area which contained the bathroom arrangements and the sleeping area was deliberately kept at skin temperature as Ken hated sleeping in clothing or under heavy blankets so neither of them dressed, each taking a seat facing the other with a low coffee table between them. Rather than venture back out into the cooler area Ken reached under the table and pulled out a tray with a crystal decanter full of amber liquid and 2 rocks glasses of equal quality.

He poured them each a generous 4 fingers of room temperature whiskey before settling back and taking a sip, crossing one knee over the other in an unsuccessful attempt to partially conceal his persistent erection. Sean crossed her legs in a more ladylike fashion and effectively concealed that particular evidence of her own arousal but her erect nipples and puffy aureoles were on full display, distracting Ken in ways he couldn’t understand.

When Sean took a sip a smile crossed her face, chased quickly by a shadow of pain. She took a moment to savor it before taking another and rolling it around her tongue and making sure she got every last note of peat, smoke and barley. It was another moment before she said anything, her tone almost wooden with suppressed emotion. “50 year Ardbeg Kidalton. My father’s favorite dram in all the world and I thought there was none left, that I’d never smell or taste that memory again. I can’t think of anything in all this horrible world that could have any more meaning. Thank you Ken.” By the time she finished speaking the woodenness of her tone had given way to quiet crying.

Ken had no idea how to react but he put his own glass down, took hers from her nearly nerveless fingers and set it aside before reaching under her to pick her up and carry her over to the bed where he lay beside her and held her as she wept for her world. All thought of sex or arousal was gone from his mind, he simply wanted to comfort this woman who suddenly meant so much to him that her unhappiness made his heart want to burst with the pain of it.

After a long time her sobs subsided and she got out of the bed, making her way to the bathroom for a moment before returning to sit where she had before, taking up her glass and gesturing for him to do the same. Before he could say anything she began. “First, I want to thank you. I apparently needed a good cry for a long time and your response was perfect, giving exactly the comfort I needed without attempting to take it any further. You showed that you are a true gentleman.”

“I find myself with an unexpected problem. Maybe a part of it is simply the fact that we are the only two people we can be sure are alive on Earth but I find myself extremely attracted to you. I wanted to make love to you right there in the shower but I couldn’t manage to get past my own self-image and I expect you had a bit of the same issue.” Sean fell silent, waiting for Ken to understand what she meant.

It took a moment but he puzzled part of it out. “So you’re essentially lesbian and I’m a gay man. The whole thing with you having a penis though… That one throws me a bit. Unless I was sadly mistaken it felt like there was another set of equipment going on there too…”

“You were not mistaken. I’m a bit of a unicorn I suppose.” She paused to regard him over the rim of her glass as she sipped.

Ken snorted in amusement. “Unicorns are mythical and I’m pretty damn sure you’re not a myth. What exactly is the deal, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“In scientific terms? I’m what you’d call a fully functional bilateral hermaphrodite although the term “Intersexed” tends to see more use, incorrect though it is in my case. In most intersexed persons one side or the other does not reach full reproductive maturity and in many cases it is both, resulting in an infertile person. I am different in that both sets of organs are fully functional. I can both impregnate another person and bear a child to term myself. My father was the same, although he was considerably larger than I am, tending more toward a masculine appearance and demeanor.”

Ken was astounded. “I’ve never heard of anything like that. I mean yeah, I knew about intersexed people and how in the past they would be arbitrarily assigned to one gender or another at birth, often not successfully… but this… I don’t even know what to say. This is some next step evolutionary stuff here and to think that society mutilated people who may have been whole in both ways… I’m horrified. How did that not happen to your family?”

Sean’s face took on a grim cast as she took a deeper sip than before, swallowing it quickly and breathing out harshly from the vapor. “It did. 3 generations of us were mutilated at birth. My grandmother was the first to escape that fate because she grew up so far away from any doctor that she had already found another like her and they married. They discovered that the trait bred true, my father and his siblings are all the same although their appearance is all over the scale. Two of them went out to space, one of my uncles went to Uranus to work on Hephaestus station and my aunt married a lovely and very wealthy gentleman who lives… lived I suppose… In Valley City on Mars. They have… had… a very lovely and brilliant daughter who inherited the same trait so apparently it is dominant.”

Ken took a moment to digest that. “I wish I knew what to say… it sounds so… so much worse than what it used to mean to simply be gay. You seem... well you seem pretty happy with yourself and well-adjusted and um… comfortable with your body…” He blushed and tried to cover by taking a sip.

She laughed at him and blushed herself. “I don’t know exactly how comfortable with myself I am. I find both men and women attractive but the whole “having a penis” thing tends to turn off guys I might find interesting or attract some real wierdos so I’ve always pretty much thought my best luck at finding someone was to be with another woman…”She took another deep sip. “So I’ve been the femmy dyke with the dick. It hasn’t worked out very well for me.”

Ken was genuinely puzzled. “Are you kidding? You’re one of the most incredible and resourceful people I’ve ever met. I am literally in awe of what you’ve accomplished simply getting here. I mean, I’m gay and I want you, how could any lesbian in her right mind not feel the same way?” He realized what he’d said immediately after it slipped out of his mouth and gulped.

“Please, understand I’m not trying to be creepy or even come on to you but... I’m pretty freaked out right now by the fact that I find you attractive when you are so… so… female…” He trailed off into silence, staring into his now empty glass.

Sean gently reached over, took his glass from him and refilled it along with her own before handing it back. “I find you incredibly attractive Ken, and not just physically. Physically you are very much a prime specimen of the male of the species and yet I see this other part of you that is as soft, as female if you will… as the rest of you is hard. Its almost like you’re the other side of my coin in some strange way.”

“Now that you put it that way…” Ken took another sip “I realize that I feel the same way about you. I’ve always seen beauty I women but it never really registered on a sexual level, I think because Matt and I have… had… been in love since before either of us could remember and thee was just never room for anyone else. I honestly don’t know if I’m even attracted to your body or just the one part of it… OK, two if you count your penis. He said that last part with a straight face and it took a moment for it to register.

“And the first part would be?” She demanded archly.

He chuckled at having gotten a rise out of her. “Well it’s a twofer actually… your stunning intelligence and your absolute determination to survive. I think that’s a pretty great place to start and I’d like to be able to think of you as a friend and ally. Now if you happened to want to try a sexual component to that relationship I don’t think I’d be opposed but no pressure, ok?”

“You don’t find my body different, strange? I realize I’m not what you’re used to…” Sean was looking down, unsure if she wanted to try pushing forward if she made him uncomfortable.

“Both of those things, yes. “ He leaned forward to look into her eyes. But that only makes me want to explore with you and find out how we can make things work…” he looked down “I’m sorry, I’m being too direct. I’ve never been very good at talking about this sort of thing because I never needed to… Matt was always the one who took the lead in that way.”

“Then we both have to learn together I expect, if you want to try. I don’t want to push you into anything but I don’t feel like very much pushing would be required…” she arched an eyebrow at him and smiled a slow, lazy smile with an almost predatory gleam in her eyes.

They sat there and drank, light banter laced with innuendo and outright sexual promise until they retired to the huge bed, closing the curtains and spending a very long time discovering new things about each other and about themselves. When sleep finally did come they lay entangled in each other without energy to even move into more comfortable positions.