“I cannot let an Englishman, out do a Frenchman, now can I.”
He took my hand gently by the finger tips and lifting them up to his lips kissed my fingertips, then my knuckles, followed by the top of my hand, and my wrist, taking my elbow he raised my arm to kiss my forearm. I giggled as he raised my hand up so he could kiss under my forearm and then the side of my elbow.

This is the story of Penny. A closet Transwoman thrust into the outside world 24-7 when she would rather go and hide away. Perhaps the title should be Welcome to Penny’s Paranoid World…

From part eight
He reaches out with both hands and takes mine in them before raising it up to his lips and gently kissing my hand, before moving in to do the cheek to cheek air kiss thing. But he gently grazes my cheeks with his for the briefest of moments. My heart thumps and for a moment I half think if he lead me upstairs right this moment, I would let him pull me all up there with a silly grin on my face.
“As you can see, Alec is our ladies man.”
Jenni adds, “He charms the birds out of their trees, and then out of their knickers. Watch out, Penny.”
I turn to her grinning and totally miss whatever it was that Malcom was saying.

And now as they say, read on…

I moved over to Jenni and smiled.
“He’s a charmer. I don’t think I’ve ever had my hand kissed before.”

Paul with a twinkle in his eye grins at Jenni and sweeps past her to be by my side in an overly romantic manner. He looked into my eyes, a smile on his lips.

“I cannot let an Englishman, out do a Frenchman, now can I.”

He took my hand gently by the finger tips and lifting them up to his lips kissed my fingertips, then my knuckles, followed by the top of my hand, and my wrist, taking my elbow he raised my arm to kiss my forearm. I giggled as he raised my hand up so he could kiss under my forearm and then the side of my elbow.

Laughing I pulled away my arm. “Is he as good a lover as he is as a kisser, Jenni?” I giggled.

Jenni opened her hands and pulled a face as if to say, Well!

“Why Madam. You doubt me” Paul had turned to her and taking her hand did the same, kissing her fingers, hand, and onward up to the top of her arm and along her shoulder. Then he moved to her neck and cheek, kissing them both, before settling on her lips as both he and Jenni tried not to laugh and giggle.

As they parted Ann smiled and looked over to me. “Well, now the children have stopped playing.” But she was trying not to laugh. She tells me how lovely my dress is, and how well it shows off my figure, adding with a sly grin.

“I bet all the young farmers are chasing you. You must be exhausted from all that running.”

Trish was trying not to laugh as I went red wishing I had never worn this dress now.

Then Trish added mischievously. “Well, I know there is one farmer who is pretty keen on dancing the night away with her.”

The only person not laughing or smiling at my embarrassment was Alec, who looked a little put out. He started to move over to my side and was just opening his mouth to speak when my mobile started playing the Dr Who theme.

“Oh… Sorry, I thought I had turned it to silent.” I said to Trish and Malcom. Trish still grinning murmured “No worries,” and Malcom smiled saying. “You better check who it is, Penny.”

“Yes.” I fumbled getting it from my little chain purse to see my sisters face on the screen.

“It’s my sister Carol, she lives in America. Yes I better answer or she will think something’s dreadful has happened to us both and the next thing we hear will be sirens and see blue flashing lights as she sends in the emergency services. If you’ll excuse me, I won’t be a moment.”

I could see one of the row of French windows was open and headed around a sofa for it. I smiled at everyone a I slipped through to the patio outside to answer the call before it went to voice mail.

As I went through the French windows I had heard Alec saying, “She’s a bit of a ditz, isn’t she, but lovely, don’t you think…” I missed the rest thank goodness. I had cooled on him anyway. It struck me he was pretty vain.

“Hi, sis.”

I moved away from open French windows further down the patio that ran the whole length of the back of the house with some steamer chairs and tables spread about under those wind out striped shop style awnings. The house reminded me of the French Riviera.

“Paul?”

“Yes.”

“What’s wrong with your voice, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m at a dinner party, I’ve just come out onto the patio to take your call.”

“Oh… yes... I called home and it went to the machine. I just wanted to check you and mom were okay.”

I was about to reply when.

“You said you were at a party! Where’s mother.”

She has gone all English voice on me. I was in trouble. Her boys told me when they were young that their mom always went all English on them when they were in Big Trouble, otherwise she was a normal America mom to them.

“She’s with Evie, I’m just a minute’s drive away up the road, if there’s a problem. But she’s okay with Evie.”

“Who’s Evie, and why are you trying to talk like a girl.”

I sighed. I knew this moment would come. I had just been putting it off. That was all.

“Evie and her husband have the farm up the road. And, I’ve… I’ve swapped sides, if you know what I mean. I’m Penny, now.”

There, done it. Said it. Problem is Carol does not want to know about Penny. She likes having an older brother, she says. Even though I am actually three years younger than her. I waited, the silence seemed to go on forever.

Her voice was full of concern when she came back.

“Paul, you need to be careful. I mean. Really, really, careful. Guys like that get beat-up all the time and even get murdered by men who think they have been tricked by them… Wait a minute! Did you said you’re at a party? Please to god don’t tell me you’ve let some guy think you are a girl and take you to a party with him, have you.”

I can hear the panic in her voice, now. But all I can think of is her saying ‘GUYS like that’, and still calling me Paul. It hurts.

“No. I said I was at a dinner party, long dresses and all that. I’m at a friend’s house, Trish and her husband, Malcom, who is a surgeon. Look, we are about to go into dinner. I better go.”

“Paul, be careful, won’t you. The world and people in it are not as nice as you think they are.”

“This isn’t America, Carol. People can still be nasty here, but it isn’t as bad as it is over there. Anyway got to go. Bye sis.””

“Kay, take care… call me.”

It sounded as if she was going to say more, but did not. I ended the call. Well, that blew the wind out of my sails.

Melissa had come out of a door down at the end of the house and was watching me. Seeing the call end, she waves and comes to me doing an over the top model walk very pleased with herself.

“Hi there. Trish asked me to come and let you know dinner is ready. She didn’t want to rush you, but… “

She let it hang, I nodded. “…but we need to take our places or the food will spoil.”

“Yeah.” Melissa nodded back, head on one side. “You okay.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Had to tell my sister. She’s not a big fan of Penny.”

“Give her time. I think you are going to be a farmer’s wife anyway. She’ll change her mind when she comes to the wedding.”

I laugh a little embarrassed. “I think he’ll run a mile when he finds out.”

Melissa gently bumps shoulders with me. “I wouldn’t bank on it. Men go goo-gar when dating a women with long blonde hair who look

like an ex-models.”

“Don’t be silly. I don’t look like that.”

Melissa bumps shoulders again, harder, grinning. “Hey! You dissing my hairdressing skills.”

So I add. “Oh, so it’s all your fault, is it.”

She moves away turning back to me grinning. “Any way. Foods ready.”

She turns and goes back down the patio with her hand on hip walking like a 1950s model. When she gets down to the kitchen door she looks over her shoulder seductively at me, flicks her hair and flounces back inside.

I sigh, smiling. And go back inside. Trish looks up and comes over looking a little worried. “You ok, you look a little pale. Everything alright.” She asks me quietly.

I nod. “Yes, I’m ok. I had to tell Carol. I knew I had to tell her sometime.”

Jenni joins us. “You are ok, Penny? You are very pale, yes?”

I nod I am, okay, that is. It is funny in a sad way. While Carol went through teenage hood in flat heels and knee length skirts with the determination from the age of eight to be a nurse. I secretly wanted to be an airhostess waltzing up and down the aisle dishing out drinks and meals in a cute dress and hat and heels looking fab. If the two of us had both been born girls, I would have been the one causing our parents to pull their hair out, as I would have been the one in a mini that ended an inch below my bum and flashing my cleavage the second mother nature gave me some to flash.

I would have been a party animal as well. Instead I became a wallflower hiding in the shadows with a girl raging inside me to be the life and sole of the party. When I was a teen I started sneaking away pairs of my mother’s high-heels when I could, and found I was like a duck to water when it came to wearing them. It was a case of the higher the better for me. Carol on the other hand was taking her life in her hands wearing anything over an inch and a half and was liable to break an ankle if she wore kitten heels.

I am seated in the same place I was at Evie’s with Trish on my left where Evie was sat last time, conversation at the table is divided into two groups. At Trish’s end the conversation is female with the occasional dip by Alec into more manly subjects such as cars and the places he has been. He must come from money given the places he has been. While at Malcom’s end with Ann and John next to him and Paul next to Ann, the conversation is seriously medical about their project and way beyond my understanding when I briefly listen in. I wondered how they will react when they know I tonight’s subject.

One thing I do realise is that Ann may be a senior surgeon, but Malcom is higher still up the greasy pole than her at The Queen Ann’s Medical Centre. And John may be the projects head, but he defers to Malcom’s view. When both he and Ann bring up tonight’s mystery guest, Malcom puts it aside and neither Ann nor John try to bring it back. Paul manages to somehow flit between both sides of the table without missing anything at either end!

“Malcom said you use to be a flying instructor, Penny.”

Alec’s voice is a real Dr Kildare moment as my mother use to say for a real smooth talker. It annoys me the way he says ‘use to be’.

“Yes, I was at Jay-Air, at Biggin Hill.”

“Busy place to fly from.”

“I think it is good for students to learn in a fairly busy environment. They learn to use the radio and to fly with planes in the circuit. It means they don’t panic when they go to a busy airfield when they have their wings. You use to hear of the odd student pilot coming to Biggin on their cross country from one of the quiet grass airfields turning round and not landing because they were not able to cope with joining the busy traffic in the circuit.”

“I fly from a farm strip.”

I smile up at him. “Nothing wrong with that, a Europa isn’t it. Where did you learn to fly?”

“Texas, in PA-38’s, Tomahawks.

“Nice little aircraft. Nice and sunny in Texas too, but very flat and not very good for teaching to navigate when back in good old England.
Bit gusty at times I’m told, lots twangy bumpy air.” I ask with a grin.

Alec rocked his hand grinning. “And twangy noisy.”

“Why bumpy, why is aircraft bumpy? And twangy noisy?” Asks a curious Jenni.

Alec laughs. “Penny means did the metal in the tail twang a bit in the turbulent Texas air.”

I nod with a big grin.

“What? That does not sound very safe?” Says Jenni even more confused.

I turn to her. “It’s just the metal used on the Tomahawk is so thin that in turbulent air it can twang a bit, that’s all. It’s quite safe though.”

Paul laughs at me. “Bumpy Air! Twang! Are they technical terms?”

“Non-technical terms for civilians.” I say laughing back.

“What did you learn to fly in?” Alec is keen to get the subject back to him. And me, I guess.

“Well, actually I started out in Tomahawks, at a little flying club with two planes, but the weather was always grounding us. So come the summer I went to Biggin Hill for a three week intense course to get my wings and that was in C152’s,” I shrugged, smiling, “and I fell in love with those big beautiful barn door fowler flaps.”

We eat, I’m not sure what to be honest, but it tastes nice.

Trish asks Jenni if she has had to work out to fit in her bikini for the summer, adding she keeps meaning to run to keep fit, but won’t do it alone and Penny and Evie won’t run with her. ‘They have no problem fitting in their bikinis.’ She adds. It is the first time I have heard anything about running, mind you I could not run to save my life. My legs don’t do running any more,

“Ave you been on the beach already, yet, this summer, Penny?” Jenni asks. “Somewhere nice I ope.” She asks with a smile.

Jenni has a really nice French/English accent, ‘Ave’ for Have, and hope coming out as ‘Ope’. Distracted by this, I miss that I’m being led like a lamb to the slaughter up the garden path by Trish who is setting me up.

“Bexley on Sea,” I say innocently, “My mother use to take us there as children. We still have a beach hut there.”

"That sounds a nice place to go."

“I’ve got a video of Penny and the girls on the beach their, on my phone.” Trish gleefully tells her, her i-phone appearing surprisingly quickly in her hands. She passes it over to Jenni with a video clip playing.

“Aww, ils sont adorables, donc comme leur mère.” Jenni looks up realising she is speaking French. “Sorry. Your daughters, they are adorable, so like their mother.”

Alec is trying not to stare, he keeps his head up straight while his eyes are out on stalks watching the i-phones’s screen.

I wish I could pretend I was not here. But I remember what a good day we had there and at the fun fair afterwards. And I do wish with all my heart they were really my girls, an impossibly dream. And I think it might put Alec off, if he thought of me as a mum with three daughters. which could be useful. mind you once he knows about me. But I am going to have to come clean about them. Before I can.

“May I.”

Jenni hands the i-phone to Ann.

“Their lovely. Penny you must be very proud of them. What are their names?”

I sigh. “Sadly they are not my girls, they are Evie’s granddaughters. The little one I’m dancing with is Em who is very sweet, the twins are Eve and Lizzy. They are nine. Emily is seven.”

Ann looks hard at me. “But they look like you.”

Melissa who has been clearing away plates to a side table, decides to add her penny’s worth.

“The girls are very close to Penny. Their father’s a widow. He is taking her dancing on Saturday.”

My head snaps round to Melissa grinning at me. Trish is also looking very pleased with herself. What is it with the women in this village, organising my life for me. Melissa moves around the table placing the dessert before us, before going and loading the dinner plates onto her trolley and leaving us with a sexy walk. I glance around the table. Those that can see this are a bit wide eyed.

We are separating, splitting into two groups. Malcom’s group heads for the lounge carrying their coffee cups. Me, Jenni and Trish stay in the small sitting room Melissa has put the tea and coffee in. There is a large tv in here, so I guess this is the television room. There are these vaguely familiar easy chairs I noticed in the lounge earlier, Melissa comes in, and after closing the door sits down with a flump in one of them.

“All done.”

Melissa nods to Trish. “Yes, the dishes and glasses are all in the dish washer. The kitchen’s all tidy and ready for a new day.”

“You are good friends?”

Jenni is not quite with the idea of the maid and lady of the house being bosom buddies. I’m not a snob, my mother use to make mid-morning coffee for herself and Mrs Wood our cleaning lady every morning. And it would be the best biscuits barrel open on the kitchen table as well. Not a packet of own brand RichTea from Woolworths. But Mrs Wood knew her place and they had polite meaningless conversations each day with their coffee.

Trish laughs, “Mel is really our hairdresser. But she likes trying to shock people by playing a flirty French maid when helping me out at these little dinner gatherings. Although she did not do the accent tonight, with you being French, Jenni, thank goodness.”

“I was well behaved tonight, I was, Misses.”

Acts an outraged suddenly low class Melissa as she pours herself a cup of tea. Melissa’s normal voice is typical no accent southern England.

At that moment Malcom pops his head in the door and smiles at me. “Ready when you are, Penny.”

I nod. “Okay, give me a minute or two to get my head together, and I’ll be in.” Malcom gives me a friendly nod and disappears.

Jenni looks confused at me. “Qu’est-ce qu’il signifie.”

“I’m tonight’s subject.” I say with a nervous smile and wait for her reaction.

She is confused. “You are… non.” She shakes her head in disbelief.

I nod. “Yes.”

She gets up and I think for the moment she is going to walk out or hit me or something. This woman I had hoped to be friends with. Instead, she bends down slipping into soft spoken French as she hugs me. “Vie doit avoir été l'enfer comme un enfant.”

I get the gist of what she is saying, and please god, don’t let me cry. Since switching sexes I do not seen to be able to control my emotions. I’m ready to tear up at the drop of a hat. Melissa and Trish come and joined us in a group hug.

“I better go. Or they will send out search parties.”

They wish me luck. It is about fifteen feet door to door.
I breathe in and sigh, my hand just about to take hold of the lounge doorknob, only pausing when someone hisses “Wait!”

I turn to see Melissa coming from the television room. She quickly grabs my hand and leads me into the kitchen to gets me a tall glass of orange juice and ice cubes. Then explains.

“It’s Trish’s idea, they will be expecting someone to come in from the hall. Using the door from the dining room instead will put them off guard. Now go knock em’ dead.”

Melissa leaves me with a conspiratorial smile and I am alone. I take in a big breathe and holding the top of the tall glass by my fingertips, push open the connecting door and wander into the lounge taking them by surprise as if I’ve just wandered into a darkened back room at a Hollywood party and caught the guys playing craps.

Alec spoke. “You can’t come in here, Penny. We are expecting someone any minute now, it is a medical matter. You understand. It is private.”

“Oh.” I say absentmindedly.

They are sitting in a semi- circle facing an empty single chair in those oh so familiar easy chairs I am sure are from somewhere in my past. But I still can’t think where from. I languidly walk over to them channelling Raquel Welch in that Tony Rome movie I liked so much. I smile at them and look down at the chair puzzled. Ignoring Alec speaking again. I walked around it, touching it lightly letting my fingers gently caress the pale biscuit coloured fabric. I look up at Malcom sitting to one side of the group and I am suddenly aware they are watching me intently.

I get a sudden rush of feeling of power like nothing I have ever felt before and have a little smile. And continue to barely touch the chair.

“I remember, now. Their use to be easy chairs like these on Canberra. In the Meridian Lounge.”

Malcom smiles nodding, pleased I think, but surprised. “Yes. Trish and I flew over to the breakers as they prepared to strip her ready for cutting her up. We had to buy a dozen of them, as they wouldn’t sell us just four.”

I winced visibly when he says that. She was an old friend from my childhood. It hurt to think of that beautiful ship being cut into bits of scrap metal.

“You travelled on her?” Malcom asked when i did not say anything.

I smile, nodding, remembering. “Yes. A month every summer. And at Christmas or New Year, depending on when my father was on board. He was one of her Chief Engineers until he retired. He was very cross when he was off on leave when she went to the Falklands.” Then I added sadly. “We never showed him the pictures in the papers of her being broken up. That would have killed him.”

I sat down in the chair and patted her. “Every day Mother would take us into the Meridian Lounge and we would sit in these chairs and have cakes and tea for elevenses.”

I sat waiting, watching them with a gentle smile on my lips. I felt impervious to whatever happened in the next half hour or so in this room. It was John who spoke. He seemed a little nervous for some reason.

“Look, um. Yes, Penny. Very interesting, but you see. We are waiting for someone and you can’t stay. Medical confidentiality you understand. As Alec said. A possible…”

I interrupted him. “I know, it’s me your waiting for...”

To be continued…