“Oh, you want to tie me up, make me a damsel in distress. Do you.” I say grinning.

This is the story of Penny. A closet Transwoman thrust into the outside world 24-7 when she would rather go and hide away. Perhaps the title should be Welcome to Penny’s Paranoid World…

Sorry for the delay, a bad back has made sitting and writing difficult. Also I have just realised that this chapter it is getting on a bit and near too two chapter lengths, so this is now the penultimate chapter, hopefully the last will be in a week or so. Sophie.

From part Twenty One
The outside wicker table was already laid for three. I had been expected. We had a lunch of boiled potatoes, cold cooked runner beans and thick slices of cold chicken.
“I may have done something incredibly stupid.” I said quietly.
They both smiled reassuringly at me, both saying almost in unison. “I’m sure not.”
“Yes, I think so.” I fished the buff envelope out of my handbag and handed it over to Trish who was nearest to me.
I dropped Lizzy and Eve off at brownies. Despite their attempts to get Em to join them, she stayed resolutely in the car determined to go to the supermarket, shopping with me.
And now as they say, read on…

We got back just as the Brownies were leaving the church hall. There was a brief argument in the back as Emily refused to give up her door seat. Having locked the door and refusing to open it for Lizzy. I had to tell Lizzy to go back onto the path and get in there. Forcing a reluctantly Eve to move to the centre spot on the rear seat to let her in. I had to suppress a smile. Emily was starting to stand up for herself which was a good thing. I should have told her to let Lizzy in, but Lizzy was not in danger, so I could let some one-upmanship on Em’s part take place between them.

There was an empty space in front of the fish and chip shop, so I pulled in quick taking the prized spot before someone else got in there before me. Taking the key fob with me, I nipped out to get our main meal. It was going to be a bit late today, but we had sandwiches at teatime to keep everyone going. Tonight it was going to be a fish and chip supper out on the patio which I knew everyone would enjoy.

Emily hopped out as well to help me and we went into the chip shop together with me pretending not to notice Em a step behind me turning her head back to her sisters and putting a hand to her nose and wriggling her fingers at them.

Coming back outside Eve had moved over by the door clearly intent on payback and make Em beg to be let back in. To stop the argument that was about to happen I opened the front passenger door and had Emily climb in holding the carrier bag with the nosh in. Leaning in I fastened the seat belt on her to make sure she was secure, amid cries of “Mum, that’s not fair” from the twins who were just realising helping mum with the food got you a ride in the front seat. A prized position not normally allowed. Strictly speaking Em should not be sat there, she is too young to travel in the front seat yet. But we are only going two miles and it saves an argument over who sits where. But I am really just giving myself a headache for the next time we have fish and chips, as all three will want to come inside with me to try and carry our food and be allowed in the front seat.

For this time of year the weather is quite mild. At half term a couple of weeks away, the weather man was saying Europe should be having a minor heatwave. But for now we find John has fired up the two patio heaters he had moved over by my picnic table he and Johnny had brought up for me from my old home to join my café table and chairs already on the patio. So it was quite nice sitting there. John and me on one bench seat with the girls on the other side on the other.

It was nice seeing the girls laughing and having fun at having a late supper outside way past their normal bedtime. The two large battered cod provided enough fish for our meal. John and I shared one, while the girls had the second between them. The large single portion of chips was more than enough for all of us, including the ones John kept feeding to Nelson laid down on the patio the other side of him. Mind you since Henry was on the table tucking into his own little plate of cod minus the batter. I was very kindly eating that for him. I had long found it was better to give him his own plate of cod, or I would be constantly pushing his nose away from him trying to help himself from my plate.

I really am going to have to start walking the mile between Evie’s and my farmhouses at this rate.

When the girls were settled in bed and John and I were sitting together on the big sofa in the sitting room with a late night glass of wine. I broached the subject of the envelope I had received in the post, getting it out of my handbag.

“This came today. I changed my passport.”

I handed him the envelope.

“Oh,” he said putting his wine glass down and taking it from me, tipping the burgundy red passport out of it onto his hand.

He opened it and I thought I saw a slight smile as he read the name and said it quietly. “Suzanne Penny Farmer.”

He turned and faced me. “Are you sure? Really sure?”

“Yes. I still have Penny in my name.” I hesitated, “I, I can’t explain why, but when you call me Suzy when you forget. It somehow feels right. That, this is how it’s meant to be. I can’t explain it any better than that. But that’s how it seems.”

He is smiling that warm smile of his. Me, I know I have a nervous anxious smile on my face. “And…” I add. “I didn’t want to have a different surname to the girls when I went to the school on school nights… and you keep calling me Suzy, anyway.” I added ruefully as I hesitantly touch his face. “I know you’re not doing it on purpose. But the girls hear and I don’t want to confuse them with two names.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault that Susan and I look like twins. It must be very strange for you. Us both so looking alike.”

John looked at me ruefully, “I do try, but it comes out without thinking. Most of the time I only realise I’ve done it when I think about it later on. And I guess that the two of you have sort of merged into one person for me. Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I lean in and kiss him.

John put down the passport, and reached over and pulled me round to him till my feet are up on the sofa and I have to kick off my heels as I end up laid back in his arms with his left arm round my shoulders.

“Well, that just happens to…” He stops, realising something. “Suzanne or Suzy?”

“Suzanne officially, but Suzy for everyday use. I don’t want to steal Susan’s name from her.”

John shook his head. “No, you couldn’t do that. I think up their wherever she is. Our being together is her doing.” Then he laughed,

“When we are dead and gone we will be like that old Rex Harrison film. I’ll be sitting on a bridge with my two wives either side of me ganging up on me.”

“Hmm, Blithe Spirit. Double trouble, you will have to be careful then, won’t you, or we might push you in.”

He chuckled, “In that case I’ll pull you both in with me.”

Then he bent his head down and kissed me, and I kissed him back. When we came back up for a breather.

“Now, what had I been going to say… oh yes - your passport has come just at the right time.”

He held up my new passport. “I knew you had one somewhere, but just not where it was. It’s half-term in a couple of weeks and I usually take the girls out to the villa with Mum and Trish. They come to help look after the girls and plot whatever new thing they are up to. Dad stays here to keep things running.”

He grinned to himself. “Dad has to be surgically removed from the farm for mum to get him to take a holiday.”

“You have a villa hidden away somewhere? I said half joking. “Tell me more. I knew there was a reason I fell for you.”

“Well, it’s mum and dads, really. It was Gran and Grandad Walker’s, mums parents. They decided to retire to the sun and built a villa in Torralta, near Portimao on the Algarve. A four minute walk from the beach. When I was a kid you could see the sand dunes and sea from the patio, now all you see are high rise hotels.”

He gave me a hug. “Anyway, when Gran and Grandad past, it became mums and we use it for family holidays and rent it out the rest of the time. Maria, a local taxi driver looks after it for us when we are not there.”

British Airways has fallen a great deal in my estimation. Once they use to boast they were the world’s favourite airline. And they were, but now they have gone all no frills budget airline on their short haul flights. The two hour fifty-five minute flight to Faro is short haul as far as BA are concerned, which means no free meals and so on. Food if you want to pay their prices, are sandwiches from Marks & Spencers. Not impressed. Nor am I by the pack em’ in seating in the airbus A320 we have been flying in.

I bought snacks in the airside lounge for us, but god am I ready to get off and have a proper cup of tea. Emily sat beside me is quite happy though. Having spent most of the time looking out of the window and dipping into the sweets in my handbag. The twins are across the aisle on the starboard side. I had a feeling they might want to sit by themselves. They are very independent girls so long as they are together.

So I made up a bag of goodies for them too, despite the high prices in the airside shop. I was sure the on board prices would be more. They have been sat with a girl a year or so older than them and they have been getting on like a house on fire. Swapping the window seat between themselves as they felt like it.

It turns out her parents are in the row behind them and are staying close to us in one of the high rise hotels that block the villas view of the sea. Funny how small a world it can be at times. So I guess Tiffany will be spending some time with us this week. That is not a problem, she is an only child and I think her parents will be glad of the chance of a peaceful half-term holiday for themselves for once. I told them Tiffany is welcome to come and spend time with the twins at any time.

Evie and Trish have disappeared somewhere down the back of the plane, I think they are also relishing the chance of not having to keep an eye on the girls. I know they have brought the girls out to the villa every summer while John and Johnny get on with the farm work. Anyway I have not seen them since boarding.

At last we are arriving at Faro. We started letting down a while ago. The seat belt signs are on. I was tempted to lean past Em to watch the flaps come down, but instead told her what was about to happen and she has sat nose to the window excitedly telling me every stage of their deployment. Now she is watching for the runway to appear under the wings. It will not be long now, we have already left land and had the wing dip down as we curve around to the left as we turn from heading south to come in from the west as we line up for runway ten.

The ailerons are getting a bit of a work out, so it’s windy out there, we might be in for a bumpy landing. Then the black of the runway flashes under us and the main wheels clunk down in a heavy landing that firmly puts us back on terra firma.

Tiffany’s mum and dad, Alice and Guy Paterson seem a nice couple. John has arrange for us to be picked up by a Maria in her mini-bus, and has offered the Paterson’s a lift as well. Since according to him they are going somewhere quite close to us.

Maria of course knows everyone in the Farmer family, including me. Well, Susan really. Having been taking them to and fro from the villa and Faro Airport for years. So it is a bit strange for me being hugged by Maria as a long lost friend, along with much making of the cross by her prising the lord for my safe deliverance from illness.

Seeing Tiffany’s parents watching this. Evie tells them I have been seriously ill in hospital and have only just recovered. Now they are worried about imposing Tiffany on me by letting her come over to spend time with the girls. I reassure them I’m fine now and there is no problem Tiffany coming over. I invite them to lunch on Monday as well and Evie gives them the villas phone number.

Almost at the villa now, I think. We have just past a small airfield. I got a quick glimpse of a long runway and a couple of parked parachute drop planes. A Dornier Do-28D, a strange looking airplane, a boxy high winged twin that has two low stub wings forward with the engines stuck on them. Made for the Germany air force originally. They make great planes for the mentally insane who want to jump out of perfectly good aircraft while still in the air. Behind it was a stone age Antonov biplane, an AN2 sporting a camouflage paint job and a massive big radial engine on the nose in front of the high up bird cage cockpit and its round porthole style windows down the side. I briefly see the long yellow nose of the world’s supreme STOL aircraft, the Pilatus Porter PC6 poking out from behind the Antonov before my view is obstructed by a low roadside building with the dark glass of air traffic control on top.

Six minutes later we are dropping the Paterson’s off at their hotel which turns out to be a five minute walk back up the road to us. That will make the twins happy.

We back track the short distance up the road before turning right up a rising lane, then turn right again along a short road with a couple of villas backing on to it so they can face towards the sea, before driving between white garden walls into a large walled courtyard. There is a double garage on the left. A wall on our right goes from the outside garden wall to the side of the single story flat roofed villa. We pile out and John pays Maria as the girls tow me down a path that curves round to the front door. Like home, it has a keypad to un-lock the door and the girls have it open and are excitedly tugging me inside.

We are in a hallway with a staircase going up on the left.

“That goes up to the roof,” Lizzy tells me seeing me look up at it. I nod smiling to her.

“That goes into the kitchen.” Eve tells me, keen to carry on with my guided tour, waving to the open door beside the stairs revealing a long U-shaped kitchen beyond.

“And that’s the loo.” Adds Em, determined not to be left out, pointing to a door over on the right.

We carry on under a flat arch as the hallway continues with a wide hallway with a large archway on the left showing a dining room and a glimpse of a sofa further down. John has shown me pictures and a plan of the villa, but I am not going to spoil the girl’s fun in showing me around. Ahead of us a wide floor to ceiling window shows a sun drenched patio and pool outside.

We go round the corner to find doors either side.

“That’s Gran and Grandads room.” Eve tells me touching the door on the left.

“And that’s the guest bedroom. Lizzy adds, pointing to the one on the right. “Aunty Trish and Uncle M, stay their when they come with us.”

At the end of the corridor two more doors face us along with another floor to ceiling window on the left that looks out onto the patio and pool. On the right there is another floor to ceiling window, this time with frosted glass that must have the garage courtyard on the other side.

“That’s you and daddy.” Says Eve pointing to the first of the doors.

“And this is Us.” Quickly adds Em, beating Lizzy who is opening their bedroom door.

The girl’s room has three beds in an L shape against two walls. A floor to ceiling window on the third shows grass and two gleaming white garden walls in the late afternoon sun.

“This is our bathroom.” Em tells me opening the door and all three escort me in there to see they each have their own sink, which they each proudly show me, but they have to share the one bath and separate shower cube between them.

“Here.”

Trish holds out a cup to me, which I gratefully accept.

The girls had taken me up on the flat roof terrace, shown me the sun loungers and table with the umbrella in the middle up there. Pointed out everything possible for me to see from there. Before taking me down the outside staircase to the garden and patio where Eve demonstrated an old wooded swing they had hanging from a tree. While Lizzy and Em have me sit with them on a more modern three seat garden metal swing hammock on the edge of the patio. Lizzy tells me Grandma and Auntie Trish bring them here every summer while Daddy and Grandad do stuff on the farm. Em tells me she jumped off the diving board into the kidney shaped swimming pool last summer.

I sink back into the long L shaped sofa. The girls have gone off to their bedroom with glasses of orange and a plate of snacks. Evie and Trish had hustled me out of the kitchen when I tried to help them. They will take care of the tea making themselves they said. I need to go and have a rest they say.

I must admit I am tired, but everyone is after travelling.

“Where’s John?”

Evie smiles as she sits next to me. “Oh, he’ll be in the garage checking out the van.”

I get up. “I’ll take him a cuppa.”

Trish as if reading my mind comes from the kitchen and hands me a tray with two cups and some biscuits on it.

Trish grins. “There for John, not you.”

“Oh that’s cruel. They are my favourites.”

The biscuits are M&S butter biscuits, my absolute favourites. Except I cannot eat them and drink tea at the same time as I like my tea sweetened, and the sugar in the biscuits kills the sweet taste of the tea.

“There’s a cup for you, too.” She takes my half-drunk cup from me.

“I see. Ta.” I say taking the tray.

As I head out into the hall I can hear them tittering behind me as they call out. “If you are not back in an hour, shall we send out a rescue party, or shall we wait another hour or two longer?

Their like a pair of school girls. “Don’t bother.” I call back to more giggles and merriment.

The double garage door is up. The short bonnet of a minivan is up, although the top half of John’s body is stuck in the front passenger compartment of the minivan.

“Something wrong?”

John stands up.

“Nope. Arr lovely, a cuppa.” He says spotting the tea cups. “No. just checking the oil.”

“Under the driving seat? Have you lost the engine?” I say a little sarcastically.

“Yep.” He says grinning at me. “Butter biscuits. Love them.” He adds taking three.

Hmm. I thought the girls were sneaking the odd one or two out of the biscuit barrel in the kitchen. Seems they are innocent. I’m glad now I did not ask them if one of them was the guilty party, although I thought it was one or all of them. I am going to have to find a hiding place for a spare packet.

“So that’s where the engine is, is it?” I say pointing to the front seats, “under the driver’s seat.”

“Yep, it’s a Toyota Previa. Has eight seats. So can fit everyone in when we have a full house.”

I nod. He continues. “Because we keep it here and only we use it. We don’t let anyone renting the villa use it, apart from Trish and Malcom that is. So it’s hardly done any miles at all. It is really still like new even though it’s from the nineties. Dad bought it when I was fifteen from a local dealer, here.”

John patted it affectionately. “Twenty-two years old and she is only just short of six thousand miles on the clock.”

I get shown the little engine flap under the driver’s seat, which I am not really bothered about seeing. But having a husband who loves all things mechanical. One must show willing and be the good wife. Positively a husband wife thing, I think. Except, I remember feeling a little uncomfortable because we are not, as yet, married. I am still just an imposter. But that is my fault. I have not let him make love too me yet, or rather he has not tried to yet.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Mmm, sorry.”

He is looking at me, kindly. Waiting.

“Sorry. I was just thinking we haven’t done it yet, have we.”

Aarrr. My hand flies to my mouth. Sugar. What did I just say.
John smiles and pulls a dastardly smug Victorian face while twiddling an imaginary moustache.

“Well my dear, I was thinking. Yes, I was thinking... with all this Sun, Sea, and Wine flowing. I might tie you to the bed tonight and have my wicked way with you.”

“Oh, you want to tie me up, make me a damsel in distress. Do you.” I say grinning.

“And have my wicked way with you. Don’t forget that. That’s the best part.”

“Could be arranged,” I say. “Just remember which room I’m in. Malcom will be very cross with you if you tie up and ravage Trish.” Then I add pouting. “Besides, she’s too old for you, anyway.”

John laughs. “And I think my mother would have something to say about it, as well.” He puts his cup back on the tray I am still holding.

“Anyway,” he says getting in and powering down the window. “I’ve got to go out to give the old girl a test drive to check everything is still working before I let you all lose in her. Want to come.”

“Oh, ok. Let me just tak…”

“Can we come too?”

To be continued in… The final chapter